Man alive, it's a PPV weekend AGAIN for WWE?
 
It's probably telling that my current little burst of motivation came starting around WrestleMania 25, at which point the E had gone seven (7) whole weeks without trying to sell me on the fifty-dollar-ness of their product. There's something to be said for being able to sit back and just sort of enjoy the ride. Beats the hell out of having my intelligence insulted by massive hype jobs and alleged "PPV worthy" line-ups.
 

• We've had a couple extra days to sort out the confounding Ken Kennedy situation, and so far, it's looking like the truth really is somewhere in the neighborhood of the Conspiracy Theory we espoused in last weekend's Newsflash.
   
  To wit: Randy Orton was displeased when Kennedy surprised him with that back-drop suplex (it's a bump Orton prefers not to take, and when he does, he wants it executed very carefully so he can protect his oft-injured shoulder), and told Kennedy about it in a backstage discussion right after RAW went off the air. There was nothing particularly dramatic or heated about this discussion, but Orton did -- point blank -- dress Kennedy down and Kennedy took it like a man.
   
  But this only makes Orton our Oswald in this particular Kennedy Conspiracy. Because just like Lee Harvey, Orton's kind of a dipshit who nobody believes could POSSIBLY have gotten this job done all by himself. So we need additional shooters up on the Grassy Knoll.
   
  And I guess we've got 'em. Kind of. Orton didn't make a big dramatic scene, supposedly, but did bring the issue of Kennedy's "sloppiness" out to the forefront on that Monday night, a night when Vince was already extra-crazy and vaginally-sandified because of the whole Kroeke thing (and the fact that his company lost a shitload of money by moving tapings to LA where an estimated "not very many" fans were willing to pay for tickets).
   
  It was at this point where OTHER people taking shots at Kennedy managed to turn into the Death Blow. Orton brought the issue to the forefront, Vince was ultra-sensitive and hyper-reactive, and all of a sudden, here was a chance to blame somebody for something that didn't actually happen (Orton was merely started by Kennedy suplex, not even remotely injured by it)! Vince sudden remembered: Shawn Michaels has also spoken ill of Kennedy's in-ring thoughtfulness! John Cena was out of action for four months following a botched move in a match against Kennedy! Kennedy says all kinds of moronic things about the Wellness Policy when talking to the media! Kennedy was the last man to wrestle Eddie Guerrero and obviously killed him! Kennedy MUST GO!!!!
   
  Or something like that. I'm not saying it makes a whole lot of sense, but the fact is that, yes, Kennedy has things on his track record that work against him (and individuals higher up the food chain who are also willing to work against him). On a night when -- for once -- Kennedy DIDN'T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING THAT DUMB (again, he startled Orton with an unexpected move, a move that was done safely and without injury to anyone), somehow his past record of dumbness came back to haunt him because Vince was in a contemplative mood. Orton lit the match by pulling his mid-match hissy fit and confronting Kennedy backstage, but Vince turned it into a bonfire when he decided to think more deeply on the matter of Kennedy and his past.
   
  And when Vince sort of threw the issue out there for others around him to discuss, nobody in the upper echelons of the WWE power structure went to bat for Kennedy. Maybe a few really do have issues with the guy (be they reasonable gripes, or just imagined problems likely stemming from WWE's Culture of Mediocrity), but more than anything, Kennedy placed himself in a situation where his past track record made him VERY tough for anyone to defend. Folks just clammed up, Vince took it as an indictment against the guy, and to abuse one of the newer obnoxious cliche's out there: Kennedy got thrown under the bus.
   
  It was very much a "heat of the moment" decision, with Vince collecting opinions (and getting no defenses of Kennedy) early in the week, and then rendering his decision almost immediately after the abysmal failures of the LA TV Tapings. This goes back to something I said in the NewsFlash about WWE sometimes "un-doing" its most petty of firings if you give them a few months to let things simmer down (this is pretty much exactly what happened to Cryme Tyme last year). For this to repeat, Kennedy will have to swallow SOME pride and say/do the right things (as Cryme Tyme did, by essentially relocating and PAYING to re-join the WWE developmental program as students) but in return, it at least becomes POSSIBLE for Vince and his cadre of ass-hatted yes-men to admit fault and reverse their decision.
   
