But wait!  It was DESTINY, people!  I *had* to see this fricking commercial.  Because I'm not entirely sure, and will have to schedule a doctor's appointment after the holiday: but I think I did myself Grievous Bodily Harm by laughing WAY too hard at the funniest thing I've seen on TV in a LONG time. And I just HAVE to share with you.

It was a videogame commercial.  And like I said, I joined it in progress, and only caught a few seconds before the FF Finger got back on the job and sent me speeding towards Actual Television Content.  But in those few seconds, the background music was... oddly familiar.  And The Rick may have plenty of strikes against him for his various off-putting traits, but NOBODY will ever tell me that I'm not one Intellectually Curious Individual.  The Big Brain DEMANDED to know why it almost knew that song.  I actually re-wound.  Watched that commercial from the start.

And oh kids, it's retarded as hell.  Some guy at what seems like a Victoria's Secret store, telling his ostensible girlfriend "I don't care what that girl says, you're not too fat to wear a thong," while pointing to some clotheshanger who is checking herself out in a mirror while trying on some lingerie.  The Ostensible Girlfriend responds, "That bitch said I was fat? Who does she think she is?"... and the catfight is on.  The jackass smirks at his handiwork, apparently aroused by the prospect of checking out all his girl's sexy new black-and-blue marks in her newly-bought lingerie.  Or something.  And then the music kicks in.  The Oddly Familiar Music.

And then we start splicing in shots of a video game in which, apparently, it's Hot Girl On Girl Action, all the time.  "Rumble Roses" is what the game is called, and it's basically your standard wrestling game, just it's all multi-polygon-rendered Virtual Girls fighting in such matches as pillow fights and mud wrestling in Red Hot Rated-M Gaming Action.  Prepare your erections for massaging, you Tomb Raider dorks!  There's no need to leave the house or hone your social skills or dabble in personal hygiene!  Everything you need in life is inside that magic little box, because these girls will follow the every command of your big, bad Analog Stick!  Mheh heh heh heh, I said "Analog Stick." 

And somebody, riddle me this: why did the morons who invented this completely worthless game not offer Jerry Lawler a HUGE fucking paycheck to leave WWE and provide the commentary for just about the only "wrestling matches" he's qualified for, opening up his job on RAW for somebody who possesses actual wit and ability?  Baffling.

Oh, wait, I had a joke.  Got distracted by the biting, incisive satire there for a second....  sorry.  So anyway, the commercial is doing this quick-cut thing.  Catfight in the lingerie shop.  Video game clip.  Catfight.  Video game.  Lather, rinse, repeat.  And the Voice Over Guy hits the punchline.... recalling the way Dumbass Guy made his Ostensible Girlfriend fight some random chick, and re-affirming that this videogame exists only for males with SERIOUS social disorders, he announces, "Only on XStation 2!  Or possibly PlayBox!  Maybe NinSega!  It's Rumble Roses: MAKE GIRLS FIGHT WHENEVER YOU WANT~!!!"

I'm serious.  Well, not about the "NinSega" thing; but about the "Make girls fight whenever you want."  That the game's real slogan. Not making this up. Almost wish I was, but I'm not. Already, I was chuckling just at the sheer retardation.  The retardation of the people who made the game, the greater retardation of the people who came up with this marketing campaign, and the GREATEST retardation of anybody pathetic enough to buy it.  But then, a few seconds after the commercial wrapped, I got *my* punchline, kids. And I laughed. And laughed. And laughed.  And actually rewound to watch again.  And laughed some more.  No chuckling.  Just honest-to-god cackling laughter. The neighbors might have heard it. They might think I've gone insane.

What was my punchline? It came the second I FINALLY realized why I recognized the background music.  It was....

Jeff Hardy's old WWF entrance theme. BWWAAAAAHHHAAAAHAAA!

