OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

ONLINE ONSLAUGHT
WrestleMania 30 Preview
April 4, 2014

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OOWrestling.com

WrestleMania weekend has long been considered the culmination of the Wrestling Year. Granted, that's changed in the last decade, or so, with the creation of an April PPV predicated entirely on WM rematches, with "extreme" spipulations added. Closure... who needs it?!?

But for all intents and purposes, this is still the time of the year when we, as wrestling fans, will tend to step back and assess the Year That Was, and remember the path we took to get to where we are.

This time around, I'll ask you to indulge me for just a moment, here in the PreRamble of my own annual WrestleMania Big Picture Column... because I've had a bit of an ordeal these past few months, and it's about to come to an end (knock on wood), and I figure I owe it to a few people to step back and contemplate the wild ride, and hand out some thoughts and thanks.

This coming Thursday, I'm going to have my feeding tube removed. And then that's it; after keeping appointments at a rate of 1 or 2 per week (when I wasn't already in the hospital) for all of 2014, I don't have and appointment to see a doctor again until September. Coincidentally, Thursday will make it exactly 100 days since the night I shoved my uneaten dinner aside and started violently vomiting. 100 Days, a nice round number...

100 days I'd rather give back, for sure. But all things considered, if someone tells you you're going to have a Brush With Cancer, you could do lots worse than the 100 days I got handed. There was a metric shitton of physical pain, and a not unsubstantial amount of emotional trauma as my diagnosis kept changing and morphing, before finally settling on a low-grade and operable tumor on my pancreas. But I cannot complain about how the whole thing ended. Cancer-free, baby! [FWIW, I take a lot of pride in being as Mr.-Spock-like as possible, and in this case, it was as much for the sakes of my friends and family (especially my mom, who was emotionally traumatized enough for both of us) as much as it was for my own sense of dignity... but I promise you, on the inside, this is about the most freaked out I've ever been in my entire life.]

Luckily, when you're hospitalized for weeks at a time and under the best of care, there are also drugs for that. Bless you, lorazapam, for keeping my exterior calm and cool, and my nights not entirely sleepless!

But I digress. Mostly what I wanted to do was use this moment of reflection to hand out a bunch of thank yous, including to many of you reading right now, who were compelled to send a "get well" or "thinking of you" or whatever in the last 3 months. I spent that time doing whatever I could to keep people close to me from worrying about me, but I still took a lot of comfort everytime I got some gesture that reminded me that people were out there caring about me.

So thank you, OO Nation.

Some of the biggest thanks are reserved for people who are definitely not reading this, but screw it, it needs to be said: there are amazing people working in the medical profession, and I was lucky enough to deal with a bunch of them, and I can't thank them enough.

I basically drew a straight flush with regards to the surgeon assigned to me, and the team she put together, and the work they did puzzling out my specific circumstance, before actually going in and doing the grueling 7 hour surgery. If anything, I started to get suspicious when doctors I'd never met would come around and know exactly who I was; I guess I was quite the rock star at their little weekly Thursday Pancreas Panel, what with my Mystery Tumor... suspicious, but grateful; having doctors, even ones not assigned to you, putting effort into your recovery is a good feeling.

And I don't even have the words to describe the nurses who oversaw my ordeal and recovery. I spent the entire time marveling at the fact that I was just about at my worst (needy, useless, and probably not always as gracious as I should be), and almost every single one of them was always at their best, both in terms of the technical care provided and in terms of the genuinely concerned and friendly way it was provided.

I sort of suspect the doctors I dealt with are all going to be compensated handsomely, and already have some of the depressing and formidible bills to prove it... but there's no fricking way I didn't get the far better of the transaction when it came to the nursing care. Does anybody know what the protocol is for thanking nurses after the fact? Is that allowed? I know it wsa a big deal a few years back when nurses got to take their last names off their name badges, to maintain safety/anonymity from patients. Would some sort of card/gifts sent to the entire staff of the 5th floor BMTU wing of Miami Valley Hospital be appropriate, or just sort of creepy and over-doing it?

