OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

ONLINE ONSLAUGHT
TEAM COVERAGE:
Armageddon PPV Preview
December 16, 2005 / UPDATED December 17, 2005

Compiled by Rick Scaia
Featuring All Your Favorite OnlineOnslaught.com Semi-Stars

My friends... Armageddon is up us. And for the second year in a row, it's prospects seem about as promising as the soul-crushingly-awful Bruckheimer movie of the same name.

OK, maybe a TOUCH better, but not by much. "Armageddon: the Movie" was a zero-trick pony. Armageddon, the wrestling PPV, is at least a one-trick pony. Any time they dust off Hell in the Cell, you know you're in for at least one 30-minute blood bath, and that counts for something.

Sadly, the build up to the HitC match has

been so awful that -- even despite the gimmick -- some of the luster is missing there. It's hard to give a shit about the final pay-off to a feud that has devolved into storytelling that is so absolutely retarded it makes Cheatum The Evil Midget blowing up Sting's boat seem tolerable by comparison. In 10 years, maybe we'll be able to laugh at Taker/Orton.... but for now, the memory is still too fresh, and the pain still lingers.

Then you move down the card and realize: there's not a single match here that we couldn't expect to see on a perfectly typical episode of SmackDown!. Hell, there's even a couple that look like they'd be more at home on Velocity. Most of the matches actually shape up to be good ones in terms of action, but they just aren't ones that scream "Hey, you: go out of your way to pay to see me!". Not by a long shot.

It's an all-too-common problem for these brand-only PPVs, especially SD's. Here's hoping there are some fresh ideas in the chute, just waiting to be unleashed in the New Year as we hit the traditionally-strong Rumble-to-Mania Corridor.

A quick note about my predictions, so nobody gets confused as to why I'm not in my traditional place as the bottom box for each match: back last week, Erin Anderson had sort of semi-warned me that she might want to do the same thing as the last SD! PPV, where she arrived at her picks based solely on my advice. Since I actually, you know, watch the show. Then it turned into finals week, and I heard nary a peep about that, but even after completing the "skeleton" and match previews, I didn't bother writing up my picks yet, just in case. And it's a good thing... I ended up making a beeline for home around 11pm last night (because the weather was threatening to get retarded; in fact, less than 90 minutes later, the news kept butting in with warnings about how Interstates 70 and 75 were both closed in spots, with back-ups of 12 miles or more, because of the ice; so it looks like I chose wisely). And who should pop up? Erin, asking for help. In a portion of the chat that was edited out (yes, the included transcript *has* been hacked down to size, no matter what you might think), we determined that we'd just go partners on these picks, and I wouldn't bother with my own box. In practice, this amounted to me going through the rationale for my picks, and Erin deciding whether to agree or disagree. But in the end, she agreed on all cases. That's why there's no two boxes and no duplication of effort, although I'm still counting us as two separate votes for each match. Clear? Good.

So let's get on with it. As complete a look at the as-announced card for Sunday's Armageddon PPV as you'll find anywhere! Enjoy...

THE UNDERTAKER vs. RANDY ORTON
Hell in the Cell Match

If this feud were a gestating human fetus, it'd be several weeks over-cooked by now.... it's been over nine months since Randy Orton read (in SmackDown! Magazine) that he was supposed to be challenging the Undertaker to a match at WrestleMania, and two weeks later got around to doing so.

Sadly, that WM22 match has been the highlight of the feud to date. And if anything, following a series of fair-to-middlin' matches throughout the summer and fall, as the rivalry appears to finally be coming to a climax, it's never been dumber than it is right now.

Orton thought he got rid of Taker by winning a Casket Match in October. But magically resurrecting after Casket Matches is one of Taker's most tried-and-true tricks.... and yet, our favorite dimwitted douchebag, Young Randall Orton, was stunned and frightened with Taker returned about a month ago.

And over the course of that month, Orton has also had to act (badly) as though he's genuinely scared by a series of comically UNscary stunts. The Cheese Factor has been rather high as Orton has been daunted by mirror images of Taker that only he can see, conveniently times light- and pyro-shows, remote control cars, and -- in the coup de grace of unintentional comedy -- the Undertaker's voice speaking out of the face-hole of announcer Josh Matthews.

It's truly been a character-debasing and counter-productive month for both men. Taker's supernatural powers have never been sillier, and Orton's spineless fraidy-cat responses and non-stop being-made-to-look-like-a-pussy have undermined whatever credibility he might have built up.

And yet, for as bad as the storytelling's been, this is still Hell in the Cell. It's still one of WWE's most bankable gimmick matches. Bad HitC matches are quite rare, and thus... one can still hold out hope that the Gay Spookiness takes a hike, and this is just a flat-out exciting 30-minute capper on a long-running feud. No, there isn't a crazy-ass stuntman (like Mick Foley) or an undisputed top-shelf worker (like Shawn Michaels) in the equation on Sunday... but there doesn't have to be for this to be an intense and well-worked brawl. HitC has shown us that before, and as long as this match tends more towards Nash/HHH and less towards Taker/Bossman, I think we'll all be very satisfied with the results.

Problem is, the way the story going in has been set up, it's really hard to care about who wins or loses. If Taker wins, then it's just the expected, since he's spent the last month making Randy his bitch. If Orton wins, then it doesn't matter, since Taker will just rise again from the dead to fight another day... WWE's booked itself into a corner where -- even though this is clearly intended to be the big blow-off to the feud -- my interest in it has never been lower. I think the only thing I'm cheering for is for it to be over, so the awful attempts at spookiness will end....

The OOutlOOk
Undertaker wins: 5 votes --|-- Orton wins: 4 votes

Erin Anderson and Rick Scaia Agree That... Randy Orton d. Undertaker.
Erin : Rick. Help.
Rick : Um, how's about a "hello" or something? Sometimes I worry about your manners and social graces, E...
Erin : Hi, Rick! How's it going? Good to see you! Now: Help me.
Rick : Hello, right back at you. And again with the PPV help?
Erin : Well, it occurred to me that I should probably get some advice from somebody who actually watches Smackdown before making my picks.
Rick : Hmmm... I'm pretty sure Matt Hocking watches SmackDown!... and you've just made him cry, E. NOBODY LOVES HIM~! Way to foment intra-staff hostility and jealousy!
Erin : Hey, I try.
Rick : Well, at least this time, your excuse can be you just wanted to get your advice from the Current Pay Per View Predictions Leader, seeing as how you need all the help you can get in the standings... and that leader is The Me!
Erin : Okay, if anybody asks, I'll pretend that's the reason, then.
Erin : Where the hell am I in the rankings, anyway?
Rick : Ummm, like 7th or something. In no danger of besting me, but at least clear of the cellar we shared last year.
Erin : So what possible harm is there in you helping me?
Rick : Alright.... I'm here, l guess I can try to drag you up a few percentage points, if you like.
Erin : Yes, please do.
Rick : Six matches, only three good, and once you look at them, only two that'll take a whole lotta talkin' about.... OK, I'll be your hucklebuck.
Erin : Isn't it "I'm your huckleberry?" Or have I seen Tombstone too many times?
Rick : Until Monday, I always took my cue from "Tombstone," too. But Trevor Murdoch introduced a heretofore unheard (by me, anyway) variation that I've been annoying everybody I know with.
Erin : And I'm your newest victim. Joy.

