And by the end of the week, we oughta have a good dozen or so Years in Review finished up for you, and I'll get my own patented 2004 Honor Roll column out there, and then I gotta do my year-ending State of the Union thingie, which is the intro to the massive 15-part month-by-month OO Year In Review Mega-Feature, and CHRIST, I just remembered that last night at 10pm, I caught most of a conveniently-timed History Channel replay of the very same "Nostradamus: 500 Years Later" special that motivated ANOTHER special year-end column out of me last year, and now I'm tempted to reprise it again this year.

Dammit. So much for taking it easy like the rest of you slackers for another week or two. Putting the tasty cherry on top of the shit-sundae that was 2004 is thankless work, but you can trust me with the job, folks. Clearly, this is why I don't get paid the big bucks...

But for now, how's about I avoid thinking about the finger-breaking labor that awaits me the next 3 weeks, and just try to fake my way through a quick column setting the table for the Wrestling Week to come:

• Speaking of people who've been trying to recap 2004 The Year That Was lately...  WWE is finally back to doing what it does best after a week or so of attempting to convince us that 2004 wasn't laden with The Suck.
   
  Or maybe they're back to doing something they do better.  Or something that they SOMEtimes do better, because if they did it better all the time, then their Years in Review wouldn't be forced to blow so much.  I'm not sure.  You figure it out; I'm trying to make it be like a half-rip-on-WWE-for-a-crappy-2004 but then a half-I-hope-the-keep-things-on-track-in-2005 thing.
   
  After a RAW in Review special last Monday, the Fed is back live tonight, and has its hands full.  They've got just 2 Mondays left to convince us that January 9's RAW-only "New Year's Revolution" PPV is gonna be worth the price or the bother.  The Elimination Chamber main event may be about as interesting a way out of WWE's retardedly-conceived and executed "Vacant Title" debacle as exists, but that's, at most, one quarter of the show.  And 45 worthwhile PPV minutes? While enduring the allegedly-delightful atmosphere at Hooters? I already know that few, if any, WWE PPVs are still worth $35... and we're getting to the point where they also aren't worth the drive and the $15 dropped on beer at my local bOObie-themed family restaurant.  It's almost enough to think I should let myself be brainwashed by all of that crafty Erin Anderson's advocacy for the likely goodness of the entire 2-hour premiere of "24" that's happening that same night... but then I remember, I *do* have a responsibility to you fine readers. And there's always DVR.  Trusty DVR.  So don't worry, WWE, whether or not you actually bother crafting an entire compelling PPV card, I'll be SOMEwhere watching your silly added-PPV in a couple weeks.
   
  But that's no guarantee that others will do the same. So tonight on RAW, methinks we got some work to do.
   
  And although in many ways the Elimination Chamber "sells itself," I think that'd be highly lazy and irresponsible for WWE to do. For one big reason. A 300-something pound reason, actually. I'm speaking of Batista.  Now, if you want to be a bit lazier, you can do that with Orton and HHH, since they are the "obvious" possible winners and I don't think fans need to be sold on their placement in the match (in an hilarious anecdote, there was a WWE.com poll somebody mailed me the results of about a week ago; in it, WWE asked "Who do you LEAST WANT to win the Elimination chamber?" and the top two answers were HHH and Orton, totaling over 60% of the vote between them, with the other four guys pretty evenly splitting the other 40%; anybody want to re-book that WM21 main event yet?).  I think you can also skate by a bit on Benoit/Edge, since they are in the match for reasons that pass for WWE's recent attempt at "logic" (both were in that silly-ass Triple Threat Double-Decision Match with HHH, and are thus "made men").  But then, to flesh out the Elimination Chamber to six men, we had to pull two other guys out of nowhere.
   
