by Adam Gutschmidt
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

- Emanating from the Meadowlands Arena in East Rutherford, New Jersey.  New Jersey again?

- Your commentators are Tony Schivone and Jesse “the Body” Ventura

Opening Match: The Brainbusters vs. The Hart Foundation

The Busters recently defeated Demolition for the tag titles but since this match had already been signed before they won the straps it’s a non-title match.  Too bad, so sad Hart Foundation.  Bret and Tully lockup as the announcers argue over why the Busters didn’t make this a title match.  Nice sequence between the two as Bret works on Tully’s arm.  Arn gets tagged in and does some equally nice mat work with Bret.  The Anvil continues Bret’s work on Arn’s arm and prevents him from tagging Tully by dragging him back to the face corner.  Arn finally tags in Tully who tries a cheap kick on Bret, but gets caught.  Tully tries matching power with the Anvil which fails miserably.  The Hart Foundation have been doing a great job of isolating the Busters while making quick tags themselves.  Tully reverses Bret’s hammerlock and puts on one of his own.  Bret bridges out of it, so Arn tries to double-team.  Bret though, tosses both Busters to the floor.  Crowd is eating this up.  A blind tag by the Busters allows Arn to nail Bret from behind.  All four men in now and the Hart Foundation clean house pretty quickly.  Tully tries a crossbody off the second rope, but the Anvil catches him and drives him back to the corner.  Man, the Busters have gotten zero offense here so far.  Bret whips the Anvil to the corner to splash Tully, but Arn pulls him away at the last second causing Anvil to crash into the corner.  The Busters are finally able to gain control and make frequent tags.  The Anvil tries punching out Arn to get to his corner, but Arn stops him.  Arn whips the Anvil to the ropes and the two collide as the Anvil comes back, causing both men to go down.  Arn prevents the tag but when he runs to the ropes, Bret kicks him in the back.  Now the Anvil tags Bret and he goes right to work on Tully.  Bret is now handling both Busters.  All four men are back in with Bret clotheslining Tully and the Anvil knocking Arn to the floor.  Bret whips Tully and then launches the Anvil into him.  That’s such a cool move.  The Anvil powerslams Bret onto Tully.  Bret covers, but the referee is tied up with Bobby Heenan.  Arn comes off the top rope and nails Bret with an ax handle.  Tully rolls over, covers Bret and gets the cheap win.

Bottom Line: Phenomenal match and great opener.  My only complaint is that the Busters didn’t get more on offense.  It’s a shame that after the Harts great performance they would not get a title shot until a year later, which Jesse predicted would happen if they lost this match.  **** ¼

- Dusty Rhodes cuts a promo against Honky Tonk Man, yet he has the Bossman’s hat and nightstick.  How strange.  Oh well, it gave me something else to look at rather than the splotch.

Dusty Rhodes vs. Honky Tonk Man

The two trade dance moves to begin and suddenly I’m in the mood for Jell-O jigglers.  Honky gets hit with a back drop but runs out of the ring before Dusty can hit the elbow.  Back inside, Honky gets irate when Dusty messes up his hair.  Dusty gets a 10 punch count on Honky in the corner.  Jimmy Hart grabs Dusty’s leg as he was coming off the ropes, prompting Dusty to come out after him.  This allows Honky to get the megaphone and nail Dusty right in the midsection.  I’m surprised it didn’t stick.  With Dusty down, Jimmy is able to get a few shots on him as well.  Dusty fights out of a chinlock, but Honky drops him again with a knee to the gut.  A slugfest breaks out in the corner which Dusty wins.  Dusty misses a charge in the corner and then Honky throws him into the referee.  A little early in the show for a ref bump, don’t you think?  Jimmy tries to nail Dusty with the guitar but hits Honky instead.  Dusty drops the elbow and gets the 3 count.

Postmatch: Sean Mooney tries to talk to the Honky Tonk Man in the aisle, but he’s all shook up. (Rimshot please)

BL: Nothing to see here, but the fans really got into it.  And isn’t that what really matters?  *

- Mean Gene interviews Demolition and Hacksaw Jim Duggan.  Duggan says, “These two men have trained my thought to one thing…destroy, attack and destroy.”  Can anybody tell me what the hell that means?

