by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

But if you want full results from the next four or five days of WWE shows, then read on...  here they are, as compiled from e-mail reports:

WWE Sunday Night Heat
(Taped Monday, Airs Sunday)

• Tommy Dreamer beat Justin Credible
• Sean O'Haire beat a jobber
• D'Lo Brown beat Johnny Stamboli (rematch from last week)
• Three Minute Warning beat two jobbers

WWE Velocity
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Saturday)

• Rikishi beat Red Dog (or "Redd Dogg," perhaps...  either way, not a good start for the highly touted developmental talent)
• John Cena (with Bull Buchanan and an intentionally bad pre-match rap) beat a jobber
• Funaki beat Crash Holly
• Albert and Bill "Hugh Morrus" DeMott beat two jobbers

WWE SmackDown!
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Thursday)

• [Prior to the start of SD!, Ernest "the Cat" Miller was introduced as the guest color commentator for the night, replacing the absent Tazz.]
• Stephanie McMahon hit the ring to open the show, and started talking about Brock Lesnar's actions of last week, teasing that she would suspend him.  Brock came out and told her if she had something to tell him, she should do it to his face.  Steph got intimidated and left the ring to go stand on the stage (behind a dozen or so security guards).  From there, she says Brock is suspended indefinitely.  Guards escort Brock from the ring (and eventually out to his car).
• Matt Hardy and John Cena (accompanied by Bull Buchanan) beat Edge and Rey Mysterio.  Cena, playing up his lost-in-the-80s shtick, is now calling Bull "B-Squared."  Match saw B^2 interferring on behalf of his posse a few times, leading up to Edge busying himself with Cena and B^2 on the floor while Matt stole a pinfall on Rey (by putting his feet on the ropes for leverage).
• Backstage: Angle talks to Steph, who reveals that her bad mood is due to [insert your preferred colloquialism of choice for PMS].  Angle -- apparently not up to speed on girl biology -- is befuddled by this revelation.
• Also backstage: Lesnar is reported to have returned to the building and bought a ticket from a scalper, while Scott Steiner arrives via limo.
• Tajiri beats Chuck Palumbo.  The finish came when the ref was distracted by something shiny, allowing Tajiri to use the blinding Green Mist, setting up a stiff kick to the face for the pinfall win.  [Does the return of the Mist mean Tajiri is going to be re-pushed?]
• Backstage: Stephanie is preparing for Steiner's arrival, but instead the Fabulous Moolah shows up.  Steph decides to give the hometown octogenarian a match tonight...  and Moolah foolishly accepts.   
• More backstage:  Matt Hardy talks to Paul Heyman about being responsible for Lesnar's suspension (he bravely went through a wall last week to make sure Lesnar got tossed, I guess?)... Torrie Wilson and Billy Kidman bump into each other, and Torrie (decked out in an Indian costume, inspiring the nickname "Poca-hotness") talks about some sort of Thanksgiving Fashion Show that's happening NEXT.
• "The Cat" did his best Tazz impersonation, hosting the Fashion Show thing.  Torrie in her Indian outfit came out first, then Dawn Marie in a pilgrim outfit, and last was somebody in the old Gobbletygooker costume.  The big turkey wound up being Al Wilson-Marie, who said a few words while Dawn taunted Torrie with her engagement ring.  This, of course, led to a cat fight, which was augmented by copious use of the Thanksgiving Feast conveniently laid out near-by.  Dawn was eventually stripped down and slathered in pumpkin innards...  so the holiday tradition continues!
• Los Guerreros managed to retain the WWE Tag Titles from Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle (who weren't quite on the same page).  Early part of the match saw Angle and Benoit trying to top each other, sometimes leading to arguments that allowed the Guerreros to regain the advantage.  The finish had utter chaos allowing Chavo to hit Benoit in the head with a title belt so his Uncle Eddie could score the pinfall.  Shorter than you might like (projected to be one segment by reports that bothered to guess, instead of spanning a commercial break), but still good stuff and the best match of the night.
• Backstage: Scott Steiner walks past Jamie Noble and Nidia, helping himself to a bit of Nidia's backside on the way by.  Noble gets pissed, which leads to...
• Noble and Nidia head to the ring, and Noble calls out Steiner. From there, it was all Steiner, who destroyed Noble, had his usual babble for his Freaks, and then remembered to pat that ass again on his way out of the ring.
• Backstage: Steph is again hoping Steiner will stop by, but this time, it's Paul Heyman, who ends up finagling a WWE Title defense for his client, the Big Show, later tonight.
• Billy Kidman beat Crash Holly to retain the Cruiserweight Title.  Nothing special here:  Kidman refused to be powerbomed, and soon thereafter hit the Shooting Star Press for the win.
• The not-announced, but-easily-deduced main event was Big Show vs. the Fabulous Moolah.  Heyman teases that he'll let Moolah off, but then orders Big Show to pretend she is Brock Lesnar.  But before Show can get too far, the real Lesnar comes out of the crowd, to attack Show.  The fight spills outside, and Lesnar F-5's Show through the announces table to a huge pop.  Security and Steph come out, and Lesnar's rampage is over before he can get to Heyman.

Holiday plans permitting, you oughta check out SD! on Thursday night... but if you don't, then just keep checking back to OO.  We'll have the full details from the Cubs Fan's SD! Recap posted sometime soon!   

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
BROWSE THE OO ARCHIVES

Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

All contents are Copyright 1995-2014 by OOWrestling.com.  All rights reserved.
This website is not affiliated with WWE or any other professional wrestling organization.  Privacy Statement.