From the get-go, I advocated a "New ECW" that did not rely exclusively on re-creating the past, and knew that for that to work, this year's One Night Stand would have to be significantly different from last year's nostalgia-driven one. So naturally, I started out feeling vindicated when WWE did a great job finding a slot for Edge on the show, and when Paul Heyman spoke publicly about a "new vision" for ECW.
 

As the One Night Stand card took shape, the five meaningful matches seemed to share a common trait: they have almost NOTHING to do with anything related to ECW. In

fact, the blunt truth is that four of the five announced matches for One Night Stand are matches that could very easily have taken place under the WWE banner at any time on any WWE show. Only the acquisition of Sabu from TNA brings the five-match card a dose of authentic, special-occasion-seeming, genuine ECW. The other four matches are all being contested among guys already comfortably under the WWE banner.

[Note: there are two unannounced matches that we'll briefly talk about later that actually *are* "Genuine ECW," but for the sake of our argument, let's stick to what WWE has bothered hyping.]

Cena and Van Dam are both on RAW and could have crossed paths at any time; ECW was not needed. Angle and Orton were recently both on SmackDown! and *did* cross paths with frequency, with decidedly unspecial results; ECW was not needed. Tazz and Lawler have bickered like a married couple essentially any time they've been thrown together on the same commentary crew, and could have settled their difference at any cross-brand PPV; ECW was not needed. And the Foley/Edge/Dreamer/Funk match? Well, OK, so they had to make a special phone call to Funk, but it's not like he was gonna turn them down, and the other three guys are all established WWE personnel; again, it wouldn't have been too much of a stretch to just tell this story on RAW, because ECW wasn't, strictly speaking, necessary once Mick completed his heel turn.

I realize that last year, WWE padded the One Night Stand show with established WWE wrestlers in a lot of the matches. But the difference was that those wrestlers included the Dudleys (who hadn't been seen on TV in 9 months, and were a welcome breath of fresh air), and every single WWE wrestler who participated in One Night Stand actually did have a legitimate ECW past (such as Jericho, Storm, Tajiri, Rey, Eddie, Benoit, and obviously, the Duds). Compare with this year, where Cena, Angle, Orton, and Edge have absolutely ZERO to do with ECW. It's a totally different feel.

And the feel is best described as "ECW-Flavored WWE," if you ask me. This simply doesn't excite me the same way that a true "New Vision of ECW" would, nor does it tickle my nostalgia bone the same way that a one-night re-creation of the Old ECW would. It causes me to feel something else entirely: it causes me to feel conflicted.

Because of course I would love to go into Sunday's PPV with enthusiasm, anticipation, and the confidence that I was about to see something unique and special and patently "ECW." But on the flip side of the coin: "WWE-flavored WWE" has been so tepid for so long, that even the promise of "ECW-flavored WWE" suddenly does have a bit of cache to it. If we agree that periods when Paul Heyman wielded creative power in WWE were some of the more enjoyable ones, then what's not to like about the idea of him having basically his own WWE brand to control? Maybe it won't quite be "ECW," or maybe it'll take a few weeks or months to get clear of this confoundingly-constructed PPV card before it feels like "ECW," but it's still something that oughta be better and more entertaining than the usual stuff we've had shoved down our throats much of the past 2 years by WWE.

For whatever it's worth, I felt that was the strength of Wednesday's ECW vs. WWE TV special... some felt it was a trainwreck and an abomination to all that is (or should be) "ECW." But in the final analysis, I just felt like it was a different and unique experience versus what WWE usually serves up that it made not just for a good time live, but also for fun TV viewing.

So I guess that's where I try to create some sort of synthesis here as I wrap up the pre-ramble... I'm not totally sold on One Night Stand as the uniquely-ECW experience that it was last year, and I still have concerns about just what the "new vision of ECW" is all about (because lord knows it had better not have anything to do with Cena or Orton, despite their key roles on this PPV line-up).

Which means maybe One Night Stand 2006 isn't promising as an ECW event. But I'd argue that if you step back, take a look, and survey things, One Night Stand 2006 stands up as a VERY promising WWE pay-per-view, compared to some of the cards we've been asked to shell out for recently. And like I said, "ECW-flavored WWE" really does beat the pants off "WWE-flavored WWE," if you ask me. I am cautiously optimistic that Sunday night will be a good time, even if it's not the same kind of "good time" you might have hoped for based on last year's One Night Stand.

