by Adam Gutschmidt
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Before we begin, it’s time to introduce a new segment; the Rasslin Revue Remark.  Each week I’ll try posting a comment from readers who were nice enough to take the time and write to me about my musings.  This week’s remark comes from Scumdog42 who talks about Demolition.  He says, “I remember that in the week leading up to the show, the announcers would be talking about how hard it was to tell the three of them apart, although apparently they had no trouble telling Ax and Smash apart for the two years before that.

Also, a few months after this, they started wearing masks...”

It certainly was not a very good angle.  Good thing they never tried the “we can’t tell the difference between members of a tag team who wears bondage masks” again.  Oh wait…

OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue for WWF Survivor Series 1990

Your commentators tonight are Gorilla Monsoon and Roddy “Go see Hell Comes to Frogtown” Piper

Emanating from the Civic Center in Hartford, Connecticut

Opening Match:  The Perfect Team: Mr. Perfect and Demolition vs. The Warriors: The Ultimate Warrior, Texas Tornado and the Legion of Doom

Prematch note: An entire petting zoo’s worth of animals was killed in order to come up with the amount of face paint needed for this match.  Speaking of animals, the one on Legion of Doom charges Smash to kick things off.  Animal sends Smash over to the face corner so that he can be welcomed to Survivor Series properly.  Smash gets on offense when Animal puts his head down.  Suplex by Smash gets 2.  Smash’s teammates now return the favor and give Animal a proper greeting.  Perfect in now who gets a few licks in before tagging Smash in again.  Animal comes roaring back with a powerslam.  Perfect comes in, followed by all the faces and we got CHAOS!  Things settle down and Animal tags Texas Tornado.  Tornado concentrates so hard on punching Smash that he doesn’t realize that he’s punched him into the heel corner.  Smash tags in Ax.  Ax immediately gets caught in the Dreaded Palmhold.  Crush makes the save for Ax.  Warrior gets tagged in.  He does his 30-second squash set and sends Ax to the showers.  FACES UP 4-3.  

The rest of the Perfect team comes in and tries to attack the Raving Lunatic but he fights them all off.  Finally, Crush hits him with a clothesline.  Demos then do some nice double-team work on Warrior.  Crush whips Warrior but gets a face full of tassels when he charges.  He NEVER completes that sequence.  Warrior tags Hawk and Crush tags Perfect.  Hawk begins tossing Perfect around like a rag doll.  As usual, Perfect’s bumping makes his opponent, even Hawk, look amazing.  Hawk whips Perfect but rams his own shoulder into the post when he charges.  Crush in now and he hits Hawk with a BACKbreaker?!?  He’s got the shoulder hurt from the post, so you attack the spine.  Brilliant Pineapplehead!  Some quick tags by the heels now.  Hawk comes back with a SHOULDER tackle on Smash.  (The same shoulder he rammed into the post mind you)  Hawk neglects to tag and continues the attack on Smash.  He goes up top and nails Smash with a clothesline.  Hawk pins Smash but Crush comes in and breaks it up.  Now Animal joins the fray.  LOD and Demos brawl.  Somewhere in there, Hawk and Smash both shove the ref so he DQs all 4 men.  That decision made no sense.  Not only is it an illogical call based on the rules but also it was a futile call booking wise because it prolonged that feud that never got a blowoff.  FACES UP 2-1.  

Warrior and Perfect in now but Perfect says he wants Texas Tornado. (Sidenote: Tornado was still called the IC champ despite Mr. P winning it from him on a TV taping a few weeks before this event)  Warrior grants Perfect’s wish and tags in Tornado.  As Texas enters, Perfect immediately jumps him.  No wonder he’s called Perfect, that was BRILLIANT.  The Pearl Harbor attack doesn’t last long as Tornado fires back.  Clothesline sends Perfect to the floor.  He needs a TO.  Warrior won’t grant it though as he comes around and gives a double noggin’ knocker to Perfect and The Brain.  Tornado suffers the same fate Hawk did earlier as he gets his shoulder rammed in the post when he charges Perfect.  Perfect capitalizes on this and works away on Tornado.  Perfect rams Texas’ head into the corned which somehow had it’s turnbuckle pad taken off.  That’s enough to soften Tornado up for the Perfectplex and finish him off.  TIED UP 1-1.  

