So maybe I'll just eschew both options, and brag briefly about how The Magic of DVR allowed me to watch both events, almost in their entireties and almost in real time.  I love that thing; 3 and a half hours of baseball, 1 and a half hours of debate, and I watched it all in 4 hours flat.  And still got the Daily Show and Letterman in before I had to hit the sack!  I don't know how you make do without it....

I also don't know how you make do without actual wrestling news in a wrestling column, so here:

• We being, as is custom, with a bit more of a breakdown of RAW's effectiveness... yesterday's recap gives you the Who, the What, the When, and the Where, so definitely, you should check that out for details.
   
  But Wednesday is when we pause here in OO to give you the "Why, god, Why?"....
   
  And as hinted at yesterday, I actually thought most of the show was quite good.  As I was watching, I had a sense of there being more segments than usual, like they were cramming in a lot more stuff than is custom.  Then, thinking back as I ejaculated the recap, I'm not so sure that was really the case, but there was still something about the show's pacing that made it seemed really packed-in-tight.  The longest match was 12 minutes (HBK/Xtian), and I think maybe the longest promo was the opener, and it wasn't much more than 12 minutes, either (but it was also like two promos and an angle rolled into one).  So without any one or two segments dominating the TV time, it just FELT to me like there was more than usual crammed in, maybe.
   
  Anyway, my point was that the fast-paced feel of the show and the general goodness of the individual segments is not to be ignored as I get into my analysis.  There was good.  But it's not nearly as fun for me to point to something everybody'd agree is good as it is to be the Lone Voice of Jackofferry who thinks something sucked.
   
  Cuz kids, WWE really REALLY annoyed the piss out of me again with their use of Randy Orton.  One week after they give us a taste of how the guy MIGHT actually have some whit of personality or something unique or likeable in him, one week after they tease us with a storyline that might have depth or intrigue, one week after they did so much right to address three previous months of wrongs, and what happens? We're right back to square one this week.
   
  Randy Orton has no personality of his own, so in the main event, he just channels Stone Cold Steve Austin and clears the ring of 15 guys who he is NOT feuding with in any capacity.
   
  Randy Orton's present storyline involves him taking a siesta from the World Title picture to focus on Ric Flair, but instead of building on any of the amazing depth and context of last week's showdown, Orton spends this week attacking Batista and making sure that Actual World Title Contender Chris Benoit doesn't get anything resembling a moment in the sun.
   
  And mostly, Randy Orton needs to slow down and have this push done right, and thought it might SEEM like pegging him down a notch to feud with Flair is doing this, the net effect of Monday's RAW is WWE SAYING that Benoit, Michaels, and Edge are super-awesome and top contenders to HHH's title, while Orton will be rebuilding his persona in a Legend Killing feud with Flair... but what they're really doing is pretty much making it clear that Benoit, Michaels, and Edge can go screw themselves, because Randy Orton is still The Guy and nothing will happen in the world title picture until HE gets to face HHH.  Using Orton the way they did not only belittles the feud with Flair (seriously: Orton attacked Batista, maybe threw one or two punches with Flair, and then spent the main event angle fighting everybody BUT Evolution), but it ensures that nobody BUT Orton can possibly get a fair shot at rising up to seem nearly as important as Orton or HHH.
   
  I dunno, it's just REALLY frustrating for me. And a lot of it isn't even this level-headed breakdown of philosophical reasons for not liking Orton's actions on RAW.  A lot of it is just the guy I am when I'm sitting on a couch watching wrestling: I *like* Chris Benoit, for instance, and when I'm watching a Chris Benoit match (even if it's a shitty one against Batista), I'm not doing it with a note pad and stop watch so I can regale the internet jackoffs with my calculation of Chris Benoit's Workrate Per Second Ratio.  I'm doing it with couch-punching when Benoit misses a move, and fist-pumping when he hits one.  Cuz I'm a fan.  And if I'm a Benoit fan (and if we posit that I'm not the only one), then how in the hell is Orton running in, completely unbidden, on Benoit's matches supposed to make me (or the other Benoit fans) like him?  Two weeks ago, he did it in a tag match (blind tagging himself in and stealing the glory of a win over Flair), this week, he did it in a match he wasn't even involved in, causing Benoit to get DQ'ed.  I mean, if he was SAVING Benoit from anything, fine, he's my favorite wrestler's good buddy, then, and I can like him.  But that's not what happened.
   
