Dominator
And I am AWESOME 
Posts 150
Registered 7-5-2007 Location Florida Member Is Offline Mood: Cheeky
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| posted on 9-24-2011 at 10:58 PM |
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The New MMA: Muppet Mania is Awesome
In honor of today being what would've been Jim Henson's 75th birthday I thought I'd post some ideas for the upcoming guest host gig
the Muppets will have on RAW. Who knows, maybe people who don't read message boards might pilfer some, right?
First of all, the WWE Writer Monkeys need to leave the majority of the writing to the people in charge of the Muppets. Perhaps some suggestions on
whom to best interact with the characters and some quality control in terms of continuity and logic and storylines (I know that's asking
a lot of the Monkeys), but other than that, let the Muppets do their thing.
Second, there are so many possibilities and potential for brilliant entertainment, that there's no reason not to make this a 3-hour super show.
Now onto the fun:
* OK, we must begin with the ultimate Muppet superstar, in part because if I don't, I might get karate chopped. Miss Piggy has been the
Ultimate Diva since before any of the current WWE Divas were even born. And she simply has to karate chop somebody for making perceived
overtures towards her Kermie. The obvious choice here would be Vickie Guerrero, getting all cougar-y, perhaps when Intrepid Muppet News Reporter
Kermit The Frog interviews Dolph Ziggler. HIIIIIIIII-YAAAAAA! Dolph might even hit a line about how Miss Piggy's got a better right hand than
Hugh Jackman.
* Another possibility for Miss Piggy would be for Stephanie McMahon to make her an Honorary WWE Diva. Miss Piggy could take it as a dream come true,
or better yet, bristle at the word "honorary" by pointing out, as I just did, that "Moi has been a diva since before you and many of the other
so-called divas were even born!" and demand that she be referred to as the Ultimate WWE Diva. Steph could initially refuse, but relent when Miss
Piggy throws a complete tantrum and starts karate chopping everything in sight.
* Speaking of the Divas, it'd be real easy and funny to have Animal chasing a bunch of them around the backstage area as a running gag
throughout the show. Perhaps even changing from one Diva to another as he passes them in the halls, liking each new one more than he did the previous
one. He could make faces at the camera and hit a couple one-liners... or in his case one-worders, like "Mmmmm... Twins" for the Bellas or
"Kelly-Kelly-Kelly-Kelly-Kelly" or "Glamazon" or even some general ones like "Puppies" or "Hot Pants" or "Cleavage."
* If it develops where one of the Divas has gotten easily offended about being called a "ho" then you might be able to have fun with Kermit saying
"Hi-ho!" This could lead to said Diva smacking Kermit, which would lead to another karate chop from Miss Piggy defending her man... er, frog.
* The Swedish Chef has to do a cooking segment. Let me repeat this. The Swedish Chef has to do a cooking segment. You can go two ways
with this. Either get someone who speaks English as poorly as Chef or get someone who speaks it really, really well. My vote is for Sheamus. Chef
could make something very white and pasty or perhaps something with a lot of mayonnaise or milk or maybe just pull a chicken out of the oven that is
undercooked and has a tuft of red hair on top. Sheamus could feign outrage and (not so) playfully choke him and the reaction would be great. I also
think if you brought Vladimir Kozlov in for one night to team with Sheamus for this scene the hilarity could grow exponentially.
* I think Zack Ryder and Fozzie Bear are a natural pair. Both make semi-lame jokes, both have a terrible sense of style, both are underappreciated.
C'mon, you know you want to see and hear dueling waka-waka-waka and woo-woo-woo chants.
* Gonzo and Daniel Bryan might be good together. They could go back to Bryan using his Flight Of The Valkyries music to introduce Gonzo doing some
stunt that goes incredibly wrong.
* John Morrison's character should work well with Floyd Pepper and Janice (the bass player and the female guitarist from Dr. Teeth & The
Electric Mayhem) considering they're all supposed to be "groovy cats" from the Peace & Love movement, but I'm not so sure John has the
chops for it. Maybe if they just sat around sharing the deep thoughts they're pondering in a locker room with beads on the door and a lava lamp
and a hazy aura that kids wouldn't know is recently smoked weed. That might work.
