by Adam Gutschmidt
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

- Emanating from the Rosemont Horizon in Chicago, Illinois

- Your commentators are Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “the Body” Ventura

Before the show opens, some of the superstars say what they are thankful for.  Best of the bunch: Rick Rude – “I’m thankful for having the most ravishing body in the WWF *kiss*.”  Followed by Roddy Piper – “I’m thankful because I ain't Ricky Rude. *kiss*”

The Dream Team: Dusty Rhodes, Brutus “the Barber” Beefcake, Tito Santana and The Red Rooster vs. The Enforcers: The Big Bossman, Bad News Brown, Rick Martel and the Honky Tonk Man

The main issues here are between Dusty/Bossman and Santana/Martel.  Santana gets caught in a sneak attack by Honky and we’re underway.  After catching Santana with a high knee, Honky tags Martel.  Martel is in control until Santana blocks an atomic drop and hits one of his own.  Santana rolls Martel up for a 2 count.  Dusty and the Bossman both get tagged and Dusty starts clubberin the Bossman with some elbows.  A thumb to Beefcake’s eye by the Bossman allows the heels to control the action.  Beefcake tags out and now it’s the Rooster who’s in trouble.  The Rooster and Honky collide and both men are down.  Martel and Santana are back in and Santana is on Martel like brown on rice.  Martel rolls through Santana’s rollup, grabs his tights and pins him.  HEELS UP 4-3.  A shot of Sapphire cheering is shown, but this was when she was just a Dusty fan and not his valet.  The Rooster is back in and once again is dominated by the heels.  The Bossman tags Bad News and he’s reluctant to go in.  Not because he’s scared of the Rooster, just cuz he don’t want to.  Bad News holds the Rooster for the Bossman, but the Bossman accidentally hits Bad News.  Bad News is all “Why you gotta be like that?” and Bossman is saying, “It was an accident fo shizzle my nizzle.”  Bad News doesn’t take too kindly to that and heads back to the dressing room.  TIED UP 3-3.  The Bossman and Honky beat up on Beefcake until he surprises Honky with a high knee and pins him.  FACES UP 3-2.  Another lengthy beatdown as this time it’s Martel doing a number on Beefcake.  Martel tries pinning Beefcake with the help of the ropes but the referee sees him.  As Martel lets go, Beefcake grabs him and pins him for a 3 count.  FACES UP 3-1.  The Rooster tries to attack the Bossman with all he has but gets caught in a Bossman Slam and is eliminated.  FACES UP 2-1.  Dusty and Beefcake take turns beating up the Bossman until Dusty hits him with a crossbody and gets the 3 count.  Survivors: Dusty Rhodes and Brutus “the Barber” Beefcake

Postmatch: The Bossman attacks Dusty with the nightstick until Beefcake makes the save with his clippers.

Bottom Line: When midcarders attack!  This was all right, but half the match seemed to be the heels beating up on the Red Rooster.  I enjoy the Rooster getting beaten as much as the next guy, but even I have my limits.  No issues were really resolved here, so sadly we’ll have to put up with these feuds for a few more months.  ** ¼

- Mean Gene interviews the 4 x 4s.  So let’s see, Bret Hart brings the technical skills, Ronnie Garvin brings the experience and Hercules has the power, yet Hacksaw Jim Duggan is the team captain.  Go figure!  Well I guess he brings the weaponry, because we all know Duggan can’t go through a match without having his 2 x 4 factored into the finish somehow.

The King’s Court: “Macho King” Randy Savage, Greg “the Hammer” Valentine, Dino Bravo and Earthquake vs. The 4 x 4s: Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Rugged Ronnie Garvin, Hercules and Bret “the Hitman” Hart

