See how I can make everything relate to wrestling? And truth be told, when I first read the news, I had practically Fantasy Booked the All New Face of Late Night within 5 minutes.  It might take a year to work out the contractual elements, but I say let's get Conan over to CBS at 12:30 and make it clear he's next in line behind Letterman.  Then give Jon Stewart Conan's old spot on NBC.  And let Colbert take over the Daily Show!  It's win/win/win, baby!

Rambling because I don't want to face the reality of talking about the new World Champion?  You got me, folks...  but I guess I might as well get this over with:

• Fact: I was deeply disappointed and annoyed when Randy Orton won the World Title from Chris Benoit last night.
   
  Equally Important Fact, Even Though Orton Fellators Worldwide Keep Sending Me E-Mail Refusing To Believe It: I am NOT against Orton winning World Titles.  I am not even against Orton winning World Titles before the end of 2004.  I am just against Orton having won last night.
   
  Synthesis: this is a doubly frustrating situation, because rather than it being a case of Me Being An Internet Jack-off who wants some final outcome completely divorced from what WWE wants to accomplish, this is a case where we want THE EXACT SAME THING (for Orton to ascend to deserving main event status).  And I'm having to sit by and watch them blatantly miscalculate and force an issue despite ample evidence that should have had them re-assessing their position over the past month.  I like to think of myself as a reasonably sharp fella, who can have one set of tastes and tendencies, but who can also shift gears and talk intelligently about What Will Work For the Other 99.9% of the audience.  You don't see me get pissed off that Tajiri is not the World Champion, because I know that would never work.  You ARE seeing me get pissed off now because Randy Orton is the World Champion, and it SHOULD have worked better.
   
  I hope I'm making that crystal clear to all of you.  I want what WWE wants.  Those of you who can't stop telling me how much I'm letting my Orton Hatred cloud my perceptions, if you remove your tongues from Randall's rectum long enough to pay attention, I even want what YOU want.
   
  I need point to nothing besides the ostensible "climax" of last night's SummerSlam, where WWE thought they had delivered some kind of Breakthrough Night for Orton, but instead of the desired response (applause and respect for Benoit's Handshake of Mutual Admiration), the live crowd and I'm assuming just about everybody watching on TV shat all over the finish.  For different reasons, too, although different reasons that all fit together to form a very coherent illustration of how WWE misread the situation.
   
  Benoit fans don't want to see Benoit giving "respect" to a kid who (although promising) cannot really carry the Wolverine's jock inside the wrestling ring.  So they boo their hero for a forced and fake-feeling show of respect.  And Orton fans SHOULDN'T be any more fond of the finish: this vocal minority has become a fan of Randy because he's a DISrespectful mansard who kills legends.  He doesn't shake hands with them.  In so far as there's any reason to cheer for Orton, it's because of his track record of taking out stars bigger than him; his wide-eyed, chin-quivering handshake with Benoit is significantly more lame than spitting in Harley Race's face or throwing Mick Foley down some stairs.  Orton Lovers, explain yourself: if you came to like Young Randall for his assholitude, and yet also liked last night's finish, I simply MUST hear why...
   
  The only possible reason I can think of here is because you bought into this Destiny and Youngest Ever crap.  By the way, a couple e-mails in the last 12 hours have raised a very good point: the Youngest Ever Crap is even crappier than I'd led you to believe.  I'm weak-minded enough that I've let WWE get away with equating the WWE and World Titles as part of their masturbatory "youngest ever" storyline.  But it's actually a non-story once one stops to think about it.  The "World Heavyweight Title," you will recall, was created almost exactly 2 years ago.  I think WWE does pretend like it shares a lineage with the WCW/NWA Title, but come on... not even the densest Orton Lover really buys that.  It was a storyline invention to create a separate-but-equal title for the RAW brand in August of 2002.  The title that Orton now holds has only been held by: Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Bill Goldberg, and Chris Benoit.  So yippeee!  Out of that group, Orton's the youngest title holder!  
   
  Of course, this is unnecessarily douchebaggy of me.  My complaints about the flimsiness of "Destiny" as a storyline concept are much more strenuous.  First, it's just a weak plot device; there is no such thing as "destiny," and the best you can hope for is to create the ILLUSION of destiny by having an impressive confluence of an inordinate number of coincidental factors.  And if they were dead-set on this idea of forcing Randall down our throats as Destined For Greatness, somebody should have stopped to realize that you can't create the ILLUSION of Destiny in 3 weeks.  Which is precisely the amount of time and effort they put into it.
   
