If my manner here today strikes anyone as curt, it's only because I feel like I'm operating at about 25% productivity here.
  

My mouse stopped working, and the only back-up I have is really, really old. It doesn't have that stupid little wheel in the middle.

But it turns out that stupid little wheel isn't so stupid. It is, in fact, shocking vital to efficient pointing and clicking and all around navigating.

And now, I don't have it. I'm being forced to

File this one under "You don't know what you got till it's gone," kids. And let's get on with our business here today:

• Obviously, this is the spot where we'd normally talk about RAW for a bit. But RAW hasn't, technically, happened yet for the vast majority of OO's viewing audience. And even though I know some of you out there are damned dirty sneaks who've read the spoilers, I will not do anything to reduce potential enjoyment of the show.
   
  Although why I bother is a mystery even to me. WWE.com has already posted all the results. That's right... World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc.: blaming diminishing returns on fans knowing too much and on wrestlers talking to the internet one second, and then posting their own TV spoilers the next since 2004! What a completely internally-consistent corporate policy!
   
  Sadly, I know a bit of what does happened tomorrow, since it had been my intention to post a precap yesterday (though it turned out that the recap I negotiated for at the last second turned out to be not-up-to-OO-snuff, so I just scrapped that idea)... I won't spoil anything, nor will I repeat anything from my Detailed RAW Preview on Monday (which you should all go back and re-read before watching RAW, just so it'll be fresh in your brain when WWE goes and does the opposite of what I suggest at just about every turn), but I will say there's a SLIGHT unexpected twist in the #1 Contender Tourney that might be worth checking out.
   
  Other than that, my new plan for OO is to turn Friday into Tuesday. I'll try my own hand at the RAW Recap afterall (ugh, so much for giving myself a week off), and Matt's said he's still doing a Satire. So be sure you come on back and check out all the usual gOOdness, just on a different day than you're used to.
   
  
• The one major development from RAW that I don't think could possibly count as a Spoiler was the announcement that Bret Hart will be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame on WrestleMania Weekend.
   
  The induction is obviously well-deserved, but negotiations had been a bit frosty, as Vince McMahon was wanting Bret to be a part of the show at WM22, and Bret wanted no part of it. This announcement means that they've obviously found a compromise. Or that Vince just backed off wanting Bret to do anything other than show up and receive his much-deserved adulation from the fans.
   
  Of course, like I joked a month ago, it could also be a case where Vince just relented so he'd get Bret to agree to be in Chicago... and once Bret's in Chicago, the wheedling may begin again. It'd be just like that crafty bastard to wait until the biggest show of the year to play off whatever dormant desire-to-perform Bret might still have and get him to do a run-in or something in addition to the Hall of Fame stuff....
   
  This will probably be the "lead" Inductee into the HoF (as Hogan was last year), so it raises the question of who WWE will use to induct Hart into the Hall. So many of Bret's most memorable partners and opponents aren't with us anymore, and I'm having a hard time thinking of some mainstream celebrity with enough of a tie-in to Bret to make that work (a la Sly Stallone last year). Steve Austin might be a good guy to do it (since his feud with Bret "made" him, and it had its big pay-off in Chicago at WM13), but given the intense animosity of their feud, that might almost be a tad inappropriate for a situation like this. Not as inappropriate as Vince or Shawn inducting Bret, but still not quite the right tone for the occasion.  
   
  We'll see.... that's a bridge we won't have to cross for a while, anyway.
   
  Supposedly, WWE also intends to induct Eddie Guerrero into the Hall this year. Dusty Rhodes, too, probably. And if they skip the opportunity to induct the Road Warriors into the HoF in Chicago (and in so doing, end Animal's Reign of Terror on my TV screen), then WWE's smoking crack. Then you probably still have room for 2 or 3 more inductees, too... any ideas?
   
  
• In what can only be described as a Thoroughly Anticipated Development, Bob Orton has been released by WWE.
   
  If you were reading your OO a month ago, you know the reason why. Bob did something unconscionably irresponsible, the Undertaker found out about it, and now: no more Bob Orton drawing an easy paycheck as his son's English Language Interpreter.
   
  Toodle-oo, Cowboy Bob....
   
  
• Another announcement made on RAW was that Candice Michelle would be doing Playboy. How thrilling. 
   
  I assume we commence the break-up with Torrie Wilson, so they can feud over which one of them is the more shallow, jealous bitch, now? "My Playboy's hotter!" "No, MY Playboy's hotter!"... and then, The Rick's head explodes.
   
  Either that, or we get Stacy Keibler back from "Dancing with the Stars" to feud with Candice over which one of their pointless accomplishments least qualifies them to be on my TV screen every Monday night.
   
