by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

So, with that in mind, let's do some spoilers for the upcoming holiday weekend's three big shows:

WWE Heat
Taped Monday, Airs Sunday

• Steven Richards retained the Hardcore Title with a win over Bradshaw
• "Jackass" Tommy Dreamer beat Big Bossman
• D'Lo Brown beat Justin Credible
• Spike Dudley beat Shawn Stasiak
• Raven cut a promo in which he quit the announce position for Heat

WWE Velocity
Taped Tuesday, Airs Saturday Night

• Billy Kidman beat Tajiri in a good match
• Trish Stratus defeated Stacy Keibler in a bra and panties match to retain the Women's Title
• Hardcore Holly beat Val Venis; after the match, Holly continued his attack until Randy Orton made the save
• Just a note from Rick:  sweet Jesus, even the SD! brand's B-show kicks the ass of the RAW equivalent!

WWE SmackDown!
Taped Tuesday, Airs Thursday

• Triple H beat Lance Storm, as SD! came out of the gates with an actual wrestling match!  HHH got off to a hot start, but spent most of the match selling for Storm's highly technical arsenal (somehow, HHH also got busted open during the match).  Finally, HHH escaped the half-crab o' doom by reaching the ropes, then rallied and hit a Pedigree for the win.
• Kurt Angle came to the ring wearing a wig with wrestling headgear over it to hold it in place.  He said he was blessed with great luck, as his hair has already grown back into its old form, and tells people to take a look at Hogan if they want to see a bald head.  This brings out Maven, who says there's nothing wrong with being bald, and that Angle should ditch the rug.  This eventually degenerates into a brawl, which ends up also including Christian (aiding Angle) and Edge (saving Maven from the 2-on-1).
• Test beat Randy Orton via pinfall.  Notable during this match is that Stacy Keibler was at ringside doing commentary during the match (also notable:  she did an old-school Miss Hancock table dance before sitting down to talk).
• Edge and Maven beat Angle and Christian.  Maven had the Ricky Morton role, taking punishment from Angle for a while, until making a hot tag to Edge.  Eventually, Edge and Angle both powdered out, leaving Maven in the ring to pin Christian following a missile dropkick and a roll-up.
• Reverend D-Von Dudley beat Rikishi, thanks to help from both Deacon Bautista and Rico.  It was actually a tag title belt shot from Rico that did the damage, allowing D-Von to score the pinfall after a spinebuster.  After the match, Rico was greeted cordially by Billy and Chuck (who before the match had some words of warning for Rico about taking their tag titles).
• Backstage, Lance Storm interrupts a HHH interview, telling HHH he got lucky earlier tonight, but that his luck is about to go south.  Sure enough, Test attacks out of nowhere, laying HHH out with a big boot.  [Earlier in the night, Storm had referenced "my friend" Chris Jericho.... so let the speculation about Chris Benoit returning to form a Canadian stable begin!]
• The Hurricane beat Chavo Guerrero to retain the Cruiserweight Title.  Before the match, Greg Helms tried to interview Chavo, but instead got another note from his arch-nemesis.
• Chris Jericho was able to beat Mark Henry via pinfall.  The finish came when Henry tried to use a steel chair on Jericho, which distracted the ref long enough to allow Jericho to use his own chair to finish off Henry.
• Ahhh, now I see why we got a wrestling match to start:  because our main event is a PROMO!  Hulk Hogan comes out, and sets a somber tone by talking about his real name, and his dad you passed away last year, and stuff like that.  But here comes Vince McMahon to interrupt:  Vince says that there's no way Hogan's retiring.  Hulk-a-mania is Vince's creation, and since he's got Hogan signed to a long-term contract, he's going to force Hogan to meet those obligations while Vince milks him for all he's worth.  Hogan smiles and says he was expecting Vince to come out and say something like that.  Hogan announces he's not going to retire until he kicks Vince's ass.  Sure enough, he lays Vince out...  but Undertaker runs in to make the save for Vince.  Hogan runs him off, too.  Vince and Taker leave together while Hogan poses in the ring.

Be sure to check out the shows as they air over the weekend... or just come on back to OO for complete recaps of them all!

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

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