OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

ONLINE ONSLAUGHT
TEAM COVERAGE:
WWE SummerSlam 2006 PPV Preview
August 18, 2006

Compiled by Rick Scaia
Featuring All Your Favorite OnlineOnslaught.com Semi-Stars

I was planning on splitting my end-of-week writing into two pieces: a purely news column on Thursday, and then this Fine PPV Preview document on Friday....

Well, then it turned out pretty much the only "news" worth reporting on was eithef of the massively unimportant variety, or it was sad.

The saddest news of the bunch is that Kurt Angle is seemingly deadset on doing himself grievous physical harm (he suffered a severe groin injury over the weekend on a house

show, convinced road agents to let him compete the next night, and was only told to cool his jets once WWE management and trainers got a look at him at Tuesday night's TV tapings; that's why he was pulled from the ladder match).

And then I could have wasted your time with a bunch of crap about how both RAW and ECW did essentially the same ratings (each within 0.1) as the week before. Or mentioned that WWE picked its Diva Search winner (on a USA Network special that did roughly double the ratings of TNA, which makes me die just a little bit inside). Or come up with another excuse to ridicule Carlos Mencia.

I dunno. But I don't exactly feel bad for taking a pass, and just skipping directly ahead to the PPV Preview. Although even this preview doesn't seem like it'll be up to its usual snuff. I had to beg, borrow, lie, cheat, and steal just to get six sets of predictions. As you might have already noticed, I don't know what the hell's going on with Bulldog, but I'm holding out hope that there are at least one or two dirty cheaters out there among the trOOps who are just withholding their picks until after they see tonight's SmackDown!...

In that case, I'll add them back in over the weekend. But I will also curse their names if it turns out they benefit from having procrastinated (instead of just taking it on the chin and prognosticating with only the merest glance at SD! spoilers like the rest of us). Then again, maybe I should feel sorry for them, if they're actually opting to sit through 2 hours of SD!, while the rest of us do something more constructive with our evenings?

Either way, it might be worth your while to check on back here over the weekend in case any more prodigal sons chime in with predictions, and in so doing, render this already-comprehensive document EVEN MORE COMPREHENSIVOSITIVIOUS! Yeah~!

Here's what we got for now, though, on SummerSlam's as-announced 7-match card:

EDGE vs. JOHN CENA
WWE Title Match/Title Changes Hands on DQ or Count-Out

Though I tremble in terror that WWE thinks that Hogan/Orton should be the main event of SummerSlam, the simple fact is that any thinking person should be able to deduce that *this* is the top match on the card. Edge is outstanding, for all Cena's in-ring limitations his antics ALWAYS generate tons of sizzle and Big Match Atmosphere, and bottom line: this is a story over 8 months in the making.

Edge beat Cena for the WWE Title back in January, by craftily cashing in the Money in the Bank at an opportune time. Though Cena regained the belt 3 weeks later, Edge had firmly established himself in the main event mix, and even as Triple H stepped up as Cena's #1 Contender, Edge lurked, and ended up getting himself plugged into a three-way feud (which marked basically RAW's hottest stretch of entertaining shows so far in 2006).

It was in another three way match where Edge won his second WWE Title (defeating Cena and Rob Van Dam about 6 weeks ago)... and since that time, Cena's made it clear he wants his belt back. Also since that time, Edge spent several weeks as a bit player, reduced to small cameos while Cena was plastered all over RAW. Kind of strange use of your champion, there, and it certainly contributed to some less-than-thrilling RAWs.

Luckily, in the last 2 weeks or so, Edge has turned that bizarre booking into a hook: he's bitched up a storm about the conspiracy against him. Not only is he a forgotten man on RAW, but when WWE management DOES deign to remember him, they do things like force Edge to defend his WWE Title against John Cena in Cena's hometown of Boston. And in a match where the title can change hands on DQs or count-outs.

Edge's saltiness has led to a couple of confrontations with Cena, culminating in a "home invasion" angle last week, when Edge went into Cena's childhood home and bitchslapped Cena's dad. Well deserved, too! When a rich white brat from one of Boston's richest suburbs grows up to act like poser-boy John Cena, the parents have got to take SOME of the blame!

Anyway: these two have been going at it off and on for 8 months, now, and I'd be flat-out stunned if they're not at the point where they could sleepwalk through an entertaining match. How the crowd breaks will further add to the intrigue and sizzle. Throw in Lita (and probably Mr. Cena) and my guess is you have enough bells and whistles to make this a really fun 20-25 minutes.

The OOutlOOk
Cena wins: 4 votes --|-- Edge wins: 3 votes

Erin Anderson Says... Cena wins.
Heya! Yes, I still live and breathe. And yes, I'm still frustrated with the WWF product. But Summerslam is the second biggest pay-per-view of the year, so I figure popping in for some predictions is the least I can do.

My plan this month is to figure out what I'd like to see happen, and then pick the opposite. I've noticed I'm last in the predictions rankings, so I figure if I just pick all the outcomes that will annoy me the most I should be able to make up some ground. I mean, if WWE was giving me what I wanted, I'd be spending my TV time still watching them every week instead of being the mysterious unnamed source behind all of Rick's Rock Star: Supernova knowledge.

I don't hate Cena, but I really do like Edge. His first title reign was, what, three weeks? This one's been about a month so far, right? It would be stupid to have him lose the title again so soon. Which is exactly why that's what will happen.

The Cubs Fan Says... Cena wins.
This is a crazy prediction, because it's far too close to John Cena's hometown to expect him not to look like a fool. For Cena to win, they'd have to have different rules from him than the rest of the company - and they do, so he's safe. If Lita is on the way out, the easy way out is her accidentally causing the DQ, starting the breakup and leaving room
for yet another match between the two (and since the next PPV is in Toronto, that seems likely.)

Matt Hocking Says... Cena wins.
WWE is convinced that if they push John Cena hard enough, long enough, that fans will eventually begrudgingly accept him as a superstar. Well, it's not working, and letting Edge drift out of the limelight hasn't helped add any sizzle to this match either. At this point, adding Cena's father just seems
kind of despirate to get people to buy back into the feud.

That said, Edge and Lita are about as good as anybody else right now at drumming up heel heat, and Cena's got the Squealie Girl Squad on his side, plus the "hometown" crowd should be wildly pro-Cena. People will probably crap all over it out of spite, but Cena and Edge have worked pretty well
together, and they'll have plenty of time to lay out whatever story they'd like.

I'm taking Cena in part because his push isn't nearly over while Edge's is likely to suffer a major blow with the loss of Lita in a few months, and also because Cena's movie could probably use the extra promotion. Oooh! Maybe Cena's dad could show up and slap Edge. Then Edge can feud with him
for a month. Fantastic.