For those wondering, the Hart Foundation was split up tonight because the WWF had visions all the way back then of having Bret become a singles wrestler and they wanted to test the waters.  Who knew that notion would turn out so well.  The 4 x 4s clear the ring with their wood.  Macho jaws with a fan so Duggan comes over, tosses him in the ring and has Hercules go to work on him.  Hercules slams Macho into his corner and he tags Valentine.  Garvin locks a sleeper on Valentine but he falls into his corner and tags Bravo.  The 4 x 4s are not doing a good job of cutting the ring in half.  Bravo reverses a Hercules whip and throws him into the corner.  Earthquake gets tagged in and quickly hits the Earthquake Splash to finish off Hercules.  HEELS UP 4-3.  Garvin tries his best against Earthquake but gets trapped in the heel corner.  Valentine tries the Figure Four on Garvin but gets shoved off and then rolled up for 2.  Garvin gets Bravo in a backslide for 2.  Why are the best workers from each team, Bret and Macho, hardly being used so far?  Very disappointing.  Garvin blindly tags Duggan who hits the 3 point stance clothesline on Valentine and pins him.  TIED UP 3-3.  Bravo nails Duggan from behind with a knee and the heels begin to work over him.  Earthquake misses an elbow which allows Duggan to tag Garvin.  Garvin hits the Garvin stomp on Bravo, much to my delight.  Bret and Macho are tagged in, which draws the first decent crowd response for this match.  After dominating Macho, Bret goes to work on Bravo and then tags Garvin.  Garvin comes right in and walks into a Bravo sideslam, which ends his night.  HEELS UP 3-2.  Bret and Duggan double-team Earthquake and then give Macho more of the same.  A small package by Bret on Macho gets 2.  A missed second rope elbow by Bret allows the heels to work him over.  Heel miscommunication enables Bret to tag Duggan.  Duggan does some minimal offense and then stupidly tags Bret back in before he had a chance to rest.  Bret misses a charge and rams his shoulder.  Macho is tagged and he hits the flying elbow to take out Bret.  HEELS UP 3-1.  Duggan initially does well and actually clears the ring of all three heels.    Duggan runs to the ropes but Sherri pulls it down causing Duggan to fall to the floor.  The referee is able to count to 10 before Duggan can make it back inside the ring.  Survivors: “Macho King” Randy Savage, Earthquake and Dino Bravo

Postmatch: Duggan clears the ring with his 2 x 4

BL: Come on, why can’t they just job out Duggan?  That was just sad.  As for the rest of the match, it was just a lot of punching and kicking.  Match was pretty heatless too except when Macho or Bret were involved.  * ¾

- Mean Gene gives us an injury report on Dusty Rhodes.  Evidently, he passed out after a severe loss of cellulite.  EMTs have him hooked up to a lard IV as we speak.

- The Genius delivers a Thanksgiving poem and says he’s the ambiance of Survivor Series.  Kind of like those fruity cornucopias people put in the center of their dinner table.

The Hulkamaniacs: Hulk Hogan, Jake “the Snake” Roberts, and Demolition vs. The Million Dollar Team: Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase, Zeus and the Powers of Pain

Hogan/Zeus and Jake/Dibiase had the issues, yet Hogan and Dibiase are the team captains.  Odd.  The heels won’t let the faces into the ring until Jake tosses Damian in there.  Zeus chokes Hogan in the opening minutes and ends up getting disqualified because he shoves down Earl Hebner, who was trying to stop him.  FACES UP 4-3.  Well, that’s one way to avoid exposing the dud known as Tiny Lister.  Dibiase now continues the assault on Hogan.  Hogan boots a charging Dibiase and then tags Jake.  Jake clotheslines Dibiase to the floor and then follows him out there.  Dibiase catches Ax with an elbow and finally tags Warlord after being in there for a long time.  Ax gets tripped by Fuji going off the ropes.  Warlord follows it up with an elbow and it’s all over for Ax.  TIED UP 3-3.  Smash tries to slam the Warlord but Warlord thumbs him.  Heels now beat down on Smash.  Smash nails Dibiase with a stungun, but he had already blindly tagged the Barbarian.  The Barbarian hits a top rope clothesline and Smash is eliminated.  HEELS UP 3-2.  Jake goes for the DDT on the Barbarian twice but can’t connect either time.  It’s now Jake’s turn to be the recipient of a heel beatdown.  Dibiase hits a piledriver on Jake and covers, but Jake gets his foot on the rope.  The Barbarian goes for a flying headbutt but misses.  Hogan gets the hot tag and takes on both Powers of Pain.  The referee gets distracted with Jake and Dibiase brawling on the floor and doesn’t see the Powers of Pain double-teaming.  He turns around to see them hit a spike piledriver on Hogan and he disqualifies both of them.  FACES UP 2-1.  Jesse is irate over this, claiming Hogan has paid off the referee.  He may be onto something here.  Dibiase slaps the Million Dollar Dream on Hogan.  Hogan’s hand is about to drop a third time, but Jake comes in and makes the save.  Dibiase comes off the second rope and gets nailed in the midsection by Hogan.  Hogan tags Jake who takes it to Dibiase.  As Jake goes for the DDT, Virgil comes from the back and distracts him.  Jake grabs Virgil and plants him with a DDT.  Dibiase though, immediately nails Jake with a fistdrop and then uses the ropes to help pin him.  TIED UP 1-1.  Dibiase now goes back to work on Hogan who’s still hurt from the earlier attack.  Hogan escapes a reverse chinlock, but then both men clothesline each other.  Dibiase hits a back suplex and Hogan pops up as if that’s his finisher or something.  You know the rest…big boot…legdrop…blah blah it’s over.  Survivor: Hulk Hogan

