By
contributing to Online
Onslaught,
you'll help make sure we're around for years to come. Toss us as little as
a few bucks, or as much as your generosity allows. Thanks!
Posts 11484
Registered 6-25-2002 Location Sunny Seattle, WA Member Is Offline
Mood: Authoritized
posted on 6-2-2016 at 12:33 AM
I sought it out and found it, along with Matt as fake Willow. Wow, that was bad.
anglefan85
Man of a Thousand Holds
Posts 1147
Registered 12-6-2005 Location Long Island, New York Member Is Offline
Mood: Relaxed
posted on 6-2-2016 at 03:02 AM
quote:Originally posted by CM Crunk
I am so completely and utterly out of the loop as far as TNA goes, but I have to ask: Why does Matt Hardy look like Toecutter now?
Would anybody care to clue me in?
I view him more as Jimmy Jacobs, if Jimmy Jacobs ate Tyler Black.
Also, Salmonjunkie, if you thought that was bad, check this out from last night. These were all the Hardy segments from last nights, all in one
video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jzScgAhSt0
[Edited on 6-2-2016 by anglefan85]
[Edited on 6-2-2016 by anglefan85]
The WWE: Where no one wins, unless you like Cena, in which case you are a sad little fanboy who will never get laid, but we are happy to take your
money away-Moosehead Jack
"She is an estrogen molotov cocktail. It'd be in your best interest not to piss her off."- My thoughts on Firewoman
"Kurt Angle is like a living vortex of the surreal. On the off chance he's not doing, saying or thinking crazy things, people connected to him
act crazy by association, caught in the gravitational pull of his insanity."- Ringout from FAN Forums
Paddlefoot
Rocco Rock of Jabroni
Posts 6249
Registered 1-19-2008 Location huhhhhhh Member Is Offline
Mood: Finally Deleted
posted on 6-2-2016 at 03:51 AM
Man, I gotta go to the southern states someday just so I can see all the wonderful.....things. This needs to stay on the internet forever because I
want to take some acid again one night and watch it over and over and over repeatedly. Kind of disappointed in Jeff though. Thought he would have had
the model volcano in the backyard rebuilt at the same time the house was after he burnt it down.
You know, everyone says it's not supposed to make sense, like that's the whole point, dude. And I'm just saying, you know,
that's like an excuse for lazy storytelling. Just don't sell me shite and tell me it's gold, all right? I might be stoned, but
I'm not high. You know what I mean?
- Cassidy from Preacher, commenting on The Big Lebowski and/or professional wrestling
janerd75
The Rowdy One
Posts 2875
Registered 1-28-2013 Location 7 Deities BBQ Bake Sale Member Is Offline
Mood: Bung Spelunking
posted on 6-2-2016 at 05:32 AM
I hadn't checked in on TNA in a while, but the recent Hardy Boyz meth induced fever dream delusionarium antics inspired me to look in on what
they're up to. Suffice it to say, I'm fairly certain Dixie will soon be indicted on RICO charges for either money laundering for the
cartels through TNA and/or is channeling funds to ISIS. There really is no better explanation for any of this. I don't know who taught these
people to do promos, but Stephen Hawking unceremoniously dumped out onto the stage from a burlap sack, like Jake used to toss out Damien, and without
the use of his magical talking Hoveround chair would be better on the mic than any of these goons. Poor, poor Al Snow.
quote:Originally posted by Paddlefoot
Man, I gotta go to the southern states someday just so I can see all the wonderful.....things. This needs to stay on the internet forever because I
want to take some acid again one night and watch it over and over and over repeatedly. Kind of disappointed in Jeff though. Thought he would have had
the model volcano in the backyard rebuilt at the same time the house was after he burnt it down.
Don't you say that, Canada. Don't you ever say that. Stay there. Stay there as long as you can. Cherish it.
Canada, tell your people to stay away. Stay away now, don't...don't come down here. Whatever you hear, stay away! FloriDoe has the upper
hand...
The science is settled: Fuck Everybody
Old Man Crunk with an early candidate for line of the night re: Nia Jaxx. "Face like Pam Grier, body like Rosey Grier."