Adam Gutschmidt Says... Cena wins.
I'm actually having more difficulty than I should in choosing a winner here. I mean the knee jerk reaction would be to say "Cena doesn't have the title and he's fighting for it on PPV? He must win!" However, I keep mulling over a number of factors that could potentially work against Cena. It's pretty clear that these two will be fighting again next month at Unforgiven. The better draw would be for Cena to keep chasing after the title, which would work in Edge's favor here. You also have to consider this No DQ rule. This is the first match in a long time where the odds are stacked in Cena's factor. Shouldn't that dictate that he would lose this match?

However, there are plenty of reasons (none of them good, mind you) why Cena will win here. First of all, Unforgiven is in Toronto. You could have Edge complain that he lost in a biased city, so why doesn't Cena try to defend the title in Edge's hometown. Also, Edge has gotten the "win" over Cena the past few weeks on RAW. Lord knows we can't go too long before giving Cena his heat back. Then there is the old standby of Cena must have the title. Let's face it...had RVD not gotten into trouble, he would have most likely been dropping the title to Cena here, so why should Edge be any different.

I will say this...whether Cena wins or not, he's got a tough month ahead of him. They'll be visiting Jersey, MSG and Toronto all within the next few weeks. And I can't imagine any of those crowds giving him a very friendly reception.

PyroFalkon Says... Edge wins.
Wrestling rule #811: When odds are totally stacked against a wrestler, and said wrestler bitches about it, said wrestler will win. I suppose WWE could "swerve us smarks" and have Cena win by DQ or something, but no matter what else goes on, Cena won't be walking out of SummerSlam with gold.

You know what would be cool? If Cena loses, then blames his hometown (of Boston, MA~!), and goes balls-out heel. Yeah, I'd like that.

Jeff Snider Says... Edge wins.
For the past year or so, WWE has had a lot of fun stacking the odds against John Cena and then letting him beat said odds. So what do they do now that the odds are stacked in his favor? I mean, he's in his hometown, he can win the title on a DQ, he can F-U The World's Fattest Love Machine, etc. Honestly, there's no way he can lose, right? Well, I don't think "there was no way he could lose, and he didn't lose" is a very compelling story, and I am crossing my fingers that WWE agrees.

Rick Scaia Says... Edge wins.
And we're off.... and yikes. Right out of the gate, I'm being retarded and going with "Rick Think" instead of with "WWE Think." I just cannot stomach the thought of Edge having another title reign measured in weeks, instead of months, not if fricking Cena is to be the beneficiary.

I know, in a deep, dark, secret place I wish I didn't have, that Cena has to win because he's got a movie coming out, and for some reason, WWE thinks that if the star of said shitfest (I kid you not: before the last round of re-shoots, it was universally considered to be thrice as awful as "See No Evil") is also the current WWE Champ, it'll somehow make more money at the box office.

But c'mon: there's still a RAW-only PPV coming up just before "The Marine" opens, and I vote we stretch Edge out for another month. It doesn't, fundamentally, fix the problem of Cena being a polarizing "babyface" whose main event feuds will be problematic because of his mixed reactions... but at least it gives Edge a little something extra to toot his own horn about as he's once again shoved onto the back burner.

Plus, dramatically-speaking, they've done so much to cast Edge as an improbably underdog (the hometown thing, the title-changing-hands-on-a-DQ thing) that the ONLY way to do something moderately creative and satisfying is to have Edge circumvent all those handcuffs to still win. I very much doubt WWE would go and let Edge have an even semi-clean pinfall win over Superman Cena.... but some kind of screwy DQ win (it could be as gay as Edge luring Cena's dad into the ring, where the ref would have no choice but to DQ Cena after Cena Sr. throws a shitty-looking chairshot that Edge can mostly-no-sell; or it could be, you know?, GOOD) would work.

Let Cena stew for a week or so. Grant him one final title shot, but this time EDGE holds all the cards, so he can make the stips for the next PPV. Edge demands that this is Cena's last title shot ever (as long as Edge holds the title), and should, of course, insist on his signature match: a TLC Match (in which I think Edge is undefeated on PPV). Obviously, Cena has to win at that point. But doing it this way at least leaves my vagina delightfully fresh and sand-free for one extra month.

MICK FOLEY vs. RIC FLAIR
"I Quit" Match

To hear Mick Foley tell it, the hostilities here go back over a decade, when Cactus Jack was an up-and-coming star for WCW while Ric Flair was the head booker for the company. Needless to say, Foley didn't think too highly of Flair's management credentials, and gave voice to those feelings in his best-selling autobiographies.

Flair counted in his own recent biography, calling Foley nothing more than a "glorified stuntman." About 2 years ago, the bad blood boiled over, and Foley and Flair had the beginnings of a backstage brawl before cooler heads prevailed.

Now, here in the Year of Our Lord 2006, the two legends have decided to direct their animosity in a more productive direction: by channeling it into an on-screen feud. It started almost completely at random, with Flair returning to TV after a hiatus (during which time he got re-married) to start bad-mouthing Foley. In a confusing two week stretch, Foley went from promising to "stink up the joint" in the single worst match in wrestling history against Flair to demanding a chance to showcase his Actual Wrestling Skills in a 2-out-of-3-Falls Match. The end result ended up being a 5 minute PPV match where neither man seemed to be putting a whole lot of effort into the match itself. But when Flair won in 2 straight falls, the angle kicked in, and Foley battered Flair savagely in front of his family.

It seemed to be a case of losing the battle, but winning the war, for Mick. But almost instantly, Flair started demanding a rematch. In some of the strongest promo work of the year, Foley laid out his reasons for not wanting to grant Flair the rematch. Week in and week out, Flair's side of the mic work was spotty, but Foley would always step in and clarify things the next week, making it clear that -- now that their positions are reversed from what they were in WCW -- there's no way Mick was gonna give Flair what he wanted.

Twas a thing of beauty for about a month straight. And then, finally, Flair came up with a gambit that worked: he used Foley's own words against him. Flair pointed out that Foley considers a 1989 Flair/Funk "I Quit" Match to be the greatest wrestling match in history... and it ate Foley up inside to be faced with the fact that Flair (and not himself) had been involved in one of the most entertainingly brutal brawls of all time. Foley finally accepted Flair's challenge, demanded it be an "I Quit" match, and promised that he'll deliver the greatest match of all times.

Mick Foley's spoken at length about wanting to make sure fans can trust him when he makes promises.... so either that doesn't count when it's Heel Mick Foley making the promises (which, in its own way, would be just about the only way to get most fans to boo him at this point), or Mick and Flair really do intend to tear the house down Sunday night at SummerSlam. If it's the former, it could be REALLY funny to see Foley step in the ring and shout "I Quit" 4 seconds into the match. If it's the latter, I'm fully prepared to feel VERY guilty about watching two men who don't have a damned thing left to prove in this business doing things to their bodies that shouldn't even be attempted by men 20 years their juniors.