  I am sad to report that I'm a a point where I'll settle for making five of them into plausible contenders. Poor Jericho; you just look at that line-up (and do it objectively), and there's one guy who you know doesn't "belong."  Jericho may or may not be the first eliminated (his position as the flashiest of the babyfaces in the match might make him valuable to keep around for a late match beatdown/fire-up, actually), but the way WWE has treated him lately makes him the most disposable and the one guy nobody will think can walk out with the gold. My line is usually that Jericho -- due to his charisma and Jedi-like mic skills -- is "teflon" and can make fans forget about his copious losses and failures with one simple Highlight Reel. But there's a difference between shaking off a loss and resuming one's roll as the underappreciated upper-mid-card comic relief and shaking off almost 6 straight weeks of crappy booking to suddenly attain the Stink of Legitimacy. With only 2 weeks before the PPV, I fear there's no time to do anything to really solidify Jericho's place in this; I remain steadfast that what they NEEDED to do two weeks ago was have Jericho pin HHH in the tag match (instead of Batista pinning Benoit), to give him the "Transitive Theory" legitimacy. But HHH lie down for Jericho? HA! I make myself chortle! The other option would have been to leave Jericho out of it entirely (let him win a mini-feud with the be-masked Captain Charisma, maybe; and then depending on how the Elimination Chamber went, maybe Jericho's there as a post-PPV title challenger), and brought back Shawn Michaels for the sixth spot.  HHH wouldn't have had a problem with that, and if it jump-started a Michaels/Edge WM21 feud, all the better, right?
   
  Of course, Jericho Woes aside, I don't think WWE intends to fumble the ball nearly as badly with Batista.  As it stand tonight, Randy Orton and Batista should be a simmering singles feud, and kids, I kinda like it.  I think I made this joke a couple weeks ago: it's almost like WWE is telling Young Randall, "We're done doing everything for you, and having you not deliver the goods; so we're sticking you in there against a guy we haven't really done much of ANYthing for, besides the bare minimum of hints and innuendo, and yet IS connecting with fans. You show us something. Or else."  I'm probably making up that sub-text to the Orton/Batista feud...  but I also think if those two hook it up in the ring over the next few weeks, and if fan response even SLIGHTLY sways towards Master Logician And Reasonable Man Batista, WWE won't ignore that.
   
  Which is why WWE needs to be careful in how it handles the Elimination Chamber guys. Batista's interactions with HHH need to be subtle enough that he's STILL a heel by all standard rules; but I think you keep giving us the carefully portioned-out hints that Batista's got an agenda all his own, too, so if fans feel like doing something cool and compelling and "grass roots" like cheering for Batista over Randy Orton, they can. Unlike Jericho, Batista's got very sound storyline reasons for being lumped into this match; and I think with 2 solid weeks of storytelling, we can even see his stock go one notch higher, and fans will go into the Elimination Chamber thinking Batista can win the strap.
   
  But see: here's the OTHER thing I'm trying to get to... whatever you've got going on with Batista, HHH, and Orton, I'm not entirely sure you need the World Title mixed in there. I mean, just remember that poll I talked about: fans don't really want to see either HHH or Orton with the title. And hey, didn't we learn just this past summer that giving a break-out babyface a title too soon sucked? And if I was gonna not rip of Orton for a second, I'd point out that the better comparison for Batista is probably gonna end up being Kevin "Diesel" Nash (who started out as dumb muscle, dared to show signs of under-stated likeability, and backed it up with bad-ass power wrestling), who ALSO got the title way too fast after his face turn and never quite developed the way many might have hoped. So what's fricking rush?
   
  And that leaves us with three other guys over here: Benoit, Edge, and Jericho.  If Batista/Orton/HHH are "married" to each other, feud-wise, then these three have kinda got the same deal going on.  And how fricking cool would it be if THESE guys, fresh guys, guys that fans are sick and tired of, got to fight over the World Title for the next few months?  And not only is it "fresh," but these are guys who can benefit from the World Title Rub; HHH gains nothing by simply holding the belt, for instance (yes, it can be a VERY useful storyline element for him, since his character is built around owning that title, which can lead to surprisingly-quality moments like HHH's Acting Korner 2 weeks ago; but he's already maxed out whatever "Rub Metric" exists along with winning world titles), but any of these other three guys would actually see their standing with fans improve by holding the gold.  Throw in the soon-to-return HBK, and once WWE decides what to do with the Evolution storyline we can probably cherry pick an extra heel out of the trio of Batista/HHH/Orton to jump into the title picture, too...  I just think that beats the hell out of the more obvious options.  And again, going down this road will mean NOT being lazy with the storytelling in the Elimination Chamber, and being very careful to give all six guys as many interesting things to do as possible.  Not letting it "sell itself" or focusing on just the obvious trio of HHH, Orton, and Batista....  this'll be key, and we'll see how WWE handles it later tonight.
   
