Yours Truly isn’t usually the kind of guy to grouse, but 2004 has been like a giant inedible slab of fruitcake. I don’t just mean in the world of professional wrestling – I mean the entire freakin’ planet. If you’re old enough to remember and understand 1987, that was a pretty lousy year, but at least it brought forth the counterculture that would define the ‘90s. Who’s going to lead us out of the wilderness this time?
 

Anyway, let’s get out of the world of Calum Macbeth and into the business at large. Time for this year’s bouquets and brickbats, the best and worst of 2004. We certainly had plenty of both in the squared circle.

THE VERY BEST OF 2004

BEST WRESTLER OF THE YEAR: Eddie Guerrero
1st Runner-Up: Chris Benoit
2nd Runner-Up: JBL

Comments: Miracle of miracles, both Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit were given the ball, and they ran with it. I’m sure the two of them will split the majority of the votes here at OO, and rightfully so. But I’m giving Guerrero the duke here.

I had Eddie as my first runner-up for this year’s breakout performer when we handed out the 2003 awards. The buzz at the time was to put the strap on him, but I was concerned that WWE wouldn’t pull the trigger, given his personal situation and the question I’m sure everyone in the office was asking: Will he draw? It’s an honest question. But it takes two to tango, and there could be no denying that Eddie Guerrero v. Kurt Angle would continue to make a pile of money with Eddie as the champion.

Chris Benoit played much the same role on the RAW side of things, the ideal dance partner for proven draws like HHH, and now a star in his own right. “Work ethic” is one of those sports clichés that rarely bears fruit in wrestling. There are plenty of hard workers out there, and most of them will never get a shot due to injury problems or poor social skills or myriad other reasons. Benoit is the gold standard that gives all those hard workers hope.

It might infuriate The Rick, but I put JBL on the medal podium. He was also given the ball (albeit in an overly quick push, IMHO) and he’s still running. His gimmick and his promos are instant heat. He’s not the technical master we OO types favour, but he’s good in the ring. He’s the glue keeping things together on the Smackdown! side right now. We got just a hint of what could be with JBL v. Guerrero. Imagine the kind of program JBL v. Rey Mysterio could be.

Big ups to Kurt Angle, whose injuries in 2004 keep him off the podium. HHH is right up there as well. After that? Shawn Michaels did some excellent work, but far to infrequently to be mentioned here. A.J. Styles impresses me, but can he cut a promo? Chris Jericho was given very little to do. It’s slim pickings at the top of the heap this year.

BEST TAG TEAM OF THE YEAR: Team Canada
1st Runner-Up: America’s Most Wanted
2nd Runner-Up: Evolution

Comments: You know it’s a bad year for tag teams when William Regal and Eugene jokingly compare themselves to the Hart Foundation and the Road Warriors, and we laugh because we know they’re poking fun at themselves and the sorry state of tag teams these days.

I put Team Canada at the top not because of pure bias, but because (a) it worked famously, and (b) it shows how the “team” format can still deliver. Take some good workers from a territory that have worked with and against each other, and can get along. Put them in a stable in a bigger spotlight. In a short amount of time, you’ll find out which tag team permutations click and which guys are best off as singles. And kudos to NWA-TNA for realizing that tag teams and the X division are products that are undervalued by WWE. Kind of the same way the Oakland A’s operate, except it’s obviously premature to give NWA-TNA that much credit.

Chris Harris and James Storm continue to put on solid matches with plenty of buzz. I imagine they’ll be the top pick for most OO types. I guess I’m just a heel at heart. But as with Guerrero having to go that extra mile to get to where he is, that’s where I give Team Canada the nod.

It’s hard not to put Evolution on the podium, considering that every freakin’ week on RAW featured some combination of Evolution v. assorted top-shelf faces. And it was worth it for me because it meant that Ric Flair was usually involved, even if he’s been reduced to taking the same three bumps over and over again. Flair and Benoit are the only two guys left on the roster who I would give the bow of respect to if I were in the crowd. Plus, Batista is developing nicely.

A nod of the head to the Dudleys, Charlie Hass and Shelton Benjamin, Mysterio and RVD, and the surprisingly fun combination of Rene Dupree and Kenzo Suzuki. I’d like to put Paul London and Billy Kidman up there, but they weren’t around long enough. I also didn’t get to see XXX this time around.