And now, I have yet another reason to think of Jeff Hardy when I think of lame, flamboyantly-fake women's wrestling!  "Rumble Roses. Make former WWF Diva Jeff Hardy fight whenever you want~!"  Or something. [SHIT!  Sorry, indie fans!  I meant to say, "Make Current TNA Diva Jeff Hardy fight whenever you want~!"  Can we be friends again?  Good...]

With my luck, I'm the only person in the universe who thinks this is as funny as I do, and you're all sitting out there with confused looks on your face. Oh well. This was just too perfect and for too many reasons, and I wanted to share the tale with y'all. So with that job done, let's try a spot of wrestling talk, OK?  But honestly, this is all just epilogue to my Humorous Anecdote:

• First up, we've got a bizarre situation coming out of a SD! house show in Syracuse...  I believe this was on Sunday night.
   
  Apparently, the completely reasonable and level-headed Bob Holly went berzerk and beat the shit out of Rene Dupree FOR REAL in the middle of a tag team match. Everything started out fine in the Dupree/Suzuki vs. Holly/Haas match, but when the flow of the match resulted in Dupree and Haas together in the ring for the first time, it almost IMMEDIATELY went to shit.
   
  Holly started by trying to choke out Dupree, and when he released Dupree, Rene (pretty reasonably) left the ring to gather himself. But Holly followed him out, and whacked him in the face with a steel chair, and then started laying in with stiff punches and kicks that had Dupree's face ALREADY visibly swelling up.
   
  While all that's going on? The ref had to ignore it, since it wasn't planned as a DQ finish, and told Suzuki and Haas to get into the ring and start wrestling.  They somehow improvised their way to get to the planned finish, which was a handful of salt in Haas' eyes, allowing Kenzo to score the win.  Instead of getting in the ring to celebrate with his partner, Dupree just fled the ring, with Holly apparently not far behind, although the situation was finally defused backstage.
   
  So what's the deal? Well, it's no real secret that Dupree has adopted a bit of a prima donna attitude since coming over to SD! and getting a big push; and the attitude has remained in place even now that the big push has been reduced to tag teaming. So he's not necessarily all that popular in the locker room.
   
  But he spent some time as Bob Holly's travel partner earlier this year, and I guess SPECIFICALLY rubbed Bob the wrong way. I've heard too many divergent stories to say with any authority, but the two weren't gonna be trading Christmas cards even BEFORE this incident.
   
  So Holly's solution when he's got a problem with a guy who seems cocky and not to care? Wait until the two of you are supposed to do a Pretend Fight, and then basically Shanghai the guy. Real nice.
   
  Look: there's already a LOT retarded about the Wrestler Subculture.  The hazing, the pecking order, the "ribbing."  But oh, I shouldn't say anything bad about it, because I've never been on the road, I don't know what it's like!  I know, I know...  I'm sure there are VERY good, VERY logical reasons why threatening rookies with simulated anal rape "weeds out the bad seeds."  So you keep it up, dum dums.
   
  But I'll draw the line at Bob Holly's bitter sense of vigilante justice. By all counts, he's of the "I've been here longer than anyone else, so therefore I deserve a push bigger than anybody who's been here less time than me, and when I don't get it, I get angry" school of thought. It's why he had a momentary lapse of reason against a Tough Enough kid; it's probably why he was predisposed to be mad at a 21 year-old kid who has held more titles in the last 8 months than Bob has in 3 years.
   
  And although I'd say Holly's actions are grounds for firing, it probably won't happen. Because (a) He was at least smart enough to flip out on a guy nobody really likes. And (b) Wrestling's Subculture *is* semi-retarded, and *does* have room in it for Holly's perverted sense of justice. Being a mediocre talent with 11 years of service *is* a badge of honor to many in the company; being a promising talent with 1 year of service means you still have to jump through hoops and prostrate yourself to your less-skilled, dumb-ass elders.
   