Here's an (slightly-abbreviated) look at the five key matches announced for Sunday night. Why abbreviated? Well, first, because I didn't send out the Call For Predictions to the trOOps until yesterday, and I've gotten an anemic participation level (as of this writing, I think there might only be five of us). And secondly, because I, myself, have just remembered that at some point in the next 24 hours, I have 6 last episodes of Deadwood-on-Demand to re-watch in anticipation for tomorrow night's post-PPV DVR viewing. Which means I can't be dilly-dallying around.

We ride, you limp-dicked cocksuckers!
 

JOHN CENA vs. ROB VAN DAM 
WWE Title Match

This one's nothing more than a case of Briefcase ex Machina. The Money in the Bank Briefcase came down from the heavens (in the possession of Rob Van Dam, at WrestleMania 22's ladder match), and magically brought about this match. There was no other real rhyme or reason.

Although speculation had existed that this would happen even before WM22, RVD bided his time and waited till Cena finished off lingering issues with Edge and Triple H before officially making the announcement that he intended to cash in his Money in the Bank title shot... but not on WWE turf, where Van Dam was used to getting screwed over. On ECW turf, at the One Night Stand PPV.

There have been a few brief physical altercations between the two, with Cena eating a Van Daminator in one, and RVD getting chucked off the ring apron in another. So that's a toss up. In verbal confrontations, Van Dam doesn't exactly excel in conveying intensity, while Cena is such a cartoon caricature that his over-the-top "intensity" comes off as actor-y, out-of-place, and chuckle-inducing when he starts ranting and raving about non sequitur military cliches (probably because he's trying to tweak his character before his shitty movie comes out later this summer) and stealing Miz's "Hoo-rah." So that's a toss up, too.

The most surprisingly element of the brief build-up to this match has been the fact that RVD (and Paul Heyman) have openly talked about two things that I thought would have been best kept as unspoken selling points: (1) that Cena would be massively out of place in an ECW ring, and will probably get booed to high heaven, and (2) that RVD and Heyman fully intend to "steal" a WWE Title and then re-christen it the ECW World Title (a la the Shane Douglas/NWA Title controversy of 1994). Publicly discussing the former accomplishes nothing except to make it feel like Heyman and RVD are making sure the teenage fangirls don't feel too badly when their favorite wigger gets booed by a bunch of jerkfaces. Publicly discussing the latter just makes it feel highly unlikely that something that shocking will actually happen. Something like stealing a major title away from WWE has its most value if its a total surprise, instead of as the pay-off to a long-spoken-of promise.

Matchwise, I'm not sure what to expect. These are the two men in WWE most likely to make Jim Ross bust out the adjective "Unorthodox" with regards to their ringwork. In RVD's case, he just does moves that nobody else does; in Cena's case, he does moves everybody else does, he just makes them look shittier and more spastic. Without a whole lot of opportunities to work together, RVD and Cena's (lack of) chemistry could be a problem in terms of sustaining crisp action. However, the work around is pretty simple: as long as Cena can just lie there and be a prop for all of RVD's high spots, and as long as Cena realizes his most effective offensive maneuver is gonna be "acting like a wigger and pissing off the fans," then I think we can still have a reasonable amount of action, laced with TONS of crowd heat and drama.
  

REY MYSTERIO vs. SABU 
World Title Match

Absolutely ZERO story here. Instead, this represents something rare in the wrestling business: a bona fide "Dream Match" that has never taken place before. In fact, according to one reader who apparently did the research, the closest Rey and Sabu came to having a match against each other was in 1995, when they were on opposing sides in a six-man tag match on some otherwise non-descript indie show.

So when Paul Heyman -- out of nowhere -- dropped the bomb that Rey had agreed to face Sabu for the World Title at One Night Stand, the "Dream Match" Factor is pretty much all the selling point he needed. Probably two of the more innovative high flyers of the 90s, finally getting to do their thing against each other: for Sabu, it might be about 6 years too late, and for Rey, it might be one knee surgery too early for him to be back at full speed, but you know they'll still be doing things in this match that'll drop your jaw.

Possible extra drama: Heyman extended an invitation to Rey to join ECW before One Night Stand, and Rey declined on the grounds that even though ECW was his first home, SmackDown! was his true home. Heyman seemed to graciously accept Rey's answer, but ominously wished him "Good luck tonight, cuz you're gonna need it." And before the night was out, Sabu joined Finlay in a two-on-one attack on Rey that resulted in Finlay actually pinning Rey in a non-title match. All throughout, Heyman was making veiled references to how well Finlay would fit into the new ECW, as well. Could be a possible plot point come Sunday.

