by Erin Anderson
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Hey, I can't resist the chance to throw in my two cents at the end of the year, despite the deluge of year-end columns, top-10 lists, and the RSPW Awards. Rick has asked all of the columnists and recappers to compile their lists, and here is my contribution. This is my final column of 2003 (sorry, but I won't be typing anything out on Christmas or New Year's Eve), and I'd like to send out thanks to everyone who was kind enough to send me encouragement and feedback throughout the year. Take care and have a happy and safe holiday season.

On with the awards!

THE VERY BEST OF 2003

BEST WRESTLER OF THE YEAR: Chris Jericho
1st Runner-Up: Brock Lesnar
2nd Runner-Up: Shawn Michaels

I can't in good conscience give this award to anyone but Jericho, even though he wasn't any real threat to the title this year. He's the self-proclaimed MVP of RAW; the glue that holds that show together. His feud with Shawn Michaels was the best of the year (resulting in one of the best matches of the year), and was something he maintained while simultaneously being at odds with Jeff Hardy and Test. Hell, he deserves the nod here simply for getting a great match out of Jeff Hardy at No Way Out. He got a few good matches out of Goldberg, was the memorable nemesis of Steve Austin, and has wrapped up the year with a great example of how soap opera can work in wrestling as the love interest of Trish. And he did it all while delivering in the ring and being his usual fantastic self on the mic, especially in his Highlight Reel.

Brock was an easy runner-up here, as he's really stepped up his in-ring performances and learned to be a decent heel on the mic. He made the Big Show look like a credible title contender, and had the best matches of his career with Kurt Angle. Shawn Michaels rounds out the list for taking part in a tremendous feud (and subsequent match) with Jericho, making Randy Orton look like a star, and for his Herculean performance at Survivor Series.

And for those who will inevitably ask, yes, I have not included Kurt Angle. He was a very close #4.  

BEST TAG TEAM OF THE YEAR: Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin
1st Runner-Up: Eddie and Chavo Guerrero
2nd Runner-Up: Dudley Boyz

This was a no-brainer. Haas and Benjamin hit the ground running as Team Angle and never looked back. They look like veterans in the ring and bring their amateur wrestling credibility to back up everything they do, and have shown that they can deliver in singles matches quite well. They bring a sense of legitimacy to a sometimes-lacking tag team division.

Had Chavo not missed some time due to injury, he and Eddie might have taken top honors. The Guerreros have an entertaining gimmick, work the crowd like nobody else, and flat-out get it done in the ring. The Dudley Boyz take the third spot for being the most dependable and consistent tag team on RAW.

BEST FEMALE PERFORMER OF THE YEAR: Trish Stratus
1st Runner-Up: Molly Holly
2nd Runner-Up: Victoria

Trish may not be the best straight-up wrestler of all the ladies, but she's extremely solid and is always adding new moves to her repertoire. Her promos may need some work, but she's generally solid in her backstage segments; her work in RAW's Love Rhombus was the best I've ever seen from her. On top of that, she's beautiful and the crowd loves her. It's that simple.

Molly dropped off the radar earlier in the year, but she's emerged as a great heel champion for RAW and is finally showing a bit of her sex appeal without ever being over-the-top with it. She's the Chris Benoit of the divas, being able to pull a decent match out of anybody. Victoria gets the best heel heat of any of the divas, can wrestle with the best of them, and has the strongest character in the entire women's division.

BEST FEUD OF THE YEAR: Chris Jericho v. Shawn Michaels
1st Runner-Up: Kurt Angle v. Brock Lesnar
2nd Runner-Up: Stone Cold Steve Austin v. Chris Jericho

When you put two guys like Jericho and HBK in the ring and hand them each a microphone, you know they're going to deliver. And deliver they did for a good four months at the beginning of the year, first in a competition for the #1 spot in the Royal Rumble and again through February and all the way to WrestleMania, where they blew the roof off the place. Jericho should have gone over, but that's a minor complaint in what was otherwise a top-shelf feud.

