The OOutlOOk
Angle wins: 6 votes   --|--  NO CONTEST: 1 vote

That said, this is one match I'd really like to see, and I'll tell you why. I still remember a few years back when Smackdown! was still kicking ass and Angle and Brock Lesnar were running the show. The Undertaker had gotten himself a title shot with Angle, and the two of them had a brilliant twenty-minute match that became my favorite free TV match of the year. Taker chain-wrestled, for Christ's sake! Angle is the perfect opponent for him (well, he's the perfect opponent for anybody, but still), and I'm pretty sure that this match will kick a sizable amount of ass. And though I am a Taker apologist and have always liked the guy, I don't see him winning here. Angle v. Mysterio for the title at Wrestlemania is just too good of an opportunity to pass up. Angle wins.

I am not, by any stretch, an Undertaker fan anymore, but I do believe he can be used well as a special attraction. Let him duke it out (and subsequently crush) an up and coming heel once or twice a year; that's fine. DON'T let him fight for a title he shouldn't be competing for, against a newly-turned fan favorite, right before Angle has to (possibly) fight ANOTHER fan favorite at WrestleMania. I would have given JBL the spot here because (a) the month or so of feuding would have been great for them and (b) it just makes more sense from a booking perspective. Even a rematch with Mark Henry, as dreadful a match as that would have been, had more momentum creatively.

But instead, we're stuck with this steaming pile of shit, which I'm sure to plunk down money to watch because... I WATCH ANYTHING WWE THROWS AT ME! Anyways, Angle retains, somehow, and goes to Mania. Nuff said.

Now, by the same token, I’m pretty damn sure Angle will keep the belt. I mean, the Undertaker doesn’t need any title, and considering how little he works during the year, it would be pointless for him to have it. Even if he is going to be a weekly character from here to Wrestlemania, his having the belt is just silly and doesn’t solve anything.

I’m going over different scenarios in my mind, but I cannot see any finish where the Undertaker should take the belt. If someone interferes, the ref doesn’t see it, and Undertaker wins that way, it makes Taker look weak and passes the belt off to, again, someone who doesn’t need it. This isn’t a gimmick match like a Buried Alive or Casket Match, so having Taker job won’t be anything special like they always book it to be. I just can’t envision Kurt going over cleanly…

I don’t know. Unless Kurt or Taker DQs themselves, which seems highly unlikely, I just don’t think this one will have an ending. It’s bad to end a PPV on a draw, but that doesn’t mean it’s never been done.

Or even a middlin' deal.

And plus, purely from a Thinking-Too-Hard Perspective, this is NOT the time of year when you want Taker holding a world title... man's got an Undefeated WrestleMania Streak to maintain, and for dramatic purposes, it's probably better if you don't have a world title in possession of a guy who cannot possible lose in the main event of the biggest show of the year.

So it just makes a lot more sense to have Angle retain and move on to whatever it is he'll move on to... and then Taker quietly segues into a sidebar feud that he can win convincingly at Mania.

The OOutlOOk
Rey wins: 4 votes   --|--  Orton wins: 2 votes
NO CONTEST: 1 vote

This is a scenario where Rey has to win. There is no other option, and I'm not saying this because I can't fucking stand Randy Orton. When a heel says something as outrageous as, "The recently departed and much-beloved Eddie is burning in hell," he needs to lose. It's like that time when Triple H kept saying that Booker T wasn't worthy of the World Title and made thinly veiled racial insults, so Booker had to win to prove Trips wrong. And so at 'Mania that year.... okay, bad example.

But honestly, if Orton wins this one, I'll eat a bug. Rock on, Rey-Rey.

I think Orton and Angle would make a decent WrestleMania co-main event, but where does that leave Mysterio? Barring an "Eddie Tribute Match" with Chris Benoit, I don't see anything else viable on the horizon. Plus, Rey CAN'T lose his shot now, can he? I mean, Vince & Co. surely had this in mind when they started exploiting Eddie's death, didn't they?

I hate to say it, but the outcome of this match could have huge consequences going forward if they fuck it up. I had no problem with Orton getting the shot over Rey -- Randy Orton has improved a LOT... but then they made him start taking shots at Eddie Guerrero. Even in Vince's mind, this has got to be the only logical conclusion.

Right?

