OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

ONLINE ONSLAUGHT
Backlash, Back at OnlineOnslaught, and Other Weekend Newsbites
April 24, 2009

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OOWrestling.com

Right off the top, I'd like to thank long-time OO Reader Etan Weintraub. As some of you may be aware, there was a snafu (one part legitimately my fault, but also one part Network Solutions being unreasonable, bureaucratically-obsessed twits with zero comprehension of Customer Service) last year that caused me to lose my original domain. We relocated to OOWrestling.com, however, and all was (pretty) well.

Well, fast-forward to the present day, and type good ol' www.OnlineOnslaught.com into your web browser, folks: that's right, it's back in friendly hands, and maybe that means some of you old orphaned readers will slowly return and realize The Rick never actually went away. And it's all thanks to Etan.

When I noticed somebody had out-bid last year's domain-thief, I was curious for about a week as to whether or not we'd get to enjoy another Spectacle Of Dumb like last year when some dipshit who clearly learned English as a second language ACTUALLY TRIED TO PRETEND TO BE ME all summer. I mean, if there's one thing you need if you're going to impersonate The Rick, it's somebody who writes above the 2nd Grade level; preferably at the 27th Grade level, actually, and yet: there was poor, mentally enfeebled Babuta stealing my logos and sincerely trying to pass himself off as me. Oh, the good times we had.

My curiosity was short-lived, however, and the truth about onlineonslaught's new owner were just recently revealed on the Forums: an extremely vigilant and generous member of OO Nation has won the onlineonslaught.com bidding and returned it to its not-quite-rightful webmaster. We'll miss the wacky impersonating hijinx, but I'm extremely grateful to him for looking out for me without me even asking him to.

If you're interested, Etan does a lot of different back-end web development work, and given his recent work on my behalf, I'll certainly vouch for him as a damned fine "Personal Interweb Concierge" (if only such a thing existed). He did a great job of taking care of me and my interests, at least. Good deal. If you're interested in having Etan doing YOUR dirty work, too (his current area of concentration is developing custom Facebook apps), I suggest you drop him a line at [email protected].

While I'm plugging: I can't say enough good about my web hosts at Liquid Web, who've been great getting the domain stuff taken care of fast and without me having to do hardly jack-shit. After my past experiences with old web hosts and last year with Network Solutions, it's been great dealing with them lately. I almost can't believe they really exist: a tech company that supplies you with an actual quality product at a fair price and if something should go wonky or I require assistance, they've literally been on the case for me in under 30 minutes every time. If you need any web hosting done (or are dissatisfied with your current provider), I can't endorse Liquid Web enough.

And now, whether you've been here all along since we changed over to OOWrestling or whether you're just restumbling upon us now that were back on the OnlineOnslaught, you've been subjected to enough of my PreRambling. Let's quickly throw out the News of the Day (mostly some Backlash PPV talk) for your enjoyment and edification:

This weekend just may mark the REAL climax of WWE's "booking year." While the entirely-more-satisfying way to do things would have been to present a WrestleMania PPV that came off as climactic and enjoyable (rather than as an otherwise-empty vessel used to contain the incredibly awesome Undertaker/HBK match), it seems WWE has decided to wait and -- HOPEFULLY -- pay things off at Sunday's Backlash PPV.

Not only does the show feature a ton of WM "Do-Overs" (almost all with extra stipulations or bells-and-whistles that seem like they ought to result in a far stronger and more entertaining card than the one we got 3 weeks ago), but with WWE dragging its feet on implementing the Draft Results (it's now been two weeks), it's almost as if we have to get through Backlash before everybody moves to their new homes and then starts their new story arcs. And thus, the new "booking year" may kick off.

And something fresh is pretty much what the doctor ordered. In my column last week about the Draft and the State of WWE, I outlined my reasons why Change Would Be Good. Nothing has happened just yet to alter this opinion of mine. I mean: just looking at the ratings, the 3.9 WWE scored for the RAW after WM has dipped back down to a 3.7 the past two weeks, which is right about at their (underwhelming) year-to-date average.