  In both cases, Benoit was not at 100%, but he was still a going concern in the matches, and defeat was not imminent. Perhaps it's just as simple as a matter of timing or laying out the matches; a little bit of something different in WHEN Orton sticks his nose in, and fans like me just might think of him as a Guardian Angel for Benoit, not a punk-ass glory-hound. But no matter where the fault lies, the simple fact is that WWE does Orton no favors by having him, twice in three weeks, essentially dick Benoit over.  Maybe there are more Orton fans than Benoit fans, I really don't know.  My instinct is that it's probably a really close race between the two, at least in terms of rabidly loyal fans (Orton might lead in casual idiot fans who accept whatever WWE shoves down their throats, obviously).  But in any case, even if the percentage of Benoit fans is less, is it smart or worth it to alienate even a third of your audience?  A quarter?  A tenth?  I don't know... it seems you'd have to marginalize Benoit pretty badly before you got to the point where making him into Orton's bitch is a good idea.
   
  Then again, maybe that's really all the plan is: Project Benoit is over, and WWE doesn't care, so they WANT to marginalize the Wolverine.  I applaud WWE for pulling Orton out of the Taboo Tuesday voting, but the thing is, I was advocating that they do it FOR A REASON (that reason being to actually have a REAL World Title feud in the interim, and to totally back burner Orton's title aspirations in favor of some honest storytelling with him and Evolution).  Instead, I get the distinct impression that the only reason Orton's out of the fan voting is because WWE got nervous that fans were NOT gonna vote for Orton, and they couldn't afford to have their Golden Boy lose face like that.  And actually, you know what? That's fine, too.  As I've said time and time again, I want Orton to succeed, and I can see very good reasons for not wanting him to get trounced in fan voting.  Saving face is good.  But taking advantage of this break in plans to do right by Orton would be better.  
   
  And on Monday night, that sure as hell didn't happen.  Clearing a ring of mid-carders and hitting a Climactic Finish Move on Coach would work for somebody like Sheriff Austin because it was an ingrained part of a persona that had spent years building up an incredible fanbase and incredible goodwill with fans.  It doesn't work so well for Young Randall Orton, because he's really only been around and in the spotlight for 18 months, and this behavior neither fits with anything from that brief past, nor did it have anything to do with his current events.  And his mid-show appearance was just as misguided (why you don't just have Benoit, an ostensible World Title Contender, able to beat Batista is beyond me).
   
  End of that rant.  I just really wish I believed that WWE had something resembling a long term plan mapped out for Orton, where they have a specific End Game and goal, and weekly markers for the important steps they need to get there.  Instead, I honestly get the impression they're just making this up as they go along, hoping that if they just do enough Isolated Moments (like these superman run-ins), fans will just be worn down to the point where they believe Orton really is the bee's knees despite the lack of an over-arching master plan.
   
  Briefly, about Benoit: Yes, I honestly do feel he's getting screwed here.  On a night where HBK beat Christian and one a night where Edge was a "difference maker" in a brawl and also cut a very good promo, Benoit got nothing.  He also got nothing last week, and nothing the week before.  My noting of this mis-usage has been picked up on by a number of readers in the last few weeks, and a few of you more creative types have been trying to come up with reasons why this might not be so bad.  Almost all of them revolve around WWE doing all this on purpose to set up a Benoit heel turn.
   