Angle/Lesnar was a close #2, but doesn't get the top spot because of Brock's limitations in holding up his end of the feud on the mic. Otherwise, these two gave us some of the most memorable matches of 2003 and managed to elevate the Big Show in the fans' eyes by making him an occasional part of it. And while Austin and Jericho's feud was limited to only verbal sparring, several memorable in-ring confrontations between the two make it an easy choice for #3.

BEST MATCH OF THE YEAR: Chris Benoit v. Kurt Angle (Royal Rumble)
1st Runner-Up: Chris Jericho v. Shawn Michaels (WrestleMania XIX)
2nd Runner-Up: Team Austin v. Team Bischoff (Survivor Series)

Benoit and Angle gave us everything that a top-shelf title match should be: a combination of mat-wrestling, "sports-entertainment" spots, false finishes, and all-out busting ass in the ring. The fact that they could do that with no outside interference or a screwy ending makes it even better. The standing ovation for Benoit even after he lost is just the icing on the cake.

Jericho and Michaels had set expectations extremely high after all that great build-up, but they managed to deliver and then some in WrestleMania's best match. Jericho should have gone over here, though, which puts it out of the running for the top slot. Team Austin v. Team Bischoff makes the list largely due to Shawn Michaels' miracle performance, but also because of the all-around solid work by all ten men involved (well, nine. Mark Henry doesn't count) and a stipulation that got the fans HUGELY into it.

I do have to mention my favorite TV matches for the year here as well, which just missed making the top three: (1) HHH v. Flair from RAW, where all the fans believed that the Nature Boy could do it one more time, (2) Undertaker v. Kurt Angle from SmackDown!, which was a stellar outing for both men, and (3) the Brock/Angle Iron Man. Kudos to all involved.

MOST FAVORITE PERFORMER OF THE YEAR: Chris Jericho
1st Runner-Up: Eddie Guerrero
2nd Runner-Up: Chris Benoit

I don't have to explain myself on this one, and I've given enough reasons already as to why Jericho is The Man. Eddie is a fantastic combination of mic skills and in-ring talent, and Chris Benoit is my designated smarky choice for this category. I just love watching that guy in the ring, and his contributions to my favorite match of the year don't go unnoticed.

THE OTHER BEST OF 2003

BEST TECHNICAL WRESTLER: Chris Benoit
1st Runner-Up: Kurt Angle
2nd Runner-Up: Eddie Guerrero

It's usually a dead heat between Benoit and Angle for an award like this, but Angle spent much of the year either injured or in more brawling-style matches with Brock Lesnar. Benoit gets the nod for making everything he does in the ring look sharp, believable, and painful. Eddie rounds out the list for incorporating his stellar knowledge of mat-wrestling into his normal crowd-pleasing style.

BEST HIGH FLYER: Rey Mysterio
1st Runner-Up: Eddie Guerrero
2nd Runner-Up: Rob Van Dam

Duh. Who else? Mysterio's offense is innovative, crowd-pleasing, jaw-dropping, and is performed with surgical precision. While the moves he performs may be high-risk, you never fear for Rey's safety because he's just so damn good at it. Eddie may not fly as much as Rey, but when he does, he does it well and leaves a big impact. RVD takes the final slot for always popping the crowd with his high-flying style, even if it has become fairly predictable.

BEST BRAWLER/POWER WRESTLER: Brock Lesnar
1st Runner-Up: Undertaker
2nd Runner-Up: John Cena

I almost hate to put Brock on this list because given his amateur skills, he should be contending for Best Technical wrestler. Even so, he's taken part in several great matches this year using a brawling style, and even managed to make the Big Show look good while doing it. That's enough for the #1 in my book. Besides, when a guy gets punched by Brock Lesnar, you know it's gotta hurt.

I think Undertaker is very underrated in this aspect, but part of the reason is probably that he was saddled with unwieldy opponents (A-train and the Big Show) for much of the year. Even so, he makes his basic punch-kick moveset look credible, and had a couple of great matches using it (against Cena and Angle). Cena comes in at #3 because even though he does nothing particularly remarkable in the ring, his matches are still exciting.

BEST INTERVIEWS: Chris Jericho
1st Runner-Up: John Cena
2nd Runner-Up: Ric Flair

As the host of the Highlight Reel, Jericho finally got a chance to shine on the mic on a regular basis. He always has something interesting to say, and the fans will always eat it up, whether he's a face or a heel. He also managed to make his half of his feud with Shawn Michaels the hottest one in the company, almost all through his promos.

