In honor of today being what would've been Jim Henson's 75th birthday I thought I'd post some ideas for the upcoming guest host gig the Muppets will have on RAW. Who knows, maybe people who don't read message boards might pilfer some, right?

First of all, the WWE Writer Monkeys need to leave the majority of the writing to the people in charge of the Muppets. Perhaps some suggestions on whom to best interact with the characters and some quality control in terms of continuity and logic and storylines (I know that's asking a lot of the Monkeys), but other than that, let the Muppets do their thing.

Second, there are so many possibilities and potential for brilliant entertainment, that there's no reason not to make this a 3-hour super show.

Now onto the fun:

* OK, we must begin with the ultimate Muppet superstar, in part because if I don't, I might get karate chopped. Miss Piggy has been the Ultimate Diva since before any of the current WWE Divas were even born. And she simply has to karate chop somebody for making perceived overtures towards her Kermie. The obvious choice here would be Vickie Guerrero, getting all cougar-y, perhaps when Intrepid Muppet News Reporter Kermit The Frog interviews Dolph Ziggler. HIIIIIIIII-YAAAAAA! Dolph might even hit a line about how Miss Piggy's got a better right hand than Hugh Jackman.

* Another possibility for Miss Piggy would be for Stephanie McMahon to make her an Honorary WWE Diva. Miss Piggy could take it as a dream come true, or better yet, bristle at the word "honorary" by pointing out, as I just did, that "Moi has been a diva since before you and many of the other so-called divas were even born!" and demand that she be referred to as the Ultimate WWE Diva. Steph could initially refuse, but relent when Miss Piggy throws a complete tantrum and starts karate chopping everything in sight.

* Speaking of the Divas, it'd be real easy and funny to have Animal chasing a bunch of them around the backstage area as a running gag throughout the show. Perhaps even changing from one Diva to another as he passes them in the halls, liking each new one more than he did the previous one. He could make faces at the camera and hit a couple one-liners... or in his case one-worders, like "Mmmmm... Twins" for the Bellas or "Kelly-Kelly-Kelly-Kelly-Kelly" or "Glamazon" or even some general ones like "Puppies" or "Hot Pants" or "Cleavage."

* If it develops where one of the Divas has gotten easily offended about being called a "ho" then you might be able to have fun with Kermit saying "Hi-ho!" This could lead to said Diva smacking Kermit, which would lead to another karate chop from Miss Piggy defending her man... er, frog.

* The Swedish Chef has to do a cooking segment. Let me repeat this. The Swedish Chef has to do a cooking segment. You can go two ways with this. Either get someone who speaks English as poorly as Chef or get someone who speaks it really, really well. My vote is for Sheamus. Chef could make something very white and pasty or perhaps something with a lot of mayonnaise or milk or maybe just pull a chicken out of the oven that is undercooked and has a tuft of red hair on top. Sheamus could feign outrage and (not so) playfully choke him and the reaction would be great. I also think if you brought Vladimir Kozlov in for one night to team with Sheamus for this scene the hilarity could grow exponentially.

* I think Zack Ryder and Fozzie Bear are a natural pair. Both make semi-lame jokes, both have a terrible sense of style, both are underappreciated. C'mon, you know you want to see and hear dueling waka-waka-waka and woo-woo-woo chants.

* Gonzo and Daniel Bryan might be good together. They could go back to Bryan using his Flight Of The Valkyries music to introduce Gonzo doing some stunt that goes incredibly wrong.

* John Morrison's character should work well with Floyd Pepper and Janice (the bass player and the female guitarist from Dr. Teeth & The Electric Mayhem) considering they're all supposed to be "groovy cats" from the Peace & Love movement, but I'm not so sure John has the chops for it. Maybe if they just sat around sharing the deep thoughts they're pondering in a locker room with beads on the door and a lava lamp and a hazy aura that kids wouldn't know is recently smoked weed. That might work.

* Rowlf The Dog, one of my personal faves, could write an "impromptu" song with Awesome Truth about conspiracies. I'm thinking old-fashioned blues, like "I Got The Confounding, Controversial Conspiracy Blues." You could gradually bring back some members of The Electric Mayhem band during the process and have a real jam session. Seeing Miz get super-into the music and dance around the piano could be gold. This would also give Ron Simmons the opportunity to walk in and give his obligatory "Damn" commentary upon seeing the spectacle.

* The encounter with Rowlf could be preceded by Miz and R-Truth having trouble getting in the arena because Pops didn't know who they were and wouldn't let them in. (Pops was the doorman who never knew who the guest stars on The Muppet Show were.)

* I hesitate giving Johnny Ace anything of substance, but I think some interactions with Sam The Eagle might be right up his alley. If both are looking to provide "good, wholesome entertainment" by turning off microphones and what not, who better than the self-appointed censor of the Muppets to try and help Ace put a stop to the shenanigans in the WWE?

* If Ace isn't up to it, the next logical choice for Sam The Eagle would be William Regal. They could discuss various distasteful forms of besmirchment to the point where I might fall off the couch laughing. Another alternative might be Christian, whose thoughts about not getting ONE MORE MATCH Sam could echo as a horrible, horrible thing.

* Gorgon Heap, the Muppet who eats other Muppets, should swallow somebody whole. Oh, wait, I've got the PERFECT guy. Michael Cole!!!! Oh, that would be awesome. And the next show's exchange with Jerry Lawler could be priceless!

JL: "Didn't that monster eat you last week?"
MC: "Yes, don't remind me."
JL: "Well, then how the hell are you back here this week?"
MC: "It's not something I want to talk about."
JL: "Yeah, I bet you don't! Must've been a brown eye-opening experience for you."
MC: "Oh, that's REEEEAL funny. Real mature, Lawler."
Booker T (*chuckling*): "King, tell me you did not just say that, dawg!!?!"

