By
contributing to Online
Onslaught,
you'll help make sure we're around for years to come. Toss us as little as
a few bucks, or as much as your generosity allows. Thanks!
Tonight on SmackDown: the ladies in blue take their shot at trumping RAW's women (who were featured last night for the entire final half
hour of the show)... WWE's "Please Forgive Us" Re-Do of the Historic First Ever Women's Money in the Bank Ladder Match is
tonight's centerpiece, and will almost certainly have WWE learning from it's mistakes (if the PPV's finish was even a mistake; it
was a completely valid heel move, really, and if WWE planned along to re-do the match on free TV, then what's the deal?)... in other words, the
pop will be mighty when Ellsworth gets kicked out of the match...
Based on how well Carmella's promo went over last week, I wouldn't say this immediately disqualifies her from winning a second time....
WWE's main narrative all week long has been that Becky Lynch is the one who "should" have won, if not for Ellsworth, so that might tell us
something about the current pecking order in the division, too...
And if determining a new #1 Contender to Naomi's title in a Ladder Match isn't enough, the Women's Title will also be defended
tonight, as Naomi brashly laughed off Lana's skillz, and granted her a rematch for tonight... while it wouldn't exactly set the world on
fire, a Lana upset win does open the door for a more wide-open playing field and quicker cash-in by Ms. MitB....
We also know that the Hype Bros are facing the Usos on a NON-Title match, but one which will grant them a title shot if they are victorious.... and
the saga of Sami Zayn and Baron Corbin continues tonight (presumably with Corbin decisively beating Zayn after all the sneaky wins Zayn got in the
lead up to MitB)...
And that sounds like 2 hours of TV, to me.... who's the WWE World Champ, again? Or his top contender? Talk about addition by subtraction...
That is all. End communication....
The flOOr is yours, OO Nation. Don't wait till after 11pm to post, either. Pre-show previewing and prognosticating is certainly welcome.
So discuss, debate, and rate!
janerd75
The Great One
Posts 3879
Registered 1-28-2013 Member Is Offline
Mood: Juan Trick Pony
posted on 6-28-2017 at 12:43 AM
"Well, life's a bitch n' then you marry one. Alls you know now is you're goin' into the bar tonight to get just fuckin'
interplanetary." - Wayne (Letterkenny)
"This is the water and this is the well. Drink full and descend. The horse is the white of the eyes, dark within." The Woodsman
First 9
The Rowdy One
Posts 2421
Registered 1-22-2013 Member Is Offline
Mood: Doing the Emma Dance
posted on 6-28-2017 at 12:46 AM
At the risk of being compared to a certain somebody, I really hope they do go with Becky as the MITB holder. She is far, far above the rest of the
division on the mic. Last week's ''what's so complicated about doing the right thing?'' is second only to
Jericho's ''Who is Kevin Owens'' as the best babyface promo of the year so far. And in the ring only Charlotte is on her
level. The division really needs her and Lady Flair as it's absolute centerpieces right now. Naomi is decent but underwhelming, Natayla is past
her prime, Carmella is in that early Miz face where she can draw heat but her wrestling skill isn't up to par, and Lana is a work in progress.
Give the belt to Charlotte and do an ambigous face vs face feud as Charlotte is jumpy around Becky and becomes flat out hostile as the paranoia messes
with her head while Becky keeps failing to beat Charlotte fairly and struggles with when and how she should cash in to not blow her opportunity.
janerd75
The Great One
Posts 3879
Registered 1-28-2013 Member Is Offline
Mood: Juan Trick Pony
posted on 6-28-2017 at 01:03 AM
Huh, heavy-duty PPV caliber video packages to start the show.
"Well, life's a bitch n' then you marry one. Alls you know now is you're goin' into the bar tonight to get just fuckin'
interplanetary." - Wayne (Letterkenny)
"This is the water and this is the well. Drink full and descend. The horse is the white of the eyes, dark within." The Woodsman
OORick
If There Was Ever a Time
Posts 3679
Registered 12-27-2001 Location - The Birthplace of Aviation Member Is Offline
Mood: Armstrong'd~!
posted on 6-28-2017 at 01:08 AM
Last week, a really good time was being had by all, until Daniel Bryan uttered the words "next week." Then the air completely went out of the
building, which did not do much in service of a Jinder Mahal main event (at least, not until the RKOON).