Regardless, I'm grateful to anybody and everybody who had anything to do with getting me past my little Medical Unpleasantness. From the slightest token gesture to the most complicated of 7 hour surgeries, I assure you, it all made a difference.

Thursday will be the removal of the last outward sign of said ordeal. Well, except for the massive 14" scar on my belly (which is pretty nicely healed, actually). All we have to do from here is make sure that no INWARD signs return... I'm calling this the "end," but the vigilance will be on-going, because cancer is the sort of thing that sometimes comes back for more. But hey, bi-annual CT Scans will be a walk in the park compared to what I've dealt with.

So I'll keep the positive mental outlook, and believe that my first one (already scheduled for September) will come and go without any need to even mention it here on OO. No news, as they say, is good news.

Unless you came here for news, which most of you probably did, seeing as how my real purpose here is SUPPOSED to be providing wrestling news... so let's bring the self-reflection to an end, and talk about a little WrestleMania action!

WRESTLEMANIA 30: PEOPLE POWER IN ACTION?

WWE will periodically make sweeping proclaimations about how they'd be nothing without the fans, and they're in the business of giving fans what they want... and sometimes, they even mean it.

But other times, the fact that WWE is still -- at heart -- a family run business with a strong, iconic leader and surprisingly little accountability to shareholders shines through. It may not be a genuine antagonism towards the fans (not even I, as cynical as I am, can believe that), but there's certainly a lot of myopic tunnel vision and sycophancy at work. The tastes of one man (or a small group) may drive key decisions, and others may be satisfied to be "yes men."

In fact, let us all pause now to remember Johnny Ace, the king of the Yes Men. Three years ago, he claimed to be championing the concept of "People Power." Ahhhhh, the irony. But hey, here we are at WM30, and we've got ourselves a show on Sunday night that We, the People, pretty much FORCED WWE to give us.

Make no mistake: when the WWE Title Match goes on, it won't be the carefully constructed pay-off to a 9-month-long story. It'll be a (relatively) last second move by WWE to prevent a full-out fan rebellion. WWE didn't start casting Daniel Bryan as the oft-screwed whipping boy back at SummerSlam, with visions of crowning him as their World Champ at WrestleMania... but as fate would have it, their screwy and sometimes mind-numbing booking of Bryan mobilized the fans in a way that may not have happened otherwise.

Not only did fans demand (and, in a few cases, RECEIVE) refunds to Autumn 2013 PPVs when WWE failed to delivery satisfying conclusions or undid main events the next night on RAW... but when WWE was finally ready to "get serious" for WrestleMania season -- by moving Bryan into a strange and ultimately aborted storyline with the Wyatts, to make room for surefire, can't-miss megastar Dave Batista -- the fans said, "Uhhhhhhh, no."

And before long, WWE HAD to listen. As has tended to be the case for much of Randy Orton's tenure as a heel in WWE, he hasn't exactly lit the world on fire as WWE Champsion over the past 9 months. When Batista returned, the fans immediately booed him out of the building, and chanted for Daniel Bryan after Batista won the Royal Rumble. At first, it seemed like WWE was content to just "promote" Bryan to take CM Punk's place at WrestleMania (in a match against Triple H)...

But then it became apparent that if Orton and Batista attempted to take to the stage for the WM30 main event, the fan revolt would be mighty. Mania is the one show every year where there's a significant number of casual fans checking things out... and dammit, the rest of us wrestling fans who are here all year were fixin' to ruin everything by booing and chanting Orton/Batista out of the building.

Suddenly, four weeks ago, Daniel Bryan got his match against HHH AND the possibility of moving on to wrestle for the WWE Title later in the night. The incredible beatdown on Bryan, by HHH, and the general intensity of their feud, actually makes the previously-doomed-to-fail WWE Title Match into one of WM's strongest drawing cards. The winner of HHH/Bryan advances to join Orton and Batista, and one way or another, you KNOW Daniel Bryan will have to be there.