* Rowlf The Dog, one of my personal faves, could write an "impromptu" song with Awesome Truth about conspiracies. I'm thinking old-fashioned
blues, like "I Got The Confounding, Controversial Conspiracy Blues." You could gradually bring back some members of The
Electric Mayhem band during the process and have a real jam session. Seeing Miz get super-into the music and dance around the piano could be gold.
This would also give Ron Simmons the opportunity to walk in and give his obligatory "Damn" commentary upon seeing the spectacle.
* The encounter with Rowlf could be preceded by Miz and R-Truth having trouble getting in the arena because Pops didn't know who they were and
wouldn't let them in. (Pops was the doorman who never knew who the guest stars on The Muppet Show were.)
* I hesitate giving Johnny Ace anything of substance, but I think some interactions with Sam The Eagle might be right up his alley. If both are
looking to provide "good, wholesome entertainment" by turning off microphones and what not, who better than the self-appointed censor of the Muppets
to try and help Ace put a stop to the shenanigans in the WWE?
* If Ace isn't up to it, the next logical choice for Sam The Eagle would be William Regal. They could discuss various distasteful forms of
besmirchment to the point where I might fall off the couch laughing. Another alternative might be Christian, whose thoughts about not getting ONE
MORE MATCH Sam could echo as a horrible, horrible thing.
* Gorgon Heap, the Muppet who eats other Muppets, should swallow somebody whole. Oh, wait, I've got the PERFECT guy. Michael Cole!!!! Oh,
that would be awesome. And the next show's exchange with Jerry Lawler could be priceless!
JL: "Didn't that monster eat you last week?"
MC: "Yes, don't remind me."
JL: "Well, then how the hell are you back here this week?"
MC: "It's not something I want to talk about."
JL: "Yeah, I bet you don't! Must've been a brown eye-opening experience for you."
MC: "Oh, that's REEEEAL funny. Real mature, Lawler."
Booker T (*chuckling*): "King, tell me you did not just say that, dawg!!?!"
* Pigs In Space might be funny if they beamed in someone like Khali or Big Show and they thought it was the most hideous alien ever and was going to
destroy them... and then the guy got offended at the comment and proceeded to do just that.
* We obviously need to have a Muppet News Flash that is interrupted by a backstage brawl that results in the entire set crashing down on the
anchor.
* OK, time for some major players. CM Punk, the cynical bastard that he is, should spend the entire evening in the box with Statler and Waldorf, and
the three of them could badmouth everything they see for the entire show. High-freakin'-sterical.
* I think Rock (who should be back by then, right?) could have fun with Scooter. The go-fer of the Muppets could be Rock's go-fer for the night
by being Rock's biggest fan who wants to do various things to impress him. He would screw things up more often than not, despite trying his
damnedest, and could be someone Rock could easily intimidate for a while. Skeeter could then encourage Scooter to stand up to Rock's abuse
which could lead to a touching moment or an outrageously rude moment, depending on if Rock is being heelish or not.
* Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker should cook up something to help COO Triple H be able to better dissect the various machinations that are afoot and
threaten to undermine his office. This will require them bringing the mobile lab to HHH's office to explain how they came up with the
concoction, and will, of course, necessitate the office getting somehow set on fire and/or exploding. A charred and infuriated HHH with a ruined suit
would be a hysterical comedic shot. Perhaps it might even be done after a night of things going horribly wrong for HHH and this just would be the
Diarrhea Icing on the proverbial Turd Cake.
* Some things that could lead to HHH's aforementioned frustration would be Lew Zealand constantly trying to break into WWE with his boomerang
fish act and other fish-related performances, Gonzo failing to control his chickens and letting them run amok backstage, and Scooter spilling coffee
on him as he tries to hurriedly impress The Rock.