Warrior goes for a splash in the corner but he misses.  Perfect goes immediately for the Perfectplex but Warrior kicks out!  Heenan’s pissed off about that.  Perfect continues to kick away on the Warrior.  Dropkick by Perfect gets 2.  Bobby says, “You got him!”  BIG clothesline by Perfect gets 2 again.  (Sidenote: As I see Warrior dazed on the bottom rope, I notice in the background that Shane McMahon is YOUR floor referee.)  Warrior starts to do the pee-pee dance, which gets him fired up.  He then does his 30-second squash set and finishes off Perfect.  Survivor: The Ultimate Warrior

Bottom Line: Well there was mostly punchy kicky moves in there.  The way they dealt with the LOD & Demos was lame.  Got the crowd hot though.  * ¾

- Sean Mooney interviews The Million Dollar Team sans mystery partner.  Dibiase feels confident about his team including his mystery partner who he says was money well spent.  This time I think we can “bank on it”!

The Dream Team: Dusty Rhodes, Koko B. Ware, and the Hart Foundation vs. The Million Dollar Team: Ted Dibiase, Rhythm and Blues, and a mystery partner.

It’s History Time!  Dibiase announces the mystery partner to be The Undertaker who makes his debut here.  His entrance is friggin’ awesome.  The audience is stunned silent.  Feelings of fear and amazement sweep through them as evident by the close-ups of the crowd.  The Dream Team members have all crapped their pants at this point.  Bret, being the least fearful of the four, decides to try his luck against the Taker.  UT hammers away on him and then catches him with a chokeslam.  Taker continues the choke part even after Bret hits the mat.  NICE!  Bret tags the Anvil.  Anvil tries a shoulder tackle but gets slammed.  Koko is tagged in now.  The Birdman charges but gets dropped onto the top rope.  UT hits the tombstone and it’s a quick night for Koko.  Gorilla calls it a tombstone despite never seeing him before.  HEELS UP 4-3.  

Bret back in and gets a few token punches on the Deadman.  This motivates him to tag Greg Valentine.  Bret tags Dusty.  Chopfest is won by Dusty.  Quick tags now by the faces.  Bret whips Valentine and charges.  Valentine gets his knee up to stop Bret cold.  The Hammer tags Honky.  Honky kicks away on Bret.  While Honky jaws to the crowd, Bret blindly tags Anvil.  Honky whips Bret, Bret reverses it, and Honky gets caught in a big Anvil powerslam.  That ends Honky’s evening.  TIED UP 3-3.  

Dibiase in now.  Anvil hits a clothesline and powerslam on Million and immediately tags Dusty.  Dusty gets a 10-elbow count on Dibiase and follows it up with a dropkick!  They must have really reinforced that ring tonight.  Dusty tags Anvil.  Suplex by Anvil gets 2.  Anvil goes off the ropes and Virgil grabs his leg.  This distraction is enough for Ted to get up and deliver a clothesline.  That’s surprisingly enough to get the 3 count on Anvil.  HEELS UP 3-2.  

Bret back in now.  He punches away on Million then tags Dusty.  Dusty starts off hot but Dibiase rakes the eyes and clotheslines him.  Million tags in Undertaker.  Oh boy, is Dusty going to get it now!  Damn, UT can only get a few kicks in before Dusty tags Bret.  Taker brings Bret over to the heel corner and tags Valentine.  A quick tag follows that to Dibiase.  Bret nails Ted and tags Dusty back in.  Dusty, like an idiot, allows Million to get into his corner and tag Undertaker.  UT whips Dusty to the ropes and I’m forced to see Dusty’s man-boobs jiggle.  Ewww!  UT goes up top and hits Dusty with a double axe handle.  That’s all she wrote for the American Blob.  HEELS UP 3-1.  

