But then there's this "Casino Zeal" website, offering me $200 in free chips just for signing up.  BUT THEY OFFER IT TO ME 400 TIMES PER DAY, EVERY DAY, FOR THE PAST FUCKING WEEK! This is not one of those virus/worm things, either, where I just have to grin and bear it because my address is a matter of public record and in a lot of buddy lists. This is somebody, somewhere, intentionally deciding that I need to hear about this shitty-ass gambling site almost 3000 times in the last week.  That can't be legal, can it?  Assholes.
  

And it goes without saying the Jon Stewart is a sharp enough fellow to drive the interview to interesting places, challenge Clinton with tough questions if need be (anyone who saw that kick-ass AMBUSH he did on the GOP "Rapid Response" guy last week knows what I'm talking about), and will also be able to keep the Entertainment Level quite high. So check it; honestly, what else are you gonna do after RAW's over?

Oh, yeah, RAW...  wrestling...  guess that's what you're here for, huh?

• Well, WWE has actually announced a couple HUGE things for tonight's RAW.  Which I guess is good, kind of.  Except that they only announced them today on the website, and I don't know if that (and the trickle down to websites like THIS one) is really gonna be much help generating an audience.
   
  Here's the line-up: in the main event, Chris Benoit and Eugene will team up to face Triple H and Randy Orton.  In another Marquee Match-Up, Chris Jericho will face Edge in a NON-Title match.  And, unfortunately for all of us, they are also promising a fancy Contract Signing deal with Matt Hardy, Kane, and Lita.
   
  Right there, I'm betting that's over half of the show: two segments and 15-20 minutes each for those two matches, one segment at 10 or so minutes for the contract signing... by the time you add in a half hour of commercials and 10 minutes for Diva Search crap, you'll be tight on time.
   
  Although:  this is something I would have talked about on Friday, but I got sidetracked with the Hail To The Crap idea (which I'm sorry to say seems to be something I was a bigger fan of than you folks, but whatever)...  the Diva Search thing might be in the process of getting demoted in terms of importance.  I guess last week, instead of really trying to integrate the search segment into the wrestling portion of the show, it was just 30 second promos by each girl?  And there's been some hints lobbed my way that a detailed analysis of the ratings indicates the search segments are pure cancer, even if it doesn't seem that way on the surface.  [An example: last week, the quarter hour with the Diva Search promos was the second highest rated of the night. But it was the same QH with Regal/HHH's brawl, and the Diva Search stuff only snuck in at the VERY end of the QH, and then the next QH hour was the second LOWEST rated of the night.  You figure it out.  You can't? OK, it's like this: people liked Regal/HHH and tuned in for that in droves resulting in the high QH rating. Then the diva search thing came on, and they flipped away, resulting in the next QH being low-rated.  The pieces all fit, people.]
   
  So the point: maybe WWE is realizing what I first mentioned three months ago, and which I've thought SHOULD have been painfully self-evident three weeks ago... that this thing is stupid and pointless.  And that maybe they shouldn't be trying to waste Chris Jericho or fly in "living legends" or spend 15 minutes per week to try to convince fans otherwise.  Maybe this whole thing will just exist in its own little 5 minute Hives-themed ghetto every week until WWE gets the outcome it desires: the Playmate of the Year winning.  Wheeee!
   
  OK, but back to what SHOULD be emphasized and NOT placed on a back burner.  Obviously, the main event tag match is a very logical way to get your top two SummerSlam stories into the same ring a week before the show.  I remain almost completely unsold on Benoit/Orton as a PPV main event, remain extremely confident that there are better ways to get Orton where the Fed wants him to be, but whatever: we're gonna do this JBL-style and just push ahead like idiots even though absolutely NObody is clammoring for it.  HHH/Eugene is a slightly more intriguing issue, thanks in no small part to William Regal's work last week (first with the great promo, and then with the sacrifice so that HHH could "show Eugene what was in store for him").
   
  I think it's telling, however, that even with Benoit/Orton and HHH/Eugene coming at SummerSlam, the more interesting ideas running through my head are all related to HHH/Orton's relationship. What happens if HHH pins Benoit tonight, for instance?  I still think it's awful that WWE is pushing Orton into this spot so randomly, and that HHH (who ostensibly LIVES for that title and has not yet gotten a fair shot at Benoit) is just letting it happen.  But again, I'm just too attached to my own fantasy booking, aren't I?  Of course I am...  more than likely, we don't get anything as interesting as a clean pinfall in this one.  A crazy schmozz is much more likely.  I, personally, think Regal needs to take the week off and not show up till Sunday's PPV, but maybe he gets involved to do something diabolically villainous?
   