  In his blogs about Kennedy during the past week, Jim Ross has mirrored a LOT of my own thoughts (and is clearly also of the belief that Kennedy has a tangible "it" factor that gives him a greater upside than most of his other WWE Developed peers), and that includes JR's thoughts on Kennedy's potential for a WWE comeback in the not-so-distant future. Reading between the lines, it seems JR sees Kennedy as somebody whose past mistakes had nothing to do with him getting politically railroaded at an inopportune time, but who is talented enough to rebound. I believe JR's thesis is that if everybody involved can act like mature adults, this can be a learning experience and Kennedy could be back within a year.
   
  Of course, that then gets back to Kennedy's track record... which may not be quite as douchetastic as the real life track records of guys like Randy Orton or Teddy Hart, but it's in that same kind of ballpark. If this is the job and the lifestyle he wants to pursue, he WILL have to reign that in and surprise everybody with his ability to act like a mature adult until such time as he can be brought back into the fold. I know I'll be cheering for the guy to pull it off.
   
  Oh, and for the record: there were two other types of "conspiracy theories" out there in the past week. One involved Kennedy (already with "2 strikes" against him on the WWE Wellness Policy) just failed another drug test, which is why he was fired. That's not the case, since the WWE Policy for over a year has been to announce all Wellness Violations/punishments as such in company press releases. Kennedy was not announced as a Wellness Violator, and thus, that wasn't the reason for his termination.
   
  The other theory was that Kennedy injured himself yet again in his comeback match (he was seen favoring his wrist after the match), and so WWE simply had no desire to keep paying the guy if he was going to be almost-injuring Orton AND actually-injuring himself. No dice on that one, either, as Kennedy posted a video to his MyFace or whatever clearly taunting all those who assumed him injured by performing an extensive series of wrist/hand related flailings with a giant shit-eating grin on his face. No words necessary on that one.
   
  We'll see how it all pans out, but for the short term, I'd guess a full slate of indie bookings and waiting to see if all this retardation blows over. Only if Kennedy winds up in TNA will we know for sure that all back-channel chatter and making-up has ceased.
   
  
• Ric Flair was in Philadelphia last weekend for Ring of Honor TV tapings, expecting to reprise his on-air role as "Ambassador" for the company, even as he was embarking on his WWE return.
   
  The afternoon before the show, WWE finally dropped the other shoe, informing Flair and ROH that they'd decided to request Flair be pulled from the TV tapings. It's been described to me two ways: (1) that WWE was legally able to do this per Flair's new WWE contract, and (2) that WWE's contract with Flair expressly PERMITS him to take outside bookings but that they stated a STRONG PREFERENCE that he not appear on TV for "the competition," so Flair caved and essentially pulled himself. The latter option actually begins to fit the facts better once you take a look at some of Flair's quotes discussing the move, and how he presents it as a dollars and cents situation and how his "loyalty" (his word) is to WWE, even as he sincerely wishes ROH all the success in the world.
   
  Flair also cut an off-air promo at the tapings explaining things to fans, and agreed to refund ROH his payment for that night's booking. He will (with WWE's blessing, it seems) make all other non-televised ROH bookings throughout the next month or two, as well. He just will not take part in any more TV tapings. [I believe there is just one more week of Flair-as-Ambassador in the can before ROH begins airing last weekend's Flair-free tapings.]
   
  In other Flair developments, he's clearly testing the waters to see how fans would react to his returning to the ring as part of a major overseas tour of Europe, Africa, and Asia. He's mentioned it in many interviews, and even Jim Ross is trying to condition fans to expect an announcement on that front (saying he's seen the proposal, and that the money figures simply make it impossible for Flair to say no). Fans here would hardly even register it as a "comeback" for Flair, as they'd know about the matches, intellectually, but would be exposed to zero of the hype or hoopla... so if the money's that good, who's to tell Flair not to take it?
   
