by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

On Saturday, I rolled into a friend's 30th birthday party at a local drinking establishment.  Fashionably late, as is my style, I wormed my way back to our table and said a round of "hellos."  Then I announced, "Well, I guess I'm gonna go up and get myself a drink."  And because I'm a nice and considerate guy, I did a quick survey of the table, and asked "Anybody else need anything while I'm up there?"...  the first response came from my friend Al's wife, who asked for (you guessed it)...

A Corona.  I didn't even ask.  I just folded my penis between my legs and brought it back, complete with a lime in it.  It wasn't bad enough that I was confronted with my own waning hipness as I watched one of my peers enter the dreaded Over 30 Club.  It wasn't bad enough that this was the night where the clocks moved ahead one hour, either...  no, sir.  Let's pile on the insult to go with the injury.

All of 24 hours after thinking I'd washed my hands of the subject once and for all, and there I was, up at a bar ordering a beer with fruit in it.  Surely that was my penance, and now the matter is settled, right?  I hope you bastard entities who control the entire multiverse of time and space got a good chuckle....  cuz that's the last time I try to be nice and ask if people want drinks unless I know ahead of time the answer is "Not Corona with lime."

On with the wrestling news!

• Tonight's RAW has some mighty big shoes to fill.  Two weeks ago, the gimmicky lottery resulted in a very entertaining affair.  Last week, the brand put together a remarkable-in-its-simplicity wrestling show without the crutch of gimmickry: just a pair of really good matches, a trio of strong promos, and BAM!, you had yourself as fun a two hours as you could ever hope for on a Monday night.
   
  Following up with a worthy Act Three might be a daunting task, but it's also a do-able one.  With a RAW-only PPV a couple weeks down the line, the Fed can kind of shift gears starting tonight.  Instead of trying to do a fun show in a "resetting after WrestleMania" kind of vein, they can go for a slightly different vibe and try to get us stoked for Backlash.
   
  The loser in the deal may end up being Shelton Benjamin, who might be left out in the cold following last week's stunning upset win over Triple H.  There's no room for Benjamin in HHH's current, more-pressing issue (feuding with Chris Benoit and Shawn Michaels over the World Title), which means the creative team will have to find a parallel way to piggyback on the momentum of Shelton beating HHH.  Last week, I said that I hoped this did NOT mean that Benjamin wound up taking on another tag partner so he could feud with HHH's Evolution buddies, Batista and Ric Flair, but upon further review, maybe that ain't a totally horrible idea.  It's either that or forget about the tag belts for another month and let Benjamin do a one-shot feud with Batista that gets blown off at Backlash.
   
  Mostly, I guess what I've decided is that I'd rather see them keep Benjamin in an actual storyline, even if it is tag-based or against Batista.  The "Kane Push," consisting of beating random guys senseless week after week since you got nothing better to do, is NOT for Shelton, I don't think.  Sure following up with more wins and looking good in the ring is important, but unless fans have reasons to care as much about those outings as they did for last week's win over HHH, it might not matter in the end.
   
  And the reason why Benjamin's probably on the outside looking in at any kind of follow-up with HHH: because HHH needs to kind of step away and start focusing on his PPV match.  It's a rematch from WM20 against HBK and Benoit with the World Title on the line.  And as good as the Mania main event was, the Fed's gotta know they're gonna have to ramp things up to get people interested a second time.  Having HHH spending time on ancillary issues is NOT how you put some stank on a PPV rematch.
   
  One possible source of additional Stank: a ladder match stipulation for the next HBK/HHH/Benoit match.  Rumblings about that stipulation being used between the three first surfaced a month prior to WM20, but it never quite blossomed.  Now, rumors continue to persist that they'll use a ladder stip to enhance the rematch's marketability.  In fact, a recent article about Benoit in a Calgary newspaper reports the ladder match stipulation as a done deal.  I'm not sure exactly what storyline motivation you need to have to introduce the ladder, but I also don't care: the end result will more than justify things, no matter how clumsily or out-of-left-field the Fed handles things between the top three contenders tonight.
   