BL: Jesse’s comments about biased refereeing were truer than you think.  It’s pretty bad when 75% of a team is disqualified.  Rest was pretty boring as Demolition and the Powers of Pain never do anything of note and Jake and Dibiase were never in together for an extended period.  *

- Sean Mooney talks to Macho and Zeus purely to plug No Holds Barred: The Match/The Movie.  I’m surprised, I thought a pairing like that would sell itself.

- Mean Gene then gets Beefcake and Hogan’s rebuttal.  They yammer on until Sherri walks in, throws powder in their face and then has Macho and Zeus attack them.  Man, now I REALLY want to see that PPV!

- Sean Mooney gets thoughts from the Rude Brood.  They say nothing of interest but Rude’s tights are pretty sweet as the faces of his team are on the front with a heavenly sky background, while Roddy’s Rowdies are on the back with their heads on tombstones.

- Mean Gene chats with Roddy’s Rowdies, who eat a turkey while talking.  I guess Arkham let their inmates out for the holidays.

The Rude Brood: Ravishing Rick Rude, Mr. Perfect and The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers vs. Roddy’s Rowdies: Rowdy Roddy Piper, Superfly Jimmy Snuka, and The Bushwhackers

Conspicuous by his absence, Bobby Heenan is not with Rude.  This, after Jesse mentioned earlier that he heard there was dissension in the Heenan Family.  Perfect jumps Luke right away and beats him up.  Luke makes a tag to Butch who bites Perfect.  Then Piper and Snuka bite him too.  Didn’t they have their fill with that turkey earlier?  Perfect finally escapes and tags Jacques.  Big stall by Jacques, who then finally goes to work on Snuka.  Snuka comes back though and hits the Superfly Splash to eliminate Jacques.  FACES UP 4-3.  The Rude Brood is having all sorts of problems, as Snuka is able to take on both Rude and Perfect handily.  Now Piper is in there and taking it to Perfect.  Piper hits Perfect with an atomic drop, but sends him right to his corner where he tags Raymond.  A savant kick by Raymond gets 2 on Piper.  Piper comes back though, hits Raymond with a piledriver and he’s gone.  FACES UP 4-2.  Perfect is able to isolate Piper until he gets sent into the post from a Piper slingshot.  Butch bites Perfect again and then taunts for the fans.  But when he does that, Perfect rolls him up and sends him to the showers.  FACES UP 3-2.  Well at least Perfect got some payback for all that biting.  Piper tries surprising Perfect with a rollup but only gets 2.  Luke stupidly allows a worn down Perfect to tag Rude, but he was wise enough to catch Rude as he was coming in.  After putting his head down, Luke gets kicked by Rude.  Rude then quickly hits the Rude Awakening to finish him.  TIED UP 2-2.  Rude and Perfect now take turns beating up Snuka.  Jesse has a funny line about how Snuka only knows words like “it” and “and”.  Snuka catches Perfect in a small package but only for 2.  Perfect and Snuka collide and both men go down.  Once up, both men tag and Piper and Rude go at it.  They end up brawling to the floor and back to the dressing room causing both men to be counted out.  TIED UP 1-1.  Perfect dominates Snuka with some armdrags and a dropkick.  A suplex by Perfect gets 2.  Both men trade nearfalls.  Snuka hits a crossbody but Perfect rolls through it for 2.  Perfect catches Snuka with his head down and locks on the PerfectPlex for the win.  Survivor: Mr. Perfect

BL: A surprisingly solid match.  I liked the story this match told as it was the first tonight that didn’t have faces and heels evenly swap elimination.  The faces got a huge lead, but then the remaining heels hung on and Perfect survived.  Perfect was certainly the star tonight as he bumped like crazy and then still got the win.  ***

- Sean Mooney tries asking Rude about Heenan’s whereabouts, but he would rather celebrate with his teammates.  And the plot thickens…

- The Ultimate Warrior freaks me out yet again as he seems to take a lot of pleasure out of stroking Jim Neidhart’s goatee.  Then I get a chuckle out of seeing Shawn Michael’s head fit into the Warrior’s arm when he flexes. 

