By
contributing to Online
Onslaught,
you'll help make sure we're around for years to come. Toss us as little as
a few bucks, or as much as your generosity allows. Thanks!
Gee, Janerd, why are you such a silly willy all the time? Welp, when you've been in country this long, you're bound to go a little mad.
Oh, and the face eating zombies don't help neither.
Just offering up a lil' taste of where I unfortunately call home. I believe some of the esteemed fellOOws here were one-time residents on the
tip end of 'Murica's donger, so I'd be curious to know what was your...IT...was that made you throw your shit in your car and head
north, never to return to Paradise's Asshole agayn. And I'd also like to hear from fellOOw fucking morons that either can't or
*shudders* won't leave this festering, sweltering, H.I.V. infection capital of the U.S. and A. Is not niiiice!
Please enjoy these incidents which all took place roughly five miles from my house!
"Well, life's a bitch n' then you marry one. Alls you know now is you're goin' into the bar tonight to get just fuckin'
interplanetary." - Wayne (Letterkenny)
Paddlefoot
Rocco Rock of Jabroni
Posts 7332
Registered 1-19-2008 Location Stupid Idiot Section Member Is Offline
Mood: ChinceMcMahon
posted on 5-10-2017 at 03:11 PM
Did someone say Florida?
You know, everyone says it's not supposed to make sense, like that's the whole point, dude. And I'm just saying, you know,
that's like an excuse for lazy storytelling. Just don't sell me shite and tell me it's gold, all right? I might be stoned, but
I'm not high. You know what I mean?
- Cassidy from Preacher, commenting on The Big Lebowski and/or professional wrestling
denverpunk
The Rowdy One
Posts 2582
Registered 6-27-2007 Location Mile-Hi Member Is Offline
Mood: Stoked
posted on 5-10-2017 at 05:19 PM
All right. Here's one.
I'm from Orlando, which is its own special kind of hell hole, so i didn't often do down south. About ten years ago, I was home for a
couple of months and decided to see some buddies down there. One guy named TJ lived in Hollywood.
First off, it's a long fucking drive. Close to the end of such drive, I see a car parked on a sidewalk with what appeared to be a man stuck
headfirst through a broken windshield (like, with feet dangling over the hood of the car), who looked very much not alive. I did not stop to
investigate (it's South Florida, right?). I did tell TJ about it, and we spent the next two hours drinking and checking the police beat.
Nothing. We drove by a few hours later. Nothing was there.
Forget about it, Jake. It's Chinatown.
[Edited on 5-10-2017 by denverpunk]
Paddlefoot
Rocco Rock of Jabroni
Posts 7332
Registered 1-19-2008 Location Stupid Idiot Section Member Is Offline
Mood: ChinceMcMahon
posted on 5-29-2017 at 05:07 PM
A reminder today that Florida Man comes in all colours and crosses the full economic spectrum from hideously poor to outrageously wealthy:
You know, everyone says it's not supposed to make sense, like that's the whole point, dude. And I'm just saying, you know,
that's like an excuse for lazy storytelling. Just don't sell me shite and tell me it's gold, all right? I might be stoned, but
I'm not high. You know what I mean?
- Cassidy from Preacher, commenting on The Big Lebowski and/or professional wrestling
janerd75
The Great One
Posts 3766
Registered 1-28-2013 Member Is Offline
Mood: Lantern kick'n
posted on 5-30-2017 at 07:05 PM
When The Urge� overcomes your better judgment, you just gotta it.
"Well, life's a bitch n' then you marry one. Alls you know now is you're goin' into the bar tonight to get just fuckin'
interplanetary." - Wayne (Letterkenny)
Flash
The Great One
Posts 3364
Registered 4-22-2005 Location Ontario, Canada Member Is Offline
Mood:
posted on 6-4-2017 at 09:33 PM
I was at Ft. Lauderdale airport the week before that Spirit fiasco happened; we were waiting on an Air Canada flight back to Toronto and the Delta
flight which shares the same waiting area was indefinitely delayed/cancelled (I think it was going to Cincinnati or something)... you basically had
like 50 Canadians sitting there quietly on the floor as what seemed like 300 very pissed off Delta passengers shouted, screamed, stood on chairs and
swore at the Delta folks... who in turn just yelled, and shouted at them back. You could see all the Canuck's just kind of looking at one
another wondering if there was going to be a riot... turns out the pilot just didn't show up and they had no idea where he was.
janerd75
The Great One
Posts 3766
Registered 1-28-2013 Member Is Offline
Mood: Lantern kick'n
posted on 6-5-2017 at 01:00 AM
And you didn't even tell me you were in town.
"Well, life's a bitch n' then you marry one. Alls you know now is you're goin' into the bar tonight to get just fuckin'
interplanetary." - Wayne (Letterkenny)
Flash
The Great One
Posts 3364
Registered 4-22-2005 Location Ontario, Canada Member Is Offline
Mood:
posted on 6-5-2017 at 04:02 AM
Ah, we were barely in town; We went right from the flight to the cruise port when we came in, and then on the way home we had like 7 hours to kill
from departing the cruise to catching our flight so we grabbed a cab to some mall that was a weird mix of being really fancy with a Macy's, but
also a wack of those stores that seem dedicated to products you'd find sold on infomercials at 3am... then trying to find a cab that could
accommodate the five of us back to the airport was beyond frustrating as the cab we called just didn't both coming which resulted in me trying
to flag down a cab for the better part of an hour before I found a minivan cab.
it. 
