by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

And it looks like they'll be taking advantage of that opportunity, based on tapings for tomorrow night's SD!.  If you want to keep the surprises intact, just hit BACK now.  Otherwise, read on for the results to the rest of WWE's programming for this week.

Here goes:

WWE Sunday Night Heat
(Taped Monday, Airs Sunday)

• Val Venis beat Stevie Richards
• Hurricane and Rosey beat Two Guys
• Jonathan Coachmen did an in-ring promo, claiming to be "RAW's Official Booker Review."  He has a few choice words for Lita's new book, which of course results in Lita coming out.  She attacks Coach, who runs away like a little girl.
• Rico beat Tommy Dreamer, thanks in no small part to Miss Jackie.

WWE Velocity
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Saturday)

• Josh Matthews was joined by.... Michael Cole?  Yep, Cole was Tazz's hand picked replacement.
• Orlando Jordan beat Shannon Moore.
• Spanky Kendrick and Paul London beat Two Guys.
• The FBI defeated Rey Mysterio, Billy Kidman, and Ultimo Dragon in a good match.  Palumbo pins Dragon for the finish.

WWE SmackDown!
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Thursday)

• An in-ring promo by Tazz was probably just for the live crowd; just in case, I'll tell you that he hyped the announcement of a new GM tonight on SD!
• The apparent start of the as-aired show is going to be a video package covering Vince/Steph, which segues directly into the SD! theme, and then into Vince McMahon and Sable hitting the ring for a promo.  First Vince boasts about sending Stephanie packing, and then about his virility after the match.  And then he announces that it's time to bring out a new General Manager, one he has hand-picked.  It's.... PAUL HEYMAN.  Big "Hey, It's That Guy" pop for Paul, but then boos as he settled in and started talking.  Heyman asserts his authority over all things SD!, which brings out the Undertaker, who wants it noted that this is His Yard.  Heyman says, "Fine, you can make any match you want, against anyone you want."  But, Heyman says, only if you can win a match tonight against BOTH Brock Lesnar and the Big Show.  D'oh.
• Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit vs. A-Train/John Cena went to a no decision.  The match fell apart when Benoit attempted to use a chair on A-Train, but instead hit Angle.  Given the history between the two, Angle opted to immediately start brawling with Benoit, instead of giving him the benefit of the doubt.  A full army of officials tries to break the two up, with limited success.
• Earlier today: Jamie Noble was with Nidia, and he announces that after Tajiri's Death Mist last week, Nidia won't be back for several weeks.  Hmmm... well, at least I feel safe saying that there's no reason Nidia need be suffering the same ailment that kept Shaniqua on the shelf for a few weeks....
• Backstage: Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas are looking forward to a tag title match tonight against Los Guerreros... but Paul Heyman walks in and decides to change things around.  Since Benjamin and Haas did not treat Heyman well in the break up of Team Angle, he figures he'll cut them no favors now.  Benjamin and Haas are out of the tag title match:  instead, they will face Rikishi and a Mystery Partner.  And the Bashams will get the tag title match.
• Rikishi and the returning Scotty 2 Hotty beat Haas and Benjamin.  Fun match, and crowd was ultra hot for the Worm and the Stinkface, both of which were brought out en route to the clean win.  During the post-match dance party, it is revealed that Vince McMahon and Sable are taking in the show from up in a SkyBox; the two even bust a few alleged moves along with Scotty and Rikishi.
• SkyBox Theatre: Vince is leaving the Sky Box, but Undertaker stops him with a few threatening words.  Basically, this is an excuse for Taker to tell Vince "Stick around, you might want to watch my match later tonight."
• The Basham Boys beat Los Guerreros for the WWE Tag Team Titles.  Good match, and the Bashams managed to out-cheat the Guerreros (foreign object shot won it) for the title victory.  After the match, Shaniqua cut an interview short, leading her boys to a post-match "celebration."
• Tajiri beat Zach Gowen.  Another good-but-short spot-fest with Zach.  He seemed to be rallying late, with a chance to pick up his second singles win, but he missed the moonsault, and was kicked into oblivion soon afterward.  The Yakuza (Yang and Sakoda) came to the ring after the match to celebrate with Tajiri.
• Backstage: Big Show and Brock Lesnar are getting ready for the main event against Taker, and predictably, they start bickering over who needs to bust ass and carry his share tonight, which even leads to Show saying he wouldn't mind going after Lesnar's title.
• Earlier today:  Bob Holly cut a promo saying he's finally getting ready to come back from neck injury.  A neck injury caused by Brock Lesnar.  And when Bob comes back, he's coming after Lesnar, and it ain't gonna be to play pinochle: he promises he will end Brock Lesnar's young career.  Hardcore Holly:  Coming Soon to the SmackDown! Near You.  Please, try to contain your excitement.
• In the main event, Undertaker beat Brock Lesnar and Big Show, and had to jump through many hoops to get it done.  First, Taker managed to get a pinfall on Big Show by chokeslamming him off the top rope.  But Paul Heyman showed up and said, "Oops, forgot to tell you: it's best of three falls!".  Jerk.  Show and Lesnar attack, and drag Taker outside for some brawling.  But Taker manages to turn things in his favor, and at the last second, slides back into the ring as the ref counts Lesnar and Show out.  But wait, Heyman speaks, "Oh, I meant no Count Outs, too!"  Taker is getting pissed, but Lesnar and Show are regrouping... they decide to grab a steel chair, and wallop Taker with it.  The ref calls for a DQ that would make Taker the winner but... you guess it, Heyman says, "Oh, and no disqualifications, either."  But the chairshot was enough to give Show and Lesnar the edge for a while... however, the no DQ stip was enough to give Taker enough of an opening to steal the win back. Given the chance, Taker grabbed his biker chain, and eventually used it to KO both Show and Lesnar.  Taker pinned Show for the second pinfall, and to earn his right to name his match.
• After the match, Vince McMahon got on a house mic from the Sky Box, and while he was talking, Lesnar attacked Undertaker, and left him lying with an F-5.  Vince's taunting continued as he walked down to the ring, where he said, "Fine, Taker, you got your match.  Big freaking deal."  He asks Taker what match he wants, and Taker just says he wants a Buried Alive Match at Survivor Series.  Vince, the only one in the entire building who missed Taker's intention, says, "OK, fine, you got it.  Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar.  Buried Alive at Survivor Series."  Taker, of course, corrects him:  it will be Undertaker vs. Vince McMahon, Buried Alive at Survivor Series.  Big Gulp of Extreme Anxiety from Vince, Bemused Chuckling from Taker, and we are out....

Sounds like SD!'s shaking things up, and getting a bit back on track after almost a month of subpar efforts.  Check out the show tomorrow night or come on back to OO on Friday for full analysis.   

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

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