* I think Lew Zealand's shenanigans could be stopped if his fish-throwing accidentally struck Randy Orton. And Orton went all viper-y and
stare-downy. I don't know, just the thought of Randy Orton being hit by flying fish seems funny to me.
* I've got three wrestlers and two Muppets, but I'm torn as to whom to pair with whom. The wrestlers are Alberto Del Rio, Wade Barrett,
and Santino Marella. The Muppets are Rizzo The Rat and Pepino Rodrigo Serrano Gonzales, better known as Pepe The King Prawn. All five can be great
jokesters (I think ADR's really funny, but he's still struggling with thinking in English, translating his funny Spanish thoughts to
English in his brain and getting them out in a timely fashion... I have the same trouble trying to think in Spanish even though I can speak it
decently). I think the interactions between any combination could be gold. Alberto could dismiss both of them initially as a "sucio camaron" or a
"rata peligrosa", but then warm up to them when they make certain underhanded suggestions. Similar type deal for Wade Barrett, although I think
Rizzo might work better for him than Pepe. Santino could just engage in comedic brilliance with either one. Pepe could be more sexual innuendo and
help Santino with Tamina. Rizzo could help fire up Santino to try and impress HHH as a true WWE Superstar, perhaps by taunting Mark Henry. This
would naturally result in Santino's thunderously destructive demise and Henry could do a mock trombone salute afterwards and earn some real
solid character points. However you want to go, I think any of these combos could be entertaining.
* I know, I know, John Cena. Here's the thing... I think Cena could be so damn good on this night, he could work with anybody. He obviously
has to do something with Kermit, since they're the biggest stars of their respective brands, but I honestly believe that you could put Cena in
ANY of the above scenarios as either a replacement for one of the wrestlers or a bit character that adds to the scene and he would be absolutely
perfect. In fact, that may be his best role... interacting with everyMuppet and anyMuppet and just nailing joke after joke the entire night and
ragging on other wrestlers. For example, I can see him bumping into Animal and asking him where he's going in such a hurry and Animal points
and yells, "TWINS!!!" And Cena says, "Oh, you mean the Bella Twins... carry on." And he lets Animal go run after them. Then Beaker could run by
and a disheveled HHH slams into Cena and John asks, "Hey boss, where's the fire?" HHH could just turn around in his tattered suit and
smoke-smudged countenance and glare a death stare at him before resuming his chase of Beaker. Cena could interrupt and/or join in on Punk's
musings with Waldorf and Statler and the arena might literally explode with laughter. He could be a part of The Swedish Chef cooking segment, perhaps
translating what Chef is saying into English or easing the tension between Chef and Sheamus, or he could be walking with Ron Simmons for his "Damn"
commentary on the jam session and set Ron up with something like, "I think this can be summed in one word........ Ron?" And Ron could literally
take 20 seconds turning his head to John and back to the proceedings and still hit his line. Bottom line, if Cena does this right, and no sense to
think that he wouldn't, he might become a hit with everyone, even those who are tired of his shtick.
The key to this whole thing is for WWE to use this opportunity to not take itself too seriously. I mean, if you have a stick up your butt for the
Muppets episode, your problems run a lot deeper than Wellness Policies, declining ratings, and PPV buyrates.
And trust me, WWE... if you think bad booking decisions outrage some of us message boarders, who really care about your product, to the point where we
threaten not to watch again don't matter 'cause you know we'll always come back, just try and fuck this one up and see what happens.
OK, I think that about does it. Unless you guys think I've forgotten somebody. Time to watch my Gators whip some pussies. What?
They're playing Kentucky. Oh, you people are filthy.
[Edited on 9-25-2011 by Dominator]
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Chris Is Good517
Posts 10711
Registered 1-10-2002 Location Little Rock, AR Member Is Offline Mood: punchy
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| posted on 9-25-2011 at 12:43 AM |
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quote:
Originally posted by Dominator
* OK, time for some major players. CM Punk, the cynical bastard that he is, should spend the entire evening in the box with Statler and Waldorf, and
the three of them could badmouth everything they see for the entire show. High-freakin'-sterical.
