I hope you all had a very merry Christmas. I mean VERY merry. Somehow, we -- collectively, as OO Nation -- need to have things work out so that our AVERAGE Christmas was merry. 
 
And since I didn't have any Christmas, at all (for the reason discussed several times in the last couple weeks), that means it's up to YOU to make the Baby Jesus proud!!! So I mean it: I hope this was as awesome a holiday as you've ever had.
 

• OPENING SEGMENT. Ho-Ho-Hogan (Hulk Hogan in a Santa suit) comes out to kick things off, but is joined in short order by John Cena, who is quite displeased after losing a match to Seth Rollins last Monday. Cena wants a rematch. Rollins comes out and says he's not interested. But Hogan says he wants to see it, and he's in charge, so it's on. And it's next.

• CENA DEFEATS ROLLINS. Gets off to a slow start, but after an ad break, things really heat up for an extended End Game. Both guys get very convincing near falls, and the crowd is red hot by the time the real finish hits. Interference from the New Stooges backfires, and Cena winss clean with the F-U. Very good 13 minute match.

• FANDANGO DEFEATS JACK SWAGGER. Swagger didn't go down without a token fight, but let's not pretend this was something it wasn't.

• R-TRUTH DEFEATS ADAM ROSE. Very short match that only served as the pretext for Rose attacking The Bunny after the match. And remember, the Bunny was still in a neck brace because of Kane, so that makes Rose an even bigger dick than the other 3 times he's attacked the Bunny. Or something like that.

• ROMAN REIGNS DEFEATS BIG SHOW. A serviceable slobberknocker for about 5 minutes, and then the big finish saw Show take the brawl outside the ring... only to get Superman Punched over the announce table, so Reigns won by count-out. Pretty cheap for our alleged WM Main Event Babyface Hero...

• NATALYA DEFEATS BRIE BELLA. It was a clean win, via pinfall (a roll-up when Brie tried to counter the Sharpshooter). After the match, Nikki tried a sneak attack, but it backfired, so we're looking at Nattie the #1 Contender, now, is my guess. Also after the match, Tyson Kidd was extra-douchey in trying to steal his wife's spotlight.

• LOS MATADORES AND EL TORITO BEAT THE DUST BROTHERS. A harmless 5 minute comedy match. If you were deeply offended by it, I can only assume you view the Grinch as a protagonist.

• DOLPH ZIGGLER RETAINED THE IC TITLE WITH A WIN OVER LUKE HARPER. This was Harper's obligatory title rematch, and even though there were no ladders this time, these two just knocked the ball out of the park with an awesome 15 minute match. Nothing revolutionary in terms of psychology/layout... just superbly executed monster heelishness by Harper, and even better underdoggery by Ziggler. Finish is a killer triple combo by Ziggler: superkick, rebound superkick, Zig Zag. Absolutely youtube-worthy if you didn't see it.

• PIPER'S PIT. Making a special appearance, Roddy Piper brings out Rusev and Lana for the Pit. As is his wont, Piper had some fun at their expense. Predictably, this resulted in Rusev challenging Piper to fight. But Piper had a better idea. If Rusev wants a fight, Piper has a Christmas present for him... it's Ryback (who comes out WEARING A BOW, which is way funnier to me than it should be). After a brief brawl, Ryback gets the better of it, so Rusev bails out and retreats.

• NAOMI/EMMA/ALICIA DEFEAT PAIGE/SUMMER/CAMERON. They're all dressed up like Santa's Helpers, except Paige, who is in her normal gear (and a black "Bah Humbug" Santa hat). I thought it'd be a showcase for either Naomi (another viable #1 contender) or Paige (we need one other credible heel act besides the Bellas), but nope. The finish is Alicia pinning Cameron because.... uhh, I can't finish that sentence.

• MIZ DEFEATS JIMMY USO. Decent little 4 minute match, but then again, I'm always entertained whenever Sandow is on my screen. Finish was Miz winning with a handful of tights.