  In the meantime, the dozen-or-so matches included in that agreement would only lightly impact his current WWE role. In fact, the overseas gigs could be concluded by mid-August, and if Flair wants to be a good soldier and over-sell Orton's craptastically dainty bootie kick from Monday, he could dedicate himself to that tour, and still be back on WWE TV in time for taking part in his "real" comeback match at SummerSlam. We'll see how it goes... but the vibe I get is taht with Flair and JR both talking it up as an inevitability, this Foreign Farewell Tour is probably gonna take shape sooner rather than later.
   
  
• Monday's RAW rating was a 3.4, which is up from the previous week's 3.2, but still scraping bottom. In fact, with that 3.4, RAW's worst 5 ratings of 2009 have all come in the past 6 weeks since Orton regained the title. The one week anomoly was a 3.6 rating that most attributed to the surprise return of Flair.
   
  The last time things were this bad, ratings-wise? October of 2007, during the first month-plus of (you guessed it!) Randy Orton's second title reign. And October 2007 was WWE's least-watched month of TV since December 1997, if you need to put this all in perspective. If you need assurances that this complete and utter ratings failure is NOT a new trait of Randall's you can check out this column containing the raw data from Orton's second reign, and this other feature putting Orton's first reign in context with all other champions since the brand split.
   
  If "three strikes and you're out" applied to opportunities to headline shows, then we could rest easy knowing that Randy Orton will never sniff the main event ever again. Sadly, I guess it doesn't work that way. Even though the numbers are indisputable. I mean: yes, I personally find Orton boring and unentertaining, and that's partially a matter of subjective taste. But objectively, the data shows this flamboyantly medicore weenis just isn't very good at his job.
   
  CM Punk was better at the job. Hell, "VACANT" was better at the job, which speaks volumes upon ironic volumes about Orton's value and indispensibility.
   
  But I digress.
   
  
• And just in case you're not feeling sad enough after being faced with Orton's on-going push in the face of ample evidence that it should have ended 2 years ago, brace yourself:
   
  There are indications that Chris F. Masters will be reporting to FCW in Florida to work out some kinks before reporting back to the RAW roster. Holy shit. So Orton goes and lights the match that ends with Kennedy getting fired, but then goes to bat for one of his bestest friends in the world to get CFM re-hired? RANDY NEEDY FRIENDY ON THE ROADY CUZ NOBODY LIKEY RANDY SO HIRE RANDY FRIENDY PLEEZE!!!
   
  Christ almighty. You people REALLY need to get to clicking on that DONATE button. Not so I can keep the OO bills paid, but just so I can triple my monthly whiskey budget and keep myself relatively sane. Or at least: relatively numb to the sheer awfulness that keeps building up and surrounding me. Help me, OO Nation, you're my only hope!
   
  
• Since last we spoke of him, Undertaker has had hip surgery, and is already beginning a rehab program, with a target return date of August. That would make him available for SummerSlam, ideally, though they could also use Taker's comeback in an attempt to hype the newly re-imagined "Submissions Only" PPV in September.
   
  That PPV's name, by the way? "Breaking Point." Which is a name used in the past by UFC and sounds suspiciously like a TNA PPV, as well.
   
  Oh, and since we're talking about PPV names (here in a bullet point mostly designed to update you on Taker), the Great American Bash is now simply titled "The Bash." Why? Because WWE has trouble selling the PPV overseas with the word "American" in the title. I'm not making this up.
   
  
• The "returns" of Shane Douglas and Raven to TNA as of last week's TV are just temporary, to kind of lend some gravitas to the annual Slammiversary PPV (which this year marks TNA's 7th birthday). Shouldn't come as too big a shock to anybody, as Douglas isn't really in any shape to be a regular in-ring contributor, and Raven got shunted into the storyline blackhole that is Abyss' Business. I mean, plus ten for Raven and Stevie being back together again, however briefly. Minus several billion for just about everything else associated with Abyss, though.
   
  Victoria, on the other hand, is in TNA for the longer haul, and I guess pretty much steps into the void that's been left in TNA since Gail Kim left (and which left TNA in the spot of turning Kong babyface). She'll be wrestling as "Tara" in TNA, for reasons solely to do with TNA wanting to copyright all their talent's names in the future.
   
  
• And as promised, we'll close with a quick rundown of what to expect Sunday night on WWE's Extreme Rules PPV. We've got eight matches, and six of them are rematches from three weeks ago, just MORE EXTREME~! And one of them is a Vince McMahon Shitty Sense of Humor Hogpen Match!
   