Automatic 5.0
Gee, I wish I was still alive- LuckyLopez R.I.P.
Bachmann: "I haven't had a gaffe... when it comes to the best Republican who take
on Barack Obama and not have any clunker in my record to be able to take him on, it's me."
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joerizal
Showstopper 
Posts 711
Registered 2-7-2005 Member Is Offline Mood: carnivorey
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| posted on 9-25-2011 at 07:30 AM |
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Brilliant product idea: CM Punk muppet.
The Muppets aren't as big here (if at all) as they are in the US, but I've got to give props to Dominator for his dedication to booking a
2/3-hour wrestling show around puppets.
But with all your muppet-related segments, would there be any time left for, you know, wrestling?
my av is a burger.
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Dominator
And I am AWESOME
Posts 150
Registered 7-5-2007 Location Florida Member Is Offline Mood: Cheeky
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| posted on 9-25-2011 at 09:29 AM |
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You mean, as opposed to now when most free TV matches aren't as long as the ring entrances? And those that are always get interrupted by
commercial breaks? No, I really don't think it'd be difficult from that perspective, especially since some scenes could be smash-cut
together or combined. Animal could chase a Diva through the Swedish Chef's cooking segment, for example.
The real problem I foresee with something like this is that almost all of it has to be done backstage because of the Muppets. Waldorf and Statler
could be outside in the arena, but not much else (maybe Kermit's interviews with Dolph and Cena could be done at a desk on the staging area).
But would fans pay ticket prices to mostly watch the Muppets on the Titantron? Tough question, but I don't know how you'd do it
otherwise.
P.S. How about a CM Punk Muppet Ice Cream Bar? :^)
[Edited on 9-25-2011 by Dominator]
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joerizal
Showstopper
Posts 711
Registered 2-7-2005 Member Is Offline Mood: carnivorey
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| posted on 9-25-2011 at 09:44 AM |
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quote:
Originally posted by Dominator
But would fans pay ticket prices to mostly watch the Muppets on the Titantron?
Um, I think fans bought tickets to a wrestling show to watch the
wrestlers 
quote:
P.S. How about a CM Punk Muppet Ice Cream Bar? :^)
On a T-shirt!
my av is a burger.
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Flash
Man of a Thousand Holds
Posts 1016
Registered 4-22-2005 Location Brantford, Ontario Member Is Offline Mood:
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| posted on 9-25-2011 at 02:59 PM |
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I think this could be awesome, but only if they really go for it and treat it like an old Muppet show....
After the new Muppet movie comes out I could see a host of straight to DVD sequels happening, and if I were the WWE I'd be interested in being
one of those straight to DVD sequels.... Some Muppett charity wrestling gig or something. Hate to say it, but I'd buy it.
As for a Raw.
I think enough of this would have to be pre-taped that everyone would still be pretty fresh for a few in ring segments and post show stuff, so while
the main Raw block of time might be a titantron or lack of wrestling heavy, I think over the course of the night the fan's would get their
money's worth.
If the WWE wanted to sink a bit of money into things, they could also set up some ring side spots/stages where the muppets could be interactive...
I'm thinking a Muppet at the announce table, or a Muppet's only announce table, or alternatively a mini muppets stage.
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Stu
Caledonian Crippler
Posts 3002
Registered 5-17-2005 Location Glasgow, Scotland Member Is Offline Mood: Scottish
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| posted on 9-25-2011 at 08:11 PM |
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The Count should guest referee a Last Man Standing match (via titantron of course).
The TWO TIME bOOardie Award and Signed Bret Hart DVD Winner!
"Well, Jeff�s puddle throws up the Shocker, so I guess some things never change."
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Dominator
And I am AWESOME
Posts 150
Registered 7-5-2007 Location Florida Member Is Offline Mood: Cheeky
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| posted on 9-25-2011 at 08:18 PM |
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Oooo, that's good. Actually I think The Count would do better in a battleroyal:
"Five! Five wrestlers eliminated! AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!"
