Last Week: The Trial of Triple H began. Will his reign of terror over WWE finally end…TONIGHT?!

Hunter’s sitting alone in his cell.

Triple H: I’ve got to find some way to get the hell out of this place. I guess it’s too much to hope for Flair or Thetista to bake me a cake with a sledgehammer in it though

Not So Mysterious Voice: Yeah, probably.

HHH: Cena?! Is that you?!

John Cena: Yo Yo Yo YO YOOOOO-

HHH: I believe you. I believe you. What are you doing down here?

Cena: Oh, Michael Tarver hit me with a chair a couple days ago and dragged me down here.

HHH; What’d he do that for?

Cena: I dunno. I haven’t said two words to that guy ever. So, you’re getting executed or whatever?

HHH: Yeah. Which is ridiculous. I don’t deserve to be in here. I DON’T DESERVE TO BE IN HERE!

Tough Enough Jessie: Go to bed, you two!

Cena: Oh well. Good night, Hunter. Sorry I tried to kill you.

HHH: Wait! This gives me the perfect idea of how we’re going to escape!

The prison goes fuzzy.

(Opening Credits)

John Cena:

WWE Babies, we’re coming after you,
WWE Babies, I’m gonna hit the FU!

Triple H: When you go to prison and you wish that you weren’t there-

Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley: Just close your eyes and make believe, and then hit a guy with a chiar.

HHH: I like adventure!

Stephanie: Not romance?

Cena: And the Champ-

“Dave” Batista “Davidson”: Machine Gun DANCE!

Michael Cole: If I can have your attention-

Kelly Kelly Kelly: My head is filled with air!

Mark Henry: I got STANK!

Randy Orton: My favorite movie is Twilight Éclair!

Jim Ross: BAH GOD!

Zack Ryder: Woo Woo Woo!

Tough Enough Jessie: Is everything all right in here?

WWE Babies: Yes, Jessie!

Cena:

WWE Babies are coming after you!
WWE Babies, I also know the STFU!
WWE WWE WWE WWE
Babies Babies Babies Babies

THE CHAMP IS-

HHH: That doesn’t rhyme.

Cena:

Coo.

Dave Meltzer: That was terrible!

Bryan Alvarez: How is that any different than the rest of this show?

Meltzer: I wasn’t talking about the show I was talking abuot the stroke I got from watching that mess.

In jail….

HHH: All right, WWE Babies. Line up. We’ve got to find some way out of this crib, and if that means going on an adventure, so be it. All we need is a bunch of armoires.

Stephanie: How exactly do you expect us to find a bunch of furniture, Hunty?

HHH: I just come up with the ideas, piggy. And quit calling me Hunty. That’s not even close to my name. Mark, play us a song and help us think.

Henry: Man, I don’t know how to play piano! I break pianos. I’m gonna break this piano so hard that you’re gonna be glad it isn’t your face!

Cena: I can rap-

All: NO!

Cole: If I can have your attention, please, my laptop has a message from the WWE Babies General Manager. According to him or her, there’s at least an 87.7% chance that The Animal can eat his way out of the crib.

Ross: I find your claims highly dubious. This is about to get bowling shoe ugly, folks.

Cole: Oh shut up, fatty. Somebody check Jimmy’s diaper! I think he’s got anal bleeding! That’s bleeding from the anus, folks! Now trending on Twitter!

Ross: Save me, Ryder!

Ryder: Woowoowoowoo!

Ryder chases Cole off.

HHH: Well, Dave, do you think you can do it?

TheTista bites at the bars, unsuccessfully.

Batista: Now I have no TEETH!

Kelly: I have an idea!

Everyone laughs.

Orton: Gargoyles can’t have ideas, silly. But I must admin, you are one nightly fine chicken. Kamilla Kamilla Kamilla, will you do me the honker of being my loftily webbed hide?

Kelly: Ew! I totally hate you. Take your schnozz elsewhere!

Orton: Ack and alas!

HHH: Don’t you talk about anybody’s nose like that, Kelly. Go see how Cole is doing. Cena, I’m almost afraid to ask, but do you have any ideas?

Cena: Of course I do. This situation sure is poopy! I mean. Butts! Am I right? And peepee! Deez nuts!

Cena throws a handful of peanuts at nothing in particular. Batista dives on top of them and begins gumming at them intensely.

HHH: How the hell did you think that would help?

Cena: What were we doing again? I thought we were trying to cure Mark of his hiccups! You gotta laugh ‘em out, Mark!

HHH: No we were not trying to cure Mark’s hiccups!