Valentine and Bret in there now.  On the outside, Brother Love (Undertaker’s original manager) gets some kicks in on Dusty.  Dusty gets up and starts to chase Brother Love.  Taker follows them and continues to pummel on Dusty.  Ref calls for a count out on Undertaker.  OK, I understand you don’t want him going over in his first match but could the bookers at least make him the LEGAL MAN if they are going to have him counted out??  HEELS UP 2-1.  

Back in the ring, the Hammer continues the attack on Bret.  Valentine goes for the figure four leglock but gets rolled up into a small package for the 3 count.  TIED UP 1-1.  

Well that evened the sides real quick.  Dibiase in, but a reverse atomic drop by Bret sends him right back out.  Bret launches himself over the top rope onto Dibiase.  Bret posts Million and then rams him into the steps.  Bret continues the offense back in the ring.  Ted reverses a Hart whip and Bret does his trademark chest first bump into the corner.  That gets Million a 2 count.  Backslide by Bret gets 2.  Bret “trips” over Dibiase and “blows out his knee”.  Ted gloats about this while Bret sneaks up behind him and rolls him up for a 2 count.  Man, I hated when Bret did that cheap stuff.  Virgil, on the apron, grabs Bret.  Million charges but nails Virg instead.  Bret rolls him up for 2.  Dibiase whips Bret.  Bret goes for a crossbody, which Dibiase rolls through and gets the pin.  Afterwards Bret drops the F-bomb on camera.  As a young boy, I was very disappointed with him for doing that.

BL: Well the bookends of this match were fantastic with the middle being a little slow.  UT’s dominance at the start was the kickoff to a decade of destruction, while the Bret/Dibiase sequence at the end was a great preview of Bret’s singles career.  *** ½  (Probably the only 3+ star match that Dusty was involved in, in his WWF tenure.)

- Mean Gene interviews The Vipers in the shower.  Don’t ask.

The Visionaries: Rick “the Model” Martel, the Warlord, and Power & Glory vs. Jake “the Snake” Roberts, “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka, and the Rockers

Lead up to this match is that Martel sprayed Arrogance in Jake’s eyes on the Brother Love show and “blinded” him.  Now Jake wants revenge!  Warlord and Janetty start off.  Janetty’s speed befuddles the Warlord early on.  Warlord is able to brush off a few dropkicks though.  Marty evades the Warlord’s punches and decides to attack the other 3 opponents instead.  Janetty tags in Shawn Michaels.  The two of them are able to get Warlord in a sunset flip but only for 2.  Warlord tags Martel.  Michaels and Martel do a great little sequence that ends in Rick getting monkey flipped.  Michaels tags Jake and the Model QUICKLY bails.  Roma in now.  Jake works Romeo’s arm.  Roberts tags Snuka.  He gives a jungle chant that frightens Roma into tagging Hercules.  Superfly dominates Hercules so he tags the Warlord.  Warlord powerslams Snuka.  Snuka tags Janetty.  Warlord slaps a bearhug on Marty.  Janetty rings his bell to escape.  Janetty goes up top and hits an axe handle.  A second one is costly though as Warlord catches him and hits a powerslam.  That’s it for Marty.  HEELS UP 4-3.  

Slick says, “Turn out the lights, the party’s over, FOR ONE!”  I love the Jive Soul Bro.  Michaels back in now.  Shawn hits a hurricarana on the Warlord.  Michaels tags the Snake.  It’s all Jake on offense.  He finally drops Warlord with a clothesline.  Both men tag out.  Michaels and Roma battle now.  Roma softens up Shawn and then tags in the Warlord.  Heels begin to work over Shawn’s back.  Martel whips Shawn to the corner but rams HIS shoulder into the post when he misses a charge.  Hot tag to Snuka.  Snuka is a house of fire against Martel.  Snuka goes for a high crossbody but Martel rolls through it, grabs the tights and pins the Superfly.  HEELS UP 4-2.  

