By
contributing to Online
Onslaught,
you'll help make sure we're around for years to come. Toss us as little as
a few bucks, or as much as your generosity allows. Thanks!
Subject: OOfficial Discussion Thread for: RAW (May 1, 2017)
OORick
Intellectual Savior of the Masses
Posts 3633
Registered 12-27-2001 Location - The Birthplace of Aviation Member Is Offline
Mood: Flyered Up
posted on 5-2-2017 at 12:17 AM
OOfficial Discussion Thread for: RAW (May 1, 2017)
Tonight on RAW: with Brock Lesnar set to grace us with his presence for the next RAW-only PPV, the brand is set to determine a #1 Contender to
his WWEU Title.... tonight's main event will see Seth Rollins face off against Finn Balor to see who faces Brock at Extreme Rules....
you'll note that both men had to vacate World Titles due to injury, and while Rollins got his shots, Balor is still owed an obligatory match at
some point...
Rollins is fresh off a win against Samoa Joe, and Balor is fresh off announcing his intentions last night on MizTV.... obviously, a Workrate Spectacle
is practically expected out of these two, but outside interference from Joe/Authority and/or Miz could have a huge impact on things, too...
After Braun Strowman defeated Roman Reigns last night, you can bet that their feud is now going to continue to a rubber match at Extreme Rules... at
this point, does anybody want to bet against it being an Ambulance Match?
Full heel turn by Cesaro/Sheamus probably means they'll get another shot at the Hardys tag titles.... now, to see if the heinous disrespect
causes something to snap in Matthew....
Alexa Bliss is the first woman to win both the RAW and SD titles (Charlotte can/will still be the first to complete the Triple Crown, which also
includes NXT), and will certainly take time to shove it in all our stupid faces tonight.... a rematch with Bayley is also a certainty... in the
meantime, WWE is already promising a Bliss/Jax vs. Bayley/Sasha match on tonight's show...
The IC Title held by Dean Ambrose seemed destined to be the subject of a feud between Ambrose and Miz.... but Miz now has heat with Finn Balor, so who
knows? There were rumors last week of Ambrose moving on to a feud against Bray Wyatt, instead...
Look for the Writer Monkeys to have extra fun with these 6 top stories, so that they all include some kind of gimmicky hook that translates directly
into a stipulation for the Extreme Rules, PPV, too....
That is all. End communication.
The flOOr is yours, OO Nation. Don't wait till after 11pm to post, either. Pre-show previewing and prognosticating is certainly welcome.
So discuss, debate, and rate!
williamssl
Steers and Queers
Posts 7600
Registered 1-11-2004 Location Hippieville Member Is Offline
Mood: Fuck USC
posted on 5-2-2017 at 12:32 AM
I saw another place that had Miz listed as part of the #1 contender match - so a 3-way....which makes a whole lot less sense than what is mentioned
above. I can see shenanigans aplenty, including from Braun.
Don't Mess With Texas
Paddlefoot
Rocco Rock of Jabroni
Posts 7150
Registered 1-19-2008 Location Stupid Idiot Section Member Is Offline
Mood: G'bye SmokinJoe
posted on 5-2-2017 at 01:10 AM
Most wang-engorging brawl ever!
You know, everyone says it's not supposed to make sense, like that's the whole point, dude. And I'm just saying, you know,
that's like an excuse for lazy storytelling. Just don't sell me shite and tell me it's gold, all right? I might be stoned, but
I'm not high. You know what I mean?
- Cassidy from Preacher, commenting on The Big Lebowski and/or professional wrestling
janerd75
The Great One
Posts 3540
Registered 1-28-2013 Member Is Offline
Mood: Whatever the fuck
posted on 5-2-2017 at 01:11 AM
Finally, the real House of Whores match.
...Bippity Boo and Skibbity Bop or whatever the fuck. - punkerhardcornette
BRAY WYATT'S SPOOKY DOOKY VARIETY HOUR - Illy P.
I expect a company that's basically a cluster of jock shitheads to act like a place that's run by a cluster of jock shitheads. - P. Foot,
Esq.
Il Palazzo
Fella
Posts 418
Registered 2-25-2006 Location Cheddar Bay, NC Member Is Offline
Mood: Stepladder
posted on 5-2-2017 at 01:11 AM
I was thinking all in-ring promos would be improved with a little platform thing to stand on in the center, but I suppose that's one major
design flaw.
You did it, Nibbles. Now chew through my ball sack.
Paddlefoot
Rocco Rock of Jabroni
Posts 7150
Registered 1-19-2008 Location Stupid Idiot Section Member Is Offline
Mood: G'bye SmokinJoe
posted on 5-2-2017 at 01:28 AM
Those butt-level camera shots along the apron are simply fantastic.