  The semi-main event at Backlash will be Randy Orton taking on Mick Foley in a one-on-one Hardcore Rules match.  This is another case of the stipulations being a much-needed addition to the match: for as much as we all love Mick, this feud just stinks way too much of inevitability.  Mick, who'll maybe be around a few times per year, is gonna have to put over the "Legend Killer."  I still opine, strongly, that they could have helped the cause by letting Mick and Rock beat Evolution in the meaningless WM20 tag match... but that's past.  Now, they're introducing hardcore rules to give the appearance that things could actually be in Foley's favor.  I liked last week's vibe a lot: Flair did the talking, Orton just stood back and looked nebulously concerned when Foley insisted on the stipulations.  But that won't happen again this week.  Orton's tonsils will be better, and I'm sure somebody will have decided that it's not good for his character development if he keeps acting scared of "Hardcore" Mick.  Truth be told, there isn't a whole lot WWE could do to reduce our interest in this match (Mick just has too much goodwill built up)... but it might be tricky to significantly increase our interest in the feud as something other than pure nostalgia and a chance to watch Mick do another selfless act and "make" his second member of Evolution.
   
  Edge's return seems to be clicking on all cylinders.  As the current bane of Eric Bischoff's existence, Edge has landed himself in a de facto "feud" with Kane.  Edge actually ramped things up himself last week by preventing Kane from savaging Tajiri.  Since they'll be holding Edge out of action until the PPV, I'm not exactly sure what the next play is here: I kind of have to think it'll have to be more physicality, cuz there's just NOTHING here in terms of meat you can build a promo upon.
   
  Chris Jericho vs. Christian is also hitting its stride.  Jericho busted out of his funk and cut the promo of the week last week on the Highlight Reel, and is gonna be a way more "cheer-able" character than his mute "All Business" persona was.  Christian and Trish basically just need to keep doing what they're doing: Christian needs to be vaguely slimy, Trish needs to be quasi-slutty and very thin skinned.  These three have essentially been doing skits and stories with each other for six months running, now, so I trust that, regardless of what precise role each is asked to fill, they'll do it comfortably and competently (as long as Trish loses the nervous pacing, anyway) and get us to what should be an outstanding match at the PPV.
   
  Beyond those four PPV feuds and "something for Benjamin," RAW does still have a little bit of room for introducing fresh stories, too...  the tag division is a horrifying mess (unless, again, you do something with Benjamin going against Evolution for the belts).  The women's division SHOULD be built around a Molly/Victoria re-match, with a revenging Molly wanting her title back to soothe the pain associated with the hair that'll be much slower to return; but it sure doesn't seem like they've done a whole lot of work on that front, so who knows?  Johnny Nitro (or whatever he'll be called this week) presents us with plenty of open-ended storyline options, as he might petition The Boss to sanction Benoit/HBK or to allow him to be a grossly incompetent referee again or something.  And if that little promo from Lance Storm is going to lead to anything, maybe you oughta keep your eyes peeled for any other suspicious behavior from Lance or other ECW alums.
   
  All that and Sheriff Austin (who I'm sure will be seen for more than the 30 seconds he got on screen last week), tonight on RAW!  Check it out.  Or if you actually have vested interest in tonight's NCAA Championship game -- I don't: no reason to cheer either for or against either team and certainly no remaining financial interest -- and give RAW a pass, well, OO will have your back.  Come on back here tomorrow for the finest RAW Recap in all the land.
   
  
• Two folks who you won't be seeing tonight on RAW, or anywhere else on WWE TV, are Sean O'Haire and Terri Runnels.  Both were released by WWE on Friday.
   
  Go back 6 or 7 weeks in my archives, and you'll see this move isn't exactly a surprise.  Thinning the diva herd and setting O'Haire loose to maybe find a niche somewhere else because nobody in the WWE system was able to figure it out for him was something we discussed pre-WM.
   
  But that doesn't mean you necessarily have to agree.  Going back three years, a ton of people thought O'Haire had mega-star potential, that he was likely the "crown jewel" of the two dozen WCW stars that the then-WWF decided to keep around.  No doubt, he had The Look.  Since one prerequisite of The Look is being pretty big, it made it all the more remarkable when he'd bust out a Swanton Bomb.  Guys what are 6'4" probably shouldn't be doing that.
   
  Unfortunately, The Look and The Move might have clouded our perceptions a bit.  The total package never quite clicked for O'Haire: he had the shiny sheen of superstar potential, but beneath the guy who looked like a million bucks and could pop a crowd with a death-defying finisher was an under-developing performer that the Fed never felt comfortable pushing out on his own.  It probably didn't help that O'Haire wasn't one of those enthusiastic, ass-kissy team players; he was always kind of a loner who wanted to do things his way.  The company gave him a try as Roddy Piper's henchman, but when that didn't work out, O'Haire the Singles Star was given a low priority by WWE.
   