Jake comes in and traps the Model.  Martel uses Jake’s blindness to his advantage as he escapes and tags Hercules.  Roberts hits a high knee and calls for the DDT.  Herc bails in a hurry.  Jake needs to stop signaling.  All it does is give his opponents a chance to react.  Jake punches away on Hercules but Martel nails the Snake with a clothesline from the outside.  I guess you could say he “blindsided” him.  Ha Ha Ha!  Roma comes in and stomps away on poor Jake.  Romeo misses up top allowing Jake to make the hot tag to Michaels.  Shawn hits a reverse atomic drop on Roma, which launches him into his teammates.  Roma makes a blind tag to Hercules.  Hercules nails Shawn with an elbow and bodyslam.  Herc tags Roma and they hit the Powerplex to finish off Shawn.  Damn, that finisher ROCKS.  HEELS UP 4-1.  

As the odds grow against Jake, the crowd responds with a Jake chant.  Warlord hits a bearhug on Jake.  Thumb to the Warlord’s eye frees him.  Out of nowhere, Jake hits the DDT.  Roddy goes nuts!  Damn, I miss the days when the DDT meant something.  I tell you, when I first starting watching then, I would see something like this and notice how the DDT would put a big man like the Warlord OUT COLD.  That made an impact.  Anyway, as Jake covers, Martel runs in and tries to spray Jake’s eyes again but misses.  Jake runs and gets Damian.  Jake chases Rick Martel with Damian all the way to the locker room and Jake gets counted out.  WHOA, wait a second.  How come Martel didn’t get counted out too, like the Undertaker did in the last match, since neither were the legal man.  See, it’s these little things that tick me off.  Survivors: The Visionaries

History note: This marked the first time in Survivor Series history that an entire team survived.

BL: Well looking at who survived, it isn’t very impressive.  Depending on who was in the ring, we got glimpses of decency.  Match never really clicked though.  * ¼

- Sean Mooney talks with The Hulkamaniacs.  Hulk says he’s assembled the baddest team of Hulkamaniacs he could find.  I think he and I are using different uses of the word bad.    

The Natural Disasters: Earthquake, Dino Bravo, Haku and The Barbarian vs. The Hulkamaniacs: Hulk Hogan, Tugboat, Big Bossman and “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan

Haku and Hacksaw start with Duggan getting the early advantage.  A missed elbow by Duggan allows the heels to take over.  Haku elbows Duggan into his teammates and he tags in the Bossman.  Big Boss Man with REAL RAPID PUNCHING ACTION (Ring sold separately) on Haku.  Bossman no-sells a Haku dropkick and nails him with the Bossman slam to end Haku’s night.  FACES UP 4-3.  

Bossman foolishly runs over to the heel corner and gets jumped.  Barbarian now in and he doesn’t fare well with the Bossman either.  Heenan gets up on the apron as a distraction but gets posted by the Bossman.  This gives the Barbarian a chance to go on the offensive.  Bossman is able to make a tag to Duggan.  Quake comes in for the Natural Disasters.  Duggan tries to clothesline Earthquake off his feet.  Duggan going off the ropes is dropped to the floor when Jimmy Hart pulls down the top rope.  Duggan chases Hart with the 2 x 4 and ends up nailing Earthquake with it out of frustration.  Referee calls for the disqualification on Duggan.  What a role model for our country!  TIED UP 3-3.  

Now that Quake is down and out from the 2 x 4, Hulk comes in.  Dino and the Barbarian come in and try to help but get powerslammed for their troubles.  Hulk rakes Quake’s eyes and manages to slam him too.  Hulk goes for a 10-punch count but Quake grabs him and powerslams him.  Dino is tagged in and he puts the boots to Hogan.  Bravo goes to get praise from his teammates.  When he comes back, Hogan wraps him up in a small package for the 3 count.  Hulk adds a new move to his arsenal?!  Now there’s something to be thankful for.  FACES UP 3-2.  