Erin : Okay, so what matches are we looking at, here?
Rick : Taker/Orton's your main event, I assume. Not that it deserves to be. It's Hell in the Cell, but goddammit, the storytelling the past 3 weeks has been so bad that this HitC could possibly do as much damage to the credibility of this stipulation as "Kennel in a Cell" did lo those many years ago.
Erin : WHAT?
Rick : Well, maybe not really. Orton and Taker will still bring it with an intense brawl, I'm sure. But god am I ever pissed with how shitty things have gotten on SD! lately.
Erin : God. It sounds like if this feud had a neck, I'd want to strangle it.
Rick : So you did not see WWE Diva Josh Mathews' mouth moving, but the Undertaker's voice was coming out, causing Young Randall to crap his man panties? That was truly heroically retarded TV, E. And a whole slew of things in the same basic Retardation Bracket for the entire basis of Sunday's match.
Erin : You're kidding, right? Please tell me you're kidding.
Erin : Somehow I doubt the effect was as dramatic as when it was used in "The Exorcist."
Rick : Nope. No joke. You need to study less finals and read more OO columns, dammit! I've been thrashing this crapfest for, like, the past week.
Erin : I'll catch up, don't worry. It's too awful not to.
Erin : [Italian accent]WWE, why you do this to me?[/accent]
Rick : Well, I think I'd only perplex you further if I wasted your time with the mind-numbingly awful build-up (I'll have to put it all in the Match Preview section, anyway, and since I know you're a mark for seeing your name in print, the PPV Preview is something I know you'll read promptly, anyway; no point making you read about it twice).... what we care about is the winner, right?
Erin : Not really, but let's pretend.
Rick : Zing. What we "need to determine" is the winner, right?
Erin : That's more like it.
Erin : Fuck. Orton's going to win, isn't he?
Rick : He's my pick, and I'll tell you why.....
Erin : Taker doesn't win Hell in a Cell matches unless he's killing Mick Foley.
Rick : Because WWE thinks they need Orton heading into WM22 more than they really do. Because Orton has looked like such a fucking sac-less putz as he actually sells being scared of all the crap on SD! that the only way -- in "WWE Think" for him to regain any credibility is by finally getting one up on Taker. And also because WWE knows that Taker can "lose" gimmick matches like this and then just rise again on the third day to reclaim his heat....
Rick: It's been so long since we've had a HitC with a "signature spot," that I kinda hope we're building up to one on Sunday. In "Rick Think," you have Orton be the victim of said Big Highspot and lose the match; because there's no shame in losing to Taker, and the more important thing is somehow re-establishing Randall's credibility with fans, which (because of how crappy this storyline has been) would be better served by putting on a sweet, ballsy in-cell performance than it would by winning the match. Of course, this will not happen, and I'd bet it's infinitely more likely that any "signature spot" would be more along the lines of a Gay Spooky Spot (or a highly-choreographed bump that looks about as convincing as Rikishi's HitC bump, if you remember that one) to explain Orton stealing a win.
Erin : My money's on "Gay Spooky."
Rick : I honestly think that SD! thinks they need heels, and I think they put Orton at the top of that depth chart.... I mean, they're right, they are short on heels, and that's the only reason for bringing in (and mostly wasting) Show and Kane from RAW, I figure. But that still doesn't mean that Orton as #1 Contender is the only alternative. What they forget is that before Eddie died, he was the most compelling challenger for Batista's title, and Eddie was *not* a heel at the time. There *are* other options on SD!.....
Rick : I just fear WWE's not in any mood to acknowledge/explore them.
Erin : It ain't a fear, it's a fact. Sigh.
Erin : So Orton wins. Pardon me while I fix myself a drink.
Rick : You are pardoned. Just be sure to pardon me back if my own on-going cocktailing results in any tangential rambling or bad-typing. I shouldn't Drink and AIM, but Thursday night is the unofficial start of the weekend, and I've already been honoring that for a couple hours.
Erin: I'm sure you'll be just fine.
Rick : So anyway: I think Orton "needs" the win, here, if SD!'s plan is to send him up against Batista. And then Taker can go away again till Rumble-ish, when the Fed can start whatever it is they intend to start in terms of Taker's WrestleMania 22 feud. For some reason, I'm envision something with the Boogeyman. Which'll suck. Unless WWE buys my WM22 Fantasy Booking Package (price to them: hmmmm, how's $50,000 sound?), in which the Boogeyman is befriended by Goldust, and the feud is actually really funny as the duo attempt to teach Taker the meaning of "Gay Spooky."
Rick : And *not* that kind of "gay," no matter WHAT they say about Goldust, either!
Erin : Goldust is coming back? Or is this wishful thinking?
Rick : Well, he's unemployed and his dad is working for the company now. I figure it wouldn't take much at all to get Dustin back in the gold lame jumpsuit.
Erin : And there would be much rejoicing. Awesome.
Rick : I've got some pretty funny ideas for BoogeyDust. But of course, none of them will actually happen.... and we're getting off-track. Our mission here was to decide a winner: I say Orton, you agreed (grudgingly) under the influence of alcohol, and so we move on?
Erin : Yes, please. No more Orton.

Canadian Bulldog Says... Randy Orton d. Undertaker.
Greetings, everyone, from fabulous Las Vegas! I've been on vacation this week, soaking in everything unholy Sin City has to offer, but when The Rick called me into duty, I knew I had no choice but to be there for the team...

... even though I know that, when you combine (a) the fact that I haven't watched SmackDown since the last Shitty PPV and (b) my awful track record for prognostications this year, my predictions aren't going to be terrific. Which is why I've decided to include for you, the reader, absolutely free, some BONUS RANDOM OBSERVATIONS about Vegas in between my match picks. Would Pyrofalkon do something like this for you people? I DON'T THINK SO!!!

So first, the Walking Factor. If you've never been to Vegas before, you look at the pictures and think all of these Mega-Hotels are within a quick walk of each other. WRONG, buddy! Yes, you can walk the whole strip, but be prepared to spend an entire day doing it. And in my case, I think I broke my foot in the process. As I type this, my right foot is in a wastebasket in my hotel room (because it would look dumb typing this on a blackjack table) which is filled to the brim with ice. Yee-owtch!

On to the match: Putting the so-called Gay Spookiness aside for a moment, this has been a decent little feud. It started fairly randomly, but through the addition of Ace, Randy's heel turn and the sheer longevity, it's turned into an entity all its own. Does it deserve to headline its own PPV? No, but this is SmackDown we're talking about...

Orton needs to win this if he wants to headline shows with Batista, which I'm assuming is the plan until WrestleMania. Taker has at least lost a few Cell matches in his day, which shows me that verrrrrrrry, very rarely, he'll at least do a job if it surves a purpose. So my vote goes to Mr. Orton! Orton! BAH GAWD, ORTON!!!

The Cubs Fan Says... Undertaker d. Randy Orton.
The SmackDown! spoilers appear to end with Orton getting a token advantage over Undertaker for the first time since a lowrider was involved. It won't take a single person believe he's going to win here.

There's not much to say about this match. We know: the PPV is leveraged around Undertaker in HitC, how this PPV is to be remembered will solely be determined by this match, they'll have a tough time delivering to the expectations for the show, it probably won't be have a crazy stunt like
the first few matches of this type, and Orton will bleed a ton. Without having someone fall off the cage, I think they'll use every trick they have to make it work, but I'm not sure if it'll be worth the show.

Matt Hocking Says... Undertaker d. Randy Orton.
So...Randy Orton can't beat Undertaker. Undertaker shouldn't be able to win his "specialty match." Look, I have no earthly idea who the hell is going to win this match. In my opinion as a wrestling columnist, either ending is entirely possible and highly unlikely. Everything on Smackdown with Spooky Taker is pointing to Orton losing, especially since IF Taker DOES lose the feud will have to go on because Taker CANNOT DIE! If Taker wins then, nobody goes anywhere anyway, because neither guy has a readily available feud, and Taker never wins these matches anyway.

I pretty much think that the most acceptable course of action is to have Taker win, end the feud here and start something new for both guys leading up to the Royal Rumble. Hell, I can't even fathom what they're thinking with Mania this year, so Taker winning is as good a guess as any right? They've done enough to build him up as "undefeatable" despite the fact that Orton has consistantly beaten him for months now.

I'll predict that it will be a bloody match, nobody's taking any big bumps I don't think, but it'll be enough that there will be some "concern" for Orton. Both guys will hit finishers and brawl around the cage. How's that for vague? Taker takes it with the Tombstone.

Adam Gutschmidt Says... Undertaker d. Randy Orton.

I apologize to you readers if this is posted before this week's Smackdown. In order to properly do these picks, I had to read the spoilers and base some of my choices based on the events that happen on that show. This match is one of those that I needed the spoilers for. The build for this has been eye-ball rolling ludicrous. Still it is Hell in a Cell and we should be confident that it will at least be better than the Taker/Bossman HiaC. To pick a winner for this is tough since one could make good arguments for each. If we are to believe reports, then it appears that Orton will be worming his way back into the world title picture again soon. There's no better way to make a convincing argument for him to be #1 contender than by having him win this match. However, there are a couple of reasons why Taker should get the win here. First of all, this will be the end of this feud (or at least I pray it is) and typically the face wins the closing match of the feud. Secondly, there is the old standby that "Taker never jobs on PPV". Well he's already had a couple of jobs, so I think he's probably due for a win. Finally, Smackdown ended this week with Orton having the upper hand, which would also dictate that Taker gets the win. For all those reasons, I'm choosing the dead man. Let's just hope, regardless of outcome, that "hell" refers to a good bloody brawl and not 20 mins. of chinlocks.

Jeb Tennyson Lund Says... Undertaker d. Randy Orton.
In the interest of full disclosure, let me tell you two things:
1. I had to get slightly hammered before I could even consider bothering with a preview for this PPV. All things considered, I’d much rather be reading Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman — which admittedly, I’ve read before, but which I just got back after a long and painful lending period to a friend of mine who I know to be less than concerned about keeping books in good condition.

2. I’m only making these predictions so, in the event that I win the annual battle for best prediction percentage, I cannot be accused of coasting on my record and backing into a victory. When Teddy Ballgame could have won the batting title by being benched for a doubleheader, he said screw that and went out and knocked line drives into the outfied and improved his percentages. Here’s hoping I can do the same.

Anyway, I don’t think Orton wins here. One, because I won’t pick him to win. I just won’t. If there’s a reason my winning percentage isn’t above .900, it’s because I have willingly picked against Orton (and booking logic) because I hate Orton, and because I’ve frequently picked Jericho against logic simply because I like Jericho. If anyone who is not me wins this year’s percentage battle, I’ll know in my heart of hearts that it’s because I willingly took a dive on at least five or six predictions.