  My understanding is that Holly is CERTAINLY not gonna be fired, and might not even be punished beyond doing a job (putting over a developmental talent) at SD! tapings this week. Sneak attack some guy in the middle of a pretend fight and beat the crap out of him? I'm sorry, but you have to lose a wrestling match that nobody will ever see, Bob.
   
  Why do I get the feeling that Holly is probably sitting somewhere today, chuckling to himself at how he got away scot-free?
   
  
• WWE released it's second quarter financials for Fiscal Year 2005 (which ended October 29).
   
  In a nutshell: it's not good.  Wall Street's reaction, in fact, has been an immediate drop of about $1.50 in WWE's stock price. At close of trade on Monday, the stock was around $13.50; within an hour of the open of trading on Tuesday morning (which is when WWE announced it's numbers), that had dropped to $11.50; today, they've only bounced back around $12.00.
   
  Some details....
   
  Income for the quarter was a mere $4.4 million (six cents per share); the same quarter last year posted income of $17.1 million (25 cents per share). Analysts had set a benchmark of 13 cents per share, which WWE fell WELL short of, and that's probably why you see the volatility in the stock price.
   
  The loss of revenue was pretty well spread out over just about all operations. There were very nominal gains made in live event revenue (only because of an increase in overseas touring, though) and television rights fees.  Everything else?  Ground was held or lost.
   
  A huge chunk of the losses is in PPV revenue, which was down over $6 from the previous year. And this is REALLY sneaky: in a lot of the press releases I saw, WWE tries to spin this as due to "one fewer PPV event" in this quarter as opposed to the same quarter last year.  But read the small print!  There were actually Four PPVs in BOTH quarters; but WWE is using semantics to NOT count Taboo Tuesday to 2Q FY2005, since it was an "experiment" and not an "established" event (in 2Q FY2004, Vengeance fell into that timeframe, but was NOT part of the second quarter this year).  So I call "bullshit" on the "one less PPV" claim.
   
  WWE lost PPV revenue because fewer people bought PPVs, plain and simple.  Yes, you replace the "established" Vengeance (320,000 buys) with the "experimental" Taboo Tuesday (an anemic 170,000 buys), but all of the other three Established Shows lost buys versus last year, too.  The totals: 1.1 million PPV buys this year (versus 1.5 million last year.  Revenue dropped from $24.7 million to $18.5 million. 
   
  The other huge loss area was in advertising revenue, which was almost halved to $9.8 million in this quarter as opposed to last year. PART of that is due to a restructuring of WWE's SD! deal with UPN (they lost about $5 million in ad revenue, but this is ALSO part of the reason why they posted a gain in rights fees, since UPN pays them an extra $3 million). But honestly, the truth is that ratings are down versus the last quarter (RAW down by 0.3, SD! down by 0.2), and that means they can't charge as much for ad time.
   
  The only other number I'll waste your time with is live event attendance, which plummeted yet again. The average domestic event drew 3800 paying fans (down from 4500 for the same quarter last year); that's just flat out an "ouch," since WWE has been more aggressive about pre-emptively canceling house shows that look like they're gonna be weak draws than they were last year. And overseas?  The average event drew 9500 paying fans (down from 11,900 last year; because WWE's strategy is NOW to run MORE shows, at slightly smaller venues).
   
  Simply put: there really are no good stories here. Fewer people are watching, fewer people are paying, and it's got NOTHING to do with "fewer PPV events" or other word games. What DOES it have to do with? Well, obviously I got plenty of ideas on that front, and I think you might be able to figure out a few of them. But I'm also pondering a big, feature-y thesis column, so I'll reserve my theories for another time...
   
  
• Oh wait, did I just say there were no good stories here? I'm sorry, I spoke too soon. 
   
  As always, the release of WWE Financials was accompanied by a conference call for stockholders with Linda McMahon. And to hear her tell it, things are fine.  Sure there may be problems in some areas, but they are VERY excited about: (1) international business, (2) home video releases, (3) the wide-launch of 24/7, and (4) the release of the first 2 WWE Films productions.
   