  Other than that, though? I'm serious...  where are we gonna get 5 or 6 other matches worth paying for? I know this'll come off sound like a back-handed compliment, but I mean it much more nicely: Trish's return Women's Title Match against Lita's probably about the only other thing I can see being halfway worthwhile.  Not a rip on them for being the "best of the worst"... I honestly would get excited about said rematch if it was as good as their RAW main event from 3 weeks ago and if it remained devoid of too much of Lita's Other Drama.
   
  Speaking of which: maybe that's where we get another of our PPV matches... Kane is gonna return to TV, and it might even be tonight (about a month ago, booking sheets made me think that it'd come next week in NYC, but looking at the PPV line-up and how they really NEED Kane on it, I wouldn't be surprised if he's there tonight).  He'll be going after Snitsky, of course.  And there's some cool things they could do with Kane and Lita and Snitsky (and let us not forget that Matt Hardy's gonna have SOME kind of say-so in all this, which could be very neat)... going back to Lita's "Snitsky is a dead man" promo right before Taboo Tuesday, well, first, I think I'm on record for thinking that true love's in the air any time a couple starts stealing each other's catchphrases; which is probably why that's the promo where I kinda got attached to the idea of Lita bonding with Kane and Kane morphing into an honorable and noble guy who'd defend his wife whether she's with child or not.  I don't want this to too badly fuck with the women's division (such that it is; more specifically, I don't want Lita and the title to become involved in too much suck that it hurts Trish and Molly's chances of being valuable contributors to RAW while we still continue to find pointless reasons to cart out Stacy's Useless Diva Brigade for 10 minutes every week), but I do think some interesting soap-opera-y possibilities exist. And mostly: I just think that Kane comes back to TV, and a match is set for the PPV in 2 weeks, and there's at least ONE other reason to care about New Year's Revolution.
   
  WWE's not exactly been setting the world on fire in terms of setting up new challengers for the Tag and IC titles...  but you can certainly pencil in "Shelton Benjamin vs. Somebody" and "Eugene/Regal vs. Somebodies" for the PPV, as well.  At this point, last week's logically-executed-but-quite-flaccid six man tag match would lead me to believe that Shelton will defend the IC belt against Maven next (whether that's a RAW match, or is deemed Ready For PPV, I can't say; I'd lean towards the former, but necessity might dictate the latter), while Christian and The Lovely Miss Tomko might step up to feud with Eugene/Regal (which might not be a world-beater, but just building on the backstage confrontation between Christian and Eugene, might be quality, early-show entertainment).
   
  Lastly: Project Jingoism is well underway, as Mohammed Hassan had about as effective a debut as I could have imagined two weeks ago; but Mick Foley can't be here every week to lend extra dimensions to a one-trick-pony, so next up is getting him into the ring, probably for a series of basic squashes the next two weeks, leading up to one of those "still a squash, but we'll pretend like it won't be a squash" matches at the PPV. Like against Hurricane or something... 
   
  Again, I think the last RAW was a good one that gave me more reason to be confident that WWE has a plan, maybe even a new plan, for the direction of the show. Maybe it'll take a few more weeks like that for the entire scope of the plan to become apparent, but in the near term, the job is making the upcoming PPV something fans'll care about.  Tonight's show will be interesting in terms of us getting to see whether that momentum DOES carry over and DOES result in some sizzle for New Year's Revolution and points beyond... or if that momentum sizzles with more random silliness, the likes of which made almost the entirety of the Guest GM Concept so damned frustrating.
   