  I think I'm up over a dozen of these scenarios, now, after responses to yesterday's recap. And while I agree that we HAVE seen a past model of a babyface doing babyface things while heelish things are done to him suddenly being turned on by fans (Bret Hart, 1997), I'm not sure that's where we're going here. At this juncture, it FEELS like Benoit's just a forgotten man, not a part of a subtle and detailed plot to break him down, push him to the background, so he can come out and turn into a total prick by attacking Orton for stealing his spotlight and on fans for respecting Pretty Boys over Real Wrestlers.  Mostly, a Benoit heel turn predicated on that sort of material ALSO stinks of a smart fan wet dream, not something that'd really go over huge with the unwashed masses.  Not that I also don't see a certain charm to it; but I think maybe I'll only believe it the day I see Benoit leading a newly heel Edge and Jericho (and Christian, and hell, let's get Trish in there too!) as part of the most diabolical Crew of Candians EVER, eclipsing even Bret's 1997 version of the Hart Foundation....
   
  You see what I mean about the "wet dream" thing?  It's real easy to come up with ideas that sound good, but trying to puzzle out what WWE's really up to is another.  Benoit actually getting as upset as I am at Orton over the last few weeks sounds good to US, but the subtlety of it probably goes over Casual Fan heads, and turns Benoit's turn (and any prospective faction) into a flop.  Plus, doing that turn would be predicated on a Benoit/Orton feud (and if you do it Faction Style, then is Chris' Canadians probably having to deal with Orton, Michaels, and two others -- maybe Shelton, and part of me still thinks that even if its as a babyface, Orton needs to be leading "Evolution" which might make a Batista turn possible as part of evening the sides), and right now, WWE has way too big a hard-on for Orton/HHH.  
   
  To be honest, I'd thought a Benoit heel turn might be a viable option, too, and the more I freestyle ramble on this basic scheme, the more I might start liking it again... but a few weeks ago I was tossing some ideas around, and basically, I arrived at the conclusion that for what WWE wants to do, we'd probably be more apt to see a Michaels heel turn.  Just because he can talk, which means he can do it solo, and also because when he wants to be, Michaels can be VERY unlikable.  Whereas Benoit can only be Benoit, and that means kicking ass in a machine-like way, which might be tougher to play off as a heel when he can't really cut prickish promos.  
   
  But hell, I'm really getting off track now; I've had a few simmering ideas for Road To WrestleMania Fantasy Booking that took the form of a very cool little HBK heel turn, is what I'm saying. Because it kind of felt like something simple enough that WWE could/would do it.  Now I've got this Benoit heel turn and complete restructuring of a lot of the top heels and faces for Factional Warfare in my mind, and I almost want to think it through and do an entire parallel fantasy scenario that might be very cool.  But I'll zip it for now.  Maybe on a slow Friday, I won't just regale you with ONE Fantasy Plan, but two WARRING plans: Sensible, Safe WWE Style vs. Wet Dream Style~!
   
  For now, we finish RAWnalysis by saying that I really think WWE is mishandling the myriad cool possibilities that the Taboo Tuesday voting gives them, at least with regards to the World Title Voting (where two contenders really have nothing but months-old feuds with the champ to build on, and one of them is being almost completely ignored, and the one other guy has NO business in the voting, no matter what he said in his promo)... they might as well just say, "OK, kids, vote for HBK, and then we'll get you that HHH/Orton match as soon as possible."  That's what I'm hearing, anyway.
   
  Other than that: loved the HBK/Christian match...  thought all with Kane/Snitsky/Lita was about as perfect as it could be all things considered (the further we get away from Lita's baby, the better it will get, too; logic holes will slowly contract, and Kane and Lita can get on with things that are more interesting, like Killing Snitsky)...  not a fan of Carmella being given more work to do by WWE, but again, it certainly was a nice little swerve (and Eugene and Bischoff were both pretty fun during that skit), and I'm sticking by my naive hope that she just does the only thing she's good at (getting naked), and loses a Bra and Panties Match to Christy at the PPV, never to be heard from again..... and although I dread that Molly will never get her vengeance on Stacy, I think this certainly passes muster as a Women's Division Storyline that will appeal to most typical fans (I know I'm atypical), and Trish will end up being the one who eventually smites L'il Miss Oh-So-Pretty, all of which should be entertaining enough to watch.
   
  Again, actual details of what happened on RAW (and a minimum of philosophical theorizing) can be had in Yesterday's RAW Recap.  It's good, trust me.  Or at least, it's long and detailed!  YEAH!
   