  Christ.  I mean, OK, maybe Wall Street will lap that up, but seriously, folks: look at that list.  Only (1) has ANYTHING to do with the current core wrestling product.  And it doesn't have MUCH to do with it, since most overseas events are mere house shows and thus, "don't count."
   
  Listen: the problems that need addressing are lower ratings, fewer fans, and rock-bottom morale. More hellish overseas house show tours won't address that, even if they will at least tack a few more bucks onto paychecks. And instead of fixing the current creative direction, WWE is excited because serving up the Good Moments from THE PAST (on DVD and 24/7) can make them a few bucks? That's real healthy. "Today sucks, but we can recycle 1998 ad nauseum!"  Viva la ignoring a problem and hoping it goes away!
   
  And don't even get me started on a company that honestly thinks ANYthing good is going to come out of a movie called "Eye Scream Man."
   
  So much confusion...  like I said, I'm biting my tongue, though. A Master Thesis is possible in the near future, though, and it will feature ALL my vile and venom. 
   
  
• Ricky Steamboat is gonna be getting a try-out as a road agent... he was learning the ropes at this week's pair of tapings, and will be hanging around for about a month. If the job agrees with him and he agrees with the job, it could turn into a permanent relationship, though.
   
  And though the job doesn't bring with it a whole lot of power to fix WWE's real problems, the company DOES kind of need to restock the shelf of Lieutenants that the boys look up to and respect. Steamboat might fit that bill. And hell, "the Dragon" was my very first favorite wrestler back in the day, so I'm happy to hear he might catch on with the Fed after what I gather has been a rough couple of years in his personal life.
   
  
• I made cracks about the two anonymous, over-dressed girls who were tittering away like idiots on RAW in the Recap... but truth is, I was pretty sure I recognized them; I just wasn't positive.  Now I am.
   
  One is a developmental talent down in OVW, though she's mostly a valet and I've heard nothing particularly glowing about her in-ring ability. The other I thought was the same girl Maven was hitting on the week before, and I was right; what I didn't realize is that she is apparently YET ANOTHER Diva Search Loser.  Goddammit.
   
  I suppose I oughta mention that NONE of these Diva Search losers (except maybe Maria) is actually under a real contract. I don't know how much stock to put in this, but somebody told me that part of the Diva Search Agreement gave WWE a "no compete" period (so that a Diva Loser couldn't show up on TNA the very next week after WWE invested so VERY much time and money in making us not give a shit about her), and that since we're still in that "no compete" period, WWE is just doing week-to-week deals with the girls, bringing them in, putting them on TV, and seeing if any of them "sticks."
   
  Great. So Gail Kim and Jazz are gone, because WWE is hemorrhaging money and can't figure out how to increase revenues but DOES know how to cut costs: pare the TALENT roster down, and just pay some Indentured Servants the bare minimum to stand around and be useless.
   
  
• Another VERY strange story that is actually still taking shape even as I type this up.
   
  Apparently, some crooked Memphis cops hatched up a plan to break into Jerry Lawler's house and rob him. The trio of cops were involved in all kinds of protection rackets around town, and apparently made friends with a girl that Lawler dated immediately following his divorce (I will repress the joke that that probably makes her 19 today), and who knew the insides of Lawler's house (including the location of a stash of cash and other valuables/collectables).  But the FBI was actually on the case of these three cops because of their other hijinx, and shut them down BEFORE they could follow through on the robbery.
   
  I don't know much else besides this.  I know I might like to rob Lawler of his job as RAW's announcer, but this sounds like a kinda-scary deal, and I'm glad things have worked out OK for him.  
   
  You can read up on the three crooked cops here. And there's more emphasis on Lawler's side of the story (including quotes from Jerry) here.
   