  They think they are creating a hero who commands respect; they think that fans are dumb enough to see what Orton did last night and equate it with Benoit's 18 year chase and emotional title win at WM20. I honestly think that WWE higher-ups believe this. We were supposed to think it was a Genuine and Special Moment when Randy received a handshake from Benoit and accepted the gesture humbly.  Instead, exactly nobody (or at least, nobody worth speaking of) bought it.  Benoit fans didn't because the attempt to portray Orton as Destined For Greatness and Worthy of Respect was so ham-handedly handled, so rushed, so random over the last month; and Orton fans didn't because they don't want WWE chopping off their hero's balls and ask him to suddenly defer to Chris Benoit.  For the sake of our argument, I'm creating only these two classifications; and yes, I'm a Benoit Fan, but again, I feel the need to pause and remind you this does NOT make me an Orton Hater.
   
  Other subtle elements further add to my discomfort over WWE's apparent direction with the World Title.  For one, they did everything in their power to make it seem like Orton broke on through to a new level, and to try to make him likeable. I believe they failed.  I believe that with the exception of one match against Edge 5 weeks ago, they've never even had a modicum of reason to think they COULD make Orton a fan favorite with the majority of fans.  And yet, observe: Orton won the belt cleanly, and with no help from Evolution.  Evolution was not present DURING the match, and more telling: they never came out AFTER the match, leaving Randy to "celebrate" in the ring with Chris Benoit (and Chris Benoit's music, which was surreal).
   
  Flair, however, was more than happy to come out and try to help HHH in his match.  And HHH, at no point in his match, showed any signs of behaving nicely.  Contrary to every ounce of good sense that any observer of wrestling should have, it seems that WWE is pushing ahead with the idea of Orton splintering off from Evolution as a babyface, with HHH continuing to lead a heel Evolution faction.  This will tank badly, people, unless they REALLY slow things down and get their ducks in a row before forging ahead.
   
  You need look no further than HHH doing ZERO nice things in his match against Eugene, but still getting cheered.  And as Bizarro World as Toronto's fans were, this is not completely anomalous (HHH has been cheered over Eugene and Regal in the States, too).  It's just my Han Solo/Luke Skywalker argument again: HHH is the cool one in Evolution, and whatever any of you liked about Orton, it's probably because he was hanging out with people you like even better.  HHH is the cool rogue and scoundrel.  You can even say Flair is the Obi Wan of the group: older, occasionally sounding a bit crazy, but ultimately the heart and soul of the group.  I don't care enough about this silliness to extend my comparisons to Batista, but I do want to reiterate my point from a couple weeks ago: the second you take Orton out of his asshole "legend killer" shtick and try to make him an Eager Kid Destined For Greatness, he turns into Luke Skywalker in this dynamic. And nobody liked Luke more than Han, at least, not after they were like 10 years old.
   
  I also think some of my thinking here is that it's widely accepted that it's just easier to be an over heel than it is an over babyface.  And not being a particularly strong believer in Randy Orton's wit and charm, I think you do him a HUGE favor by giving him the easier draw.  Book him as an asshole heel, and he's plenty good enough to pull it off.  Ask him to bring fans over to his side by sheer force of personality, and you're entering a danger zone.  I really think having Orton toy with facedom could be every bit as ill-advised as the way WWE "gave permission" for fans to boo Eugene by having him toy with heelishness, and will hurt him in the long term (much as Eugene is still feeling the effects of his brief relationship with Evolution today).  Eugene, minus the fun and as little more than a pawn of HHH, lost what made him a favorite.  Or, actually come to think of it... to paraphrase one of my favorite non-The-Me OnlineOnslaught.com lines of the last month: Eugene briefly became Just a Retard, and was no longer fun; he became, by default, Randy Orton.
   
  HA!  One to pass up a shot at Orton's intelligence, I am not!  But in this case, it all ties back together since my main point is that if Orton can't win us over with his wit and personality, it becomes a no-brainer in my book to keep him a heel, where just booking him well is enough, and any quality promo work he does is gravy.  I just really don't look at Orton, by himself, and see anything most fans will want to cheer for: no "cool by association" thanks to Evolution, no real spark or charm in his promos, and plenty of adequacy and competency inside the ring but no real ability to TOTALLY "wow" fans in that regard either....
   