  I'm sure a lot of fans are confused and maybe even a little pissed that O'Haire got released, but I assure you there are reasons why.  If he wants to stick with pro wrestling, he's one of those guys who could latch on with TNA and be a major star just because he LOOKS like a big time wrestler.  And if he finds his hook and persona there, nobody's disqualifying him from getting another shot with WWE down the line.
   
  By contrast: over the weekend, a grand total of ZERO people wrote in to talk about Terri getting the axe.  I'm not shocked.  She's been a glorified mic stand for coming up on two years, now.  That's not to belittle her value to the company over the past decade, though.  Clocking in at over 8 years, she had been the longest-tenured diva on the roster.  In that time, her phase as "Marlena" was integral to taking the Goldust gimmick from its off-putting and creepy beginnings and launching it to top-of-the-card heel status.  She was never the pre-eminent diva on the roster, either, but always did what was needed of her, whether that meant taking a memorable ass-kicking from Chyna or delivering shameless displays of T&A.  I am not without fond memories of Terri Runnels...  but nor am I in any way surprised that it was deemed her time to go.
   
  
• The Rock was all over the place late last week and over the weekend.
   
  I managed to catch both his Letterman and Conan appearances, and thought both were excellent.  On Letterman, Rock even got hit with some "tough questions" about early deaths in wrestling, which he managed to deflect quite expertly.  On Conan, it was more light and fun, and Rock even danced around like a jack-ass for a bit.  Both were well worth checking out, but only the Conan appearance has any repeats scheduled (I think tonight at 6pm and Tuesday at noon, both on Comedy Central).
   
  Rock also got the A&E Biography treatment last night.  Rock's episode debuted, and they also had it backed up with Andre's and Steve Austin's, so that made for a fun little night of veging out in front of the tube.  I'd forgotten how interesting the Andre one was....  Rock's Bio wasn't nearly as cool or informative, but it was still neat to see some of the stories we've all already heard recycled through new tellers (Warren Sapp and Michael Clarke Duncan were ubiquitous).  
   
  Maybe it's not as cool as the Andre bio, but it was still lots more fun than "Confidential" was this week (which was also Rock-heavy and took me all of about 12 minutes to watch on FF-Vision last night, and most of that was checking out the Bret/Owen from the vault highlights)... so if you got an hour to invest in your insider wrestling TV habit, go ahead and check out the Rock Biography when it's replayed on A&E on Wednesday night.
   
  
• Rock's showing at the box office?  Significantly less stellar than his showings with Dave and Conan.
   
  "Walking Tall" opened a distant second place at the box office, getting crushed by "Hellboy."  The Rock's movie made an estimated $15.3 million (and if that estimate is off by even a few hundred thousand dollars, "Walking Tall" could even slip to third place behind Scooby Doo 2).
   
  Not only is that the lowest opening-weekend gross for Rock, it's also the first time he's opened a movie NOT in first place.  Almost exactly two years ago, "The Scorpion King" set April records by opening at $36 million.  Last year, "The Rundown" spent a week on top of the box office by opening at $19 million.  Now, the Rock opens down at #2 and $15 million.  Probably not the trend you want to see.
   
  That said, expectations for "Walking Tall" may not have been quite as high; with a budget of about half of "The Rundown's," this go-round could end up being more profitable, despite lower box office grosses.  It'll probably depend on word of mouth and whether "Walking Tall" can maintain any legs against upcoming releases.  I'll say this: after an initial deluge of generally positive reviews, things haven't sounded as positive.  Critical reviews came in average at best, and a friend of mine who went to go see it basically said it was nowhere near as good as "The Rundown."  So, I don't know.... I'm probably back OFF the "rushing out to see it" band wagon, though.
   
  Next up for the OO bOOx OOfice repOOrt: "The Punisher" with Kevin Nash opens up in two weeks.  Heh.  Two years ago, Rock opened "The Scorpion King," and a few weeks later got knocked off the top of the box office charts by "Spider-man" (which featured Randy Savage in a bit part).  This year, "Walking Tall" will have to deal with another super-hero movie with a wrestler in a bit part.  Is that anything?
   
  
• I know we haven't been talking a lot about TNA around here lately.  Other than periodically updating you on the latest harebrained (and inevitably disposable) scheme for TNA to do a full-priced Sunday PPV, I don't think we've had a lot to say about the company.
   