BEST FEMALE PERFORMER OF THE YEAR: Trish Stratus
1st Runner-Up: Molly Holly
2nd Runner-Up: Victoria

Comments: Second year running for Trish, who is even more the MVP of the WWE women’s division now that it’s been reduced to four wrestlers. Jesus Marimba. But more on that later.

Everything I said last year when I gave Trish the nod applies now. She gets a big reaction every time, although now as a heel. Her work continues to get better, and her interactions with the male side of the roster are always entertaining. Plus, she’s hot. Damn hot. Real hot. And so forth.

Molly once again gets my first runner-up spot. She got buried this year, but she also helped Gail Kim’s development tremendously, put over Stacy Keibler, and had her head shaved. I can’t think of anybody off the top of my head that did more for WWE for less in return.

Victoria seems to be progressing as a wrestler, but the change in gimmick doesn’t do anything for me. I was even waiting for her name to pop up on the recent wave of roster cuts after the ball started rolling. As Homer Simpson might say, this is a crisitunity for Victoria.

I can’t in good conscience put Lita up there. I like her work in the ring, but the stories she’s involved in are not my cup of tea. Gail Kim was very close to being on my podium. In fact, the more I sit here and look at Victoria’s name, the more I want to make the switch, but that’s just the heel in me. Victoria does get a good reaction. If Gail gets a chance to show her stuff in 2005, I suspect I won’t have the same internal debate next time. Note to NWA-TNA: The women’s division is another undervalued product you can play “Moneyball” with. Let’s see Jacqueline v. Gail Kim.

BEST FEUD OF THE YEAR: Eddie Guerrero v. Kurt Angle
1st Runner-Up: Chris Benoit v. HHH (v. Shawn Michaels)
2nd Runner-Up: Chris Jericho v. Christian

Comments: Paul Heyman talked in a recent interview about how some writers are thinking too much of the characters’ background, and thus their motivation, rather than the payoff which should come at the end of a well executed feud. That explains a lot to me. I lamented last year how feuds are falling by the wayside, and now I can see how that problem has continued through 2004.

As I said in the Best Wrestler write-up, it was a no-brainer to let Guerrero and Angle go at it. Benoit v. Angle opened a lot of eyes, and shuffling Benoit to RAW and putting Guerrero in that slot was the best thing WWE did all year. On the flipside, RAW put HHH in the same role as Angle. They also may have been hedging their bets when they put HBK and his drawing power in there, but it turned out to be a good thing in this instance. Maybe too good, because it seems to have become a template to put maybe-perhaps-could be over guys like Edge (and The Big Show?) in the middle of these three-way situations to see if they sink or swim.

Then you have Jericho and Christian. That was gold, especially when Trish was involved. Why they removed her from Christian’s Soldiers is beyond me. Maybe they were worried Trish was being held back by having a storyline paramour. Maybe those of us with the hots for Trish should be happy – you know, storylines becoming real-life and all that. Let’s hope the former members of Vitamin C continue their shenanigans.

BEST MATCH OF THE YEAR: Chris Benoit v. HHH v. Shawn Michaels, WMXX
1st Runner-Up: Eddie Guerrero v. Kurt Angle, 2/3 falls, Smackdown!, Sept. 2.
2nd Runner-Up: Royal Rumble

Comments: The biggest match at the biggest event on the calendar, and it was indeed a rocket buster. Excellent pacing, psychology, “Holy Fecal Matter!” moments, a hot ending with everyone screaming at HHH to tap out to Benoit, and of course, the moment which we all wet ourselves over, Benoit and Eddie Guerrero standing tall at the end with the World and WWE titles respectively. Probably also the moment we’ll be forced to savour until somebody leads us out of the wilderness.

Out of all the matches Guerrero and Angle had, the one I enjoyed the most was for free, with no title on the line. And also had the crappiest ending, unfortunately, with Luther Reigns running in to screw Eddie over. That’s not the way to end a feud, that’s the way to continue one. Anyway, the match itself was hot, hot, hot. I loved the way Eddie used Angle’s singlet to hold onto the side headlock. Brilliant!

I mark for the Royal Rumble. Even though it sticks in my craw when they don’t use two-minute intervals (heck, I was even okay with it the year when the alleged 2 min. was more like 1:47, but 90 seconds is too short), the format makes the match almost suck-proof. Not all my colleagues enjoy battle royales, in part because they’re not spot-oriented, but I like ‘em. You can plug anyone into that match. Tenryu. Carlos Colon. Drew Carey. Hell, you could put me in there.