Mr. Perfect vs. The Red Rooster

A shoving match begins the match and then Perfect takes over with some armdrags.  Perfect mocks the Rooster, which prompts him to give Perfect a hard slap to the face.  Looks like someone is a little sensitive about their gimmick.  A nice leapfrog sequence between Perfect and the Rooster.  The Rooster picks up Perfect for a bodyslam but his leg gives out and Perfect falls on him.  Perfect hits a standing dropkick to knock the Rooster to the floor and allow him time to check on his legit injury.  The Rooster brings Perfect outside and they briefly brawl.  Evidently, the injury is too much for the Rooster to continue so Perfect brings him back in, hits the Perfectplex and ends the match.

BL: The injury really hurt the chances of this being anything good.  Then again, it was a Rooster match so my expectations weren’t too high to begin with.  ¾ *

- Now comes a classic WWF moment that only PPV fans saw.  Mean Gene starts interviewing Ravishing Rick Rude, when suddenly the Summerslam behind them falls down prompting Mean Gene to yell, “F*ck it” and then they quickly cut away.  If that wasn’t funny enough, Jesse adds to the hilarity by saying, “Ha!  I don’t know what happened to that Gene Okerlund back there but somebody’s chasing him down.  I like that!  It’s about time that bald-headed old man got somebody to interrupt him and cause him trouble.  All he does is cause trouble.”  Then they go back to the interview with Gene and Rude.  My stomach hurts from laughing.

6 man tag team match: Tito Santana and The Rockers vs. Rick Martel and The Rougeau Brothers

Tito starts off against Jacques instead of Martel.  Action has barely started and the Rockers are already in the ring double-teaming.  The faces take out all the heels and pop this crowd early.  A savant kick by Raymond takes down Janetty and the heels begin to take over this match.  The heels pound on Janetty in their corner while the referee yells at Shawn.  Janetty nails Martel with a dropkick and quickly tags Tito.  Martel though, just as quickly tags Raymond.  Jacques distracts Tito coming off the ropes which allows Raymond to blindly hit him.  The Rougeaus double-team Tito and wear him down to the point that Martel feels confident and enters the ring and continues the attack.  Jacques hits a nice looking dropkick on Tito making him your Mexican migrant-in-distress.  Tito tries fighting back against Martel, but the Rougeaus help keep him down.  A sunset flip by Tito gets 2 on Martel.  Jacques locks on an abdominal stretch on Tito and gets some help for leverage from Martel on the outside.  The heels continue to dominate until a miscommunication causes Jacques to accidentally nail Raymond with a knee.  Tito finally makes the tag to Shawn who erupts on Martel.  Crowd is losing it as the Rockers team up and attack Martel.  Soon all six guys are back in the ring and Tito nails Martel with the flying forearm.  Jacques rolls up Janetty but he rolls through it and covers Jacques.  Martel comes out of nowhere and clotheslines Janetty and then covers him and gets a three count.

BL: A wild finish to a match the crowd really rallied behind.  The match was a little chaotic at times but for the most part this was a really good 6-man match.  *** ½

- A package shows all the events that led up to the Intercontinental title rematch between Rude and the Warrior.  It’s odd because they show a lot of clips that involve Warrior with Andre instead of Rude.  Now the Warrior talks to Mean Gene and once again I’m clueless as to what he just said.

WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Ravishing Rick Rude (champ) vs. Ultimate Warrior

Rude tries punching the Warrior right away, but he no-sells them all.  Warrior gorilla press slams Rude to the outside and then continues to attack him on the floor, including nailing him with the Intercontinental belt.  This sets Jesse off and he goes into this hilarious rant about what is legal outside the ring.  After tossing Rude back inside, Warrior goes up top and hits him with a double ax handle.  That gets 2.  Warrior hits a reverse atomic drop and then swivels his hips to mock Rude.  Rude has gotten nothing on offense yet.  Going up again, the Warrior gets caught this time by Rude who crotches him.  Rude, after working over the Warrior’s back, tries for the Rude Awakening, but Warrior breaks free.  Rude whips the Warrior and then they collide.  As both men fell, they knocked out the referee as well.  Rude gets up first but when he tries attacking the Warrior, Warrior goes into seizure mode and no-sells everything.  Warrior hits a powerslam and covers but there is still no referee.  He hits a piledriver and the referee crawls over slowly.  1…2…Rude gets his foot on the rope.  Trying to end it, Warrior goes for the big splash but Rude gets his knees up.  Rude gets an ugly piledriver for 2.  Suddenly, Rowdy Roddy Piper strolls down to ringside and Rude sees him.  Rude taunts Piper, so Piper moons him.  As Rude yells at Piper, Warrior comes from behind and hits Rude with a back suplex.  He follows that up with the big splash, which is enough to pick up the win and regain the title.

BL: This was a little overbooked if you ask me.  It was pretty obvious that Warrior was winning so the ref bump and Piper’s involvement were a bit much.  I can’t deny though that the crowd was going bezerk the entire time. ***

- Mean Gene does an interview marathon:

• Perfect tells him how easy it was to beat the Rooster
• Piper wants to eat a garage and drink some more
• Rugged Ronnie Garvin is mysterious about his role here tonight
• Heenan and Rude vow revenge on Piper and tell Gene to shove it.

- Gene wraps it up with a video package hyping tonight’s main event tag match.

6 man tag team match: Demolition and King Duggan vs. The Twin Towers and Andre the Giant

Yes, you read that right, King Duggan.  Some braintrust thought it would be a good idea to make him king.  On top of that, since he’s with Demolition tonight, he has the American flag painted on his face.  Jesse takes the words right out of my mouth by saying it’s a disgrace to our country.  Duggan takes it to Akeem right from the get-go and then unleashes Demolition on him.  Akeem tags the Bossman and he gets more of the same.  Ax gets trapped in the heel corner and the tide of the match turns.  Akeem misses a charge, which allows Ax to tag.  Smash comes in and takes on both Towers.  Andre stops Smash’s momentum with one hard blow.  Soon all six guys come in and the referee tries to maintain control.  After Akeem hits a splash from the second rope on Smash, Duggan nails him with the 2 x 4.  Smash covers and picks up the victory.

BL: A pretty bad match that once again has Duggan cheating to win.  This didn’t deserve PPV time but at least it was short.  ½ *

- The Million Dollar Man cuts a promo where he rips on the Superfly and Jake Roberts.  Now that’s using your time wisely.  And since time is money, I guess that is how he got so rich.  OK, I’m stretching here, give me a break.

Greg “the Hammer” Valentine vs. Hercules

“Rugged” Ronnie Garvin is your guest ring announcer and he rips apart Valentine during his introduction.  About the only thing he didn’t call him was Mr. Ugly.  Valentine chases after Garvin but Hercules nails him from behind.  A powerslam by Hercules gets 2.  Valentine keeps trying to go after Garvin but all it does is allow Hercules to continue to attack him.  Valentine knees Hercules as he was coming back into the ring.  This allows him to take control of the match.  Hercules catches Valentine coming off the top with a fist to the midsection.  Valentine begs for mercy in the corner and then suckers Hercules into a pinning combination.  Using the ropes for leverage, Valentine is able to get the pin. 

Postmatch: Garvin declares Hercules the winner, so Valentine cold-cocks him.

BL: We were on a roll, but suddenly we’ve hit a streak of two bad matches in a row.  I think Garvin does have a future as a ring announcer though.  DUD

- Macho Man and Sensation Sherri look into a cauldron and somehow see the demise of Hulkamania in it.  Meanwhile, Zeus gets high from the steam.  Sadly, I’m not being funny here, this is what actually happened.