RAW clearly got stronger from a sizzle/star-power perspective thanks to the Draft, but it's still going to come down to HOW YOU USE THOSE STARS if you want to see RAW get (a) more entertaining and (b) non-crappy ratings. If I may suggest: I still would massively prefer seeing a Batista heel turn, and pronto (he has history with HHH, and the potential for "new history" with Cena given their first-ever/one-time SummerSlam match last year and how Batista was credited with "breaking Cena's neck" in storylines). Plus, Batista is bland and treading water as a babyface, but could find some new zazz if he could start dicking it up as a top heel. Anything to keep Randy Orton out of the main event spotlight and stashed somewhere on the show where he won't be the clear-cut cause of Ratings Death.

[Honestly, it's not just me who finds Orton so utterly boring and ignore-able: EVERY TIME WWE has pushed him into top spots on any show, that show has seen an immediate ratings decline... it happened during his first babyface push in 2004; it happened when he got shunted over to SmackDown and shoehorned into the Rey/Angle storyline; it happened again on RAW in late '07 when he got the title again; and it's happened again since February when Randall re-ascended to the spot of being HHH's main foil. How can I be the only one who can look at these numbers and know which ones are bigger than the other ones and correlate them one man's presence and spot on the card?]

But: we may not be so lucky. Because just 3 weeks after stinking it up in a 1-on-1 match that headlined WrestleMania, Triple H and Orton are once again in the main event this weekend. But in keeping with our theme: this time, they have lots of other bells and whistles that SHOULD make for a thoroughly more fun "Sports Entertainment Segment" than the unfathomably boring affair from WM25. Sadly: those bells and whistles seem aligned in a way that favors Orton, which could mean...

Well, I don't even want to think about it. But I have to. It's my job. So here's a quick paragraph or so about each scheduled Backlash match (even the potentially soul-crushing main event):

Triple H/Batista/Shane McMahon vs. Randy Orton/Ted DiBiase Jr./Cody Rhodes. Although it's a six man tag, if the heel team wins, Randy Orton becomes WWE Champion (likewise, if anybody on the babyface team wins, Triple H retains his title). HHH and the McMahons have had their hands full with Legacy since February, and I had kind of thought that (as crappy as the storytelling was heading into Mania) the WM25 match between HHH and Orton would make use of all those extra factors to supply us with a surprisingly fun match. No dice: instead, WWE held off on anything "fun" at WM, and saved up the McMahon wackiness and Legacy's involvement until now. So just a few week too late, NOW we can ponder swerves, high spots, and turns as we get all these extra players (sure to also include Vince and Stephanie at ringside) out on the stage.

What I fear is that WWE will use a heel turn (Stephanie or Vince; though Steph would have worked better as a "reveal" much earlier in the storyline and may now be past the point of logically fitting into a heel role; Vince, however, can always just be batshit crazy and go heel for no reason; shane, as the only McMahon who got a "babyface gene" should be exempt from this discussion), and then have that be the driving force behind Orton winning HHH's title. Oh joy. What would The Rick do, instead? Tease and hint at whatever you want, McMahon-wise, and use them as props for some high-drama spots... but ultimately they don't turn and kind of fade back into the background as summer progresses. And then, for the finish of the match, you get it back down to the six men in the ring, and you have BATISTA score the win for the babyfaces in a thrilling comeback rally, while HHH is debilitated (or, if you are JR: "deHAbilitated"). Then, in coming weeks, Batista (in his cool, calm, semi-sarcastic "Logical Monster" fashion) keeps reminding HHH: "Hey there, Champ, how you liking that title? You know: the one that you have only because I beat Orton when you couldn't?" As Batista lingers as a babyface, he could do an underneath feud with Orton to tie up that loose end, but ultimately, he clearly thinks he deserves a shot at HHH's belt, and will turn heel as part of that process. I'd tune in to see that.

