OO Column: The Broad Perspective by Erin Anderson (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, Wres

THE BROAD PERSPECTIVE
The SmackDown BreakDown
February 28, 2003

by Erin Anderson
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Welcome to The Broad Perspective, the newest addition to OnlineOnslaught. I won't waste everyone's time by yapping about myself, because I don't think anyone really cares. I'm here as the new Smackdown! reviewer, and that's all you need to know. On to the show....

Vinnie Mac opened the show. What — no Rock? No Hogan? Booooooo. While an appearance by Vince was necessary to further his feud with Hogan and plant the seeds for their match at WrestleMania, his detailed description of what happened at No Way Out was not. Either tell the audience what happened, or show the video. Doing both was a colossal waste of the fans' time.

The mixed-tag match featured a lot of nice work by Noble and Funaki (anyone notice that slick sequence into Noble‘s neck breaker? Sweet). Torrie, oddly enough, looked more impressive in the ring than Nidia did. When did the Soon-to-be-Naked One learn a Russian leg-sweep? It looks like Torrie is trying to follow Trish's lead and actually learn how to wrestle. It's difficult to tell if Nidia just had a bad night, or really is that awkward in the ring. Move her to the women's division on RAW and give her a chance to show everyone what she's made of.

Stephanie McMahon, General Manager of Smackdown!, daughter of Vince McMahon, and, um... sex kitten? Must be the new haircut. That little tease, fooling everyone in her announcement about Torrie Wilson being in Playboy. I'll give all you guys a minute to drool at the thought....

Are you back with me now? Good. I have a problem with the way this segment was handled, by both Torrie and Michael Cole. Torrie finds out that she's going to be in Playboy, and is absolutely thrilled and honored at the prospect of it? That part wasn't quite so bad, but Michael Cole's "Dreams do come true" comment was the icing on the cake. I have no problem with a WWE Diva who wants to be in Playboy, but this was being played up as if it's every woman's ultimate goal in life to pose in the buff for an audience of millions. I guess it is in the WWE universe, but the segment left a bad taste in my mouth.

Eddie's match with Nunzio was nothing to really complain about, but it's hard to take an interest when Latino Heat's opponent hasn't done much — aside from beating up a fat, dancing Samoan — to gain heat from the crowd. The FBI needs to beat up on a superstar more popular than Rikishi to really get over with the crowd. Crediting them with Edge's injury could do wonders for their heel heat.

So, Limp Bizkit is going to be performing at WrestleMania this year. Great. I think WWE is on a mission to convince me not to order this pay-per-view. Here are the lyrics, as best as I could discern, from Limp Bizkit's new song:

Three… two… one… grrrrrrr!
Here we go again!
Right now! Let's go!
We lose! Control!
We rock! We roll!

Umm... well, at least it rhymes.

WWE did hit the mark on the way that they brought back Rhyno, however. I'm sure the IWC will moan about the total absence of vignettes to hype his return, but using those would have killed the very welcome surprise of making him Benoit's tag team partner for the night. Rhyno easily got the biggest pop of the show, and putting him in the ring with some of the smaller wrestlers made his high-impact style look even more impressive and deadly. The Man-Beast and the Rabid Wolverine could make a nice tag team to kill some time before Benoit gets another title shot.

Reports are saying that Nathan Jones' run-in to save the Undertaker had to be re-taped because of his missed heel kicks; apparently, WWE decided to air the original run-in. This wasn't a smart move. Perhaps they thought that it would look like Jones intentionally missed those kicks in an attempt to punk out A-train. It didn't; it simply looked like a big guy with an impressive build whiffing a bunch of heel kicks — not the best way to debut in the ring. Even if the "Hey, I can kick high, so you'd better back off!" mentality had worked, it's not consistent with the character that we've been expecting out of Jones. His build-up has been that of a man who'll beat the living shit out of anyone who gets in his way, not one who favors intimidation over action.

Taker and Jones appear to know each other. I'd like to see WWE explain how in the hell an Australian who's spent the past decade in jail could possibly have a history with the Deadman. Why am I not confident that the writers can pull this one off?

But on to the really good stuff.... Kurt Angle vs. some guy who I could probably take in a fight. Angle's antics in his "5 Minute Challenge" with Brian Kendrick were downright hilarious. The match could have been an exact replica of John Cena's debut, but Kurt instead chose to toy with Kendrick for the majority of the matchup, and made the kid look like a million bucks when he did get in some offense. Absolutely brilliant. Not only that, but what could have been a throwaway match became relevant to Angle's current feud when he beat up Kendrick to send a message to Lesnar. Kendrick was no slouch in the ring, either, and looks like he'll be a nice addition to the cruiserweight division.

I also think that Angle slapping Kendrick off of the turnbuckle should have been accompanied by him shouting, "Bee-otch!"

Cena's rap last week was gold; this week, it was platinum. He's graduated from a Vanilla Ice wannabe to an Eminem wannabe, which is something of an improvement. He looks to be Brock's next victim, once Angle is dealt with at WrestleMania. The feud is promising, as long as it doesn't conclude with a total squash (a distinct possibility).

Alors, Sylvan Grenier connais parler français... that fact alone is enough to get him over as a heel. Add the Hogan "screwjob" to his list of accomplishments, and you have instant heel heat. Americans don't like the French, and from what I understand, most Canadians don't like French-Canadians. Plus, he arches his eyebrows a lot when he talks, which can get pretty annoying after a while.

At this point, they aired the "Hogan screwjob" footage from No Way Out, which served no purpose other than to remind that Vince is ripped. Also, he has man-boobs.

Brock's match with Team Angle wasn't anything special: nothing more than a bunch of suplexes and shoulders-into-the-gut. I can't wait to see him square off against Angle, not just for the chance to finally see those two go at it, but also because I know he'll step up his game and diversify his moveset against the WWE champion. The best part of this whole segment came when Brock chose Paul Heyman as his opponent next week; no, not because I want to see Paul get squashed, but because of the look on Kurt's face when he found out it wasn't him. Perfect.

That being said, the Brock/Heyman matchup is a bad idea. Any beatings that Brock lays down on his former agent should take place at WrestleMania (they no doubt will, and next week's match either won't happen, or will end after interference from various members of Team Angle). Just like Triple H's pedigree to Stephanie last year, any F-5ing of Heyman will have to wait for the pay-per-view.

This week's show was pretty weak for a Smackdown! offering. The presence of Edge was sorely missed, and the lack of the Rock or Hogan made the show feel a bit less important than it really is. Kurt Angle gets a gold star for his work, Rhyno made an impact, and the rest was pretty yawn-worthy. Until next week....

E-MAIL ERIN

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises

RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It

PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!

RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot

RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning

RAW RECAP: Say My Name

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again

RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?

PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!

RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes

RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over

RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening

RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000

PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown

RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch

SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day

RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits

RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB

SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo

RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012

RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts

SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome

RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?

RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power

RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge

PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella

RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto

RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?

RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve

PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs

RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted

RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!

RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang

RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28