Ever a man to take my medicine, should I be proven wrong, let me start things off by really quickly addressing some folks who wrote in after I mentioned Dwayne Wade in a column last week....
  

Basically, I went out of my way to call him a fine, upstanding, young man who deserves all the love he's getting, because back in the day, he knew his role: which was to be the University of Dayton's bitch. Along the way, I referred to him as a "four year graduate" of Marquette.

Apparently, that last thing might be false, as many wrote in to point out that they 

Well, in my defense, *my* memory is that Wade was one of those "partial qualifiers," who didn't play basketball his freshman year while he got his academics sorted out. Then he played three years, and by the end, he had completed his degree.... which then entitles the athlete to his final year of athletic eligibility during which time he can begin graduate studies. Wade, a bona-fide mega-star by this time (albeit one who lost games on national TV to the UD Flyers), opted out of that bonus year of eligibility to turn pro. 

I always remembered the story being that he left Marquette after three years of basketball, but after four years of classes. If I am wrong about that, mea culpa, mea culpa.

Let's get on with the rasslin':

• We'll start with last night's Vengeance PPV, which was -- by any reasonable measure -- a huge letdown given the seemingly loaded line-up.
   
  The odd thing is that, in retrospect, I consider it to be a rare show that was "under-booked." Normally, it is the cry of the Internet Fan that they want less silliness and more wrestling, but a show like last night's just underscores the importance of still bringing some amount of creative, unexpected "sports entertainment" elements to the table at what should be a big and climactic event.
   
  Instead, the only real attempt at "sports entertainment" came in the Eugene/Umaga squash (and I think we can all agree that they might as well have left that out, too, if the only thing that will result is a Kamala vs. Umaga grudge match tonight or elsewhere down the line). And then the very basic booking decisions made elsewhere on the card? Devoid of creativity, they were also questionable at best.
   
  Which is too bad, since poor reviews for Vengeance will probably spur WWE on to booking less shows to be "wrestling-centric" (as Vengeance largely was), and when they try to get creative, they'll just drown us in their asshattedness. But hey: I gotta call a spade a spade, and in this case, that means wondering out loud just what lazy-ass morons decided to approve the underwhelming booking for the DX/Spirit Squad and Cena/Sabu matches.... I mean, we've seen more eventful, more satisfying segments featuring those combinations on free TV in the last month. And yet, once asked to pay, there's no bells or whistles or anything else to spruce things up? Baffling.
   
  The best sequence of the show was probably the 45 minutes that included the back-to-back IC Title 3-way and RVD/Edge matches. The IC Title match was a sweet spotfest, and was my choice for Match of the Night (with Star of the Night easily going to Carlito); it didn't need anything extra, since the three guys in the ring brought it in EXACTLY the right amounts for a killer mid-card match. And RVD/EDGE? Well, look, I could go off on a rant about how it's a travesty of justice that the Title Match didn't go on last, but I assume I'd be the 3883rd jack-off to do so, so I won't bore you. Instead, I'll just say that nestled in the mid-card, they had the second best match of the night, with a pretty hot second half that included enough Lita Shenanigans that it didn't feel like it needed anything else, either.
   
  But nothing else on the show came close to satisfying. In fact, everything else on the show seemed like little more than an advertisement to tune into RAW tonight. Or, in the case of Angle/Orton, to ECW on Tuesday night. I don't know of anybody who pays $40 to hear Jim Ross utter some variation of "Bah gawd, folks, this one ain't over yet. Business is sure to pick up tomorrow night on RAW." Much less utter it in regards to not one, not two, but at least FOUR different outcomes/storylines. And that's being generous, cuz he didn't outright say it with regards to Umaga/Kamala or Kane/Fake Kane, but it was certainly implied in both cases.
   
  But in the other cases, what'd we pay to see?
   
