by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

If you wanna find out a day and a half early what goes down on tomorrow's SD!, then keep on reading.  As is my custom, I think it's cooler if you just sit back and watch the show, but hey, what do I know?  

Oh, wait, I see my stats and I know this: most of you love the spoilers.  And I'm such a slut that I'll give 'em to you.  Enjoy...

WWE Sunday Night Heat
(Taped Monday, Airs Sunday)

• Tommy Dreamer had a dark match and beat the trying-out Jimmy Yang (ex- of WCW)... Coach got some heel heat when introduced as an announcer
• Rob Conway beat Spike Dudley
• Val Venis beat Some Guy
• Rodney Mack and Mark Henry handled Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade; best part was some mic work from Teddy Long before the match

WWE Velocity
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Saturday)

• Jimmy Yang's other dark match was a loss to Rhyno
• For TV, Sean O'Haire beat Orlando Jordan
• The FBI beat Noble/Gunn
• Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore beat Funaki/Ultimo Dragon
• Billy Kidman beat Nunzio

SmackDown!
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Thursday)

• In a Velocity re-match, the World's Greatest Tag Team retain their titles with a win over the APA.  Haas nailed Bradshaw with a title belt for the win.
• In the parking lot: Eddie has arrived and is shining his low rider up real nice... when Vince/Big Show/Sable pull up in a limo.  As Vince walks into the building, he's confronted by Brock Lesnar, who wants to know why Vince hasn't been returning his phone calls since SummerSlam.  Vince brushes Lesnar off.
• Backstage (I guess after a commercial): Lesnar and Vince are now arguing face t face in Vince's office.  Short version: Vince is disappointed in what Lesnar has become these last few weeks, and wants him to unleash "the inner animal" here tonight."  Lesnar does the evil chuckle of imminent doom.
• John Cena hits the ring, and has a rap about Eddie Guerrero.  This has the effect of coaxing Eddie (in a green low-rider truck) to come on down to the ring.  The two go back and forth briefly (Eddie's the pure babyface), and this ends with a brawl in which Cena uses the US Title belt to KO Eddie...  and then he steals the ride.  Ooohhhh....
• Backstage: first, Eddie confronts Stephanie about Cena, and she sets up a "Latino Streetfight" for next week on SD! (it's Eddie vs. Cena, anything goes in a parking lot)...  also Undertaker is interviewed and promises that he'll never tap out to Kurt Angle; he'd let his ankle be broken first.
• Chris Benoit beat A-Train, again via unconvincing means: this time, a run-in from Rhyno went awry, and he accidently gored A-Train, allowing Benoit to get the win.
• Backstage: Angle has a few counterpoints to Taker's interview, and thinks he'll retain his title... and also, Stephanie is kept out of her office by Vince and Big Show, and we find out Brock Lesnar is in there doing some kind of "business."  Hmmmm...
• Kurt Angle and the Undertaker had a good 12 minute match, but it went to a no decision when Brock Lesnar came out and went after both guys with chairs.  In this match, Taker was way over as the babyface; Angle wasn't necessarily booed by New Orleans, but he was definitely not the most popular guy in the ring.  Taker was firmly in control and ready to hit a finisher when Lesnar ran out; he left both men lying.
• A "Bourbon Street Bikini Contest" went down pretty much exactly as you'd expect: Sable, Torrie, Dawn Marie, and Nidia all looked good in their TV-PG bikinis, Tazz made a few witty comments, and the fans pretty much agreed that Torrie Wilson was your winner.  Her celebration didn't last long, though, as Shaniqua ran out and immediately went after both Torrie and Nidia for their contributions to problems the Bashams have been having with Gunn/Noble.  Dawn Marie also got a little taste.  Sable was spared.
• Backstage: the APA are recuperating in their new office, and introduce us to their "butler," Bruce (no ID yet, but I'm sure it's a known developmental guy, and will have more on Friday).  Faarooq's not sure why the APA would need a butler around the office until Bruce brings him a beer.  Aha.
• Rey Mysterio beat Tajiri to retain the Cruiserweight Title.  Consensus Match of the Night, about 10-12 minutes of really amazing action (watch them shave it down for TV, the mansards!).  Rey was the fan favorite here, but Tajiri got cheered to.  Until the end, that is.  After Rey won clean with a 619/WCP combo, he offered to shake Tajiri's hand in a show of respect.  Instead, Tajiri gave Rey a face full of green mist and walked out to boos.  Hey, now we can do Eddie/Tajiri rematches again, if we want! 
• Our main event tonight is a promo.  How RAW-like!  This one starts with Vince McMahon coming out and announcing that it is a done deal:  in two weeks, SD! will be main evented by Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar in a 60 Minute Iron Man Match (whoa!).  Further more, Brock Lesnar and his Inner Animal are still here tonight... in fact, he's up in a SkyBox, where he reveals that he's holding a wheel-chair-bound Zach Gowen hostage.  Zach takes a beating in and out of the chair, then gets stuffed back on the chair.... and wheeled down a flight of stairs in a wicked-looking bump.  That's where the show will end tomorrow (live crowd got a "happy ending" with Vince's buddy Big Show getting scared off by a run-in from Rey).

Two good matches on this show, and two more good ones (one a PPV-caliber, possible Match of the Year candidate Iron Man Match) set up for the future...  sounds like another week of SD! taking care of business.  Check it out tomorrow night on UPN, or come on back here to OO on Friday for full results and analysis. 

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

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