Quake and the Bossman are tagged in.  Quake tries to slam the Bossman but Hulk comes in and shoves Bossman on top of Quake.  That gets a 2 count.  Bossman, off the ropes, gets kicked in the head by the Barbarian.  Quake drops a couple of elbows on the Bossman and finishes him off.  TIED UP 2-2.  

Hogan back in now and attacks both Quake and Barby.  Hulks tries to powerslam Quake again but Quake punches him.  A 3^rd attempt in costly as Quake falls on top of him and gets a 2 count.  Quake misses a splash and Hulk crawls over and tags Tugboat.  This is the first time Tugboat has been in the match and rightfully so.  He sucks!  Tugboat lands a shouldertackle on Quake that barely moves him.  Hulk pulls Quake to the outside and Tugboat follows them.  Tugboat and Quake brawl on the floor and both get counted out.  Well I’m glad to see the bookers only gave Ottman 30 seconds of action.  Yet another thing to be thankful for!  TIED UP 1-1.  

Hulk still dazed from Quake’s attack is left to feel Barbarian’s wrath.  Barbarian, with some s l o w offense on Hulk, culminating in a big clothesline off the top rope.  Barbarian covers but WE GOT a POP up from Hogan.  I’m sure you know the rest.  Hogan wins.  Yay!  Survivor: Hulk Hogan

Postmatch, Hogan beats up the Brain.  Poor Bobby has not had a good night.

BL: Well considering the lineup in this match, it wasn’t that bad.  They kept it relatively short and kept the losers to limited roles.  **

- We get to hear thoughts from the local yokels.  At least they had the guts to put one person who didn’t root for Hogan or Warrior in this clip.

- Mean Gene interviews Macho Man.  I believe in the original broadcast this happened earlier in the night.  Regardless, this is here to give Macho some time to verbally run down the Warrior here since he wasn’t booked in a match tonight, something I’m NOT thankful for.

The Alliance: Nikolai Volkoff, Tito Santana, and the Bushwackers vs. The Mercenaries: Sgt. Slaughter, Boris Zukoff, and the Orient Express

Prematch notes:  I guess the term “Alliance” has always meant a group of losers when it comes to the WWF.  The Mercenaries team has their faces pained in camouflage.  Mean Gene interviews Sgt. Slaughter in the aisle for what seems like forever.  This match certainly has an international flavor.  Sarge represent Iraq, Zukoff is with Russia, the Orient Express come from…well the Orient, Tito hails from Mexico, and the Bushwackers are New Zealanders.  Wow, those are some fine representatives.  The U.S. doesn’t have an inferiority complex.  No siree!  And before anyone says, “Well the US was represent by Nikolai,” I’ll tell you that no matter what flag he waves, he’ll always be a Commie!  Now while I write this commentary on Vince McMahon’s views on foreign countries, I notice that Boris Zukoff and the Orient Express have ALL been eliminated already.  Zukoff and Sato by Santana flying forearms and Tanaka by a Bushwacker battering ram.  FACES UP 4-1.  

Slaughter, now all by himself, battles Nikolai.  Sarge slowly squashes Nikolai and finishes him off.  FACES UP 3-1.  

Slaughter picks up the pace a bit and vanquishes both Bushwackers pretty fast.  TIED UP 1-1.  

I would credit the fast pinfalls to time constraints usually.  But here, I think it’s just a situation where everyone sucks and they don’t want them out there for long.  It’s down to Tito and Slaughter.  Santana blasts Sarge with a dropkick.  Santana continues on offense until he misses a monkey flip.  Tito gets Sarge in a headlock but Slaughter shoves him off and into the referee.  Santana hits the flying forearm and both men are down.  Gen. Adnan comes in and barely gives Tito a love tap with his flagpole.  Tito sells it like Dusty just stood on his back.  Slaughter comes over and hits the camel clutch.  Ref says it’s over and Sarge thinks he’s won.  But no, ref saw the flag shot and gives Tito the DQ victory.  Crowd and Roddy go nuts while Slaughter and Adnan are SHOCKED!  Survivor: Tito Santana

BL: Well call me a sucker but I always love that finish and Slaughter’s exasperated look when he realized he lost.  The rest of the match though sucked my left nut.  ½ *

- Sean Mooney interviews The Visionaries and Million Dollar Man.  They feel very confident and believe Fake n’ Bake and The Raving Lunatic can’t coexist.

