by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

That has no bearing on today's business, however, which is to reveal the results of tomorrow night's SD! broadcast for you right here, right now.  If you don't want to spoil the show for yourself, why not busy yourself with the latest edition of TimeLine or something?

For the rest of you, though, here are full Heat and SmackDown! results, compiled from various e-mail reports:

-  Spike Dudley won a dark match over a developmental talent.

-  For Heat:  Chuck Palumbo d. the Big Show (w/ help from Billy Gunn)...  Trish Stratus d. Jacqueline...  Perry Saturn d. Sho Funaki...  Big Show d. Billy Gunn (Palumbo's interference fails).

-  SD! opens with Edge and Rikishi teaming up to defeat Kurt Angle and William Regal.  Regal tries to use the brass nux (they were hidden on Angle's person, so the ref didn't find them), but only succeeds in stopping Rikishi from Stinkfacing Angle.  Immediately after that, he gets DDT'ed by Edge, who pins him.

-  Backstage:  Vince and Booker arrive and are invited by Ric Flair to a luxury skybox to enjoy the show...  Test tries to hit on Lita, but ends up getting challenged to a match by Jeff Hardy...  

-  Tajiri defeated Crash Holly in a match that I guess was for the Cruiserweight Title (?).  After the match, Crash went after Torrie Wilson until The Hurricane made his return by saving the damsel in distress.

-  Backstage:  Lance Storm gets Ric Flair to give him one more chance...  a tray full of food and beer, courtesy of Steve Austin, arrives in Vince's skybox.

-  Jeff Hardy got a DQ win over Test, but got his ass kicked in the process.  Test kept shoving Earl Hebner into the ropes, causing Jeff to crotch himself, leading up to the DQ.  After the match, Test attacked both Jeff and Hebner until the Rock made the save.

-  Backstage:  an attendant accidentally starts a small fire with the food tray, but Vince puts it out with a beer.  Firemen arrive on the scene, and before Vince can dismiss them, one of them starts attacking Vince and Booker.  It's Stone Cold Steve Austin, who chases Booker out of the building, and continues the chase in his truck.

-  Lance Storm got squashed again, this time by Kane.  A few minutes of action, and it was all over after a chokeslam.

-  Backstage:  Matt is hanging out, playing cards with the APA when Bradshaw and Faarooq start making lascivious comments about Lita and her relationship with Jeff.  Matt challenges them to a fight.

-  Tazz, Scotty 2 Hotty, and Albert beat Christian and the Dudleys in a six-man match.  Tazz got Christian to tap out.

-  Bradshaw annihilates Matt Hardy in their match, winning fairly easily with a Clothesline from Hell.

-  Backstage:  Flair enters Vince's skybox, and says he's got a cell phone call for Vince.  It's Austin, who has tracked down Booker T at an area grocery store.  Austin says he's gonna buy a bunch of stuff (getting a "What?" from the crowd after each item), and then whoop Booker's ass. 

-  The Rock and Rob Van Dam defeating Chris Jericho and the Undertaker in the SD! main event.  Jericho tried to introduce a chair, but that was his downfall.  RVD turned Y2J's proposed chairshot into a Van Daminator, and got the pin on the Undisputed Champ.  After the match, Rock and Jericho did a rambling bit of improvisational comedy (ended with RVD and Rock laying Jericho out) that most observers thought was to kill time until they were ready to show the feed from the grocery store, which leads to....

-  On the TitanTrons, they have cameras at the grocery store, now, where Booker T is hiding out in the cereal aisle, randomly attacking anyone who looks like Austin.  The real Austin sneaks up from behind, though, and starts brutalizing Booker.  The punchline of the segment has Austin wheeling Booker out of the store in a grocery cart, while Flair gloats over Vince in the skybox.

Check out SmackDown! on Thursday night on UPN, or come on back here Friday afternoon for Eitan's full recap!

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

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