  (1) Orton beat Angle in a match that was not as bad as their SD! match 2 months ago, but which was also nowhere near as adequate as the ONS match 2 weeks ago. And that finish? Oy: it's like I've said for a long time, The Dumb becomes an airborne pathogen anytime Randall Orton is around. This after Angle had decisively and easily handled Orton in past outings. The proper finish? Blow it off with Angle winning again, then Orton goes back to RAW and Angle goes back to ECW, and that's that. Instead: camera cuts back to Angle's face cuz JR to opine that we haven't seen the last of these two, yet. Ugh. Not just because I've seen enough. But because if this is supposed to be a "New Kurt Angle," then why the fuck is he sitting there sulking instead of choking Randall's scrawny little neck until somebody brings the jaws of life into the ring? Horrible in so many ways...
   
  (2) Flair and Foley had what could charitably be described as "not even close to a convincing match." More like 7 minutes of going through the motions so that they could do the post match angle where Foley brutalized Flair with a barbed wire bat, and where Flair hit the gusher of a lifetime. It was sick. But it still adds up to "There's nothing to see here, but we're setting you up to drop your money on the real match at a later date." Which me no likey. I got no problem with drawing things out to one final cataclysmic showdown, but I got a problem when you can't make each chapter along the way into a satisfying, self-contained little story of its own.
   
  (3) RVD admittedly shocked the world (and jack-off pundits like the Entire Staff of OO) by retaining the WWE/ECW Titles. But any good done by that Shocking Swerve was undone the second that RVD approached John Cena and -- in a moment of continuity-shredding character assassination -- basically said "Hey John, I like your style and how you so totally proved your hardcoreness by beating Sabu, so let me give you back your Spinner Belt tomorrow night by wrestling a WWE rules match against you." I know RVD puffs the dum-dum smoke, but that doesn't make him full-on retarded does it? And don't even get me started on whoever put the "Mutual Respect" words in RVD's mouth.... that's so out-of-character that all involved should be arrested and incarcerated. And again, the moral of the story: "Ha ha, we got you suckers, and RVD retained. But you have to tune in to RAW tomorrow night to see if it really means anything." Great.
   
  And (4) Vince McMahon's well-laid Master Plan involving the Spirit Squad failed miserably (and in a tepid, formulaic match devoid of any of the bonus add-ons/run-ins that should pretty much be a gimme in a Sports Entertainment Segment like this; but instead, they played it straight). So instead of being pissed, or sending out back-up, or doing anything else interesting at the PPV, Vince watches his well-laid plans fail and HE SMILES. Because he says he's got a new plan waiting for DX. Tomorrow night. On RAW. Ugh.
   
  And as an added bonus, the one thing they DIDN'T bother to "protect" or save back so we can care about it another time? Sabu. Look, I'm not against Cena beating Sabu. I'm against Cena beating the entire ECW locker room (and christ is it ever sad that even after I PRE-MOCKED THEM over this, they actually did leave WWE stars RVD/Angle/Big Show out of it, lest their reputations be tarnished by Cena's improbably superman act) in under 7 minutes, and then making Sabu tap out. Tap out. The man whose entire gimmick is predicated on being impervious to pain tapped out. To a move that has all the credibility and gravitas of CarrotTop. This is a Prime Example of where WWE's Creative Monkeys needed to put their heads together and figure out some way to get John Cena the win in a way that would be plausible and believable to all. Five more minutes of ring-time and then a clever finish in which Cena gets some unexpected help en route to a pinfall victory would have done the job. Instead, we get the tap out to the SSTF (if Cena's STF really needs an extra letter, let's just all agree to call it the Shitty STF).
   
  It's doubly awful because one of the hope-for outcomes of having Cena playing with ECW is that he'll somehow win over some real wrestling fans (i.e. not teenage fangirls and wigger-lovers) when he holds his own against the likes of Sabu. Well: this match and this finish will only further REDUCE Cena's credibility and chances of winning over the adult male demographic. A lame-ass superman comeback and then almost killing Sabu by not elevating him far enough on an F-U through a table will NOT win over the hardcore/ECW fans.
   
  In the end, 'twas a PPV devoid of "momentosity" (you know, that word I made up to indicate things that you'll remember vividly for years to come and will watch and rewatch on video), and in fact, almost completely devoid of significance. Not to strike the same one-note again, but MAYBE the only place where that wasn' the case was the IC Title match, where Carlito's performance may well rank as a "moment" down the line and where I guess you have to give some credit for "significance" to Nitro winning the IC Title (but only after Carlito did all the work for him).
   