Of course: that's why it can never happen, and we'd all better brace for Lilian choking on the words "And NEW WWE Champion, Randy Orton" come Sunday night.

John Cena vs. Edge. This is for Cena's World Title, and is a Last Man Standing Match. I mentioned this a few months ago: for all the pants-wetting that goes on for Ladder Matches and TLC and Hell in the Cell, I think Last Man Standing has cemented itself as WWE's one true "signature" stipulation match. It's not as much about the high spots as it is how it can be manipulated PERFECTLY for high-drama and intensity within the "WWE Main Event Style" of ringwork. On top of that, you have the simple fact that Cena and Edge mesh amazingly well together and have for almost 3 years worth of on-and-off feuding (including 2006's Match of the Year, their Unforgiven Ladder Match). So mark it down: ANOTHER "do-over-with-an-upgrade" over WrestleMania, as these two are almost sure to top their efforts in the WM three-way title match (which also included Big Show).

The important subtext to this match is that not only are Cena and Edge (especially Cena) selling this EXTRA HARD as their "Last Showdown" after years of rivalry, but also that if Cena wins, then RAW still has both of the World Titles. The "word on the street" is that Edge needs yet more time off to deal with nagging injuries (this after taking 4 months off last summer and fall when originally he was only slated to miss about 6 weeks), though WWE's new "feed the smarks disinformation" policy could be behind some of that. Because there are some booking sheets making the rounds for house shows coming up that feature Edge vs. Jeff Hardy World Title Matches... obviously, SD needs one of the titles, and my manlove for Edge is a matter of record, so I'd be happy to see him get the win (though that seems unlikely, given that it'd mean Superman Cena ACTUALLY LOSES in the blowoff match to a feud). The alternative -- the ONLY alternative, really -- will be for CM Punk to cash in his Money In the Bank title shot sooner rather than later, and bring the World Title to SD.

Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy. Yep: another WM do-over, this time with an "I Quit" stipulation added in. At Mania, the Curse of the Hardys seemed to continue (going back to their first attempted feud, which included Lita as a guest referee, the two have had trouble meshing as opponents) when the match ended abruptly and out-of-the-blue just as it was FINALLY starting to get good after a slow start. But then: Matt and Jeff had a Stretcher Match on SD, and it turned out nicely (a lot of fun and some solid creativity that was lacking in the surprisingly vanilla WM match). So maybe with the "I Quit" stip, they'll once and for all break that Curse. If they again bring the creativity and high-spottery (and get more than the 10 minutes they got at WM), I like their chances. Normally, I'd say look for Jeff to finally win a match (he's 0-for-2 in the two matches I mentioned), except that (a) Matt's the one who got drafted to RAW and who may be booked strong as a result and (b) Jeff's contract is up later this summer and so far he's been unreceptive to WWE's initial extension offers. The Rick's suggested "out": let Jeff win the match to get the feel-good ending, but have it come cheap and in a way that re-inforces Matt's dickishness.... like have Jeff hit a big blow up near the stage or other prop-ish area, and then climb up onto something REALLY high, like 30-feet high. Then, at the last second, have Matt "realize what's happening" and scream to the ref that he quits. Did he just quit to save his brother from killing himself unnecessarily? Of course not! After Jeff climbs down and they tease a make-up, Matt destroys Jeff and reveals he "quit" so as to deprive the fans of a big high spot and to deprive Jeff of the chance to once again steal the spotlight from Big Brother. What a jerk.

Chris Jericho vs. Ricky "the Dragon" Steamboat. Steamboat was so good at WrestleMania that WWE called him into duty the next night on RAW (the Dragon actually replaced Kofi Kingston, who'd originally been booked in that "All-Stars" match). He was even better on RAW. So now: with WWE failing miserably at scouting and developing new stars, why not turn to the 50-something-year-old guy to save their hide and steal the PPV? Hey, after WWE needed two 40-plus-year-old guys to bail them out at WM25, it's the next logical step, right?