  So strap in and enjoy:
   
  Edge vs. Jeff Hardy (Ladder Match for the World Title). These two have been at each other's throats for basically a decade, ever since they helped to "make" each other in the first ever tag team ladder matches. In that time, Jeff's usually the one who steals the show, but it's Edge who wins the matches (a minor detail Edge has been all too happy to throw into Jeffrey's face lately). Still, in more recent (non-ladder) affairs, Edge's luck against Jeff has been more tenuous... his key title wins (at the Royal Rumble and just three weeks ago at Armaunforjudgmalash) have come thanks to interference from Jeff's brother Matt. Not due to any inherent superiority over Jeff. Matt's got his own business to attent to on this card, so the hope here is that we get a tremendous final blow-off to this long-standing feud, pretty much akin to what Edge and John Cena delivered two months ago. Unless something goes horrifyingly wrong, this should already be penciled in as the Match of the Night, with a ceiling that could even place it on many short lists come the end of the year. With Jeff's contract status still uncertain (even if he does extend his deal, most are saying it comes with the understanding of Jeff getting 2-3 months off to recharge later this year), all they need to do with what they've done for the past 10 years: let Jeff jump of high places, let Edge win, and let this match rule the entire known multiverse.
   
  Randy Orton vs. Batista (Cage Match for the WWE Title). Not sure what to expect here, as Orton/Batista haven't exactly clicked in terms of in-ring chemistry, nor have fans cottoned to this particular feud in any meaningful way. And yet, cheesy cage escapes can be a source of cheap drama and excitement, and the Unforgiving Steel can also be a source of bloody ultraviolence to mask any other shortcomings. So: who knows? It probably won't be pretty or particularly thrilling, but it also doesn't have to suck. The cage gimmick probably keeps extracurriculars to a minimum (so no Legacy advantage for Orton; meantime, Flair just got "written out" on the babyface side on Monday and HHH/Shane are both still out as well; Vince is back on TV, but cares more about Enos Kroenke than he does revenging on Orton, it seems), so hopefully whatever finish they go with here is decisive enough that it sends BOTH these guys moving onto their next issues. I'm not feeling another chapter between them, anyway, and ratings suggest I'm not alone.
   
  Rey Mysterio vs. Chris Jericho (No Holds Barred Match for the InterContinental Title). Last time, Jericho made it his mission to not be (619)'d in a match versus Rey. Well, he was (619)'d and he lost. This time around, Jericho is making it his mission to unmask Rey, because only liars and hypocrites hide behind masks and Jericho wants to expose Mysterio. Or at least: that's Jericho's story. It could also be that Jericho just wants to distract Mysterio with mask related shennanigans, while the TRULY important thing on Jericho's mind is to regain the IC Title. Either way, I don't think the unmasking happens this weekend... this feels like a longer-arcing storyline with a pay-off months in the future. So for now, we take solace in the fact that last month gave us a tasty 12 minute appetizer between Jericho and Rey, somewhere down the line we'll probably get our 25 minute epic between them... and this weekend, we'll get a damned fine middle chapter that falls somewhere in between. This is the match that should assure that SmackDown once again scores the night's two finest contests.
   
  John Cena vs. Big Show (Submissions Only Match). So last month, Show beat the piss out of Cena for 15 minutes, and then Cena pulled an F-U out of nowhere to score the superman comeback win, and you thought "Well, that's that." But NO~! Because win or no win, Cena's lengthy string of FAIL in that match included being unable to apply his SSTF because Show is just Too Damned Big. A minor point, you might think, but not to Big Show, who remembered Cena's failed submissionary and challenged him to a match where ONLY submissions count. Oh, how will Cena ever survive when his one and only Wrestling Hold won't work on Big Show, and yet Big Show has repeatedly destroyed Cena with his Camel Clutch? My guess: Cena will do so very easily and out of left-field after getting his ass kicked for 15 minutes. It's kind of his thing.
   
