I'm lucky enough to have my favorite team, the Reds, on local TV for about 140 games per year (FoxSports Ohio only skips the afternoon weekday games), so it doesn't really help me in that regard. But it DOES help me in being able to follow pretty much every Yankee game at the same time I'm watching the Reds on TV, with full pitchFX and instant video highlights, which rules. Plus, I can jump around to other gmaes to check my fantasy players. And when there's no Reds game, I can listen to radio broadcasts of any game I want (or I can synch up the Reds radio broadcast with the TV, which you can't do with over-the-air radio, because I hate Thom Brennamen so very, very much). And best of all: the 10 minute "condensed games" that are available for me to browse every night before bed. Suck it, ESPN's woefully inadequte highlights packages!
 
Anyway, thus concludes my unpaid endorsement of At Bat 2012. There are a lot of bad habits and behaviors that one can fall into when one becomes a TechnoDouche, but At Bat doesn't encourage any of them. It has merely allowed me to become the fully actualized baseball fan I always knew I could be. Huzzah!
 
And now, here's what happened at the just-completed Extreme Rules 2012 pay-per-view:

• Opening Montage/Pyro/Etc., and we're live in Chicago, IL. Your announcers are the usual suspects (Booker, King, Cole), and we're wasting no time tonight. Direckitally to the ring:
   
  
• Randy Orton beats Kane in a Falls Count Anywhere Match. Kane enters first, and then has to vamp for a while as they replay a 2 minute video package recapping how this is the epic rubber match in the greatest feud ever. Or maybe it just featured crap like Paul Bearer being stuffed in a fridge, and did nothing to enhance my interest in this match. Then Orton entered, and we're off.
  
  Match spills outside less than a minute in, and Kane tries to introduce the dreaded lead pipe, used by both guys over the past few weeks. But Orton kicks Kane in the gut, and HE takes control of the pipe, instead. A few shots, and Orton's firmly in control. Kane tries to escape, and the fight spills out into the crowd, where Orton continues the attack, and even goes for several near falls among the fans.
  
  But Kane keeps trying to run away from Orton, and eventually gets enough distance so that, when Orton charges, Kane has enough time to chopblock Orton. From here on out, it's back and forthy as they brawl out of the crowd and out to the entrance set. There, they run though a couple of near falls after B-level moves (dropkick from Orton, big boot from Kane), and then take the brawl backstage (which has the immediate effect of silencing the live crowd, which had just started to really get into the match).
  
  Announcers also go silent for the backstage brawl, trying (futilely) to add gravitas to the situation... the intrigue (and the announcing) steps up when Kane and Orton brawl into a room where all the boys are watching the PPV on a monitor. All of a sudden, Zack Ryder remembered how much he hates Kane, and attacked, causing everyone to perk up. Orton scored a near fall off the interference, but almost immediately, Kane dodged another attack and sent Orton into the Clangy Poles. More back and forthy, this time with the brawl spilling back out into the arena.
  
  Dueling punches leads to the crowd starting to "YES!" Orton's offense. Orton decides he can do better than punch Kane, so he grabs a steel chair and goes to town. Orton starts re-arranging the furniture so he can deliver an RKO on the announce table, Kane fights back, however, so Orton changes plans, and instead delivers his Hangman DDT off the table. Only a 2 count. Orton goes for an RKO on the floor, but Kane shoves him off, and Randy's head hits the steel ringpost (causing absolutely no brain damage to the noted Mantard). Only a 2 count.
  
  Both men back to the ring. Trade more blows. Both men end up on the top rope, and Orton goes for a superplex. Unlike WrestleMania, he hits it this time. Only a 2 count. Kane counters an RKO into a chokeslam. Only a 2 count. Kane does the Undertaker throat slit, and tries to Tombstone Orton onto the steel chair, but Orton worms out the back door, and nails Kane with an RKO out of nowhere onto the chair. Fin.
  
  A good 15-16 minutes, and just about the most entertaining I could ever imagine these two being. You don't expect fireworks from two guys who are always the carried (and never the carrier) in good matches, but this clicked well. A few convincing near falls and a crowd that really got into things by the end go a long way.
  
  
• Backstage: Johnny Ace and Eve are chatting about nothing worth reporting on. The upshot(s) of this skit are: (1) Johnny and Eve mocking Teddy Long, and then (2) Johnny getting a phone call from Triple H, and having to excuse himself when it seems HHH isn't making a social call.
  