You know, everyone says it's not supposed to make sense, like that's the whole point, dude. And I'm just saying, you know,
that's like an excuse for lazy storytelling. Just don't sell me shite and tell me it's gold, all right? I might be stoned, but
I'm not high. You know what I mean?
- Cassidy from Preacher, commenting on The Big Lebowski and/or professional wrestling
Count Zero
The Rowdy One
Posts 2064
Registered 1-29-2013 Location Canada East Member Is Offline
Mood: Heat Vacuum
posted on 5-2-2017 at 01:32 AM
Yo, first match,
[Edited on 5-2-2017 by Count Zero]
"It's a WWE tradition, to do something un-right." --Paddlefoot
coxito
IMPUDENT WRETCH!
Posts -164
Registered 9-17-2012 Member Is Offline
Mood: National
posted on 5-2-2017 at 01:32 AM
That dropkick on Emma was stiff as fuck.
Il Palazzo
Fella
Posts 418
Registered 2-25-2006 Location Cheddar Bay, NC Member Is Offline
Mood: Stepladder
posted on 5-2-2017 at 01:57 AM
For a moment, Rollins really meant he wanted a DVD copy of the 1996 TV movie The Beast, starring William Petersen, but then thought better of it.
You did it, Nibbles. Now chew through my ball sack.
Paddlefoot
Rocco Rock of Jabroni
Posts 7150
Registered 1-19-2008 Location Stupid Idiot Section Member Is Offline
Mood: G'bye SmokinJoe
posted on 5-2-2017 at 02:09 AM
Maybe I blacked out or something but how did it go from calling out Lesnar to a match for the IC title?
You know, everyone says it's not supposed to make sense, like that's the whole point, dude. And I'm just saying, you know,
that's like an excuse for lazy storytelling. Just don't sell me shite and tell me it's gold, all right? I might be stoned, but
I'm not high. You know what I mean?
- Cassidy from Preacher, commenting on The Big Lebowski and/or professional wrestling
janerd75
The Great One
Posts 3540
Registered 1-28-2013 Member Is Offline
Mood: Whatever the fuck
posted on 5-2-2017 at 02:27 AM
Comcast just rammed it in so far that I now cough piss, sooooo what'd I miss?!?! I'm assuming Reigns died on the way back to his home
pupuplanet and Benoit escaped the clutches of his Illuminati prison scheme and returned to cut an awkward Canadienne-themed promo while I was gone?
Wait, midget wrasslin's back now?!?!? Geez, I was only gone for 45 minutes....
ETA: Well, Beckyman and Hulk Statham, whilst I enjoy your efforts to sell them, I don't enjoy the Buckywords tumbling from your promomakers
because they're contrary to the efforts you've put forward thusfar.
But now we've got WWEDelete, which is nice. I guess.
ETA2: If you could merge Apollo Crews and Baron Corbin into a singular wrassler people cared aboot I still wouldn't give a shit. Unless I got to
see the experiment where they were vivisected and combined. That's the only way to get me to watch either of them.
ETA3: Don't give a shit how many times I see him now in 2017 WWE or how goofy he acts or how Pennsylvania thick his accent is, I'm really
glad to see Kurt.
[Edited on 5-2-2017 by janerd75]
...Bippity Boo and Skibbity Bop or whatever the fuck. - punkerhardcornette
BRAY WYATT'S SPOOKY DOOKY VARIETY HOUR - Illy P.
I expect a company that's basically a cluster of jock shitheads to act like a place that's run by a cluster of jock shitheads. - P. Foot,
Esq.
DKBroiler
SpeciASSl CUMedian
Posts 1471
Registered 1-25-2008 Location One Inch Right of Philly on a Map Member Is Offline
Mood: Old
posted on 5-2-2017 at 03:25 AM
What's a Pennsylvania accent?
Braun Strowman guy.
Paddlefoot
Rocco Rock of Jabroni
Posts 7150
Registered 1-19-2008 Location Stupid Idiot Section Member Is Offline
Mood: G'bye SmokinJoe
posted on 5-2-2017 at 03:42 AM
quote:Originally posted by DKBroiler
What's a Pennsylvania accent?
There's that dialect from around Scranton that's charitably been compared to the sound a Tasmanian devil makes when it's
masturbating with a cheese grater.
You know, everyone says it's not supposed to make sense, like that's the whole point, dude. And I'm just saying, you know,
that's like an excuse for lazy storytelling. Just don't sell me shite and tell me it's gold, all right? I might be stoned, but
I'm not high. You know what I mean?