* Pigs In Space might be funny if they beamed in someone like Khali or Big Show and they thought it was the most hideous alien ever and was going to destroy them... and then the guy got offended at the comment and proceeded to do just that.

* We obviously need to have a Muppet News Flash that is interrupted by a backstage brawl that results in the entire set crashing down on the anchor.

* OK, time for some major players. CM Punk, the cynical bastard that he is, should spend the entire evening in the box with Statler and Waldorf, and the three of them could badmouth everything they see for the entire show. High-freakin'-sterical.

* I think Rock (who should be back by then, right?) could have fun with Scooter. The go-fer of the Muppets could be Rock's go-fer for the night by being Rock's biggest fan who wants to do various things to impress him. He would screw things up more often than not, despite trying his damnedest, and could be someone Rock could easily intimidate for a while. Skeeter could then encourage Scooter to stand up to Rock's abuse which could lead to a touching moment or an outrageously rude moment, depending on if Rock is being heelish or not.

* Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker should cook up something to help COO Triple H be able to better dissect the various machinations that are afoot and threaten to undermine his office. This will require them bringing the mobile lab to HHH's office to explain how they came up with the concoction, and will, of course, necessitate the office getting somehow set on fire and/or exploding. A charred and infuriated HHH with a ruined suit would be a hysterical comedic shot. Perhaps it might even be done after a night of things going horribly wrong for HHH and this just would be the Diarrhea Icing on the proverbial Turd Cake.

* Some things that could lead to HHH's aforementioned frustration would be Lew Zealand constantly trying to break into WWE with his boomerang fish act and other fish-related performances, Gonzo failing to control his chickens and letting them run amok backstage, and Scooter spilling coffee on him as he tries to hurriedly impress The Rock.

* I think Lew Zealand's shenanigans could be stopped if his fish-throwing accidentally struck Randy Orton. And Orton went all viper-y and stare-downy. I don't know, just the thought of Randy Orton being hit by flying fish seems funny to me.

* I've got three wrestlers and two Muppets, but I'm torn as to whom to pair with whom. The wrestlers are Alberto Del Rio, Wade Barrett, and Santino Marella. The Muppets are Rizzo The Rat and Pepino Rodrigo Serrano Gonzales, better known as Pepe The King Prawn. All five can be great jokesters (I think ADR's really funny, but he's still struggling with thinking in English, translating his funny Spanish thoughts to English in his brain and getting them out in a timely fashion... I have the same trouble trying to think in Spanish even though I can speak it decently). I think the interactions between any combination could be gold. Alberto could dismiss both of them initially as a "sucio camaron" or a "rata peligrosa", but then warm up to them when they make certain underhanded suggestions. Similar type deal for Wade Barrett, although I think Rizzo might work better for him than Pepe. Santino could just engage in comedic brilliance with either one. Pepe could be more sexual innuendo and help Santino with Tamina. Rizzo could help fire up Santino to try and impress HHH as a true WWE Superstar, perhaps by taunting Mark Henry. This would naturally result in Santino's thunderously destructive demise and Henry could do a mock trombone salute afterwards and earn some real solid character points. However you want to go, I think any of these combos could be entertaining.

* I know, I know, John Cena. Here's the thing... I think Cena could be so damn good on this night, he could work with anybody. He obviously has to do something with Kermit, since they're the biggest stars of their respective brands, but I honestly believe that you could put Cena in ANY of the above scenarios as either a replacement for one of the wrestlers or a bit character that adds to the scene and he would be absolutely perfect. In fact, that may be his best role... interacting with everyMuppet and anyMuppet and just nailing joke after joke the entire night and ragging on other wrestlers. For example, I can see him bumping into Animal and asking him where he's going in such a hurry and Animal points and yells, "TWINS!!!" And Cena says, "Oh, you mean the Bella Twins... carry on." And he lets Animal go run after them. Then Beaker could run by and a disheveled HHH slams into Cena and John asks, "Hey boss, where's the fire?" HHH could just turn around in his tattered suit and smoke-smudged countenance and glare a death stare at him before resuming his chase of Beaker. Cena could interrupt and/or join in on Punk's musings with Waldorf and Statler and the arena might literally explode with laughter. He could be a part of The Swedish Chef cooking segment, perhaps translating what Chef is saying into English or easing the tension between Chef and Sheamus, or he could be walking with Ron Simmons for his "Damn" commentary on the jam session and set Ron up with something like, "I think this can be summed in one word........ Ron?" And Ron could literally take 20 seconds turning his head to John and back to the proceedings and still hit his line. Bottom line, if Cena does this right, and no sense to think that he wouldn't, he might become a hit with everyone, even those who are tired of his shtick.

The key to this whole thing is for WWE to use this opportunity to not take itself too seriously. I mean, if you have a stick up your butt for the Muppets episode, your problems run a lot deeper than Wellness Policies, declining ratings, and PPV buyrates.

And trust me, WWE... if you think bad booking decisions outrage some of us message boarders, who really care about your product, to the point where we threaten not to watch again don't matter 'cause you know we'll always come back, just try and fuck this one up and see what happens.

OK, I think that about does it. Unless you guys think I've forgotten somebody. Time to watch my Gators whip some pussies. What? They're playing Kentucky. Oh, you people are filthy.

[Edited on 9-25-2011 by Dominator]

quote:

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Originally posted by Dominator
* OK, time for some major players. CM Punk, the cynical bastard that he is, should spend the entire evening in the box with Statler and Waldorf, and the three of them could badmouth everything they see for the entire show. High-freakin'-sterical.

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Brilliant product idea: CM Punk muppet.

The Muppets aren't as big here (if at all) as they are in the US, but I've got to give props to Dominator for his dedication to booking a 2/3-hour wrestling show around puppets.