Face it: WWE made these changes because they wanted to avoid a massive shitstorm during the WM30 main event. They're not going to dangle Bryan's participation, and then go back to a match fans will crap upon. I mean, I accused WWE of myopsy and sycophancy... but I won't accuse them of outright stupidity. [Yes, OO can imagine ways HHH beats Bryan, and we'll get to that below... but make no mistake, Bryan will be there in the main event.]

As a bonus, WWE actually can draw upon 9 months of backstory when telling the Bryan vs. the Authority story. I mean, they didn't mean for it to be like this; how could they? Back at SummerSlam when HHH screwed Bryan for the first time, they didn't even know they were going to bring back Batista, much less know that Batista would flop miserably as a fan favorite. There was no way to know that THIS is how things would play out by WrestleMania... and yet, here we are, with Bryan vs. HHH having, perhaps, the best, most compelling build-up of any WrestleMania match.

Completely by accident.

Well, mostly by accident. And partly because of us fans making it all happen. Who'da thunk it?

So here we are, at the WrestleMania that People Power made. Let's take a quick match-by-match look at the card...

DANIEL BRYAN vs. TRIPLE H (Winner Advances to WWE Title Match)

No, this is not the main event... but for our narrative purposes, we need to talk about this match BEFORE we address the main event, so we'll place it at the top of the list.

I trust Pyro will do his usual fantastic job of WM backstoryry (backstoritude? backstoriness?)... whatever you call it, what I mean is that his WM column always has a detailed point-by-point recap of the stories leading to the matches, leaving me to rant and rave about what we can expect on Sunday. So for this one, all I have is to underscore what I already wrote above: WWE didn't mean for it, but here we are with Daniel Bryan FINALLY getting his shot at revenge after HHH has been screwing him for damn near 9 months.

Bottom line: my expectations are sky-high for this one. Match of the night potential. Hunter is, no matter what the smarks might like to believe, very good at pro wrestling. For the last few years, he's had good-to-great WM matches as a babyface, simply because he has the tenure/gravitas to generate cheers. But make no mistake, Triple H is an exquisite bad guy, and this is his chance to bust out those chops again, against one of the purest white meat babyfaces you can imagine.

It should be spectacular. The intense TV-PG-boundary-pushing beatdown they did 3 weeks ago hinted at it, but it really should be perfect chemistry, and a great match in the "WWE Attitude Era Main Event Style."

[Holy Shit: I just did the mental gymnastics, and it hasn't been a "few" years... it's been since 2006 that HHH played the heel at WM. No wonder I enjoyed it so much when he finally reveted to form.]

Now, everything I've written to this point treats Bryan's participation in the main event as a foregone conclusion. And I really think it is. But that does NOT make this match a foregone conclusion.

I don't know how many (if any) of you follow it, but there are sports books out there that allow betting on pro wrestling, and according to their current odds, Triple H is the second biggest underdog on the WM30 card (behind only Lesnar)... but I can easily see him winning in some sort of tainted/screwy fashion. This accomplishes two things:

(1) It gives Hulk Hogan something to do. So far, he's got a role as "host," but what's that really mean? The only guidepost for us is when The Rock was "host" at WM27... and that meant cutting one big feel-good promo, and then getting involved in the main event. Ergo, you gotta think Hogan does SOMEthing that'll be a difference maker... and re-inserting Bryan into the WWE Title match, after HHH cheats to beat him in the opener, fits that bill.

(2) It could also make the main event a 4-way (instead of a 3-way), and I think that would be fantastic. The way WWE's told the story so far, a 4-way actually fits WAY better -- thematically -- than a 3-way. I think the heat would be nuclear.

So, if you had to press OO for a prediction... I think anyone betting on Bryan to win are gonna be disappointed. Look for a screwy non-finish or, GASP!, even a HHH victory.

RANDY ORTON vs. BATISTA vs. ?????????? (WWE Title Match)

Orton's been the Authority's "chosen one" since SummerSlam (reverting to his historically-less-thrilling heel persona). Batista won the Royal Rumble (to universal disdain). That's why ??????????? is involved.