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theflammablemanimal
The Man
Posts 5000
Registered 9-2-2008 Member Is Offline Mood:
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| posted on 9-26-2011 at 12:16 AM |
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Come on Dominater. Obviously the superpatriotic Sam Eagle should hang out with the all American American, Jack Swagger. Or the Us champion, Dolph
Ziggler.
The first undisputed OO draft champion of the world
Get the pistons pumping and let the pigeons loose on my yambag
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Dominator
And I am AWESOME
Posts 150
Registered 7-5-2007 Location Florida Member Is Offline Mood: Cheeky
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| posted on 9-26-2011 at 12:32 AM |
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But that would necessitate Sam hanging out with Vickie and his NPR baritone doesn't mesh well with her shrieking cougar "Excuse Me!" Sam
might pay it a little lip service wondering why the U.S. Championship isn't more prestigious than the World Championship. That might be funny.
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salmonjunkie
American Dream 
Posts 8338
Registered 6-25-2002 Location Sunny Seattle, WA Member Is Offline Mood: charged
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| posted on 9-26-2011 at 12:50 AM |
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The Count is not a Muppet. He's a Sesame Street character. I know there's a little bit of crossover, and both are Jim Henson creations,
but still. Not the same.
Personally, I think he�s a [freaking homosexual].
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Stu
Caledonian Crippler
Posts 3002
Registered 5-17-2005 Location Glasgow, Scotland Member Is Offline Mood: Scottish
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| posted on 9-26-2011 at 01:09 AM |
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http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110713163323/muppet/images/8/8c/Sesame-2008credits-muppets.jpg
The TWO TIME bOOardie Award and Signed Bret Hart DVD Winner!
"Well, Jeff�s puddle throws up the Shocker, so I guess some things never change."
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Dominator
And I am AWESOME
Posts 150
Registered 7-5-2007 Location Florida Member Is Offline Mood: Cheeky
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| posted on 9-26-2011 at 01:43 AM |
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Well, this thread isn't about Muppet disputes, but ultimately the show will be about featuring the Muppets who appear in the upcoming movie and
while it doesn't look like The Count is in this one, he did appear in The Muppets Take Manhattan.
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Stu
Caledonian Crippler
Posts 3002
Registered 5-17-2005 Location Glasgow, Scotland Member Is Offline Mood: Scottish
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| posted on 9-26-2011 at 01:46 AM |
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The Count could still show up, desperate to get some airtime, and Ryder could walk on screen and say to him "I've been there, Bro."
The TWO TIME bOOardie Award and Signed Bret Hart DVD Winner!
"Well, Jeff�s puddle throws up the Shocker, so I guess some things never change."
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Dominator
And I am AWESOME
Posts 150
Registered 7-5-2007 Location Florida Member Is Offline Mood: Cheeky
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| posted on 9-26-2011 at 02:16 AM |
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Nah, The Count has to be there doing what he does best... counting.
"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen,
twenty! Twenty-man battle royal! AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!"
Of course, if The Count's lightning summoned The Undertaker somehow, that'd be extra awesome.
"One! One man back from the dead! AH-HA-HA-HA!!!!"
[Edited on 9-26-2011 by Dominator]
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Biff_Manly
Man of a Thousand Holds 
Posts 1048
Registered 6-16-2006 Member Is Offline Mood: Ridiculous
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| posted on 9-26-2011 at 09:33 AM |
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The Count could oversee a four corners match, or Texas tornado or whatever the one is where you have to touch the four turnbuckles in a row.
One Corner,
Two Corners,
Three Only Three Corners HAHAAHAA
"Walter: I can solve everything by making this gramophone have sex with time."
--SCSA's Fringe on Ice Holiday Spectacular.
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Dominator
And I am AWESOME
Posts 150
Registered 7-5-2007 Location Florida Member Is Offline Mood: Cheeky
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| posted on 9-27-2011 at 02:36 AM |
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Aren't those the cowbell matches? Wrestlers are tied wrist to wrist by a rope with a cowbell in the middle that they can beat each other with?