  So you see where I'm getting the sand in my vagina: I don't think anything WWE has done with Orton in the last month has been much good at all.  It's fallen flat, at least to me. And worse, if I'm right about how all this stuff projects out, we have further miscalculations to endure as the Fed CONTINUES to not give Orton the best possible chance to succeed. 
   
  To me, WWE giving the title to Orton last night is just as baffling as giving the title to JBL: it's just that Orton has so much more upside than JBL that there was no reason to rush it before the timing was PERFECT.  In my mind, that involves Orton not even TRYING to play the face... in fact, the bigger an asshole he can be, the more convincing his first title win would have been if they'd held off.  Turning on HHH, taking Flair and Batista with him (because isn't the dictionary definition of "evolution" that the group should grow and change, instead of stagnate under the same leader?), that could have been Orton's signature break-out moment, and after that, fans would have viewed him as a main eventer at the same level as HHH and Benoit.  Now, all he is is the guy that WWE has pushed into main events, despite a complete dearth of public demand.  And there's just no good reason I can see to force something that you could have had the fans BEGGING for just 3 months down the line....
   
  Bored with this topic yet?  Yeah, me too.  I wish I could promise that I won't get all wound up and rant like this again, but as long as WWE keeps thinking that there's anything interesting or compelling enough about Orton to have him be the Champ (but also continues not giving us any of the interesting or compelling stuff), you should all remain at Rick Rant ThreatCon Orange....
   
  
• The rest of SummerSlam?  A pretty fun and fast-paced night, I thought... and misgivings about the finish aside, the main event actually was the strongest match of the show, too, so even that was not without its charms.
   
  I don't know as that Angle/Eddie lived up to my expectations, but that was semi-made-up-for by Taker and JBL having a better match than I'd expected.  At least up until the laughably-lame post-match limo-roof chokeslam...  HHH/Eugene was lots of fun.  The opening six-man was really good and with a finish that keeps the Dudleys' dynamic pretty interesting; Spike Dudley, diabolical ringleader, whodathunkit?  I also liked the IC Match, it was just a tad too abbreviated to really seem like anything that belonged on PPV, instead of as a quality mid-RAW match...  Diva Dodgeball was short and in no way insulting.  And though neither Kane/Hardy nor Booker/Cena ever really got on track, neither was outright bad, either; just kinda bland.
   
  You can get the full results and my immediately post-show analysis in last night's SummerSlam PPV Recap.
   
  
• A couple notes about the show:
   
  First, many people wrote in to tell me that I misinterpreted Cena's promo, and he was actually talking about "T-Dot" (Toronto, Ontario... or T.O.... or, if you simply must try too hard to be cool, just plain old "T-Dot"), which is an acceptable usage according to my loyal Canuck readers.  As far as Cena interrupting an Orton promo? I again can't help but wonder if this is supposed to be foreshadowing along the lines of Lesnar and Goldberg crossing paths backstage at Survivor Series last year....  or if it's just a red herring.
   
  Second, although Toronto was behaving VERY oddly all night, a few readers who were there live took issue with me saying they were supporting JBL.  They wanted to make it clear that they MAY have been booing Taker (may have been?!?  Seemed pretty obvious to me), but they were also NOT cheering JBL.  Rather, they got so bored with the match that they were doing the wave (which might have sounded like cheers during JBL offense), and also were distracted by a fan who got over the barrier and was dancing around on JBL's limo.  [All who wrote in about that guy couldn't believe WWE's good fortune that he did NOT step over the gimmicked portion of the roof, because if he'd fallen in, it would have severely crimped JBL and Taker's post-match style.  Or maybe it would have been a good thing, since then they wouldn't have foisted that nonsense upon us?]
   
  
• On the PPV Predictions Front... a pretty strong showing for OO!  We just about doubled our accuracy rating from last month's Vengeance, and smoked the Swine at WrestleLine!
   
  Out of 72 possible outcomes (9 columnists picking 8 matches each), OO hit 46 correct calls, for an average of 63.9%.  WL finished with a 57.1% hit rate on 32 correct calls out of 56 possible outcomes (7 columnists picking 8 matches each).
   
  Again, you can check WrestleLine for the full stats, since Denny has taken the point in compiling these results each month.
   