As noted above, OO thinks ?????????? will either be "Daniel Bryan" or "Both HHH and Daniel Bryan." And with the understanding that WWE has made all these unprecedented late changes to the WWE Title match at Mania because they feared negative fan reaction, you pretty much have to assume Bryan wins the title. Otherwise, you still have the negative reaction, right? Right.

It'd be a nice recall of exactly 20 years ago, if they choose to go with a "Bryan loses to HHH, but rebounds to win the WWE Title" story. That's pretty much how Bret Hart did it at WM10.

WWE has shown a willingness to "undo" a PPV ending the next night on RAW (and a willingness to do it to Bryan, no less), so that's always on the table as a way to get the favorable WM fan reaction, even if they don't want to run with Bryan as champ.

Also, with Steve Austin's recent unsolicited declaration that CM Punk is going to be at WrestleMania to do some sort of major run-in, that provides just about the only other remotely feasible way of getting out of New Orleans without putting the title on Bryan... Punk returning to screw Bryan (and align himself with HHH) would get the RIGHT kind of boos: boos you can later monetize by doing Punk vs. Bryan (instead of boos that alienate some percentage of your fansbase).

Punk's walk-out -- as far as "smart" fans know -- is entirely to do with his sense of being disrespected, both in terms of his place on the WM card, and with regards to future compensation. So returning as Corporate Manslave Punk would infuriate fans, who'd view him as getting his massive payday, but selling out all his other morals and values to get it. It'd be beautiful.

But then again, if WWE is lucky enough to have smoothed things over with Punk, and Stone Cold is right that he's coming back, you almost have to use him as a babyface, given the glut of heels... either that, or somebody else has to be turning to compensate. And I don't think the world's ready to cheer Batista just yet. [So it'd have to be Orton? I'd be OK with that, I guess. His promo work sucks either way, but he's thrice as likely to have exciting, engrossing matches when he works as a babyface than as a lethargic heel.]]

I dunno... these are all certainly remote possibilities, but OO tends to favor Not Overthinking Things. So we'll stick to the prediction that Bryan works twice, overcomes all manner of power abuse by HHH, and walks out with the belt.

UNDERTAKER vs. BROCK LESNAR

Yeah, so this will be dramatic. It will be intense. There will be brutality. But Taker's going to win. We're past the point of Taker dropping a Streak match to an already-made-man.... if he ever loses at Mania, it's going to be a huge, career-making deal for a newer/younger guy. Bank, as the Bulldog says, on it.

So OO won't waste any more air on predictioninzing for this one. OO will just tell you to sit back, drink your drink, eat your chips, and enjoy the hell out of another Instant Classic.

JOHN CENA vs. BRAY WYATT

WWE's been all over the map in the build-up to this one, but by the end, they were MOSTLY hitting the right notes.... Cena's jokey/phony/shouty persona reared its ugly head at the very end, but it was mostly serious, creepy, and intense.

Wyatt's magnifcently delivered rhetoric resonates perfectly with the always-polarized WWE audience: the grown-ups understand and comprehend Bray's thesis that Cena is an annoying false superhero who needs to be taken down, and the kiddies suspect Bray is a self-involved false prophet who's really more of a cult leader.

It'd play awesome in front of a typical WWE crowd. WrestleMania is not a typical WWE crowd, so instead of an electric 50/50 split look for Cena to be a massive crowd UNfavorite. [It's getting to the point where I actually feel bad about "smark" reaction to Cena; cuz not only is he not that bad, he actually keeps adding things to his in-ring game. Or am I just getting soft?] And more to the point, look for Wyatt to use this as a launching pad to get to the next level with a big win.

I mean, what are two hired goons for, if not to provide an unfair advantage? I expect Harper and Rowan to get the same treatment as Diesel (WM10) and Rhyno (WM18), but only after they help tilt the advantage towards Bray.

And what is "Extreme Rules" for, if not to re-do WrestleMania matches with a stipulation so that you get finality and closure? Wyatt will benefit from the win on the bigger stage, but Cena can still get his win back (for the purpose of narrative parity) in 4 weeks, without sacrificing anything.