  
• Brodus Clay beats Dolph Ziggler in a Suspiciously Non-Extreme Rules Regular Match. Brodus makes his big entrance, accompanied by Hornswoggle. [Of note, the Funkadactyls have augmented the Ass Voltron by wearing new pants featuring Siderump Window technology.] Dolph made his standard entrance accompanied by Vickie and Jack Swagger.
  
  Early on, huge cheers for Dolph and "Let's Go, Ziggler" chants. That cools off for a bit after Swagger (who is not popular with the fans) helps Ziggler gain the advantage for the standard mid-match heel beatdown. Crowd rewarms to Dolph during this beatdown, and mostly boos Brodus' attempts at comebacks.
  
  Brodus' rally begins in earnest when Dolph foolishly tries to suplex the big man. Brodus is having none of that happy crappy, suplexes Dolph, knocks Swagger's block off when he tries to interfere, and then turns around to deliver the headbutt to a charging Ziggler (which looked like a million bucks). Big splash, and it's over. Only 4-5 minutes, and totally inoffensive. Unless you're the brand of wanker who takes it personally whenever workrate darlings lose matches.
  
  
• Earlier Tonight: Teddy Long spun a wheel on the youtube pre-show, and it came up "Tables Match" for tonight's IC match. Cody was pissed at Teddy, saying whatever happens tonight is "[his] fault."
  
  
• Cody Rhodes beats Big Show in a Tables Match to win the InterContinental TItle. Big Show off to a hot start, tossing Cody all over the place, laying in  with the "SHHHHH!" Chops, and then setting up the first table roughly 90 seconds into the match. Cody escapes the table, but keeps getting his ass kicked. When the match spills back into the ring, Show gets a 2nd table and sets it up in a corner. Show tries to whip Cody into the table, but Cody has a sweet counter: leaping up onto the table and bouncing back with a Disaster Kick. But it's merely a blip on the radar, as Show regains control and starts chasing Rhodes all around the ring, delivering more punishment.
  
  Then Cody got back into the ring, and Show followed, a step or two behind... and as Show began stepping into the ring, Cody hit a weak dropkick, and one of Show's feet slipped off the apron... and drove through a table placed at ringside. The look on Show's face was priceless as he remained firmly planted on the apron with one foot (and both hands holding onto the top rope), but with his other foot through a table. Ref came over to see what was wrong, saw the broken table, and called for the bell. Cody wins. Cheaply.
  
  Only 5-6 minutes, and with a less-than-climactic finish, but it was oddly entertaining and unexpected. After the match, Show added to the amusement factor by kicking the shit out of Rhodes, putting Cody through 3 tables, to show us what a PROPER finish to a tables match should look like. Cody had some fans when he eventually got to walk out with the title, but the vast majority of fans were the ones who chanted "one more time" and caused him to get put through a couple extra tables.
  
  
• Backstage: Daniel Bryan lists the many ways he's better than Sheamus, including (1) getting more chicks and (2) having a manlier beard. Then he insults Chicago (it doesn't seem to work) and answers his own query ("Will I beat Sheamus?") with a series of 27 YESses. As he begins walking towards the ring, the camera lingers and spots AJ lurking off to the side of the interview area. Hmmm. OO once again wonders, "Adorable, or Accomplice?"
  
  
• Sheamus beats Daniel Bryan, 2 falls to 1, to retain the World Heavyweight Title. During ring intros, Lilian Garcia very specifically states that only pinfalls and submissions will count. News to me, but certainly a welcome change (if nothing else, it eliminates the dreaded "one of the falls is by DQ, so the title can't change hands" Dusty Finish. The crowd is either 80/20 in favor of Bryan, or it's closer to an even split with the Bryan fans being FAR more vocal than Sheamus'. Sheamus' new bright red "18 seconds" shirt probably didn't do a whole lot to endear him to the workrate wankers, either.
  
  Attempted feeling-out process is short on chain wrestling, as Sheamus keeps using his power to put an end to the exchanges. As such, Bryan is very much on the defensive for the opening 2-3 minutes. But hey: at least we're past the 18 second mark. One of the exchanges leads to Sheamus locking in a Texas Cloverleaf, showing that he's expanded his repertoire for use in a match where he needs to beat Bryan twice, instead of just once.
  