  I place the blame in two places.  First, it's my fault for being a lazy sack of shit and not recruiting somebody to handle TNA recaps for us here at OO since Damien left.  But second, it's also TNA's fault for not really capturing my fancy the last few months.  I mean, I have a well-rounded life and hobbies other than wrestling and stuff, but for a while there last year, I was checking out one or two TNA shows per month.  However, I haven't been inspired to add Wednesday night back into the "let's waste another night a week on wrestling" column since January.
   
  I mention it because, if things go well, this might not be an issue much longer. TNA is pursuing negotiations that would radically alter their business plan...  they are talking with FOXSports about receiving a national clearance on their network of regional subnetworks.  TNA wouldn't necessarily air at the same time everywhere in the country, but a goodly percentage of major markets have a FOXSports regional affiliate, and in between your local programming, you'd get a weekly TNA show on the weekends.
   
  Then, with that show in place, TNA would likely eschew the mid-week $10 PPVs in favor of once-a-month Sunday night PPVs with a steeper price tag.
   
  Now, this move would not eliminate the need for signing the right talents and personalities and packaging/producing them effectively.  But I think it would make it a bit easier for borderline fans -- myself included -- to get into the TNA product.
   
  I look at it this way: I'm running this website, and you're reading it, which already distinguishes all of us as REALLY big wrestling fans.  But then I look at myself: I wasn't joking before, I like wrestling and everything, but there's other stuff to do.  There's even some weeks when I won't watch my recording of SD! till Friday or later.  Those are few and far between, cuz like I said, I'm still a giant dork and a mark and whatever, but SOMEtimes, there's weeks when I can't even dedicate two nights a week to wrestling.  TNA, in their current plan, is essentially asking us to make it THREE nights a week.
   
  You can argue that that's not true, because if I wanted, I could watch any of the replays of TNA's show over the weekend, at my leisure.  I'd argue that that's not ever, in a million years, gonna happen.  TNA as an "event," live and unpredictable, has a certain charm.  TNA on replay after I already know what happens does not.  Maybe I'm not as big a mark as I thought?  I don't know...
   
  Point is, there's a huge difference between building a third night a week around a wrestling show and being able to set my DVR to record a weekly TNA show that I can scan through when I do my fly-bys of "Velocity" and "Heat," and then maybe get fired up for a Sunday night PPV.  I don't know 100% for sure that it WILL work, but after two years of TNA trying this current model and never really roping me in as anything other than a casual viewer, I think it's totally fair to say that it's time to try something different.
   
  If the deal can be struck with FOXSports, the change could happen in June, concurrent with the company's 2 year anniversary.  Or at least, that's one scheme that I've heard discussed.  We'll keep on eye on this.
   
  
• WWE had a VERY successful debut in Mexico over the weekend.  The (mostly-)RAW brand show in Monterrey drew somewhere between 12,000 and 15,000 paying fans (WIDE variance in reports I got), and absolutely rave reviews.  Already, plans are in place for WWE to do a two-night tour of Mexico later in the year (adding Mexico City to the itinerary).
   
  Crowds were hot, and WWE's immediate interest in returning was categorized to me as a case where the company could kind of get the same atmosphere (and profitability) that they do for overseas tours without any of the travel headaches associated with hopping one of the ponds.  Monterrey was basically just Night Two of a three-house-show swing.  The crew traveled by bus from Friday night's show in Texas, and traveled back to another Texas event on Sunday night (there was a slight hiccup at the border on the return trip, but no big deal).  No fuss, no muss, but one really big, exciting show sandwiched in between.
   
  Four matches, in particular, were singled out as being of PPV caliber, which you don't normally see at house shows.  Shawn Michaels teamed up with Shelton Benjamin to take on Evolution in a tag title match; Flair pinned Benjamin...  Chris Jericho (one of a handful of guys who added a lot of sizzle to things by doing some mic work in Spanish) beat Christian in a good match...  a SD!-special was easily the highlight of the night from what I could tell in reports: Chavo Guerrero got a big assist from his dad to defeat Rey Mysterio in an awesome contest with tons of heat...  and in the main event, Chris Benoit made HHH tap out in a very good match.
   
  
• The final rating for last week's SD! wound up being a 3.2.  Again, SD! took a ratings hit even as RAW continued performing VERY well.  The 3.2 is below SD!'s year-to-date average.
   
  I think I mentioned this last week, but a possible mitigating factor: preemptions due to NBA basketball.  I know Atlanta was affected.  I think Philly was out last week, as well.
   
