Powered by LiquidWeb Search all of OO for news, columnists, and articles about your favorites!
 
News  -/-  Recaps  -/-  Columns  -/-  Features  -/-  Reference  -/-  Archives  -/-  Interact  -/-  Site Info
 

Donate to Online Onslaught!
CLICK HERE TO HELP KEEP OO ALIVE!
MAIN PAGE
NEWS
     Daily Onslaught
RECAPS
     RAW
     SmackDown!
     PPV
     NWA-TNA
     Heat
     Velocity
     Other 
COLUMNS
     Obtuse Angle
     RAW Satire
     The Broad
         Perspective

     Inside the Ropes
     OOld Tyme
         Rasslin' Revue
    
Circa/Dungeon 
     Title Wave
    
Crashing the
         Boards

     Deconstruction
     Smarky Awards
     Big in Japan
     Guest Columnists
     2 Out of 3 Falls
     Devil's Due
     The Ring
     The Little Things
     Timeline
    
SK Rants
    
The Mac Files
     Sq'd Circle Jerk
     TWiFW
FEATURES
     RAW vs. SD!:
         Brand Battle
 
     Cheap Heat 
     Year in Review
     Monday Wars
     Road to WM 

     Interviews
REFERENCE
     Title Histories
     Real Names
     PPV Results
     Smart Glossary
     Birthdays 
ARCHIVES 
INTERACT
     Message Boards
     Live Chat 
SITE INFO
     Contact
     OO History

If you attend a live show, or have any other news for us, just send an e-mail to this address!  We'd also love to hear from you if you've got suggestions or complaints about the site...  let us have it!

 
DENNY'S DUNGEON
What the Hell Happened to Chyna?
January 28, 2005

by Denny Burkholder
Courtesy of WrestleLine.com

 

Chyna made a career out of being abnormal.

Abnormally tough for a female. Abnormally muscular and strong. Abnormally willing to wrestle against men.
 

Chyna became famous for being so unique. It was one of her better traits. She was different, but in a good way. Chyna might not have been everyone's cup of tea. She certainly was not a traditional WWE "Diva," nor was she a traditional female wrestler along the lines of the Fabulous Moolah (who was tough in her own right, but stuck to

fighting other females). But to some fans, she truly was an inspiration. 

Along the way, she had some plastic surgery to shape her jaw, got some breast implants, and began to look more feminine. She still looked unique, but she was a little easier on the eyes than she was when she first appeared on WWE television. Chyna kept improving her skills, kept refining her look, and earned herself a spot in Playboy magazine. She even became the first woman to win the Intercontinental Title, and the first to compete in the Royal Rumble match. Year after year, Chyna further cemented her place in pro wrestling history.

And then - somewhere amid a flurry of missteps and odd personal decisions and circumstances - Chyna went insane. Completely, flamboyantly insane. She's not just "unique" anymore. She's a freak show. She's downright frightening to watch.

Today, Joanie Laurer calls herself "Chyna Doll." She appears incredibly intoxicated on high-profile TV and radio programs. Currently, as a cast member of VH1's The Surreal Life, she is either drunk, unintelligible, drunk AND unintelligible, or deliberately antagonizing people for sport, depending on what scene you're watching. She's lost a lot of her physique, but for some reason, she feels the need to brag loudly about how tough she is... almost as if she's trying to reassure herself that she's still "got it" when it's visibly obvious that Chyna is a shell of what she used to be.

Evidently, she didn't know when to stop with the cosmetic surgery. Her initial surgeries made her look a lot better, but she's clearly overdone it since we last saw her in WWE. She's got gigantic, unnatural lips to go with her cosmetically shrunken chin.

Always game to mock C and D-list celebrities, the Howard Stern show picked up on Joanie Laurer's life years ago. As she spiraled downward, Stern pounced on her even more, especially regarding her breakup with Triple H and her departure from WWE. At the time, she was reportedly asking for way more money than she was worth, and her current behavior does back up the theory that she thinks she's hot stuff. Her love affair with Sean "X-Pac" Waltman sparked almost immediate domestic problems, ranging from alleged substance abuse to accusations of domestic battery, the most recent of which landed Chyna in jail.

Chyna knows that appearing on Howard Stern is good publicity, which is why she recently did so. The problem is that she was unbelievably messed up on *something* and didn't seem to realize that she was hanging her dignity out to dry in exchange for name recognition. She's getting more publicity today than at any point since she left WWE. You know why?

Because she's on her way to rock bottom, and she's inviting the world to watch. Because she's found out that the media loves a basket case. Because half of these people STILL don't know who the hell she is or why she's famous, but they get one thing: a large, publicly intoxicated woman who strips naked on command and can't string two sentences together without sounding stupid is great television. Joanie Laurer was a part of  WWE during its "Crash TV" phase. Long after she departed from WWE, Joanie Laurer hasn't stopped crashing yet. We'd all be publicly embarrassed to be caught behaving like Chyna does. Hell, I felt embarrassed for her while watching the E! TV broadcast of her Stern appearance.

If we're lucky, it's all just an act because she's desperate for the publicity. But it sure doesn't look like that's the case. It looks like Joanie Laurer is on a rapid decline. I do not exaggerate when I say that I truly think we'll be reading her obituary within the next year if she does not seek help, and quickly.

Chyna wouldn't be the first pro wrestling star to burn out quickly after her career ended. She'd simply be next. But that would be a terrible thing. Every wrestler that has ever died young was a terrible thing. Except usually, their worst moments aren't caught on camera. This time, we're watching it happen.

It's a unique situation for a unique person. But just this once, it is time for Joanie Laurer to aspire to normalcy.

It's her only hope at this point.

 
E-MAIL DENNY
BROWSE THE CIRCA ARCHIVES


  
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
 
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!
 
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
 
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
 
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
 
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
 
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!
 
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
 
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over
 
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
 
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
 
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day
 
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
 
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo
 
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
 
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
 
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome
 
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?
 
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power
 
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
 
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
 
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
 
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
 
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
 
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!
 
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
 
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
 
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

 

 

 


All contents are Copyright 1995-2014 by OOWrestling.com.  All rights reserved.
This website is not affiliated with WWE or any other professional wrestling organization.  Privacy Statement.