Regardless, WWE needs Orton to be sort of face-ish and to rehabilitate his credibility with the fans as a solid performer. I think having him beat the Undertaker is the wrong way to go, in this regard, as his unrealistically beating wrestlers in the past (Benoit) is what gave him his credibility problem to begin with. The best course, at least to my imagination, is to have Orton throw everything, including the kitchen sink, at Undertaker, but still come up short. Let’s call this the Foley Method. Orton keeps pace for most of the match, does one signature, “Man, that’s fucked up” spot, then keeps kicking out and kicking out. Finally, Taker kills him, but Orton stands up on his own and walks out, head held high. If he does it by brushing off his dad and walking alone, that will do wonders for him. He will have lost, logically, but he also will have become a man by doing it. Or, at least less of a barely tolerable dingbat.

PyroFalkon Says... Randy Orton d. Undertaker.
I’m writing this on Thursday, so I haven’t read the spoilers or seen the last episode of SD before Armageddon. Up to now, Orton has been in the position of the coward, of the one who is always behind, of the one who hasn’t gotten a leg up on the Taker since the lame car crash a few weeks ago.

They’re building this up like they did JBL last year, where Orton is at a point where he has to win this. After all the mind games that Taker has played, if Orton doesn’t come through with a win, it’s even worse character suicide. And it’s not like Taker has anything to gain by going over here.

Big Danny T Says... Undertaker d. Randy Orton.
It's been well over a month since I've seen any part of an episode of Smackdown, so I'm pretty much going blind with only the sparse Smackdown Rewind segments and the one tuesday special to get me by. Based solely on those however, I have this to say: Orton must get his ass BEAT DOWN! I dont' care about the gay spooky shit thats been cropping up all over the place, all I care about is that Undertaker finally ends this thing with Orton once and for all. Orton got the casket match, time to give up the HIAC.

BATISTA/REY MYSTERIO vs. BIG SHOW/KANE
Cross-Brand Tag Match

By the time this match happens on Sunday, both these teams will be tag team champions of their respective brands. It's unknown whether any titles will be on the line. My suspicion is that there won't be, since if it's title-for-title, that either guarantees a lame non-finish, or guarantees WWE has unnecessarily complicated matters by putting two tag titles on one brand.

And yet, if there are no titles on the line here, then this is just another flaccid, no-consequences-having installment in the RAW vs. SD! feud that has really started to flounder. It was cute, for a while, to have cross-brand matches just for the sake of having them... but now, they are being done so often, with no explanation as to why and with absolutely no tangible prize on the line, that it's kinda getting boring.

Hell, RAW has even given up entirely on acknowledging the "battle" of the brands; SD!'s all pissed-as-hell and taking up arms against RAW invaders, with promos and matches and vast chunks of Friday night TV time dedicated to taking action against RAW. But on Monday's, the "battle" gets about a 5-second throw-away mention during the Big Show's ring entrance, and that's it. How important is the "battle" if one side's not even really fighting?

That makes this match less about the brands, and more just about the personalities involved. The hostilities there go back a little over a month.... leading into Survivor Series, Batista was "injured" by Show and Kane (a TV injury meant to explain Batista's limitations due to a real torn muscle in his back). Batista was double chokeslammed through both a car windshield and an announce table by Show and Kane. At Survivor Series, Batista was unable to get his revenge, and was once again beaten at the hands of Show and Kane (they chokeslammed him, and eliminated him from the match). A few days later on a Tuesday SD! Special, Big Show was -- again with no explanation as to the mechanism that allowed this to happen -- competing on the opposing brand in a match against Rey. He essentially beat the crap out of Rey for 15 minutes (including slamming him onto the hood of Eddie Guerrero's low-rider).

So basically: there's no discernable reason to care about the RAW vs. SD! implications here, because WWE gave us no discernable explanation for why the cross-brand stuff is being allowed to continue, and it's not even being acknowledged on RAW.... but there are, in terms of a simple wrestling storyline, reasons why these four men don't like each other and would want to hook it up.

Show and Kane are presented as heels when on SD!, and I think the prospects for this being a good-or-better match hinge a lot on how much heat they can get on themselves, even though most fans natural instincts (because of RAW) would be to cheer them... the part of the match where Rey will do an excellent job of bumping around like a pinball will be fun, no matter what, but whether this match gets over the hump as a total package will be determined by just how much drama and sizzle there is when the three power men are doing their things. And with Batista still nowhere near 100%, those things might be even a bit more limited than usual, so telling a story and having the fans enthralled with it is absolutely of paramount importance.

The OOutlOOk
Batista/Rey win: 8 votes
Big Show/Kane win: 1 vote

Erin Anderson and Rick Scaia Agree That... Batista/Rey d. Show/Kane.
Erin : All righty, what's next?
Rick : OK, inter-brand tag team match.... Batista and Rey Mysterio vs. Big Show and Kane. If it were anybody other than you, I'd be hesitant to hand out a Spoiler, but I know how you roll, TV Grrrrrl. No show left unwatched, no spoiler left unread, and all! So I'll point out that this'll actually be "Champions vs. Champions" by the time it happens on Sunday. Batista and Mysterio will take the SD! titles away from M, N, and Melina tomorrow on SD!.
Erin : I didn't even know MNM were the tag champions again, so I don't think that counts as a spoiler.
Erin : Million dollar question: are the belts on the line?
Erin : Actually, could you hold that thought? I want to take a quick break, if that's OK.... "In the Year 2000" with Jack Black is on Conan.

[five minute break]

Erin : Okay, I'm back. Sorry.
Rick : No apologies necessary. Jack Black on Conan is one of the few things on TV I'll gladly endorse as worthwhile viewing... I even popped over into the other room to watch, my own self. The last joke, where Jack broke down into a wrestling-style promo is EXACTLY why I have this fixation on seeing WWE do a Tenacious D vs. Fozzy "Rock Off" storyline. Jericho and Jables with live mics would be comic gold!
Erin : You know what else could be funny? R. Kelly vs. Fozzy.
Rick : You're actually comparing the comedic and musical genius of Jack Black up against R Kelly, E? C'mon, what's the funniest thing you've seen that Cosmic Joke do lately?
Erin : You obviously did not watch the Billboard Music Awards.
Rick : No, I obviously did not.
Erin : I, being a pop culture whore, was kind of obligated to do so.
Erin : Anyway, our dear R. Kelly closed out the show, performing a song he wrote in dedication to the victims of Hurricane Katrina.
Erin : And there are so many things wrong with that, my head exploded.
Rick : R Kelly and Katrina? For real? I can't even begin to imagine...
Erin : Yeah, just try to wrap your brain around that.

Rick : So pickin' up where we last left off /
I probably got my bitch /
Probably a pistol, too /
And so we're talking /
About the preceding 33 chapters /
And all of a sudden, out da closet /
Here comes a freaking hurricane, yo /
So I picked up my gun /
I said, "What the fuck you doin' in my closet, bitch?" /
She said, "My name's Katrina, /
And check out my Category Five Shit, yo" /
And I said, "No way, whore /
Nobody fucks with my peoples" /
So I pointed my pistol /
Right at the bitch's eye /
But then out da closet /
Came FEMA Director Michael Browne /
He looked at me /
I looked at him /
Our eyes locked and he said /
"R Kelly, I'm so totally gay for you" /
And I said "Oh Hell Yeah-eh-yeah-eh-yeah-eh-yeah" /
And he said, "So you wanna make out?" /
And so I said "Hell Yeah" again /
And my bitch got freaked out and hooked up with some cop /
Or something /
Probably /
I guess /
Is anybody even paying attention to this shit anymore? /
So anyway, that's the real story /
About the federal response /
That was so slo-oo-oo-ooo-ow /
Cuz Brownie and Me /
We was ignoring that bitch Katrina /
So we could make the sweet sweet love /
At least until somebody else busts out da closet /
In Chapter 35, five, five, five, five, five. Yo.

Rick : Sorry.... don't know what got into me there. But that's about the only thing I can envision R Kelly doing about the hurricane...
Erin : HA! You need to drink and AIM more often!
Erin : But I think we're getting off track a bit here.... unless I missed the part of Trapped in the Closet Chapter 34 that explains why Big Show and Kane will win?
Rick : Heh. You need to listen to it backwards, E. Then and only then will the Secret Prediction be revealed. And it's that Batista and Rey will win.
Erin : Really? Even with Batista being hurt, Rey being tossed around like a fucking frisbee, and RAW needing some kind of win after the Survivor Series embarrassment?
Rick : Yes. Even after everything you just said, the simple fact is: on TV, RAW doesn't give a shit about this cross-brand feud. SD!'s all gung-ho and trying to protect their turf, but RAW simply doesn't seem to care. The only way to get their attention is if SD! wins again. Only that will light a fire back under RAW's ass. Only that will make the brand vs. brand dealy a going-concern again.
Erin : Maybe you've got a point. That, and Batista needs to get revenge for Show and Kane putting him through the windshield of a car.
Rick : You definitely got a point there. Not just the windshield, but also eliminating him at Survivor Series. Plus: in a non-finish situation, Show mopped the mat with Rey on the Tuesday SD! thing, so Rey could use the revenge, too..... so yeah, I think Batista and Rey are the logical winners as it furthers the brand feud and pays off on a few semi-storylines.
Erin : And thus the war begins all over again, I suppose. I can't complain, I guess. I liked the feuding brands when Stephanie and Bischoff were constantly trying to one-up each other.
Erin : (Or maybe I just liked it because Heyman was booking.)
Rick : Well, yes, you liked it because Heyman was booking..... but yeah, I like the idea of this almost being an all new start to the RAW/SD! war. And this time, for fuck's sake, they need to make it be ABOUT SOMETHING; everything leading up to Survivor Series was just fluffery, there were no stipulations, no consequences in terms of winning and losing the cross-brand matches... a do-over where they fix that problem heading into cross-brand WM22 matches would be ideal. Best way to do that: Batista and Rey win, I think. Going back to that issue of which (if any) tag belts will be on the line, I'm kind of hoping none, cuz that would just make things really messy, but then again....
Erin : Yeah, maybe the SD guys winning the RAW belts would be a good way to jump-start the feud. I dunno. Okay, you talked me into it. Batista and Rey win.