  Christian vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Jack Swagger (Extreme Rules Three-Way Match for the ECW Title). Well, Christian and Swagger have been going back and forth since before WrestleMania, with Christian winning Swagger's ECW Title six weeks ago and Swagger refusing to go away. All this despite the fact that Tommy Dreamer long ago set this PPV as his "retirement show" if he didn't regain the ECW belt. Sadly, they've kind of underplayed the Dreamer storyline, only giving it anything resembling a serious push two days ago on ECW... once pushed, it sure went over well with fans, and seems like something they could have milked a bit more effectively (seeing as how Dreamer intro'd the concept back in, like, December), but whatever. We're here, and now Dreamer's possible self-imposed retirement stands as a sort of self-contained add-on to the existing Christian/Swagger feud. In a way, it lends itself to a situation where Christian and Swagger could be so obsessed with each other that Dreamer sneaks in and scores the feel-good win... but on the other, it could just mean that Christian and Swagger are so obsessed with each other that nobody even really remembers Dreamer is in the match and he has to retire after not even figuring into the decision. If there's one thread that's connected Dreamer's key career moments, it's that he's ultimately always been a loser (he lost all but one match to his lifelon nemesis, Raven, and when he finally won the ECW one time, he only held it for 20 minutes), which is kind of endearing... if he chooses to go out that way, I'd understand. But part of me sure as hell wouldn't mind a more tasteful goodbye to the final lingering vestige of the real ECW before we finally resign ourselves to WWE's re-imagined brand of the same name.
   
  Umaga vs. CM Punk (Samoan Strap Match). Umaga returned a month or so ago to cost Punk a chance to cash in his Money in the Bank briefcase. Then in his first full match back from injury, Umaga beat Punk in Punk's hometown. Then, to add insult to injury, Umaga decided to keep making Punk his bitch for the next couple weeks before finally challenging him to a strap match (yes, folks, Umaga now speaks!). Punk accepted, and so we're on for Sunday. Not sure what (if anything) makes a Samoan Strap Match different from any other strap match, but regardless, these two have what it takes to work stiff as shit and beat the hell out of each other in what could click as a real slobberknockery brawl.
   
  Kofi Kingston vs. MVP vs. William Regal vs. Matt Hardy (Fatal Fourway for the US Title). So, ummm, yeah... once MVP was drafted to RAW, he needed new challengers for his US title. Regal stepped up first, and then Hardy wasn't far behind. Kofi got involved just by trying to help MVP out against 2-on-1 odds, but in so doing, ended up beating Regal and Hardy in a #1 Contender's match, and then beating MVP just Monday night to become the US Champ his own self. So now: these four are at it again, with RAW's #2 title on the line. Interesting mix of styles to say the least, as Kofi and Regal are about as different as humanly possible, while MVP and Hardy fall in between and have actually shown good chemistry working with each other in the past. No reason why this shouldn't be a wholly passable little 12 minute TV special.
   
  Vickie Guerrero vs. Santina Marella (Hog Pen Match for the Miss WrestleMania Tiara). I've said it once, and I'll say it again: Vince McMahon has a shitty sense of humor. What do you do when you're feeling miserable and down in the dumps after another low rating comes in? Take it out on the 40-something widow of a former employee and a guy who dared to get over with the audience despite only being presented as a comedy side show act and not one of your "blue chippers"!!!! Nee haw. This is 15 minutes out of the show where -- if the technology existed -- WWE should be required to PAY US to watch it, rather than the other way around.
   
  I do believe that's all we've got on the official slate for now. Eight matches is plenty, though (even if one of them is a godawful throw-away comedy bit). Given the no-handcuffs/extreme-rules nature of the show, it kind of sucks we couldn't find spots for Evan Bourne, Johnny Morrison, Shelton Benjamin, Carlito, etc.... this is a setting in which guys like that can excel simply by bringing the athleticism despite whatever dearth of charisma may also exist. Well: Carlito has plenty of charisma, too, but you get the idea.
   
  Instead, pretty much our only hope for a decent "add-on" come Sunday will be Miz showing up to do something predictably awesome.
   
  Tune in Sunday to find out. Or don't. Because you can just start checking OO around midnight for my full recap and analysis of the show. It'll be here either right around then, or first thing in the morning, depending on what works best for me and my schedule.
   
  See you then, kids...