The OOutlOOk
Flair wins: 5 votes --|-- Foley wins: 2 votes

Erin Anderson Says... Flair wins.
Ric Flair has assaulted me twice. Mick Foley is a close, personal friend of OO. I think Rick would renounce my Columnist Status if I didn't root for Mick. Which is too bad, because that means he's going to lose.

The Cubs Fan Says... Flair wins.
I'm not sure about this finish at all. I figure Flair because this seems like the end of the feud. Even though Flair won the first match, he's really looking for revenge here. I just don't know how we're getting to a point where either guy says I Quit. I hope they're allowed to do everything they want (and don't have to hold bits back because the DX/McMahon match will end up being somewhat similar), and at the same
time, I worry about what lengths they'll go to sell the carnage if there are no limits. This is the most intriguing match on the show, and I don't even know if it'll be good.

Matt Hocking Says... Foley wins.
If we're telling the truth here, neither guy really has any business winning. Foley's more or less a high profile jobbing target for guys WWE really wants to put over, and Flair has been completely outclassed this whole feud. If this is to be the big blowoff, and there's no reason to think that it won't be, neither guy will really be serviced by winning or hurt by losing.

I'm picking Foley to go over because he's put everything he's got into this feud, and WWE pretty much owes him one win, and it might as well come over Flair. Hell, if they want to do a rubber match between the two somewhere down the line, at least Foley winning would even it up. Besides, Mick has
pretty much made his career out of not quitting, and Flair taps out all the time. One thing that I guarantee you though, if Foley wins, the announcers will make a big deal about what a badass Flair is. And depending on whether or not Flair can pull out the kind of match he did in ECW or in the TLC
match in January, he might just look like a badass.

Adam Gutschmidt Says... Foley wins.
If there were more matches signed for the card, I think I would be more likely to agree with the suggestion a reader gave Rick about having Foley come in and immediately say I quit. As disappointing as that would be, it would also be a totally awesome heel move to pull. Instead, I think we are actually going to see a bloodbath in Boston. Given the advanced age of both these guys, I cringe thinking about what they may try to do. Let's just hope they are safe in the spots they try. In choosing a winner, the main deciding factor was trying to determine if this is it or not. Frankly, I can't see this being the last chapter in the story. So, if they are going to let this continue...the logical pick would be the heel. Flair got the win at Vengeance, so give Foley the win here. Then you can probably let the feud cool down for a while and then reignite it for the rubber match at Survivor Series or even Wrestlemania.

PyroFalkon Says... Flair wins.
Man, this one is tough. They've done such a good job building it up, and both guys have such long-standing reputations of being tough, that I haven't got the first damn clue which to call. I think it would be more special if it's Foley who goes down, and that's the only reason I'm picking him. My logic is, if Mick no longer needs to worry about keeping intact his reputation (because, let's face it, he's a wrestling legend and will always be), does he need to win here? Would he do the job?

But then, goes the other part of mind, what would be the point? Ric's established, he doesn't need to go over. Mick's definitely more in his element here, with the whole arena fair game… Geez, I just don't know. I could debate this with myself all night.

So, I'm going for Ric, and for no real reason. I just have a feeling. Of course, with my rep in this game of ours, that probably clues you in that Foley will go over… but who the hell cares? This will RAWK~!

Jeff Snider Says... Flair wins.
Here's the problem I see here: I don't see any way that Foley can have the wicked awesome "I Quit" match he is capable of and not walk out a babyface. Maybe it's just me, being a huge Foley mark, because I have a hard time seeing him as a heel anyway, especially when the other choice is Ric Flair. But anyway, so if we accept my premise that Foley having a great match is going to turn him into a face, the question becomes: does WWE see that as a problem. If they don't want Foley to be a good guy, then they have him pull some shenanigan like the one Rick mentioned briefly last week, just walking into the ring, grabbing a mic, and yelling, "I Quit!" If they don't mind him becoming a face, they can let him do his magic in the ring, and he and Old Man Ric can put on quite a show. But even if Mick puts on a show, that doesn't mean he will win. He can be just as sympathetic with a loss as with a win. So I figure Foley has a 1-in-3 chance of winning, which makes me pick Flair.

Rick Scaia Says... Flair wins.
If there's one coinflip on the show, this is it. Because it's between two "legends," neither of whom "needs" the win or would be irreparably hurt by a loss.

Last time 'round, I joked that nobody loses important matches with greater frequency than Mick Foley. But that was at the ECW PPV, and I'd forgotten that Tommy Dreamer takes his Big Match Patheticness even MORE seriously than Mick. So Foley had to win in that case, so that Dreamer could fulfill his fantasy of losing yet another PPV match. It goes without saying that Flair doesn't possess Tommy's flamboyant selflessness...

So that, more than anything, is what tips the scales to Flair for me. That, plus the fact that Mick can -- to put it bluntly -- talk his way out of the loss being that big a deal WAY easier than Flair could at this point. Foley's excellent promos as of late (while Flair's been sometimes-lost in between his own high spots) leave me convinced that he'll spin things so that all we remember is the match. Not who won it.

And if the match itself is even half-as-memorable as Hell in the Cell 2 (which Foley also lost), then I think the only thing that'll really matter is that the FANS are the winners.

SHAWN MICHAELS/TRIPLE H vs. VINCE/SHANE McMAHON

Going back to the start of the New Year, Vince McMahon has endeavored to make Shawn Michaels' life a living hell. For a while, that meant HBK having to deal with various iterations of Vince, Shane, and the Spirit Squad all by his lonesome. Well, unless you count "God," who ostensibly tagged with Shawn for one memorably blasphemous PPV match.

Things got shaken up a bit, though, when Vince McMahon started trying to enlist the aid of Triple H in his anti-Michaels quest. Trips didn't see how it was really any of his problem, and was slow to join in. And when the Spirit Squad started to rub HHH the wrong way? Well, he outright defied the wishes of Vince to attack the Spirit Squad.

All of a sudden, HHH and Shawn Michaels had common enemies. And it didn't take long before they decided to quit tip-toeing around it, and they once again dubbed themselves Degeneration X. The reunited DX have spent the past 2 months playing all manner of juvenile pranks on the McMahons. Many of them Cock Related.

In the last two weeks, the McMahons finally started to even the score a bit, as they got Umaga to do some of their dirty work. In singles matches, Umaga has pinned both Michaels and HHH, and now, Vince has promised that more of the same can and will happen at SummerSlam. In his words, DX are just 2 men, but the McMahons have unlimited resources.

To me, that seems to set the stage for DX busting out a surprise "resource" of their own, whether it's a new member, or possibly Stephanie McMahon herself showing up to ally herself with DX as she reveals her baby's true daddy. But before we get to that big finish, it should also mean this is a very hyper-actively over-booked Sports Entertainment Segment. Every show needs one of those, and I think these four will pull it off just fine.