  Other than that, though? I'm sorry, but there's no excuse for putting on a show that pretty much fails to pay-off satisfactorily in any regard and asks you to tune in the next night, when maybe they'll give you something more compelling to watch. I mean: you can get away with that sort of string-along once (maybe twice) on a PPV, but only provided that you're surrounding it with big time, exciting, dramatic, surprisingly, DECISIVE action. But you can't get away with it six times all on the same PPV (four times explicitly stated, and twice implied).
   
  As patient a man as I am, that crosses well over the line as far as I'm concerned. There is a difference between my beloved "Sustainable Episodic TV" (where you use creativity and cleverness to nudge stories ahead slowly until it's time for the PPV pay-off) and flat-out not having a pay-off to deliver. Or being unwilling to supply one, for whatever reasons. "Sustainable Episodic TV" only has value if you're sustainably getting to somewhere interesting.
   
  Vengeance? Not very interesting. If you require further details, that's what last night's OO PPV Recap is for.
   
  
• That, logically, leads us directly into a discussion/preview of tonight's RAW...
   
  We know that Vince has some sort of new plan for dealing with DX that he -- for reasons entirely his own -- never once mentioned or hinted at over the past 6 months since he started using the Spirit Squad as his Instrument of Choice. Nor did he bother busting it out last night, the very night he promised would be the end of DX. Nope, he kept it secret and is saving it back for tonight. Yippee. 
   
  Just cross your fingers that it doesn't involved kidnapping HBK and HHH, strapping them into chairs, and making them watch the X-Pac/Chyna sex tape. Or worse: making them watch an X-Pac/Chyna live sex show after Vince reveals he's brought back his own version of DX to amuse himself. 
   
  And the second drawing card tonight? Rob Van Dam's cordial and respectful offer to defend the WWE Title (but not the ECW Title) against John Cena. So dumb. In so many ways. (1) The implication is that the two titles are not distinct, rather that one became the other (WWE became the ECW title), and RVD just kept the gay-ass Bling Belt around because he liked to dismissively play with it and joke about how it spins. But now, the deal is that the two titles are separate. But if the ECW title's legitimacy didn't come directly from the WWE Title, then where does it comes from? Or am I thinking too hard?
   
  Anyway, castrated, Cena-loving RVD is defending the WWE Title only tonight, and the outcome SEEMS obvious: Cena will regain his stupid spinner belt, and stay on RAW, while RVD licks his wounds and tries to convince us his other title is still for-real on Tuesday nights.
   
  The only thing I'm hoping for: is that it's TOO obvious (in the same way that Edge beating RVD struck us all as "obvious"), and WWE may actually surprise us with something interesting. Cuz look: the "swerve" of RVD beating Edge at the PPV becomes meaningless if they just turn around and hand the title back to Cena tonight. It's worse than meaningless, actually; it's actually a MISTAKE, since I think most of us would rather have NOT been surprised last night and to have Edge get another reign as champ rather than see the title revert back to Homey the Clown.
   
  I mean, there are reasons for Edge to hold the title. I can think of few, if any, for Cena to hold it. If Cena's got it, Edge is really his only opposition at this point, and nobody cares about a heel chasing an ostensible babyface. [And if you are saying "But Rick, what about Randy Orton?", you will have to excuse me while I pretend I can't hear you.] On the other hand, if Edge wins the belt, you get the much-more-compelling "chase" scenario for Cena, and you would also have Triple H available as a later challenger, Michaels could get a token shot or two (and wouldn't those matches against Edge rule?), Flair's still there, Kane will be rehabilitated in time, and you in general have LOTS more options.
   
  But for the time being, WWE's apparently decided Edge is NOT an option. It's either back home onto Cena, or staying with RVD.... maybe the work-around is that WWE "swerves" us by having Edge once again help RVD beat Cena, and once again demands a WWE Title shot. Cena v. Edge can then be a full-time RAW feud, while there's this background simmering crossover issue between Edge/RVD that might wait till SummerSlam till blow-off (at which point, hey, if ECW does a good enough job actually establishing RVD as a champion, then he can drop the spinner belt back to Edge, and no harm done). 
   