Paddlefoot
Rocco Rock of Jabroni
Posts 6249
Registered 1-19-2008 Location huhhhhhh Member Is Offline
Mood: Finally Deleted
posted on 6-2-2016 at 05:40 AM
But all those fat old fat Quebec fat men in their fat sixties wearing their fat speedos that flock to the beaches are now officially part of what
gives Florida it's charm. They actually kind of set the fat standard for offensive fat beach wear that all the other freaks had to catch up to.
You know, everyone says it's not supposed to make sense, like that's the whole point, dude. And I'm just saying, you know,
that's like an excuse for lazy storytelling. Just don't sell me shite and tell me it's gold, all right? I might be stoned, but
I'm not high. You know what I mean?
- Cassidy from Preacher, commenting on The Big Lebowski and/or professional wrestling
Count Zero
Man of a Thousand Holds
Posts 1381
Registered 1-29-2013 Location Canada East Member Is Offline
Mood: Canadian Iddi-it
posted on 6-2-2016 at 07:25 AM
quote:Originally posted by anglefan85
Also, Salmonjunkie, if you thought that was bad, check this out from last night. These were all the Hardy segments from last nights, all in one
video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jzScgAhSt0
It's like it's some kind of master plan on Matt's part to make Jeff seem like
"the normal Hardy" or something.. I just...
Originally posted by williamssl
"That hasn't stopped us from doing this shit before!"
"Checkmate, sir. Checkmate"
cardscott5
Man of a Thousand Holds
Posts 1196
Registered 6-28-2007 Location wherever god takes me Member Is Offline
Mood:
posted on 6-2-2016 at 08:21 PM
That final Hardy segment was unbelievable. That's the only word that I can think of because I still can't believe that was a segment. Not
sure if it was amazing or awful. It was one of them.
Visit my site: www.BearcatsBlog.com
Follow me on twitter if you want, @Cardscott5. Also @BearcatsBlog. Pretend to care.
CCharger
The Rowdy One
Posts 2946
Registered 7-21-2010 Member Is Offline
Mood: Obtuse
posted on 6-2-2016 at 09:33 PM
It's so bad, it's kind of good.
Kind of like in an Andy Kaufman reading The Great Gatsby for his performance at a comedy club.
When it Reigns, it bores.
Paddlefoot
Rocco Rock of Jabroni
Posts 6249
Registered 1-19-2008 Location huhhhhhh Member Is Offline
Mood: Finally Deleted
posted on 6-2-2016 at 09:38 PM
Good call on the Kaufman comparison because what Matt and Jeff put together with that video is pretty much the maximized Tony Clifton of pre-recorded
wrasslin' promos.
You know, everyone says it's not supposed to make sense, like that's the whole point, dude. And I'm just saying, you know,
that's like an excuse for lazy storytelling. Just don't sell me shite and tell me it's gold, all right? I might be stoned, but
I'm not high. You know what I mean?
- Cassidy from Preacher, commenting on The Big Lebowski and/or professional wrestling
gobbledygooker
Sister Act 2
Posts 9123
Registered 12-17-2002 Location Charlotte, NC Member Is Offline
Mood:
posted on 6-11-2016 at 11:57 PM
It was definitely up there with Rock/Foley in an empty arena or Hogan seeing the Warrior's reflection in the mirror in WCW. Wrestlecrap is
always a beautiful thing.
All that said, I really thought this feud should've died with their admittedly very strong match a few months back, ending with Jeff doing a
sick swanton off a ladder, but they're obviously stretching it out and apparently Jeff is promising some sort of insane bump to end all insane
bumps so hopefully nobody dies.
"Hulk Hogan have the sex with some dumb bitch on the TV. The girl smart if she make the $$ from his bald ass but she also desperate to have sex with
the howdy doody like Hulk Hogan. He worse than Mel Gibson and I think now %10000 he prove he have grasshopper dick and raisin balls." - The Iron
Sheik
gobbledygooker
Sister Act 2
Posts 9123
Registered 12-17-2002 Location Charlotte, NC Member Is Offline
Mood:
posted on 6-11-2016 at 11:57 PM
It was definitely up there with Rock/Foley in an empty arena or Hogan seeing the Warrior's reflection in the mirror in WCW. Wrestlecrap is
always a beautiful thing.