But with all your muppet-related segments, would there be any time left for, you know, wrestling?

You mean, as opposed to now when most free TV matches aren't as long as the ring entrances? And those that are always get interrupted by commercial breaks? No, I really don't think it'd be difficult from that perspective, especially since some scenes could be smash-cut together or combined. Animal could chase a Diva through the Swedish Chef's cooking segment, for example.

The real problem I foresee with something like this is that almost all of it has to be done backstage because of the Muppets. Waldorf and Statler could be outside in the arena, but not much else (maybe Kermit's interviews with Dolph and Cena could be done at a desk on the staging area). But would fans pay ticket prices to mostly watch the Muppets on the Titantron? Tough question, but I don't know how you'd do it otherwise.

P.S. How about a CM Punk Muppet Ice Cream Bar? :^)

[Edited on 9-25-2011 by Dominator]

quote:

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Originally posted by Dominator
But would fans pay ticket prices to mostly watch the Muppets on the Titantron?

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quote:

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P.S. How about a CM Punk Muppet Ice Cream Bar? :^)

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I think this could be awesome, but only if they really go for it and treat it like an old Muppet show....

After the new Muppet movie comes out I could see a host of straight to DVD sequels happening, and if I were the WWE I'd be interested in being one of those straight to DVD sequels.... Some Muppett charity wrestling gig or something. Hate to say it, but I'd buy it.

As for a Raw.

I think enough of this would have to be pre-taped that everyone would still be pretty fresh for a few in ring segments and post show stuff, so while the main Raw block of time might be a titantron or lack of wrestling heavy, I think over the course of the night the fan's would get their money's worth.

If the WWE wanted to sink a bit of money into things, they could also set up some ring side spots/stages where the muppets could be interactive... I'm thinking a Muppet at the announce table, or a Muppet's only announce table, or alternatively a mini muppets stage.

The Count should guest referee a Last Man Standing match (via titantron of course).

Oooo, that's good. Actually I think The Count would do better in a battleroyal:

"Five! Five wrestlers eliminated! AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!"

Come on Dominater. Obviously the superpatriotic Sam Eagle should hang out with the all American American, Jack Swagger. Or the Us champion, Dolph Ziggler.

But that would necessitate Sam hanging out with Vickie and his NPR baritone doesn't mesh well with her shrieking cougar "Excuse Me!" Sam might pay it a little lip service wondering why the U.S. Championship isn't more prestigious than the World Championship. That might be funny.

The Count is not a Muppet. He's a Sesame Street character. I know there's a little bit of crossover, and both are Jim Henson creations, but still. Not the same.

http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110713163323/muppet/images/8/8c/Sesame-2008credits-muppets.jpg

Well, this thread isn't about Muppet disputes, but ultimately the show will be about featuring the Muppets who appear in the upcoming movie and while it doesn't look like The Count is in this one, he did appear in The Muppets Take Manhattan.

The Count could still show up, desperate to get some airtime, and Ryder could walk on screen and say to him "I've been there, Bro."

Nah, The Count has to be there doing what he does best... counting.

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty! Twenty-man battle royal! AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!"

Of course, if The Count's lightning summoned The Undertaker somehow, that'd be extra awesome.

"One! One man back from the dead! AH-HA-HA-HA!!!!"

[Edited on 9-26-2011 by Dominator]

The Count could oversee a four corners match, or Texas tornado or whatever the one is where you have to touch the four turnbuckles in a row.

One Corner,
Two Corners,
Three Only Three Corners HAHAAHAA

Aren't those the cowbell matches? Wrestlers are tied wrist to wrist by a rope with a cowbell in the middle that they can beat each other with? I know there are some Muppet cows, too. Has The Count ever counted cows to go to sleep before?

I haven't watched WWE in nearly ten years, but I would find a way to watch this!

You forgot my personal favourite: Sweetums, the giant Muppet.

I think we can all agree the best use for Sweetums would be to have him lawn-dart Rey Mysterio into the side of a truck!

quote:

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Originally posted by Dominator
Aren't those the cowbell matches? Wrestlers are tied wrist to wrist by a rope with a cowbell in the middle that they can beat each other with? I know there are some Muppet cows, too. Has The Count ever counted cows to go to sleep before?

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quote:

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Originally posted by magnooos
You forgot my personal favourite: Sweetums, the giant Muppet.

I think we can all agree the best use for Sweetums would be to have him lawn-dart Rey Mysterio into the side of a truck!

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Read this on 411, and stealing it for here.

Kermit, Mason Ryan and Alex Riley should perform "It Ain't Easy Being Green" (oh snap!)

quote:

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Originally posted by Chris Is Good517

quote:

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Originally posted by Dominator
* OK, time for some major players. CM Punk, the cynical bastard that he is, should spend the entire evening in the box with Statler and Waldorf, and the three of them could badmouth everything they see for the entire show. High-freakin'-sterical.

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Automatic 5.0

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quote:

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Originally posted by joerizal
Read this on 411, and stealing it for here.

Kermit, Mason Ryan and Alex Riley should perform "It Ain't Easy Being Green" (oh snap!)

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Muppet Show and Sesame Street are two diff...but...he barely...fuck it

quote:

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Originally posted by JB KING
Muppet Show and Sesame Street are two diff...but...he barely...fuck it

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Just throwing stuff against the wall, has there ever been a wrestler with a ventriloquist/puppeteer gimmick? Someone had to have tried that back in the day, right?

Rocco is dissapoint.

quote:

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Originally posted by Dominator
And since you went all "D'oh!" on me, I'd be all for South Park to be the next guest host. Cartman could tell belligerent wrestlers to "respect his fuckin' authoritah!"