  So let's cross our fingers and hope for that tonight. Anything else, and I really do think RAW runs the risk of stagnation.
   
  Beyond those two things: I'm betting we get Umaga/Kamala (and I'm betting it tempts my FF Finger).... Foley needs a promo in which to redeem the Foley/Flair feud and set it in a new direction that *does* involve ultra-violence and stuntmanery (given the buckets gushed by Flair last night).... Orton does NOT need a promo in which to mangle grammar and temporal causality, nor does Chris F. Masters have to return just because I think it's now been over 30 days.... we oughta keep the spotlight on the IC Title picture given how well those guys performed last night (my vote: Shelton gets his one-on-one rematch against Nitro, while Carlito steals the show on guest commentary).... Candice Michelle probably owes Mickie James some retribution after last week, but whatever crap they do SHOULD just be prelude to the revelation that Trish's shoulder is OK, and Candice can go back to doing whatever it is she does.... Kane and Fake Kane? Blarghhh.... and chances are good that the Spirit Squad get demoted, now that Vince is through with them, which means we'll remember they have the tag team titles; and probably just in time for the Highlanders to arrive.
   
  I'm not really sure what to expect tonight, but I also know that it's my cross to bear to watch closely and recap for you, with all the usual turd-polishing aplomb that you expect out of OO. So check it out tonight, and then come on back here tomorrow to watch as I kiss it and make it better.
   
  
• Off topic question: did anybody else find last night's PPV broadcast picture to be kind of faded and pink-hued? Cuz mine sure was, and I don't know why....
   
  If it was a local issue (and not caused at the source), I wonder if I could use that as an excuse to get my money back? I certainly feel like I'd deserve it!
   
  
• It was good to see Val Venis back and seemingly healthy as one of RAW's b-show lumberjacks.... I'm sure he'll step right back into the role he left following WrestleMania: that of underutilized veteran who actually pops the crowd unlike other certain assclowns who I could name.
   
  I actually briefly toyed with the notion of Val being an "ECW Mole" on the RAW side of the lumberjack match, since he'd fit in well in an ECW environment, I think.... but of course, for some kind of angle like that to have happened would have required the creative team to be awake and alert and interested in booking something other than "Superman Finish #1 (in a series of 1)" for Cena's match. And clearly, that can't happen.
   
  
• The other big story of the weekend was ECW's return to a sold-out ECW Arena in Philadelphia. To say the show was a trainwreck would be an understatement. It started with fans chanting "Fuck you, Vince" before the show even started, it ended with brawls in the parking lots between ECW Apologists and Cena Huggers, and in the middle, it had Paul Heyman getting booed by some of his own most loyal followers. Wild.
   
  There are actually conflicting reports, as is increasingly the case with ECW stories/opinions. Some say the show was pretty good, and it was just deluded, old school ECW fans who ruined it by not accepting something new. Others say they'd be fine with something new, as long as it didn't seem to be roughly the same thing as an episode of Velocity, and feel their upset is justified.
   
  Me? After hearing about the show (the matches themselves, as well as the response from the fans), believe it's time I start carving out a third niche somewhere in the middle ground. Because I've been calling for "something new" since the very beginning here, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna accept a new pile of boring-ass crap and like it just cuz there's an "ECW" label on it. Why not? Because the "old school" part of me still understands what made ECW different and fun, while the Current Day Thinking Man part of me can't comprehend how WWE wouldn't emphasize those elements.
   
  Let me put it this way: it's one thing if you want to behave stupidly or irrationally and you behave that way from the start. It's still not a particularly good way to behave, but at least everybody who's observing you knows it's the best you can do, and can't really fault you.... but it's another thing entirely if you start out behaving sanely and wisely, and then, for no discernable reason, change gears to behave like a retard. Which is what WWE, more and more, seems to be doing.
   
  ECW died its 2001 death for plenty of good reasons. But it also lived and thrived for years before that for good reasons. And when WWE decided to see if there was any money left to be squeezed from the franchise back in 2004, they put ECW -- in its entirety, warts and all -- out there for the public to decide upon. What the public decided to do was turn "The Rise and Fall of ECW" DVD into the 4th or 5th best-selling WWE DVD of all times, and to turn last year's One Night Stand into the 3rd or 4th biggest-selling PPV of 2005. That's the level of interest that "genuine" (or at least quasi-genuine) ECW inspired. And it made WWE a LOT of money.
   