  I, however, continue to think that SD! is getting about what it deserves: RAW is sizzling, and SD! is not even trying to keep pace.  The show is clearly in a re-tooling phase, and you can't blame fans for noticing that, ESPECIALLY when RAW is so hot on a Monday night.  I'm more than willing to give SD! some time, and I again thought last week's show was OK if unspectacular, but sooner or later, they'll have to let SD! shoot off some fireworks the same caliber of which RAW gets.  Unless they really want us to believe Booker T's "minor league" shtick.
   
  You can get more of my SD! thoughts, as well as those of rest of the OO'ers in the latest Battle of the Brands.
   
  
• Some good news/bad news on the DVD front....
   
  Bad news first: the ECW DVD set that WWE had originally slated for a summer release might be pushed back.  Possibly as far as the holidays, and at least until the fall.  No idea why, and if you were using the ECW DVD as part of your theory about how WWE might be reviving ECW as a touring group this summer, well, maybe you oughta reconsider....
   
  The good news: I'm thinking that the ECW set won't get pushed that far back, because after almost a year of people talking about it, there is finally a concrete plan in place for a Bret Hart Ultimate Collection (like last year's Flair set), and THAT is being discussed as the Fed's tentpole/must-have holiday DVD.  I know this isn't exactly a shocking development, since we've talked about it here a few times in the last several months, but it's nice to hear about it and have a timetable attached, for once...
   
  
• You don't care, probably, but WWE has finally confirmed something I mentioned several weeks ago: the live RAW following June's RAW PPV will be here in Dayton (on 6/14).  These'll be the first TV tapings in town since September 2001, when we got a SmackDown!... and since that was before the current internet policy was in place, these'll probably end up being the first TV tapings in even longer where I actually have to pay for my seats, dammit.
  
  C'mon Titan Tower, I promise I'll leave MY "Orton Fears Jeb" sign at home if you comp me again!
   
  There actually is a change to the RAW itinerary that weekend.  Instead of the RAW PPV being in Louisville, it's now scheduled to take place in Columbus, OH.  [June is also the first time WWE is going to try to run two brand-specific PPVs in the same calendar month, and as far as I know, SD!'s later in the month is still scheduled for Norfolk, VA.]
   
  
• I got a bunch of e-mails asking about SummerSlam and how it was going to take place in Tampa, FL...  I don't know about that, as I'd heard that the Fed was pretty much set on running SummerSlam in Toronto this year.  Additionally, the e-mails I got seemed to think that Tropicana Field was the venue under consideration, which rings false because that building was scoped out for WM a couple years ago and dismissed due to various logistical reasons.  I can't imagine that whatever prevented the Fed from running a WM there would have changed in time for them to have held SummerSlam there this year.
   
  As for the venue in Toronto, remember, the only thing we settled on a couple weeks ago is that it's "Not SkyDome" (since the Jays have a game the day of SummerSlam).
   
  
• Last thing: thanks for all the feedback from Friday's You Are What You Drink column.  I'm glad you liked it.  But two more things...
   
  One, in the interest of full disclosure: the drink I dubbed the "Categorical Imperative" is NOT a wholly unique creation, but as I kind of thought, was based on a pre-existing cocktail.  CRZ actually wrote in to say he checked on Webtender.com and found a drink that was kind of similar, and thought it was quite apropos that it was called the "Dead Bastard."  But that's not the one.  By coincidence (or maybe just by virtue of the aforementioned birthday party), I got to hang out with two of the other now-departed founders of my basement bar on Saturday, and one of them remembered the genesis of the Categorical Imperative.  He reminded me that we adopted it from a drink in the ancient "Mr. Bostons" book we had, one called The Thunderclap.  So there, I'm not as creative as you thought.
   
  And two: thanks for all the additional suggestions and encouragement to use them in a sequel.  But let's just say if I was proud of anything in Friday's column it's that I resisted the urge to do "easy" comparison.  You know, like Eddie Guerrero and anything tequila.  Or Steve Austin and anything beer.  I'd have to come up with some more really GOOD ones if I ever followed-up...  and those stars may not ever re-align.
   
  And anyway, wasn't the point to KILL the topic off once and for all?
   
  
• Alrighty.  I'm out today.  Enjoy RAW.  Or enjoy flipping between RAW and basketball or whatever combination of those two things you'll be eyeballing tonight.  I'll see you again tomorrow with the RAW Recap....

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

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