  How do you find out what RAW delivers? Well, you can be a good little lemming and tune in tonight and watch with your own two eyeballs.  Or you can come on back to OO tomorrow, where we'll have the Best Damned RAW Recap In All Of Time and Space, as penned by Yours Truly.  I, of course, advise doing both of those things, but whatever's easiest for you...
   
  
• Last week's ratings report: RAW did a 2.7 cable rating for its recap show, a drop of over a full point from where the show had been performing.  Not only did fewer fans show up for the show to begin with (since they knew it was a recap show), but over the span of two hours, WWE lost about 12% of its audience, who clearly were not enamored with WWE's telling of the Story of 2004.
   
  SmackDown's Christmas in Iraq special drew a 2.8 broadcast rating, a drop of about a half-point from SD!'s usual number. I kinda expected that number to hold up a bit better this year, since Thursday was only "Christmas Eve Eve" instead of actual XMas night... but between last-second traveling (and the travel nightmares that I'm sure plagued tons of people due to snow; and kids, I'm not one to bitch, but if I never have to see 20 inches of that shit dumped on me at one time again, I'll be happy) and holiday parties, I guess there still wasn't any real hope for SD! to score a "normal" rating.  TV viewing was down as a whole on the night, and even with the depressed number, SD! on UPN was good for fourth place on the night, ahead of FOX and the WB. [Take THAT, "The OC"! Why don't you start shopping around for some NON-shitty TV shows, FOX?]
   
  
• I kinda hinted at this above, but I really wasn't a huge fan of the RAW Recap special. And I watched it while EXTREMELY hammered late on Monday night, which is usually when I'm pretty easily entertained.  [Hey, for reasons related to the methods I use to sit in the front row at UD basketball games, I ended up hanging out with college kids after the game last Monday, and I like to set a good example.  Which in this case involved drinking straight Jack Daniels while mocking everybody else at the party for sipping on light beers. And then also getting involved in a billiards game in which I turned out to be almost totally useless, and the girl I was partnered with had to sink most of our balls, and my main contribution to the team was my Debilitating Psychological Warfare in which I tricked the other team into scratching on the 8-ball. VICTORY~! And then, eventually, HOME FOR WRESTLING~! In what SHOULD~! have been an EASILY ENTERTAINED MOOD~!]
   
  But instead, after getting off to a pretty interesting start (a full 15 minutes for the Infamously Appealing Love Rhombus, climaxing with Trish's WM heel turn), things turned into a frustrating mish-mash of WWE's "everything is A-OK" company line.
   
  Mostly, you could kinda tell that WWE's own impressions of what they did good in 2004 were a bit out of whack with what I (and WE, right, peeps?) enjoy. And the whole show was structured so as to feel like we've got more building upon those wrong things coming in 2005.
   
  For one: there was a lengthy review of the Pregnant Lita/Kane/Matt Hardy stuff, which when paired with Kane's imminent return does give me pause.  I won't say anything bad about the return of XTreme Lita and the match in which she won the Women's Title, but that was about the only really cool thing she was involved with this year, and I'd rather build on THAT than on the Springer-esque stuff.
   
  And for two: the entire show was structured so as to finish up with a Randy Orton victory, and his goddamned obnoxious music playing just to annoy me.  Of the big matches in 2004, how the Survivor Series RAW Main Event is the biggest one is a mystery to me. But it had Orton pinning Triple H, so let's make sure we bludgeon fans over the head with that; I guess that's the thinking? For all my hopes that WWE's re-thought Project Orton, it's crap like this that makes me think it's full speed ahead for Randall and his Density.  Seriously: how many weeks out of the last 20 have seen RAW end with Orton in the ring and his theme song playing (often times, quite inexplicably and inappropriately)? And now, they do the same thing with their canonical "year in review" show....  I'm frightened, mommy....  [then again, if the stuff the feature on the year in review is indicative of what's to come, maybe I should think it's a GOOD thing that WWE inexplicably recycled the Love Rhombus even though it has NO pertinence to present day stories, since none of the players are involved with each other in any way; Trish and Christian aren't even a couple any more... so why'd this get so much play?]
   
