The OOutlOOk
Shawn wins: 5 votes   --|--   HHH wins: 4 votes

But if I've learned one thing in my experience of being a wrestling fan, it's that Triple H always wins when it really matters. These past few months of jobbiness notwithstanding, Hunter always comes out on top. HBK will always be a legend, but Triple H is more than a little questionable in that regard. He needs the victory more than his buddy at this point, having tapped to Benoit and jobbed to Shelton Benjamin a few times. He's made himself look (gasp) weak! But honestly, does any of this shit matter? The only certainties in life are death, taxes, and Triple H victories against opponents of legendary status in major gimmick matches. Just ask Mick Foley.

Generally speaking, logic would dictate that the face goes over in this kind of a situation. But I think this is a bit different. Let's assume for a second that HBK was to win. Then what? Everyone knows he's taking some time off anyways; any momentum he gets with this match would be diluted by the time he was set to return. And yes, I know HHH is also planning some time off, but work with me here.

Unlike Michaels, Trips can play up a HITC win by the time he's done with Hollywood, and probably parlay into another title win. Because, let's be honest here, The Game has been a very good boy lately, jobbing to all the right people, giving the rub when the situation called for it, and even wrestling some great matches. So, like it or not, he's overdue for a big win.

Any way you slice it, though, this should be an incredible match.

Sure, it should be bloody. And it should feature lots of unusual pummeling. But it needs to be brutal enough to get Triple H off TV for a couple of months, and it needs to be interference-free to make Michaels look like a badass. Because the problem isn’t so much what happens in this match: the problem is what kind of man walks out of this match to face Benoit.

Michaels needs to kick Triple H’s butt hard enough and convincingly enough that he winds up looking like the real top dog when facing Benoit. If Michaels loses, and Triple leaves TV, then Benoit has a one- or two-month program with “the loser.” But if Michaels wins solidly and honestly enough, he and Benoit can have an interesting and plausible program that isn’t merely killing time until Triple H gets back.

Besides, Triple H losing doesn’t hurt him at all. He’s 3-0 in one-on-one contests in the Cell. Losing once won’t make him look bad. In fact, losing to the man who was in the first-ever Cell match, who practically invented the Cell “style” – a man who is a legitimate legend – is no bum deal. And anyway, we know that Triple H has yet to have a clean one-on-one title match with Benoit. When he comes back, he can punch that return ticket, and everyone will be interested.

The OOutlOOk
Benoit wins: 8 votes   --|--   Kane wins: 1 vote 

But I digress. In the ring, Kane sucks. There are no two ways about it. His best matches, particularly one on Smackdown! in 2001, have always been against Kurt Angle. And if Kurt can get a good showing out of Kane, then Benoit sure as hell can. This match will probably be far better than anyone is expecting, thanks to the Rabid Wolverine. And if what I think is going to happen in the tag title match happens, it will only add to the drama of it all.

The total lack of quality buildup tells me that Benoit is going to retain his title and go on to face the winner of the Hell in a Cell match in a singles feud… or perhaps his estranged tag team partner, Edge? Look for interference from both Edge (on behalf of Kane) and possibly Lita or Matt Hardy (to screw over Kane.)

But if Kane wins this, I'll eat a bug. Or, more likely, stick my head in the oven.

Even though I think there may be some interference by Edge (assuming there's trouble between him and Benoit following the tag team match), I don't believe it will lead to Benoit dropping the belt. I'd be shocked.

But now… now… uh. There’s no reason for Kane to win. None. I feel terribly sorry for Glen Jacobs, and I’ve long borne a great sympathy and sadness for the Kane character. But Kane has to lose. Benoit needs to march onward with the belt, successfully defend it (at least once) against Michaels and Triple H, then drop it to whomever afterward. Right now, it will do no favors for Kane to win it from Benoit, and it will put a stamp of comic accident on Benoit’s reign to see it end so abruptly and anticlimactically.

The OOutlOOk
Orton wins: 7 votes   --|--   Shelton wins: 2 votes

The winner is more difficult to predict than the match quality itself. What would I do? I'd keep the title on Randy and let Shelton chase it for a while longer. Would "Intercontinental Champion" be a nice addition to Shelton's resume? It could be, but Val Venis is also a former IC champion and he‘s not faring so well these days. You've heard of the guy, right? No? Exactly.

