by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Last chance for those of you who'd rather be surprised on Thursday night and over the weekend to back out.  I won't warn you again.

Here, as compiled from e-mail reports, are WWE's TV Results of Tomorrow... Today:

Saturday Night Heat
(Taped Monday, Airs in Velocity's USUAL Timeslot on Saturday)

• La Resistance got a DQ win over the Dudley Boyz when the Duds could not restrain themselves from using a table; cast of "The Mullets" made another appearance during this match.
• Goldust beat the "GM of Heat" Stevie Richards
• Christian beat Some Guy
• Rodney Mack (no Teddy Long for some reason) beat Maven.

 
Dark/Int'l Velocity Matches
(Taped Tuesday, Airs ????)

• Not sure which of these matches will show up on int'l or syndicated WWE shows, but here in the US, we'll be getting a live version of Velocity on Sunday night, so....
• Jimmy Snuka's son (developmental wrestler) beat some guy (definitely a dark match)
• Ultimo Dragon beat Some Guy
• Kanyon beat Some Guy
• Orlando Jordan beat Nunzio
• Basham Brothers beat Spanky Kendrick and Funaki

 
WWE SmackDown!
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Thursday)

• Stephanie McMahon opened the show with a promo, and talked about how Vince was not present tonight because he was with Linda (ohhh! cross-brand insider references!).  She made a six-man main event for tonight, with Show/Haas/Benjamin facing Angle/Lesnar/Gowen.  John Cena decided to interrupt so he could hit on Steph a little bit, which is all fun until Sable shows up on the big screen.  Sable says shes just waiting backstage for Steph to come on back and get her.  So Steph leaves the ring to go chase Sable.
• Rey Mysterio and Matt Hardy got a win over Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore in a good-but-short TV match.  They keep momentum rolling into their PPV tag title shot.
• Backstage: Steph is looking for Sable, and attacks a blonde woman from behind.  Turns out, it was Torrie Wilson.  D'oh.  Eventually Steph and Sable hook up, and have a cat fight in which Sable's top comes off.  Finally, Vince McMahon appears out of nowhere to put an end to things.  He announces that at the PPV, Sable will make sure Steph winds up in the same condition Linda is in.
• Billy Gunn beat Jamie Noble in a match that was little more than the premise for a post-match announcement by Torrie Wilson: if Noble can beat Gunn in a rematch at the Vengeance PPV, then and only then will she sleep with Noble.
• Backstage: "Brooklyn Brawler" Steve Lombardi thinks he's a perfect fit for the APA Bar Room Brawl.  Somehow, the APA also add Brother Love and Doink the Clown to the mix for the PPV.
• Eddie Guerrero hit the ring for a promo.  Again, he got lots of cheers.  He talked about Chris Benoit and how they're such great friends and how it hurts him that they have to fight.  Benoit comes out and says, Bullshit, we haven't talked in months.  This leads up to Benoit challenging Eddie to a match right here tonight.  But Eddie begs off, saying the PPV is soon enough.  Eddie fakes leaving the ring, but as soon as Benoit turns his back, Eddie strikes.  The two brawl, with Eddie finally cheating to get the best of it, for a few minutes until Rhyno comes out to make a save.  Officials see Benoit to the back as we segue directly into.....
• Eddie Guerrero beat Rhyno in the consensus match of the night.  Good stuff here, with Eddie hitting a low blow to get the win in the end.
• Video package: Undertaker/John Cena feud is recapped, including a new rap from Cena, one that does NOT end in a tombstone urination, thankfully.
• The APA got a win over the FBI in another match that was little but a set-up to get to a post-match angle.  In this case, it was the b-team locker room clearing out to come to the ring for a tease of the Bar Room Brawl.  O'Haire, the Bashams, Albert, and probably a few others I'm forgetting... all came out and brawled with the APA and FBI.
• Backstage: Vince McMahon and Zach Gowen cross paths and have heated words for each other.  Vince is about to take it to Zach a few days early, but Lesnar and Angle show up just in time to tell Zach it's time for their match.
• Big Show, Charlie Haas, and Shelton Benjamin beat Brock Lesnar, Kurt Angle, and Zach Gowen in a good match.  Everybody worked well together, and the match built up to Zach hitting just a few spots before he pretty much powdered out following a run-in from Vince McMahon.  Then Haas/Benjamin were able to occupy Lesnar while Show chokeslammed Angle for the win.  After the match, Angle and Lesnar came back, and had Big Show down... but they started arguing about who'd hit a big move next.  They bickering gave Show time to recover and to lay them BOTH out with chokeslams to end the show.  Sounds like the right finish heading into the PPV...

Check out the shows as they air on TV over the next few days, or come on back to OO for full recaps and analysis of them all! 
 

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

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