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Retro: Volcanoes and H-Bombs
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The Urban Legends of Professional Wrestling!
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#461. I heard that one time Baron Von Rashke and Mad Dog Vachon were driving to a show in Wisconsin overnight and as they're headed down the road this car keeps tailing them and flashing its high beams. So Mad Dog gets all paranoid probably because he has a bunch of blow stashed in his gear because he made some extra dough that way, so he tells the Baron to drive faster. But the other call won't let up and keeps tailing them and hitting the high beams. SO finally they decide that they'd better pull over in front of some place where there might be people, but they don't find anything except this gas station that's all closed up. So they lay on they horn to try to get someone's attention, but all they can hear is a tapping sound on the roof, and they an sort of see a guy get out of the other car (which, incidentally, is a Hummer, which is all the more weird because this is like in 1969 or something when those two were working 'the territories' as they say), and the guy comes up to the car and now Von Raschke and Vachon are practically pissing themselves (which they usually liked to do on ring rats) and the guy smashes through the back driver's side window and yanks the door open and what's in the back? It's Black Jack Lanza and Bobo Brazil sharing a hooker and flushing Mad Dog Vachon's blow down the toilet with a pet alligator that they bought in Florida which they thought would be cute except that it got big and ate the chihuahua that they'd picked up on the road when they went to TJ to turn out Antonio Pe�a, but which turned out to be a rat, which they only discovered when it sniffed out a corpse under their bed at the Motel 6, which incidentally was Jimmy Hoffa who had gotten to close to finding out what exactly was in McDonald's Quarter pounder (spoiler: it's kangaroo, but not just any kind of kangaroo, but a cangaroo that's been bread to have more legs and a biger chest, which is why you can't legally call it a "Quarter Pounder cheeseburger" if it's not made from beef). So anyway, Lanza and Brazil think that if they can crossbreed the coke and the alligator it will grow big and strong and become albino so that it can wrestle in Memphis, and then no-one will be able to beat it, so that'll draw Elvis out of hiding and prove once and for all that he isn't dead. But they guy is so freaked out that he runs off and his hand gets stuck on the car door and that's the origin of "The claw" as a finishing maneuver, plus also it turns out they were all wrecked on drugs and secretly gay and members of the Illuminati who were on a special mission to shoot fight members of the Trilateral Commission who don't want the secret ingredient in Coke to ever be know. But instead they just took a crap on the table, when someone misheard the booking plans for the Legends of Wrestling PPV. [b]Edited:[/b] to remove certain factual errors and accidental smilies. [Edited on 3-2-2009 by drmuerto]
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Retro: Volcanoes and H-Bombs
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The Urban Legends of Professional Wrestling!
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