- Oh God!  Now it’s time for a guilty pleasure for a select few and an absolute abomination for the rest of the world.  No, I’m not talking about drinking a Corona with a lime.  Rather, I’m referring to the Gobbledy Gooker.  There had been much hype leading up to this as to what would hatch from this egg.  What we got was this turkey/San Diego Chicken hybrid.  When it first emerges, it’s incredible at the amount of boos this thing gets.  It only gets worse as the Gooker leads Mean Gene into the ring and they dance to “Turkey in the Straw”.  Gorilla and Piper sell this thing as if it’s the second coming of Ronald McDonald.  Fans don’t buy it and let Vince know it.  McMahon took this proverbial swift kick in the head and only had the Gooker appear a few more times before removing him from our TV sets for good.  If memory serves, I actually think one of the few vignettes was done with *GROAN* Tugboat.  “By our powers combined, we are Captain Wrestlecrap!”

- Sean Mooney interviews Hogan, Warrior and Tito.  Mooney says to Hulk, “YOUR team of 3 vs. their team of 5.”  Gag me!

Grand Finale Match of Survival: Hulk Hogan, The Ultimate Warrior and Tito Santana vs. Ted Dibiase, Rick Martel, The Warlord and Power & Glory

Bell rings and Tito immediately cracks Warlord with a flying forearm to eliminate him.  HEELS UP 4-3.  

Roma comes in and lays the boots to Tito.  Dibiase in now and he goes to work.  Tito comes back and tries the flying forearm again but Million ducks out of the way.  Tito went to the burrito stand once too often there.  Dibiase hotshots Santana and pins him.  HEELS UP 4-2.  

Hogan in now.  Hogan comes in strong but when he puts his head down Dibiase kicks him.  Now the heels make quick tags and work over Hulk.  After a couple of minutes of beatdown , Power and Glory hit the Powerplex on Hulk.  Ref counts but WE GOT a POP up.  Hulk immediately clotheslines Paul Roman and gets the 3 count.  HEELS UP 3-2.  

Martel runs and tries to attack Hogan.  Hulk escapes and tags the Warrior.  Warrior and Hogan completely squash Martel.  The Model bails before he can get pinned and gets counted out instead.  Dibiase is pissed about that since he paid his teammates good money to win!  TIED UP 2-2.  

Million comes back in and gets no offense.  Hogan gets the Big Boot and the Devastating Legdrop to stick a fork in him.  FACES UP 2-1.  

Just as I finish writing that, Warrior has come in, done his 30 second squash set and ends Hercules’ night and the match.  Final Survivors: Hulk Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior.

Postmatch, Hulk and Warrior have a lovefest.

BL: The match was booked to perfection with the most fatigued guys (Tito and Warlord) getting out first, Martel bailing and the 2 biggest stars of the time going over.  Match quality was nonexistent though.  *

Final thoughts:  Well the Million team vs. Dusty team with Taker’s debut is something to see.  The rest of the matches are pretty forgettable.  The Grand Finale match was unique and fun.  I had hoped it would continue for future years but alas this was its lone appearance.  Speaking of lone appearances, only masochists will rent this to see the Gobbledy Gooker debut.

Next time, send the women and children to bed as Sensational Sherri tries to give the Ultimate Blowjob.

Until then, thanks for stopping by the OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue      
  

E-MAIL ADAM
BROWSE THE OOLD TYME ARCHIVES

Originally from Cleveland, Adam is now a graduate student at the University of Dayton who is looking to make a couple extra bucks writing this column. What do you mean Rick doesn't pay his columnists?

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