All that said, I really thought this feud should've died with their admittedly very strong match a few months back, ending with Jeff doing a
sick swanton off a ladder, but they're obviously stretching it out and apparently Jeff is promising some sort of insane bump to end all insane
bumps so hopefully nobody dies.
"Hulk Hogan have the sex with some dumb bitch on the TV. The girl smart if she make the $$ from his bald ass but she also desperate to have sex with
the howdy doody like Hulk Hogan. He worse than Mel Gibson and I think now %10000 he prove he have grasshopper dick and raisin balls." - The Iron
Sheik
gobbledygooker
Sister Act 2
Posts 9123
Registered 12-17-2002 Location Charlotte, NC Member Is Offline
Mood:
posted on 6-14-2016 at 06:46 PM
So TNA had a PPV recently. Yea?
Lashley is the new champ. On the one hand, I think Galloway would definitely work chasing the title (as well as get other faces back in the title
picture, i.e. ECIII). On the other hand - Lashley SUCKS.
In all seriousness, it sounds like it was a decent PPV, wrestling-wise. Strong X Division match with Eddie Edwards winning that title. Jeff Hardy
didn't die (and beat Matt Hardy yet again, so I have no clue where either brother goes from there). ECIII beat Mike Bennett to, I assume, put
that feud to rest. And TNA lives another day. Huzzah.
"Hulk Hogan have the sex with some dumb bitch on the TV. The girl smart if she make the $$ from his bald ass but she also desperate to have sex with
the howdy doody like Hulk Hogan. He worse than Mel Gibson and I think now %10000 he prove he have grasshopper dick and raisin balls." - The Iron
Sheik
anglefan85
Man of a Thousand Holds
Posts 1147
Registered 12-6-2005 Location Long Island, New York Member Is Offline
Mood: Relaxed
posted on 6-15-2016 at 05:12 PM
Holy shit, I manage to divert attention away from TNA for a week, and they go and decide to have a week full of total nonstop asshattery.
And this can't even be called out on because of Meltzer, even though he reported the news, since the proof is right on the Facebook page of
their head businessman:
quote:
--Dave says TNA was in an absolute crisis situation. Dean Broadhead, the BUSINESS HEAD of TNA, wrote on facebook this week that on Thursday and Friday
he logged over 80 business calls with "attorneys, accountants, vendors, bankers, employees" and said it may be time for him to retire, but not until
everything is in the right place. When asked why he had to make all those calls, Dean said he had twelve hours to secure financing for TNA, so that
production trucks could come.
--Dave says he thought TNA had money for this TV taping, but apparently they didn't have enough. Dave brings up again that TNA was originally
going to tape not just Monday through Wednesday this week, but an extra month of Impact on Thursday and Friday, and canceled plans for those last two
days to save money short term (It'll cost more in the long run, because they'll have to fly everyone out sooner than usual for another set
of Impact tapings).
--Dave says this was where Billy Corgan came in, and while he doesn't know all the details, TNA had some loans to Aroluxe that needed to be paid
back, and seeing as how they run production, "they control all the equipment". Dave makes it sound like these tapings wouldn't have happened
without Corgan paying off Aroluxe.
--Dave says people are going to get mad that he said all this, but points out that this isn't investigative journalism, Dean Broadhead posted
about the trouble they were in on facebook.
--Dave says the big problem for TNA coming up, beyond finding money for the NEXT TV tapings, is that sooner or later they have to go to India to fill
their once a year obligation to Sony Six. The problem is that while Sony Six will pay some of the costs, they're not going to pay all of them.
Dave says a trip to India is very very expensive for TNA, but at the same time, not doing the shows puts them in danger of losing Sony Six, which is
one of their key revenue streams. Dave says not only was last year's India tapings canceled, but this year's have already been delayed
once.
And then last night, TNA managed to outdo themselves, with the mother of all technical issues, namely with the master control tapes.
Anyone who watched last night can attest to this. For all but the last nine minutes of Impact, with the exception of some very brief, very glitchy
footage they ran nothing but a loop of the same four or so commercials over and over and over and over. For an hour and 51 minutes.
And then Dixie went and threw Pop under the bus by going on social media and blaming them for the issues.
Screw dying days of WCW, this is on par with, if not even worse than, the dying days of AWA at this point.