MOST FAVORITE PERFORMER OF THE YEAR: Chris Benoit
1st Runner-Up: Tajiri
2nd Runner-Up: Gail Kim

Comments: I’ve been following Benoit’s exploits since he was teaming with Biff Wellington in Stampede. I haven’t gotten tired of it yet. The TV matches he’s in have kind of bogged down lately, to be fair, but the PPV work is still primo stuff.

Tajiri floats my boat with less TV time by throwing in a neat move in just about every match. And his persona cracks me up. To me, Gail Kim fits in quite nicely with this group. On one hand, she’s a big Benoit mark, and on the other, she would often throw an interesting submission hold in just about every match. Plus, she’s hot. Damn hot. Real hot. And so on.

There were a bunch of people that made me look up from my computer when I was still a sports writer and I had the wrestling on the tube in the background. Eugene was a somewhat guilty pleasure. William Regal, of course. Eddie Guerrero took a small step back in the ring, IMHO, but is still quality. Same with Angle. Petey Williams and the “Canadian Destroyer” front flip piledriver. All the women wrestlers. Jericho, Christian, Paul Heyman, Flair, Rey Rey… you know, the usual suspects.

THE OTHER BEST OF 2004

BEST TECHNICAL WRESTLER: Chris Benoit
1st Runner-Up: Eddie Guerrero
2nd Runner-Up: Tajiri

Comments: I had Guerrero ahead of Benoit last year, but that small step back in Guerrero’s work (understandable, given what he had to work with as the year wore on) makes me shuffle the two this year. I would heartily advocate making that brand lottery an annual event, just to give these guys a chance to work together again.

I talked about Tajiri’s ability to show me new stuff every time he’s on the tube. He executes so smoothly and flawlessly, the thought The Rick brought up of an ECW stable makes me all tingly. Tajiri v. Mysterio, for example.

It remains a fact that there are tons of gifted technical wrestlers that I don’t get to see, especially in Japan and Mexico. I’m not a tape trader. I got to see one AAA television show about a month ago and I saw more in one hour than I’ve seen all year. I’m all for wrestling “safe”, but that doesn’t have to mean boring and unimaginative.

BEST HIGH FLYER: Rey Mysterio
1st Runner-Up: Paul London
2nd Runner-Up: Jack Evans

Comments: Mysterio is still the man. He hits all these insane moves and hits them clean, and makes them believable. The airwaves, especially the X Division, are littered with guys that just do moves with no logic. Rey Rey is above that.

Paul London still has a wee touch of spotfest to him, but the nature of WWE work limits him in a good way thus far. It could limit him far too much as time passes, but that remains to be seen. As for Evans, a lot of people classify him as the exact kind of flippy-floppy guy I’m railing against here, but I disagree. I had the good fortune of seeing his work this past spring at the NWA-ECCW Pacific Cup tag tourney, and the first thing I noticed was that Evans sells his ass off. His moves look clean to me, and there’s flow to his matches. I think this Blitzkrieg II thing could be good for him.

I just took a shot at the X Division, but there are plenty of guys in there that fly “the right way”. I just don’t get to see enough of them to give them my proper Calum Macbeth Seal of Approval. I saw about two minutes of Sonjay Dutt, but I was intrigued. I didn’t get to see any Christopher Daniels this year, and I’m a poorer man for it.

BEST BRAWLER/POWER WRESTLER: Batista
1st Runner-Up: Brock Lesnar
2nd Runner-Up: The Big Show

Comments: Last year, The Rick had a “basic moveset” criterion applied to this category that made me get all picky and not include guys like Lesnar who are well beyond the basic level. This year, I’m free to take the category for what I believe it was meant to be: Best Monster.

Batista is head and shoulders over all the muscle men currently littering the WWE roster. More on that later, but that paucity of capable big men is why Lesnar is second on my list despite his decision to pursue a football career.

I almost put Jazz in the third spot, then I remembered that the Big Show is a big man. I was thinking about pure muscle at first. But you have Show, who is on the verge of what could be an excellent program with Angle and JBL if we’re unusually lucky.

