by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

With that in mind, let's get on with the ruining of all the big surprises!

WWE Sunday Night Heat
(Taped Monday, Airs Sunday)

• Matt Hardy beat Tommy Dreamer
• Steven Richards (w/ Victoria) beat Test; Richards was the nominal babyface
• Rico beat Some Guy
• La Resistance beat Lance Storm and Val Venis

WWE Velocity
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Saturday)

• Orlando Jordan and Shannon Moore beat Sakoda and Akio.
• A-Train squashed Funaki
• Jamie Noble beat Some Guy (by using Nidia as a pawn again)
• The Bashams beat Los Maximos (from TNA) in a good match

WWE SmackDown!
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Thursday)

• Video Package: Hardcore Holly's story is recapped, up through 2 weeks ago when he won a job back on SD! as well as a shot at Brock Lesnar.
• In the opening match, Rey Mysterio beat Tajiri to win the Cruiserweight Title.  Excellent match, and kind of a surprise move to bring this out of left field like this...  Rey managed to dispatch Sakoda and Akio, and then pinned Tajiri with the West Coast Pop.  Crowd loved it.
• Following the match, Rey was interviewed in the ring by Michael Cole.  A minute or so of bland pleasantries and cliches was interrupted by the Big Show, who came out and acted like Mysterio wasn't even in the ring, and tried to commandeer the promo time for himself (and his new t-shirt, now on sale at WWE Shopzone).  So Rey snagged the shirt, and threw it into the crowd.  Before Show could administer too much of a beating, Bob Holly made the save and along with Rey, chopped down Show to end the segment.
• Backstage: Show got into a rage over what just happened, and Paul Heyman gave him a match against Holly later tonight for revenge purposes.
• Bradshaw beat Rhyno in, what?, match #4 of what I suppose is a feud.  The audience, even in Texas, could not bring themselves to give much of a damn.
• Backstage: Heyman confronts John Cena, and Cena wastes no time questioning Heyman's manhood, since he didn't go to Iraq.  Heyman declares himself a true American Patriot who believes in Opportunity.  Tonight, he figures he'll actually give Cena an Opportunity to win the WWE Title.  Sort of.  He's actually giving him a chance to win his way into the Royal Rumble, and if he does that, he might win it, and go to WM20, where he would face the WWE Champ, who he might beat.  All he has to do is go out there RIGHT NOW in a handicap tag match against all three of the FBI and win that match.  If he does that, he and his partner can enter the Rumble; if they lose, they are both forbidden from entering.  Good luck finding a tag partner on such short notice, John boy....
• John Cena and Chris Benoit beat the FBI. Cena came to the ring alone, apparently unable to scrounge up a partner during the commercial, but Benoit came to his rescue and offered his services.  Finish was a decisive double fall, with Cena pinning Stamboli following an F-U while Palumbo tapped out to a Crossface.  So this is who Benoit makes it into the Rumble....
• Backstage:  Paul Heyman and Dawn Marie are chatting, when Benoit storms in and gloats over his accomplishment to Heyman... he WILL be in the Rumble match, and that means he WILL win it, and he WILL go to WM20, where he WILL become the WWE Champ, regardless of Heyman's "No Title Shots for Benoit' dictate.  Heyman doesn't like being talked to this way, and decides to show Benoit who is boss:  Heyman declares that in the Royal Rumble match, Chris Benoit will start #1.  Whoa...  I'm not saying their bugging my communications or anything, but let's just say that this was an idea that, if I was gonna do it, was definitely gonna be part of my Fantasy Universe heading into WM20.  Benoit 2004 > Flair 1992?  Entirely possible.
• Rikishi and Scotty 2 Hotty vs. the Bashams for the Tag Titles didn't really happene, and was a no decision.  Bashams and Shaniqua jumped Rikishi and Scotty during their ring entrance, and left them lying, declaring that they didn't deserve a title shot.  Testify, Brothers and Sister!
• Kurt Angle made his TV return with a big promo.  He got a nice big welcome, and basically chatted up the audience for a few minutes before getting to the point, which was this: Angle is entering the 2004 Royal Rumble.  And he intends to win it and get back in the WWE Title picture, post haste.  I'm down.
• Bob Holly Memorial Unnecessary Push: A Billy Gunn vignette airs, and includes a promise that Gunn will make his super-victorious return in the Royal Rumble match.  Nee haw!
• The World's Greatest Tag Team beat Los Guerreros.  A really good match, but a bit on the short side, as it was more a storytelling device...  finish was Eddie setting up to win with a frog splash, but Chavo had to tag himself in to steal the glory.  He took too much time, however, and Haas dodged the frog splash attempt, and Benjamin followed up with a superkick that allowed Haas to make the cover.  After the match, Chavo got a mic and berated Eddie, blaming him for the loss and talking about how he was sick of always hearing "Eddie, Eddie."  Eddie, however, did not respond in kind; he stayed cool for a while as Chavo continued.  But as it got more heated, Kurt Angle (of all people) came out to settle Chavo down.  Hmmm.  He got Chavo to leave without it coming to blows.
• Backstage: Kurt and Eddie were talking.  And Kurt sort of took Chavo's side, which is even more interesting...  said it was OK for Kurt to enter the Rumble because Kurt's "doing it for the troops."  But when Eddie decided to enter the Rumble, that was selfish, because he should back his family and focus on teaming with Chavo.  This could get good...
• Big Show got a DQ win over Bob Holly in the main event.  A second anti-climactic Bob Holly main event, as there are even reports that people started to file out after they saw this was the final match of the night.  Tepid action leading up to the finish, which was Rey Mysterio running out with a chair, but getting cut off by Show... however, Holly grabbed the chair and used it against Show for the DQ.  He and Rey continued their beatdown to end the show on a "happy" note.  

Except for another anti-climactic ending, this looks like SD! got back on track in a big way this week...  great opener, Chavo's heel turn, great positioning for future developments with Angle and Benoit, all kinds of neat stuff.  Once we get past Lesnar/Holly, the SD! road to WM20 is shaping up very well.

Check out SD! tomorrow night, or come on back to OO on Friday for all kinds of recap and analysis.
 

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

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