I've made no bones about it: Ricky Steamboat was my first favorite wrestler ever when I was finally allowed to start watching wrestling openly (and not just hearing about it at school or sneaking peaks when at friends' houses; my parents finally gave up on forbidding wrestling once I was 10 or so). After my first traumatic memory was "the Dragon" being DDT'd on cement by Jake the Snake, I was fully ensconced and watching hours of the WWF per week when Randy Savage "crushed his larynx" with the ring bell to set up their feud. Even as I was (at an early age) realizing it'd be OK to cheer for bad-guy Roddy Piper and maybe good-guy Hulk Hogan wasn't all he was cut out to be, I never once failed to sympathize with Ricky Steamboat, who could make a case for being pro wrestling's best pure babyface ever. He's still making it work to this day; heading into WM, he actually cut the best promo of his life (Steamboat was always verbally challenged during his prime, and I say that as his biggest fan), and 3 weeks ago in that pair of matches, he showed he's still a plausible in-ring performer. The moveset that was downright innovative and original 15 years ago still holds up against the new breed of cookie-cutter WWE developed stars; and the speed and technique are still satisfactory, and augmented by the fact that whatever Steamboat's lost, physically, he's still light years ahead of most of today's stars in terms of the mental aspect of the game. I'm serious: watch those two matches from WM weekend, and even if he's a step slower or whatever, his positioning and transitions between moves are so silky smooth and effortless that it more than makes up for it. Wrestling ain't a choreographed dance step that needs to be memorized for "the Dragon." It's 100% ingrained and comes naturally.

That's not common these days, which only makes it more fun to watch. Doubly so since if Steamboat was my first favorite wrestler, it makes it even more of a joy to see him paired off against perhaps my current favorite wrestler (or at least, one of my top 3). Of the "WM Do-Overs with Extra Sizzle" on the Backlash card, this one may improve the least over the effort from 3 weeks ago, but it's still right up there as my primary source of excitement when it comes to Sunday's line-up. Jericho's gotta win, right? Probably... too bad, since Steamboat absolutely "went out on top" (his last match ever had been a WCW US Title match against Steve Austin on PPV) and managed to stay retired with that high spot as his final memory. A shorter "exhibition" as an over-the-hill legend doesn't have quite the same cache... but hell: a solid 10-12 minute match (easily within reason), and Steamboat can be proud of his effort versus Jericho. It'll be better than re-retiring after a WM match that was shorter, still a loss, and ended with Ric Flair and Mickey Rourke scooping the heat that maybe belonged to "the Dragon." Should definitely be a more proper send-off this way.

Jack Swagger vs. Christian (ECW Title). That thing I said about WWE's abysmal failures at identifying and developing new talent? Does NOT apply to Swagger. He's one of the few who seems like he could fit into PPV main events inside of a few years and who won't make me vomit in horror if he does; you know, kinda the opposite of how I feel about Cody Rhodes at this point. And then Christian: you know his story. He re-signed with WWE late last year, languished because Vince shot down any proposed storyline for a big return to either RAW or SD (such as being involved in the Hardy feud), and the writers -- desperate to get the guy on TV before he was completely forgotten -- just put him on ECW without fanfare. It's bad because Christian is capable of so much more; but it's good because ECW's watchability quotient is as high as it's ever been (Swagger's solid, Bourne's amazing, Tyson Kidd is promising and now that DH Smith is drafted to ECW could be prepared to launch the long-rumoed Hart Foundation Next Gen stable along with Nattie Niedhart) and Vince doesn't pay attention to ECW so Christian can flourish without restraints.