• BRAY WYATT DEFEATS DEAN AMBROSE. This is a "Miracle on 34th Street Fight," so unlike Ziggler and Harper, these two basically DO get the benefit of the same extracurriculars as they had at the PPV. And they make good use of them (as well as the various gift boxes and pine trees, in addition to the tables, ladders, chairs, and candy-striped kendo sticks). Finish was Ambrose going for another off-the-ladder table spot, but Wyatt caught him by throwing a chair at his face, causing Ambrose to fall hard off the ladder. Then Wyatt hit another variation of the "Trachea Buster," but using a kendo stick instead of a chair. That was enough to get him the win.

• OPENING SEGMENT. Hulk Hogan, sans Santa outfit, is in charge again, and kicks things off by rattling off a list of his various SmackDown moments. Seth Rollins interrupts, and basically calls Hogan an old man who should get out of his ring, because he is the present and future of this business. Hogan disagrees; he thinks there are plenty of better options to be the Future of WWE. Rollins dares him to name just one. So Hogan picks Dolph Ziggler. Out comes Ziggler to accept the compliment, and to razz Rollins. Big Show comes out for no readily apparent reason (honestly, he basically just comes out at random, and threatens to KO Hogan and Ziggler), which brings out Roman Reigns. Hogan makes the obvious tag match for our main event.

• RYBACK DEFEATS KANE. Another rematch from TLC, where these two had an overlong chore of a match. So this time, they kept it ultra-short. Rusev came out after about 2 minutes, and tried to attack Ryback, but it didn't work, and Ryback clotheslined him off the apron, then turned back to Kane to hit the Shellshock. But after the match, Kane and Rusev doubleteamed Ryback, and left him laying (after a chokeslam and the Camel Clutch).

• NAOMI DEFEATS ALICIA. I can state, with authority, that this is a thing that happened. Miz was watching backstage, to remind us that THAT is also a thing that is happening.

• ADAM ROSE DEFEATS R-TRUTH. A rematch from Monday, but this time, it's a new Adam Rose. No Bunny, and he cold shouldered the Rosebuds during his entrance. He's all business and rather lemon-y. As a result of this newfound focus, he was able to beat Truth, cleanly, with the Party Foul.

• DEAN AMBROSE GETS A WIN OVER RUSEV, BUT IT'S VIA DQ, SO RUSEV RETAINS THE US TITLE. A really, really good match. These two had excellent chemistry, with Rusev physically superior by all objective metrics, but Ambrose doing any crazy thing that came into his head to keep it a believably close fight. The psychology played to their strengths, and the fact that both guys are red hot with the crowd -- individually -- meant that there was synergy on that front when they combined their efforts here. The result was several moments where you could actually believe that Ambrose was about to win the US Title and become the first man to pin Rusev. But of course, that's when Bray Wyatt comes into play, ruining Ambrose's night... on the cusp of a REAL victory, Ambrose has to settle for the DQ win when Wyatt runs out. Rusev bails out, happy to be off the hook, but the Ambrose/Wyatt brawl rages on for a bit. Then, as soon as Ambrose finds a cache of steel chairs, Wyatt decides to retreat, too. Dean gets both the literal and the moral victories (over Rusev and Wyatt, respectively), but he does not get the US Title.

• JIMMY USO DEFEATS MIZ. After Miz got the cheap/handful-of-tights win on Monday, and then continued the pervostalking of Naomi earlier in the night, Jimmy pretty much kicked Miz's ass, in a very one-sided affair. Miz tried to beg off, at which point he ate two superkicks and a superfly splash for the squash loss. On the upside, the more Miz gets his ass kicked, the more hilarious Sandow is!

• DOLPH ZIGGLER AND ROMAN REIGNS DEFEAT SETH ROLLINS AND BIG SHOW. Solid 12 minute tag match, sticking pretty close to the predictable formula. That is to say: a back and forth start, then Ziggler settles in as your Face in Peril, to get his ass kicked for the majority of the match. It's what he does best, and Rollins and Show looked like a million bucks while Ziggler engendered mucho sympathy. Then, hot tag to Reigns. He's a house o' fire. The New Stooges briefly swing things in Rollins' favor, but then it breaks down into a Pier Four braw, and Reigns spears Rollins into next week for the win.