Canadian Bulldog Says... Batista/Rey d. Show/Kane.
Let's talk about Vegas buffets. What the fuck IS IT with all these people? Have they never seen food before? They're loading their plates (the SAME plate, mind you) with, like, chicken, and cheerios, and sushi, and jello... People - you will have more than one opportunity to fill your plates! They're not going to pull the plug on the eats anytime soon; you're guaranteed it! And then I'm standing right behind The Idiot Family of Podunkville, USA (perhaps you've heard of them?) They keep stopping every 30 seconds in line and examining everything. I'm like "Just take the fucking soup, pal, and move on!". And then they ask the chefs these moronic questions like "What is this?" "Oh, that light-brown frozen substance in the container clearly marked 'Ice Cream'? That's a pot roast, you FUCKING JACKASS!"

So is this match title vs. title, or what? And does anyone even care? Why couldn't they have just given Batista's spot to JBL, and then you'd at least have a strong inter-brand storyline going? Sigh...

The thing is, I am really starting to dig this Kane-Show team, and they BELONG on SmackDown, where there's at least a decent effort to get a tag team division going. But how can they win here, when there is probably very little chance of interpromotional stuff going down between now and WrestleMania? Especially where the champion is concerned... so that's why I'm giving the nod to Rey and Batista. They kind of HAVE to win here, I'd think.

The Cubs Fan Says... Show/Kane d. Batista/Rey.
This feels like a very special house main event, rather the World Champion's involvement on a PPV. It's an illustration of the lack of non-JBL main event heels for SmackDown! more than anything, and everything else being ignored, I'd think it'd be a setup to Big Show moving back over to SmackDown! full time to give Batista someone to work with. (Kane, as a elimination chamber participant, would be too busy.) There's the problem, everything else is Triple H's feud with Show on
RAW, and when it comes down to a choice between HHH and SmackDown!, I don't think the blue show is going to win. (If anything, they're more likely to use this match to get over the HHH feud - maybe involvement?)

I'm back to regarding this as a match with no particular meaning, between the two top stars of the show and two guys who won't be on the show after this, and the result seems pretty easy. It's a going to be a long night for Rey.

Matt Hocking Says... Batista/Rey d. Show/Kane.
It's Smackdown's PPV. Not that that means anything, but for whatever reason, Vince seems happily intent to give pushing Smackdown the old college try, and they've been picking up PPV wins against RAW since Taboo Tuesday. Not to mention the fact that Batista is one of the top stars of the company, not to take anything away from Show and Batista, but there's no reason to believe that they'll treat the World Champion to a loss on his PPV, even if he is injured and not defending the title.

Kane and Show control the majority of the match against Mysterio, hot tag to Dave who cleans house and gets the pin. One interesting possibility? How about if Triple H shows up to attack Show during the course of the match. It's an interesting dynamic, and it fits in better with the WWE's storylines than this, which is pretty much a cover-up for the fact that A) Eddie's passing sent them scrambing to find something for Batista to do, and B) Batista's too injured to do anything but this kind of random tag stuff anyway. The point is kind of moot though, as Orton/Taker is pretty much the main event of the show even IF Dave could defend.

Adam Gutschmidt Says... Batista/Rey d. Show/Kane.

I'm having difficulty giving the win to the faces here, since usually the top two matches aren't both won by faces. However, given the storyline establishes for this match, this seems like the more likely choice. Show and Kane have had the advantage ever since before the Survivor Series. They've attacked Batista a number of times and Rey has felt their wrath as well. Plus, it's about time that a brand got an inter-promotional match win on their own show. On top of that, we now have to explore the possibilities of title unification. With Batista & Rey winning the straps, this match could consolidate the belts. If that is the case, then the faces winning also makes sense. Show is already pursuing singles feuds on RAW, so there's no sense in having them keep their titles. Plus, there are a whole lot more tag teams on SD than there are on RAW, so having the unified titles remain on that show works as well. Now that I've explained all this logic, they'll go ahead and defy it by having Show and Kane win.

Jeb Tennyson Lund Says... Batista/Rey d. Show/Kane.
I’m picking Batista and Rey for two reasons. One, they’re ostensibly the faces here, and this isn’t a feud that needs to last into the next year. In this case, you blow it all off by having the faces win. Two, Show and Kane together create a figurative event horizon of pay-per-view jobbing. By entering the ring together, their communal “I Suck Whenever a Big Match Is On the Line” gravity will slow their already ruminant pace and drag their shoulders to the mat — even without Batista/Rey’s work — almost as a gesture of cosmic inevitability.

PyroFalkon Says... Batista/Rey d. Show/Kane.
Sorta like what I just said, they’re building this to where I think only Rey and Batista can win. Plus, if WWE is surging ahead with this whole brand rivalry, and the majority of the fans still think RAW is the better brand, then they’ll have to give SmackDown! a win. I mean, they already gave them two at Survivor Series, but they’ll need a few more before I start buying that the brands are as equal as WWE wants me to believe they are.

No matter what the outcome, it’s probably going to be a pretty popular match. Just don’t expect any chokeslams against Batista.

Big Danny T Says... Batista/Rey d. Show/Kane.
To have Big Show/Kane go over here makes absolutely no sense. If they win, they simply prove to the viewing audience that they are right when they call Smackdown the Bush Leagues. A victory by Batista/Rey is vital here.

BOOKER T vs. CHRIS BENOIT
Match 4 in Best of Seven Series to Determine US Champ

This one's easy.... if you really care about the backstory, just go back and read the Survivor Series PPV Preview. That's where Match #1 in this series happened, and I'm in no mood to re-tell a story that I already told once. Especially since that's still pretty much all the story there is, here; Booker and Benoit have been too busy wrestling the past 3 weeks to worry about much in the way of a changing storyline dynamic...

The current tally has Booker T pitching a shut-out on Benoit. He's leading 3-0. As you would expect, he's built that lead up by not-exactly-just means. But he's got it, nonetheless.

The first three matches in the series have easily been good-or-better. Now, getting to build on that, and with the strong likelihood of a hot crowd that doesn't want to see Benoit get swept, chances are good that this'll be the best of the series so far. If Benoit's not the victim of a non-stop flurry of convincing near falls at some point after the 15-minute mark of this match, I'd be stunned.... that's exactly the way you get the crowd popping, and the way you convey Benoit's tenacity. Moves that would keep a normal man down, and he's kicking out. Moves that would keep BENOIT down on a normal night, and he's still kicking out. Because his back's against the wall, and he's not going down without a fight.

Could be pretty sweet.

The OOutlOOk
Benoit wins: 9 votes --|-- Booker T wins: 0 votes

Erin Anderson and Rick Scaia Agree That... Chris Benoit d. Booker T.
Rick : Then next up, E, is Booker vs. Benoit. Match 4 of a "best of seven" series. Booker's up three to zero. Benoit's contract, though still not renewed, ain't up till January. You do the math.
Erin : Umm... Benoit?
Rick : There's no other outcome I can envision. This series must continue, no matter how lopsided up to this point. Much like the 2004 ALCS. Which is still your fault.
Erin : And I'm still not sorry. :)

Canadian Bulldog Says... Chris Benoit d. Booker T.
Let's talk high-stakes gambling. I think I have a proven system to win every time. You may want to print this out for future reference. I shared my theories with OO Hall of Famer Jeb Tennyson Lund during a drunken phone call recently (I was the one who was wrecked, though Jeb could have been as well, who knows?). Anyways, here's my theory: Never, ever, lose.

Surprisingly, I haven't been able to put this into practice yet. Thankfully, only a few hundred bucks down the drain. So far (I still have one more night of debauchery left).

Oh, yeah, Benoit/Booker: Unless WWE is going for a "sweep the world series" kind of vibe, which actually I don't think has ever been done in wrestling (and come to think of it, I can only remember one 2/3 falls match that ended in two straight falls), then Benoit is going over here. Simple as that.

The Cubs Fan Says... Chris Benoit d. Booker T.
Far more intriguing than this match is the mystery of Benoit's status; I think the smart move is for him to re-sign (and for the WWE to give him what he wants to re-sign), though I probably would enjoy the oddness of Globe Trotting Chris Benoit a bit more. I wouldn't have him lose here regardless of his decision; Benoit's reached the point where he can't be
buried by individual losses or even a bad month. More so, Benoit losing 0-4 would be a big red flag to even the densest mark that something was up with Benoit and people should be seeking out other promotions to see him. I'm not sure you want to advertise a jump like that.