On a show laden with so many "special attractions" and stip matches, this one is sure to seem limited; but as long as they get a 10-minute slot and a chance to do a match about as good as what both have been doing on ECW TV as of late, it'll be solid. I figure Swagger's got to go over, both as part of his maturation and as part of the fool-proof plan to get him feuding with Bourne before too long. Plus: if they're planning on taking the "Tommy Dreamer Retirement" angle seriously, you kinda need a heel as champ for it to work best. [Unless Christian -- or another babyface -- took the belt and blatantly "laid down" for Dreamer as a show of respect to let Tommy retire as the ECW Champ. That'd be cool, and it'd also be a pretty neat Heyman-esque sort of move to once-and-for-all close the book on ECW and let WWE move forward with their pathetically "re-imagined" brand of the same name. In retro-history, that'd make Dreamer the last "real" ECW Champ, although in a lot of ways, Rhino is the REAL last "real" ECW Champ, I guess.]

CM Punk vs. Kane. Uhhhh, yeah, so this match is happening, too. Who cares? I mean, the two sort of crossed paths on both RAW and SuperStars this week, but absolutely zero people were clammoring for a PPV showdown. I'm looking at this as a "TV Special" inserted for no other reason than to provide some downtime and a palate cleansing piss-break for fans. Also: if we're counting on CM Punk to use MitB to bring the World Title over to SD, I guess it can't hurt to get him a cheap, pointless PPV win over WWE's Jobbing Giant.

Other Stuff: they're hyping that Sunday is when The [redacted] Khali will finally get to kiss Santina Marella. Why? Because Vince McMahon has a shitty sense of humor. And with only six matches, there might be room to squeeze a little something extra onto the show... something with the reshuffled women (they switched the two titles onto different brands, and as a bonus, Gail Kim has looked awesome since returning; and I mean "looked awesome" in BOTH ways, pervs) would work. Alternatively: Big Show could be in line for some kind of quick showcase (either a promo or a squash), as he's newly drafted to RAW and will be making a rather huge impact tonight in his farewell to SD that WWE may want to follow up on as Show is re-invented for Mondays.

If WWE does pretty much the opposite of WM (bring the sizzle in almost every match, give us a ton of satisfying and climactic finishes, and only stink it up in one match -- I'd vote Punk/Kane makes for a good Bearded Spock Taker/Michaels match!) then I like Backlash's prospects. There's a lot that looks good on paper, here. Now, it's just up to WWE to turn that promise into 3-hours-worth of entertainment.

Come on back here to OO, as I'll have a write up with all the details and analysis you require on late Sunday night or early Monday.
Some other VERY quick current events tidbits...

Starting with Ric Flair's whereabouts.

As hinted at in the teaser of OO's new Ring of Honor Recap (as done by one of OO's OOldest OOnline Allies, Christopher Robin "CRZ" Zimmerman), Flair took his WrestleMania moment and standing-ovation-from-70,000 and walked right into a high school gym for an ROH TV taping three days later. Wow, Chris Jericho must be ever so proud of him.

Anyway, the shows featuring Flair in his new authority figure role begin airing in 2-3 weeks, I believe, in time for Sweeps Month. If you get HDNet (I, myself, don't), you can look for ROH on Saturday nights... otherwise, you can stay tuned to OO for CRZ's recaps. Provided he decides to keep doing them. So you might also want to pester him about that!
While ROH is scoring Ric Flair, TNA has done the same thing with a slightly-lower-profile former WWE star.

Bobby Lashley showed up at last weekend's LockDown PPV, and also at this week's TV tapings. Like Flair, he has no deal in place yet to appear again, but the company is kind of hoping that he will (in Flair's case, ROH is waiting to see what kind of success they have with his appearances and if he's worth the $15,000 they paid for him to do one round of TV tapings before they commit; either that, or they hope Flair's per appearance fee will drop if they offer him a contract for 6-8 shows starting with their next TV tapings in late May; in Lashley's case, he'es tight with both Booker T and Kurt Angle who are campaigning for him to stick around). For now, though, it's being thought that Lashley agreed to the one-week shot mostly to get his name back out there among people who'll recognize it since he's got his third MMA fight coming up in May (on, you guessed it, HDNet!), and he's trying to create some buzz on himself.