The IC title is only as important as the man who holds it; it has little ability to elevate a wrestler. Rather, the importance of the wrestler holding it and the length of his title reign determines the importance of the belt itself. Orton is always given a prominent position on RAW and he’s held the belt for an admirable amount of time in the WWE universe, and thus his title is important. Stick it on a wrestler without a real character (no, Cocky Kid Who Wrestles Well is not a good gimmick, dammit) and just watch him tank! I like Shelton and definitely think he is IC material, but he needs to chase the belt for a while and get a decent character before winning it. In other words: get this kid some mic time, stat.

Shelton got his ass kicked on Monday, and so general wrestling logic dictates that he’ll be victorious on the PPV. But the fun is in the chase, and he has a legitimate excuse for losing after the beatdown he took from Evolution. Shelton wins the belt by Summerslam, but this isn't his night.

Thus, in the meantime, I think WWE gives Orton the win, as a check to Benjamin’s streak of trouncing Evolution. And I get the niggling feeling that Orton will keep getting wins after that, because it’s hard to keep him vital and keep the patina of excellence around him without constant victories. (WWE hasn’t made Orton much of anything other than a streak of victories. Take winning away from him, and what does he have? They’ve booked themselves into a corner.) Sad to say, I see Benjamin jobbing here and then setting off on an undynamic downhill course. Pity Benjamin, but, for now, Orton getting the pin makes for a more interesting match, pay-per-view and story arc. Whether the arc comes back to bless Benjamin is a different worry for a different day.

The only way I could see this match putting a little mustard on a future Orton/Benjamin or Evolution/Benjamin feud is if Orton has help for his win (probably Batista). Batista could sidetrack Benjamin for at least one more pay-per-view match before a payoff match with Orton. Of course, I’m just speculating, and not terribly confidently.

The OOutlOOk
La Resistance wins: 9 votes 
Benoit/Edge win: 0 votes

This match will not be long, especially when you consider the load he has to carry later on the same night. It isn't on the show to display some quality wrestling; it's there to tell a story instead. And I'm damn sure that the story will be an Edge heel turn. Another loss may make Edge snap and attack his former partner later on in the night, but the more compelling story is to have him turn in the middle of the match and kick the crap out of Benoit before he has to face Kane. Smell the drama!

Edge will shoulder the bulk of the work and look good doing it. Unless he's in the ring with the Suckiness Known as Sylvan Grenier, that is. Three of the four guys here can really go in the ring, so I’m expecting something short but mighty sweet, with a killer plot twist at the end. WWE really needs to take this opportunity to turn Edge into a vengeful, psychotic, sadistic fucker. La Resistance wins, and Edge gets a vicious beatdown on his former partner.

Anyways, that should tell you how I think this match will probably go down. A botched move by the faces leads to a La Resistance win.

I’m going to go with Occam’s Razor here and say that La Resistance wins. Edge and Benoit are better commodities as singles wrestlers (Benoit more so). They both are “Division Killers” in that Raw really has an under-developed tag-team picture, with no teams that can compete on a name-recognition or basic knee-jerk credibility level. Finally, their winning again doesn’t do much for them.

Now, personally I’m in no rush to see WWE pull the trigger on yet another La Resistance title run (even if La Resistance has different members). At last year’s Bad Blood, I was already sick of La Resistance. I suspect that there are many WWE fans who are still in the same boat with me.

Still, La Resistance could use the belt and the justification for their continued existence. Also, the Raw tag division could use actual tag-team wrestlers as champs, because then the champions don’t so drastically overshadow their competitors. Also, La Resistance seem more likely to drop the strap at any moment, which makes the division a little bit livelier. At this point, it needs all the liveliness it can get.

My only thought on how the match plays out is this: Kane interference. If WWE wants to put a little more heat on Kane v. Benoit for the title, Kane should cost Benoit the tag title. And he should do it intelligently. None of this “run in right at the beginning” nonsense. Kane should let Benoit wrestle and get tired. Let him go for ten minutes. Then, when it appears Benoit is about to get the win, Kane can bump the ref and clobber Benoit with a chairshot. I’m not one who likes blood for blood’s sake, but Benoit laid out and busted open at the beginning of the show would make for a good visual. It would then add drama to his title match (something the match sorely needs) and allow him to get busted open again during that.