  Bryan finally gets some offense going when Sheamus tries to go up top, but Bryan kicks the rope and Sheamus crotches himself. Bryan starts working on the arm and shoulder, as the crowd amuses itself with "Dan Yil Bry Yan"/"18 Seconds" dueling chants. Anytime the two have back and forthy moments, it goes without saying that a game of "YES!"/"NO!" breaks out with fans. During this beatdown, Bryan also busts out his classic "I've got till 5" line on the ref (first time for that in WWE, no?).
  
  Big spot when Bryan sets Sheamus up for a top rope rana, but Sheamus shoves him off and nails a kickass top rope shoulder block. First convincing near fall of the match. Bryan counters by counting a Celtic Cross into a small package for his own convincing near fall. Some grappling and reversals, and Sheamus wound up going shoulder-first into the steel post when Bryan dodged (this was made to look even more vicious because of a fluke where his sweatbands got caught on the turnbuckle and made his tumble out of the ring look even more awkward and painful).
  
  Bryan followed that up by just going to town, kicking at Sheamus' arm and shoulder while he was in the corner. The whole while, the ref was applying a 5 count, which Bryan decided to ignore, presumably because he (like me) pays close attention to everything Lilian does. But what do you know? Despite the previous announcement about only pinfalls or submissions counting, the ref calls for the disqualification.
   
  Oy. First fall to Sheamus by DQ. Will Johnny Ace be appearing to point that out, or must we ponder the possibility that Lilian just flubbed a line? [If so, I forgive her. I always do.]
  
  Bryan doesn't seem too upset, however. He just waits until the prescribed rest period, and starts kicking Sheamus in the shoulder again, then locks on the YES! Lock. Sheamus fights the good fight, but eventually passes out in the hold, so the ref calls for the bell. Second fall to Bryan, via submission.
  
  Bryan leads the vocal crowd in YES! chants while the ref and doctors check on Sheamus and determine that he will be allowed to continue. When the ref calls for the restart, Bryan charges and IMMEDIATELY eats a Brogue Kick. But Sheamus is so spent that it takes him 15 seconds to make the cover, at which point Bryan is able to kick out. YES!
  
  Both men down, so the ref starts a 10 count. Both men up, and Bryan chops Sheamus down with more stiff kicks to the shoulder. Bryan goes up top, but Sheamus catches him. The two struggle, and Bryan shoves Sheamus off, and tries to land a top rope knee drop. But Sheamus move, and starts a rally. Irish Curse Backbreaker gets a two, but he follows that up with a Brogue Kick, and just like that, he wins the third fall.
  
  Sheamus retains in a match that was a VERY well done 25 minute affair. Old school, in the good way. However, the DQ is even more confounding, since Sheamus won the match (if he'd lost, then the reason for doing it is letting Bryan win the match without winning the title). The only thing I can figure is that Lilian was right about no DQs, and Bryan will use this to get another rematch from Crooked Johnny. Or: to get a continuation of THIS match, since it should only be tied 1-to-1.
  
  
• Ryback beats Two Jobbers in a Handicap Match. I don't recap squashes. I will, however, mention that Chicago's match-long chant of "Goldberg" made me chuckle. You know what Ryback needs to do if all he's gonna do is kill jobbers? Bring back the old Bundy Five Count. I remember thinking that was a huge scary monster move back when I was in 4th grade.
  
  
• Backstage: Punk cuts a zero-value-add promo, badmouthing Jericho's weak attempts at psychological warfare and pandering to the hometown crowd. It's not just a Street Fight, you see, it's a CHICAGO-STYLE street fight. So.... deep dish?
  
  
• CM Punk beats Chris Jericho in a Street Fight to retain the WWE Title. Hey, good for Jericho: he's studied his Shawn Michaels, and knows that you do NOT wear man-panties to a Street Fight. You wear jeans. Guys have gotten away from that in the years since HBK and Edge were doing Street Fights. And here's Punk, also with the jeans. Way to Carpe Denim, boys!
  
  No sign of Punk's dad at ringside, but we are introduced to Celine, Punk's sister, who doesn't look like a meth addict, unless one of meth's side effects is rendering you a delightfully lovely young lady.
  