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I hated the foreshadowing from the promo ruining the moment, but don't we now HAVE to get Kermit telling someone they can't see him?

quote:

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Originally posted by Chris Is Good517
That would be fitting, since neither South Park nor WWE have been truly enjoyable outside of mere flashes of occasional good stuff in about a decade now.

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Season 15 has been very suckish. The episodes are funny, but not so much compared to previous seasons. It's just such a downgrade that even though it can be enjoyable, it's still disappointing because you're expecting more. I actually really enjoyed season 14, though. More than most people, apparently. I don't know what it was about the episodes, but I was just really into them. Season 13 was just not good, in my opinion. Skip it. Season 12 was pretty fun, if somewhat hit or miss from each episode to the next. I liked season 11, liked season 10, and I won't go back any further but you get the idea. Each season kind of fluctuates with me, but maybe it's just preference or age.

But I agree, South Park on Raw would be cool, at least just to see what they could get away with. No chance of it happening, though.

On topic:

http://www.pwinsider.com/ViewArticle.php?id=62857

TMZ.com featured a piece today on Hornswoggle, noting that he's getting several Muppet tattoos before Monday's Raw. He's actually a massive Muppet fan and has been said to be the most excited of the roster about their appearance, although over the last month, there's been a number of talents pushing to do different vignettes with them.

For those wondering, the actual Muppets will be at the event in person, so this isn't a case of them appearing on the screen and interacting with stars in the ring.

http://www.tmz.com/2011/10/26/hornswoggle-wwe-muppets-tattoos-ink/#.TqnV20Mf5sB

WWE's resident little person wrestler Hornswoggle is so fired up about the Muppets hosting "Monday Night Raw" next week ... dude is getting THREE tattoos in their feltish, fuzzy honor.

Hornswoggle is OBSESSED with the Muppets -- and already has 5 characters inked on various parts of body ... including Miss Piggy, Kermit and Beaker. But now, Horn-dog has scheduled a marathon session Friday ... so he can add Fozzie Bear, Statler and Waldorf before Monday's show.

quote:

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Originally posted by Matte
Statler and Waldorf before Monday's show.

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Since Statler and Waldorf are always spewing, I guess the question is do they go on the front or the back? Not that I'm going to require visual confirmation, mind you. Or that I'm really all that interested in their position. Geez, why the hell did I bring it up?

Hey this show aint half bad...
Yeah, its ALL BAD!
OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!


Security should throw these guys out!
They cant!
Why not?
They are too busy keeping them in!!!
OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!

What move was that?
The medium suplex?
Medium?
Yeah, it wasnt rare and it wasnt well done!
OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!

Ugggh my stomach...
Whats wrong with it?
Its either this match or indigestion, i hope its indigestion.
Whys that?
It'll get better in a little while.
OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!

Looks like Cenas taking a beating tonight.
You think thats bad, the WWE universe takes a beating every night.
OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!

It looks like HHH wont be here tonight.
I wish some other people didnt have to be here tonight.
Like who?
Me.
OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!

What kind of promo is that?
A novelty act?
I dont know but it wasnt too bad.
I guess thats a novelty...
OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!

*Watches Hornswaggle*
You never know when something funny may happen
Did something funny happen?
Yup.
You'd never know it.
OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!



[Edited on 10-31-2011 by JB KING]

JB, you are easily my favorite poster here these days. Thanks for that!

That shit was pretty funny JB. Now I've got S&W; in my head going ohohohohoh.

Statler: "You know, everybody got in here for free."
Waldorf: "Really? How does the WWE make money?"
Statler: "They charge them to get out!"

OOOOOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO

Statler: "Why do they keep saying this Cena guy only knows 5 moves? I just saw a new one."
Waldorf: "Yeah what was it?"
Statler: "It was making me move from my chair to out of the building."
OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO

ANd speaking of which:

*SPOILER*

quote:

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-- At least three Muppet performers are scheduled for Raw�Steve Whitmire, Eric Jacobson and Bill Barretta. Therefore, all of the major Muppet characters sans Gonzo will be at WWE's disposal. It is unknown whether Gonzo's handler Dave Goelz is scheduled for the event.

-- The Muppet performers were asked to prepare for a segment in which Statler and Waldorf handle commentary duties. This will likely occur during "The Michael Cole Challenge."

-- A segment featuring the Divas in Halloween costumes is tentatively scheduled.

source: PWInsider.com

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Santino has GOT to sing the Muppets theme song. Make it happen, WWE.

quote:

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Originally posted by anglefan85
*SPOILER*
-- The Muppet performers were asked to prepare for a segment in which Statler and Waldorf handle commentary duties. This will likely occur during "The Michael Cole Challenge."
source: PWInsider.com

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I know I am in the HUGE minority here, but other than Statler and Waldorff, I think this is going to be a trainwreck of epic proportions.

I love the muppets

I love wrestling

the two should NEVER mix.

You, Moose? Think negatively about something? Think something the WWE does is going to turn out badly? I am SHOCKED!

Seriously, though, I don't doubt there is a possibility that WWE CAN screw this up. I just don't think they will. I think the power of The Muppets won't let them.

I actually hope you are right, I just don't see how it can work. Then again, I am not a fan of my wrestling being PG, and that is what the WWE has become, so it is a perfect fit for the Muppets.

Still, I am calling this Robocop in NWA levels of potentially bad

quote:

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Originally posted by mooseheadjack

Still, I am calling this Robocop in NWA levels of potentially bad

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OK, sadly the time has come for us to put The Muppets episode, and ostensibly this thread to bed, and since I started it, I suppose I should be the one to finish it. And with The Rick apparently on a week-long bender following the World Series triumph of St. Louis, I'll be doing it in a semi-recappening style, attempting to approach Rick's nearly inimitable level of silver-tongued elocution. It will be approached in two parts, traditional recap and commentary, followed by comparing it with the fantasy booking I began this thread with.