  The Edge/Jericho match should be interesting...  the two have been on-again, off-again partners since Edge's return, but lately have been grating on each other.  First, Jericho eliminated Edge from a battle royale; then Edge ZINGED Jericho good on the highlight reel, and sucker-punched him a few moments later; then Jericho wound up colliding with Edge in a match last week when Batista got out of the way of a Flying Burrito.  Fans haven't been given any real indication of who's in the right, and who's in the wrong, here, leaving them to decide who they want to cheer for.  So far, the biggest positive response have come for the guy who is doing the most prick-ish thing (cuz nobody likes pussies!), although Jericho's fan base does seem a little more solid than Edge's at this point. 
   
  Batista is the third man involved in the IC Title picture at the PPV.  He's the true heel in the match, which means I don't think that Edge and Jericho will do anything tonight to make either of them genuinely heelish.  At most, some kind of accidental misstep might through one of them (OK, it'll be Edge) indisputably into Tweener Territory.  But that shouldn't stop them from having a kick-ass match along the way.
   
  Filling in the rest of the show:  there's No Room At The Inn for Rhyno/Tajiri vs. La Resistance on the PPV, so it wouldn't surprise me if (with absolutely no hype), the grant Rhyno and Tajiri the title shot tonight on RAW; maybe you can have their first defense come in a rematch on the pre-PPV Heat? Either that or do the title change on Heat and just inch the feud forward tonight....  in lieu of Trish being healthy enough to work the scheduled feud with Victoria, she's mostly had to stand by while her valet, the Lovely Miss Tomko, tries to step up and shoulder the load; and almost always, it gets them into situations where Tomko's wrestling Some Guy who just so happens to be accompanied by Some Chick.  I don't know if this leads to any mixed tag matches to actually pay-off on these scenarios or not, but Trish/Tomko have lingering issues with both Maven/Nidia and with Rosey/Stacy (the latter of which could turn into a tag feud with Hurricane and the returning Christian).... and as mentioned above, the only other real TV-ready storyline is the stuff with Kane, Matt, and Lita, but I'm so cataclysmically frustrated with that crap that I can't bring myself to do anything other than tell you "More Stuff Will Happen," and be done with it.
   
  Last chance for RAW to shine up its half of the SummerSlam card. I'll be honest: I continue to be very annoyed with the direction of RAW (Orton is the wrong #1 contender for the second biggest PPV of the year, and the "Till Death Do Us Part" match is one billion kinds of stupid), but when you announce a line-up for Monday night that includes what could be a very good tag team main event and what should be an excellent semi-main event, then I'm nothing but excited for TONIGHT, no matter how easily I think SD!'s four PPV matches trump RAW's.
   
  So check out the show tonight.  And if you don't, I shouldn't have to tell you that your best play is to just get yer ass back to OO on Tuesday, where we'll get you the full report, courtesy of the finest RAW Recap in all the multiverse.
   
  
• SD!'s ratings showed a bit of life last week, bouncing back up to a 3.3.  That's the strongest showing since the Eddie/JBL cage match, I think.  It also means that it was a virtual dead-heat in terms of which brand had more eyeballs last week....
   
  
• I gather Brock Lesnar made headlines over the weekend.  Well, not any headlines that I read, but readers in both Minnesota and Kansas City hit me with a ton of articles/links about Lesnar's recent antics.
   
  I guess in a scrimmage between Lesnar's Vikings and the KC Chiefs, Lesnar broke the "no-contact" rule and actually full-tackled a KC quarterback (which is doubly bad, since the QB is a delicate genius who can't be exposed to any danger, and they even give him a special color jersey to wear in practice so everybody knows not to touch him).  This got people hot.  And then I guess later, there was a separate dust up that almost came to blows between Lesnar and some KC player(s).
   
  The details aren't so important. What's important is that Lesnar's making waves, and for all the wrong reasons. This is probably the kind of fodder that sportswriters WANT out of the pro-wrestler-trying-to-be-a-football-player. And Brock's giving it to them.
   
  Then again, any headlines are good headlines, and if Brock's out of a football job by the end of training camp, this only enhances his mainstream visibility for a possible WWE return, right?
   
  Anyway, the Minnesota press slant is that "Brock is hard-nosed and good for the team" because he brings an intensity that might otherwise be lacking.  The KC press slant is that Lesnar is a no-talent hack who is trying to get by on sheer physicality instead of doing stuff like actually learning how to do a proper 3-point stance.  Take your pick, it doesn't really matter....
   
