by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

If you don't want to know what happens the rest of the week on WWE television, hit "BACK" now.  Otherwise, here are all the results, compiled from e-mail reports:

WWE Sunday Night Heat
(Taped Monday, Airs Sunday)

• Sean O'Haire beat Johnny Stamboli
• Bradshaw beat Planet Stasiak
• D'Lo Brown called out Raven, but Raven begged off again; Justin Credible was Raven's replacement, and he lost to D'Lo (but Raven attacked D'Lo after the match)
• William Regal used a small package to defeat the rookie Shelton Benjamin

Special Bonus Tapings Report
(After RAW Went off the Air on Monday)

Hijinx continued in the ring for a full half-hour after RAW went off the air on Monday.  Here's OO Reader Rob Steven's full report:

The Undertaker "confronted" Booker T and told him that he had to get something straight with him.  And that was that he can't leave until he gives the crowd what they came to see … the SPINAROONIE!

Booker delivers the best Spinaroonie I've seen from him, then tells the Undertaker that they still have unfinished business.  Booker said that what the crowd really came to see was … THE UNDERTAKERROONIE!!!

Taker balks, saying that it will be a cold day in hell or when he gets beat at Summerslam before he does a TakerRoonie, and then The Rock comes back into the arena.  The Rock said that him, and everyone else in the back were watching the monitors, and couldn't believe that Taker was going to do a Spinaroonie.  And that after 12 years, he owes the crowd a Takerroonie.

Triple H comes out and tells everyone to back off, and that he just came out here to be serious.  He tells the Taker that after having to watch 12 years of "Dead Man Walking", he wants to see "Dead Man Spinning."  Eventually, it comes down to The Rock and Triple H both agreeing to do one if Taker will.

NO CHANCE … Vince's music plays, and Vince swaggers down to the ring.  (Why is Vince at RAW?  Finalizing plans for Wrestlemania???)  Vince says that he'll do a Vincearoonie, if all the rest are going to do it.  Vince does the worst Spinaroonie ever, prompting Triple H say "Vince, you just proved that you are the WHITEST MAN ON EARTH."

Goldust even gets into the act, doing one of his own, which Vince called the "Fagaroonie".  (Hey, no one said he was politically correct!)  Then Triple H does his, getting chokeslammed by Taker afterwards.  Triple H recovers, and then questioned The Rocks balls in not doing a "Rockaroonie", as Goldust starts to get a shot in, and The Rock says that he doesn't want to hear what the fag wants with The Rock's balls. Then the Rock does his, and follows up with a Rock Bottom and People's Elbow on Triple H.

Overall, it was nearly 45 minutes of extra curriculars.  I even left out when the Unamericans came down, just to watch.

WWE Velocity
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Saturday)

• Hardcore Holly beat Rico
• Bull Buchanan returned and beat Albert
• John Cena beat D-Von Dudley
• Funaki and Billy Kidman beat Tajiri and Jamie Knoble when Funaki pinned Tajiri

WWE SmackDown!
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Thursday)

• Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar open the show with a promo, reminding us what they did to Hulk Hogan last week, and how Lesnar will do the same to the Rock at SummerSlam.  Rikishi -- Lesnar's opponent for later in the night -- interrupts, and eventually, gets into a brawl with Lesnar.  Lesnar and Heyman get away before anyone can take the Stinkface.
• Billy, Chuck, and Rico beat Hurricane, Shannon Moore, and Hardcore Holly when Billy pinned Moore.  After the match, the heels tried to continue the attack, but the faces were saved by Matt Hardy (defecting from RAW).
• Backstage, Stephanie McMahon gives Dawn Maries a (verbal) undressing over the "time sensitive documents" matter from last week. She later says that tonight, IC Champ Chris Benoit will face Undisputed Champ the Rock.
• Backstage, Hurricane and Moore are not impressed with the self-serving way Matt Hardy is welcoming himself to SmackDown.
• Still backstage:  Rey Misterio interrupts a Kurt Angle interview to issue a challenge for SumemrSlam.  Angle accepts. For some reason, Mark Henry materializes and finds himself accepting a challenge to wrestle Angle later in the night.
• Kurt Angle made Mark Henry tap out to an anklelock.  After the match, he wouldn't quit the onslaught, so Rey Jr. came out to make the save.
• Brock Lesnar pinned Rikishi following an F-5... but during the match, Rikishi was able to deliver the stinkface to Heyman, so all was not lost.
• Backstage, Funaki is a new SD Interviewer, and is talking to Nidia about Torrie Wilson.  Nidia digresses rapidly into discussion of her own physique, and how Funaki might like to sample it.  Before Nidia can be properly porked, however, a physical dispute between Reverend D-Von and Batista spills into the interview area.
• Nidia beat Torrie Wilson, thanks to a clothesline on Torrie by Jamie Knoble.
• Edge and Rey Misterio got a DQ win over Eddie and Chavo Guerrero, when Kurt Angle interfered in the match and put the ankle lock on Rey.  Edge was eventually able to clear Angle out of the ring.
• Backstage, the Rock did a promo in which he (1) made fun of Mark Loyd, (2) promised he'd never tap out twice to Chris Benoit, and (3) tells Brock Lesnar to "Just bring it" at SummerSlam.
• The Rock beat Chris Benoit via pinfall following the Rock Bottom.  Lesnar was out on the stage watching the closing minutes of the match.   Good, solid main event by all counts.  [After the cameras stopped rolling, Lesnar was goaded into the ring by the Rock, where he got Rock Bottomed for his troubles.]

Enjoy the shows as they air later in the week, or come on back to OO for full coverage.  

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

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