by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

• Monday's RAW was... well, not what I was expecting.  Sometimes, the surprises can be good.  Sometimes, like Monday, they are...  well, just not what you're expecting.
   
  For instance:  it seemed completely logical to rule out the Filthy Canucks and Chris Jericho as the defector(s) from SD...  the logistics of them getting from the ring and into Bischoff's limo last Thursday are baffling, unless Canada has harnessed the power of the Transporter Beam, and isn't sharing.  But a reasonable explanation may still exist:  maybe no one was in the limo with Bischoff, and he was just playing a mind game with Steph, knowing full well that he'd have the Canadians on his show Monday, regardless.  
   
  Still, as minor as this is, it sets a precedent for future "cliffhanger" endings.  And the precedent might seem -- to fans -- to be "pay no attention to detail, because we're not."  And in that case, the end result might be to limit the intrigue/speculation factor that is the earmark of the truly effective cliffhanger.
   
  Another thing that wasn't what I expected:  the HHH/HBK situation.  I figured either they'd go full speed ahead with the feud, and that rumors of the match taking place at SummerSlam would actually be true, or that we'd go "slow burn" style with this and Michaels wouldn't even show up (having to be coaxed into the ring by HHH at some point in the distant future).  Instead, it's HBK insisting on facing HHH RIGHT NOW, but he gets sidetracked when a parking lot attack leaves him in a pool of his own blood.
   
  Hey, did anybody think to check if there were any off-duty Marines from Syracuse lurking around in North Carolina on Monday night?
   
  Just kidding... though obviously, the question of "who punked out HBK?" will be the next big soap opera-ish mystery we have to untangle.  The UnAmericans claimed to have "one more piece of business" right before Michaels was attacked...  Big Show was caught on camera eavesdropping on Michaels' telling someone he'd be "waiting in the parking lot"...  and despite his blustery and profane denials, history shows us that Triple H IS a guy who takes care of his business in parking lots (remember Steve Austin?).  All possible suspects...  and we probably won't know any more until Michaels himself recovers and speaks.  And who knows when that might be?  Next week?  Next month?
   
  And how about this for unexpected?  You tell me that Eddie Guerrero vs. Booker T and Chris Benoit vs. Rob Van Dam are two scheduled matches, and even if they are 6 minute free TV contests, I'm thinking "Ah, hell yes!".  Instead, Eddie and Booker just never got on track, while Benoit and RVD were hamstrung by an awkward closing spot (when RVD actually connected on a splash I'm guessing he was supposed to miss).  This is not a case where "unexpected" equals "intriguing mental exercise" like in the HHH/HBK thing.  Here it just equals "these guys are good enough that hopefully they'll get everything tightened down next week."
   
  For pure entertainment (in the can't-look-away/trainwreck sense of the word), that asshole Eric Bischoff may have been right:  the Island Boyz dismantling Moolah and Mae Young may have been the night's most impactful moment.  I don't get why those two ladies are willing to do spots like this ("Duh, Rick, they're getting PAID"), but my hat's off to them.  They didn't just make "Jamal" and "Rosey" look like a million bucks, they also made them seem like bona fide heelish jerks.  To most people, anyway.  I'm sure some of you were cheering when Moolah and Mae got pasted.  Bastards.
   
  In any case, if you want complete details of what happened Monday night, here's CRZ's RAW Recap.  Hey, for you particularly nosey types, he even talks about why he went away for a week, there...
   
  
• RAW's rating on Monday was a 3.7, back down about a half-point after the previous week's big gain.  I thought the product was good enough that anyone who tuned in out of curiosity (whether to see Bischoff or to find out what happened at the PPV) would stick around in the long-run, but maybe that's not so.  
   
  RAW continues to be about as strongly rated a series as there is on all of cable TV, but there's gotta be a pride factor involved in making sure the show doesn't falter much further.  After the peaks of 1999 and 2000, the Fed is now back to early 1998 viewership levels...
   
  
• Well, SmackDown! Records has been such a rip-roaring success (right, CRZ?) that this was inevitable:  on Wednesday, World Wrestling Entertainment announced the creation of WWE Films, which will be a Los Angeles-based production company headed up by Joel Simon.
   
  Simon -- who has had his hand in on such success stories as "X-Men" (and next year's sequel) as well as in on such stinkbombs as "Wild Wild West" -- has indicated that the new division will look to produce not only feature films, but also TV series and specials.
   
  WWE Films will NOT exist solely as an outlet for WWE superstars to appear in movies and TV shows, however.  The company will seek to develop marketable commodities that mimic the WWE's hip, fast-paced, T&A-laden presentation...  Simon laid out a spectrum of examples that include "Fast and the Furious" and "American Pie."  Great:  the spectrum runs all the way from brain-dead action to brain-dead comedy... thank god that at least nudity is not out of the question!
   
  If a commodity seems to have a role suited to a WWE superstar, that star will, of course, be utilized as part of the project.  Simon was particularly complimentary towards the Big Show and the comedic timing he displayed on SNL a few years back, for example.
   
  Even if nothing else, one would have to figure that WWE Films will at least get its imprint on the Rock's next few feature film efforts.  That could provide the opening and the capital necessary to launch other ventures... or given SD! Records auspicious launch, the whole thing might go tits up on anything Dwayne Johnson's not attached to.
   