John Cena is the easy runner-up for his hilarious raps and making what should have been a dead-end gimmick work very well. Finally, Ric Flair's Crazy Old Man routine never fails to delight the crowd, so much so that it's impossible for him to get booed anymore.

BEST HEEL: Chris Jericho
1st Runner-Up: John Cena
2nd Runner-Up: Brock Lesnar

This is really turning into the Chris Jericho Awards, isn't it? The most recent developments in RAW's Love Rhombus show just how readily the crowd will cheer for him when given even the slightest inclination to. But for most of the year, Jericho managed to always be clever on the mic and sharp in the ring without ever allowing the fans to appreciate him enough to cheer for him.

John Cena is the runner-up for the same reason: being entertaining but not quite giving the fans enough to make him a babyface, at least for the first eleven months of 2003. And Brock deserves a spot here, even if a lot of his heat came from being associated with Vince or Paul Heyman. His promos are constantly improving and adding to his chickenshit heel persona, and having thousands of people chant "You tapped out!" has to count for something.

BEST BABYFACE: Eddie Guerrero
1st Runner-Up: Stone Cold Steve Austin
2nd Runner-Up: Booker T

How can you not love Eddie? I guess he could also qualify for a "Worst Heel" award, because he's just too damn good in the ring and on the mic for the crowd to boo him. He took a decidedly heelish lie-cheat-steal gimmick and made the crowd love him for it through charismatic promos, low-riders, and incredibly inventive ways of cheating to win.

Austin, while not a wrestler, takes the runner-up slot for being RAW's top babyface by doing what he does best: being himself. Booker T finishes off the list for a couple of handy catchphrases, an entertaining persona, and making the fans care about him even when he's feuding with Mark Henry.

BEST CHARACTER/GIMMICK: John Cena's "Thuganomics"
1st Runner-Up: Eddie Guerrero's "Lie, Cheat, and Steal"
2nd Runner-Up: Chris Jericho's Highlight Reel

Giving a wrestler a gimmick of a white rapper would ordinarily be a recipe for failure, but John Cena made it work for him this year. Eventually, he got so good at it that WWE had no choice but to turn him babyface, and his raps are becoming the highlight of any SmackDown! that he's on. Cena is the easy winner here.

In the same vein as Cena, Eddie was just too good for the crowd to boo, and for a time was the hottest wrestler on SmackDown! The lowriders, the inventive cheating; it's all a part of his charm. And Jericho's Highlight Reel comes in at #3 for giving a performer in limbo something fun and interesting to do on Monday nights.

MOST IMPROVED WRESTLER: Brock Lesnar
1st Runner-Up: John Cena
2nd Runner-Up: Trish Stratus

Lesnar may not exactly be Flair on the mic, but his promos are no longer cringe-worthy, either. His steps to improve his mic work and the development of a strong heel persona make him my #1 choice for this award. He was one of biggest players on SmackDown! at the beginning of the year, but now it feels like he deserves to be there.

I give John Cena the runner-up spot because, believe it or not, his raps used to suck. Go back and watch him at the Royal Rumble; the improvement there is amazing. Along with his mic work, he's honed his style in the ring and has delivered in several key PPV matches this year. And while Trish isn't the most original choice for an award like this (I probably would have given her the top spot a year ago), she deserves to be here for constantly expanding her moveset and finally looking truly comfortable in the ring.

MOST UNDERRATED WRESTLER: Matt Hardy
1st Runner-Up: Molly Holly
2nd Runner-Up: Ultimo Dragon

Putting Matt in the cruiserweight division at the beginning of the year may have been a good move to elevate the CW belt, but he never fully recovered. A wrestler as good as Hardy should not be jobbing to Zach Gowen on a pay-per-view, and his jump to RAW has done nothing to help his cause. Give this man a decent feud, pronto.