  
  
• Got a nice Hulk Hogan update from Ted Varipatis, of the NBC affiliate in Portland, Maine...  instead of summarizing, I'll just let Ted tell you about his interview with Hulk Hogan, since he took the time to write it up so well.  There's some very interesting stuff here:
   
  "Hey, Rick.  I read all your stuff on ONLINE ONSLAUGHT every week, and really enjoy it.  I have a little Hulk Hogan news for you that I thought you and your readers might find interesting.  I work for the NBC station here in Portland, Maine, and had the pleasure of interviewing Hulk and his daughter Brooke Hogan this past Saturday night.  They were both in Maine because Brooke was performing a concert with Kimberly Loche from American Idol at a water-park in Saco, which is a few miles south of Portland.  Anyway, about a couple thousand people showed up for the concert, and both Kimberly and Brooke sounded pretty darn good.  After the concert, I interviewed Brooke and Hulk on camera for about 15 minutes, and they both couldn't have been nicer.  Hulk is pretty much acting as Brooke's agent, and there was a VH1 special on last week about how Hulk is managing his daughter's career.  She's only 16 years old, but is already about six feet tall, and just drop dead gorgeous.
   
  On camera, we talked about Brooke's career and if she liked being compared to the next Brittany Spears.  She said she didn't mind, but Hulk said he doesn't like what Brittany has become.  He also said he didn't worry about the same thing happening to Brooke because she has good family values and a good head on her shoulders.
   
  Eventually, the talk came around to wrestling however, and Hulk shared a couple fairly newsworthy nuggets.  When I asked him if he would ever return to the WWE, he flat out said no.  He says he can't stand the direction the company has taken and that Vince McMahon has turned wrestling into some kind of bad reality TV show.  I then asked him what he thought of Vince,  and he had some very harsh words for him:  "Let's say I'm on a boat with only one life-jacket on it, and I find two people in the water who need help.  One of them is somebody I've never met, the other is Vince McMahon.  I throw the life-jacket to the person I've never met."  He said when Vince brought him back for his last run a couple of years ago, Vince didn't want Hulk-a-Mania to start running wild again.  He wanted Hulk to put the younger talent over, which he did.  He also said even though he was a heel and did everything he could to get the fans against him, the fans didn't want to boo him, and eventually they had to turn him baby-face at Wrestle-Mania because they didn't have a choice. 
   
  I then asked him about the highlights of his career, and he said without hesitation, Wrestlemania III and his match versus Andre the Giant.  He also said of all the wrestlers he worked with, he enjoyed working with Andre the most, although he did say that toward the end of Andre's life, he was becoming more violent, lethargic, and dangerous to work with.  He blamed American On-Line for the demise of WCW, and said Vince was able to buy WCW because without a TV contract, it was worth next to nothing.  He said it cost Vince only a few million bucks to buy WCW, which to him was peanuts.
   
  We briefly talked about whether he ever considered a wrestling career for Brooke, and he admitted he did.  But again, he hates the way Vince uses the women in the WWE, and says women in the WWE can only go so far with their careers before they have nowhere else to go.  He feels Brooke can become much bigger than just a WWE diva.
   
  As far as his health is concerned, it seems to be improving.  He's coming off yet another knee surgery, but he was walking better than I expected.  In the VH1 special, he was being pushed around in a wheelchair.  Anyway, after the interview ended, he talked off camera about how he'd love to start up another league to compete with Vince next year, with the backing of Ted Turner.  He says he has already lined up several wrestlers to join him, some of which are currently in the WWE.  He thinks he'll be able to lure some wrestlers away from Vince because, with the backing of Ted Turner, he'll be able to pay him better.  He also called TNA just a "bad wrestling show".
   
  Anyway, Hulk and Brooke couldn't have been nicer to me and our crew.  We took pictures with both of them, got autographs, and just hung out and shot the breeze.  It was very cool to meet him, and certainly something I will remember for quite some time.
   
  Keep up the good work on the website, Rick.  I enjoy it very much.
   
  Ted Varipatis
  WCSH-TV, Portland"
   
   
  Thanks again to Ted for the recap of his talk with the Hulkster!  There's some good stuff in there, as I believe this is just about as out-spoken as Hogan's ever been about TNA (though it's been well-known that he never had THAT high an opinion of the group, and his abortive almost-feud with Jeff Jarrett is as good an indicator of that as anything).
   