If Lashley can combine another MMA win with a little bit of extra box office drawing power thanks to wrestling fans, then you know what he'll be looking for eventually: a UFC contract and a match against Brock Lesnar. Unfortunately, the gambit with TNA may backfire, as the new slew of MMA Wankers out there are even worse than the worst of the Workrate Wankers... they're giving Lashley all kinds of holy hell for tarnishing MMA's precious image by showing up on a fake wrestling show.

Oh well...
Ratings aren't much fun to talk about anymore since, other than RAW, no shows are varying much more than 0.1 or 0.2 points every week. Not even worth mentioning as those variations fall outside of Nielsen's own mathematical margin of error, for the most part. [Oh, how I laugh when I see other websites done by "wrestling journalists" who list the Nielsen data out to the second spot after the decimal point when not even the first can necessarily be counted on!]

Both ECW and TNA are flopping between 1.2 and 1.3. SD is solidly between 1.9 and 2.1.

But ratings still get a bullet point of their own here, since there IS a new weekly show out there. The debut of WWE SuperStars on WGN did a 0.7 rating for the initial prime time broadcast and a 0.3 for the late night replay. Since WGN doesn't have a west coast feed, it is appropriate to sum those numbers to arrive at a "national" rating of 1.0.

That ain't setting the world on fire by any means, but what do you expect? WGN is only in about 70% as many homes as your major cable networks like USA, Spike and Sci-Fi (ooops, sorry: "Sy-Fy," because -- and this is for real -- the network executives were worried that they were getting pigeon-holed as a network for Science Fiction fans; really? with a name like "Sci-Fi" and eleventeen different "Stargate" TV shows? where'd you get an idea like that? or better yet: just quit being tards and be true to yourself and your fan base and quit pretending to be a "general interest" network).

I guess one could do a quick bit of calculus and decide that if WGN were available in as many homes as those other networks, SuperStars would have scored about a 1.4 rating. Which is about right, given the lack of "must-see-ness" it had... TNA and ECW's ratings pretty much tell us that the super-loyal hardcore audience for wrestling is probably right around a 1.2 or 1.3 (the type of fan who'll watch almost anything, I mean), so SuperStars being in the 1.4 or 1.5 range would make sense: no "must-see-ness," but they do seem to be busting out slightly higher-profile stars doing the non-must-see things on Thursdays.
As a tangent to my Sci-Fi/Sy-Fy rant... as they prep for the retarded re-branding to a "general interest"/non-sci-fi network, they're pushing ECW back to its old 10pm slot on Tuesdays. This happens in June. Be prepared.

Oh, and that "Sy-Fy" make-over? I know exactly how much NBC/Universal paid a slew of fuckwits to come up with that new name for them. If you look closely at the credits to an upcoming new "Sy-Fy Original Series," you'll know why. Unbelievably, they paid mid-seven-figures for an something that a third grader could have misspelled for them.

And the third grader probably only would have charged in the low-six-figures. I mean, the third grader has no expenses, but he or she would know full well that "third grade" is the fat part of the bell curve when it comes to the mentality of pop culture these days, so you still gots to pay for genius ideas like "Sy-Fy," baby.
TNA actually teased TWO "former ECW Champions" for their Lockdown PPV last weekend in Philly... or they said there were two coming in but only one would be at the PPV, or something like that...

Lashley was obviously one, and a far better surprise than Justin Credible or Steve Corino (who a lot of us cynical fans were half-expecting).

But the talk now is that the other star TNA expects to come in is on his way soon, and that it's Taz (now back to one "Z"). Further, they want to intro him as a mentor/manager to Samoa Joe. Bleh: that was a job better suited to Foley, if you ask me, and Joe's stock has dropped the last six months with his unflattering make-over and all. Why put it on Taz to come in and single-handedly rehab him?

Or maybe I'm just too big of a mark for the idea of Taz making his big TNA debut, walking right over to the announce table, and just suplexing the ever-loving shit out of Don West (who will be presumed dead, never mourned, and never spoken of again on TNA TV) before taking over and giving TNA something its never had before: a color commentator who doesn't make me want to jam railroad spikes into my earholes.