Henry: Why not?! Why isn’t this about me? Nobody cares about your damn bars! This is my sho-hiccup!

Stephanie: Stay strong, Mark!

HHH: I thought you were supposed to be on my-

Stephanie karate chops Hunter across the crib.

HHH: Yow! Can you do that to the bars?

Stephanie: NO!

Hunter collapses to the floor in dejection.

HHH: I really wish Nibblins was here. She’d know what to do.

Orton: Niblettes, huh? Is she a hot chicken?

HHH: No, Randy. That’s my cat. You know that.

Orton: Gross, dude!

(ads)

Meltzer: I’m going to give Cena five stars for tonight!

Alvarez: You liked his jokes that much?

Meltzer: No! Throwing stars! Right in the face!

Alvarez: Doo hoo hoo!

Back in the crib….

Kelly: I think Michael is dead. And his computer was just a piece of cardboard.

Ross: Nah, a dose of my famous barbecue sauce will fix him right up. Ryder get me my…Ryder! Did you use my medicinal barbecue sauce to spike your hair?!

Ryder: Woo Woo Woo!

Ross: I knew it!

HHH: Nobody cares about Cole! He’s the least popular character! Except for Kelly, of course.

Kelly: Hey!

Orton: I care about you, Kamilla!

Kelly: Ew!

HHH: Ok, this is ridiculous. Everybody, use your imaginations really hard and give me your best idea for how to get out of this crib. Go!

Ryder: Woo Woo Woo!

Ross: NO! We call Stone Cold! STONE COLD! STONE COLD!

Henry: STANK! That’s all I got to say! You want me to play piano, you get my worst idea. STANK!

Kelly: We do an entire dream sequence where we roleplay all the different parts of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, thereby learning valuable lessons about each other, friendship, and responsibility. Then we all have snack time and a nap.

HHH: That’s the stupidest-

Orton: I think I has the solution! Fourth, we load me up into a cabin, then we fire over the clip wall and I land soggily on the carpet, then I-

Batista: Maybe I can eat the BARS!

Stephanie: We tried-

Batista: Eat BARS! Eat BARS!

Cena: Maybe we can scare them out!

HHH: Still not talking about Mark’s hiccups.

Henry: WHY NOT?! YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH MY HICCUPS?! YOU GOT A HICCUP PROBLEM!?

Cole barely lifts his head.

Cole: If I can have your-

Stephanie steps on his face.

Stephanie: What about moi? What’s so wrong with being stuck in this crib with me, Hunty? Maybe we can build a blanket fort and rub snouts like old times!

HHH: God, would you people lay off my nose?! These ideas are all terrible! What do I pay you people for?!

(ads)

Meltzer: Booo! Boooo!

Alvarez: You hate the show that much, huh?

Meltzer: No, it’s Halloween!

Alvarez: And this is your ghost costume?

Meltzer: No! That last segment was so bad I died. And now I’m a ghost. BOO!

Back in the crib….

HHH: We’re never going to get out of here, are we, Ryder?

Ryder: Woo woo woo.

T.E. Jessie: WWE Babies! WWE Babies! I need to go over to Animal Planet to make a documentary about what porcupines are doing when nobody is looking. But we got a very special guest to watch you while I’m gone. Aunt Fanny!

All: YAY!

Tough Enough Jessie leaves.

HHH: Wait…who the hell is Aunt Fanny?

Aunt Fanny: WOOO! It’s me! THE NATURE BOY!

Stephanie: Ric!

Flair: Aunt Fanny was what all the ladies called me back in the ‘70s! WOO! Because I was a limoridinjetflyinwheelindealinfartinpoptartinsonofagunbecauseImthenatu-

A cannon fires from somewhere and Randy Orton lands on his head next to Flair.

Orton: A perfect shart.

Flair: WOO! That’s why you’re the champ!

Henry: I’m the champ! I am!

HHH: Naitch! You gotta help us get out of here! Can you do something about these bars?

Flair starts chopping the bars, and eventually both they (and his arms) shatter.

Flair: Totally worth it! WOO!

The prison comes back into focus.

HHH: You…did it? YOU DID IT! I’m FREE!

Next Week: Triple H’s newfound freedom teaches him that a Table for One, can indeed be fun.

Meltzer: Ugh! He escaped? After two weeks? That doesn’t make any sense.

Alvarez: More sense than anything that happens in your stupid MMA.

Meltzer: You know, I’m tired of WWE! It’s terrible.

Alvarez: Awful.

Meltzer: Disgusting!

Alvarez: Boring!

Meltzer: See you next week?

Alvarez: Of course!