by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

If you simply can't wait another day and a half to see what SD! will be up to during a week when RAW is the focal point of the company, well, read on, my friend...

WWE International Heat
(Taped Monday, Airs Overseas Only)

Just got back from WWE's last RAW, before the Bad Blood PPV this Sunday.  It
was my first trip to the American Airlines Arena, in Miami...a very nice
facility.  As for the arena, if it looked packed of tv, that's because it
was...only you didn't see how much was tarped off.  The entire lower level
was packed (except for behind the RAW stage of course), as were the luxury
suites...but the entire upper level was covered, with the exception of the
side facing the cameras.  In all, they probably had somewhere in the
neighborhood of 12 to 14,000 people...not bad, but nowhere near a sellout.

The show got started with 2 dark matches:

---  Mark Jindrak vs. local guy from Ft. Lauderdale.  Jindrak won
obviously...and looked impressive in the process.  We knew it was going to
be a good night with the live crowd from the get-go, as they were having
lots fun watching the match.

---  Rico (w/ Jackie Gayda) vs. Norman "Big Wiggle" Smiley.  The heat this
match had equalled a lot of the heat for RAW.  The crowd popped huge for
Smiley when he came out...and was all over Rico throughout the match. 
Jackie (looking hot from afar, but not as hot when she walked by
us...smoking body though) is Rico's valet, as his new character is supposed
to be a "chauvinistic" type.  Rico wins, but only after suffering from the
"big wiggle".

Next up was 4 matches taped for International Heat...they won't be seen here
in the U.S., as this week's Heat will be live from the PPV:

---  Test vs. Spike Dudley.  Crowd popped big for Test, until they realized
Stacy wasn't with him.  Spike stayed competitive throughout, but wound up
losing courtesy of the big boot to the face.

---  Lance Kade vs. Chad Collier.  Kade was going by just his last name, but
was going by his full name on Heat this past weekend.  An okay match, but
after 2 straight matches featuring wrestlers everyone knew, this one drew
"boring" chants.  Kade wins with the Macho Man flying elbow, for the pin.

---  Val Venis vs. Scott Andrews.  Venis got on the mic, and talked about
his upcoming XXX productions, stating he'll have Sperminator instead of
Terminator.  Amusing schtick as usual.  Run-of-the-mill squash type match
here.  Venis hit Andrews with the money shot, and following the match gave
his towel to a lovely young lady at ringside.

---  Chris Nowinski vs. Maven.  Yes...they're at it again.  Good pop for
both, and a solid match...Nowinski isn't looking as green as he used to. 
Finish saw Maven on the top rope, when Nowinski bumps the ref into the
ropes, causing Maven to crotch himself.  Nowinski then uses his protective
mask as a weapon across Maven's forehead, and the rest is history.  The
Harvard man picks up the 1,2,3.

       - This report was filed by OO Reader Hugh Zeitlin.  Thanks to him.

WWE Velocity
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Saturday)

• Spanky Kendrick defeated Chad Collyer
• Orlando Jordan ended his Velocity losing streak with a win over Shannon Moore.
• Bill DeMott beat Kanyon, and told another bad joke along the way.
• Rikishi squashed Crash Holly.

WWE SmackDown!
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Thursday)