  And while WWE was picking odd finales for the show (seriously: Benoit's title win at WM20 wasn't just a way better match, it was also a way cooler MOMENT) and investing too much time on the wrong things, a few notable ommissions or short-changings included Edge and Batista, who I think are just about 2 of 2004's biggest success stories. They did slap together a nice vignette for Shelton's break-out year, but almost NO love for Edge and even less for Batista.  Stupid.
   
  Oh, and I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't bitch mightily about that awful and ham-handed product placement of "Bod" brand bodyspray. And no, this isn't one of my usual macho manly-man things where I say "real men understand the importance of showering every day and the myriad uses of deodorant; only metrosexual douchebags would actually wear bodyspray or cologne." Although, I guess I did just say it, so go ahead and count it. It's more that I have a problem with this being about the third consecutive year-in-review special where they run THIS EXACT SAME BIT.  Except that this time, instead of Stacy Keibler, it's Red Headed Spaz who has to feign the purest carnal lust for Jerry Lawler just because (even though he's probably older than her own father) he now smells even prettier than she does. Whee!  That was quality entertainment that sure as hell belonged on my television! You can almost see where they brought in some genius who once wrote for "Spencer: For Hire" to "punch it up." Way to focus on the important stuff, WWE!
   
  Again, I reiterate that when OO gets done recapping 2004 for you, the only tears in your eyes will be ones of laughter at the rapier like wit I and my faithful trOOps have displayed over the last 12 months. Unlike the tears of agony you should probably have shed last Monday after enduring WWE's twisted rendition of 2004, complete with mind-bendingly-bad product placement. 
   
  
• I've been catching TNA Impact, and quietly processing it, the past few weeks.  Still haven't gotten my hands on a copy of "Turning Point" yet, but that's probably only because I might start to remember "Hey, that's something I really should check out," but then I catch Impact on Fridays, and my TNA enthusiasm wanes to near zero...
   
  The last few weeks, I grant that they are inching towards an "event" vibe, rather than a "TV show" vibe (as discussed in a previous column).  I just find myself still un-wowed by the overall effect.  For one: TNA strength should be the in-ring product if even HALF of the raves for the "Turning Point" PPV are true. But the constraints of a one-hour show where TNA seem compelled to cram 5 matches in (on top of what sure as hell SEEMS like about 10 minutes of commercials about themselves, which is just really obnoxious), and I honestly can't think of many Impact matches I've seen that were much more entertaining than anything I'd see on Heat.  And considering my stance on Heat-watching, I think you all know just about what that means...
   
  One good thing: I actually like what they've done in the wake of Randy Savage's latest wigging-out...  I feared that Dusty Rhoades' talk of "waiting for a phone call" and all that would mean that the company would just bring in some over-priced ringer to face Jeff Jarrett at the next PPV, but they backed off that, and now, they're doing a 3 way contenders match with Monty Brown, Dallas Page, and Kevin Nash.  I'm on record as not really understanding Monty Brown's appeal, but also thinking that he should get the shot, just because it sends the message that TNA has groomed its own champions and contenders and doesn't need to resort to free agents.  I like Nash's involvement just because he's a guy who, when he does his best heel work, somehow comes off too likeable, and ends up getting cheered, so playing him into a tweener against his ostensible stablemate is probably gonna work (but he shouldn't win the title shot).  Page?  Well, he's got enough legitimacy to be involved, and enough history with Nash and Hall that you can do some cool stuff there, but mostly, I expect him to lose, too, since his best stuff in the near term SHOULD be done with Raven.
   
  And thus ends your bi-monthly TNA Check-In...
   
  
• Ricky Steamboat will be accepting a full-time position with WWE. It might even go into effect with this week's TV tapings, I'm not sure.  He'll be a road agent, will help manage the talent on a day to day basis, and have a hand in coordinating house shows.
   