  Even as recently as two months ago, they seemed to grasp this concept of how to present ECW in order to make money off it it: Joey Styles farewell speech on RAW had him speaking openly and honestly in a way that was distinctly ECW in terms of its respect for the fans to decide for themselves. But part of that kick-ass rant involved Joey going apeshit over the issue of calling wrestlers "Sports Entertainers." And guess what? Today, you go to ECW's website, and they might not have "Sport Entertainers" or "Superstars," but they also don't have "Wrestlers" or "Athletes." They have "Extremists" (and that was a change from "Rebels," which was the nomenclature for about a week before). Oh, and the ECW divas are "Vixens." Because the letter X is eXtreme!
   
  I just hope that whatever filtration process took place between Joey ranting against bullshit, marketing department labels and then asking Joey to go on TV to get a new slate of bullshit, marketing department labels over was overseen by a Highly Paid Individual Who Has His Head So Far Up His Own Ass That He Fails To See The Crippling Irony. Otherwise, if anybody in WWE *is* aware of the irony, and is mapping this remarkable change in direction and vibe for the ECW relaunch, and they aren't taking it directly to Vince McMahon and saying "Here, look at this, isn't this ass backwards?", then there's something wrong. Granted, taking something like this to Vince and asking him to grasp the full meaning and significance might be difficult, but if you take a large brick and bludgeon him over the head with it enough times, you're sure to break through that protective hair helmet of his and start rattling some of his braincells back into life.
   
  ECW continues to be in a near-daily state of flux, too. Just going by all the schedulings and re-schedulings of shows, you can see it. That's because now WWE doesn't want ECW to run it's own shows on Mondays or PPV Sundays because they want to be free to continue running crossover angles. Doesn't mean that they will (given how fast things are changing), but it does mean that the option will be there. 
   
  By the way: the one thing Heyman got booed for by the Philly fans was when he tried to pimp the July 4 ECW Taping (which got moved to the Wachovia Center, instead of taking place at the ECW Arena... probably for the very reason of WWE/Sci-Fi being scared as hell of what the ECW Arena fans would do). And sadly: the one thing that Heyman CAN'T do in this New ECW is actually shoot straight with the fans. The old Heyman would poop out a turd, and the next show, he'd be the one on TV telling you he was sorry and that he'd make it up to you. This Heyman just had to forge ahead with his plug for a glorified WWE taping. He couldn't even do something as subversive as say, "Hey, if that's how you feel about the new ECW, then I'm begging you, PLEASE come to our show on July 4 and let your voices be heard, because I'm dying back here, and it's only gonna be with your help that we get anybody to realize how badly they're fucking up." Cuz trust me, if he HAD been able to say that, it would have been another 1200 tickets sold right there. And from what I heard about first weekend sales for the July 4 show, they could use an extra 1200 warm bodies. And then another 2000 on top of that.
   
  Anyway, the show was.... well, it wasn't bad by most accounts, it just wasn't ECW. CM Punk was the only debut (beating Stevie Richards), though Test was present and expected to work (a "creative decision" kept him off the show, which leads me to wonder if the decision was "don't send him out there, this crowd will crucify him"). Everything else was just a mish-mash of the dozen or so guys you've already seen on TV. Dreamer vs. Big Show was the only match with story behind it, and RVD vs. Angle was your "dream match" main event.
   
  The feeling backstage? Well, a lot of the guys were happy to be working there, but most of 'em kinda understood it was probably for the last time (and that was before half the crowd turned against the show). Working 1500 seat buildings just doesn't fit in with WWE's vision of a new ECW.... and that part of their vision is fine. It's the part where they present underwhelming, WWE-style shows where I begin to get antsy.
   