The OOutlOOk
DX wins: 5 votes --|-- McMahons win: 2 votes

Erin Anderson Says... McMahons win.
Ummmm: when all else fails, I usually think that the full-time wrestlers should win over the owners of the company. I suspect the owners of the company may have other plans in this case.

The Cubs Fan Says... DX wins.
Please let this be over. There's no way it's actually over, but the world would be a better place with this over. With the promising of heels running in from RAW, I have this feeling we might see people running into to actually join DX. It'd be something a bit more exciting than this feud is right now.

Matt Hocking Says... McMahons win.
Credit where credit is due, Vince McMahon allows himself, quite often, to play the ass on TV. Too much and for too long. But, with two week Umaga assisted hiccup aside, DX has completely destroyed the McMahons in this feud to date. Honestly, I don't think Vince is willing to lop his own (grapefruit-sized) balls off to promote DX in their first "real"
confrontation. Yes, I said "first," I fully expect at least one more match between these four. Because really, if Vince loses yet another match to these guys, he's rendered himself completely ineffective as a threat, and Lord knows he wouldn't do that.

So Vince uses his unlimited resources to get Umaga and the Spirit Squad to run interference for him, and he finally gets one victory over DX to gloat about until their next match. Not only would that restore some semblence of balance to this feud, but I think the DX concept plays a little better on
their heels (not as heels, mind, but ON them) than as the constant victors. And with all the spotfest stuff spread all over the other matches, the outside interference is really going to have to work overtime to make this entertaining.

Adam Gutschmidt Says... DX wins.
I can't tell if I should be excited for this match or not. The origin of this feud began last December, which means we are going on month 9 of this feud. The recent build leading up to this match hasn't been enthralling television either. Having said all that, I can't imagine that these four aren't going to try to do something interesting and entertaining. No stips have been made for the match, but I wouldn't be surprised if this turns into a no DQ or hardcore type match. Even if you factor in Umaga or any other "unlimited resource" that the McMahons may use, I don't see them getting the win. It's time to put this puppy to bed. DX has had a nice summer run, but it's time for those two to move on to other things, which should mean they get the victory here.

Last minute addition: I just had a crazy thought...I'm still going with DX to win, but I just came up with a scenario that is plausible and would have the McMahons win. What if one of McMahon's "unlimited resources" was HHH himself and he turned on Shawn in the middle of the match. You could tie in Stephanie's pregnancy and have HHH come back to the family. Plus he could say that Shawn never fully had his heart into this new DX and that pissed off HHH. You could then have HHH beat down Shawn to the point where he leaves to have his surgery. HHH could then get back into the title picture, but also have an insta-feud with Shawn set for when he eventually returns. Hmmmm...

PyroFalkon Says... DX wins.
I won't say that DX has run its course already, but if they wanted to pull the trigger on a Triple H re-turn (or an HBK turn), they could do it here. Have the traitor cause the loss, then have him and the McMahons beatdown the last guy. It wouldn't make a hell of a lot of sense, though… it's not like they've teased a breakup, and DX looks stronger than ever. Plus, why disintegrate a team that's still selling merchandise?

So I call DX to go over here, but maybe they'll start the process of teasing a heel turn for one of the guys? Because I really don't see any more story happening after this; I think this whole feud has gone on just long enough. If the McMahons win and we continue the story without a heel tease, then they're milking it too much.

Jeff Snider Says... DX wins.
Vince has all sorts of resources at his disposal, as he mentioned last week. The only question is, are they retarded resources like Doink the Clown and Men on a Mission, or will Vinny Mac actually bust out some hardcare tough guys. I am leaning towards retards, especially since the McMahons have gotten the better of DX the last few weeks. Shawn and Hunter win.

Rick Scaia Says... DX wins.
Simple connect-the-dots WWE Logic here. DX "dominated" this feud early on with their sophomoric humor. But the last three weeks have been all McMahon, with Michaels and HHH jobbing to Umaga, and the McMahons boasting about "unlimited resources."

Three weeks is a coon's age (whatever the hell that cliche refers to) in wrestling terms, so it's time for the momentum to swing again, and to do so in unexpected/surprising fashion. Let the McMahons bring their Unlimited Resources to the ring.... but then let DX have an ace up their sleeves to turn the tide and give them the big win.

I sort of do like my notion of Stephanie being involved. Afterall, I think it's universally agreed-upon that she's tolerable only in small doses, and that would make this a PERFECT guest spot for her: kind of a one-off deal to say "screw you, Daddy, I'm boning Hunter!", and then she's back on maternity leave. You get the "moment" of her turning on her family and announcing HHH as her baby's daddy, and you get it without the sinking feeling of despair you'd get if you knew she'd be on TV every week, henceforth. Everybody wins!

But if not Steph? Well: anything but X-Pac, that's all I'm beggin' ya.

BOOKER T vs. BATISTA
World Title Match

Let's see:

Batista came back from a 7-month injury lay-off. Batista lost 2 straight matches to Ken Kennedy. Batista won a third match against Kennedy. Batista is somehow deemed the #1 Contender to Booker T's title.

That's it. That's all there is to it.

If you think that makes for a PPV Title Match, then congratulations: WWE will gladly hire you for their Creative Team.

The OOutlOOk
Batista wins: 4 votes --|-- Booker wins: 3 votes

Erin Anderson Says... Batista wins.
I dunno. Smackdown is the one show I don't really keep up with, and I like both Booker and Batista. Booker's only had the title for a few weeks, though. For the same reason I'd cheer for Edge, I'd cheer for Booker. So that means Batista wins.

The Cubs Fan Says... Booker wins.
If Batista wins the belt back, then what? It's not like Booker is doing bad as King Booker, and a longer feud might help build back the worth of this title. Neither guy really has challengers lined up, so they can keep on going with this for a while if Booker holds on.

Matt Hocking Says... Booker wins.
The story to be told is clearly Batista winning the World Title, and going on to do his own feuds (probably the one against Rey). But I don't know that now is the time to tell that particular story. Bastista spent the first month of his comeback feuding with Mark Henry and Ken Kennedy, with
the World Title shot hanging in the background, but never fully realized until the last few weeks. Now, the problem is that Booker's run has been very entertaining, and it's far too early to put a bullet in it, despite what Vince may or may not think of Booker's WCW pedigree.

So, here's the thing. Batista can absorb a cheap loss here, especially with Cena winning the World Title in front of the hometown crowd later in the night. Let King Booker pick up a cheap victory over Dave, and lord it over him and then, with a little better build up, Dave can roll over him at No Mercy in October.

Adam Gutschmidt Says... Booker wins.
If you asked me two months ago who was winning the title at Summerslam, I would have said Batista in an instant. However, I think they've struck gold with the King Booker gimmick and it would be wasteful to ruin it this soon. Let's face it, there are a whole lot more more faces who could go after the title than there are heels. If Batista wins, Booker would have to get the rematch and then you would have to wait all the way until Oct to do it. If Booker wins, he could continue his feud with Batista or he could move onto Taker or Rey. Batista can win the title at any point and the fans will be happy, so why rush it. Let this King Booker thing ride its course before taking the title off of him.