  
• RAW on Monday did a 3.4 cable rating.  That's roughly in the right neighborhood, but continues a slight downward trend.  This is two weeks in a row of 0.1 drops.  And one-tenth by itself is not necessarily statiscally significant, but if you start to add them up, well....
   
  Something interesting: RAW did better in its first hour than in its second. Not a huge situation, as ratings hovered (with only minor deviation) around the central point all night long, but I think it's a pretty clear sign that any marginal fans who tuned in based on ads/hype considered Shawn/Christian to be the main event, and probably started wandering the dial once that was over.  It's not necessarily that Jericho/HHH isn't a marketable main event (although on this night, it was more a marketable 4-minute schmozz), but you spend a week telling everybody to get excited for HBK/Xtian, and when it's done 40 minutes into the show, it might seem like that's about enough for some fans...
   
  Another real problem: the entire final "regulation" half-hour of RAW was packed with such "action" as the tag title and women's matches, not exactly the height of box office gold, and did drop a ton of points.  The late start to the main event (as I'd noted in the recap, the introductions might have started a few minutes previous, but the match itself was ENTIRELY after 11pm, and thus, in the overrun, which did bounce back a few tenths) probably really hurt things in terms of late-show momentum.
   
  
• OK, so you folks know how I love to get MY panties in a bunch over people getting THEIR panties in a bunch over stupid non-issues that shouldn't EVER be bunching any panties.
   
  So this week, I bring you the latest edition of:  OOver-Reaction Theatre~!
   
  The story is this... on Monday, Ric Flair cut a promo in which he said that Randy Orton has yet to kill a true legend, which makes him "a virgin," not a legend killer.  Then, in true Ramblin' Ric Fashion, Flair proceeded to brag about how many virgins he had made "scream and bleed" in his many years, before promising to make Orton scream and bleed at Taboo Tuesday. A bit risque?  Sure, but not much more....  so of course, then the other shoe drops....
   
  And after the promo, apparently Vince McMahon and Ric Flair have a scuffle because Vince is furious over Flair's bad judgment.  Or so I gather from all the e-mails I've gotten in the last day asking me if it's true what they read about Ric Flair being fired.
   
  In true OO form, all I can say is: chill out, people, this one won't amount to a hill of beans.  First of all, the nature of Vince's outrage has almost certainly been overhyped and sensationalized, at least, if I'm getting e-mails asking if it's true Flair's been fired.  Was Vince pleased?  No.  Is he going to be punching Flair in the face or firing him? Not hardly.
   
  And second of all, a SECONDARY "chill out, you're overreacting to nothing" goes out to Vince McMahon himself.  It seems for once the head honcho deserves the cold glass of water in the face, instead of you hyper-obsessive detail freaks.  Because if Vince was even REMOTELY annoyed by Flair, then he needs to do a little personal inventory of his priorities.  This is a man who proudly presented the Cum Guzzling Gutter Slut Hour during September.  And now, he's gonna get upset with Ric Flair for toeing the line of good taste?
   
  Look, I made it clear after the Diva Search crap that I wasn't offended by the WORDS, I was offended by the braindead stupidity of the whole thing.  An eighth-grade grasp on the Dirty Talking is simply not amusing to me.  And on Monday, I was again not offended by any of Flair's words, but I WAS kinda amused by Flair's cleverness.  In direct opposition to how the dirty-talking divas were spouting nothing but blatant filth that actually had nothing to do with reality, Flair was subtly working an ACTUAL DOUBLE ENTENDRE (somebody alert Jerry Lawler that these work best when there are actually two distinct meanings to a word or phrase!) that not only played into his own onscreen past as a kiss-stealing, wheeling, dealing son of a gun, but which ALSO made a point about his current feud.  So he hinted at defloweration; but he also explicitly spelled out how his crafty words pertained to that soon-to-be-screaming-and-bleeding Randy Orton.  
   
  Please explain to me how, if you're gonna be upset about this, you can't have been given a simultaneous heart attack, stroke, and embolism by what happened in that diva search segment.  Vince, settle down, man...  it's not like Flair took it too far and decided to strut around calling himself "The Virgin Killer."  Because THAT would have been a step too far, probably...  although, I'd probably still have laughed.  Because I'm an asshole.
   
