by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

At least one new WM match appears to be in the works after the events of SmackDown!, and if you want to find out what it is, you'll just have to read on.  For everybody else, this is your last chance to smack the hell out of your BACK button.

But I know 90% of you crave the sweet, sweet spoiler action...  and you shall be satiated.  Since Boston is a strong OO town, I had actually fielded a few really in-depth reports.  I'll just go with the one that arrived earliest, which belongs to OO Reader Nicole (hey, do too girls read the OO!!)...  other special thanks also go out to Patrick and Ron Levine (who also has a band you should check out at www.holocaustmetal.com!), who were the other folks who got in quality recaps before I checked my mail at 2 a.m.

Here's Nicole's report:

SmackDown was in Boston tonight, so of course I have to rush to be the first to send you the spoilers, as per usual.  I was glad to see you got your site going after WrestleLine went down, by the way!  I really would've missed your articles.

Dark Match:

Funaki vs. Spike -- Spike wins with the Acid Drop, oh, I'm sorry, I mean the Dudley Dawg.

Heat:

Coach comes out to some Kid Rock music -- we were expecting Copa Cabana. Taz emerges, and the first "Yankees Suck!" chant is heard at 7:50, the ten minute mark.

Lance Storm vs. RVD -- RVD wins with the Five Star Frog Splash.

Edge vs. Mr. Perfect -- match ends in a DQ when Perfect tosses ref Nick Patrick into the path of Edge's spear.  Perfect then goes for a chair, but Patrick revives and calls for the DQ before he can use it.  Edge spears Mr. Perfect for good measure.

Hurricane vs. Test -- Test wins with an awkward and painful looking DDT of some sort.  Hey, I never claimed I know all the moves!

Rikishi vs. Saturn (w/ lots of new ink -- new to me at least) -- Jacky is the special referee.  Rikishi wins with the Banzai Drop, then he and Jacky get down.

Lillian, Michael Cole, and the King come out and we're on to SmackDown.

Hardys and Lita vs. Dudleys and Jazz (subbing for the "injured" Stacey) -- much Lita and Jeff abuse.  Stacey interferes and kicks Lita as she is attempting a Twist of Fate on Jazz.  Jazz gives Lita a brainbuster and pins her for the win.

Backstage, 'Taker reviews his beating of Arn.  Ric Flair comes in to confront him, then takes out the tape and throws it against a wall.  He tells 'Taker the answer about the match at WrestleMania is still no, as 'Taker chortles.

At this point, I am sadly doused in beer by the drunken guys behind us.  They had seemed impress when they asked what I was writing and I told them spoilers for Online Onslaught, so now if they check it out they will see that they are, in fact, mentioned.

During the beer shower, Stone Cold (w/ bandaged knee) comes to the ring, then the NWO stand at the top of the ramp.  Austin fondles a chair and makes threats to the NWO, to which Hogan responds that Austin's not in the position to threaten anyone because of the bad shape he's in.  Hogan declines another beatdown by saying he has to go work on his "epic saga" and leaves Hall and Nash to do the job.  Austin hobbles up for the fight, then whips a gun of some sort out of his shorts and fires it as Hall and Nash shriek "He's got a gun!"  There's noise and smoke, but nothing else happens.  Stone Cold whips another gun out and this time a net shoots out and snares Nash.  Hall beats on Austin and frees Nash, and the two of them flee.  Methinks he was supposed to snare both of them, but we'll only see the one attempt when it's on TV.  Stone Cold wanders back to the ring to drink.

Regal vs. the Big Show in a non-title match -- Regal of course tries to leave the match but is brought back in.  He costs himself the match when he whips out the brass knuckles (there's a lot of hiding things in one's shorts tonight) and decks the Big Show, who then promptly passes out on top of Regal, leaving his legs flailing helplessly as the ref makes the count.

Backstage, Booker T is auditioning for a role as a spokesman for a Japanese shampoo, using a script he wrote himself.  Producer Tajiri and Torrie are unimpressed -- Tajiri tells T his hair looks like "Buckwheat on crack."

Jericho polishes his belts.  Stephanie tells him this is beneath him, then begins to complain that Jericho has gotten her the wrong lotion, and that she has to use one particular lotion or she'll break out in hives.  That'll come back to haunt her, I'm sure.  She tells Jericho if he wants to beat HHH at WrestleMania, he needs her, and she needs to be happy, so he better go get the lotion and put it in the basket whenever he is told.  Whipped2J scurries off to serve his dread mistress.

Maven vs. Goldust in a Hardcore title match.  Harvard Chris is in the audience, making faces at Maven as the crowd urges him for a run-in.  Maven wins, but 'Taker rides in and beats on Maven until Al Snow comes in for the safe.  Suddenly, there's a ref in the ring and it's a match?  Okay.  'Taker chokeslams Al on the outside of the ring, then Flair does a run in, stealing the lead pipe from 'Taker's motorcycle then getting medieval on 'Taker's ass.  Flair tells him the answer is still no, but if 'Taker touches any friend of his again, he will show him why he's the dirtiest player in the game.

Hype for the "Epic Encounter" of the Rock and Hogan at WrestleMania, and clips of the APA's adventures at the Friendly Tap.

The Ambiguously Gay Duo vs. the APA in a title match.  Wasn't this for WrestleMania?  If the APA wins, do they face themselves at WM?  Despite a rather one-sided ass kicking on the APA's part, Billy manages a fame-ass-er on Faarooq, then rolls Chucky on him for the win.

Backstage, a trainer ices Maven's injuries.  Goldust comes in to check on him, sounding very concerned for a moment, then whacking Maven as he comes to, pinning him for the win and the Hardcore title.  Guess the 24/7 rule is still in effect.  Harvard Chris applauds.

Tajiri is on his cell phone, talking to CRZ.  Booker T takes the phone, thinking Tajiri is talking to the shampoo people and tells them how he's the best for the job.  Tajiri takes the phone back and says, "Don't worry, just a jackass."

Booker T vs. Scotty 2 Hotty.  Booker wins and does his spin-a-roonie.  On the Fisttron, we see the Japanese shampoo company naming Edge as their new spokesman.  Booker T is pissed and tries to take it out on Scotty.  Albert comes in to the rescue.

Recap of HHH confronting Stephanie and Y2J -- you know, 747, Grand Canyon.

Stephanie now barges in to HHH's locker room.  Kane excuses himself and quickly leaves.  Stephanie yells at Hunter for his "uncalled for comments" and "slander" and thinks that 50% of HHH's money in the divorce settlement isn't reasonable.  Since she helped make him, she wants 50% of all his future earnings as well.  Alimony on a pole match, anyone?

Kane/HHH vs. Kurt Angle/Y2J (w/ Stephanie).  HHH mugs Jericho as he poses in the ring to begin the match.  Lots of Kane abuse and prevented tags until finally HHH officially tags in.  He tries to Pedigree Angle, but Stephanie gets in the ring and stops him.  He grabs her to give HER the Pedigree, but Jericho makes the save.  Stephanie gets a chair and tries to interfere again by hitting Kane, but he gives her the "No effect" look, takes the chair, and nails Angle.  HHH now Pedigrees him for the win.  Stephanie gives us "rage" as Hunter spends a lot of time in the ring, appreciating the cheers of the fans.

Thanks again to Nicole...  and here's hoping everybody enjoys the as-broadcast version of SmackDown! on Thursday night.  Or that you at least come back and enjoy the returning Eitan's recap here on OO on Friday. 

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

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