Which 90's star should WWE bring back next?

(A) Zak Gowan
(B) T.L. Crapper
(C) SHNITSKY!!!
(D) Flyin' Bryan The Pill Man
(E) Yes.

Be sure to vote for your choice at the official Inside The Ropes website (Motto: "Hey, at least our message boards don't go offline every other f'ing day".) And here's how you all voted last time:

Who should stop the undefeated Umagla?

(A) Vince MacMahon - 4 %
(B) Some Jobber - 8 %
(C) Eddie - 4 %
(D) SHNITSKY!!! - 44 %
(E) Yes. - 40 %

And now, onto the news…

Say It Ain't True!: Former Olympic Hero Kur Tangle has decided to quit the lucrative world of World Wrestling Federtainment Corporation Incorporation Limited Inc., and instead wrestle in some crap-ass indy promotion (probably Combat Zone Wrestling) as well as entering the world of Mixed and Martial Arts (MAMA). Does the fact that he'll voluntarily soon be feuding with, and then aligned with, Double Jeff Jarrod suggest that he's still having "wellness" issues? BANK ON IT!!!

Forgotten But Not Gone: Because of all of the good wrestlers are retiring, quitting or dying from WWE, the company has decided to hire back several grapplers from their glory days of the early 1990's. They include:

Henry O' Goodwin (a/k/a "PIG"): The handsome youngster first burst onto the scene in 1993 (or thereabouts) as Millionaire Man Teddy Beassey's personal hog farmer. Shortly thereafter, he was severely injured by Savio Vegas during the crowd-pleasing "Brawling For It All" pay-per-view special, and was never heard from again.

Two Cold Scorpion: Everybody look out, here comes Scorpion… TWO COLD! Scorpion! TWO COLD! Scorpion! Who's his opponent? He don't care. Like the Gulf War, brother, he attacks from the air. Two Cold…

Mary Jannetty: Although he's accomplished many things over the years, many people don't know that this sexy newcomer got his start as one-half of The Rock and Rollers tag team. And here's some trivia for you: his partner? None other than HEARTBURN KID SEAN MCMICHAELS!!!

Rodney Max: This five-time, five-time, five-time, five-time, five-time WCW Champion has just one thing on his mind: revenge for former manager T.D. Long stealing his entrance music!!!

Brad Strongarm: If his name doesn't sound too familiar to you, don't feel too dumb -- it's just because he almost always works under masks (also the misspelling). Among his numerous aliases are Bradstreet, Arachnidman, The Blue Blaizer, Battle Cat, Big Yellow Dog and The Giant Machines.

Say so long to The Wrestling Dog?: Rumor has it that noted bigot John "Breadshaw" Lagerfeld is set to leave Friday! Night! Smack! Down after their next shitty PPV, because his contract with WWE expires at midnight! But I personally doubt it, because their head office in Stanford, New York, only closes their doors every night at six p.m.! And he's going to leave the company to become one of those goofs on CNBC who shouts out random stock picks! And he'll tell everyone to buy up shares in Enron! But Enron isn't a very good investment (trust me on this one, folks)! And it will just be a huge swerve to get wrestling fans to hate JLB again! Kind of like when I worked all of you stupid marks with the PyroFalkon thing! And it will be the (second) best swerve in history ever!

EVER!!!

V-N-A?: Because their show currently sucks donkey balls, NWA T&A (National Wrestling Alliance Tits & Ass) has gone out and hired creative mastermind Vince Rousseau to act as figurehead "Director of Authority". As you'll all remember, it was Rousseau's idea for Stoned Cold Steve Austen to drink beer, Vince MacMahon to become a evil figurehead owner and Triple HHH to marry Stephoney MacMahon-Helmsley.

Thus far, Rousseau has been silent on the subtle and non-controversial changes he plans to make to the product. But luckily for us, my trusty assistant Johnny ITR (remember him?) was kind enough to steal a top-secret document from Vinnie Russ's desk:

And finally, speaking of bad ideas, remember the series of collectable ITR Trading Cards? I know many of you were wondering where they went, and your answer is… RIGHT HERE!!!