  And Steamboat renewing an affiliation with WWE means that he'll now be "eligible" (you know what I mean) for being honored with induction into the Hall of Fame and stuff like that.  And going back to the two times I got to talk to/interview my childhood hero, Steamboat also never completely wrote off one more farewell match, either; he made it clear that the back condition that forced his retirement wouldn't even allow him to do a part-time/guest spot kind of a deal, but that he'd also never say never to a one-shot thing if the right situation developed on the right stage with the right opponent for the right pay.  Then again, like I said, Steamboat was my first-ever favorite wrestler, so I'm probably talking out my delusional ass here...
   
  The thing we should focus on is that Steamboat's got himself a good gig with WWE, and will now have a hand in helping to mold and manage the current roster...  which can only be a good thing.
   
  
• I talked about Kane's status, and how I thought that he'd probably return to TV next week given the booking sheets, but that he might show up tonight, given the pacing of the storyline he's in...
   
  Well, Shawn Michaels is in kinda the same boat: he's not on booking sheets until the weekend after the New Year's Revolution PPV, but he's also been cleared to return and could show up on TV at any time, including as early as tonight.
   
  I don't WANT to be a dick, but some of the biggest successes RAW has had the last couple months have been nights when they didn't exactly focus on Randy Orton (remember RAW is BENOIT? Great 2 hours and 5 minutes, then suddenly, Orton had to appear and botched the whole thing up!), and now two more VERY strong babyfaces are coming back?  Could get real interesting on Monday nights...  
   
  I know I've spoken constantly of an Orton heel turn, but if Batista turns face, we might need even ANOTHER heel.  Some might say Benoit, but I'm of a mind that Shawn Michaels might have a heel run in him, actually... who the hell knows? But it's about to get DAMNED crowed on the babyface side on RAW in the next few weeks...
   
  
• WWE's made another diva hire, but this one might not be so confoundingly bad.  Angel Williams, who has worked VERY sporadically in both TNA and ROH, has been assigned to OVW for training.
   
  I can't say that I've ever seen her wrestle (she was a valet on both tapes I saw), and won't make any bold predictions. But using the metric of "she's got one of them killer compact athletic builds" (unfortunately, also going so far as to emulate Trish Stratus' lone less-than-flawless physical trait: the distractingly spherical and non-jiggly fake boobs), I'm guessing she's being signed to do more than just stand around shooting t-shirt guns.  GUESSING.
   
  We'll see if she can talk, find out if she can wrestle, but after some of the decisions made the last few months, it's nice to see a female hire of WWE's who looks more like she's eaten meals bigger than Stacy Keibler, rather than looking LIKE Stacy.  Not a rip on anybody, there, just my belief that Trish, Molly, Lita, and Victoria are the women I'm more interested in watching on a weekly basis, and that they can't be a whole division by themselves...
   
  
• Jesus H. Kidneypuncher is opting AGAINST surgery at this point for his neck injury, although at least one doctor advised it. After a brief rehab period, he should actually beat Carlito Cool back into action...  not sure what I should say here other than the guy's apparently a tough sumbitch and a loyal foot soldier for making this decision to work through his condition, and that I hope that he's not putting himself at any increased risk for serious injury.
   
  
• NFL great Reggie White passed away yesterday at the too-young age of 43; he'd only retired from football following the 2000 season, and is almost certain to be elected to the NFL Hall of Fame in his first year of eligibility in 2006.
   
  White was also notable to wrestling fans for two major appearances; first, he was a part of Lawrence Taylor's "All Pro Team" at and leading up to WrestleMania 11; and second, he did a mini-feud with retired-NFL-player-turned-actual-wrestler Mongo McMichael for WCW 2 years later (culminating in an actual match between the two in which, as I recall, White seemed to display more natural ability and athleticism than the trained wrestler, McMichael).  He also had a natural charisma about him that made him memorable to wrestling fans, despite the relative brevity of his involvement in the business.
   
  Condolences go out to all the family, friends, and fans of Reggie White.
   
  
• I think that's about all I got today.  Should be a bit more Business As Usual this week at OO (including RAW Recappening and Satirizing tomorrow), with the added bonuses of all the Year End Awards Columns by all your favorite OO Semi-Stars, too....
   
  Keeping on stopping by, I promise it'll be worth your time!  See you tomorrow....