Personally, by staying for "205 Live" I got a perfectly acceptable final taste in my mouth (we were basically out the door when the ridiculously
abrupt Mahal/Orton "Title" Match ended via DQ after less than 2 minutes, as per WWE standing policy for all dark match "main events"). And as much
as I was naively hopeful for the MitB Insta-Rematch, intellectually, I am well aware that the one week advance notice is the "right" thing to do, in
the big picture.
I give the experience a final score of 17 Thumbs Elevated to 30 Degrees Above Horizontal.
Rick
Paddlefoot
Rocco Rock of Jabroni
Posts 7446
Registered 1-19-2008 Location Stupid Idiot Section Member Is Online
Mood: ChinceMcMahon
posted on 6-28-2017 at 01:16 AM
Who would have ever thought the pairing of a turtleman and a girl with 0% body fat would result in such quality promos? The only way it could have
gone better would have been if Carm had gone full-Joisey and called everyone in the arena a bunch of stunads again.
You know, everyone says it's not supposed to make sense, like that's the whole point, dude. And I'm just saying, you know,
that's like an excuse for lazy storytelling. Just don't sell me shite and tell me it's gold, all right? I might be stoned, but
I'm not high. You know what I mean?
- Cassidy from Preacher, commenting on The Big Lebowski and/or professional wrestling
janerd75
The Great One
Posts 3879
Registered 1-28-2013 Member Is Offline
Mood: Juan Trick Pony
posted on 6-28-2017 at 01:18 AM
quote:Originally posted by OORick
Rick
Also, damn fine Carmellsworth promo to start the proceedings. Was kinda hoping D-Bry put Ellsy in a match for getting in his face and having his ass
get too beat to interfere later, but him being definitely gone works too.
"Well, life's a bitch n' then you marry one. Alls you know now is you're goin' into the bar tonight to get just fuckin'
interplanetary." - Wayne (Letterkenny)
"This is the water and this is the well. Drink full and descend. The horse is the white of the eyes, dark within." The Woodsman
Count Zero
The Rowdy One
Posts 2204
Registered 1-29-2013 Location Canada East Member Is Offline
Mood: Weeneedoo
posted on 6-28-2017 at 01:37 AM
Man, and I thought -I- was a big fangirl for The Rick.
That Uso promo was some Day One Is H.
And Fashion Vice??? YES PLEASE YES YES ALWAYS. I'm so for the legendary Miami '80s, with the speedboats, pastel-clad coke dealers,
hookers wearing their workout gear on the streets... Man. I have said far too damn much.
eta: TWO TICKETS TO GRINDCORE THRASH METAL OR NO DEAL, COPPERS.
[Edited on 6-28-2017 by Count Zero]
Paddlefoot
Rocco Rock of Jabroni
Posts 7446
Registered 1-19-2008 Location Stupid Idiot Section Member Is Online
Mood: ChinceMcMahon
posted on 6-28-2017 at 01:46 AM
Only Eddie Money can bring the tribes together once more.
Nice shout out by Big E during the interaction with the Usos to last night's schmozz with the Balls and to Booker's greatest moment as a
wrestler. Wonder if Vince and his catamite were clever enough to pick up on what E did.
Lana's seizure inducing theme music? NOOOOOOOOO!
You know, everyone says it's not supposed to make sense, like that's the whole point, dude. And I'm just saying, you know,
that's like an excuse for lazy storytelling. Just don't sell me shite and tell me it's gold, all right? I might be stoned, but
I'm not high. You know what I mean?
- Cassidy from Preacher, commenting on The Big Lebowski and/or professional wrestling
janerd75
The Great One
Posts 3879
Registered 1-28-2013 Member Is Offline
Mood: Juan Trick Pony
posted on 6-28-2017 at 01:49 AM
quote:Originally posted by Count Zero
Man, and I thought -I- was a big fangirl for The Rick.
That Uso promo was some Day One Is H.
And Fashion Vice??? YES PLEASE YES YES ALWAYS. I'm so for the legendary Miami '80s, with the speedboats, pastel-clad coke dealers,
hookers wearing their workout gear on the streets... Man. I have said far too damn much.
Who ain't totes for The Rick, amirite?!?
Was that a picture of Xavier with the words MODEL CITIZEN on that photo?
You should come down here for a stretch. I'll take you to Miami for some Fun n' Sun action and you can return to your simple existence of
talkin' 'boot hockey, Tim's n' Maple syrup, and being careful to not address the wrong lunatic by the incorrect gender pronoun
lest you end up in jail, and you can tell the locals at the pub aboat your trip to El Somalia.
Oh look, it's Lana! Best get in position....
Oh, she lost.