  This isn't exactly a shocking development, given WWE's past track record (hell, they tried to buy a failing production company last year!), but it certainly marks a watershed moment:  the Fed's no longer lurking on the edges of Hollywood.  Now they have a foothold there.
   
  Should be interesting to see what happens from here.
   
  
• As I alluded to on Monday, the group that's "touring" Australia next week is actually sort of a combo of both the SD and RAW rosters.    This is due as much to the recent talent swapping as anything... but I doubt the Aussies will mind much.  Aren't you guys about 3 months behind on TV, anyway?
   
  The announced main event will be The Rock defending the WWE Title against Triple H (R) and Brock Lesnar (SD).  To the best of my knowledge, Lesnar is a new addition to the card, taking a slot that at one time was going to filled by Hulk Hogan.
   
  The rest of the card would have been exclusively SD, if not for the recent shuffling:  Kurt Angle v. Rikishi, Edge v. Chris Jericho, Christian/Lance Storm v. Valbowski/Holly (Tag Titles), Knoble vs. Mysterio (Cruiserweight Title), Hurricane/Kidman v. Chavo/Rico, Torrie v. Stacy (Bra and Panties Match), Orton v. Test, and Henry/Maven v. Billy/Chuck v. Batista/D'Von.
   
  
• As noted on Monday, due to the travel schedule necessitated by the one night "tour" or Australia, next week's taping schedule will be inverted.  RAW will still be live on Monday, but SD! will actually be taped on Sunday night.  I know that every week, the Fed's last show of the TV week (Heat) is actually the first one taped (before RAW on Mondays), but this is a case where the temporal displacement might actually affect storytelling.
   
  Will the Fed try to pretend on Monday that SD! hasn't happened yet?  Will SD! tapings reveal anything that "already happened" but which will then actually have to take place the next night on RAW?
   
  And perhaps, most pressing (as suggested by OO Reader Jeff Brisson):  Will Eric Bischoff, ever the asshole, reveal the results of the taped SmackDown! live on RAW as a way to further establish his brand as the top ratings-getter?  I can practically TASTE 1995 all over again!
   
  
• Remember back about 3 years ago, when it was widely reported that a Broadway musical was being produced about the life and times of Jesse Ventura (with Ventura's tacit approval, no less)?
   
  Well, that seemed surreal enough, though it was very much a going concern for a while.  Then it sort of petered out.  And to be honest, I didn't give it much thought when it died away.  I mean, it didn't exactly seem like a real good idea to me to begin with.
   
  But if you were left wondering what happened to "Jesse, the Musical," then you need to check this out.  I have no idea if this report is really on the up-and-up or not... but I know it left me giggling at some of the mental imagery ("The Body" stumping for Carol Channing to have a role?  Oh man alive that's comedy!).  
   
  Just remember: no visit is complete without listening to the MP3's of "Football Practice (Drop and Give Me 20)."
   
  
• The crystal ball that NWA-TNA is using to predict its financial future remains cloudy at best...  but that's not stopping them from trying to put on the strongest shows possible.  Tonight, they've got a WWF-caliber main event lined up.
   
  Well, WWF-circa-1995-caliber, anyway.
   
  Jeff Jarrett takes on Scott Hall in a feud that's been building since TNA's debut six weeks ago.  And just to make sure that things are kept under control, Rick Steamboat will be on hand in some sort of not-quite-defined official capacity.
   
  TNA's greatest contribution to the wrestling world so far has been the "X Division," which is defined by style, and not by weight.  Tonight, the division's champ, AJ Styles, defends his title against Prime Time Elix Skipper.  And then, Jerry Lynn and Low Ki will battle, with an eventual shot at the X Division Title in the balance.
   
  Also tonight:  Malice takes on Apolo, The Truth (the former K-Krush's homage to Allen Iverson) will be in the house along with his nemesis Monty Brown (and sparks will, no doubt, fly), and Disco Inferno will debut his interview segment "Jive Talkin'".
   
  Check it out on PPV, or come on back to OO for CRZ's recap of the show on Thursday...
   
  
• Final piece of business:  I guess approximately 93% of you want to play fantasy football, and want to do it with other rasslin' fans.  I've listed a bunch of leagues set up by readers here, but I guess they all fill up mighty fast...
   
  In turn, that means other readers have set up leagues, with the hope that they can get other OO'ers to join up.  To that end, I've got another batch of reader-initiated fantasy football leagues that you are all invited to join.
   
  These are all Yahoo! leagues, so you get started by going to Yahoo Fantasy Football.  From there, you need to choose "join private league."  And then, you enter one of these League ID numbers:
   
  ID#: 108968 (password: Rickrules)
   
  ID#: 130811 (password: thegreatone)
   
  ID#: 116203 (password: 1234)
  [Hey, that's the sort of password an idiot would put on his luggage!]
   
  Hopefully, all of you who want in on a league will eventually make it into one of these.  Remember, first come, first served is the motto on these leagues...
   
• That's it for today.  I'm back on Friday with news and opinion in a full-length OO... but don't skip Thursday:  at the very least, we'll have CRZ's TNA Recap and another good one from Jeb Lund.  You don't want to miss it!

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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

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