I honestly can’t think of anyone other than Jazz who belongs on the good side of the ledger. Maybe Goldberg, again in his brief tenure.

BEST INTERVIEWS: Ric Flair
1st Runner-Up: Kurt Angle
2nd Runner-Up: Chris Jericho

Comments: There is still no one finer than the man from Charlotte, North Carolina. I’m tempted to throw Mick Foley into the top slot after his excellent promo work with Muhammad Hassan and Khosrow Daivari, but the occasional cameo appearance does not a year-end award make.

Just about all the people I listed as my personal favourites are skilled on the stick, except possibly Gail Kim (women wrestlers not named Trish or Lita hardly got to speak in 2004). I’m especially choosy when it comes to promos. You don’t have to be physically gifted – for that matter, you don’t even have to be a wrestler. You just have to have a mind for the business and a facility for speaking. Paul Heyman qualifies on that basis. So does Vince, for that matter.

BEST HEEL: JBL
1st Runner-Up: Trish Stratus
2nd Runner-Up: Eric Bischoff

Comments: Like him or hate him, JBL has taken Ted DiBiase’s old gimmick and made it his own. He gets cheap heat, but he does it in an entertaining and often hilarious fashion. And big ups to him for being a coward on top of all that. Most of us moan and complain about nWo-style “cool heels” who generate as many cheers as boos. No problem with that here.

I was very worried for Trish when she first turned. Her heelishness didn’t come across very well with her in-ring promos (and it’s even more wooden when she joins JR and Jerry Lawler on commentary). I think it’s her soft and beautiful voice. But in backstage skits, she’s awesomely bitchy. And then you put her in a match and, again, she’s a heat machine. The main event match she and Lita just put on was outstanding.

Communication is at the heart of the business, and it’s even more critical to good heeling. Eric Bischoff is a natural. Big ups as well to the usual gang of heels: Christian, Angle, Bubba Ray Dudley, plus Scotty D’Amore and his expert use of the most dangerous weapon known to man, the hockey stick.

BEST BABYFACE: Eugene
1st Runner-Up: Rey Mysterio
2nd Runner-Up: RVD

Comments: All hail Eugene. I’ll discuss him more later, but his gimmick is pure, unadulterated babyface. I had RVD and Mysterio on my list last year, and once again, I lament the disappearance of the pure face. Sure, a big part of that is our general distaste for goody-goodies, but the Eugene character shows that getting people on your side is, well, a matter of character.

Was anybody else a face all year long? Even The Hurricane had a moment of weakness where he took his mask back from that kid after he lost. I suppose Eddie Guerrero will get a lot of support in this category, but hey, he lies, he cheats, he steals. There’s a difference between fan favourite and babyface.

BEST CHARACTER/GIMMICK: JBL
1st Runner-Up: Eugene
2nd Runner-Up: Team Canada

Comments: The Hurricane was my big winner last year, but I’ve reworked my entire podium to reflect the strong influx of newcomers to this category. It’s as if the powers that be realized that there simply aren’t enough quality people out there who can just go out and be themselves without some kind of hook. Of course, if the pendulum swings (as the pendulum do, sayeth The Brain), we’ll soon be up to our armpits once again in wrestling accountants/plumbers/ichthyologists. I also thought John Cena would leap to the top of this list, but his act has grown tiresome. Dieter would give it two stars.

JBL, as explained before, is keeping the title picture on Smackdown! from becoming a total mess. That gives him the slight nod over Eugene, who’s bulletproof as the wrestling savant. You just can’t boo him, but why would you anyway? He’s a solid wrestler and he drops the right names during his promos to keep us smarks happy.

I personally enjoyed the entire Team Canada/AAA/Japan/TNA thing. It’s too bad it’s been scaled back to just Team Canada as a stable, but it’s still solid. I wonder if the general U.S. audience understands how much we truly enjoy wrestling up here (although you wouldn’t know it looking at the state of the indies). Then again, I wonder if the general U.S. audience knows its rear end from a hole in the ground. A fellow Canuck went to USC this year and told me none of the students in his class had been taught scientific method in high school. Good gravy. And this is in a blue state, too. What do they teach, snake handling?

See how easy it is for a Canadian to be a heel in the States? It’s like picking cherries off a tree.