PyroFalkon Says... Batista wins.
I'm really buying into the King Booker gimmick and character. I kinda hope he's not just a transitional champion, but I fear he will be. Still, I'm undecided about this one. I think "King Booker whining about losing" is far more entertaining than "King Booker bragging about retaining," especially since it can be argued that the latter has been happening since he won the belt in the first place. I hope it's the direction they go, but if this was Oddsmakers on Pardon the Interruption, I'd only be giving Batista a 60% chance of pulling this off.

Jeff Snider Says... Batista wins.
Batista never lost the title. Batista would have remained champion if he hadn't injured himself while "taking one for the team" and compensating for another injury. He sacrificed himself when he knew WWE couldn't afford to lose him after Eddie died; I don't think there's any way they won't put the title back on him now.

Rick Scaia Says... Batista wins.
From one perspective, I guess this is a deal where I just want to avoid telling the "same story" twice on the same show. So you can't have both the RAW and SD! titles reverting back to the signature babyfaces in the same three-hour span, nor can you have both interim heels managing to retain against seemingly insurmountable odds.

I like the idea of Edge retaining, so to balance that, I'm picking Batista here. I think there's a second, and very valid, reason to move the title back onto Batista, too: unlike the whole asinine notion of putting the title on Cena to promote his movie, SD! *is* changing networks in a few weeks, and when they make that jump, their household penetration will shoot up, and they're going to want to be presenting the strongest possible product they can.

This is *not* a knock on Booker (who's hitting home run after home run with his performances), but it's a simple pragmatic observation that a lead babyface holding the title will send a stronger image out to fans than a chickenshit heel champ. Make that first splash, try to grow back some of SD!'s audience, and once you stabilize ratings on "The CW" (hopefully up closer to 3.0 than the 2.1s and 2.2s the show is doing, now), THAT is when you can pull the rug out, put the title back on Booker, and commence to having Batista chase, or whatever you want to do.

Plus, the way the SD! roster is, Booker is in little danger of getting lost in the shuffle if he loses the title: his character will still be over, and he'll still be essentially the #1 or #2 heel on the brand. Those are things you can't say about Edge on the much-more-stacked RAW Roster, where even WITH the title, Edge was sometimes a forgotten man over the last month and a half.

BIG SHOW vs. SABU
ECW Title Match

The "ECW" Title materialized magically out of thin air when Rob Van Dam won the WWE Title back in June. He ostensibly "unified" the two titles for several weeks, until he went and got busted for possessing pot. On back-to-back nights, the two titles got split off: the WWE Title went to Edge, and then Paul Heyman conspired to help the Big Show take the "ECW" Title from RVD.

Since that time, Heyman has claimed that he's doing what's "right for ECW," even if it means sacrificing his relationships with old ECW alumni. Heyman considers himself a "martyr" for the cause of hardcore wrestling, which off course makes hardcore wrestling fans furious when Heyman's going and doing things like installing Big Show as his champion. In other words: it's a fairly effective gambit for getting heel heat on Show for reasons other than his lack of in-ring ability.

With RVD suspended for 30 days, Show basically adopted a Standing Open Challenge, and mowed down random competition from RAW and SD! on Tuesday nights (the best match of the bunch coming against Ric Flair). As this was going on, Sabu began campaigning to get a title shot.... but Heyman refused on the grounds that Sabu's too crazy and even if he did manage to beat Big Show, he might break his own body, and then what's ECW gonna do? So to "protect his investment" in Big Show, Heyman constantly denied Sabu's requests.

With the returns of Kurt Angle and Rob Van Dam, the ECW Title picture suddenly got a lot more interesting (and without relying on cameo appearances by RAW/SD! outsiders).... along with Sabu, the three were scheduled to compete in a #1 Contender's Ladder Match earlier this week. But as noted above, Angle had to be pulled (against his will) from the match, leaving it as an RVD/Sabu one-on-one match. When Big Show tried to interfere and attacked both men, Sabu managed to leap onto Big Show's shoulders, and from that perch, he was able to grab the contract for the title match.

So it's on... and if it's under "ECW Rules," I expect it to be quite good. If it's not under "ECW Rules," then WWE is officially retarded. Show's been more than entertaining when paired off against the right opponent and given the freedom to use various props and gimmicks.... and Sabu given permission to go 100% full speed? Well, hell, the guy even got a fun match out of John Cena at the last PPV, so we all know how good that can be. This COULD be quite amusing, but it's also another case (like the main event) where I'm also really curious how the fans will break: do they side with Big Show because he's the recognizable "WWE Guy," or are they savvy enough to follow the storyline that's in place and treat Sabu as the fan favorite? We shall see....

The OOutlOOk
Big Show wins: 7 votes --|-- Sabu wins: 0 votes

Erin Anderson Says... Big Show wins.
I think I'm the only person around here who doesn't have any real memories of ECW. What I've seen of Sabu on the ECW pay-per-views and a little bit in TNA hasn't been that impressive.

This is definitely one of the easier picks on the card, even for me. Under "ECW Rules," Heyman can do whatever he wants to make sure Sabu doesn't win. I think that Big Show should stay the ECW Champion until ECW gets its own pay-per-view. Sabu or RVD finally slaying the giant in the main event of an ECW PPV and in front of an ECW audience would mean a lot more than taking him out on the mid-card of a typical WWE pay-per-view.

The Cubs Fan Says... Big Show wins.
I think Sabu is here to be a more credible Spike Dudley; have shots to win, bring wacky spots to the match (which may or may not work), but serve more as a dummy to get destroyed as they continue to build up Big Show as an indestructible champion. Kurt Angle cameos in the match to get a PPV check and set up the title match they're building to next. RVD does not.

Matt Hocking Says... Big Show wins.
With Kurt Angle on the brink of asploding at any time, WWE's got to stop hoping he'll come back and pull the trigger on making another ECW "star." And all paths would seemingly converge on making Sabu that guy, considering that Vince likes him, the fans like him, and he's "ECW" enough to hold the ECW banner in their angle against Heyman's WWE guys. But that angle isn't really even off the ground yet, and now without the ratings popping RAW/Smackdown crossovers to provide him a safety net, Show is seemingly finally starting to grow into his role as the ECW Champion.

Assuming this is an ECW rules match, they can work some fun spots with Sabu willing to do whatever stupid shit he can, and Show is a hell of a prop to work with in a match like this. I expect RVD to make an appearance in this match, maybe to offset some kind of Paul Heyman run-in, but Show will eventually overpower Sabu for the win.