  Between the whole "extremists"/"vixens" thing and going to the Hallowed Bingo Hall and putting on what they HAD to know would be a poorly received show, I almost begin to hope that this is all part of some massive plot to "blow up" ECW by having Heyman get on live TV and declare it to be a crock of shit, and daring Vince McMahon to let him run his own show, or else, by god, he'll go run it for somebody else and make them all the money. Because this is all so stupid that if it's NOT on purpose, you really have to wonder how people this dumb get paid to make decisions this important.
   
  
• Some quick recap/ratings from last weekend.... TNA did a 1.1 rating, which is a slight upward tick coming off a PPV. I wasn't much of a fan of the show for the first time in a few weeks, and think it clunked on the storyline side, up to and including the crap-ass finish to the X Division match. Then again: I loathe Scott Steiner, and anything that serves to keep him on my TV for another week is anathema to me. I just think they've had better options for relieving Joe of the title if he'd been determined to be a Division Killer (which he is, but in his case, maybe that's not so bad?).....
   
  And SmackDown! did a 2.5, which is up nominally from recent weeks, but still sucks. Hey, at least this week, more people watched SD! than ECW, though! Good for the b-show, beating out the c-show like that! Admitted highlight from SD!: I am liking JBL's commentary work. He's still awkwardly putting his own material ahead of forging any chemistry with Cole, but that'll come with time. Mostly, it's good to see that he's putting the action on the screen ahead of his own agenda, which ALMOST makes me believe that he's serious about staying retired due to lingering back pain. Almost.
   
  
• To cover a story-that's-not-a-story (but which enough people are bugging me about): yes, the Rock ruptured his achilles' tendon last week while in final preparations for his next movie (about a football player who is forced to take custody of a daughter he didnt know he had). He had surgery, and since I believe it was only a partial rupture, is expected to be able to return to work in a matter of a few months.
   
  Of course, "work" means "making crappy movies," and not "wrestling," so I'm not sure exactly why it matters. I mean, I guess, technically, the prognosis means that Rock will be medically cleared to participate at WrestleMania 22, but any of you out there holding your breath for such an occurrence are probably gonna be partially decomposed by next April.
   
  
• If you likes you the movie news, I might as well mention that "Nacho Libre" held up really well in Week 2, doing about $13 million, and landing in third place (holding off a couple debuting films)... only Sandler's "Click" (which debuted at #1) caused it to drop a spot.
   
  And though "Nacho" is still listed on the SD! Superstars page of WWE.com, it appears as though any early talks to have Nacho appear -- most likely only in vignette form -- evaporated when Jack Black's wife had to go and birth his firstborn son about a week before the movie came out, thus effectively screwing with much of his intended promotional work (you'll note that Jack's not made a round of any of the NYC talk shows like Letterman and Conan yet, just the LA ones, so he can stay close to home). The 50% promotional junket makes the success of the movie all the more impressive, really. I still haven't re-seen it, but I guess others must be spreading positive word of mouth....
   
  
• I think that's scraping the bottom of the relevance barrel, so I'll call it day, folks. But only after quickly responding to the many "I read somewhere that ECW commissioned a cover of Enter Sandman by Motorhead, why doesn't WWE/ECW use that one?" e-mails I've gotten.... First: you probably read it here, dummies (I know I've mentioned it more than once). And second: since I've been mentioning it, it should be clear that I don't know precisely why WWE/ECW can't use it.
   
  My only guess would be that ECW didn't have a direct hand in their compliation album, and artists negotiated with the label to license the tracks. Which would mean ECW didn't ever gain ownership of them. Still, I don't know how -- given the current relationship -- Motorhead and WWE couldn't work something out (something more reasonable than Metallica's $1 million per month demands). Maybe it has something to do with Motorhead just wanting to dick with Paul E.? I remember that Motorhead's cover actually got nominated for a Grammy that year (and if you need any further evidence of just what a joke the Grammys are and how only the mentally enfeebled should pay attention to them, there you go: Motorhead's cover of a 10-year-old Metallica song was deemed one of the top five Metal Tracks of Whatever Year That Was by the Academy), and Paul E. cut more than one promo about how that was such a joke that more deserving bands got shafted while Lemmy just got dragged out of bed, grunted his way through a song somebody else wrote, and was getting rewarded for it. I dunno....
   
  
• And I am outta here.