Molly's finally in the spot that she deserves as the women's champion, but for most of the year she was off the radar of the women's division despite being the best wrestler of all the females. Even now, she's not getting sufficient airtime as the women's champ. And finally, Ultimo Dragon is stuck on Velocity when he should be in the hunt for the cruiserweight title. The handling of these three throughout most of the year has had smarks 'round the world shaking their heads.

BEST SECOND: Shannon Moore
1st Runner-Up: Paul Heyman
2nd Runner-Up: Shaniqua

Matt Hardy may be rid of Shannon Moore, but his position as an MFer provided for some of the funniest moments of the year when Matt attempted to drop weight for the cruiserweight division. Look back at Shannon's attempts to save Matt during the Royal Rumble, and you'll understand.

Paul Heyman takes the runner-up position for being the best slimeball heel in the history of the company. He'd probably be in the top spot had he been around the whole year, but his abilities as a mouthpiece and co-GM are phenomenal. Nobody can get crowd heat quite like Paul. And like Shaniqua or not, she deserves to be here as the valet of a tag team that really looks like she could kick the ass of most of the men on the SmackDown! roster.

BEST TELEVISION PERSONALITY: Tazz
1st Runner-Up: Stone Cold Steve Austin
2nd Runner-Up: Eric Bischoff

Tazz wins easily here. He's funny without ever being over-the-top, and he always makes a point to explain the psychology of a wrestling match and the various strategies used by the wrestlers involved. In doing so, he makes a decent match look good, and a good match look great.

Steve Austin is a solid runner-up for being the funny and entertaining co-GM of RAW. He doesn't even wrestle but is still RAW's top babyface, and his involvement in the RAW Survivor Series match made it that much more important. Bischoff is my final choice here, and he makes the list because he plays the heel extraordinarily well. The man oozes sleaze, and he used that to his advantage this year as co-GM.

"HOLY SHIT" MOMENT OF THE YEAR: Ring Collapses on Lesnar and Big Show
1st Runner-Up: Kane unmasked
2nd Runner-Up: The Rock surprises Mick Foley and La Resistance on RAW

The ring collapsing after Brock Lesnar's superplex on Big Show made me wish that I hadn't read the spoilers, but it still left a huge impact and made for a fantastic visual. It was an absolutely stellar way to end the show, and would impress even a non-fan who was watching.

Kane unmasked makes a pretty easy runner-up. Even if he was handled poorly after the fact, the "Holy Shit" factor of seeing him take off the mask was still pretty cool. And finally, the Rock showing up on RAW recently was a welcome surprise that even shocked the smarks, and the 15 minutes that followed were pure Rocky gold.

FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE YEAR: The Rock and Hurricane Backstage 
1st Runner-Up: Kurt Angle raps against John Cena
2nd Runner-Up: Jericho drops Austin's beer

I've never laughed as hard as I did when Rocky and the Hurricane verbally sparred for three consecutive weeks on RAW earlier in the year. The material and comic timing of both men were perfect, even if it didn't really mean anything in the long run. Kurt Angle rapping (with the help of Brian Hebner) shortly after his return from neck surgery also kept me rolling for a good ten minutes, with the added bonus of him dancing like an idiot and wearing John Cena's hat for good measure. Just classic. And finally, Austin's fantastic improvisation after Jericho dropped a beer that he'd been tossed was a moment that had me rewinding my tape of the show over and over. It just goes to show you that the throw-away moments can be better than anything the creative team can write a script for. Honorable mention for Austin's line to Ric Flair: "Settle down before you blow your pacemaker, son."

BEST WRESTLING SHOW: RAW
1st Runner-Up: SmackDown!
2nd Runner-Up: Confidential

I may have rated SmackDown! higher more consistently in Battle of the Brands, but you can't beat the live, can't-miss, anything-can-happen feel of WWE's flagship show. The roll that RAW has been on the past several months doesn't hurt much, either. Confidential gets the easy #3 for giving us a fun and informative glimpse backstage in WWE.