  It takes roughly 20 seconds before chairs and kendo sticks are introduced, and only slightly longer before Punk's laying in with the latter. However, Jericho's able to use the ref as a prop (using him as a shield, kind of), and lands a low blow as a result. Heel beatdown: on. Interestingly: the crowd is not NEARLY as rabidly one-sided as they were last year at MitB... there's even a (very) mild "Lionheart" chant as Jericho goes on the offensive. Huh. Punk may be the hometown boy, but us Discriminating Fans of Pro Wrestling are loathe to boo somebody as skilled at his craft as Y2J....
  
  Jericho even takes the fight outside the ring, and starts decimating Punk right in front of Celine... he even starts badmouthing her, and she has no choice but to slap him square in the face. YAY! Jericho then tries to jump into the crowd to attack li'l sis, but Punk's here for the save, and goes absolutely apeshit on Jericho. IT's a good minute or so of beastmode, until Punk tries for a piledriver on the cement floor, and Jericho sunset flips out of it, and smashes Punk in the face with one of the TV monitors from the announce table. Back in the ring for a near fall, and Jericho settles in with a chinlock, which Punk counters with a side suplex, and now both men are down.
  
  Punk is first up and tries to jumpstart things with a slingshot move, but he ends up eating a kendo stick as he flies into the ring. More offense for Jericho, and a few near falls, but none especially close calls. So Jericho decides to change tactics, and busts out a six pack of brewski, pouring the cans of beer over Punk's body. But on the 3rd or 4th beer, Jericho has officially wasted too much time dicking around with silliness, and Punk is waiting for him. With the kendo stick.
  
  Big rally for Punk. Kendo stick offense, high knee/bulldog combo, and there's the first GTS attempt. Countered by Jericho, but Punk turns it into a nice short powerslam for a close near fall. Punk up top for the Macho Man Elbow, but Jericho knocks a leg out, and Punk is crotched on the turnbuckle. Jericho up top with him to trade blows. Punk gets the better of it, Jericho goes flying off, and Punk nails the Elbow. Crowd's super hot for the convincing near fall, and even has a little bit of love for Randy Savage after the kick out and lull that followed.
  
  Punk tries to follow up with a GTS, but Jericho counters, and sends Punk flying into a chair (which had been propped in a corner way back in the opening 2 minutes of the match, and I'd forgotten about till now). Both men down. BOth men struggled to their feet. CODEBREAKER OUT OF NOWHERE! But Jericho smirks instead of covering, and goes for the Walls of Jericho. WIth a struggle, Punk is able to get to the ropes, but this is a Street Fight, so No DQ. No rope break. Punk's fading fast, but reaches out under the ring apron, and hits paydirt: he finds a fire extinguisher, and is able to shoot it off into Jericho's face to get a break on the hold. Then Punk uses the extinguisher as a weapon to bludgeon Jericho.
  
  Brawl now spills outside, and Jericho ends up sprawled on the Spanish Announce Table. Punk's first move is to get up on the table (a GTS through the table), but then he pauses, and gives the crowd a look. Then he looks up to the top turnbuckle. Then he looks back to the crowd. The crowd smells what he's cooking, and gives him their approval.... so Punk climbs up to the top rope and (after a momentary slip) delivers an Atomic Macho Man Elbow from the top rope through the announce table to the floor. Holy shit, indeed.
  
  Crowd's now far more vested in the match than they had been previously, and is decidedly pro-Punk. Punk moves the match back into the ring, where he cinches in the Anaconda Vice... but Jericho is able to get his hands on the nearby kendo stick, and bases Punk in the head with it to break the hold. BOO! A quick grapple and a few reversals, and Jericho hits the Codebreaker again. This time, he'll take the cover. But he only gets 2. More dickish smirking from Jericho, as he decides to go for the GTS on Punk. But Punk slides out and tries to counter with a Walls of Jericho, but Jericho puts up a fight, so Punk settles for slingshotting Jericho into the turnbuckle. Jericho stumbles back and eats a GTS. Done and done. Punk wins.
  