Superfly Jimmy Snuka vs. The Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase

Dibiase tries a sneak attack but Snuka catches him and knocks him to the floor.  Snuka goes after Virgil and Dibiase tries another sneak attack but this time hits Virgil on accident.  Who thought ol’ coconut head would outsmart Dibiase like this?  I sure didn’t!  Dibiase and Snuka botch a legdrop sequence and Snuka falls right on Dibiase.  A boot to Snuka’s midsection slows him down.  Snuka mounts a comeback with a back body drop but is stopped once again when Dibiase hits him with a stungun.  Dibiase goes for an elbow from the second rope but Snuka moves out of the way.  Snuka uses his head, literally, to wear down Dibiase.  Before Snuka can hit the Superfly Splash, Virgil shakes the top rope and distracts him.  Snuka chases Virgil but Dibiase gets him from behind and throws him to the post.  Dibiase rolls back in before the 10 count and gets the victory.

Postmatch: Snuka hits the Superfly Splash on Virgil to get his heat back

BL: A countout victory?  I don’t know who decided on that but it was a bad one for a pointless match.  ¾ *

- Hogan and Beefcake give one of the most homoerotic promos ever.  Even for them!

- Speaking of homoerotic, The Genius bestows us with a wonderful poem.  I think we’re all a little bit smarter for having heard that.

Main Event Tag Team Match: Hulk Hogan (WWF champ) and Brutus “the Barber” Beefcake w/Miss Elizabeth vs. “Macho Man” Randy Savage and Zeus w/Sensational Sherri

All four men slug it out but Hogan is having difficulty hurting Zeus.  He tries to slam him but can’t even lift him.  Zeus begins choking Hogan until Beefcake saves him.  Macho tags in and now gets his licks in on Hogan.  Hogan escapes a front face lock, but gets kicked by Zeus from the outside as he was trying to gain momentum.  Zeus is back in now and locks Hogan in a bearhug.  Hogan can’t escape so Zeus gets bored and tags Macho again.  Macho misses a couple of elbows and Hogan rolls to tag Beefcake.  Beefcake gets the sleeper on Macho.  Macho shoves Beefcake to escape.  Zeus comes in but Beefcake rakes his eyes and gets a sleeper on him.  While the referee is tied up with Hogan, Macho clocks Beefcake with Sherri’s purse and knocks him out cold.  Macho covers but Hogan makes the save.  Zeus now chokes the life out of Beefcake.  A double clothesline sends both Beefcake and Macho to the mat.  Beefcake tags Hogan who goes to work on Macho.  Hogan’s big boot sends Macho to the floor.  As Hogan tries to suplex Macho back in, Sherri trips him.  Macho hits the flying elbow but Hogan pops up.  Zeus is in now and Hogan tries everything to knock him off his feet.  As Zeus finally drops to one knee, Sherri gets on the apron and Elizabeth dumps her into the ring.  Macho grabs the purse and goes up top but Beefcake knocks him off.  Hogan takes the purse and smacks Zeus across the face with it.  A powerslam and a legdrop are then enough to finish off Zeus and give the faces the win.

Postmatch: The faces clear out the heels and cut off Sherri’s long ponytail.

BL: There are mixed emotions here.  There was not a whole lot of impressive action, but once again the crowd ate up every minute of it.  Things picked up at the end but not enough to save it.  Macho can only do so much when he’s thrown in there with the likes of Hogan, Beefcake and worst of all Zeus.  **

Final Thought: An extremely enjoyable show.  There were a handful of great matches and the rest were made better because of the super hot crowd.  Add in some funny moments like the Summerslam sign falling and Piper’s “eat a garage” promo and you have the recipe for a great PPV.  A fun show all around.

Next time…what’s Heenan doing in wrestling gear? And in the main event no less?  You’ll have to tune in to fine out.

Until then, thanks for stopping by the OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue
  

E-MAIL ADAM
BROWSE THE OOLD TYME ARCHIVES

Originally from Cleveland, Adam is now a graduate student at the University of Dayton who is looking to make a couple extra bucks writing this column. What do you mean Rick doesn't pay his columnists?

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