Adam Gutschmidt Says... Big Show wins.
You have to usually a similar rationale here that you use with the Booker/Batista match. Whether you like Big Show as ECW champ or not, it's just too soon to have him lose the strap. Fans will be drawn to Sabu's desire to get the title, so they should keep going with that. Frankly, I'm disappointed they gave him the title shot here as I thought they could have really drawn it out. The wise move would be to make this an "Extreme Rules" match. But c'mon, when does the WWE ever do the wise move. I fully expect RVD and/or Angle to make appearances in this match and factor into the decision. I doubt that they would actively try to prevent Sabu from winning, but it's likely that their involvement will be costly to him. This then sets up a variety of matches that they can play out on TV over the next few weeks until they get another opportunity to be on PPV.

PyroFalkon Says... Big Show wins.
I really don't see why they'd pull the trigger on Sabu carrying the title so soon after his punishment for the drug possession. I mean, I wouldn't be against it or anything, it just seems like something WWE wouldn't do. Plus, with Heyman and his bodyguards running around, I don't think Sabu has a worked chance either. We'll see, though; either way, it's sure to be entertaining.

Jeff Snider Says... Big Show wins.
I expect Sabu to take the fight to Show, but I don't expect anyone to ever actually think Sabu is going to win. I also expect RVD to get involved, and I expect that involvement to, accidentally or otherwise, aid in Big Show's victory.

Rick Scaia Says... Big Show wins.
There's two ways to do this. The smart way, and the stupid way. The smart way is under ECW Rules. The dumb way is under standard rules. Either way ultimately leads to Big Show seeming to be the logical winner.

In a schmozzy Extreme Rules setting, Heyman can bring out Test, Knox, his SWAT Team (who need to unmask one of these weeks), and pretty much anybody else he likes. And that'll end up keeping him one step ahead of any "ECW Originals" who might come to aid Sabu. Although "ECW Rules" plays to the strengths of Sabu's moveset, the finish is unlikely to be in his favor.

Under standard rules, the match would suck, and Sabu would get DQ'ed the first time he tried to do anything cool. And still: Big Show retains.

I love that Sabu continues to be the one true Happy Story of the ECW Revival, but I just don't think this is the spot for him to win the gold. The title shot came a bit more rushed than I think it should have, and on a three-brand PPV, a title change would just be buried among all the other RAW/SD! stuff to come off as special. Big Show needs to hold on and continue being Heyman's Corporate Champ.

HULK HOGAN vs. RANDY ORTON

The drama surrounding Hulk Hogan's knee turned out to be more compelling than the drama surrounding the reasons for this match.

Then again: when the "drama" consisted of Randy Orton sleazily hitting on Hogan's daughter and then RKO'ing Hogan because he didn't get to score, I'm not entirely sure the competition is that stiff.

And that's basically all there is/was here: Hogan's a legend with a hot daughter. Orton's a legend killer with date rapist tendencies. It's like a match made in.... well, somewhere.

In the last 3 weeks, Hogan has supposedly torn his meniscus (membrane in the kneecap), and is nowhere near 100%. But he has decided to compete anyway. Just imagine how bad this match was already gonna be. Now imagine it happening with Hogan on one good leg. Yeah. And some people still think this'll go on as the main event? It had better not....

The OOutlOOk
Orton wins: 6 votes --|-- Hogan wins: 1 vote

Erin Anderson Says... Orton wins.
Let me get this straight. The 2-legged Reanimated Corpse of Hulk Hogan just barely has a good match against Shawn freaking Michaels last year at Summerslam, and this year, somebody thought that the 1-legged Reanimated Corpse of Hulk Hogan should get into the ring with Date Rapist Randy Orton. Just shoot me, now.

Oh, and of course Orton wins. Because WWE hates me.

The Cubs Fan Says... Orton wins.
This will quite suck, and I'm not talking about the finish. You could almost feel sorry for Randy Orton here, because he's really gotten in nothing since the RKO (and he got to beat Lawler, wooooo), and gotten run off by Hogan twice even before taking the loss. Even if Orton does win, he beats a cripple. They're asking an awful lot to expect Orton to
get the rub off Hogan at this point.

Matt Hocking Says... Orton wins.
We all know Hogan is incredibly unlikely to lay down for anybody, much less Randy Orton, especially when he's got his daughter's CD to promote. But with enough cash, and enough sweet nothings in his ear, I think Vince McMahon can convince Hulk that this one loss is going to help him
ultimately. Why? Because I'm not so sure Hogan is just going to go away this time.

Now certainly, he's going to need knee surgery or something of that nature in the next few weeks, but that just means more screen time for Brooke instead. And of course, there's always the impending debut of Harry Smith to keep Randy occupied. So Hogan takes time to get "rested up" and is back just in time for Hogan/Orton II, where he can go over strong? At Wrestlemania?

Man that sounds horrible. I'm really sorry. I hope I'm wrong.

Adam Gutschmidt Says... Orton wins.
Oy! I really don't feel like wasting my time talking about this match. It's ill-conceived and between two guys that I really don't want to see wrestle. The match will blow HARD! It'll be interesting to see if the Boston crowd is polite and sits through it nicely or if they'll just shit all over it. If there's a God this won't go on last and this won't go more than 10 minutes. They've put all the pieces in place to have Orton go over here and yet have the marks still believe their beloved Hogan is the greatest wrestler on the face of the planet today. Obviously, an Orton win means a rematch must occur at some point in time. Some people are foolishly saying that the rematch will take place at Wrestlemania, but I say why bother. Unforgiven is in Toronto, which is a Hogan friendly place. Have the rematch there so you have a crowd that will still eat up the Hogan schtick with a spoon.

PyroFalkon Says... Hogan wins.
Can there be any other outcome?

If this match exceeds one star on the KDSS (Keller Douchebaggy Star System), it will exceed expectations. I like Hogan, but he's really overstaying his welcome. Hogan needs to be more like Rock, and say that he'll only get involved when it makes sense. And is, you know, important.

Jeff Snider Says... Orton wins.
Orton kills legends. Hogan is a legend who (in my opinion) needs killing. On the bright side, the question of whether I would order this PPV was answered when they put this match on the card, because ever since my wife saw a tape of Hogan throwing the weakest chairshots in history on a WCW PPV from a decade or so ago, she has offically banned me from ever spending a penny on anything related to Hogan. I mean, honestly, when a sweet, innocent, petite gal like my wife watches your chairshots and yells at the TV, "Come on, you bald little girl, SWING THAT CHAIR!" you know you have problems. So anyway, I don't see any point in having Hogan win this match. (I don't see any point in HAVING this match, either, but that's neither here nor there. And I am afraid to use my mystical powers of injury-wishing after I knocked The "Great" Khali out of last month's PPV.)

Rick Scaia Says... Orton wins.
I literally have nothing nice to say about this match. So, as my momma taught me, I'll say as little about it as possible. Because I'm the kind of asshole who can't bring himself to say "nothing."