[Edited on 6-15-2016 by anglefan85]
[Edited on 6-15-2016 by anglefan85]
The WWE: Where no one wins, unless you like Cena, in which case you are a sad little fanboy who will never get laid, but we are happy to take your
money away-Moosehead Jack
"She is an estrogen molotov cocktail. It'd be in your best interest not to piss her off."- My thoughts on Firewoman
"Kurt Angle is like a living vortex of the surreal. On the off chance he's not doing, saying or thinking crazy things, people connected to him
act crazy by association, caught in the gravitational pull of his insanity."- Ringout from FAN Forums
nOOb
The Man
Posts 6754
Registered 5-24-2004 Member Is Offline
Mood: Hot Dog!
posted on 6-15-2016 at 05:21 PM
So...best episode of Impact in recent memory, then?
"The Seahawks are cool. Me and Tubby here hung out with them once at a Bruno Mars concert."-Jay and Silent Bob representing the Broncos on FOX NFL
Sunday.
anglefan85
Man of a Thousand Holds
Posts 1147
Registered 12-6-2005 Location Long Island, New York Member Is Offline
Mood: Relaxed
posted on 6-15-2016 at 05:27 PM
Seriously, though, this is unlike anything TNA's ever done. They're fucked.
The only thing that's keeping them afloat is that Corgan is a minority owner and can funnel money in, but after all of this, I can onl assume
that he's not staying for very much longer. And he's the same guy who turned down a minority ownership from Heyman in the dying days of
ECW.
[Edited on 6-15-2016 by anglefan85]
The WWE: Where no one wins, unless you like Cena, in which case you are a sad little fanboy who will never get laid, but we are happy to take your
money away-Moosehead Jack
"She is an estrogen molotov cocktail. It'd be in your best interest not to piss her off."- My thoughts on Firewoman
"Kurt Angle is like a living vortex of the surreal. On the off chance he's not doing, saying or thinking crazy things, people connected to him
act crazy by association, caught in the gravitational pull of his insanity."- Ringout from FAN Forums
the goon
Sister Act
Posts 5910
Registered 3-13-2004 Location Charlotte, NC Member Is Offline
Mood:
posted on 6-16-2016 at 03:12 AM
quote:Originally posted by anglefan85
For all but the last nine minutes of Impact, with the exception of some very brief, very glitchy footage they ran nothing but a loop of the same four
or so commercials over and over and over and over. For an hour and 51 minutes.
In a long line of "That's so TNA" stories, that is like, the mother of all "That's so TNA" stories.
quote:Originally posted by nOOb
So...best episode of Impact in recent memory, then?
You win the bOOards for the day.
Nash is only a few inches bigger than JBL and depending on how stiff he gets Punk should be able to take it. -JB King, meant in a totally non-sexual
way
bopol
Showstopper
Posts 616
Registered 1-18-2013 Member Is Offline
Mood:
posted on 6-16-2016 at 04:48 AM
quote:Originally posted by anglefan85
Seriously, though, this is unlike anything TNA's ever done. They're fucked.
The only thing that's keeping them afloat is that Corgan is a minority owner and can funnel money in, but after all of this, I can onl assume
that he's not staying for very much longer. And he's the same guy who turned down a minority ownership from Heyman in the dying days of
ECW.
[Edited on 6-15-2016 by anglefan85]
It's good to see the carny coming back into wrestling.
I only signed up so I can read the forum.
denverpunk
The Rowdy One
Posts 2460
Registered 6-27-2007 Location Mile-Hi Member Is Offline
Mood: Stoked
posted on 6-16-2016 at 05:50 PM
quote:Originally posted by CM Crunk
I am so completely and utterly out of the loop as far as TNA goes, but I have to ask: Why does Matt Hardy look like Toecutter now?
Would anybody care to clue me in?
I think he looks more like Sensational Sherri, right down to the clothes.
salmonjunkie
Best There Is Was or Ever Will Be
Posts 11484
Registered 6-25-2002 Location Sunny Seattle, WA Member Is Offline
Mood: Authoritized
posted on 6-16-2016 at 10:15 PM
I would laugh my ass off if the crowd started chanting Scary Sheri during Matt's matches.
gobbledygooker
Sister Act 2
Posts 9123
Registered 12-17-2002 Location Charlotte, NC Member Is Offline
Mood:
posted on 6-17-2016 at 03:01 AM
Needs more makeup.