The Ultimate Warriors: The Ultimate Warrior, Jim “the Anvil” Neidhart and The Rockers vs. The Heenan Family: Andre the Giant, Haku, Arn Anderson and Bobby “the Brain” Heenan

In real life, Tully Blanchard was fired shortly before the event so Heenan is a last minute substitute.  Action begins before the Warrior even makes it to the ring as Andre cleans house.  As the Warrior runs down to the ring, the bell sounds and Warrior clotheslines Andre to the floor.  Andre, knocked silly, can’t make it back in before the 10 count.  FACES UP 4-3.  Neidhart gets some shots on both Arn and Haku.  Tide turns though as Neidhart gets caught in the heel corner.  Haku catches Neidhart with a kick to the back of the head and he’s done.  TIED UP 3-3.  The Rockers now double-team Haku.  The Warrior is back in now and takes it to Haku as well.  Haku drags the Warrior over to his corner and looks for a tag, so Heenan points to Arn.  Ha Ha!  Janetty misses a charge in the corner.  Haku tags Heenan who gets one shot in on Janetty.  When Janetty gets up, Heenan quickly tags Haku again.  As Janetty goes off the ropes, Arn kicks him from the apron.  Heenan comes back in, stomps Janetty a few times and then actually pins him!  HEELS UP 3-2.  Janetty will probably do twice the amount of blow he normally does after this humiliating defeat.  The Warrior locks Arn in a bearhug, so Arn rakes the Warrior’s eyes to escape.  Haku comes in and the Warrior locks him in a bearhug.  What a loveable guy that Warrior is.  Warrior launches Shawn from the top rope onto Arn and gets a 2 count.  Haku misses a crossbody from the second rope.  Shawn does hit a crossbody and pins Haku.  TIED UP 2-2.  Arn tosses Shawn to the floor and Heenan contemplates doing a move from the top but then decides not to.  Arn gets upset with Heenan when he wouldn’t tag him.  Double KO spot as Arn and Shawn collide in the middle of the ring.  Arn catches Shawn coming off the ropes and plants him with a spinebuster to finish him.  HEELS UP 2-1.  Arn gains the advantage on the Warrior by throwing him to the floor when he was going for a shouldertackle.  Back in, Warrior throws Arn into Heenan, knocking the Brain to the floor.  A big splash later and Arn is gone.  Heenan unaware that Arn has been pinned yells at him to come back.  Warrior then has some fun, beats up poor Bobby and ends it.  Survivor: The Ultimate Warrior

BL: Chalk it up as entertaining fluff.  It was fun to see the Heenan Family struggle to survive throughout the entire match and see Heenan ultimately get his.  Give Arn and Haku credit for doing the work of 4 men.  Not your typical main event but it sends the kiddies home happy.  **

- For note, if they would have done the Grand Finale Match of Survival like they did in 1990, it would have been Hulk Hogan, the Ultimate Warrior, Brutus “the Barber” Beefcake and Dusty Rhodes vs. Macho King Randy Savage, Mr. Perfect, Dino Bravo and Earthquake.  They could have had Macho ultimately win to maybe put some more heat on that No Holds Barred match or have Perfect win and create a new main event heel, but that would require Hogan jobbing so I guess that’s out of the question.

Final Thought: This was an interesting PPV.  There were some entertaining moments, but there wasn’t much substance to the show as a whole.  There was hardly any storyline advancement and no standout workrate matches.  A complete throwaway show but one that you’ll just have a fun time watching.

Next time, the Genius has a match?  On pay-per-view?  Oh this I got to see.

Until then, thanks for stopping by the OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue .
  

E-MAIL ADAM
BROWSE THE OOLD TYME ARCHIVES

Originally from Cleveland, Adam is now a graduate student at the University of Dayton who is looking to make a couple extra bucks writing this column. What do you mean Rick doesn't pay his columnists?

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