Part 1

Kermit The Frog & Miss Piggy w/Vickie Guerrero, Jack Swagger, Santino Marella, and Kelly Kelly (3:57) - Kermit and Piggy are introduced and appear from behind a specially constructed countertop on the staging area. Kermit gives his trademark welcome and cheer, but before the two can even express their excitement about being on Raw, a shrill "Excuse Me!" pierces the night.

Vickie Guerrero comes out with Jack Swagger in tow and she expresses her displeasure at having to share the spotlight with a bunch of livestock, especially after the besmirchment her men suffered at the hands of Hugh Jackman a few weeks earlier. Swagger even goes so far as to mention a craving for a ham sandwich with a side of frog legs if they don't make a hasty exit. Piggy bristles and tells Jack (a.k.a. "Frankenstein") to MAKE them leave, but Kermit, ever the peacemaker always trying to make everybody happy, says The Muppets don't want any trouble from Jack or his mother. Vickie is infuriated and steps towards Kermit with an "OMG, excuse me!" but is intercepted by Piggy who counters with a chest bump of her own and an "Excuse moi!" As they go nose-to-snout we are interrupted by an operatic tenor before any real human-on-porcine violence can begin.

Santino Marella, slightly starstruck by The Muppets, first officially excuses everyone, then tells Swagger to back off because "Mr. John Laryngitis" has informed him that Jack will be in the ring tonight against Santino. Kermit wishes "Santini" good luck, but Jack tells him to "Can it, Frog," and clamps down on Kermit's mouth. Kermit tries, rather hysterically, to wiggle out of Jack's jaw vise as he badmouth's Santino and reminds him that he'll have his buddy Dolph Ziggler in his corner, before letting go of Kermit who collapses briefly beneath the counter. As Piggy helps Kermit back up, Santino says not so fast, because Dolph will be busy in his own match against Zack Ryder, for whom Kermit and Piggy hit the WWWYKI catchphrase. Santino was impressed by the, uh, impression, but then it's time to "Holla!"

Kelly Kelly comes out as the first participant in the upcoming Divas Halloween Costume #1 Contender Battle Royal. Miss Piggy asks the amusing question, "Is she a cowboy or a pirate?" Without the toy sword, it might be hard to say. Santino quickly closes his eyes and purses his lips out for a good luck smooch, but Kelly deftly sidesteps him and instead plants a big one on Kermit much to the chagrin of Miss Piggy. Kermit gets all weak in the fabric (and Vickie cackles with schadenfreude) while Piggy exclaims her rage, demanding for Kelly to come back so she can make mince meat out of her. Piggy also scolds Kermit to wipe the smirk off his face.

Seeing the countertop setup and this segment really buoyed my hopes for the evening. I thought Vickie, one of the few people on the roster, I believe, who might've seen first-run airings of the original Muppet Show, could interact with The Muppets better than most and coach her men through it. Turns out Jack didn't need any coaching and cut maybe one of his best promos ever. The physical comedy was better than I could've hoped for with the Vickie/Piggy chest bumps and the Swagger/Kermit mouth clamping. Santino was also someone who I thought would be a great partner in these scenes and I seriously debated putting him in the comic relief role I ended up giving to John Cena in my original post, just spending the whole night doing shtick with The Muppets. I thought all performers were able to stay in character and play their parts well and help get everyone over for the segment. Even Kelly's cameo at the end with the kiss fit in since Kermit mentioned her in last week's promo. I never considered using The Muppets to react to match announcements, but once I saw it I thought it might be a good way to add some life around the dead space that is Johnny Ace if he had any more surprises in the future. Turns out that never happened, but it also turned out that a lot of other things didn't happen. But we'll get to that in a moment. For now, this was a rocket-busting start.

Segment Grade: A+

Bunsen & Beaker w/Christian & Sheamus (1:54) - Backstage, in the traveling Muppet Labs, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew has created a new energy drink that is guaranteed to improve the speed, power, agility, and chronic halitosis for the WWE Superstar who takes it. He tells Beaker to spirit it off quickly to Santino to help him in his match with Jack Swagger. However, before Beaker can make it down the hallway to Santino's locker room, he bumps into Christian. Christian takes one whiff of the concoction and recoils unpleasantly and tells Beaker he's doing him a favor by dumping it out. He bullies Beaker a little bit, until Sheamus comes up behind him and asks the fellas if there's a problem. Christian wants no part right now and walks away. Sheamus sizes Beaker up and then smiles at him and says, "How are you, Arthur? How's it going?" I didn't know Beaker had a first name, but I'll roll with it. The two exchange some brief small talk before Sheamus breaks the bad news that he'll be unable to make the family reunion this year, but to give his regards to Aunt Theresa. Sheamus then spikes up Beaker's hair to make it look more like his and gives it the big OK sign before taking his leave.

Can't see the forest for the trees. I was so set on having the Muppet Labs blow something up, that I didn't even think of the pseudo-doppleganger Sheamus/Beaker possibility that really was quite obvious. Both Christian and Sheamus stayed nicely in character and Beaker actually did sound a little Gaelic. I mean, c'mon, YOU try to understand that language. One good punch line and a good piece of physical comedy that kids of all ages could appreciate. While not somehting I'd've thought of initially, pretty nice execution on all fronts.

Grade: B+ (sorry, can't be an A here without a trademark Muppet Labs explosion)

Waldorf & Statler I (:26) - After the tag team champs lose a non-title match, but win the ensuing Pier Six brawl thanks to Sheamus, Waldorf & Statler make their first appearance from high above ringside. They spoof the Stone Cold "What?" chant for a little and hit a marginal joke.