How well thematch clicks is up in the air... Wyatt's only had a handful of outings where he really had a great singles match, and has been more about showing off in promos/angles. And Cena doesn't always mesh with every opponent. But the atmosphere should be electric, and that always helps.

THE SHIELD vs. KANE/NEW AGE OUTLAWS

Two months ago, it felt like WWE was just about ready to break up the Shield... Roman Reigns did everything but win the Royal Rumble, and Dean Ambrose was not ready to have anyone outshine him.

And while I know the break-up is an inevitability, I'm glad we've got at least this one last chance to enjoy the trio together in a babyface role. Reigns, Rollins, and Ambrose have been so fantastic together as heels that it just feels right to give them at least a single curtain call so we can watch them do that voodoo they do so well, and cheer for them.

The three have actually had their best matches as a group, with only Rollins having any particular success in terms of popping an audience in singles competition (fans are clearly keen on the IDEA of Roman Reigns, but the reality is his matches have fallen pretty flat)... so I'd be all for any additional delay in the break-up, too. But I'm not sure that's in the cards.

In fact, I'll go so far as predicting that friction among the Shield will be their undoing, and they'll lose on Sunday. It's not necessarily the best idea, but it's just a sense I've got after watching how things have played out the past few weeks.... the dissension was palpable for a while there, and now it's conveniently (almost SUSPICIOUSLY) absent, and the trio are all totally back on the same page.

So just when you've breathed a sigh of relief, believing they're all friends again is EXACTLY when WWE will pull the rug out... or at least, that's been an M.O. of theirs in the past. Plus, Ambrose is still the US Champ, so an immediate break-up gives us an immediate direction to go in terms of "Extreme Rules" (something that doesn't exist if the Shield just maintain the status quo; if they win, seriously, what else do they have on their plate?).

ANDRE THE GIANT MEMORIAL BATTLE ROYALE

In honor of WM30, it's a 30 man match. And so far, WWE has announced 27 of them. I am going to cross my fingers, and hope Pyro lists them all for you, because it will only depress me if *I* have to dig up the list and type names like "Brad Maddox" or "Brodus Clay."

So for our purposes, we'll just tell you about Big Show, who has been showcased as the odds-on favorite on TV. And I guess we can mention Sheamus, Rey Mysterio, and Miz, all of whom have at least been involved in TV angles related to the battle royale, and should command some level of fan reaction on Sunday. Maybe Alberto del Rio and Big E, too, but those two seem more fated to feud with eachother AFTER the battle royale than be taken seriously in it.

For this reason, OO turns its attention to the three slots that are, as yet, unfilled. There are some fans out there who are talking about Sting and/or the Ultimate Warrior showing up to participate, but I really doubt it. WWE will induct Warrior, but gains nothing by putting him over in a battle royale over current talent. And while WWE will no doubt monetize Sting in a future match, they will NOT give away a rare (and EXPENSIVE) in-ring appearance by Sting in an unannounced contest... I'd keep an eye open for Sting on Monday's RAW, if he's going to start a story arc for WM31. But not on Sunday.

More realistically, I think Rob Van Dam may show up. He's just about ready for his return to TV for another 3-4 month run, and will either be there Sunday for the battle royale or in some other capacity on RAW.

And as I've been saying for weeks now: Alexander Rusev, a recent stand-out on NXT set to start on the main roster. A huge guy, and WWE will want him to make an equally huge impact in his debut. Having your first match at Mania, and getting the better of Big Show fits the bill (and sets up a compelling first singles feud for Rusev, too).

DIVA INVITATIONAL (For AJ's Women's Title)

I think I counted 14 total women during RAW's "lumberjill" match, which is basically every woman active on the roster, including the one from That Which OO Does Not Acknowledge As Valid Entertainment who isn't really on the roster. Also: it's a one-fall match, so AJ doesn't even have to get beat to lose her title.

It's always possible that WWE may add a surprise entrant here, too, but I figure that's far less likely than in the men's catch-all match (no matter how much I agree that Kharma as AJ's new bodyguard would be awesome).