I didn't have high expectations for this series last month, and now I look like a fool. They've been consistently good to great throughout, and I think that'll be no different here. It seems to me doing three straight matches where the winner is not in doubt would be hard to get over, but I don't put anything past these guys.

Matt Hocking Says... Chris Benoit d. Booker T.
Look, Unless Benoit IS on his way out of the company, and nothing I've heard says that he is, at least not anymore, then he pretty much has to win ONE of these matches. Now if he does, leave then that whole point is moot and Booker would win this match. See? I hate dealing with the vageries of backstage politics when it comes to booking feuds over midcard titles. The things I do for you people!

In any event, I expect a silly Booker promo about sweeping Benoit, possibly involving a broom of some sort to help get across the metaphor for some of our slower viewers, and then another long, solid match with Benoit locking in the Crossface to put himself back into contention. I fully expect, then, that they'd try to stretch this out all the way to the Rumble, at which point Sharmell will stab Benoit in the face with the tiara.

Adam Gutschmidt Says... Chris Benoit d. Booker T.

Here's another where this should be a safe decision, yet I don't feel very comfortable making it. They've set themselves with a nice story in that Booker has cheated his way into a 3-0 advantage. You have Michael Cole screaming that "something needs to be done about this". What better way to have that happen than by having Benoit overcome the odds and win four straight. That's the way I would like it to go down and I think that's the way it should go down. However, there are still these nagging reports that Benoit may not resign with the company and they've given Booker this big advantage so that way they can pull the plug on this series at any time if Benoit doesn't resign. Here's hoping that Benoit decides to stick with the WWE, both for the sake of my pick and for the prospects of me remaining a WWE watcher if he leaves.

Jeb Tennyson Lund Says... Chris Benoit d. Booker T.
I’m just going with “duh” here. I don’t see any reason to waste my time or yours explaining why.

PyroFalkon Says... Chris Benoit d. Booker T.
Please. When does a best-of-seven in wrestling end after four matches?

Big Danny T Says... Chris Benoit d. Booker T.
Come on, you don't actually think they'd do a best of 7 that's over in 4 matches now, do you?

JUVENTUD GUERRERA vs. KID KASH
Cruiserweight Title Match

To the best of my memory, Kid Kash had never even been seen on SmackDown! until last week. He was languishing on Velocity, despite being a rare Jamie-Noble-esque case of a super-talented Cruiserweight with Actual Personality.

But then, out of nowhere, last week he shows up to assist MNM -- well, only M and N, really -- as they found themselves in a brawl against the three Mexicools. Kash's arrival evened the odds up, and the heels got the better of the Mexicools, with Kash laying out Cruiserweight Champ, Juventud, as part of the brawl.

And while M and N had already been locked into a PPV date with Psicosis and Super Crazy, Juvi was still lacking a dance partner. So hey, it's pretty logical if we go ahead and throw together a little CW Title match, no? Works for me.

If this got 15 minutes and a greenlight from management to go full-speed, it could absolutely rule the universe. Kash is a definite favorite of mine, and his ability to exude the quality of Prickishness while still hitting sweet-ass moves puts a little extra sizzle on all his matches. Of course, that said, expect more like 6 minutes, and orders from backstage to keep the throttle at 45% or so.

The OOutlOOk
Kid Kash wins: 5 votes --|-- Juventud wins: 4 votes

Erin Anderson and Rick Scaia Agree That... Kid Kash d. Juventud.
Rick : Juventud Guerrera vs. Kid Kash for the Cruiserweight Title. I was more confident in my guess when MNM vs. the Mexicools was still for the tag titles, but I think I still know where they're going, E.... what's your guess?
Erin : I haven't the faintest fucking clue.
Erin : Juvi wins through dastardly use of a lawnmower. I dunno.
Rick : Well, here's the Cliff's Notes: Kid Kash is really sweet and he's joined forces with MNM.... now that the Mexicools/MNM match isn't for the tag titles, I think that the new way to keep 3-on-3 hostilities going is for Kash to win the CW Title.
Erin : Oh, I know how good Kid Kash is. I saw him at a TNA show last year in Nashville. And good god, those were some frightening fans -- if they had their own entrance music, it would have been "Dueling Banjos."
Erin : Well, I trust your judgment, then. Of course, this is assuming that WWE actually has a plan for the cruiserweights.
Rick : Yeah.... if nothing else: babyface Juvi chasing heel Kash is a better formula than Juvi squashing somebody as talented as Kash back to Velocity webcasts, so that is definitely my pick.
Erin : Then Kid Kash it is.

Canadian Bulldog Says... Juventud d. Kid Kash.
Do you know that, when you walk on the streets of the Vegas strip, people hand out trading cards of hookers? It's true, it's damn true! I was just walking down the street, broken foot and all, when some guy handed me a Candi rookie card. I don't know WHY people would make their prostitution decisions based on their stats on the back of a card, but there you go. I've almost got the complete set. If anyone knows where I can find a 1993 MVP of Ginger, holla back.

Which segues nicely into Juvy vs Kash... Damn, I thought Juventud LOST the cruiser title. No? Was I just imagining that? I admit, while I haven't watched the shows every week, I've at least tried to keep up with the spoilers, etc. This one I didn't even hear about....

And is this Kash's first match on SmackDown? Well, I think that tells me that he's not winning the belt here. Then again.... this is just the cruiserweight title we're talking about, which has been held by Funaki, Chavo, Jacquelyn and The Easter Bunny over the past couple of years. So I suppose its possible that Kash gets the upset here. But why?

The Cubs Fan Says... Kid Kash d. Juventud.
WWE's focus on the Cruiserweight division is like ADD person watching digital cable. They're not really paying enough attention to tell you what's going on, but when the mood strikes them, they enjoy changing channels. This is a channel changer. This would probably be a nutty match without WWE restrictions, but that's not the match they're doing here. Kid Kash hasn't been spotlighted enough for the main audience to care all that much (and you could probably say the same about Juvi), so they're going to have to work hard.

Matt Hocking Says... Kid Kash d. Juventud.
Lord knows what possesd WWE to think that Kid Kash should be thrown out on PPV after hitting one (1) memorable spot since signing a contract, that at One Night Stand. I'm guessing they're banking on...his popularity from TNA? Who knows. I really don't have any problems with Kash or anything, but to the uninitiated WWE audience, this is just some dude showing up to the PPV and getting into the ring, and I don't exactly have high hopes for him and Juvi getting crap loads of time to show off their Flippy Shit (tm TNA) offense.

All that said, I'm going to make a new rule. If the guy's first major match is for a title? He's going to win. There's no reason to suggest that Kash ISN'T going to win the title. I love Juvi, and I actually like the Mexicools when they're not on Internet Velocity, but you might as well let Kash have this one, eh? Soon Jamie Noble will be back, and it'll almost be like they have their own division and everything!

Adam Gutschmidt Says... Juventud d. Kid Kash.

It's nice to see Kid Kash emerge from Velocity hell and actually get some TV time. It's just a shame that it's delivered in such a half-assed manner. Once again, the cruiser title manages to get onto the PPV, yet there is barely any build to the match. We've got that scenario once again here. With no proper build, there's no reason for Kash to win here. For me to pick Kash here, he would need to have to be on SD for more than two episodes. Juvi gets the win here and then will move on to the next random cruiserweight who will show up a couple of weeks before No Way Out.

Jeb Tennyson Lund Says... Kid Kash d. Juventud.
This seems like one of those WWE matches where the outcome is probably decided in the back, minutes before go-time, by a dice roll that interrupts the road managers’ running crap game. Whoever wins won’t be appreciably better off than he who loses, and trying to find a larger reason for either outcome is ultimately just another futile diversion on the long road to the grave. I’ll go with Kash, since he’s the heel, and heels always win the first big match in a feud.

PyroFalkon Says... Juventud d. Kid Kash.
Juvi is one my favorite wrestlers ever, and I’ve never heard of Kid Kash. So, yeah, that’s how I picked.

Big Danny T Says... Juventud d. Kid Kash.
Holy shit! last time I heard about Kid Cash, He was on Velocity, now he's going for the gold on PPV? This looks to kick all kinds of ass, and unless Juvi has pissed anyone off recently, I expect him to retain.

THE MEXICOOLS vs. MNM

This match is now officially meaningless, and represents the many ways that WWE's lack of foreplanning and creativity is being showcased on a weekly basis for us fans to enjoy.

You see, two weeks ago, MNM were the tag team champs, and SD! held a Tag Team Battle Royale to determine #1 Contenders for the upcoming PPV. Super Crazy and Piscosis won. No real story or drama, but in terms of randomly selected #1 contenders, you could do a lot worse than the Mexicools. Remember: it could have been The Dicks.

So then one week ago, MNM were still the tag champs, and either M or N had a one-on-one match against Super Crazy to sort of test the waters and get things heated up between the two teams. It ended in ugly fashion, with the aforementioned massive brawl that wound up including Kid Kash. So now we do have some hostility and drama as we head into the PPV Tag Title Match, right?