Of course, just because this decision is indefensible from any rational perspective doesn't mean that WWE won't do it. In fact, let me spell out how I sorta suspect things COULD go on Sunday.... remember that "favor" Booker T owes Orton? Well, Orton cashes it in, and Booker helps Orton beat Rey. Orton goes on to stink up the join in SD!'s WM Main Event, and the Ghost of Eddie Guerrero has to settle for helping Rey win the US Title from Booker without ever getting revenge on Assface Randy Orton for all those naughty things he said. That's almost flawless WWE Think, folks. It fits together in an almost perfectly uninteresting, unsatisfying, and underwhelming fashion, just the way WWE likes it.

But I flat-out refuse to believe this will happen. And even if it does, I want to be on record as predicting the significantly less-lame finish. I want WWE to live up to MY standards instead of living down to theirs.

Here's how it SHOULD happen: have Booker make the run-in, but have him eventually be neutralized by Chavo (who is supposedly gonna be at ringside), and in the chaos, Rey can score the win over Orton and continue living his dream. Meantime, Booker's interference sets up a deal where it's basically a Rey/Chavo vs. Orton/Booker mini-feud where you can do all sorts of tag and/or singles matches to mark time on TV (and on house show line-ups, since if your WM22 main event is Rey vs. Angle, you will NOT take a special, face-vs.-face match out on the road). When Rey needs to start focusing on hostilities with Angle, it'd be easy to slide Benoit into that slot as a fellow Eddie-ally (assuming that one on-going aspect to Orton's character is gonna be crapping on Eddie's memory to make sure he's generating SOME kind of fan response). The US Title would even be in the mix among those four, which could get very interesting.

And most importantly: Rey going on to WrestleMania is the only (ONLY~!) justifiable "out" to all this stuff WWE has done with the Ghost of Eddie Guerrero. Their use of that storyline has already bordered on classless, but cutting Rey's run to WM off in this fashion would also render the dubious storytelling utterly pointless and unnecessary. If WWE opted to push all those cheap buttons with Orton's character, it had goddamned well better have been for a reason and with a goal in mind.

One other than "Randy Orton is a vapid man-bimbo but if we feed him these lines, people will actually boo him."

That leads me to shirk conventional wisdom and arrive at the conclusion that -- unless WWE believes that making asshatted creative decisions that basically DARE their fans to stop caring -- the only reason and the only goal that makes any sense here is sending Rey Mysterio on to WrestleMania to hold up half of a main event match that people might actually be interested in.

Prove me right, WWE. Prove me right. Let all this underground buzz about Angle vs. Orton at Mania be your stupid idea of swerving the "smarts." Swerving us right into not even wanting to watch this damned PPV. But swerving us nonetheless.

The OOutlOOk
Booker wins: 4 votes   --|--  Benoit wins: 3 votes

If WWE had plans for Benoit as US Champ, they should have just had him win the Best of Seven Series so he could defend the title in the ensuing month (which Booker's not done). The final blow-off match with Booker would still have been there waiting for him. But they put the belt on Booker a few weeks ago, and I have to assume that means that's where WWE intends to keep it.

Putting the belt on Benoit and then having Booker immediately win it (in cheap fashion) in their final showdown would have made sense. But putting the belt on Booker, and then promptly having him never defend it, so as to put the belt back on Benoit in their final showdown, defies all logic as near as I can tell.

Plus, being completely honest, SD!'s been doing Benoit no favors on the booking front the last month, while Booker is increasingly coming off as one of the stars of the show (even without wrestling). To me, it creates a sense that Booker could do more with the US Title in the near term (going back to what I laid out above, he could quickly find himself in the mix with Chavo, Rey, and even Orton again) than Benoit could (who has been "feuding" with the talented-but-not-exactly-top-level Fit Finlay the past few weeks).

Of course, this being WWE, logic and good sense don't really come into play, now do they? All I can say is that, at least in this case, they can pick whichever outcome they want, and I'll be happy... I'm honestly expecting a strong match, and know full well that whichever of these guys walks out with the US Title will continue to entertain me in the coming weeks and months.

The OOutlOOk
Helms wins: 1 votes   --|--  Super Crazy wins: 1 vote
Kid Kash wins: 1 vote

I never know what the hell WWE is planning on doing with the CW belt (probably throwing darts on a board with all the cruisers' names on them), so I'll just stick with the champ and say that Helms keeps the title.

Helms has finally got some direction again, and maybe he can use it to give a much-needed heel edge to the title. Kid Kash was starting to get that, but injuries obviously got in the way. Otherwise, I don't really see, say Funaki or Psychosis or whoever walking away with the belt.

If we're lucky, maybe we get a showdown with Paul London near the end, setting up for what could be a great little match at WrestleMania.