I'm expecting good things out of this one. I'm sure along the way there will be missed spots that some of the crotchety internet jackoffs will harp on, failing to realize that one Big Ass Spotfest per show is a GOOD thing. And plus: Rey's so reliable and graceful that he seems to miss infrequently, and when he does, he does it safely in a non-trainwreck-y sort of way. Even though neither man is at 100% of his peak 1996 powers, they'll bring the house in this one, I do believe.
  

TOMMY DREAMER/TERRY FUNK vs. 
EDGE/MICK FOLEY 

This one comes out of what started out as an unexpected RAW storyline, as Mick Foley returned to TV after a month, and turned heel. All it took for him to do this was embracing Edge as a worthy Hardcore Adversary, and later, as his Hardcore Equal (Foley and Edge have crowned themselves the "Co-Holders of the Hardcore Title").

Foley's turn stems from his appreciation of how Edge held up to their brutal WrestleMania match, and his LACK of appreciation for how the vampiric fans seem to think they're entitled to that sort of action all the time.

After a few weeks of Foley kissing Edge's ass, Paul Heyman showed up and said that he couldn't do anything if Mick insisted on prostituting his own legacy, but he would NOT stand idly by and let Foley prostitute the name of Hardcore Wrestling by constantly harping on what he and Edge did at WM22. Instead, Heyman challenged Foley to nut up and and come to One Night Stand to prove to everybody that he truly still is worthy of that Hardcore Label. Foley initially declined, but Edge was eventually goaded into accepting a tag match.

Heyman immediately introduced Tommy Dreamer and Terry Funk as their opposition. Dreamer and Funk got the better of that initial brawl. But when things were reprised this past Wednesday in Dayton, Edge pinned Dreamer in a one-on-one match, and Funk brutally blacked Foley's eye and busted him open hardway. [Watching that on DVR, it was downright uncomfortable watching the cameras stick on Funk and Foley while Mick just waited, helplessly, until Funk could finally land the noogie-shot that would cause the laceration.]

And that's probably all the story you need to know... but for the record, there is additional backstory here, going back over a decade. Believe it or not, there was a time when Dreamer was HATED by ECW fans for being a high-flying pretty boy with no hardcore credibility. Over time, he won them over, with Terry Funk and Cactus Jack as his eventual mentors. Dreamer would remain Funk's loyal protege for as long as Funk hung around in ECW. But Cactus had a falling out with the two as part of his heel turn the preceded his jump to the WWF in 1996. In fact, any anti-hardcore riffing Foley has done (or will do) as part of this storyline is probably cribbed at least in part from promos he cut back in '95 and '96.

Look for this match to fill the role on the card that last year's ONS main event filled: that of the crazy garbage-y brawl, with lots of overbooked run-ins and stuff. At the very least: I'm not gonna consider the match over until Beulah comes out and gives Lita her medicine! [homer]Mmmmmmmmmmmm, Beulah.[/homer]
  

KURT ANGLE vs. RANDY ORTON 

This is the one match that simply has no place on this show. There is no excuse or justification that I'd accept. Unless this exists for a "new" Angle to quickly crush Orton in some horrific way, sending him back to the Suspended List (and NOT to RAW) where he can keep studying up on how not to be a bungwad, and then, in an ECW-caliber Swerve, the REAL "Mystery Opponent" shows up to answer Angle's open challenge.

Cuz if this really is just Angle vs. Orton? That's unmitigated horseshit. Orton's last match (59 days ago) was against Angle. So we've already seen it; it's not special. Furthermore: 59 days ago, it pretty much sucked as badly as any Kurt Angle match could suck (most attributed it to Orton knowing he was suspended, and thus, he dogged it, but still). Why you would think re-creating that match for an ECW audience was worthwhile is beyond me. Unless, as mentioned above, it exists only as a mask or a swerve to hide the REAL surprise, and Orton's just a 5 minute prop.

I know you folks don't see this happen often, but I really do just lose my words when it comes to this issue... I know there's "backstory" here, but it's a backstory I don't give a shit about (since honestly, Orton had no place in the World Title picture heading into WM22). And when you get right down to it, there's no way to avoid the simple fact that this is a WWE match. And not even a good WWE match. Barely even a mediocre one.