"Hulk Hogan have the sex with some dumb bitch on the TV. The girl smart if she make the $$ from his bald ass but she also desperate to have sex with
the howdy doody like Hulk Hogan. He worse than Mel Gibson and I think now %10000 he prove he have grasshopper dick and raisin balls." - The Iron
Sheik
Paddlefoot
Rocco Rock of Jabroni
Posts 6249
Registered 1-19-2008 Location huhhhhhh Member Is Offline
Mood: Finally Deleted
posted on 6-17-2016 at 03:23 AM
The only other thing funnier right now if the idea of Dixie phoning up Vince McMahon for help because if she doesn't cough up the money the
Harris bros are "gonna take my thumbs".
You know, everyone says it's not supposed to make sense, like that's the whole point, dude. And I'm just saying, you know,
that's like an excuse for lazy storytelling. Just don't sell me shite and tell me it's gold, all right? I might be stoned, but
I'm not high. You know what I mean?
- Cassidy from Preacher, commenting on The Big Lebowski and/or professional wrestling
anglefan85
Man of a Thousand Holds
Posts 1147
Registered 12-6-2005 Location Long Island, New York Member Is Offline
Mood: Relaxed
posted on 7-6-2016 at 05:30 AM
Those Hardy segments tonight was one of the biggest mindfucks I've ever seen. And dammit, I loved every cheesy moment of it.
The WWE: Where no one wins, unless you like Cena, in which case you are a sad little fanboy who will never get laid, but we are happy to take your
money away-Moosehead Jack
"She is an estrogen molotov cocktail. It'd be in your best interest not to piss her off."- My thoughts on Firewoman
"Kurt Angle is like a living vortex of the surreal. On the off chance he's not doing, saying or thinking crazy things, people connected to him
act crazy by association, caught in the gravitational pull of his insanity."- Ringout from FAN Forums
First 9
The Rowdy One
Posts 2000
Registered 1-22-2013 Member Is Offline
Mood: Doing the Emma Dance
posted on 7-6-2016 at 06:02 AM
I loved the fuck out of Final Deletion. It really is just a one step above ''The Unsactioned matches'' WWE does. Only now, it
doesn't even take place in the promotion's ring. It's the maniacal heel beating the face in his home turf and sending the tape for
everybody to see.
With how much hype the concept generated, I hope WWE or LU learn from it and fix the kinks. Yeah, kayfabe wise the match should have Blair Witch-like
editing but I feel they overdid it and dubbing in music was just an odd choice. This really felt like a rough draft of the next big gimmick match. The
Empty Arena concept applied to a gimmicky setting for maximun spoterrific awesomeness.
janerd75
The Rowdy One
Posts 2875
Registered 1-28-2013 Location 7 Deities BBQ Bake Sale Member Is Offline
Mood: Bung Spelunking
posted on 7-6-2016 at 06:37 AM
This will probably get pulled soon so watch or download it while you can...or forward it to the police...or look at it and pretend you took, like,
three LSDs and get nuts...fuck I don't know...
I. Don't. Know.
Just...just find your own goddamned WTF gifs for this one. I don't think the Rick's servers could handle the amount I'd like to post
after watching that.
The science is settled: Fuck Everybody
Old Man Crunk with an early candidate for line of the night re: Nia Jaxx. "Face like Pam Grier, body like Rosey Grier."
Paddlefoot
Rocco Rock of Jabroni
Posts 6249
Registered 1-19-2008 Location huhhhhhh Member Is Offline
Mood: Finally Deleted
posted on 7-6-2016 at 06:46 AM
Nice touch using trouble lights and citronella candles to illuminate the ring. "Look! A dilapidated boat!". Good god, ya'll, there are no
other words sufficient enough to use.
You know, everyone says it's not supposed to make sense, like that's the whole point, dude. And I'm just saying, you know,
that's like an excuse for lazy storytelling. Just don't sell me shite and tell me it's gold, all right? I might be stoned, but
I'm not high. You know what I mean?
- Cassidy from Preacher, commenting on The Big Lebowski and/or professional wrestling