  And the dislike of Vince and the resistance to ever going back to work in WWE?  I'd be shocked if it really came down to Hogan never getting his proper WWE send-off, actually; if he came back to work for Vince after what happened between them in 1993-4, there's nothing irreparable about their relationship today.  But I do think it's interesting to see Hogan talking about this Ted Turner scheme...  that's another one of those deals that sort of tacitly known-about, but seeing Hogan directly addressing it and practically promising a talent raid on WWE once Turner's legally allowed to pursue this (it has to do with a no-compete clause he signed with AOL/Time Warner)?  That's VERY interesting stuff.
   
  We'll have to remain ever vigilant and see if anything comes of the big talk....
   
  
• Ryan Sakoda (or just "Sakoda" to WWE fans) was released from the Fed last week, or at least, told that his current contract would not be rolled over at the next stipulated time (I think this is the exact one-year anniversary of Sakoda signing his developmental deal, so the timing seems right for that to be the case).
   
  Sakoda and his partner Jimmy "Akio" Yang haven't been on TV for a while, and I think it's cuz Sakoda's been nursing injuries. Don't think this is another Rikishi deal or anything, but I guess there was some concern that Sakoda would be slow to heal, and thus, not worth the continued investment.
   
  And for Yang? My understanding is that this means another one-way ticket to OVW, to await another opening on the main roster.  I don't believe they intend to keep him around as a singles wrestler on SD!....   which blows.  Eventual tag team partner for Tajiri once Rhyno inevitably turns heel on him, anyone?
   
  
• A few readers, the ones who realize my aversion to WWE's official website's continued trend towards dumbness, passed along word that Kurt Angle was on "Byte This" last Friday (Thursday? whichever), and actually DID pierce the veil of smarkdom.
    
  Two different folks passed along an odd closing comment by Kurt, in which he virtually promised, no matter where they put him on the card and no matter what certain other wrestlers would rather him do, to have the best match of the night at SummerSlam against Eddie Guerrero.  The implication, and he might actually have said their names, I'm not sure, is that guys like HHH and Undertaker don't want Kurt and Eddie stealing the show if that match is supposed to be fourth or fifth from the top...
   
  You know what? I might have to go get a listen, but I say the more bluntly Angle phrased that, then the more power to him. It shouldn't be on Kurt to turn things down just because his match is slotted on the mid-card.  It should be on WWE to have actually crafted matches to put above it on the card that people care about more!  Or to just let Kurt and Eddie run with the ball, since the fans have decided that's just about the most compelling match on the show...
   
  The SD! "main event" is the only one of SD!'s matches I don't really care about (Taker/JBL), and both the two RAW matches that project to be higher on the card that Eddie/Kurt are not really THAT interesting to me (Benoit/Orton, HHH/Eugene)... so if Angle vs. Guerrero is MY main event, of course I'm gonna be happy to hear that Kurt realizes it and will be bringing it strong come SummerSlam.  This is Good News.
   
  
• This is apropos of nothing, but I usually get a few people mailing in with random "Byte This" thoughts, and I think it was either last week or two weeks ago that I read through with a certain amount of interest, as Molly Holly was the guest.
   
  She tried to sound as enthusiastic as possible about the Diva Search, joked about how the "Molly Go Round" has been MIA since she only hits her finishing move when she's winning matches and there hasn't been a whole lot of that happening lately, and some other stuff...  but the one thing I couldn't help but notice is that she mentioned that next month is the Annual Diva Photo Shoot for next year's magazine, and how she was really getting worried because she didn't know what to do about her hair.  It's still really short and apparently uncomfortably "boyish" to her, but it'll be fine by the time the magazine/video comes out next year, so she doesn't know if silly-looking wigs are the answer either.
   
  Then it slipped my mind until Friday, when a Very Perceptive Reader sent me a photo of Molly from very recently, when he met her (or at least stalked her in a parking lot, or something), and you know what?  If Molly invests in any wigs that are minus chinstraps and for anything other than comedic effect, she's wasting her money.  Maybe it's just me speaking as the not-so-proud owner of a Grown-Man-Crush on Molly, but she sure seemed to be pulling it off and pretty close to All The Way Back in this shot... and plus, it's a totally unique look among the WWE divas.  The Rick says NO WIGS.  And hell, lose them on TV, too; it was funny for about a month, now it's just distracting and an excuse for Lawler to Bring The Suck.
   
  Of course, as we've proven here time and time again, nobody at WWE cares about appealing to the prestigious Rick Scaia Demographic, so I'm sorry for just having wasted three paragraphs of your time registering my unimportant opinion....
   
  
• Another owner of a Man Crush on Molly is Shelton Benjamin, and reports are that he was looking pretty decent in his return to the ring at house shows this weekend.  He'd been out of action since mid-June with a broken hand suffered RIGHT HERE, in DAYTON, OH!
   
  What, no cheap pop?
   