- Cassidy from Preacher, commenting on The Big Lebowski and/or professional wrestling
Count Zero
The Rowdy One
Posts 2064
Registered 1-29-2013 Location Canada East Member Is Offline
Mood: Heat Vacuum
posted on 5-2-2017 at 03:43 AM
Vaguely Dutch/Amish?
"It's a WWE tradition, to do something un-right." --Paddlefoot
janerd75
The Great One
Posts 3540
Registered 1-28-2013 Member Is Offline
Mood: Whatever the fuck
posted on 5-2-2017 at 03:52 AM
quote:Originally posted by DKBroiler
What's a Pennsylvania accent?
It's like 'Scansin y'know, but dirtier, rustier, and more unionized.
Also, footbaw yo.
ETA: Why is there a bland cruiserweight fighting Miz and Rollins? Also, did the WWE retire their heavyweight titles as I don't see them spoken
aboot or defended much?
[Edited on 5-2-2017 by janerd75]
...Bippity Boo and Skibbity Bop or whatever the fuck. - punkerhardcornette
BRAY WYATT'S SPOOKY DOOKY VARIETY HOUR - Illy P.
I expect a company that's basically a cluster of jock shitheads to act like a place that's run by a cluster of jock shitheads. - P. Foot,
Esq.
Count Zero
The Rowdy One
Posts 2064
Registered 1-29-2013 Location Canada East Member Is Offline
Mood: Heat Vacuum
posted on 5-2-2017 at 04:04 AM
I think you're referring to the WWE Universally Part-Time Title? If so, that thing's been stolen by some blonde loser.
The REAL title is the JINDERMANIA belt, baybay. It's currently starring in a Bollywood movie, and won't been seen on TV until tomorrow at
best.
"It's a WWE tradition, to do something un-right." --Paddlefoot
Il Palazzo
Fella
Posts 418
Registered 2-25-2006 Location Cheddar Bay, NC Member Is Offline
Mood: Stepladder
posted on 5-2-2017 at 04:06 AM
Wyatt! Bray Wyatt! What KIND of man wears Armour hot dogs??? Wait, shit, I fucked it up. Gimme a second to set back up.
You did it, Nibbles. Now chew through my ball sack.
OORick
Intellectual Savior of the Masses
Posts 3633
Registered 12-27-2001 Location - The Birthplace of Aviation Member Is Offline
Mood: Flyered Up
posted on 5-2-2017 at 04:37 AM
quote:Originally posted by Paddlefoot
Maybe I blacked out or something but how did it go from calling out Lesnar to a match for the IC title?
Yeah, that was.... aggressively awkward.
From what I can tell, the thing *I* posted about a #1 Contender Match for Brock's title (between Rollins and Balor) was the plan on the books
all weekend. Then, at some point after my last intel, Miz was added to the match (still for Brock's title). Then, very very late in the day,
they changed it to the IC Title.
And they only decided to half-change the mid-show promo, so it still started being about Lesnar, but then Ambrose happened, and it morphed without
anybody noticing. Which is to say: everybody older than 8 years old noticed, but hey, whatever, right?!?!
Seems like there's significant confusion/debate about top programs for RAW. First it was Ambrose/Miz and Wyatt/Balor, with Brock/Rollins as the
one-off title match for Extreme Rules. Then, all signs pointed to Miz/Balor and Wyatt/Miz. Now, tonight's show resets it to the original plan.
So yeah, it's a fluid situation.
I do NOT have any real, first hand info about this, BUT: Angle announcing a "torn rotator cuff" for Strowman is an odd choice for a made-up injury.
That's a serious deal, 6-8 months minimum, and everybody who has a favorite baseball team knows it. Either they are out to make Strowman look
like a superman by coming back at Extreme Rules (and lose to Roman, with the injury to "blame"), or maybe something bad really did happen to the big
fella, and THAT is why we're re-shuffling the deck chairs.
We'll see. Brock's still coming back, and he needs competition. It's probably still down to Rollins or Balor... and tonight seemed
to re-ignite Rollins vs. Joe, so? Balor is it? I gotta admit, it's the exact kind of mis-match that could turn into a fabulous little roller
coaster ride (not unlike HHH vs. TAKA lo those many years ago).
Ambrose was positively delightful tonight, no matter how much him and his IC title were retconned into that segment. I don't care if the
scuttlebutt is that WWE officials told Miz to go out there and bury Ambrose for alleged half-assery, since the fact of the matter is that that guy can
usually just roll out of bed and be one of the top three most entertaining people on WWE TV. Nobody cares what his "effort" level is, dammit, so
long as the "entertainment" level is a constant (except for the handful of self-interested politicians and insecure control freaks who don't
want anybody to be successful unless they have to give 110% of their ass at all times to move the needle). See "Cool, Carlito Caribbean" or, to only
a slightly lesser extent "Jericho, Chris (circa the last year before his second "retirement" when the smarks hated him)."