  Another one in the 25 minute range, and I really, really liked it. It seemed like it didn't connect with the crowd till late, which was odd, and I admit it might have taken something away from the atmosphere... that's probably not fair to expect the fans to be a value-add to the extent that they were for the ePunk/Cena match last year, but I have to admit I had a certain idea in my head that this would be off the charts in terms of electricity. And instead, it seemed like "just another match" in front of a generally responsive crowd (rather than a SPECIFICALLY responsive crowd for the hometown boy). Still, an excellent contest, and I give this one the slight edge over Sheamus/Bryan for Match of the Night.
  
  
• Backstage: the planned Bella/Beth match is scrapped because Beth isn't medically cleared to wrestle. The Bellas think that means they can go home, and take the night off... but Eve stops them, and says Nikki will have to defend, since the fans are expecting a title match. The Bellas act scared, but Eve says, "Don't worry, it's not Kharma." So now the Bellas look happy.
  
  
• Layla beats the Bella Twins to win the Women's Title. The Bellas enter and promise that the women's title is staying with them for a VERY long time. Which is funny if you know their contract situation, but otherwise is decent heel patter. Since they know they are Kharma-less, they mock the Mystery Opponent... who is revealed to be Layla, missing for a year due to knee surgery. She's looking really good, and gets a really nice "Welcome Back" chant from the crowd.
  
  Match is very short, and doesn't have anything resembling flow or story. Random back and forth, then the Bellas try to use Twin Magic to steal a win... but even though Brie is the fresh Bella (after sneaking into the ring to replace Nikki), she immediately eats a neckbreaker, and is pinned by Layla. New champ. Three minutes, tops.
  
  So I guess this means they intend for Kharma to be brought back as a heel and it'll be Beth who'll be treated as the babyface in their inevitable feud? Otherwise, why not just have Kharma come back and beat the Bellas?
  
  
• Earlier Tonight: on the youtube pre-show, Santino beat Miz to retain the US Title. I'm sure you were dying to know. When I checked in, there were only 42,000 people viewing the pre-show. Which is 4 times as many as watch "Superstars." But still less than half of Zack Ryder's weekly audience. Way to win the hearts and minds, WWE.
  
  
• John Cena beats Brock Lesnar in a No Holds Barred Match. Brock's out first, to a surprising number of boos. I thought the "smark" crowd would still give him the nod over Superman Cena. But I guess not. We could be heading for a problem where -- instead of "Let's Go Cena"/"Cena Sucks" -- the warring chants are "Cena Sucks"/"So Does Lesnar". Cena out to MONSTER boos. There really may not be a fan favorite in this one. FWIW: Lesnar is wearing MMA trunks with wrestling boots, which is a nice update of his previous WWE gear. So why the hell doesn't he have updated music, yet? His old theme song is 10 years old, and it shows.
  
  Bell rings at 10:32pm (eastern), which is late for a main event... so Lesnar wastes no time in tackling Cena and then punching him in the head repeatedly. And HOLY SHIT, Cena is gushing blood. Replays show Lesnar landed a bunch of fists at first (lame), but then a headbutt and some elbows (wicked). The fans now like Lesnar.
  
  Ref and trainers tend to Cena and try to stop the bleeding. They can't, but they slow it down, so Cena is allowed to continue. He charged Lesnar again, gets tackled again, and gets pummelled. Very UFC. Another break for refs/trainer to check on Cena.
  
  Cena cleared again, and charges. Stuns Lesnar with an elbow, but Lesnar shakes it off and nails Cena with the ol' Hat Trick of German Suplexes. Actually, Cena avoids the third, but in the grapple, the two men bump the ref out of the ring. Now there's nobody to stop the match to check on Cena, so Lesnar goes to town on Cena and his gaping head wound.
  
  Brock no getting boos as he spends more time preening and posing, rather than kicking Cena's ass. Lesnar grabs Cena's Chain Gang Necklace (which returned to Cena's wardrobe on Monday, after a 6 year hiatus), and wraps it around Cena's ankles. Then Brock lifts Cena onto a turnbuckle (front-first), causing his ankles to be wrapped around the ringpost, thanks to the chain. Lesnar goes to town for a bit. When Brock goes to check to see if the ref is in any shape to continue, Cena's able to remove the chain. Brock hoists the ref into the ring, and then goes to fetch Cena... predictably, Cena is playing a bit of possum, and when Lesnar hoists him up, Cena immediately counters with an FU attempt. But Brock is still too strong, and re-reverses into an F-5... but in the process, Cena's legs knock the ref down again.
  