The production timing was a little off here, Waldorf's initial commentary didn't quite mesh with what had just happened in the ring, and the joke could've been better. Plus, no one in the crowd reacted to them and that's half the point of their shtick. Nice idea, poor execution. Hopefully we'll see better from them later.

Grade: C

Gonzo & Fozzie Bear w/Vickie Guerrero, Jack Swagger & Dolph Ziggler (1:09) - Gonzo and Fozzie are roaming the backstage area, amazed that they're on Raw. Fozzie is awed by the size of the WWE Superstars and said one guy was so big he had his own zip code. Gonzo, resplendent in ostentatious stuntman refinery, opines that while he's much smaller, he thinks he could still be a WWE Superstar if he put his mind to it. After all, how hard could it be?

Vickie Guerrero, with a much more demure "Excuse me," and her men are here to offer a dissenting point of view. Gonzo reiterates his point, as Fozzie tries to shoo him down, and even asserts he could be WWE Champ some day. Instead of a vocal counterargument, the human trio responds by Vickie holding Gonzo's head down and Jack and Dolph each pulling one of his arms a good 5 feet out of their sockets go-go-gadget style. Jack uses his yanked arm and hogties it around Gonzo's head and mouth. Dolph then issues a warning that none of The Muppets better get involved in their matches later before moseying off.

Fozzie asks Gonzo if he's OK, but Gonzo gleefully responds, "How did those guys know I needed an adjustment?"

Typical corny jokes you usually see out of Fozzie & Gonzo, so I can't fault them there. And the Inspector Gadget arms probably made all the kids laugh. Unfortunately, I think WWE messed up and either didn't have the house mics up or didn't have this up on the Titantron because there was no crowd reaction the way there was for the Sheamus/Beaker interaction. Not bad, certainly had its place, but I would've preferred a Fozzie that was more comfortable in his surroundings and giving a lot of happy zingers and waka-wakas. Scooter might've been a better pairing with Gonzo in this segment, but that would've required another segment for Fozzie which apparently WWE didn't want to give.

Grade: B-

Animal & Beaker w/Jack Swagger & Santino Marella (:37) - Animal was introduced as the guest timekeeper for the match between Swagger & Santino and he feverishly banged the bell which was cute. Then during the match proper, Santino fell near the ropes after breaking the anklelock and Beaker popped up, presumably from under the ring, and handed Santino a new beaker full of the Muppet Energy Drink. Santino took one swig and started gagging on the vile stuff before finally spitting it out right into Swagger's face. This temporarily blinded him allowing Santino to get the schoolboy rollup for the win.

OK, this was real creative. I never in a million years thought a Muppet could interfere in a match. The camerawork for both the shots of Animal and Beaker were really well done. I would've paid good money to see Beaker somehow join Santino for a tandem trombone salute. Or for Santino to use Beaker AS the trombone. My only question was, where did Animal go? The post-match bell ring was very timid. You'd think with Muppet interference involved, it would've been extra crazy. Still, great fun.

Grade: A-

Waldorf & Statler II (:29) - After Michael Cole makes his 3-minute diarrhea jokes about JR, we pan up... and up and up and up!... to Waldorf & Statler in a luxury box. They have to be a good 300 feet from the action, way way further than it looked initially. They yawn, groan, and comment that the only thing worse than listening to Michael Cole is... NOTHING! OH-HO-HO-HO-HO!!!!

OK, good one, obvious one, got a good pop from the crowd, the kind of stuff I expected to see more of on this night. But I must take issue now with the "box" these guys were put in. I mean, this thing is way away from the ring, miles away from the stage, and well away from the fans who would've been much better served to see them doing their heckling and chuckling live instead of pre-taped, as it now appears to be. I would've extended the stage's countertop halfway into the entrance area so The Muppets could actually come out for their in-arena segments, and I would've constructed a special "box" for Waldorf and Statler right by the stage next to where ADR would drive his car in. You could make it comfortable for the performers and darken it when it wasn't in use so as to divert attention elsewhere. That Waldorf & Statler couldn't rip Cole live throughout his promo the way they did Milton Berle (look it up on YouTube) was unfortunate. However, in terms of this brief segment, it actualy was pretty good.

Grade: B

Kermit & Miss Piggy w/John Morrison, Hornswoggle & Cody Rhodes (1:26) - We smash cut from Waldorf & Statler to Miss Piggy fondling John Morrison's abs backstage. Piggy tries to make plans with JoMo for after the show-show, but John says he already has plans. He does have a friend who's free, though. Piggy looks around and asks if he's as good-looking as John, but she turns around to see JoMo's plopped Hornswoggle down on the counter. Swoggle is excited about the prospect of a night on the town with Piggy and to show his interest, he flaunts his brand new (as documented here on the OO boards) Muppet tattoos on his lower leg, featuring Miss Piggy. Piggy is initially impressed, but then Hornswoggle moves in for a little kissy-kiss and pecks her on the cheek. Piggy is repulsed and karate chops him right in the solarplexus and storms off. Horny sells it like a champ and Kermit comes up to him to see if he's OK. Hornswoggle recovers quickly and takes it as a true "love tap," leaving all giddy as a schoolgirl. Kermit hits the line, "And I thought our show was weird." But wait, there's more! Cody Rhodes arrives with disgust to put a small bag over Kermit's head. "Trick or treat... sheesh!"

Again, good use of all 5 characters in the scene with good quick pacing. The delayed juxtaposition of Piggy hitting on JoMo after her outrage at Kelly smooching her Kermie sort of worked and spoke a little to the PG-13 humor that most Muppet fans aren't familiar with them doing (and which I'd hoped for more of). Hornswoggle was a good choice for the infamous karate chop since at his size he could actually sell it well. Cody's paper bag was a nice unexpected touch, although I'm not entirely sure what Kermit did to deserve it. Then again, that's kind of Kermit's thing... always getting what he doesn't deserve despite his good intentions.

