by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Not this week.  This week, I embrace this Spoiler report.  Even as we barrel down the Road to WrestleMania, I sense a plague of March Madness -- even more dangerous than the new-fangled Killer Pneumonia! -- is upon me.  I'll be watching basketball on Thursday night.  And I'd suggest the same for you.  Except that it looks like the less-enlightened regions of the country will probably be getting the Duke game as their late game.  Because they're fricking Duke.  In the meantime, the gem of the first round -- Dayton vs. Tulsa -- will go unappreciated on the national level.

Oh well, maybe you DON'T have an excuse to miss SmackDown!, then.  And maybe you should skip the Spoilers and watch it tomorrow night.  But I'm still gonna be busy, so I'm gonna go ahead and open up those e-mails and compile those spoilers:

• Since there's a good chance that -- in addition to being distracted by NCAA basketball -- we'll also be bombing the holy living shit out of Iraq by tomorrow night, SD! opens with "America the Beautiful" and a requisite video montage of the amber waves and purple mountains and so on and so forth.
• The show opened with Rhyno getting a DQ win over Charlie Haas.  Good action, and good heat thanks to extracurricular activities outside the ring; both Shelton Benjamin and Chris Benoit were around, and got involved.  In fact, Benjamin fed Haas a tag title belt to use as a weapon, but the ref managed to get undistracted in time to see the shot, which resulted in the DQ.
• Backstage: Stephanie McMahon tells Brian Kendrick that if he can beat Shannon Moore tonight, she'll let him have a SD! contract.
• Earlier Today: John Cena promised to return to SD! next week, and says Brock Lesnar is his target.  Also: at WM19, he challenges anybody to a Freestyle Rap Contest.
• Rikishi and Los Guerreros beat the FBI2K3.  Chavo was your babyface in peril for a few minutes, and then he finally tagged out.  Rikishi had a big heat segment, and then Eddie scored the pinfall for his team following a Frog Splash.
• Rey Mysterio beat Jamie Noble following a (619) and the West Coast Pop in a very good match.
• Kurt Angle hit the ring for a promo, which also featured a few choice words from Eric Angle directed at the Louisville crowd (something about "loving his brother... but not like that, you in-bred hillbillies!").  Angle talked about being the most talented wrestlers on the roster, and also the smartest, which is why he was able to beat Lesnar last week, and why he'll find a way to beat Lesnar again at WM19.  This eventually brings out Stephanie McMahon, who decides that there will be no more of Angle out-smarting anyone, and declares that if Kurt tries to get DQ'ed or counted out at WM, he will lose the title.  Kurt gets all brave and says that's OK with him, and even calls out Lesnar.  Lesnar quickly hits the ring, and Kurt seemingly sacrifices Eric to Brock... but it was actually a distraction, as Kurt is able to attack from behind.  Eventually Kurt and Eric use a low-blow and a crutch (Eric's, selling the F-5 into the post from last week) to soften Lesnar up for an Angle Slam onto a steel chair.
• Undertaker beat Bill DeMott via pinfall.  Of note: Taker dusted off the Tombstone Piledriver to score the win.
• Backstage: doctors tell Brock Lesnar he may have broken his ribs.  Again.
• Brian Kendrick beat Shannon Moore to earn a SD! roster spot.  Early in the match, Matt Hardy helped Moore sustain a steady advantage, but when Rey Mysterio came out to even the odds, Moore got distracted and was pinned.
• Footage is shown announcing that the Miller Light catfight girls will be appearing at WM19.
• Chris Benoit beat Shelton Benjamin via submission.  Again, their respective partners were at ringside, running interference.  When Benoit finally locked Benjamin into the Crossface, Haas tried to interrupt, but was taken out by Rhyno, forcing Benjamin to tap out.  Really good match.
• Gene Okerlund MC'ed the "main event" contract signing between Vince McMahon and Hulk Hogan.  Hogan hits the ring first, and basically rehashes a lot of his side in the "Who made who?" argument he and Vince have been having for weeks.  When he's done saying his piece, he calls Vince out to the ring... but while Hogan's looking towards the entrance, Vince sneaks up from behind, and takes Hogan out with a steel chair.  After a severe beatdown, the contract for the WM19 match is signed... in Hogan's blood.  Ewww. 
  

Check out SD! on Thursday night... or if you're also distracted by Current Events or March Madness, there's always OO's Friday coverage of the show waiting for you!
  

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

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