  I'll just quickly hand out the Individual OO Prognosticatory Crown to The Cubs Fan, who led the trOOps with 7 correct picks out of 8.  Impressive work.  A tie for second included Erin, Bulldog, and Immolator, each with a similarly commendable 6-out-of-8.  Matt and I both came in at 5/8.  Then Jeb and Danny at 4/8.  And Adam bringing up the rear for the first time, on a 2/8 day of picks.
   
  I'm relatively happy with my 5/8...  if I'd just checked my pride at the door and picked Orton over Benoit despite the myriad ways I found it an offensive outcome, I could have gone 6 for 8.  And if I had HELD ONTO my pride and my balls and not let Erin and her "too many heels" talk get into my head just before I made my picks, I would have definitely stuck with the Dudleys, too, so maybe it could have have been 7 for 8?  I would never, in a million years, have convinced myself that Edge would retain the IC belt, so perfection would have eluded me no matter what.
   
  Just realized this: WWE certainly didn't care about the Too Many Heels things...  in eight matches, six winners were heels.  And one of the ostensible faces was Edge, who was booed mercilessly in his match.  Huh.  Just an odd quirk, I guess....
   
  Running tallies for PPV percentages among the trOOps (qualified leaders only, meaning having picked at least 4 PPVs): 
   
  1) The Cubs Fan (.667)
  2) Immolator (.613)
  3) Canadian Bulldog (.608)
  4) Fonzo (.560)
  5) Matt Hocking (.549)
  6) Big Danny T (.545)
  7) Jeb Lund (.510)
  8) Adam Gutschmidt (.490)
  TIED FOR LAST) Erin Anderson and Some Guy (.451)
  [NOTE: Of 10 Qualified Leaders, only 6 have participated in every PPV and picked all 51 possible matches...  they are Bulldog, Matt, Jeb, Adam, Erin, and Some Guy.]
   
  
• Brock Lesnar played in his first NFL preseason game on Saturday night... he wore #69 ("Sixty-nine, dude!"), and I guess acquitted himself pretty well.
   
  OO's resident Upper Midwesterner, Matt Hocking, saw the game, and passed along this report:
   
  "I had a chance to catch Brock's first pre-season game with the Vikings, and I thought I'd pass the info on to you.
  
  -Brock played primarily special teams (he worked every kickoff) and did fairly well.  His duties consisted mostly of breaking up the blocking walls, and he showed a lot of good drive and hustle as he ran down the wedge.  It wasn't glorious work, but to his credit he worked hard.
  
  -Brock had a few good plays on defense when he came in on the line in the fourth quarter.  He worked very hard to find himself in every play.  In every run or pass, no matter if he missed his assignment or not, he was always around the tackle or the ball at the end of the play, which I found to be very impressive.
  
  -He needs to work alot harder on his skill set.  His method of working around blocks was to just push the offensive lineman.  He didn't try a single swim or spin move to try to outmanuever the other guy, though Brock is strong, he's still only as strong as an offensive lineman, and thus, he often found himself forced out of the start of the play (making him work harder to get into it).
  
  -In all, I'd say that Brock impressed me greatly with his progress, he is obviously working hard, and it's translating into effectiveness on the field.  However, his technique is about a year away from being anything remotely effective.  He needs to work on getting leverage against his opponent, making some moves on the line, and working around double teams.  Apparently he's become very popular among the team, and he got a great response from the crowd when he made his first tackle, but he needs to be more dynamic and less generic.  That having been said, I think he's got a good chance of making the practice squad, and if nothing else, he has a future in the NFL as a special teams battering ram."
   
  I was too busy rocking on the banks of the Muddy Muskingham River in Lovely Zanesville, OH, Saturday night to check for myself, but a bunch of readers also mailed in to say that if you have digital cable, then the NFL Network shows the vast majority of preseason games (maybe not live, but rotating on a staggered schedule).  So you might be able to see Brock in action for yourself over the next 3 weeks, if you so desire....
   
  
• If we were falling all over ourselves to underscore RAW's surprisingly low rating last Monday, it's only fair to give the same treatment to SD!, which tumbled significantly last week in the final days before SummerSlam.
   
  Instead of holding steady and easily being the more-watched show of the week, SD! dropped a half-point, and did a 2.7 final broadcast rating, one of its lowest numbers in recent memory and even worse than anything I remember from the post-Mania downward spiral.
   