  
• Dusty Rhodes is officially now the Man In Charge of TNA's creative direction, finalizing a shift that started with the departure of Vince Russo and has now left Jeff Jarrett as nothing more than a wrestler for the company (instead of one of the guided forces backstage).
   
  Good or bad? I dunno. Dusty has overseen a lot of both in his days as booker for NWA/WCW, and I'm not sure what to expect here.  If I had to? I'd say ANY change will probably be good, since I doubt TNA could possibly do any LESS with what they've got.
   
  Last week's Impact certainly had a different feel to it; instead of being defined by its sheer boring pointlessness, it seemed to have the pacing of an "Event" instead of the pacing of a packaged TV show.  For what I mean by that, envision the difference between RAW and Heat.  One has a feel of happening in "real time" with threads of stories spanning the entire show; the other is just a random sequence of unrelated matches and video packages.  This is NECESSARY if Impact wants to be a watchable show every week.
   
  Unfortunately, last week's "event" was also not all that thrilling; just some shtick lifted DIRECTLY from an nWo attack 8 years ago, and an attempt to convince me Jeff Hardy (tee hee!) is a main event wrestler just because he is now hanging around with a guy who was main eventing wrestling shows 15 years ago (Macho Man Savage, who, for now, is back in TNA).  Wheee.
   
  
• And I guess the last thing we can do today is a bit of RAWnalysis.  Or maybe RAWtorting?  Because if you want anything resembling RAW Results, you just need to hit the Recap, since I said my piece there, and now I'm feeling like I gotta DEFEND my piece.  I think I knew even as I was typing it up that I hadn't softened my language enough, and that I'd probably end up pissing people off, but hell...
   
  For one: at least read the whole thing, people.  I said RIGHT UP FRONT that I knew I was being a pompous prick for being so attached to my Fantasy Booking Ideas, and that that alone was NOT sufficient reason to turn against a good show. You writing in to tell me that was stupid of me accomplishes nothing. It's not really logical, but it's human nature, and I *did* feel very real disappointment in the final 90 seconds of RAW. I also thought I made it pretty clear and handed out PLENTY of compliments for the rest of the show so that the end result is that the recap gave you an accurate picture of the show.
   
  But then, a second thing: some of you thought the exact OPPOSITE thing, and said I was being too complimentary. Wow. It makes my brain hurt, but great: I've got people riled up on BOTH sides of the fence.  Mostly, this crowd said I was being a hypocrite because I was complimenting the over-riding Evolution Story at the same time that I was saying I had it all figured out.  I guess these people had it figured out, too, and if you happen to guess right, then WWE is being boring and predictable, and I shouldn't have been complimenting them.  Huh; I thought I actually touched on that exact issue. Sure, as soon as Edge and Benoit had their odd little backstage exchange, I pretty well figured out all of RAW's last half-hour. But that's not EXACTLY right; what I did was put together pieces in my head and developed a "What I'd Do If I Was Writing This Show" scenario...  that meant rifling back in my brain and trying to ascribe meaning to a few of the past bits ("If I was writing this show, why would I have done that that way? And what does it mean for the finish?"), and I came up with an idea.  I don't know: maybe the reason I LOVED the way that all played out is simply an extension of my pomposity... I liked it because it's what *I* would have done. And we've clearly established that what *I* would do is the greatest and awesomest thing in the world. Actually: what I liked is that this is a RAW that I found entertaining as hell (from the opening skit to the second Orton's theme started playing), and it got my brain going about a billion miles an hour and had me all amped up to talk and dissect and all that. The length of yesterday's recap is probably a testament to how aggressively talkative I'd have been on Monday night if I could have assembled an audience of wrestling fans to bask in my Sheer Genius And Wit.
   