MOST IMPROVED WRESTLER: Batista
1st Runner-Up: Shelton Benjamin
2nd Runner-Up: Rene Dupree

Comments: Batista is somewhat improved in the ring, but he’s even more improved as a talker rather than just a mute monster. I do think that a lot of his ability to progress, unlike certain other Evolutionaries, is that he isn’t being given too much to do. Everyone needs to have a chance to improve at his or her own pace. This may be one of those happy times when both the wrestler and the storyline are developing together at the right speed.

Shelton Benjamin took a big step up the card, but he already had considerable in-ring abilities to begin with. His improvement, again, is on the stick as much as it is in the ring. Rene Dupree, on the other hand, is progressing quite nicely between the ropes. He’s gone from being someone who made you fear for the life of his opponent to someone who is quite entertaining in tag action with Kenzo Suzuki (another guy who’s better off in the tag situation so far).

Charlie Hass, Trish, Gail Kim and Orlando Jordan come to mind here.

MOST UNDERRATED WRESTLER: Vance Nevada
1st Runner-Up: Scotty Mac
2nd Runner-Up: Asian Cooger

Comments: Like last year, this is the only category where I will use my own indy experience to add my own two cents (Evans has been on NWA-TNA, so I don’t count mentioning him earlier).

Vance Nevada is a walking encyclopaedia of wrestling. He and Disco Fury are currently embroiled in a feud that is long in the making, and a big payoff is on the way: a Loser Leaves Town match next month. That is the way you do it. The fans have enjoyed every step. If Vance were 250 pounds and ripped, you’d all know his name by now. I hope you get the chance to anyway.

Scotty Mac is the Pacific Northwest’s resident babyface. And I’d say he’s one of the region’s best shots at making it to the next level, if that’s what he wants to do. He’s got the body – a Shawn Michaels type, circa 1994. He’s got the ability, and I’ve been fortunate enough to have my ass handed to me by him this past year.

Asian Cooger wrestles indies in Japan, and we manage to get him here every once in a while. A few months back, he and Tony Kozina put on one of the best matches I’ve had the privilege to watch in person. Think Ultimo Dragon. Again, if he wants to and politics permit, I think he can be a player of note in Japan.

We actually have a bunch of solid wrestlers in this area. If I try to name them all here, I’ll surely miss someone and piss him/her off, so I’ll leave it at that. One person I got to work with in Nova Scotia that I know is still active is “Sweet” Sarah Griffin, who has been in Mexico since then and is continuing to make a name for herself, so big ups to her. Mexico sounds like a good place to be.

BEST SECOND: Scotty D’Amore
1st Runner-Up: Ric Flair
2nd Runner-Up: Trish Stratus

Comments: The lost art of managing continues to be lost. Remember when the debuting Bam Bam Bigelow had five managers to choose from, and he chose a sixth in Oliver Humperdinck? I can barely think of five managers/valets that I’m certain were active in 2004. And two of the people I have listed, Ric Flair and Trish Stratus, are wrestlers who happened to act as seconds on several occasions this past year.

NWA-TNA has made good use thus far of “proper” managers like D’Amore, James Mitchell and Mortimer Plumtree. The closest thing WWE has is Paul Heyman, and he’s been on so rarely in that capacity, I haven’t put him on my list. But the way he’s able to make guys like Heidenreich more viable is so valuable, I don’t understand why he or someone else isn’t used in that capacity more often. Daivari shows promise.

BEST TELEVISION PERSONALITY: Jim Ross
1st Runner-Up: Eric Bischoff
2nd Runner-Up: Paul Heyman

Comments: I’m assuming this category is still for non-wrestlers. There aren’t many people here to go around. I give Jim Ross the duke here almost the same way Alex Rodriguez got the MVP award – not because this was his best year, but as more of a lifetime achievement award in a down year for the category.

Bischoff has done the best of any of the GMs that have been thrown out onto the TV, considering the short amount of time Heyman was given in that capacity. Mick Foley hasn’t been on enough to merit consideration here. Tazz has done a commendable job – big ups. Mike Tenay still has plenty to offer.

"HOLY SHIT" MOMENT OF THE YEAR: Lita’s suicide tope on Trish Stratus
1st Runner-Up: A.J. Styles and Kid Kash plummet from the balcony through the table onto the floor, Aug. 18
2nd Runner-Up: Chris Benoit actually wins the World title

Comments: Maybe I’m jaded, but I think I saw more “holy fecal matter” moments in that aforementioned Asian Cooger/Tony Kozina match that I’ve seen all year on TV. And again, I have no problem with wrestling “safe,” seeing as that’s all I do. Or try to do.