At this point, I don't know if they bailed on the original AJ/Naomi title match because they just wanted everybody on the roster to get a payday, because Naomi is still not 100%, or because they've given up on women's wrestling entirely, and want the diva's title to be a prop on TWOODNAAVE. But I figure it's all but assured that AJ won't retain her title on Sunday.

WWE has simply shown no interest in providing her with a compelling narrative since late last year. And whether that's for reasons as petty as who she's dating (and as noted, perhaps engaged to, given the ring she was sporting on Monday), or not, it seems to signal that WWE's bored with her, and will be moving on to someone else. And they'll probably lose interest in her, too, before too long, because that's what WWE does with the women's division, other than terrible "reality" shows.

With that in mind... OO's mostly random prediction is Brie wins, so that she and Daniel Bryan can be a title-toting Power Couple. Whee?

THE REST

Yep, that's it... WWE's going with a 7-match card for the 4-hour show, which is almost sure to provide me with plenty of ammo for bitching and moaning on Sunday night. But so long as other events do it, WWE -- in its insecure desire to prove it's just as mainstream as anybody else -- will load up on crappy filler material. HEY! The requirements of REAL SPORTING EVENTS demand a certain amount of downtime, but YOU'RE SCRIPTED. You can make EVERY SECOND COUNT, DAMMIT!

But they won't.

On the upside, not every moment of extra time will be wasted, either. History has taught us that legends/Hall of Famers get some nice airtime at WrestleMania. That'll be amplified at WM30, as WWE has secured the services of basically every major star of the past three decades. They've announced Steve Austin will be there in person at the SuperDome; the Rock will probably be sending in something pre-taped; and it goes on from there. If they made an impact on the WM tradition, and they aren't dead, they will probably be involved on Sunday.

Well, except CM Punk. Unless Austin's right. [OK, Kurt Angle,too. But that may be changing by the time WM31 comes around, from what I hear.]

And as noted above, you've got Hulk Hogan in the role of "host," who will perform duties recognizable as "wrestling-oriented," possibly including some nominal level of "authority" (which he's already exhibited by booking matches for the show). So that'll be tolerable.

But then, there will also be ample opportunity to urinate built into the 4-hour show, too.

There's also a 2-hour (yes, TWO hour) pre-show, on youtube and/or the WWE Network... we know WWE has demoted the tag title match (Usos vs. Real Americans vs. Rybaxel vs. Los Matadores) to the pre-show, but otherwise, I'm not sure how they'll fill the time, other than repetitious video packages, and "panel" discussions where you'll wonder if it's OK to take Tensai seriously now that he's called "Jason Albert." But I'll probably still put it on in the background starting at 5pm, just because I'm loyal like that.

FWIW, I see no reason for the Usos to lose the titles if they can't be bothered to put the match on PPV. Hopefully Usos vs. Americans will dominate (but it IS a one-fall match, not elimination-style, which is too bad)... perhaps the break-up of Cesaro and Swagger will finally happen, and cause the finish. You could then -- if you wanted -- even cart Cesaro out as an entrant in the Battle Royale for a nice big pop and a few feats of strength.

There was also talk a week or so back that WWE might feature a few NXT matches on the preshow, but I may have misunderstood the discussion... they may just be doing NXT matches at the Fan Fest, which leads up to the PPV, but which isn't really part of the preshow. We'll see. I actually really liked the idea of putting some NXT guys out there on the preshow, since the heavily wankerized audience would recognize them and treat them like stars... talk about making a great first impression.

So.... 7 official PPV matches, 1 preshow match, spectacular legends guest list. I think that's all the highlights. It's all I got for this preview, anyway.

Hopefully, you've discovered that the WWE Network is the best $9.95 you can spend, so you'll be able to join me in watching WrestleMania on Sunday. Or maybe you're an old fashioned type, who just can't wait to fork over the full $60 for the PPV, I dunno...

But if you're neither, just remember that I'll be back here on Sunday night, at some point shortly after the show (probably around 11:30pm eastern), with the full recap and analysis for you.

See you then, kids!

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises

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RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On

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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.