Wrong. Because now, Batista and Rey Mysterio have taken the tag titles. This despite not even entering (much less winning) a #1 Contenders' Battle Royale. By my way of thinking, this SHOULD mean that the Mexicools (and NOT Show/Kane) will face Batista/Rey for the titles at Armageddon. This, obviously, is not happening. Because some Writer Monkey had a new idea, and even though it was in direct violation of simple logic, it was allowed to pass through. Continuity? Who needs it.

CHRIST does it ever sand my vagina that, with one half-assed night of notes-to-self and maybe a preceding week of rolling ideas around in my brain during spare moments, I have a pretty fully-formed idea of what I think should happen at WrestleMania 22, complete with the results of all intervening PPVs and even some pretty solid ideas for happenings and timelines for RAW and SD!..... and yet, the people who are actually being paid to do this job, and are allegedly perfecting their ideas for 60 or more hours a week, can't plan fucking more than 2 weeks in advance. And then, on top of that, when they change the plan 2 weeks later, they can't be bothered to do it in an intelligent, creative way that actually follows logically and cohesively from the previous version of the storyline.

Anyway, that's not why you called. This match, which was made as a result of the Mexicools winning the #1 Contendership, is now still taking place despite the fact that MNM are not the champions whom the Mexicools would be challenging. I guess this one's just For Pride, people.

The OOutlOOk
MNM wins: 5 votes --|-- Mexicools win: 4 votes

Erin Anderson and Rick Scaia Agree That... the Mexicools d. MNM.
Rick : And then the segue is easy, E.... because once he loses the CW Title, Juvi's little more than the effete valet for Psicosis and Super Crazy, who are taking on M and N (while Melina lurks nearby).
Rick : And I needs to make me some "If she doesn't want to get upstaged, Melina better bring The Hot, cuz Juvi is one pretty, pretty girl" jokes at SOME point in this document, E.... and since I won't get my own predictions box to make them, I make them here!
Erin : Juvi is a beautiful young woman, yes.
Rick : Delicate features, and a lustrous head of hair that must make you insane with the jealousy.
Erin : Not really. Mine changes colors twice a month with the help of my friends Clairol and Herbal Essences.
Erin : We're like a trio of superheroes.
Rick : Damn. I just hope that making your roots report for cruel and unusual punishment that regularly doesn't render you as Bald As Me by age 25, E.
Erin : Nah. My hair is so healthy, it shines!
Erin : Anyway, who wins? Juvi's naturally beautiful locks, or MNM's freakishly striped manes?
Rick : Well, my thought process here: now that the match doesn't matter for shit.... give the fans the happy-fun-outcome. Mexicools win, and then -- I'm hoping it works out this way, anyway -- when the tag title situation gets less retarded, MNM get the titles back and Kid Kash has the CW Title, and you can kind of do a "Douchelution" stable gimmick with them holding a bunch of titles, and the Mexicools (or others) chasing. Only difference for "Douchelution" would be that they don't have the World Title, and not a one of them is as dumb as Orton.
Erin : And they can have their own talk show -- Tool Time with Douchelution! I like it.
Rick : Mheh heh heh heh, you said, "tool." But NO~! Because Ken Kennedy is going to be hosting the next "talk show" segment on SD! while he's injured. If I were a paid WWE Writer Monkey, it would, anyway. It will be titlted "Kennedy Country," and it shall be High Larious!
Rick : He'll have a desk, he'll be a "pundit," and his guests will all be required to wear jacket and ties, like it's FOX News. It'll be awesome.
Erin : Ooooh... does that mean he can beat the shit out of Tucker Carlson?
Rick : Yes. Hopefully on a tri-weekly basis. Good call.
Erin : Okay, so what's next?
Rick : Did we agree that the Mexicools win because it's a match-with-no-meaning, then?
Erin : Yup yup.

Canadian Bulldog Says... MNM d. the Mexicools.
There are a lot of good shows in Vegas, like, daily, but they are BLOODY EXPENSIVE. If you have the time to waste, might I suggest (a) getting to those discount ticket shops early and then trekking right over to the hotel where you shows taking place to get the best possible seat from the half-price barrel or (b) sitting through a two-hour time-share shpiel and then pocketing the "complimentary" tickets? It works -- I got to see a Howie Mandel show for a really decent price, and it was probably the funniest comedy show I've seen in a long time.

MNM-Mexicools? See, if this was still for the titles, I'd say that Psicosis and Super Crazy would get the duke leading to a long and possibly interesting feud. But now... it just doesn't make a lot of sense. MNM have been basically dominant for a while now, I don't see any need to stop that just yet.

The Cubs Fan Says... Mexicools d. MNM.
Even though the title are no longer on the line, this still seems like an interesting match with the possibly to be pretty good. Crazy and Psicosis have gelled as a team, and I think Mercury and Nitro can go with them. They've got at least one rematch scheduled for the SmackDown! Mexican tour, so I think they'll keep this feud going by having the underdogs win.

Matt Hocking Says... MNM d. Mexicools.
Poor MNM. They're the hardest working tag team in WWE, and nobody sends them any love. I actually think that the bookers really DO like MNM, which is why they keep getting fairly high profile spots in the WWE's exterior media ventures, but they're relatively bullet proof in terms of never really
losing heat even when they were constantly jobbed out to LOD, so they figure they can just treat them like jobbers and then throw them the occasional bone to keep up the idea that they're still a threat.

Here's MNM's bone for this month. Psicosis and Crazy have enjoyed...some degree of success with the Mexicools, but they're the odd team out here, as SOMEBODY is going to have to take the titles in the next few months, and MNM
is the only straight up heel team on the Smackdown roster that isn't Nunzio/Vito. And Nunzio and Vito aren't going to cut it. MNM gets their heat back.

Adam Gutschmidt Says... MNM d. the Mexicools.

Hey great, a match with limited appeal has lost all of its draw with the titles now off MNM. At this point, I'm struggling to find anything significant to say about this match. I'll go out on a limb and say that the Mexicools get off to a hot start, but then one of them gets in trouble and MNM take over on offense. All will seem lost until the Mexicool somehow finds enough strength to tag his partner. That Mexicool will go on an offensive rampage. However, Melina will somehow do something that will cause a distraction, which will allow MNM to connect with a snapshot and get the win. I know that's some crazy booking but that's why they pay me the big bucks. To come up with wacky ideas like this.

Jeb Tennyson Lund Says... Mexicools d. MNM.
The coin flip went for the Mexicools, whereas my best 3-out-of-5 free-throw shots handed the victory to MNM. However, the tie-breaking goat-entrail divination tells me that the Mexicools win. Oddly, I was out of tea leaves, but I’m just swimming in live goats at this point. Well, live goats less one, now, but on the whole, they’re tearing up the backyard.

PyroFalkon Says... MNM d. the Mexicools.
Same as above… no real reasoning for this one really… I guess I wouldn’t see two cruisers going over these two.

Big Danny T Says... MNM d. the Mexicools.
No idea what the dynamics are here, so i'll go with MNM, because i gave the cruiser to Juvi, and we need some heel victories here.

MATT HARDY vs. JBL

At least the Mexicools and MNM *used* to have a story. Matt Hardy and JBL can't even claim that. They have not, as near as I can recall, crossed paths in any meaningful way since Matt came over to SD!.... well, I guess there were a few minor incidents when both Matt and JBL were vying for a spot in the Taboo Tuesday cross-brand match, but nothing worth remembering.

And yet: here they are on PPV. I believe this match is the result of a deal on (the as-yet-unaired-in America) SD! where Matt's trying to give a promo, and JBL hijacks the interview time. I know: sounds thrilling, doesn't it?

I figure, more than anything, that this is just a throwaway match designed to remind everybody that JBL is a heel; afterall, he spent a lot of time around Survivor Series buddying up with babyfaces and stuff. I guess people like Matt enough that JBL can make him a whipping boy to earn back his heel stripes.

But in reality, the lack of build-up and the style of match this is likely to be makes it tough to envision it generating much of any kind of crowd response. Fan girls will squeal for Matt, but other than that, these two'll have to bring something unexpected for this to get above the level of Velocitastic. Cuz that's really more what this feels like. OK: maybe more of a SD! throw-away match. But surely nothing that belongs within shouting distance of the PPV stage....