I know there are some Muppet cows, too. Has The Count ever counted cows to go to sleep before?
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sszanto
rOOkie
Posts 36
Registered 8-23-2011 Member Is Offline Mood: "o.o"
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| posted on 9-27-2011 at 05:09 AM |
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I haven't watched WWE in nearly ten years, but I would find a way to watch this!
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magnooos
Turd Generation Superstar
Posts 10
Registered 1-5-2006 Location Nanaimo, B.C. Member Is Offline Mood:
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| posted on 9-28-2011 at 03:12 AM |
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You forgot my personal favourite: Sweetums, the giant Muppet.
I think we can all agree the best use for Sweetums would be to have him lawn-dart Rey Mysterio into the side of a truck!
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Dynamicjt
Fella
Posts 277
Registered 9-20-2003 Location San Antonio, Texas Member Is Offline Mood:
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| posted on 9-28-2011 at 03:35 AM |
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quote:
Originally posted by Dominator
Aren't those the cowbell matches? Wrestlers are tied wrist to wrist by a rope with a cowbell in the middle that they can beat each other with?
I know there are some Muppet cows, too. Has The Count ever counted cows to go to sleep before?
They are called " Bullrope Matches".
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Dominator
And I am AWESOME
Posts 150
Registered 7-5-2007 Location Florida Member Is Offline Mood: Cheeky
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| posted on 9-30-2011 at 06:23 AM |
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quote:
Originally posted by magnooos
You forgot my personal favourite: Sweetums, the giant Muppet.
I think we can all agree the best use for Sweetums would be to have him lawn-dart Rey Mysterio into the side of a truck!
If Sweetums wants to come out to watch Gorgon Heap eat Michael Cole, that'd be just fine and dandy. Or maybe grab Cole and help shove him down
Heaps gullet. That'd be awesome!
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joerizal
Showstopper
Posts 711
Registered 2-7-2005 Member Is Offline Mood: carnivorey
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| posted on 10-2-2011 at 06:53 AM |
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Read this on 411, and stealing it for here.
Kermit, Mason Ryan and Alex Riley should perform "It Ain't Easy Being Green" (oh snap!)
my av is a burger.
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Shao Khan
Showstopper 
Posts 705
Registered 1-11-2006 Location Moab, Ut. Member Is Offline Mood: Poem-y
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| posted on 10-2-2011 at 02:53 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by Chris Is Good517
quote:
Originally posted by Dominator
* OK, time for some major players. CM Punk, the cynical bastard that he is, should spend the entire evening in the box with Statler and Waldorf, and
the three of them could badmouth everything they see for the entire show. High-freakin'-sterical.
Automatic 5.0
Quoted for truth and sheer hilarity.
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Dominator
And I am AWESOME
Posts 150
Registered 7-5-2007 Location Florida Member Is Offline Mood: Cheeky
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| posted on 10-8-2011 at 09:29 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by joerizal
Read this on 411, and stealing it for here.
Kermit, Mason Ryan and Alex Riley should perform "It Ain't Easy Being Green" (oh snap!)
And you could have 3/4 of the Divas roster doing the background vocals. (Double Snappage!)
By the way, I just saw that game show segment again with Bob Barker and Chris Jericho from a few years back. Is there any way Y2J returns as part of
a similar scene with Guy Smiley? Can Guy get in some sort of game show hilarity? For example, he'd be much better at Raw Roulette than any of
the prior hosts they've had with all his fake enthusiasm.
[Edited on 10-8-2011 by Dominator]
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JB KING
 
Posts 794
Registered 12-4-2009 Location Oxnard, CA Member Is Offline Mood: Jamming
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| posted on 10-10-2011 at 12:15 AM |
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Muppet Show and Sesame Street are two diff...but...he barely...fuck it
Two time Winner for 2010 Breakthrough Poster of the Year Award. You read that right.
XBL Gamertag: JB KING
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