The stuff they pulled off with Goldust/Truth and Apollo/Titus was pretty neat, too. Apollo clearly has everything you need, physically, to be a star,
but lacks the "it." Titus doesn't have much in-the-ring, but has some "it." Goldy and Truth are all about "it," and seeing them brought
out of mothballs to interact meaningfully with the GM is cool. The end result of all the "using the whole cast of characters to fullest advantage"
should be a cool Tag Team Turmoil Gauntlet next week, where fans are actually into more than just the obvious 3 teams (even if Sheamus/Cesaro are
still 98% likely to win). Attention to mid-card acts is how you get EVERY segment to matter a little bit more, and tonight, they did well on that
front (cruisers, too)....
Rick
the goon
Sister Act
Posts 6215
Registered 3-13-2004 Location Charlotte, NC Member Is Offline
Mood:
posted on 5-2-2017 at 04:47 AM
quote:Originally posted by OORick
We'll see. Brock's still coming back, and he needs competition. It's probably still down to Rollins or Balor... and tonight seemed
to re-ignite Rollins vs. Joe, so? Balor is it?
I dunno, wouldn't Bray/Balor seem more likely at this point, based on Bray costing him the match tonight and the promo he cut a couple of weeks
ago? Though if that is the direction they're going, it's going to be like "Bray Wyatt Randomly Attacking Someone To Start A Feud Part
XXXIV."
Also, that was a damn good main event.
OORick
Intellectual Savior of the Masses
Posts 3633
Registered 12-27-2001 Location - The Birthplace of Aviation Member Is Offline
Mood: Flyered Up
posted on 5-2-2017 at 05:05 AM
Point taken on Bray/Balor being very viable..... if I'm reading that main event to portend more Rollins/Joe, then running with Bray/Balor is
also entirely logical.
But I have to admit that my brain skipped over it, because (to me) it felt like that mid-show interaction with Bray and Angle was pointing us
somewhere else with Wyatt. Maybe it's just my eternal naivete and hope that one of these "rebirths" of Wyatt will actually lead to something
other than randomly spewing nonsensical Word Salad out of his face-hole, but you don't just get in the GM's face, and then go settle in
for a random feud with Finn Balor.
Or maybe you do. I dunno.... but 5 weeks till Extreme Rules means we need to konw the plan for Brock sooner than later, and then the undercard sorts
itself out pretty obviously.
Rick
williamssl
Steers and Queers
Posts 7600
Registered 1-11-2004 Location Hippieville Member Is Offline
Mood: Fuck USC
posted on 5-2-2017 at 05:17 AM
Brock isn't defending his title until the Fiery Balls event in July, 2 RAM ppvs out. Extreme Rules has to make do without him.
EDIT: At least that's the conclusion many reached based on the video promo for Balls Flamb�
[Edited on 5-2-2017 by williamssl]
Don't Mess With Texas
Count Zero
The Rowdy One
Posts 2064
Registered 1-29-2013 Location Canada East Member Is Offline
Mood: Heat Vacuum
posted on 5-2-2017 at 05:52 AM
I've seen supposedly-real pictures of the logo for Flaming Balls, and... If it's real, as opposed to something somebody photoshopped
together? Jesus Christ it's horrible.
Anybody see it on any "reputable" sites yet?
PB-13
Showstopper
Posts 830
Registered 7-27-2002 Location Belleville, IL(near St. Louis) Member Is Offline
Mood: No Mood.
posted on 5-2-2017 at 06:08 AM
Looks like the big shocker of the night on Raw was that they have enough women to book an eight-woman tag match.
-PB
RIP My Friend Mark, 1991-2016
Iron Claw
Creepy Little Bastard
Posts 72
Registered 2-24-2003 Member Is Offline
Mood: giddy
posted on 5-2-2017 at 08:32 AM
Is the falcon arrow not a legit finisher? Shouldn't it be? Just saying....
ETA I like Miz a lot.
ETA eh....
[Edited on 5-2-2017 by Iron Claw]
PB-13
Showstopper
Posts 830
Registered 7-27-2002 Location Belleville, IL(near St. Louis) Member Is Offline
Mood: No Mood.
posted on 5-2-2017 at 09:06 AM
Irony hipsters on social media must be dead from dehydration after Miz beat the two "indie darlings" in that main event.