  At any point, Ric Flair winning the title in Charlotte as part of a HHH/Orton Double Turn is out the window. I don't apologize for liking my idea; I think a HUGE part of what's wrong with WWE TV is that somebody has lost track of Creating Moments. There may be very entertaining ways that the next two weeks could play out, but in a year when Memorable Video Keeper Moments have been few and far between (The Rock's surprise appearance with Eugene? Eddie and Benoit at WM20?), it was in my head to create a real Grand Slam to close out the year.  Something people'd still be talking about in years.
   
  But oh well, it won't happen, and I'm sure it's because WWE thinks there's nothing wrong with Top Babyface Randy Orton, just like they don't think there's anything wrong with their second quarter financials. "LALALALALALA I can't hear you." That's their motto.
   
  Something I guess I can try to make myself excited about: this latest twist means that Chris Jericho is the "main event" of the guest GMs. That's cool. One of the biggest reasons it MIGHT be cool: I've talked about this with one or two other people, and basically it boils down to "Man, maybe this means Jericho will win the title!".
   
  And I've thought about that a bit. It could be. In a perfect world.  I won't lie: in my head, the punchline of this whole Guest GM thing SHOULD be Triple H losing the title. Because that removes the Anvil of Orton winning the Royal Rumble, and opens up a ton more interesting options. My Orton heel turn remains open if a babyface takes HHH's belt (though it won't happen, dammit). HHH and Orton can take their feud to a sidebar, with the break-up of Evolution and all kinds of stuff tied in, while two other guys get the benefit of feuding over the title.  Lots of good reasons why HHH needs to NOT be the champ after 12/6, in my mind.
   
  Of course, that said, I don't necessarily think WWE's going that way.  HHH survives the Guest GMs, Orton wins the Rumble, pencil them in for WM21's main event, just because it'll annoy the hell out of me.
   
  But OK, like I said, I've had a chat or two entertaining the notion of Jericho winning the belt, the beneficiary of the Last Week of Guest GM'ing against a beaten and battered HHH. But I try and I try, and I can't see a happy ending to it. For one, I'm just too cynical to think that HHH has any interest in lying down for Jericho.  But then, what if he does?  Big problem: the Main Story On RAW is and has been Orton wanting to get the World Title back.  "Destiny."  And since I'm sure WWE are too deluded to go with an Orton heel turn, that puts us in a spot where I see Jericho winning the title, and then the ONLY outs are a Jericho heel turn or making him into a transitional/short-term champ (or possibly both, as he'd have to turn heel and THEN transition the title onto Orton at or before the Rumble).
   
  And as good as it'd be for the soul to see Jericho get the gold, either (or both) of those two outcomes would just be too painful for words.  A heel turn does not suit Jericho, and is especially ill-advised since he's only been a babyface for about 9 or 10 months, and too-frequent flopping is bad and would leave Jericho's character dilluted and his future prospects diminished as a result. And Orton pinning Jericho? Well, hell, I guess it'd be no worse than him beating Benoit for the belt, but still: I don't want to see it.
   
  I've spent some time today thinking about this, though. And I've come up with a "What If?"...  namely: what if HHH loses the belt NEXT WEEK in the Battle Royale?  Where might that leave us for "RAW is JERICHO"? Might there be a cool way to have Jericho leave his Guest GM Night with the belt? And I think the answer is "Yes" to that last one.
   
  How would I do it? Edge wins the Battle Royale. Remember: his whole thing lately is that he only needs ONE SHOT and he'd win the World Title. Here's his one shot.  I think it'd be very interesting to have him make good on that particular claim, something that really plays into his character perfectly. But it could come with enough extracurriculars that it's not necessarily a convincing, clean win.  The nature of the Battle Royale is to give you PLENTY of room for sketchiness and screwiness, actually.  Have there be a substory involving the continued Troubles In Evolution be one thing facing HHH.  Maybe even have Orton out there somehow making sure HHH is eliminated. But no matter what kinds of other stories you want to tell to help HHH "save face," it still ends the same way: Edge wins the title.
   