All right, the champion never retains in these (Gregory Helms is the champion right now, right?), and of the list of morons that seem to be in it, I don’t like anyone’s chances but Kid Kash. I still don’t know who the hell he is, but if memory serves, he held the belt last, and this would probably help out the feud, or something.

Without even knowing the rules of the match, it's hard to start trying to envision what WWE wants to accomplish with it. Is this going to be designed as a showcase for Helms, where he proves himself to be the best? Or a fluke-y deal where a surprise winner can sneak in and steal the title?

Like I said: no clue.

So let's try process of elimination.... London/Kendrick and the Mexicools should be out, since I'd really rather make use of them on the tag team front. Kash and Guido are out because they are heels and one of them winning the title wouldn't lend itself to a nature Rematch Feud with Helms. That leaves Funaki and Scotty. Or as I like to call them, Jobber and Jobbier. Scotty actually just got squashed by Helms already this week, and also, he gives me the gripes, so I'd cross him off the list.

So Funaki or Helms? What the hell, I'll say Helms, who comes out as a strong heel, which is something you could make use of heading into WM22... an almost invincible heel is just what you need to get fans to care about a plucky underdog babyface making his assault on Helms' title. It's just a matter of figuring out which of SD!'s massively under-utilized cruisers to plug into that role. But a strongly-booked Helms would make it easier for fans to latch onto him, no matter how jobbery he might seem at first.

The OOutlOOk
Hardy/Partner win: 4 votes   --|--  MNM win: 3 votes

And the world simply isn't ready for another crap-ass title run for Animal. The world is ready for him to have this be a farewell tour before retiring and accepting induction into the Hall of Fame in 2 months.

A lot of people (myself included) see the value of Animal teaming with Matt coming from a potential Matt heel turn... but if it comes, it won't be for a bit, as Hardy/Animal are on booking sheets together for the next 6 weeks. But at the end of that mini-run? Hey, who knows....

I really do like the idea of a frustrated Hardy turning on Animal, though... which means that the best way to get there is to have MNM get the better of the two here at the PPV. And then again in a rematch or two. Because otherwise, what the hell is there for Matt to be frustrated about? Keep them title-less, and Matt can start whining, "But you won the titles with fricking HEIDENREICH!!!! Why not with me, Matt Hardy, the Angelic Diablo and Haver Of Gay Nicknames?!?"

For the good of all mankind, MNM must win.

The OOutlOOk
Lashley wins: 5 votes   --|--  JBL wins: 2 votes

And by the way, I have no problem with the continued push of Lashley. He has a great look and has handled himself pretty well in the ring so far. It IS about time that he started beating upper-midcarders; maybe he even faces Booker T at Mania? I'd just rather they feed him someone of the Orlando Jordan, Mark Henry or William Regal caliber, not JBL. His big win over JBL should be a huge deal, not an afterthought.

In closing, I'd just like to say "J-B-L! J-B-L! J-B-L! J-B-L!"

To be honest, a part of me is kind of sad that they haven't done more to protect JBL's character the last two months or so. This match with Lashley (and Lashley's win) would have meant a lot more if JBL had beaten the freaking Boogeyman last month (and then taken his ritual humiliation afterwards, at least able to claim that he scored the "W" before the stupidity kicked in).

But hey, JBL's like the anti-Jericho: he can keep on losing matches, but his mic work will ensure that people are interested in seeing him lose even more matches. And unless this is the start of some sort of long-term storyline, I figure you gotta have JBL lose here, and let Lashley move on to his next victim.

And if he needs it, JBL can "get his heat back" by firing/berating Jillian for accepting the match on his behalf without consulting him first. Nee haw.

The OOutlOOk

In the meantime, The Boogeyman will show up and do something stupid. Midgets will make an appearance, and Rick will for some reason think that they are hilarious (seriously, dude, I will never understand your "midgets = unfailingly funny" stance.) And Tanith Belbin and Benjamin Agosto will be the first Americans to medal in ice dance in 30 years. Go team USA!

You just KNOW we're gonna get us some Boogeyman somewhere in the show. Maybe he'll start spitting worms into Palmer Cannon's suit pocket or something. "J-B-L! J-B-L! J-B-L! J-B-L!"

Eddie's family will, reluctantly, make an appearance in Rey's corner. Like most of you, I wish that they hadn't gone down this route. Orton and Mysterio told a nice story already, they didn't need the extra B.S. "J-B-L! J-B-L! J-B-L! J-B-L!"