Simply put: the guy who couldn’t stop Kane on Raw, and who then got knocked out and bloodied by him, is a more compelling underdog character than “newly crowned tag champ who now has another match.” The inexplicable underdog vibe is what has sustained Benoit from the Royal Rumble until now. Dramatically, he may be a one-trick pony. But it’s still a pretty entertaining and engrossing trick. There’s no reason not to use it again here. Have him get bloodied and lose, then have him win when it really counts. If anything, that could be parleyed into a squabble between Benoit and Edge. Both of them could use a little more bile and darkness in their characters.

The OOutlOOk
Eugene wins: 5 votes   --|--   Coach wins: 4 votes

Coach is a great smarmy heel, and Eugene is an excellent comedic character. Despite his chops in the ring, I'll be extremely disappointed if there is more wrestling than comedy. This has the potential to be one of the funniest things wrestling fans have seen in years.

Eugene has been on such a roll as of late that he must be brought to a screeching halt (WWE logic, remember?) And who better to do that than a non-wrestler? Actually, I hope that Coach wins to keep this whole thing going, because I'd like to see more of it. Regal should be at ringside; look for him to grow continually pissed off at Bischoff for his treatment of Eugene. The day when Regal finally beats the crap out of Bischoff will be glorious, indeed.

I like both Eugene and Coach and have enough faith in them to put on a fun, entertaining little match. Do these guys deserve to be in the main spot? Of course not. But nothing wrong with the milking the Eugene character for all its worth…

Basically, I see WWE pushing full-speed ahead with Project Eugene and giving him the pinfall. This match can have all sorts of shenanigans and interference; there can be promos and backstage segments. Regal may even involve himself unequivocally as heel or face. But when it comes right down to it: people like Eugene, but another month of Eugene v. Coach is not something people will like.

My biggest worry about this match is that WWE will jump the gun on a Eugene v. Regal feud. That would be a shame, because I’d like to see Eugene grab more independent victories before going toe-to-toe with his sometime “protector.” I think WWE and the fans can coast for another month or two with Eugene beating small-potatoes opponents. Only after he’s established as really and truly talented will a mat-wrestling clinic between Regal and him seem plausible and must-see.

The OOutlOOk
Lita wins: 5 votes   --|--   Gail wins: 2 votes 
Victoria wins: 1 votes   --|--   Trish wins: 1 vote

So here's how I looked at this:

Ÿ         Trish can’t win, because her time and energy should be spent as Tyson Tomko's sole source of heat.

Ÿ         Victoria is extremely weak as a babyface now that she’s lost any semblance of her former character.

Ÿ         Lita has been getting lots of airtime lately in a crappy storyline.

Ÿ         Gail can have a pretty good match with Lita, as shown on Monday.

The conclusion? Lita wins, and goes on to feud with Gail. Yeah, I don’t get it either. Lita's title win will somehow figure into her aforementioned crappy storyline with Kane, and Lawler will continue his bid for Douchebag of the Year with his commentary.

Sorry. Had to get that out.

Anyway, I’m going to go with Triple-Threat wisdom here and see this match as an excuse to effect change. Simply put, Victoria is a better wrestler than Lita and Gail, and she (new entrance notwithstanding) has gobs more credibility than either of them. That means that getting the belt off her is a tough nut in any singles match. To be blunt, only Trish, Molly or Jazz could defeat her in a believable fashion. But we’ve had too much of Molly recently; the fans don’t care for Jazz much; and Trish is busy playing the manipulative vixen with Jericho, Christian and Tomko.

So, again, Triple-Threat wisdom tells me that this is the best opportunity for Victoria to job. But to whom? Well, let’s face it, women’s wrestling has passed Lita by. Three years ago, she was the best, but that owed more to the fact that there were no other alternatives: Molly and Jacqueline were booked awfully or not at all, and the other challengers were abysmal. Now, Lita’s array of tubercular punches, hunching, gasping and nearly death-inducing suplexes and hurricanranas make her a liability as champion.