  Anyway, chances are they don't bother throwing him out on TV tonight just because they can. That'd just muddy storylines before the PPV.  But just know that now it can come at any time.
   
  Christian's expected back soon, too.  And then Shawn Michaels around Labor Day (plus or minus one week).  Over on SD!, Rico is beginning rehab and a few wrestling dates in OVW and should be back in a few weeks, too.
   
  
• WWE's alerted cable and PPV distributors to its plans for 2005... and it's more BAD news for fans.  WWE is upping its number of PPVs again, this time adding in an additional show in January (which, if the current pattern holds, will be a RAW only show).  That puts us at 15 total PPVs for 2005, and the extra January show means that brand-specific shows will hold serve in 2005 instead of rotating over to the opposite brand...  I'm not explaining that clearly, but you know what I mean.
   
  Anyway, the show in January will apparently be held in Puerto Rico, which is kind of unique.  It is, as yet, not titled.  It'll be held January 9, which is four weeks after the scheduled date for SD!'s Armageddon, and three weeks before the joint Royal Rumble PPV.  There's also only a 3-week break between the Rumble and the SD! only "No Way Out," but then six weeks off before WrestleMania 21.
   
  The same bottleneck of shows that tested my patience and my fandom this year will recur in 2005, with four PPVs taking place in May and June, including 3 shows in five weeks.  I guess I could just reprint the whole schedule, but really, you can't possibly care about minutiae like this can you?  Just get the overview from me know, and worry about bitching up a storm next June....
   
  The Great American Bash returns in the same slot (late June), and October also has another PPV scheduled, but it's a regular Sunday show, not on Tuesday.
   
  A few other tidbits of information:
   
  The experimental Tuesday PPV in October is a RAW show now titled "Taboo Tuesday." It'll be held in Milwaukee, WI. WWE also has venues for all other PPVs through till WM21....  Portland (OR) gets Unforgiven... East Rutherford, NJ, gets No Mercy...  Survivor Series returns (almost) home to Cleveland, OH (but to the Gund, not to the Richfield Coliseum, if that dump even still stands)...  Hotlanta, GA, gets Armageddon...  Royal Rumble is in Fresno, CA....  and then No Way Out is in Pittsburgh (HEY! can someone in the A-10 office do me a solid and schedule Dayton at Duquesne for the weekend of February 19/20?  Thanks!).
   
  That should keep you busy, enough, folks....
   
  
• Oh, I got one more thing: for the first time since WM20, WWE actually has a full PPV line-up set a week before the show!  Good for them.
   
  It should have been apparent after SD! on Thursday night, but they only got around to announcing it on "Velocity," I gather: you can put Rey/London/Kidman vs. The Dudley Family in as the fourth and final SD! match.  And as I first started saying a month ago when I envisioned this precise scenario, I expect that one to be pure gold.  A possible show stealer.  With all due respect to Kurt Angle.
   
  So it's an 8-match card, with four matches from each brand.  RAW's line-up: 
   
  Chris Benoit vs. Randy Orton (World Title)
  Triple H vs. Eugene (Stip to Be Added Tonight?)
  Edge vs. Chris Jericho vs. Batista (IC Title)
  Kane vs. Matt Hardy (Utlimate Stupidity Match)
   
  And SD!'s line-up:
   
  JBL vs. Undertaker (WWE Title)
  Kurt Angle vs. Eddie Guerrero
  Booker T vs. John Cena (Match 1 of 5/US Title Series)
  Rey/London/Kidman vs. Dudleys
   
  Way I see it, SD!'s WAY ahead on paper.  Three out of four matches are almost certain hits, no matter what.  The RAW line-up, I'm not saying it sucks, and in fact, it COULD end up being exceptionally strong, but SO much is gonna hinge on the story elements and booking decisions.  Kane/Matt and HHH/Eugene are almost ENTIRELY story-driven matches, where moveset and workrate will figure in only tangentially.  And Benoit/Orton is rife with possibilities at both ends of the spectrum: another career-defining in-ring outing for Orton and an inspirational win for Benoit in front of his home country fans might very well be the Match of the Night.  But 10 minutes of chinlocks and an Orton title win could leave fans asking for some of what Vince is smoking.  
   
  RAW's line-up COULD be excellent. SD!'s almost assuredly WILL be.  It's all gonna be in the lay-out of the show....  and of course, I should probably just table all this SS talk for now. Come Friday, we'll be kicking it team-coverage style again for a big-ass PPV Preview!
   
  
• I think that's about enough for today.  See you tomorrow with the RAW Recap, then again on Wednesday with news/views/spoilers and the usual mid-week routine!