The OOutlOOk
JBL wins: 8 votes --|-- Matt Hardy wins: 1 vote

Erin Anderson and Rick Scaia Agree That... JBL d. Matt Hardy.
Rick : One more..... JBL vs. Matt Hardy.
Erin : Huh WHAT?
Rick: Hey, I'm a practicing SmackDown! watcher... and I STILL have no idea why this match is happening. I gather that tomorrow night, JBL will interrupt a Matt Promo, hijack the interview time, and somehow, out of that will come a match.
Erin : Oooooookay.
Rick : 'Tain't a hard one to pick, though, right? Or maybe I just like any excuse to use the word "taint."
Erin : Anyway, methinks Matt Hardy is toast, unless he's suddenly become a major player on SD and I don't know about it. Which is entirely possible.
Erin : "But Doc.... you mean you're gonna cut through his... TAINT?"
Erin : Sorry, Deadwood flashback.
Rick : I'm right there on the same page with you.... but even before I think "Deadwood," I think of a "Mr. Show" sketch when I hear "taint." Any time you have a sketch where an Adult Entertainment Pioneer is forced into pitched battle against competing magazines with titles like "T'weren't", "T'wasnt', and "Neither Balls Nor Ass Quarterly," you know you're watching a future Comedy Classic!
Erin : Hee.
Erin : And uh, what were we talking about again?
Rick : We were talking about Matt Hardy being toast. Which he is.
Erin : I suspect that's all the discussion that that match warrants, huh?
Rick : Well, we already hit on SD!'s heel-deficiency, so I guess maybe I'd just chime in that I figure there's no way this match isn't just part of JBL's "re-heeling" after he toyed with fan-favorite status the last few months.
Erin : JBL briefly became my favorite wrestler when he tore Chris F. Masters a new one on RAW.
Rick : And when he did that, E, it was the SECOND time he'd done it. Trust me, I am -- as JR would like to say -- "conflicted" on JBL.... anybody who calls CFM "monkeyboy" is probably alright in my book.
Rick : And yet: JBL still sucks. What's a boy to do?
Erin : Hope that Masters suffers a career-ending injury and is forced to retire?
Erin : Okay, that was mean. I don't want to wish any physical harm on the guy, but get him the hell off my TV.
Rick : Seconded. Stick that turkey back in the OV(W)en until he actually gets done cooking, says I... but back to the point: JBL wins, and you're not gonna dispute that?
Erin : Not at all.

Canadian Bulldog Says... JBL d. Matt Hardy.
There are NO DECENT COUPONS OR PROMOTIONS for Las Vegas stuff! Ii am serious; I've looked through every coupon book, city guide and even online, and there's nothing. Everything has a million stipulations and conditions on it, and if you can get, say, a dinner for $8.99 -- IT AIN'T WORTH IT! There; I feel I've done my duty as a consumer advocate to warn you of this.

Oh, and JBL wins. Duh. When are they gonna just turn this guy face already? It's overdue.

The Cubs Fan Says... Matt Hardy d. JBL.
Maybe it'll happen on SmackDown!, but I'm not sure if they've ever reached a point to JBL chronicly leaving the match a bit early. You'd think they were building up to something, but a meaningless match with Matt Hardy doesn't seem like it. Maybe, instead of this being the end point, it's another JBL walkout? At least Matt gets a PPV check out of
JBL not having an opponent for the show.

Matt Hocking Says... JBL d. Matt Hardy.
What is this TNA? I thought only they could get away with just putting two random guys together on PPV and seeing what happens. Oh to be a fly on the wall when the Smackdown writers booked this one.

Stephanie McMahon: JBL needs a match!

Random Writer: Matt Hardy needs a match!

Stephanie: That solves that problem. Now what do we do about the Little Boys Title? Isn't Kid Rock popular these days? Hunter said he was.

Dusty Rhodes: Abuleedah hunorobullah baloo, if you wheeeeel!

Then Dusty gives the bionic elbow to the writer. Look, JBL is on his way down, but he's still higher up on the card than Matt, whcih means he'll probably win.

I guess it might work out all right, though. Hardy is popular enough that people (namely, Big Pimpin' Alex) just want to see the guy doing something, and JBL is still a name enough that he should probalby have a match of some kind. I just wish it made more...sense.

Adam Gutschmidt Says... JBL d. Matt Hardy.
You know, at least the MNM/Mexicool match HAD a reason for existing at one point. This match has no discernible reason for being on this show. They've basically taken the two biggest names not currently booked for the show and said, "You...and...you...let's have you two fight. OK? Great" So since they gave this match the lazy treatment, I'll give my prediction the same lazy treatment. JBL...Clothesline from Hell...Winner. Matt Hardy...Perennial Velocity star...Loser.

Jeb Tennyson Lund Says... JBL d. Matt Hardy.
JBL is a “wrestling god.” Matt Hardy is just a confusing embodiment of loose threads and dead-end ideas. I can’t imagine why JBL would lose to him, especially when WWE’s creative division is desperately at work rationalizing and spiriting away his many shortcomings as a wrestler, while simultaneously making a concerted effort to ignore or elide the many aspects of Matt Hardy’s experience that make him enjoyable to watch. Sorry, Matt. Well, sort of. To be honest, I don’t really care.

PyroFalkon Says... JBL d. Matt Hardy.
Er, yeah. Am I done yet?

Big Danny T Says... JBL d. Matt Hardy.
This has Squash-o-rama written all over it. I pick J"B"L for no other reason than the aforementioned, "Heels Need Wins!"

EXTRAS AND CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

With only six matches announced, you know there's gotta be more to Armageddon than presently meets the eye. Doesn't there? The trOOps certainly hope so. Here are a few ideas...

The OOutlOOk

Erin Anderson and Rick Scaia Say... One of us really likes Evan Lysacek's new Long Program, and the other of us has no freaking idea what the hell Erin's talking about.
Rick : Extra, Extra, Extra, then....
Rick : Six matches on the card, what else fits on the PPV, E?
Erin : Extras? Was it not clear back an hour ago that I have no idea what's going on, let alone am able to come up with cool extra stuff to happen on the show?
Rick : OK, then: what would you LIKE to have happen, given what you've read? I know you're watching RAW, and that might give you a LITTLE help since you know there's gonna be at least some cross-ver-y-ness. C'mon, E: fire up the old noodle. Let's see what you got....
Erin : I haven't even seen RAW in two weeks. Figure skating has proved more interesting.
Rick : Oh, lord. I'd say you're gay, but you're a girl, so I guess that makes you.... well, just a girl?
Erin : I'm a girl? Oooooh, that one really stings.
Rick : Sorry, I guess I've used up my week's supply of Actually Good Zingers. But RAW's actually been on a bit of an upswing the past two weeks.... so I kinda thought, finals or no, you'd at least be putting it on in the background, per The Rick's published endorsements.
Erin : I probably could have, but the interest just wasn't there. Maybe doing a few recaps will make me care again.
Rick : And actually, I just decided we need to find some way to re-segue into the "Extras." This exchange -- show-casing my pathetic zingery -- will have to be mercifully deleted come tomorrow's final edit, so let's try again from the top of this section....
Erin : Actually, I think it'd be kind of funny if you kept it in. Your little bold header line writes itself: "Extras: Erin really likes Evan Lysacek's new long program."
Rick : "... and Rick has no idea what the fuck she's talking about." Or something like that.
Erin: There you go.
Rick: I hope the mere fact that you know Evan Lysergicacid's name doesn't mean you think that FOX's "Ice Sakting with the Stars" is anything less than super-retarded...
Erin : I will NOT be watching that fucking show, thank you. No, I know Evan Lysacek because he's a 20 year-old kid from the U.S. who came in 3rd at the world championships last year.
Rick : So even me, with my "gives a shit once every four years" philosophy about certain sports will know his name by February?
Erin : Probably, but I think more of the focus'll be on Johnny Weir.
Rick : I also do not know that name. But I can pronounce it better.
Erin : He's better than Evan, at least.

Erin : Anyways, one of us has been up since 5:30 this morning. And it's not you. I will bore you with my skating analysis in two months, but for now, I have no ideas for PPV extras.
Rick : Well, hold up just a few seconds longer... cuz *I* do have a few extras in mind that need to be dedicated to print, and it'll look pretty stupid if all of a sudden I'm having an AIM Chat with myself for this section.
Erin : All righty, shoot.
Rick : SD! is the home of the lame squash lately, and with only six announced matches, we'll get two, I figure......
Erin : Lashley?
Rick : Yep, that's one: Bobby Lashley will probably squash both Regal and Burchill in a handicap match, given recent events.
Erin : Regal and Burchill? Sigh.
Rick : Yeah, I know. But he's beaten them both singly, so the roadmap requires he beats them in a handicap match before moving on.....
Erin : They're too good for that crap, dammit!
Rick : I agree. But in this case, I also see the promise of Lashley. So I'm not nearly as pissed as I'd be if Regal and Burchill were jobbing to the OTHER guy I think will get a squash match.
Erin: Who's that?
Rick : The Boogeyman, who *has* to show up, since he's the new SD! pet project....
Erin : Are they still trying to play him up for laughs?
Erin : 'Cause if they are, I might be able to run with it.
Rick : If they've even STARTED playing him for (intentional) laughs, yet, it's been lost on me. He's supposed to be genuinely scary and intimidating, given the way Cole and Tazz talk about him, anyway.
Erin : I was just thinking about Cena's brief encounter with the Boogeyman in England.
Rick : Well, if Boogeyman is funny to you, that's one thing. But it's not the right kind of funny. Laughing at the Boogeyman would get you quite the verbal assault from Jim Cornette. You do NOT laugh in the face of the scariest character ever. EVER~!
Rick: But if they ever did just drop the act and let everybody react to him in a non-intimidated fashion, then you could start playing it for real laughs. People should be confused by Boogeyman, not scared by him. From there, you can get real laughs, instead of laughs that are more "oh god, that's so lame" laughs. Like how Goldust was usually treated in his last run. Which is why I wanted Dustin to.... wait, you already heard that part, E. I won't repeat if you're on your way out.....
Erin : I have heard the idea, and I like it. And yes, I'm about ready to tap out.
Rick : Cool. Good night, sweet dreams, enjoy the weekend, and all that, E. I'm sure I'll talk to you Sunday after we've both enjoyed this pay-per-view spectacular, then?
Erin : Hee. That's funny.
Erin : I'm sure as hell not watching it. You?
Rick : Ha. Now you're the one displaying that killer sense of humor. If Gorilla Monsoon were asked to commone on the prospects of me watching Armageddon, I'm quite sure he'd say, "Highly Unlikely."
Erin : Who's recapping it, then?
Rick : I don't even really know, yet. I just know that it won't be me.
Erin : I don't blame you. I wouldn't want to recap this crap, either.
Rick : With talk like that, you're not exactly helping the cause, E. Recapping this PPV is noble work, not some crap duty pawned off on a fifth-stringer! As far as said fifth-stringer knows, anyway. And if you drop the 'tude for a second, you could actually help.... I've told you this before, right: that a certain percentage of people who donate to the Pledge Drive are wieners who do so with accompanying notes asking me to divulge The Broad's phone number? So c'mon, E: do your thang, cloud some minds, and get me a PPV Recapper!
Erin : You're only bringing up that story because it's a cheap excuse for you to plug the Pledge Drive, aren't you?
Rick : Well, yeah. But it's still true, so c'mon!
Erin : Um... What I meant was: It's a damn shame I have to work on Sunday night, because otherwise, I'd be all over that recappage! I hate missing even a minute of the action and will be immensely grateful to whoever supplies me with all the exciting results!
Rick : Damn tootin'! Anybody who volunteers to recap this PPV on Sunday night is the coolest dude ever! EVER! Erin said so!
Erin : Not to mention you never know what might happen if you donate to Rick's Pledge Drive.
Rick : Ooohhh, now that's just plain smOOth, E.
Erin : Hey, least I can do.