The match will suck. Orton will win. Harry Smith will get stuck debuting with the gimmick of "Brooke Hogan's boyfriend," and will be Hogan's surrogate until he feels like coming back and getting his win back from Orton. Wheee?

REY MYSTERIO vs. CHAVO GUERRERO

There's a lot of story here. Just none of it good. And some of it downright awful and uncomfortable.

I guess the way I'll try to explain it is this: about 4 months ago, Chavo "retired" after a mini-losing streak, which he thought was bringing disgrace to the Guerrero family name. Shortly after that, he showed up on SD!, and started helping out Rey Mysterio in his World Title defenses. As the story went, Chavo was helping Rey to keep the Guerrero name alive.

But over time, Chavo soured, and last month, he turned on Rey, and helped Booker T win the World Title from him. NOW the story is that Rey wasn't keeping Eddie's legacy alive for the family, he was stealing Eddie's legacy for himself. Or something.

Then Vickie Guerrero (Eddie's widow) showed up and started begging them to stop bickering, cuz that's not how Eddie would have wanted it. And in one of their tussles, Rey and Chavo managed to shove Vickie to the ground. Jerks!

I just do not get the appeal of this type of storyline. Not only would I (personally) have preferred to see The Ghost of Eddie Guerrero retired as a storyline prop back at WM22 when Rey won the title, but if you're gonna keep on using him, then there's just gotta be ways to do it that don't make me cringe and feel uncomfortable watching. Cuz that's what this current storyline is doing to me: especially since I can't see anything good coming out of Vickie's involvement.

I guess the hope for Sunday is just that the silliness is kept to a minimum, and Rey and Chavo can get together on the same page and have one hell of a match. They got it in them, and they don't need any more "Eddie" than a couple frog splashes and shimmy-shake boogies.

The OOutlOOk
Chavo wins: 4 votes --|-- Rey wins: 3 votes

Erin Anderson Says... Chavo wins.
Again, I'm getting all my Smackdown information second hand at this point, but this sounds really fucking awful. What I'd root for would be an awesome 20-minute wrestling match, which Rey wins, so that we may never speak of this again.

Which means that, instead, Vickie will help Chavo win, and I'll bang my head up against a wall.

The Cubs Fan Says... Chavo wins.
Vickie turns on Rey, Chavo wins, I refuse to care.

Matt Hocking Says... Rey wins.
As vanilla as things started out in this feud (Oh, yes, I'll help
you...Until I turn on you! haha!), things have only gotten worse as the Vicki Guerrero charity drive has seized Smackdown. Ultimately, I think this one falls to Rey, firstly because there needs to be one "feel good" face win
on this card, and secondly because Rey needs to maintain some semblance of stature if they have any intention of running a Batista/Rey feud before Wrestlemania.

And honestly? I'm not really looking forward to the match either. Chavo and Rey haven't meshed well in years, and with how disjointed this feud has been, there will be a lot of pressure on these two to drum up a good match to fill out this card. Not saying I don't think they could deliver, but at
the same time...I don't particularily think they will.

Adam Gutschmidt Says... Rey wins.
This one could go either way, and neither option looks all that great. Yes, Chavo should win because that would extend feud which is probably the best bet right now. However, a Chavo win would probably come as a result of some eyeball-rolling finish, like Vicki Guerrero "turning heel". I mean, if we tried to look at this from a logical standpoint...Chavo Guerrero hasn't officially wrestled in months and Rey is a recent former World Champion. It would seem unlikely that Rey could lose here. I'm going to try and use positive reinforcement by believeing Rey will win here to get revenge on Chavo. If I don't think they'll have a crappy finish, then maybe they actually won't.

PyroFalkon Says... Chavo wins.
You know, maybe I just don't pay attention, but I'm still not sure what the point of this match is. (Actually, as I write this, I'm looking forward to reading Rick's storyline recap, because it might shed some light onto what the hell's going on.) I mean, I get that Chavo is pissed off about dealing with Eddie's legacy, but is that really a reason to have a match? Well, I suppose all wrestling storylines involve a match no matter how convoluted the reasons, but that's beside the point.

I don't know. I pick Chavo just because if Rey wins, I think that pretty much stops the story.

I wish they'd just move onto something else… I don't think I'm uncomfortable with this story, but it's just not entertaining. Bah, maybe I'm bitter.

Jeff Snider Says... Rey wins.
I have no idea who will win this. This storyline makes me a little happy that my UPN affiliate doesn't show Smackdown anymore. I love Rey, so I am picking him. I don't care.

Rick Scaia Says... Chavo wins.
I honestly have no idea. Part of me would like to be confident that WWE wouldn't actually turn Vickie "heel" and have her side with Chavo against Rey. But another part of me has seen how uncomfortable and silly they've gotten already with this story, so....

Look: I'll refrain from talking about the nightmare scenarios for HOW it'll happen, but I'm pretty sure the WHAT that'll happen here has to be Chavo winning. He's been retired, and they didn't build that up for 4-5 months just to have the guy lose the first time he decides to step back into the ring. Now, granted: he SHOULD (because then his shame spiral would result in him re-retiring and us never speaking of this story again), but it ain't gonna happen.

More likely: everybody says Rey badly needs time off to get his knee cleaned out. Perhaps Chavo will be the man who gives Rey the storyline excuse he needs to disappear for a few months?

EXTRAS/CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

Seven announced matches MIGHT be the entirety of this PPV. But as recently as 2 weeks ago, they were still planning on having an eighth (Taker/Khali) before that one got bumped to SD!... so there might be some bonuses in store. Here's some thoughts along those lines:

The OOutlOOk

Erin Anderson Says... I do not give a shit.
Sorry, Rick: I know there's lots of room for a women's title match, or a US Title match, or all that other stuff you mentioned in the e-mail. But frankly, my dear, I don't give a shit.

I probably have to work on Sunday, and even if I don't, I'm not skipping Deadwood for Summerslam. I loves me some Al Swearengen. I don't care that Deadwood wasn't eligible for the Emmys this year, they should still have to give Sir Ian McShane some kind of award every year for the rest of eternity for Excellence In The Field Of Being All Around Fucking Awesome.

The Cubs Fan Says... There's no room at the inn.
No extra matches. There's not really room for one here, with a lot of matches that deserve a lot of time. I'm not enthusiastic for the show, they've build decently to a lot of stuff here, and they've got enough left over that they should be able to have good shows on Monday and Friday.

Matt Hocking Says... Just Following Order, Sir!
I really don't know what else to say, quite frankly. Rick said to make the "extra" predicitions section bigger than normal, but I really don't think I have anything more to say than normal. Any other matches that WWE might add are better served on the back burner until their brands ensuing PPVs, and any extra appearances, with the exception of Carlito and Trish, would just be showing up for showing up's sake.