Lita’s sick looking tope was not nearly as bad as it looked. In fact, there was a certain grace to it, the arch of her back and everything. But there’s a reason it’s called a suicide dive. I’d sooner go over the top rope than dive between them. And there is surely no way in hell I’d go through the table like Kash and Styles did. That very wimpy table looked like it did almost nothing to slow their momentum heading toward the floor.

Benoit’s win I put here purely for the fact that, hey, Benoit won. It wasn’t surprising at that instant, but in retrospect, holy fecal matter, Benoit won.

FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE YEAR: William Regal trains Eugene
1st Runner-Up: Eugene meets Mick Foley
2nd Runner-Up: Eugene stares at the Diva interviewer’s breasts

Comments: Eugene is the King of Comedy, aided strongly by his straight man, William Regal. Other than Captain Charisma, I can’t think of any other intentionally funny stuff on TV this year. No, I didn’t find “This is Your Life” very funny, which is a shame, because The Rock and Foley are usually on the ball. I think they reached too far that time. I did enjoy the Desperate Housewives/MNF send-up, though.

BEST WRESTLING SHOW: Smackdown!
1st Runner-Up: RAW
2nd Runner-Up: NWA-TNA

Comments: I’d like to put that AAA show that they’ve started to show up here on Telelatino on my list. But I only got to see it once, since it’s a bloody expensive specialty channel here in Vancouver. I saw it during a visit to nearby Victoria, home of Steve Nash. It was annoyingly filled with Velocitilicious footage of wrestlers at an amusement park and repeated use of interstitials of wrestlers striking poses. But it also had some awesome WRESTLING on it. What a concept, wrestling on a wrestling show.

Both of WWE’s main programs took a step back in 2004, IMHO. Smackdown! started losing it right after the brand lottery, when it vacated too much talent to the RAW side. RAW lost it on a number of fronts. But that’s what we get to watch here. What’ll it take for people to be able to tune into exactly the same TV that other countries are watching?

BEST MAJOR EVENT: No selection
1st Runner-Up:
2nd Runner-Up:

Comments: I didn’t get to watch an entire PPV event this year, just assorted matches, so I won’t try to fake it.

BREAK-OUT PERFORMER OF THE YEAR: Batista
1st Runner-Up: Shelton Benjamin
2nd Runner-Up: Petey Williams

Comments: I think I’ve pretty much covered all these guys by now. They’ve all been pushed to the next level, and they’ve made the most of their opportunity thus far. I put Batista in the top slot because he’s been in the main event mix for much of the year, thanks to all those Evolution tag matches.

There are a number of people getting a shot on NWA-TNA, as I’ve said, but I don’t get to watch it enough to give them their proper due. Anyone else in WWE? I suppose you could put Benoit and Eddie Guerrero in there, given their title runs, but I think the spirit of this category calls for relative newcomers.

BREAK-OUT PERFORMER OF NEXT YEAR: Edge
1st Runner-Up: Batista
2nd Runner-Up: Muhammad Hassan

Comments: I had Edge in my top three last year, but darn those nasty injuries. And he’s almost been around long enough now that it’s hard to consider him a break-out candidate. But both he and Batista are on the cusp now. I’m giving Edge the edge because I’m more confident in his ability to carry the ball. Batista will be given more of a chance, I think, based on his size. He’ll probably reach the promised land first, but I think Edge will follow and make a bigger impact in 2005.

I have never seen Hassan wrestle. But I haven’t heard bad things about him, and given the state of world affairs, it’ll be difficult for WWE not to make big money from this.

BEST "REAL WORLD" NEWS OF THE YEAR: No selection
1st Runner-Up:
2nd Runner-Up:

Comments: I can’t think of a single noteworthy good piece of news for the industry this year. Perhaps NWA-TNA getting a deal with Fox Sports Net is a good thing, but I haven’t seen any of the programs, and I think the jury is out on what kind of impact Impact will have. Same with the “monthly” TNA PPVs. I can’t even include The Rock’s minor success with Walking Tall because he’s almost never in WWE anymore.