  
• The ratings are in for this weekend's TNA, and the news ain't all that good. The show did a 0.8, which is a bump up of one-tenth, but puts TNA right back where they started in October. Instead of around and above 1.0, where they were in mid-January.
   
  I'm honestly not sure what the lesson is here. This weekend, you can't blame a UFC PPV for sponging viewers away from Impact... could it be as simple as Sting's mere presences being good for a third-of-a-point? And his absence puts TNA back where they started?
   
  Or could it be that fans sensed it was just a pre-PPV infomercial episode, so they didn't really show up in droves? I dunno...
   
  Although I will say that I was annoyed that Impact started 5 minutes late, and thus my DVR'ing of it missed the end of the main event. That REALLY sucked. But apparently not enough that I would remember to remedy the situation by checking the Monday replay... but still: bush league, TNA! Shame on you for mildly inconveniencing me!
   
  
• Speaking of ratings, the Stupid Dog Show did like a 2.2 or so on Monday night in RAW's timeslot. Don't remember the exact number I was told, but it basically came down to "half RAW's recent ratings." When tennis preempts RAW for two weeks later this year, the opening week will do about the same. And yet: USA Network gladly makes the preemptions.
   
  The reason, in a nutshell, is because obnoxious, pretentious douchebags watch Dog Shows, and there's more money to be made selling ad time to Cadillac than there is selling it to Toolbox Brand Bodyspray for Jackoffs.
   
  
• A few more details about the Heartthrobs and what I thought was odd timing in terms of their release from WWE... it turns out their appearance on the now-missing edition of "Byte This" *was* the reason they were let go. What I'd been told was them "working out new schtick" was interpreted by others in the company as "going over the line."
   
  The lesson -- in so far as I can tell -- is that only main event level wrestlers are allowed to be a part of presenting totally staged and prepared "controversial" material. Like, oh, let's just say, doing a Nipple Slip on national TV. But if you're a B-show staple, you'd best not be trying to pull that shit.
   
  The incident has also thrown the future of "Byte This" into question, since it's not exactly a State Secret that there's a faction within WWE that doesn't like pandering to a "smart" audience with edgy or insider content.
   
  
• Apparently, there's some controversy over a recent commentary made by Chris Kanyon over his (or his character's) possible homosexuality? A bunch of people have mailed in about it, but I have NO fucking clue what you're talking about....
   
  I gather Kanyon mailed out something to a bunch of websites about how he either is or isn't gay. Somehow, OO was excluded from the mailing list? Boo! But now, I got people e-mailing me asking me to explain what's going on, or if it's a work, or what...
   
  But I can't say jack-shit about something I haven't seen. 
   
  Also: from what I've pieced together, I'd probably just encourage you to just stop giving a shit. It doesn't sound like anything we oughta be wrapped up in. 
   
  And if you just REALLY like playing the "Gay or Not Gay?" game, just tune in and watch yourself some Male Figure Skating. It's super-easy, and you win every time. Cuz there ain't a single one of those mincing fairies who'd be traumatized if you threw them naked into a hot oil pit with Richard Simmons.
   
  Not that there's anything wrong with that.
   
  
• Clearing up the Roster Assignments of the 3 surprise entrants in this year's Royal Rumble... turns out that -- contrary to conventional wisdom, Tatanka has turned up on SmackDown!... he wrestled on Velocity this weekend, and was using the infamous Papoose-to-Go as his finisher.
   
  With Goldust and Eugene both on RAW, that means that Brand Equality in the Rumble match has been maintained... and that, of course, is a matter of the Utmost Importance!
   
  
• Finally, I want to clear up something I talked about maybe a week or so back... a bunch of folks wrote in, pleasantly surprised with how funny Tazz and Michael Cole were as they hosted a 3-hour show on one of Howard Stern's satellite radio channels. They had led me to believe this was a full-time, 3-4 nights-per-week thing, which struck me as odd, since at the very least, that would have led to Tazz and Cole competing with a taped version of themselves on Friday nights.
   
  Turns out, I was right to be suspicious: it was just a one-week test run. Although, by all accounts, a test run that seemed to go over well with those who listened in. So you never really know what it might lead to, I guess....
   
  
• That's about all I got here, today, folks....
   
  Remember, barring a miracle (or possibly a convergence of a shitty show with my laziness), I guess I'm putting myself back on RAW Recap Duty this week. So you'll get that from me on Friday. And then, because of the odd scheduling this week, our Team Coverage PPV Preview of SD's No Way Out will go up on Saturday afternoon...
   
  Which works out OK, since we won't have that awkward deal where the PPV Preview gets published before the final show before the PPV airs.
   
  So come on back for all that stuff, folks. It's actually gonna be a busy, must-read weekend here at OO!