by Lee Filas  
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Well, guess what: you don't. You never knew what was going through my head, and you never will know what's in there in the future.

Simply stated: You'll never know what I'll do or when I'll do it....As in, you'll never know if I'll come back or if I'll stay away.

A few ass clowns on the web thought they knew me...they didn't. They never understood what I was all about. They didn't understand that this is all fun for me, and those same ass clowns thought they drove me away.

Truth be told, they didn't. I would have stayed - and actually planned on staying - but fate stepped in.

During that week of trading barbs with a few people on the web, planning on coming back a few months ago, my computer simply blew up. I fried the motherboard, the processor, the video card and every other attachment that the damn box had inside.

It was that simple: I left because my computer was a piece of shit. Not because of the asshole that plagued the message boards, not because of the work that it took to put this thing together. I didn't quit because of a group of asses that dominated wrestling in general, and I certainly didn't quit Eric Bischoff signed a contract and started appearing on Raw.

I quit because I had no way of making SCJ go mainstream.

I thought about replacing my computer right away, in a vain attempt to shove my foot up the collective asses of the Internet geeks. However, I also learned that I had no desire to shell out $1,500 at Best Buy to get a $400 computer.

So, instead, I bought a Playstation 2 and split my time between work, playing Grand Theft Auto and Baldur's Gate with my fiancée, and becoming a casual observer of the GaHHHme's necrophilia hour. (For those of you still interested, Heather and still plan on getting married October 11, 2003. Oh, and I dare that ass fuck from 411 to say anything about her. Go ahead, fuck knuckle, say one thing and please let me put you in your place. This is a dare. Take it.)

Then, when CRZ - who is still my IDOL - packed up shop and decided to devote his life to his significant other, Rick asked me to come back.

Now, I still don't have a computer that is attached to the web - except for the computer at work - so, I hesitated. But after due diligence, I decided to return through the use of my work laptop and my work computer.

So, I told Rick that I would only come back if he produced one of those "Desire" videos.

He didn't - the bastard spent the money on Pabst Blue Ribbon and cheap Dayton whores - but I decided that it was time for me to come back anyway.

For those of you who don't know me, it's pretty simple: I'm the Squared-Circle Jerk. I'm Lee Filas. I'm the new (old) Monday Night Raw recapper who has the "honor" of trying to fill CRZ's huge shoes  on Tuesday afternoons.

Some people say I can do it, some say I'll never be able to accomplish what CRZ has established, while others - specifically a guy from Rhode Island named Hyatte who has a fascination with gay porn, small children and crack whores - will do everything in their power to make me go away.

However, it doesn't matter what they say. I'm here, I'm staying, and I like it. Therefore, it's all good. And, if you don't like it, then don't read it.

Now, Rick and I fully expected to have the SCJ return up today, but as will happen from time to time in my life, an emergency popped up that required my full attention on Monday night, causing me to miss Raw. (The emergency? Those of you who know me know I'm a cat lover. Well, two extremely young kittens were going to be killed by a shelter last night unless my fiancée and I came to their rescue. We did, and they were saved, though my room is now a disaster from them going crazy in my house. Go figure.)

I had, originally, thought I taped Raw with the plan to do it Tuesday morning, but it seems my VCR doesn't understand Central Daylight Savings time or something. I managed to record CSI and Star Trek: TNG instead.

But, starting Wednesday morning at 7:30 a.m., I will be on vacation from my regular job, a vacation which entails me babysitting my two nieces at my sisters house - who go to school all day. That leaves me ample time to do absolutely nothing, so since I missed Monday, I figure I'll do a little Smackdown! recap for you people who can't wait a week for SCJ to return in all its glory. Call it my little added bonus for being away for so long. (In addition, I'll see if I can find a tape of Raw from a friend and recap it while I sit and do nothing on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.)

In those recaps, I'll have the usual letters from people who write me, commentary of my own, but more than anything else, I'll contain those beloved knee-jerk reactions to the show that I know you people have learned to love.

In fact, here's a little sample of that reaction at work: You mean to tell me that those bastards in Conneticut couldn't come up with anything better than the GaHHHme fucking a god damn corpse? Nice job, assholes. Way to use that college degree that we all presume you have.

So, in conclusion, I'm back...and I'm back at what appears to be the greatest time to be a wrestling fan: a time when guys on 'roids fuck corpses to drag on a dying storyline while one billionaire sits high atop his wrestling empire screaming at his brain-dead wife and floozy of a daughter screaming, "Now that's entertainment!!"

And, before I leave until Thursday, remember one thing: Don't ever think you know me. You'll be wrong every time.

I'm the Jerk.

E-MAIL LEE FILAS  
BROWSE THE SQUARED CIRCLE JERK ARCHIVES

Lee Filas is a 32-year-old newspaper reporter and wrestling fan from the Chicago-land Area.

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