Gail is hardly better, but she’s still better. In a sense, she’s the lesser evil: she might be catastrophically bad at some point in a match, but, unlike Lita, you can’t predict which move will verge on murderous. Lita’s like a hit man: she has one killer move. Gail’s more like a full-bore schizophrenic with a gun: how, why or by what means she hurts someone is at least unpredictable.

I see WWE giving the belt to Gail and her Russian Roulette style of miserable performance. Victoria needs to lose the belt (and, of course, “GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO!”), and the women’s division could use a change. Plus, there’s a dirty rumor going around that Lita may be carrying Kane’s baby, or some such rot. Even if that doesn’t come to pass, her plate is pretty full with Matt Hardy and Kane.

Since I have to pick a match result, I’ll say that Gail pins Lita, thus keeping Victoria vital and strong for rematches.

The OOutlOOk
Jericho wins: 5 votes   --|--   Tomko wins: 4 votes

I don't mean that, really; my comparison is too insulting to Kevin Nash. Tomko is more like Nathan Jones 2.0, and he'd be absolutely nothing without Trish at his side. So we've established that Tomko sucks. We also know that WWE will make Jericho job to just about anyone. He'd probably lay down for the entire front row of the PPV if asked, even the snot-nosed little brat in the Goldberg t-shirt. Tomko apparently needs some momentum until Christian returns, but I'd rather he take a swift trip to OVW for more training.

Unfortunately, it always takes WWE at least three times as long as it should for them to realize that a debuting big man sucks and needs to be taken off the air. It happened to Nathan Jones and Matt Morgan, and it will happen to Tomko. He'll win, but be yanked from TV within a month or two. Jericho will try his hardest to make this match look good, but let's face it: it'll probably suck. My only hope is that he chops Tomko so hard he knocks those ridiculous tattoos right off.

But here’s the thing: we don’t know this Tomko guy. We’ve never seen him wrestle a match. Or maybe we have, and I forgot. The point is, he has yet to make an impression. And he needs to. WWE doesn’t want to destroy a possible future commodity by embarrassing him right out of the gate. Also, WWE knows that the payoff to this match is Jericho v. Christian. So why have Tomko job, just to get a rematch and maybe his heat (and job) back, just so Jericho can go on to Christian later?

And here’s the other thing: Jericho is practically Teflon at this point. It’s unbelievable. In the last two years, the man has won maybe one important match since losing the Undisputed title. In spite of that, audience reaction to him can be thunderous. He spent two years as a weak and almost guaranteed-defeated heel, and people were still interested. It boggles the mind that he has maintained interest in spite of almost relentless failed outings.

So that’s why I see Tomko taking the win here. He needs to come out of the gate winning, looking good and giving his character some oomph that the audience can care about. Jericho can job yet again, and the audience will tolerate it – especially if Tomko gets the win with Trish’s help.

The OOutlOOk

But I didn’t, and I’m still doing this. And as much as I gripe about the effort of predicting, I’m still very interested to see how wrong I can be. I never make a prediction out of laziness, even if I am disinterested. I try to thoughtfully examine all the possibilities, and my every guess is one at which I’ve arrived in what I can only call a rational fashion. (It’s hard to truly be rational with wrestling.) At heart, I really get a pleasant jolt out of seeing needlessly overwrought ratiocination get kicked to the curb by a match outcome… by some new WWE angle, by something that came out of the blue.

I hope I’m right about everything I’ve written here. That’s lots of fun. But I’m going to have fun nonetheless. And to all those who will order this show or go to a bar and pay to see it, you have my best wishes that you have fun, too, no matter who wins. It’s just a game, even if it is fixed.

I'm STILL holding out hope that the Fed hasn't forgotten Tajiri...  and that they bring him back in a role revenging against Batista.  Maybe when Shelton's playing the numbers game against Orton, Tajiri can make a Shocking Save?  But it's still 3-on-2, and Orton still wins...  Tajiri/Shelton up against Evolution could be another way to extend Shelton's chasing the IC Title, too.

But beyond that, I'm not really sure what they've got to flesh things out.  There are no other nascent storylines, and there's barely any reason to justify a Heat match, much less something that'd be PPV ready.  Matt Hardy vs. Garrison Cade, just because?  Molly vs. Nidia?  I dunno...  I think the as-announced card is probably pretty close to the total package this month.