That's what we need, dammit. It's 100% for sure that Taz is a no-go in terms of ever wrestling again (unlike your NEW TNA Champ Mick Foley), so if you're gonna sign the guy, at least let him do something you KNOW he can kick-ass at. Like commentary.
In four weeks, John Cena's "12 Rounds" hasn't even made 12 Million. After debuting at #7 (with $5.3m), it's now accumulated $11.4 million and is out of first-run movie theatres for the most part (and on its way to the dollar savers).

This is the weakest-performing WWE Films release to date (even worse than Kane's), and underscores the wisdom of their decision to focus more on direct-to-DVD movies. It also might disabuse those involved of any notion that Cena is a for-real cross-over star (he actually tried challenging The Rock to a WM26 match when both were at the Nick Kids' Choice Awards; nobody believes Cena's heart was really in it, as he was probably just the mouthpiece for Vince, who wanted to try the challenge as a way to test the waters, but wanted it to be Cena to be the one responsible if the challenge flopped and somebody had to take the heat for it; flop it did, and take the heat Cena has in both the Dwayne-loving gossip rags and the wanker "wrestling media").

The only remaining plan I know of for a theatrical WWE Films release is a comedy slated to star the Big Show, but even that is still in the early planning stages and could be aborted. Other than that: it is gonna be a move to straight-to-DVD releases, starting this fall with "The Marine 2" (starring Ted DiBiase Jr.). And yes: much to my chagrin, Ted DiBiase Sr. (at one of his speaking engagements) revealed that plans are already in place to explode Legacy pretty soon so Junior can be a babyface when the movie comes out. Oy.

So WWE unifies the tag titles and pillages what passed for their tag division all in the name of getting the belts onto Legacy... and now Legacy isn't even going to make it past July without breaking up? Oh, the stupidity of it all. NOW do you people see why my Draft column last week had a whole talking about about NOT pointlessly breaking up tag teams? At this point, I'd kill to have Jesse and Festus still together and on RAW. But no-oooo, now Festus is on his own, and Jesse is probably gonna get future endeavored on the grounds that he dares to be under-sized while actually being able to work AND talk better than 90% of the roster.

Spit-balling: Jesse is also second-generation (son of Terry Gordy). So if Legacy must break up in the name of Junior DiBiase selling DVDs, how about Jesse clean himself up, get a make-over, and be Cody Rhodes' new partner. They can even feud with Festus and some new partner of HIS choice over those ever-so-precious-and-important tag titles. Just an idea.
That's it for today, folks. Enjoy Backlash on Sunday, if that is your wont. And if the weather's like it is in my neck of the woods wherever YOUR neck of the woods is located, you ought to be enjoying that this weekend as well, no matter your standard wonts. The first real porch and/or patio weather of the year. And the Reds are 3 games over .500? Are you shitting me? I'm like a pig in slop, baby.

Oh and if actually wasting any more than 15 minutes on the NFL Draft this weekend is your wont, just go play in traffic and know we can never be friends. That "event" barely rates a bottom-of-the-screen crawler (it's something where you wait 15 minutes for 2 seconds of worthwhile TV; kinda like golf) and ESPN has turned it into a 16-hour wall-to-wall event. And that's without even mentioning how unwatchable the entire network has been the past 3 nights. So awful. I have a favorite football team, I know how to operate the intarweb, and I'll combine the two in order to spend mere minutes being JUST AS INFORMED as any pitiable losers who tune into ESPN for hours. It ain't that hard, dumdums. You're actually contributing to the network's decline into unwatchability, dammit!

The rest of you with normal and healthy wonts: See you Sunday night with the PPV recap, and at points beyond with other fall-out, news, and analysis. Later on, kids...

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RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012

RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts

SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome

RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?

RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power

RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge

PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella

RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto

RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?

RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve

PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs

RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted

RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!

RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang

RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
BROWSE THE OO ARCHIVES

Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.