  And then the next week: RAW is JERICHO.  Jericho vs. Edge, a World Title Main Event?  Yep.  Just trust me; Jericho's gifted enough to pull this off, as he's got an unfinished story with Edge going back to the IC Title feud in August and lots of other material.  Mostly, he just needs to rock the mic with a vibe of "I don't give a donkey's anus if it's against Triple H or Edge or the Ghost of Bob Backlund; I came here tonight to RAW is JERICHO to win the World Heavyweight Title" as he announces the match. People will buy into it as a big time main event. And Jericho shall win the title.  Because as interesting as it is for Edge's character to win the title in his first attempt, it could be even MORE interesting for it for him to lose in his first defense; it'll be a chance to add to Edge's frustration and desperation and to build up a GOOD story in exactly the way they did NOT do when Orton lost the IC belt (ironically enough, to Edge) and just segued into that lazy Destiny shit.  I think with Jericho as champ, you have Edge as a top contender, I think this bring Benoit back into the mix, and when Shawn comes back that's ALL KINDS of crazy possibilities with Jericho and Edge for him!  Somewhere among those four is a WM21 main event we'd all get excited about!  And you still have Orton and HHH on the edges, both wanting the title but also maybe to pre-occupied with each other to be primary in the title mix.
   
  A beautiful part of my scheme: Jericho leaves Charlotte as the champ, with no threat of a heel turn or dropping the belt to Orton, the title insulated among a group of guys who will be a breath of fresh air for RAW. And guess what? You can STILL do my Orton/HHH double turn thing if you want; Orton spends RAW is JERICHO talking to the GM about how he finally got the title off HHH and now Orton wants his title shot (setting the foundation of being the whiny bitch that he is), HHH and Evolution are having problems after the battle royale went badly, with Charlotte siding with Ric Flair, who is empowered by the response and stands up to HHH and demands a match to beat some respect into his protege.  We also make it clear that HHH blames Orton for the title loss, since he booked the battle royale (and might have interfered in it?), and those two have a confrontation in which maybe HHH cheapshots Orton, so Orton has a backstage skit with Flair in which he does all his disingenuous "pep talk" stuff to pump Ric up since he really wants Ric to beat HHH tonight.  HHH and Flair have their match, and Orton shows up at ringside; and although the title's no longer in play, you can steal a LOT of the scenario I booked back on Monday. Orton APPEARS to help Flair beat HHH, but then he turns even more viciously on Flair, calling this whole thing a joke (Flair is a joke, HHH is a joke, Edge and Jericho are jokes, and HE is the future of this business, HE is Evolution); then HHH recovers enough to come to Flair's aid, and Randy does the chickenshit act and leaves.  Voila: double turn, and HHH vs. Orton finally has some stank on it.
   
  AND Jericho is the champ.
   
  Goddammit, why do I do this? I have now convinced myself that I can have my cake and eat it, too.  Jericho as champ with TOP SHELF contenders; Orton vs. HHH over in its own little non-title ghetto after a double turn.  It's gorgeous. And it won't happen.  And when it doesn't, I'll bitch and moan like a little diva.
   
  
• That's it.  I guess I did end up having something pretty decent in the Bag o' Tricks today.  But still: that Jeff Hardy music for a catfighting videogame....  it'll be a while before THAT smile is wiped off my face!
   
  I hope y'all have a smile on your face, too, for the holiday weekend! Screw Simon Dean and gorge yourself on turkey and fixin's!  Enjoy the fam!  Have fun, be merry, and be safe!
   
  Not sure when *I* will write a column again, but there WILL be an update to OO on Friday; Canadian Bulldog has a cool column in the chute, I'm planning on a SD! Recap, and who knows what else?  Barring a major news development, I'm probably gonna give myself till Monday off, but you never know....
   
  You know how you could change my mind? Stuff my pockets with money!  Please?  The OO Pledge Drive NEEDS you!
   
  Happy Thanksgiving, and see you kids again soon.