I can't say I'm looking forward to he 2006 version of No Way Out. The last few years had actually been pretty good, especially for a "B" level show in between two big PPV's. In 2002, you had the nWo debut, which was at least something different. Then in 2003, you had the fun Heel Rock vs. Face Hogan encounter. 2004 was easily my favorite one, with the scene-stealing Eddie Guerrero-Brock Lesnar match. Even last year, a kind of iffy show on paper ended with the surprisingly good barbed wire cage match with Big Show and....

"J-B-L! J-B-L! J-B-L! J-B-L!"

This Sunday will be interesting to me, because it will be the first week in a long time without football. Even in the one-week break between the conference championships and the Super Bowl, they were showing highlights and clips of Super Bowls past. This week, nothing. I could exercise to try to burn off the weight I gained from the holidays in preparation for baseball officiating, but my lazy fat ass just doesn’t want to. 

I’ve taken up college classes since the Royal Rumble, and I guess I could focus on my term paper. It’s going to be about “controversy in advertising,” although I’m going to approach it from a slightly different angle than most people would. And among the things I’m going to mention is GoDaddy’s retarded strategy, especially the fact they invented a “clever” word called “GoDaddy-esque” to describe their commercials. I guess being GoDaddy-esque means using a too-fake chick to test out all the joints of her body on camera while shallow men pretend to be turned on, and then riding the FCC complaints to fame and fortune. Do you realize that Pepsi complained last year that the GoDaddy ad reduced the viewers of their own ad because it was so offensive that people stopped watching that block of commercials? Idiots. But because you can breathe “GoDaddy” in the same sentence as “Pepsi,” obviously GoDaddy must be really cool, right? RIGHT??? I still think 99% of America who’s heard “GoDaddy” doesn’t even know what it is. I also still think (and hope) that once the Playboy spread comes out, Boobies gets the axe.

Hm, that got a little long. The point is, I’m not watching No Way Out, and neither should you. Maybe if enough people stop putting down money for retarded PPVs, WWE will get the message. Here’s hoping.

The problem, of course, is that I'd have no idea where to start looking for enough Gay Midgets to populate a full Olympic Field of Ice Dancers.

But I digress. Back to my prepared comments:

While there are only six matches, all but one of them could easily eclipse the 15 minute mark without offending the senses. The top three matches could all get up closer to 30 minutes (depending on if Taker brings his Working Boots, and depending on how many extracurriculars they weave into Rey/Orton to pad out the drama). 

With WWE's hard-on for over-playing utterly unnecessary video packages eating up additional TV time, I'm not necessarily sure you have room in here for any extra matches. But you do have a bunch of guys who've been entertaining parts of SD! lately who should at least get some face time.

First and foremost, obviously, is the Boogeyman. Folks love him. Don't know why, but they do. His most recent target seems to be Orlando Jordan. Don't know where you go next with it, but maybe Boogeyman can be hiding in a closet, where he conveniently finds Orlando Jordan's secret gay lover? Oh, the many "worm-juice" related single entendres we could enjoy if only Boogeyman finds himself involved in OJ's bixexual make-over.....

Second: I'm digging Fit Finlay. But without a match in which he can showcase he sweet-ass offense, I'm not sure what you do with him. I just know I would prefer if it didn't involve five midgets teaming up to get sweet, sweet revenge on him. Unless the revenge failed, and Finlay got to whack the hell out of them all... and then stole Super Pokry's ham. Those Irish, they loves them the fightin', the drinkin', and the Boiled Meats!

Thirdly, and finally: there's no excuse not to find Ken Kennedy some place on the show to amuse us.... last few weeks, it seems like he's been interacting mostly with Pirate Paul Burchill, so maybe there's another skit along those lines?

We'll see how it goes.... it's not like there aren't a few matches on this show that oughta be fairly good. It's just that WWE continues to fail in every measurable way to make me care. The match on the show where I care most about the outcome (Rey/Orton) is also the one where I most dread that good sense will fail WWE, and they'll do the unthinkable. And I'm supposed to get fired up about dropping some coin (either for the PPV or for shitty Hooters food) so I can show up and let WWE plop out a steaming pile of shit in front of me? Nuh uh.

Still haven't made a decision yet as to whether or not I'll see this show (anybody out there who wants to twist my arm about handling the PPV Recap, you can feel free to drop me a line and assist my decision making)... and that's just not the excitement level I want to be at here in the middle of the Road to WrestleMania.

Bleh.