"Well, life's a bitch n' then you marry one. Alls you know now is you're goin' into the bar tonight to get just fuckin'
interplanetary." - Wayne (Letterkenny)
"This is the water and this is the well. Drink full and descend. The horse is the white of the eyes, dark within." The Woodsman
Count Zero
The Rowdy One
Posts 2204
Registered 1-29-2013 Location Canada East Member Is Offline
Mood: Weeneedoo
posted on 6-28-2017 at 01:54 AM
That's a very kind offer, the Somalian Panhandle Tour Guide one I mean, but... Isn't something like that how Matte ended up chained in
somebody's basement?
And did.. Did they just jobbersquash Lana? I don't even...
"It's a WWE tradition, to do something un-right." --Paddlefoot
lz4005
Man of a Thousand Holds
Posts 1508
Registered 11-12-2003 Member Is Offline
Mood: Oolitic
posted on 6-28-2017 at 02:09 AM
Fuck my balls, a Pajama Prison Match.
Count Zero
The Rowdy One
Posts 2204
Registered 1-29-2013 Location Canada East Member Is Offline
Mood: Weeneedoo
posted on 6-28-2017 at 02:16 AM
I think the best part about the Pajama Prison Match announcement (and probably better than the match itself) was Jinder saying the Graaahhhhhhh Khali
was his hero (or wtf he said. I'm stoned; I dun remember exact quotes right now).
Jinder is selling this India thing like a mother-raja.
[Edited on 6-28-2017 by Count Zero]
"It's a WWE tradition, to do something un-right." --Paddlefoot
lz4005
Man of a Thousand Holds
Posts 1508
Registered 11-12-2003 Member Is Offline
Mood: Oolitic
posted on 6-28-2017 at 02:33 AM
quote:Originally posted by Count Zero
I think the best part about the Pajama Prison Match announcement (and probably better than the match itself) was Jinder saying the Graaahhhhhhh Khali
was his hero (or wtf he said. I'm stoned; I dun remember exact quotes right now).
Jinder is selling this India thing like a mother-raja.
[Edited on 6-28-2017 by Count Zero]
Jinder worked for Kal Kal's promotion in India.
janerd75
The Great One
Posts 3879
Registered 1-28-2013 Member Is Offline
Mood: Juan Trick Pony
posted on 6-28-2017 at 02:41 AM
Totally loving all of these 'Dark Tower' ads during my wrasslin' programming!
ETA: Same result, but still light years ahead of the RAM ladies. Well done, SDames!
[Edited on 6-28-2017 by janerd75]
"Well, life's a bitch n' then you marry one. Alls you know now is you're goin' into the bar tonight to get just fuckin'
interplanetary." - Wayne (Letterkenny)
"This is the water and this is the well. Drink full and descend. The horse is the white of the eyes, dark within." The Woodsman
nOOb
The Man
Posts 6896
Registered 5-24-2004 Member Is Offline
Mood: Hot Dog!
posted on 6-28-2017 at 03:04 AM
Didnt Jinder debut as Khali's protege who was also marrying his sister but was threatening to leave her if he didn't start winning more
while also doing stuff with Khali's manager who was also Khali's secret brother on the side or something? I stopped watching during that
period of time so I may be misremembering details.
"The Seahawks are cool. Me and Tubby here hung out with them once at a Bruno Mars concert."-Jay and Silent Bob representing the Broncos on FOX NFL
Sunday.
Paddlefoot
Rocco Rock of Jabroni
Posts 7446
Registered 1-19-2008 Location Stupid Idiot Section Member Is Online
Mood: ChinceMcMahon
posted on 6-28-2017 at 03:26 AM
I think Jinder first showed up and goaded Khali into his final heel run by calling him a disgrace to India. Prior to that Khali was doing some kind
of a goof act as an amiable giant. Can't remember exactly but one or more of Daivari /Tamina /Santino (?) were involved somehow too.
The MITB was OK for free tv. It had the feeling though that the women won't take the really severe bumps the way the men will. Or that out if
fear of bad PR from a bad injury they won't let them go for broke. The best thing to come out of it will probably be Becky getting her hands on
Ellsworth with the other girls stuck in a rotation until Carm cashes in the contract.
You know, everyone says it's not supposed to make sense, like that's the whole point, dude. And I'm just saying, you know,
that's like an excuse for lazy storytelling. Just don't sell me shite and tell me it's gold, all right? I might be stoned, but
I'm not high. You know what I mean?