  
• Speaking of things being blown out of proportion, I think that's the category into which we can place the "Kane has given notice to WWE" rumors, spawned over the weekend by the Honkytonk Man.
   
  Yes, Kane is entering a contract re-negotiation, and yes, as others before him, Kane is finding out that with business down, he's maybe looking at less money than he'd hoped. And yes, Kane is also going to be on leave from WWE for a couple months this winter to do a movie.
   
  But NONE of this adds up to "Kane has given notice and is quitting WWE."
   
  One source even said that he's not even sure that the contract talks thing is even directly related to Kane's wrestling deal, and said it might be something to do with negotiating the pay for Kane's part in this movie.  So who the hell really knows?  Well, knows other than that this isn't something that we really need to worry about... 
   
  Let me put it this way; about a year ago when people started talking about Rob Van Dam and his upcoming contract talks and how he also wasn't necessarily pleased, the company still stepped up and did right by him, and RVD still came around and realized this is the best company for him to be working for. If it worked out with RVD, I really think things'll be settled and they'll work out with Kane, too.
   
  
• Want Spoilers?  Well, they're right here.
   
  As is my custom, I warn you that if you're cool, like me, you wouldn't want to read spoilers.  And I don't like people who aren't cool, so maybe you should just be like me, and just sit back and enjoy the show tomorrow night.
   
  Except, dammit, I already did the spoilers, and it's all ruined for me!  The sacrifices I make for you people.  And as always, in compiling the spoilers, I also added in plenty of my trademarked snarky comments and observations, so at least if you're reading them, you're getting Bonus Analysis, too.
   
  It's like reading (part of) Friday's OO today!  So they are DOUBLE spoilers~!  Enjoy, everybody!
   
  
• Next Monday, I'd be able to run RAW spoilers if I wanted to.  But I won't.  So go running to your precious The Torch, or whatever, you nosy little skanks!
   
  You see, both RAW and SD! brands are doing simultaneous tours of Europe this weekend, and both end up in the UK for TV tapings on Monday and Tuesday next week.  I'm confident this is the first International SD!, and though my memory of portions of mid-90s RAWs in college may be hazy, I THINK you can say the same thing for RAW.  The only possible exception would be if you counted a night when half the matches on RAW were from a Euro tour, but there was actual in-arena action from the States providing the "bracketing" for those matches.  Or something like that.  I know the big match was Owen vs. Bulldog from somewhere in Germany (I think) when they created the European Title, but I also know the whole show wasn't from Europe that night.
   
  It should mean VERY hot crowd for next week's TV, which'll be cool.  It should also mean a glimpse into how UK fans comport themselves; is England as much of a bizarro-land as Canada?  Or will they do nothing much wackier than REALLY cheer loud for William Regal?
   
  Anyway, although next week's RAW will actually wrap up during Late Afternoon (eastern time), I shan't be bothering with publishing spoilers, because I certainly don't want to spoil anything unnecessarily for myself  Tough titty, said the kitty!
   
  
• Marianna Komlos, who was under contract to the WWF in the late 90s, apparently passed away late in September after succumbing to breast cancer. I'm not sure of her age, but if she was much past her mid-30's, I'd be stunned.
   
  I'm sorry I didn't make note of this sooner, but Marianna hasn't actually been involved in wrestling in any capacity in over 4 years, and it took a few readers apparently getting the information from fitness/bodybuilding sites mailing me to find out about it.  Komlos was primarily a fitness model, despite her brief dalliance with wrestling, and so they picked up the story much quicker...  and now, two weeks late, I'm here to pass it on to you...
   
  Unfortunately, there's no real fancy eulogy or great story to tell here.  Komlos was signed to her developmental deal, did some training, and eventually appeared on TV as part of the "Beaver Cleavage" gimmick that was so horrible that it lasted all of about 2 weeks after it had gotten 2 MONTHS of vignettes to build it up.  As "Mrs. Cleavage," the shapely Komlos was the mom to "The Beav" (portrayed by former Headbanger Chaz Warrington); in the hands of some artists, the vibe might have been "Oedipal."  In the hands of pre-Jesus Vince Russo, it was flat-out incestual.  But mostly, it just wasn't funny.
   