BEST MAJOR EVENT: WrestleMania XIX
1st Runner-Up: Vengeance
2nd Runner-Up: Survivor Series

I was torn on this one between #1 and #2. While Vengeance had the best wrestling of any pay-per-view this year, I couldn't put it above WrestleMania. WM had two great wrestling matches in Jericho/HBK and Lesnar/Angle, but also brought the entertainment of Vince/Hogan, Austin/Rock, and another match in Undertaker's undefeated legacy. In the long run, WM will mean more than Vengeance. Survivor Series rounds out the list for bringing back the old-school 10-man tag matchups and providing some entertaining and meaningful contests in the process.

BREAK-OUT PERFORMER OF THE YEAR: John Cena
1st Runner-Up: Charlie Haas/Shelton Benjamin
2nd Runner-Up: Brock Lesnar

Honestly, is there anyone else who could win this? John Cena may not be the best in the ring, but he's solid enough, and his mic work and charisma make up for that in spades (does this remind you of the Rock?). He's gone from a great heel to a great babyface, and seems like a shoo-in for the U.S title. The best part is that he'll only get better as time goes on.

The team of Haas and Benjamin are an easy #2 here. They adapted to the spotlight extremely quickly and have proven their worth in the tag team division. Kind of hard to remember that they were fresh-faced rookies this January, isn't it? And for the #3 slot, Brock Lesnar's heel turn and improvements on the mic finally made him seem like he belonged in his spot at the top of the company.

BREAK-OUT PERFORMER OF NEXT YEAR: Matt Hardy
1st Runner-Up: Randy Orton
2nd Runner-Up: Nidia

Matt Hardy has all the tools to be a major player (who would have thought that he'd turn out to be the Shawn Michaels of the Hardy Boys?), and his vast improvements on the mic this year only help his cause. All he needs now is one good feud to really put him over the top. Despite my dislike for Randy Orton, he's over with the crowd and is improving on the mic and in the ring. His recent IC title win and his involvement with Evolution leave him poised to become a top man in the company, even if I'm cringing at the thought. Finally, Nidia has a great personality and looks different from the other divas while still being attractive. A break from Jamie Noble and a move to RAW's women's division are just what the doctor ordered, and if she gets those things, she could make a great women's champion. She's got the goods, but needs the opportunity to show it.

BEST "REAL WORLD" NEWS OF THE YEAR: Shawn Michaels to Wrestle Regularly
1st Runner-Up: Trend of retrospective wrestling DVDs
2nd Runner-Up: Nathan Jones walks out

Shawn Michaels has proven this year that he's still got it in the ring, and is more than willing to do so on a weekly basis. This can only be good news for RAW, which doesn't have many top-level babyfaces to its credit. And hey, if it means that Triple H might be carried to a good title match on a PPV, then I'm all for it.

WWE also had the smarks drooling with the release of retrospective Shawn Michaels and Ric Flair DVDs, and it looks like that trend is going to continue (FOLEY! FOLEY! FOLEY!). It's a great promotional move and potential money-maker for the company. Finally, the news of Nathan Jones walking out brightened my day, and leaves SmackDown! with one less untalented hoss to worry about. Thank god.

THE bOOby PRIZES

WORST WRESTLER(S) OF THE YEAR: Triple H
1st Runner-Up: Scott Steiner
2nd Runner-Up: John Heidenreich

Triple H is not the worst wrestler in WWE by any stretch of the imagination, but the champion should be better than he is. Only one person managed to make him look good in the ring this year: Ric Flair. His promos are lengthy and boring, and he also took part in the two worst title matches of the year against Scott Steiner at the Royal Rumble and No Way Out. Scott Steiner takes the runner-up position for his atrocious performances in said matches and general incoherence in his promos. John Heidenreich also gets the nod for nearly killing Steven Richards - twice.

WORST NON-WRESTLER OF THE YEAR: Jerry Lawler
1st Runner-Up: Sable
2nd Runner-Up: Al Wilson

Will somebody please put a muzzle on Lawler? He can't stay on topic during the matches he's supposed to be calling, has an annoying high-pitched shrill voice, and can't even let a women's cage match take place without yelling "Puppies!" or pointing out that Victoria's thong is visible. Just shut the fuck up already, Jerry.

On that note, why add more T&A to a SmackDown! roster that already includes Dawn Marie and Torrie? Sable is awful on the mic, can't wrestle, and made us all vomit by making out with Vince. Al Wilson had to be included this year (even though he was only present for two episodes of SmackDown! in January) for being a corpse on the mic even before his "death."