- Cassidy from Preacher, commenting on The Big Lebowski and/or professional wrestling
DKBroiler
SpeciASSl CUMedian
Posts 1566
Registered 1-25-2008 Location One Inch Right of Philly on a Map Member Is Offline
Mood: Old
posted on 6-28-2017 at 03:51 AM
I get to watch a Pajama Prison Match live in a few weeks at Battleground!
My ironic fandom levels may reach full photon level. I cannot wait for this clusterfuck.
Also ... congrats slutty New Jersey dream woman. I will gladly buy you Jeager Bombs and Marlboro Menthols in celebration.
Braun Strowman guy.
Paddlefoot
Rocco Rock of Jabroni
Posts 7446
Registered 1-19-2008 Location Stupid Idiot Section Member Is Online
Mood: ChinceMcMahon
posted on 6-28-2017 at 04:06 AM
Carmella's been as good a call up from NXT as Alexa has. She's just as good at chickenshit heelery and almost as good on promos.
You know, everyone says it's not supposed to make sense, like that's the whole point, dude. And I'm just saying, you know,
that's like an excuse for lazy storytelling. Just don't sell me shite and tell me it's gold, all right? I might be stoned, but
I'm not high. You know what I mean?
- Cassidy from Preacher, commenting on The Big Lebowski and/or professional wrestling
lz4005
Man of a Thousand Holds
Posts 1508
Registered 11-12-2003 Member Is Offline
Mood: Oolitic
posted on 6-28-2017 at 04:19 AM
quote:Originally posted by DKBroiler
I get to watch a Pajama Prison Match live in a few weeks at Battleground!
Please wear pajamas to the show.
DKBroiler
SpeciASSl CUMedian
Posts 1566
Registered 1-25-2008 Location One Inch Right of Philly on a Map Member Is Offline
Mood: Old
posted on 6-28-2017 at 04:26 AM
quote:Originally posted by lz4005
quote:Originally posted by DKBroiler
I get to watch a Pajama Prison Match live in a few weeks at Battleground!
Please wear pajamas to the show.
Haha ... sorry. It's my older brother's first WWE event. I'm gonna try and NOT make him regret agreeing to go (more than already).
Braun Strowman guy.
Nobledictator1278
Fella
Posts 385
Registered 4-9-2013 Member Is Offline
Mood:
posted on 6-28-2017 at 01:12 PM
quote:Originally posted by DKBroiler
quote:Originally posted by lz4005
quote:Originally posted by DKBroiler
I get to watch a Pajama Prison Match live in a few weeks at Battleground!
Please wear pajamas to the show.
Haha ... sorry. It's my older brother's first WWE event. I'm gonna try and NOT make him regret agreeing to go (more than already).
Alcohol...alcohol makes everything better
punkerhardcore
American Dream
Posts 7937
Registered 7-16-2005 Member Is Offline
Mood: Lickable
posted on 6-28-2017 at 04:59 PM
quote:Originally posted by janerd75
Was that a picture of Xavier with the words MODEL CITIZEN on that photo?
I thought it was Rick Martel...
Like Pad said, the women last night were noticeably handcuffed (yeah, yeah), which was sorta annoying/distracting. I'm not one of those "I
DEMAND CARNAGE" types, but I feel like if the company is going to book them into a ladder match, then they should trust that the ladies can go out
there and engage in the same pandemonium that the men do. Like how it was always stupid that when the women had a battle royal, they simply had to be
tossed out of the ring, rather than going over the top rope. Let them go at full speed... they aren't made of glass.
Is everyone mad here?
Of course they are, and you are too... otherwise, you wouldn't have come here.
lz4005
Man of a Thousand Holds
Posts 1508
Registered 11-12-2003 Member Is Offline
Mood: Oolitic
posted on 6-28-2017 at 06:02 PM
quote:Originally posted by DKBroiler
Haha ... sorry. It's my older brother's first WWE event. I'm gonna try and NOT make him regret agreeing to go (more than already).
Tell him it's a thing everyone does. He won't know any better. He can wear them too.
Straight up 1950's dad style striped ones with a button up shirt and a collar.
G. Jonah Jameson
Man of a Thousand Holds
Posts 1148
Registered 12-28-2010 Member Is Offline
Mood:
posted on 6-28-2017 at 06:50 PM
quote:Originally posted by punkerhardcore
Like how it was always stupid that when the women had a battle royal, they simply had to be tossed out of the ring, rather than going over the top
rope. Let them go at full speed... they aren't made of glass.
I always thought that rule change was about height, not physical frailty.