  Komlos and Chaz tried it without the gimmick and under their real names, but that tanked, too.  I forget the exact timeline, but I think the Headbangers actually wound up getting back together for at least a bit, and Komlos just quietly left the company and the wrestling business behind.
   
  It might not have been the greatest and best run in the world, but in a lot of ways, Marianna Komlos will NEVER be forgotten by wrestling fans, which is not unremarkable.  Of course, condolences to all her family, friends, and fans, too.
   
  
• TNA's grand plans for a huge arena or military base as the venue for their debut Sunday Night PPV have been ditched in favor of playing it safe and playing it cheap:  "Victory Road" will take place at the same soundstage where they tape "Impact" at Universal Studios.
   
  Just emanating from the "Impact Zone" (I think that's what they call it) eliminates a ton of production head-aches for TNA, so it's probably wisest. They'll be able to make the venue look good without incurring any additional costs or anything, and they'll be working with a known quantity, which will supply peace of mind for the live telecast after months of only having to work on a direct-to-tape basis.
   
  TNA has recently been having trouble getting enough warm bodies to fill up the soundstage at Impact tapings (entrance is free to anybody who has paid to get into the theme park, and I THINK you can even just go for the show and still not have to pay a dime).  But they hope that the PPV aura means people will be willing to pay to attend; they have announced a $50 "VIP" package that includes seats and autographed memorabilia, which goes on sale through the tnawrestling.com website starting this weekend.  If they sell enough tickets to fill up the joint, good for them; if they don't, it's more freebies for park patrons, I'm sure.  They'll want a packed house...
   
  TNA is also still hinting at some Major Stars appearing at the PPV, and outright announcing the signings of others.  The use of the word "Outsiders" on Impact the past few weeks almost certainly means Nash and Hall.  And TNA has announced that Roddy Piper will be returning to the promotion starting this week on Impact.  Almost certainly to get involved in the Board of Nursing Home Denizens thing with Dusty and Larry and Harley (and by extension, involved with the Russo storyline).  Whee.
   
  As TNA brings in Piper, they can probably kiss D'Lo Brown goodbye.  Which *I* would argue underscores a decided lack of priorities, but hey, what do I know?  D'Lo wanted to keep his outside commitments open, TNA wanted to know that he'd make every TNA show his #1 Commitment, and D'Lo couldn't do that because of higher paying (and probably higher profile) tours of Japan that might call him away for weeks at a stretch.  TNA's solution: to not use D'Lo at all, apparently. Whee, again.
   
  But you know me: always thinking D'Lo Brown is one of the most under-rated men in the biz...
   
  There continue to be rumors about Kid Kash and TNA being on rocky ground, too, but after how things played out this summer on that front, who the hell knows?  Maybe they like keeping us guessing, and Kash will actually stick around after they milk these rumors some more?  Or maybe TNA is already spending Kash's next paycheck on signing Nikita Koloff to an exclusive contract?  Stay tuned...
   
  
• And on that unnecessarily prickish rant at TNA's expense, I'm probably done for today.  I'm running criminally late for one, and for two, I need time to run to the store for provisions, since tonight's more Playoff Baseball, baby!  
   
  And THIS time, it's on ESPN, which means I won't be overcome by the biological urge to carpet bomb FOX HQ for (a) producing such a cheesy, glossy, zero-attention-span version of baseball and (b) employing the almost impossibly idiotic Tim McCarver.
   
  Seriously, if I got together a petition, do you think we could raise the money to buy baseball back from FOX?  All I want is about six cameras, ZERO cuts to fans (not even if they are starring in a Brand New FOX Series!) at important junctures of the games, and a 3 man announce booth of Costas, Morgan, and Uecker.  
   
  Ah, nevermind.  Like I said, I'm running late.  I'll put together my proposal, and you can all hear it and support it when you remember to Vote Scaia in 2012!
   
  Till Friday, kids.....