THE bOOby PRIZES

WORST WRESTLER(S) OF THE YEAR: No selection
1st Runner-Up:
2nd Runner-Up:

Comments: I don’t think it would be prudent for me to put anyone on this list. I did last year with reservations, and I am pleased to say that from that list, La Resistance and Orlando Jordan have all improved significantly, and I like Heidenreich’s Vogon poetry in a sadistic way. This time around, I’m pleading the fifth. Actually, I’m Canadian, so I’m drinking a fifth.

WORST NON-WRESTLER OF THE YEAR: Insert just about any Diva here
1st Runner-Up: Insert Diva #2
2nd Runner-Up: Insert Diva #3

Comments: I’m referring here to the sudden inclusion of a zillion interchangeable non-wrestling divas, none of who won the Diva Search contest. Good-looking non-wrestling female enhancement has long been a part of the business, so it’s not the fact that they’ve been added to the roster that gets me steamed. It’s the way they’re being used, especially when Gail Kim, Jazz and Nidia have been given the boot.

The only one that comes to mind that is being used properly is the one that is part of JBL’s cabinet. The interviewer on RAW doesn’t seem to have any interview skills. Christy Hemme is being given nothing to do, while the people she supposedly beat in this contest are being handed ridiculous roles like Physical Trainer and Masseuse, and doing incredibly poor acting jobs of it. And they’re eating up TV minutes like crazy with non-wrestling. There are a whole bunch of wrestlers out there who could use a valet. How hard would it have been to pair the Physical Trainer Diva with Simon Dean, for example? It worked great with Sunny and Skip.

WORST FEUD OF THE YEAR: No selection
1st Runner-Up:
2nd Runner-Up:

Comments: Last year, we had Torrie v. her mother-in-law, Dawn Marie. I had no problem lacing into that “feud” with full venom. This year, I honestly can’t think of any feud that was that bad – probably because there were hardly any proper feuds to begin with. Does Christy Hemme vs. Carmella count as a feud? All they did was put on ridiculously oversized boxing gloves and smack the Coach around a bit.

MOST OVERRATED WRESTLER: No selection
1st Runner-Up:
2nd Runner-Up:

Comments: Accuse me of wimping out if you want, but I’m not putting anyone on this list for the second year in a row. As I said in 2003, I do not believe in the concept of “deserving” the acclaim people receive. If I did, I wouldn't be able to watch wrestling without pulling out a gun and shooting my TV.

"GODDAMMIT" MOMENT OF THE YEAR: The Kane-Lita nuptials
1st Runner-Up: Divas Everywhere
2nd Runner-Up: Paul Bearer killed – wait, make that badly hurt

Comments: Not even Trish in her very tasteful wedding-based outfit, nor Kane’s somewhat humorous wedding vows, could keep me from shaking my head in shame. The wedding brought to a head in one segment weeks and weeks of what IMHO is the worst storyline they’ve done since, well, Dawn Marie’s wedding. And the story continues into 2005.

There was one particular episode after the roster purge where all these divas showed up in their ridiculous roles. Goddammit. And what the hell was up with “burying” a man in cement in the first place, let alone turning around right after and trying to say Paul Bearer was somehow taken out of that contraption alive.

WORST "REAL WORLD" NEWS OF THE YEAR: The roster purge
1st Runner-Up: Brock Lesnar leaves for football
2nd Runner-Up: The Joanie Laurer-Sean Waltman sex tape

Comments: I’m not including any wrestlers who died or were injured in this category, because there are always far too many and they deserve more respect than to be ranked. I also haven’t included continuing events like the general downgrade the industry is suffering as a whole, or bad gimmicks.

The roster purge may very well have been necessary. That in and of itself is bad news. Among the wrestlers let go: Jamie Noble, Gail Kim, Jazz and Rico. Maybe there were personal issues involved (not inferring that), but all four were sound wrestlers with plenty of life left in their characters, and wrestling is still the name of the game.

I suspect Brock’s departure will be at the top of many people’s lists, and the product did suffer without him around. But the extra spotlight his NFL quest put on WWE was a good thing. It will also make an interesting story if he comes back. The extra spotlight the sex tape will provide? Not so much.

So, there you have it. The year 2004, from the eyes of someone with a very minor foothold in the industry. Just one more observation before I head out: Is it me, or does Randy Orton look like a younger and bigger version of George W. Bush?

Peace.