by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

And who am I to convince you to change your mind?

So let's just dispense with the pleasantries and do this thing...

WWE Sunday Night Heat
(Taped Monday, Airs Sunday)

• Rene Dupree beat the Hurricane
• Tommy Dreamer beat Some Guy; note: Dreamer wore a LeBron James jersey, which was not only a prop in the match (cheap heat), but also set the stage for a post-match bit where Dreamer gave one of LeBron's posse his singapore cane.
• Gail Kim beat Jacqueline
• Rosey beat Rob Conway in the counterpoint to the opening match, probably setting up the obvious Heat-exclusive tag feud you've all been dying to see

WWE Velocity
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Saturday)

• Dark matches were Rhyno and Horshu (UPW worker who has been getting a serious look from WWE based on the fact that he is big) beat two guys... and Orlando Jordan beat some other guy.
• Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin beat Funkai and Billy Kidman
• Sean O'Haire beat Some Guy
• Spanky and Paul London beat Shannon Moore and Kanyon; no sign of Matt Hardy, again...
• Rikishi beat Chuck Palumbo... both Scotty and Johnny the Bull figured into the match

WWE SmackDown!
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Thursday)

• Start off directly with a wrestling match, as John Cena beat Rey Mysterio Jr.  Even though he heeled during his pre-match rap, Cena still got healthy cheers throughout the match, too.  Cena countered the West Coast Pop to hit the F-U and get the pinfall win.  Good opener, sayeth the reporters.
• And then, angle time:  Paul Heyman led Brock Lesnar, Big Show, Matt Morgan, and Nathan Jones down to the ring, and officially invited John Cena to join Team Lesnar.  But, to a big pop, Cena declined, saying that he didn't think this was quite his bag...  and apparently, Heyman must have been anticipating that response, because A-Train suddenly came in and attacked Cena from behind.  The rest of Team Lesnar joined in, and Cena had to be helped to the back by the time all was said and done.
• Backstage: the fill in the blanks and make it official... A-Train is the fifth member of Team Lesnar.
• Also Backstage: Chavo is again in subtle heel mode, telling Eddie he better win the handicap match tonight because he (Eddie) is the one who got pinned and cost Chavo his tag title, and now he can set that right.
• Big Show beat Bradshaw in a battle of Team Lesnar vs. Team Angle.  If JR was calling it, it'd be a "slobberknocker."  For the rest of us, I gather that it wasn't very good. As one reporter joked: if they're going to cut out 2 whole matches again this week, they should start with this one.
• Backstage: Kurt Angle is irate after learning that Faarooq will not be medically cleared to wrestle on Team Angle at Survivor Series.  Chris Benoit is trying to calm him down when Torrie Wilson (acting as messenger girl for Paul Heyman), arrives and tells Angle and Benoit that in tonight's main event, they will be facing members of Team Lesnar in a handicap match (Big Show, who already wrestled, was excepted...  dammit, that means that they CAN'T edit out Show's match).
• Video Package: it's basically an interview/narration by the Undertaker covering both his and Vince's pasts.  I'm sure it's quite nice, but it's not the sort of thing that people were falling all over themselves to detail for me in their e-mails...
• Eddie Guerrero beat the Bashams in a handicap match to earn a tag team title shot.  Chavo was nowhere to be seen, I gather, but both Bashams and Shaniqua were working against Eddie, so it was basically 3-on-1.  Finish had both interference from Shaniqua and an attempted blind switch by Doug and Danny go awry.  Eddie grabbed Shaniqua's riding crop and shoved her off the apron, and apparently saw Doug and Danny switch spots.  So Eddie went into Cheat Mode, and whacked the ref with the crop, and then handed it to [either Doug or Danny, nobody's sure].  As [either Doug or Danny] argued with the ref, saying he didn't hit the ref, Eddie rolled that Basham up from behind for the win.
• Vince came to the ring and did a counterpoint to Taker's previous video package.  Apparently, Paul E's pep talk from last week stuck, because Vince, on this night, was fired up and ready to take out the Undertaker at Survivor Series.
• Ultimo Dragon and Jamie Noble beat Tajiri and Nunzio in a good match.  No raves like for last week's live-version of Dragon/Rey, but still good.  Apparently Noble pinned Tajiri in the end, which means that not only does Dragon still have a title shot coming as a result of last week, but now Noble's got a pinfall over Tajiri to justify him getting a title shot as part of the "blinding of Nidia" feud.
• Another variation on the Hardcore Holly is Coming to Get Brock vignette aired.
• Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle beat A-Train, Matt Morgan, and Nathan Jones, but had to take the win via DQ.  Apparently, Lesnar was excepted, too, since he just sat down and did commentary for most of this.  Angle controlled some of the early part of the match, but eventually had to tag in Benoit, who didn't fare too well.  As the Face in Peril, Benoit had to sell such thrilling Team Lesnar offense as The Extended Bearhug of Let's Hope That's Where They Put a Commercial Break before finally getting the hot tag to Angle.  It was at roughly this point that Team Lesnar decided to quit playing by the rules.  Big Show ran out to interfere, and Lesnar would leave the commentary table to join in, too, causing the DQ.  Bradshaw, the only other member of Team Angle present in the building, ran out to try to even the odds, but the heels were running amok.  That is when John Cena sprinted to the ring with a steel chair, and started cleaning house to a massive pop (Cena and Eddie were apparently neck and neck for most popular stars on the night).  But the rally didn't last long, because Team Lesnar still had a 5-on-4 advantage.  The show ended with Brock Lesnar himself getting involved to turn the tide for the heels, and his team left the babyfaces crumbled in the ring.

By all accounts a very good show.  The opener and Eddie/Bashams were the best-reviewed of the matches, and the break-out face turn for Cena was a well-told story that had the crowd rocking.  Then again, we thought last week's show from Atlanta sounded like a winner... until the editing crew got their hands on it.

So you better just check out the show Thursday, or come on back to OO on Friday for full recap/analysis of the as-aired version of the show. 
 

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

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