• Backstage: Matt Hardy assaults his MF'ers after they failed to help him retain his Cruiserweight Title last week.  He lays them both out, and then heads to the ring alone....
• Rey Mysterio successfully defended his Cruiserweight Title in a rematch against Matt Hardy.  Shorter than last week's main event, and without any major extracurriculars (the MF'ers, Rey's family, etc), but still pretty hot while it lasted.  Rey won cleanly via pinfall (619 to the West Coast Pop).
• Piper's Pit was next, with Roddy Piper seconded by Sean "Ace" O'Haire declaring it was an "International" Pit.  Piper brought out the tag champs, Eddie Guerrero and Tajiri, and starts trying to make them feel at home with various Japanese and Mexican food items.  Finally, Tajiri allows O'Haire to hold his tag title belt after Piper gives him some sushi.  Then things started to get ugly when O'Haire wouldn't give the belt back, but Piper defused the situation by offering everybody a round of tequila (yeah, that NEVER leads to trouble!).  Instead of drinking the tequila, Tajiri spewed his like Mist, blinding Piper and O'Haire.  Eddie grabbed the title belt, handed it back to Tajiri, and the champs left together in their low rider.
• Backstage: in the GM Office, Sable is snooping around when Steph comes in.  Sable says she just wanted to take a look at Zach Gowen's contract, but Steph says that's not necessary, and that further more, she doesn't need an assistant, so Sable can just keep to herself and collect her money by doing nothing.  Oh, and somehow in all this, Stephanie announces that she's decided to bring the US Title back to SmackDown...  you know what would have made more sense?  If the US Title had gone to RAW (where the top title is the old NWA "World" Title belt), and the IC Title had stayed with the "WWE Title" on SD!.  But I'll take it...
• A returning Billy Gunn made his entrance to his old "Ass Man" theme song, and was in full "Mr. Ass" mode as he defeated A-Train in a pretty basic match: hot start for Gunn, then 2 minutes or so of Train throwing his weight around to make you feel sorry for Gunn, then Gunn rallying and hitting the Fame-asser for the win.  Torrie Wilson had been doing guest ring announcing for this match, and afterwards, she and Billy exchanged light pats on each other's fannies.  
• In the parking lot:  Brock Lesnar arrives at the arena.  We could probably have just taken that as read...
• Undertaker continued his dominance over the FBI, this time with a singles win over Johnny Stamboli.  Just as a good as last week's match against Palumbo by all count, which played out roughly the same way: with Taker avoiding the 3-on-1 numbers game during the match itself so that he could win with the Last Ride.  Post-match was a different story, though, as Taker could not avoid the numbers, and eventually got laid out by a chairshot from Nunzio.
• Backstage: Mr. America is giving Zach Gowen a pep talk for his upcoming arm wrestling match.
• Arm Wrestling Time, and tomorrow night, you might want to grab a sandwich and beverage before this one starts, because it goes on and on...  first, Stephanie is out to make sure everything is on the level, and is about to introduce Zach when Sable interrupts.  Apparently, Sable will also be on hand to observe.  Finally, Steph brings out Zach, who is joined by Mr. America.  Then, out comes Vince McMahon.  Vince and Mr. A. do some mic work, which is basically Mr. A. trying to goad Vince into letting him (America) take Zach's place in the contest.  Vince is having none of it until Sable pulls him aside and whispers something in his ear.  Suddenly, Vince has a change of heart: he will arm wrestle Mr. America, but it's not a contest for Zach's contract, it's a contest to decide if Mr. America can stay in the building for the rest of the show.  Or something like that.  So, Vince vs. Mr. America, and America is starting to gain the edge when, all of a sudden, Sable moves into America's line of vision and takes her top off.  Completely.  Mr. America was utterly distracted and immediately lost the contest.  Mr. America was escorted from the ring while Vince gloated and showed replays (all from family-friendly angles, of course).  But just when you think the segment is over, Vince decides NOW would be a good time for him to arm wrestle Zach Gowen for Zach's WWE contract.  There is more debate with Vince and Stephanie over if that's fair, but eventually when Vince declares that this is the only chance he'll give Zach to earn a WWE contract, it is decided: they go on with the arm wrestling contest.  And Zach actually gives Vince a good fight... so good, in fact, that Vince gets frustrated and just kicks Zach's prosthetic leg out from under him to win the contest in sufficiently underhanded fashion.  Vince does some more mic work to close out the segment, announcing that Zach will never get a WWE contract.
• Backstage: Mr. America is trying to cheer Zach up, saying that they'll figure something out and fight another day.  Big Show walks by this touching scene and just laughs and reminds them that Vince's catchphrase is "No Chance in Hell."
• The Basham Brothers debuted their new valet (TE3's Linda Miles, under a new name), and then scored a big victory over Chris Benoit and Rhyno.  Good match, and the possibilities of a Rhyno/Benoit feud were only enhanced again this week when Benoit was the one pinned following failed interference from Rhyno.  After the match, they even had a staredown, though that's as serious as things got.
• Backstage: cooler heads are NOT prevailing, as Rhyno and Benoit are still arguing.  The end result is that Benoit announces he wants nothing more to do with Rhyno, ever.
• John Cena beat Funaki in a total squash match.  Cena's pre-match rap was probably longer than the actual contest.
• More promo time next, as Kurt Angle hits the ring.  He's here to address Team Angle and he asks them to come out to the ring.  Benjamin and Haas do that, and stand there for a few minutes while Angle talks.  Kurt says he understands that they were busy trying to defend and later regain their tag titles, and maybe that's why they didn't visit him in the hospital.  He's fine with that. But what Kurt wants to know is why they weren't there last week to welcome him back.  Benjamin speaks first, and says it's because they were sick.... sick of being overshadowed by a prima donna like Kurt!  Uh oh.  Then Haas accuses Kurt of not supporting them, and not being there when they had to defend the tag titles in a ladder match.  Kurt gets back on the mic and says it sounds like Team Angle is more like Team "WWAAAAAA-ngle," what with all the bitching and crying.  Haas and Benjamin try to appoint themselves as new co-captains of Team Angle, only to have Kurt override them: he says as the founding member of the team, he is kicking Haas and Benjamin out.  They do some baseball umpire shtick as Kurt announces "You're Outta Here," and the crowd, predictably, sings "Na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye" at Haas and Benjamin to close the segment.
• The run a Tale of the Tape for the Lesnar/Show main event.... then hype is done for RAW's Bad Blood PPV (that's awful nice of them, isn't it?).
• Backstage:  No Longer Team Angle winds up attacking Kurt, leaving him lying.
• Brock Lesnar and Big Show went to a no decision, but it sounds like it's just about the most spectacular no decision imaginable.  After about 7-8 minutes of action, Lesnar set Show up for a superplex... and he actually hit it!  But when the two landed, the combined weight broke the ring.  Not only did Lesnar and Show go through the mat, but the the entire ring collapsed in on itself.  Described as a stunning visual, the finish left both men selling it like they were dead.  Neither man moved for a while, and teams of officials and EMTs eventually swarmed to the ring.  Finally, Brock was the first to get up under his own power, briefly celebrating with his belt before going; a few minutes later, Show managed to get up and eschew a stretcher to stumble out on his own, too.  Nobody was sure how much of this was going to air,  if the show would simply end with the collapse of the ring or if they'd keep it rolling to try to sell the devastating nature of the finish (since this was the planned finish, you gotta think they'll want to show SOME of the post-match surrealness, right?).  Still, sounds like a must-see to me.

Check out SD! in its as-aired format tomorrow night, and come on back to OO on Friday for full results/analysis, too....

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

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