So I guess I'll just do 10 extra wholly innacurate predictions instead of 5, just to appease Rick. Otherwise, I think Summerslam will be delivered pretty much exactly as you see it.

1. Johnny Nitro will beat Kane, which is probably your Heat Match.

2. The seeds will be sown for the Lita/Edge vs. Trish/Carlito farewell tour.

3. There will be some kind of Diva bikini contest or something. Better yet? Diva. Dodgeball.

4. The Undertaker will eat a big ol' ham sandwich.

5. The Spirit Squad and London and Spanky will get together for a good cry.

6. If they add another another match, Bobby Lashley will beat Fit Finlay for the WWE U.S. Title.

7. Or Knox/Test v. Dreamer/Sandman in an Extreme Rules match.

8. Shannon Moore will be backstage staring listlessly at a half eaten ham sandwich.

9. Insanely excited at his brother's WWE return, Matt Hardy will jump off the top rope for his legdrop, which will confuse everyone because he's not booked.

10. Shane Helms will successfully defend his cruiserweight title in the parking lot before the show against the Leprachaun.

All right, I'm out.

Adam Gutschmidt Says... How to get Taker a PPV paycheck in 10 simple minutes...
So obviously this card needs some filling out. It would be a shame for Smackdown to only have two lousy matches on this card. Given the way things played out they could plausibly add in a Finlay/Lashley/Regal three-way for the U.S. title and/or a London/Kendrick vs. Stevens/James (boy do those guys need a team name) tag title match. Angle's health seems to make it unlikely that he'll have an official match and that's the only person I could see them pitting against RVD. So, I guess those two will have to be subjected to just doing run-ins on the ECW title match.

Then there's the issue of the Undertaker...how can he not be on the show? The problem is, there's not a lot he can do. He finally put away Khali for good (oops, did I give it away) on Smackdown and with No Mercy being two months away, there's no sense in trying to have him start a new feud now. The only thing I could see is that Davari comes out claiming he's tired of Taker running through all of his men. Then Taker comes out and destroys Davari to pop the crowd and allow him to collect a paycheck.

Finally, we have the backstage stuff. I'm pretty sure we'll see at least one Vince segment involving Umaga and any other his "unlimited resources". We'll probably get some vomit-inducing segment with the "Deever" winner, Layla. And last and probably also least, they'll probably throw in a "comedy" segment involving the Highlanders, Duggan and Eugene.

Sadly, this means that Trish, Carlitio, Nitro, Kane, the Spirit Squad and Shelton all get left off the show. That's a real shame. But since RAW has Unforgiven in a few weeks, they should hopefully get their chance to shine then.

PyroFalkon Says... Melina's Crotch~!
With Kane being the IC #1 Contender, and a distinct lack of females on the show list so far, I think they should do the IC title match here. Let Shelton play around, and let's see some Melina crotch! Woo hoo!

We'll have some Diva Search shit to look forward to and Not Recap. Whoopdie do.

Trish and Carlito will probably be in the house. What are the chances they won't do something that makes Rick wish for a 'fro and some apples? None, I tells ya! And if Trish doesn't have a match? Wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. I still don't like her.

Lita's the women's champ, Mickie is psycho, and Edge is on the card. There's going to be at least one angle that takes advantage of this.

Also, this being a "supershow," look for some cross-brand shenanigans. Eugene + Little Bastard = Many Smiles. Not to mention that Ashley might have some bitchy things to say to Mickie, since that whole thing was never really resolved.

As far as I go, this will be yet another PPV I'm not ordering. It may not be finals week anymore, but it sure feels like it, with a large-scale assignment due this Sunday. Thank god I read the syllabus a week in advance. Even beyond the school work, it would take a guaranteed appearance by the Rock before I add into the buyrate. I just dropped over $300 on vet bills for my cat, which is a far better investment than SummerSlam.

Surly? Me? NAWWWWW…!

Jeff Snider Says... Just to be on the safe side, under no circumstances should you be in Reno at the same time as Jeff J. Snider.
In no particular order:

--Lashley will beat Finlay to take the US Title back.

--One of Vince McMahon's "resources" will be Jeff Hardy, and he will come out and give HHH tips on grooming his beard, and he will give Shawn tips on wearing women's clothing, and then out of the blue he will hit a swanton bomb, except he'll accidentally hit it on a fan in the third row, and it will be the best unlimited resource ever!

--Ever~!

--The Undertaker will show up and thank me for injuring Khali last month, and then he will call out Shannon Moore, and Shannon Moore will become the new Paul Bearer. Then Taker will give him the urn to hold, and Shannon will have it melted down into a spike he can use to pierce his entire torso.

--Lita and Trish will clash some more, leading up to an eventual final title run for Trish.

--I will kill a man just to watch him die. Possibly by burying him in cement, but not necessarily.

Rick Scaia Says... This show really could use a few extras...
There are just WAY too many PPV-ready talents on the sidelines for this PPV for me to think we've got just these 7 matches to look forward to.

The balance is way off, too (RAW has 4 matches, SD! 2, and ECW 1). Guys like Carlito, Shelton, Finlay, Lashley, RVD, CM Punk, Trish/Lita/Mickie.... I mean, depending on the need to keep the brands balanced, there are matches from ALL brands you could do that would easily fit in on this PPV.

I guess if I had to pick, I'd say a US Title match with Finlay and Lashley would be the best thing to plug in as a bonus, just because it gives SD! another match, and rewards Finlay for being one of 2006's feel-good stories. Unless, of course, you do the match and ask him to job the title back to Lashley, in which case, he's not feeling so good any more, is he? Ah well.... London/Spanky vs. James/Stevens is another that would make sense, but which doesn't strike me as being quite so "PPV ready."

The women's match can probably wait till next month (which will then be Trish's farewell to WWE), and RVD can make his cameo as part of the Show/Sabu match I guess. The IC Title match between Nitro and Kane is something that you can also get away with just doing for free on RAW. Or, at least: I know it's not anything *I* would pay for of my own accord.

With only Edge/Cena and (hopefully) Flair/Foley standing out as bankable matches (and Show/Sabu and DX/McMahons having potential in a fun/schmozzy way), this is far from the strongest SummerSlam card ever... one or two add-ins might not be a bad idea at all. We'll just have to see if WWE sees it the same way, or if they'll just cram all the extra time with pointless video packages and guest appearance by whichever bimbo won the Diva Search.

Come on back to OO on Sunday night, as we'll have immediate post-show results. And then Monday afternoon, I'll have additional thoughts and fall-out as well. See you then...

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises

RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It

PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!

RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot

RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning

RAW RECAP: Say My Name

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again

RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?

PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!

RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes

RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over

RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening

RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000

PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown

RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch

SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day

RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits

RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB

SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo

RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012

RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts

SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome

RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?

RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power

RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge

PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella

RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto

RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?

RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve

PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs

RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted

RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!

RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang

RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.