  This means that BOTH RAW and SD! hemorrhaged about a half-million households last week. And the timing could not be worse, as they did so the week before the second biggest PPV of the year.  I don't want to say "I told you so," but at some point, somebody's gonna have to look at the top level title feuds and realize that maybe Randy Orton and JBL are not the answers....
   
  Some fans are still holding onto blind faith that a low-rated preseason football game might have hurt RAW's rating... but what's the excuse for RAW, then?  The Olympics didn't even start till the next night... SD! was only up against mid-summer crap, as far as I know.
   
  It'll be interesting to see if WWE gets a post-PPV bump in the ratings from fans looking to find out what happened at SummerSlam (but not SO interested in what happened that they'd buy the PPV themselves).
   
  
• And since that's about all I got today, I guess we close with a quick RAW preview...  VERY quick.  Because again, you can't talk too much RAW without talking about the new champ, and I think I've already driven that into the ground.
   
  Suffice to say that all of RAW will be very much post-PPV-reset-ish in nature.  Figuring out which feuds continue and which have been blown off, and so forth...
   
  Orton will probably gloat (and probably fumble a good half-dozen lines) with a generous helping of promo time tonight. More interesting to me: what do they do for his first challenger?  Do they wisely lay off this lame-ass Orton is face-ish crap and have Benoit come back at him? Do they push ahead with HHH wanting to get back into the title picture now that he's finished Eugene, only to find he must now deal with his Evolution mate?  Who knows?
   
  More likely, it'll be another go 'round for Benoit, at least if there's any justice in the universe.  Intra-Evolution trouble needs to be done slowly, and anyway, I don't think HHH is as done with Eugene as he might think.  At the very least, William Regal and HHH deserve to have a go, be it at the next PPV, or at least on RAW.  Or maybe Regal/Eugene vs. HHH/Flair?  Point is, I don't think that's completely over...
   
  The other main dangling storyline is Kane, Lita, and Matt Hardy.  I have little faith that it won't suck, but I have extreme faith that at some point, sooner rather than later, Matt will try to avenge himself on Kane, and will get savagely beaten for his troubles.  They didn't do the pay-off at the PPV, but Matt needs time off (possibly as much as 8 months, depending on what you read) for knee surgery, and the only thing that makes sense is an ass-whooping from Kane.  Maybe do a rush job on the Kane/Lita wedding, have Matt try to crash it, and have Lita's "shocking" turn and Kane's savage beating come there?  I dunno... and really: I duncare....
   
  IC Title picture is probably do for a reset, since you can't keep the same three guys involved with the same dynamic.  Edge retained by beating Jericho, and I'd kind of like to see those two singled out (doubled out?) for further advancement of their issue, instead of keeping Batista in the mix.
   
  Women's division is looking like it's finally time to move forward.  Trish is apparently healthy enough to get back into action, which means that they'll finally pick up the promising Trish/Victoria feud that was just getting underway back about 6 weeks ago. They jump-started that with the post-dodgeball brawl last night at the PPV.
   
  I actually think that after figuring out what to do with the Benoit/Orton/HHH/Eugene/Regal mess, out of which should come at least 2 stories, the most interesting thing on RAW will be seeing how they continue building up Tajiri and Rhyno for an eventual tag team title shot at La Resistance.  I loved last week's mildly-swervey thing, and as I said at some point recently, the way things are going, BOTH teams AND the tag division as a whole would benefit the most if they find a way to keep on milking this and NOT do the Tajiri/Rhyno vs. La Resistance title change until the next PPV.
   
  And of course, there will be Diva Search crap.  Contrary to my wishes, they did nothing last night with the Dodgeball thing to make any of the contestants even remotely more interesting than any of the others, and unless one or more of them suddenly decide to undermine whatever stupid ice-cream-assisted crap WWE foists upon them by just going off the written page to cut promos on Trish (or Victoria, or whoever), I can't see any good coming out of that waste of time, afterall.  You win, folks, I lose.  Except that later tonight, when you're sitting through Diva Search Crap, or wildly flipping channels, I'll be on a nice DVR-assisted Time Shift FF'ing right on past and getting my 2 hours of RAW done in about 90 minutes flat.  So there, *I* will win, and YOU will lose!
   
  Check out RAW tonight and see what's next after Orton's big title win... or remember: the option always remains for you to let OO take care of you, as tomorrow we'll have the Best Damned RAW Recap in all the land posted for your enjoyment and edification!
   
  See you then....