I'm not gonna say anything more about this one. Cuz there's nothing I can do to stop it from happening. All I can do is hope the match is as short and decisive as possible. So why not make my preview short and decisive, too?
  

TAZZ vs. JERRY LAWLER 

You can look at this one a few different ways.

(1) You could look at it as the next (final?) chapter in a story that has Lawler pissed off at Extremely Crappy Wrestling going back to 1997.

(2) You could look at it as the inevitable pay-off of months and years of Tazz and Lawler bickering whenever they've been forced to share an announce desk.

Or (3) You could look at it as an unnecessary little sideshow attraction pitting two non-wrestlers against each other.

For my part, I guess I'll sort of look at it as a mesh of (1) and (3). Because yeah, I do love the way Lawler so totally sells out to the gimmick of hating ECW to the point that even a lot of Smart Fans think his animosity is real. [Note to those fans: if Lawler really had that big a problem with ECW, he wouldn't go to such ends to be such a magnificent prick towards the company, since that always ends up having the effect of putting ECW over in the end.] But there's also still the part of me that feels like there's better ways to spend your PPV time than on a superfluous Announcer Fight.

Way I see it, they should have settled the Tazz/Lawler issue at the TV special on Wednesday, cuz it really is more a sideshow than a main course. There's no reason to drag it out: just have Lawler get his ass kicked, and be done with it. I realize Tazz's in-ring credibility is incredibly limited these days, but he's still got more left than Lawler.... that combination of Waning Credibility and No Credibility simply does not add up to a PPV match, to me.

Still: Lawler's a lightning rod to even the most-supposedly-savvy ECW fans, so he'll get booed.... I guess if you do something like give him some surprise back-up (the Coach?), so he can realistically get some offense in and taunt the crowd by Bringing the Strap Down and maybe landing a shitty fistdrop, you'll have something. Otherwise, there's nothing here but a 90 second Tazz squash, and like I said: they could have given that away for free, I think.
  

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS 
Is ECW Ready To Thrive Again?

There are actually two more matches planned for Sunday night, though neither of them really "matter" in the same way that the Announced Five do. So we're not gonna predict winners in matches where the winners and losers probably don't really matter...

For the record, those two matches are:

The FBI (Nunzio and Tony Mamaluke) vs. Super Crazy and Tajiri -- Call this one the OOfficial Rick Sleeper Pick of the Night. Not only is it a Genuine ECW Match-Up, but it features the TV return of Tajiri and his partnership with a guy who I honestly consider to be as close to a clone of him as possible. Since Tajiri's been gone, Crazy is filling my quota for Talented Bastards Who Excel In All Facets (flying, brawling, and stiff-ass technical grappling). And with Vito out and Mamaluke in, this FBI takes a huge step up in terms of in-ring ability, too. Now if only they'd bring back JT Smith and if Tracey Smothers hadn't pissed everybody off last year, then the FBI might REALLY be a force to be reckoned with....

Masato Tanaka vs. Balls Mahoney -- I can't remember for sure, but I think in the last year or so of ECW, these two were both foes and tag partners at various times, so there's a bit of backstory. But mostly: these are the two guys who ECW always billed as delivering (and taking) the stiffest chairshots ever, which makes this the match on the card most likely to cause you to cringe in empathy. Oughta be good, if you're into the Slobberknockery.

But as we shoot it to the trOOps, I think the issue that's most at play here as we wrap up concluding thoughts about One Night Stand is the issue of "New ECW vs. Expectations." Yes, there will be surprises and extras on the show -- for instance, nowhere on the announced card do you see Sandman or recent acquisition, the Big Show, but you know they'll both be involved in key roles -- but rather than take stabs in the dark on figuring out what those are, I think we just need to discuss, quickly, whether this New ECW is even on the right track, and how One Night Stand will play into the long term prospects for the brand..... 
  

If I had my druthers, I'd find a substitute recapper for this one, so that I could transition directly from the PPV to watching Deadwood, and not have to distract myself with 45-60 minutes of writing on Sunday night. But I figure that won't happen.

So look for me to have your One Night Stand PPV Results at some point around midnight on Sunday... and if they're not there till a little later? Well, that just means I couldn't lay off my DVR, and the recap had to wait till after Deadwood. 'Twill depend on my mood and my drunk, I'm sure.

One way or another, though, OO will have your PPV Recap up before I go to bed on Sunday night, so come on back for that, as well as a full slate of additional thoughts and any fall-out/news in Monday's column. Be fucked till then, kids.....