Canadian Bulldog Says... What's written in Vegas still gets published on OO.
Spanky and Paul London vs. The Dicks is YOUR Sunday Night Heat (or whatever it's called now) bonus match. Look for The Boogeyman to show up for some form of idiotic "comedy", hopefully it involves Palmer Cannon soiling himself somehow.

Is there anyone else left on the roster? Seriously? What could they possibly add -- Teddy Long vs. A Dick? Ugh, SmackDown needs some help...

Anyways, I have to run. It's time to head back to the slots and LOSE SOME MORE MONEY! BANK ON IT!!!

The Cubs Fan Says... This one might get better with age.
There's a report that Lashley will face Regal and Burchill, and of course he'll win if it happens. I don't know why they'd bother to do that, but it does something they would bother to do. It's bothering. Kinda surprised they shifted LOD/the Dicks to SmackDown! instead of the PPV because they've actually set it up, but I don't think anyone's shedding any tears either way, and there's enough tag stuff already.
Something like Kendrick vs Jamie Noble sounds good for the free show, and the Boogeyman will probably pop on the TV.

They've spent the month trying to convince us that this isn't just another single brand B PPV show, and that Undertaker vs Randy Orton is an event we absolutely must shell out cash to see. I can't deny there's enjoyment to be found in seeing Randy Orton being throttled and I believe they've done well enough to exceed the normal amount of buys for
this type of show, they haven't really done enough to make me care - at least on the first run. None of the advertised matches looks worse than average, and many have a chance to be interesting. If they deliver, and if the main event delivers, this is one which could do some nice business after the fact, despite the current lack of interest.

Matt Hocking Says... This is a one horse race.
Look, it's getting late and I'm kind of burning through whatever energy I had left before I started writing this super fast, so all I'm going to say is that this card is pretty much a one trick pony. You know it, I know it. So let's be honest about it. Randy Orton v. Undertaker isn't exactly a thrilling matchup on paper. Both guys have been better than expected against eachother, but that doesn't change the fact that they're still Randy Orton and The Undertaker. The only thing about that is that I get the sense that Taker is due for a really good match, and with the cell to use as a
prop, now is as good a time as any for him to come through. Orton can more than keep up with that kind of pace, and it might actually be worth watching.

It'll probably be bloody and violent, and if that's what you're into, I think it's worth the purchase, even if the storyline is stupid. If you couldn't care less about Hell in a Cell, what can I say? The rest of the card isn't exactly tailored as anything other than an undercard for a big match. Then again, I am to understand that somebody is going home with an Armoire at the end of this PPV? If that's the case, it's a definate buy.

OTHER THINGS THAT MAY OR MAY NOT HAPPEN (Time Permitting!)

- Boogeyman will make his in-ring PPV debut, drooling worms all over...uh...Nunzio.

- Heat will feature up-and-comer (and former Team Smackdown member) Bobby Lashley squaring off against...uh...Nunz...oh wait...Orlando Jordan then.

- Theodore Long will tell Palmer Cannon to "Holla Holla, Playa!" and then he'll dropkick a midget.

- Undertaker will possess Chris Benoit, thereby FINALLY allowing Mr. Benoit to have a personality.

- A tribute video to Ken Kennedy's back will air.

That's all from me, see you next year!

Adam Gutschmidt Says... Is that you, Xanta Claus?

Well looking over this lineup, it looks like we've got plenty of time to fill. But fill it with what...they are no other apparent feuds on the plate right now that could be made into matches for this show. Then again, I'm sure the juniors will be on call if they are needed. But with the lack of viable last-minute matches, my guess is that we'll get a lot of "special guest appearances" from some of SD's "marquee" stars. I would love to see Ken Kennedy come out and run down people on the mic for 10-15 mins. I guarantee it'll be better than the JBL/Hardy match. Then, because he's so "over", I'm sure the Boogeyman will "freak out" someone and produce all sorts of hilarity. Teddy Long will pop in to give us a "holla, holla". And finally, since it is that holiday season, it wouldn't shock me if we had another visit from good ol' Santa Claus. He's usually good to garner someone some cheap heel heat.

Jeb Tennyson Lund Says... Goodbye, Farewell, Amen.
Although I’ve had a TiVo for two weeks now, I’ve only made an attempt to record RAW and SD once, and both times, I fast-forwarded through about half of each show before finally deleting the file to make more room for reruns of the Law & Order franchise that I’ve seen two, three or even dozens of times before. I realize that’s probably silly, when you consider that after skipping commercials, “Moments Ago” stuff, WWE in-show ads, bad promos and bad matches, an episode of RAW or SD takes no more than 15 minutes to watch. All the same, I’m just not bothering, especially when it’s manifestly clear, week after week, that my laconic 15 minutes of interest isn’t being held or addressed by a writing staff that should be able to achieve even that tiny distinction.

For this reason, this will be the last pay-per-view for which I participate in OO’s predictions competition. It’s been pretty sad for me to watch all year as my percentages (especially main-event ones) stayed atop the list, when surely everyone else likely saw about 60 more episodes of RAW or SD than I did. To me, that suggested that those who still care can think themselves into knots by interpreting various scenes from shows and trying to extrapolate a quality outcome from them. Conversely, I didn’t give a shit, looked at who was wrestling whom, asked myself, “What’s the most braindead, fucked-up lazy piece-of-shit-excuse-for-entertainment resolution to this?” made a pick, then wound up being right an awful lot. It suggests to me that thinking like a moron and an asshole is pretty much the equivalent of putting yourself into the Collective WWE Head, and if that didn’t tell me that it was time to stop bothering, then my growing animus to even watching 15 minutes of taped shows pretty much removed all doubt.

It’s been fun, and I sincerely hope at least one or two people laughed or smiled at the few things I’ve written in this predictions format. Anyone who I’ve offended, though, can go suck eggs.

Pax vobiscum.

PyroFalkon Says... It's all about the stats, baby!
Strange, I don’t normally half-ass it THIS badly. Maybe I’m still just bitter that I’ll be at the bottom of the pile again. Sigh.

The only thing I look forward to is the stat report on Monday, where I’ll be crowning anyone but Bulldog as our champion for 2005. Speaking of which, I’ll be writing up full stats for this Monday, so you’ll know exact numbers for those percentages. Because, yes, I will be that bored.

Big Danny T Says... When it comes to red and green cloth, WWE, remember that less is more!
Where's Bobby Lashley? I call a Lashley/Burchill match on Heat. Expect lots of Christmas schmaltz featuring the divas in varying amounts of Red and Green colored cloth. Maybe Vince will stop by to bring the "Funny." And by "Funny," I do, of course mean a stilted, anvilicious and barely smile crackable, and it'll probably involve The Boogeyman.

So there you have it.... Armageddon in a rather large nutshell. Check it out on Sunday, if that is your wont. Or if it not be your wont, check out OO on Sunday night. One way or another, we'll have full results posted shortly after the PPV concludes.

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises

RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It

PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!

RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot

RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning

RAW RECAP: Say My Name

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again

RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?

PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!

RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes

RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over

RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening

RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000

PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown

RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch

SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day

RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits

RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB

SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo

RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012

RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts

SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome

RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?

RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power

RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge

PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella

RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto

RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?

RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve

PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs

RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted

RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!

RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang

RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.