Grade: A-

Waldorf & Statler III (:26) - After the Miz is introduced for his main event match with John Cena, we cut to Waldorf & Statler in the box. Statler touts Cena and mimics the You Can't See Me sign to which Waldorf says, "I can't see anything," (no shit, considering how high up in the rafters maintenance closet you are) and Statler replies, "Well, he's going to be wrestling The Miz, so consider yourself lucky! OH-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO!!!" Statler then gets dizzy from doing the You Can't See Me sign too much and faints, falling backwards.

Easily their best bit of the night. My statements in the main Raw thread about WWE being scared about their talent being shown up by The Muppets clearly didn't apply to true Main Eventers like Miz & Cena, or maybe those guys just said, "Hey, we're totally cool with them ripping on us." This is what these guys should've been doing frequently. And from down by the fans, not from 3 stories in the ceiling.

Grade: A

Overall Cumulative Grade: Well, if I'm going to go back to school and say that a B is a 3.0 and a B+ is a 3.5, I'm going to right on the cusp of near-greatness and calculate it out at about a 3.41. Overall, for what it was, it was pretty good. Could what they did have been better, yes. Could the production value have been better, a little. Could the setup and staging have been better, hell yes. The quality was there and they tried to satisfy all age groups with various levels of jokes. My biggest complaint was with the quantity. I realize The Muppets got roughly 8 1/2 minutes of air time, and you figure that's a decent percentage for a guest host, when you consider most half-hour TV shows only get 20-22 minutes minus commercial breaks. So you figure 8 1/2 out of 80-88, 10% or so, devoted to people not on your show might seem pretty generous in WWE's eyes. But I think you could've done 2-3 more skits, included more talent on the roster and had a lot more fun with things. But of course Rocky had to take 5 minutes to say 2 minutes worth of material, Michael Cole had to make diaper jokes, and while I thought Show/ADR told a unique story, I really only needed one extended rest hold to get the point. I would've loved to have seen more live in-arena action and was real disappointed, as I said before, to see that countertop only used once and Waldorf & Statler not getting any live interaction with WWE stars.

Part 2

OK, now we'll move on to the individual booking of Muppets & Superstars.

Miss Piggy - I got the karate chop I was looking for, and like I said earlier, Hornswoggle was a pretty good choice, and one that I wouldn't have considered, to take it due to his size (I think he and Piggy might be in the same weight class). I also liked how Piggy, when she was first introduced, referred to herself (as I did) as the Original Diva. The rest of the scene on the stage was great and I thought Kermit & Piggy did some great script work and ad-libbing. What we got was good. We could've gotten more, which would've been better. The scene with JoMo was also good for what it was. All in all, I think I got what I came for with her.

Grade: A-

Animal - Guest timekeeper was pretty good for him, but as I said before, he only did it pre-match which was confusing and disappointing. It's been fun over the years watching Animal's character do different things other than scream and play drums and I thought the Diva Chase would've been a great running gag. Too bad, but I guess there just wasn't time in a 2-hour show.

Grade: C+

Swedish Chef - Easily the most disappointing part of the evening. When Piggy and Kermit appeared from behind that counter, and then were interrupted and I saw the full setup of how it appeared on stage, I thought FOR SURE there was going to be a Swedish Chef cooking segment up there. And if nothing else, it could've ended with the always entertaining pro wrestling food fight. Beth Phoenix and/or Natalya could've been humiliated by Eve and/or Kelly. JR could've dumped some barbecue sauce on Michael Cole. Santino and Zack Ryder could've flung some pasta at Ziggler and Swagger adding to their feud for the night. Jack could've tried to retaliate with some tomato sauce that accidentally hit Vickie. Santino could've also done some hilarious translating for the Swedish Chef. I honestly thought this was one of the must-haves on the evening, even ahead of the fine folks at Muppet Labs. Building that countertop full of LED lights for a one-shot deal was a complete waste of time.

Grade: F-

Fozzie Bear - As I stated earlier, Fozzie's part was good for what it was, but Fozzie could've been hamming it up with other Superstars instead of being petrified by some big bullies. And the only waka-waka we got came from Jack Swagger. Raspberries on this one, WWE.

Grade: C+

Gonzo - Liked the getup, but kinda bummed it wasn't part of a stunt that sent him flying across the arena. As I said, the arms thing was good for the kids, but it might've been better if Swagger and Ziggler then used the extended arms to slingshot Gonzo down the hallway and into a random pile of loud backstage crashables. Fozzie could've run up and asked if Gonzo was OK, and he could've come up with his arms wrapped all around his head and hit his line just the same. Still, for what it was supposed to be, pretty good.

Grade: B+

Musicians - Music has always been a big part of The Muppets. The fact that the only music we got on the night was Santino's air trombone was pretty weak. No Rowlf The Dog. No "It's Not Easy Being Green." (again, except spoken by Swagger) No Dr. Teeth & The Electric Mayhem. I understand that this was probably not a big deal given the aforementioned time constraints and they never wrote a WWE theme song for you to license and sell, but this was another lost opportunity.

Grade: D+

Other Absentees - No Sam The Eagle. No Gorgon Heap eating any Superstars (which also could've been done to put an end to the aforementioned food fight). No Lew Zealand, who could've come out during the food fight and thrown fish at people. No Pigs In Space. And how awesome would it have been to have opened the show with a Muppet News Flash (another thing that could've been done at the countertop on the stage) that then THREW to The Rock for his big announcement? "And in other news a bunch of puppets try to take control of a weekly wrestling show. Some wrestlers have reportedly expressed displeasure at this and said they will take matters in their own hands if they need to." As he says this, here comes comes Miz & R-Truth to stand behind the news anchor and then beat the crap out of him. Truth gives a big "YOU SUCK!" to the anchor, who clambers back up all disheveled and says we now return you to your regularly scheduled program. Begin RAW entrance theme. Yeah, yeah, I know, not enough time, right, WWE?