WORST FEUD OF THE YEAR: Kane v. Shane McMahon
1st Runner-Up: Vince v. Stephanie McMahon
2nd Runner-Up: Dawn Marie v. Torrie Wilson

Kane and Shane take the top honors here because their feud could have been entertaining and memorable. It was memorable, all right, but mainly for managing to suck and blow at the same time. The limo crash may have been pretty cool, but that's where it ends. Kane using jumper cables on Shane's nuts was the most cringe-inducing moment of the year, and Kane's magical healing powers after both falling into a flaming dumpster and being involved in a spectacular car crash defied suspension of disbelief. Their final confrontation in the ambulance match was underwhelming, to say the least.

Stephanie was doing just fine as the GM of SmackDown!, but bringing in Vince to oppose her was a bad idea from the start. Dawn Marie and Torrie finish off the list for that god-awful Al Wilson wedding/death angle that had no chance of paying off in the ring.

MOST OVERRATED WRESTLER: Triple H
1st Runner-Up: Hulk Hogan/Mr. America
2nd Runner-Up: Zach Gowen

I know I'm preaching to the smarks with this one, but the champion needs to be someone better than Triple H. He simply can't deliver on the mic or in the ring the way that the top man in the company should, and the amount of airtime he usually gets baffles me from a company standpoint (I won't go into the backstage rumors). Ever notice how much better RAW is when Triple H isn't there?

Hulk Hogan may be a fan favorite, but I don't care. I thoroughly enjoyed his match with Vince at WrestleMania, but everything after that was downhill. Mr. America was funny at first, but his monopoly of SmackDown! airtime for nearly two months quickly wore out its welcome. An accessory to the Mr. America storyline, Zach Gowen has a few nifty tricks, but strains believability a bit too much in the ring. He got way too much build-up without having a personality to go along with it.

"GODDAMMIT" MOMENT OF THE YEAR: Kane Electrocutes Shane McMahon's Testicles
1st Runner-Up: Torrie/Billy Gunn/Nidia/Jamie Noble 4-way
2nd Runner-Up: Dawn Marie and Al Wilson's wedding and honeymoon

That segment with the jumper cables had me shaking my head and burying my face in my hands. A simple handcuffing and subsequent beatdown with a chair would have sufficed quite nicely, but this was too over-the-top and almost had me laughing at its absurdity. The Torrie/Billy/Nidia/Jamie four-way was too stupid for even a wrestling show, and Al Wilson getting married in his underwear and then being screwed to death the next week made me want to change the channel. Ugh. An honorable mention has to go to Eddie spraying Big Show with the contents of a sewage truck, as the segment was too awful to go unnoticed here.

WORST "REAL WORLD" NEWS OF THE YEAR: Edge's Neck Injury and Surgery
1st Runner-Up: Goldust's contract not renewed
2nd Runner-Up: The Cat hired for SmackDown!

Edge was an inch away from becoming a main-eventer and title contender before his neck injury, and he was sorely missed as a top babyface on SmackDown! The only upshot is that when he returns, he'll be right in line for a title shot and will be a welcome addition to the main-event scene.

Goldust had found his niche as a sidekick for comic relief, and it's a shame that he won't be working for WWE anymore. Had he stuck around with Lance Storm, WWE might have managed to have another IC-level babyface on their hands. And finally, the Cat is the most unwelcome and useless addition to SmackDown! this side of Nathan Jones (the prosecution would like present exhibit A: the last three episodes of SmackDown!). Here's hoping he gets demoted to Velocity as quickly as possible.

When WWE was good this year, it was very, very good. When it was bad, it sucked in more ways than humanly possible. But there seems to be a glimmer of hope in the direction that the company is taking at the tail end of 2003, so I'm willing to bet that the road to WrestleMania XX will be an exciting and entertaining one. If they don't fuck it up, that is. We shall see.

See you all next year!
  

E-MAIL ERIN
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Erin Anderson is an Atlanta native and a student at Georgia State University. Since writing about wrestling didn't go over too well with her English professors, she vents here at Online Onslaught.

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