  Brock makes a cover (and the fans count to 7), but for naught. So Brock goes and grabs some steel ring steps, and gestures (Broadly)that he intends to F-5 Cena off the steps. Cena counters that, but Lesnar immediately re-counters by locking in an arm submission. In UFC form, Lesnar is applying the submission despite being on his back ("in the guard"), so Cena is able to use his power to lift Lesnar up with that one arm and powerbomb him onto the ring steps. Nice. Cena tries to follow up with a top rope leg drop, but Lesnar dodges. Cena rolls out of the ring after whiffing.
  
  And then: as Cena slowly starts getting back up onto the apron, Brock measures things, and uses the ring steps for a double jump shoulder tackle, whcih not only demolishes Cena, but also send Brock flying out of the ring, out of control. Holy shit, that's a lot of effort out of a guy who's "only in it for the money." Or maybe he was just paying tribute to Sabu, the hospitalized (but apparently not-going-to-die) innovator of all things Double Jump.
  
  Cena's down on the floor again, and Lesnar decides to set up for a SECOND double-jump attack. He waits, he calculates... but Cena's making good use of the time, gathering his wits. And more importantly: gathering his Chain Gang Necklace. So when Cena gets up on the apron, and Lesnar pounces at him, Cena throws a huge Chain Assisted Right hand, knocking Lesnar on his ass. And causing Lesnar to start bleeding profusely.
  
  With Brock KO'd, Cena acted quickly to FU Lesnar onto the ring step. Then a cover. And Cena wins. So much for that losing streak, huh?
  
  They went 20 full minutes, and this was way better than I expected. Mostly because I wasn't counting on Brock bringing much to the table. But he did. The double blood added the necessary sense of "legitimacy" to things, too. Surprise finish, but I liked it. I wonder if this loss was somehow a "condition" of Brock getting his big-ass multi-million dollar contract... kind of his "make good" for the way he left last time, and then WWE will book him strong from here on out, after he "proved" himself. If so, good for Brock to take his medicine.
  
  
• After the Match: an odd interlude, as Cena grabbed a mic, and made vaguely ominous comments about how he was going "off script" and how Vince might be upset. But he didn't really say anything controversial: just said that he knows Chicago is CM Punk's town, but more importantly, it was a WRESTLING town, which is why he's proud to have been able to beat Lesnar for them. ALso, he said some things about how he might have to "go away" for a while, specifically mentioning that his left arm was in bad shape. Huh.
  
  Kind of a weird way to end things after what would have been a perfectly serviceable happy ending, but this'll add fuel to the fire as far as rumors go about Cena needing time off to let nagging injuries heal, if nothing else. If that's the case, Brock will have lost the match, but will be able to take credit for sending Cena to the DL. That'd be a halfway decent way to save face, I guess.
    

And so ends the show. And I gotta call it a good one. Both Sheamus/Bryan and Punk/Jericho delivered the goods better than WrestleMania. But we kinda expected that, right? What I didn't expect was Cena/Lesnar being just as "talk-about-able" (even if it wasn't as "good"), by virtue of being completely unlike anything we've seen from WWE in a good long time. I could make a case for youtubing all 3, if you're into that sort of intellectual property theft.
 
Hell, even Randy Orton had an very good match with Kane. Not on par with the other three, but still: he opened a PPV and didn't kill my buzz or leave a bad taste in my mouth. He, instead, whetted my appetite and got me in the mood for some rassln'. Good on you, dum dum!
 
Of course, the fall-out from Cena/Lesnar is what will probably dominate discussion from now until RAW starts tomorrow night. ANd rightfully so. Cena won, but then immediately cut a promo where he all but wrote himself off TV? The helll? That's way different from his post-Extreme Rules speech last year. You remember, the one where he announced Osama bin Laden was dead? [Note: I'm not a particularly religious man, but I'm willing to make an exception for Osama, and hope he's enjoyed his first year of burning in hell. You only have an eternity more to go, shithead!]
 
And with that, I think I've said my piece, for now. RAW tomorrow (live, from RIGHT HERE, in Dayton, OH) should be illuminating to say the least. Till then, you are invited to thank me for my tireless service of paying for PPVs that you can't be bothered to buy, and then writing about them better than your usual hacks like Keller. Do so by dropping us a small donation, if you can.
 
Thanks, and see you again soon, kids.