Grade: D+

Waldorf & Statler - I've said my piece about how they should've been closer to the action, closer to the stage, and able to interact directly with the superstars. Again, what we got from the pre-taped stuff was okay, but I urge you again to look at the 3:00+ they did with Milton Berle on YouTube. Can you imagine that with someone like Miz or Cena or Punk or Cole on the other end? Not that those guys are Milton Berle level entertainers, but again, it really could've been better.

Grade: B

Scooter & Skeeter - As I said earlier, I liked pairing Scooter with Gonzo better than Fozzie in their scene. He would've been another guy that could've been bullied easy and generated some heel heat. Overall, not a huge loss, though.

Grade: C

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew & Arthur (?) Beaker - Really liked their inclusion, thought the idea of an energy drink was a smart and logical way to introduce their characters. Beaker & Sheamus was good and Beaker's match "interference" was a Wow moment for the TV audience and was really well done production wise. Really wish I'd seen them blow up something, though.

Grade: A-

Kermit The Frog - Let's see, we got the Hi-Ho, the Kermit cheer, the mouth clamp and twitch to get free, the collapse, the smooch from Kelly, and two instances of his character's typical no-good-deed-goes-unpunished misfortune, including the paper bag to close their appearance. Frog's been a star for so long, he doesn't know anything else. How he and Cena didn't wind up together for a scene, though, is beyond me.

Grade: A

Overall Muppet Grade: 2.52, just over a C+

Vickie Guerrero - I would like to proffer the opinion that she might be the most underrated performer in WWE right now. Generates instant heat with two words. And if you rewatch the opening segment with Kermit and Piggy and just study her, she was pitch-perfect throughout. I wanted her in, thought she could do well, and she was brilliant.

Grade: A+

Jack Swagger - Maybe the promo of his career and two great physical bits with Kermit and Gonzo. The hogtie around the snout of the latter was a nice touch.

Grade: A

Santino Marella - His appearances with both Kermit & Piggy and the in-match Beaker cameo featured his usual impeccable comedic timing. Another guy who had to be involved in this and did a super job, but, again, I thought he could've done more with more opportunity.

Grade: A-

Kelly Kelly - Short, sweet, and just ignoring Piggy as she made her move on Kermit was more of the Alpha Female side of her we've recently seen. All without speaking, too. I like a woman like that! :-)

Grade: B+

Christian - Pretty good, but I thought he was a little off on his timing. I might've given that one more take backstage, guys.

Grade: B-

Sheamus - Similar to Kelly, short & sweet, plus a couple solid lines and got a good pop with the hair spiking.

Grade: A-

Dolph Ziggler - Kind of a hanger-on in his scene. Had one of Gonzo's arms, but didn't do anything with it after pulling it out. I will also proffer the opinion that he's selling bumps almost as good as Curt Hennig did back in the day. Needs to work on his Muppet interaction for next time, though.

Grade: C+

John Morrison - Had no trouble since there were no over-scripted lines, seemed pretty natural and had good facial expressions and timing with Piggy. I know he's got it in him, why don't we see it more?

Grade: B+

Hornswoggle - It was a big night for him. Any dude who gets 5 tattoos to honor the appearing guest stars and still gets karate chopped by Miss Piggy for his efforts can't get a low grade from me.

Grade: A-

Cody Rhodes - Short, sweet, in character, not sure of why he did it, though. Just to be a dick? OK, I'll buy that I guess.

Grade: B+

Missing In Action - No Ron Simmons "Damn!"?!?!? On THIS night? Really, WWE? No William Regal? Neither of your big champions, ADR & Henry? And last, and certainly by every means most, your four top stars right now in terms of on-mic skills and ad-lib performances; Cena, Miz, Truth, and Punk... absolutely ZERO interaction with The Muppets?!?!?!?! Are you fucking kidding me, WWE??!?! The only thing saving this from an F is my undying gratitude for keeping Randy Orton off my TV for a week. Can't have the real puppet getting upstaged by actual puppets now, can we?

Grade: D-

Overall Superstar Grade: 3.3, right about smack dab between a B and a B+

Overall Performance Grade: 2.88, right between a B- and B

OK, so the WWE did their part and if WWE's goal was to make sure their guys came out looking good then mission accomplished. The Muppets grade, as it turns out, was more about who WASN'T there than the performers who actually were. This I blame on WWE for not being more inclusive and open to sharing the spotlight with their guest stars for this ONE night. Make some memories, not just for your fans, but for your employees, too. You think CM Punk would've had a grand time recounting to his kids some day the time he was riffing with Waldorf & Statler on everything from Swagger losing via Blue Energy Drink Mist to Michael Cole sucking the life out of the building?

Anyway, as I was saying, if you ignored those who were absent and just counted the Muppets who WERE there and did their thing, their grade moves up to a 3.29, right behind the WWE Superstars. So all in all, a B to a B+ from everybody who was involved. Like I said at the outset, it was pretty good. With a little bit of extra effort, though, not to mention some cooperation from the WWE Creative Team on pacing and storytelling and the USA Network on extra time, it could've very easily hit the A-range.

As I stated over in the Raw thread, it's like reaching a tough par 5 in two and then 3-putting. You'd've taken the par when you were standing on the tee, but after the crushed drive of Kermit & Piggy, and the solid 3-wood approach with Sheamus & Beaker, it was kind of a shame not to at least birdie the hole, or maybe even eagle it.

Next time The Muppets are on, WWE, put me in charge for one night!!!

[Edited on 11-5-2011 by Dominator]