by Adam Gutschmidt
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

To kick things off today the Rasslin Revue Remark this week has a comment AND a question.  Double your pleasure, double your fun!

NParvini sent me these thoughts: 

I noticed you mentioned that LOD were the first to hold the tag-titles in WWF and in the NWA but if I'm not mistaken The Brainbusters did the same thing only a year or so earlier under Heenan.

My final point is a question, or actually, a string of them: How did Dibiase win the Million Dollar Belt back? Why after this was he de-pushed into a mid-level tag-title run and lumbered with the no hoper IRS?

In regards to the tag title correction, you are right.  I made a glaring error in forgetting about the Brainbusters.  I guess I’ve made my one mistake for 2004.

In regards to Dibiase…I’m just speculating but it was a combination of variables that led him to becoming part of Money Inc.  1) The tag team division was in need of some new teams with the Hart Foundation and Demolition recently disbanding.  2) IRS wasn’t getting over on his own so I’m sure they felt he would get more heat being paired with Dibiase.  3) Dibiase was nearing the end of his career so I’m sure tag team work was easier on him than being a singles wrestler.  Having said that I would have loved to see him get one more big singles push.

As far as your other question, why I believe I address it in this week’s review.  What a co-inky-dink!! 

OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue for WWF Survivor Series 1991

- Emanating from the Joe Louis Arena on the mean streets of Detroit, Michigan

- Your commentators are Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby “the Brain” Heenan

- Show opens with highlights from the infamous Macho/Jake Roberts incident where Jake had a snake bite Macho’s arm.  CRIKEYS!  We then get a “devenomized” Jack Tunney, who announces that Randy Savage is reinstated and will fight Roberts at This Tuesday in Texas on Pay Per View.  I hope that everyone heard this announcement because I’m sure they won’t talk about it again tonight.

Ted Dibiase, The Warlord, The Mountie and Ric Flair vs. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, Bret “Hitman” Hart, Virgil and The British Bulldog

Prematch notes: Dibiase, once again, has the Million Dollar Belt as Repo Man repossessed it from Virgil a few weeks before.  Also, Ric Flair’s WCW title was now being blurred out for storyline purposes on TV.  Too bad they blur out a WWF tag title belt on this show, as Flair didn’t have the WCW title anymore.  We get Piper and Dibiase to start off.  Piper starts off hot by crotching Dibiase on the top rope.  Sherri gets dragged into the ring by Piper.  She tries to put a sleeper on him but he reverses it with a big kiss.  Sherri heads to the locker room after that traumatic experience.  Piper works on Dibiase’s arm and then tags the Bulldog.  All the faces take turns on Dibiase’s arm.  Dibiase works Bret into the corner and then audibly tells him the next move.  That next move being a whip reversal followed by a missed knee charge by Bret.  Nice pinning sequence by Hart and Dibiase.  Hiptoss by Dibiase allows him to tag Flair.  Flair misses an elbow and Hart tags the Bulldog.  Slingshot by Bulldog causes Flair to FLOP.  Piper in now and chops Flair to the floor.  Flair crawls back inside and tags the Warlord.  Piper tags the Bulldog.  Gee, haven’t seen this matchup before.  They do the same sequence here that they did at Wrestlemania and Summerslam along with every other show in between.  Warlord even gets bored with the same old stuff so he tags the Mountie.  He doesn’t stay in long when Bulldog tags Bret.  Bret teases the Trademark 5 on Dibiase but doesn’t complete the set.  Both men collide and then tag out.  Bulldog back in and he’s taking on all 4 heels.  Bulldog hits the running powerslam on the Mountie and covers.  Heels make the save.  As the ref restores order, Flair hits a top rope ax handle on the Bulldog and gets the 3 count.  HEELS UP 4-3.  Piper gets a figure four on Flair but Dibiase comes in to break the hold.  Heels work on Piper’s leg.  Hot tag made to Virgil.  Virgil cleans house with Mountie.  Mountie looks for a tag but none of the heels want in.  WTF??  They’re scared of Virgil?  I’ve seen more intimidating people at the Betty Crocker Cook-off.  Finally, Flair tags him because he is the MAN.  Virgil holds his own with Flair.  Finally, Dibiase and Virgil square off.  That doesn’t last long before Warlord is tagged in.  Warlord puts a hurtin to Virgil.  Warlord gets Virgil in the full nelson.  Bret nails Warlord from behind.  Piper covers the Warlord and gets the pin.  TIED UP 3-3.  Piper tries rolling up Dibiase but that gets a 2 count.  Virgil gets the Million Dollar Dream on Dibiase but Ted breaks free.  Flair comes in and chops the black off Virgil.  Mountie is tagged in as Gorilla makes some odd homosexual reference when talking about Mountie and his night in jail.  More technical action ensues until all 6 remaining guys brawl in the ring.  Ref tells Katie to bar the door.  Piper whips Flair who flops all the way to the floor.  The rest of the gang still brawl it out so the ref DQs the whole lot of them.  Since Flair was on the outside at the time, he is YOUR woooo sole survivor.  Survivor: Ric Flair

Bottom Line: This was a wrestling clinic.  The teams were perfectly matched and worked great with each other.  Flair was booked great as he got the only pin for the heels and was the sole survivor yet got his butt kicked during the match.  Cheap but effective heat gainer.  Speaking of cheap, that’s what the ending was but they had to something to end it.  *** ¾

- Mean Gene holds an on-the-floor interview with the newly reinstated Macho Man.  He basically does the hard sell for his match against Jake Roberts at This Tuesday in Texas.  Big filler here but they needed something to pop the crowd after Flair’s big win.

Sgt. Slaughter, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, El Matador and Texas Tornado vs. Col. Mustafa, The Berzerker, Skinner and Hercules

Well a team composing of these faces is a cynic’s dream and a viewer’s nightmare.  You know all 8 of these men competed for title of World’s Ugliest Man, yet somehow they all lost to Greg Valentine.  Tito and Skinner start things off.  Santana hits a flying forearm that sends Skinner to the floor.  Santana tries a second one but misses.  Tornado is tagged in and he pounds away on the Berzerker.  Tornado gets trapped in the heel corner and gets beatdown.  Duggan gets a tag and he too gets beatdown in the heel corner.  College quiz bowl contestants they aren’t.  Mustafa comes in and puts on a chinlock.  Yay!  Mustafa uses the Adnan backrake and Duggan is in trouble.  Duggan finally makes his way over to his corner and tags Slaughter.  Sarge hits an atomic drop and a clothesline on Mustafa to end his night.  FACES UP 4-3.  Berzerker, in now, gives Slaughter some rough turnbuckle treatment.  Sarge comes back and kicks Berzerker in the leg, which cause Berzerker to fall and do the splits.  YEOWCH!  Tornado comes in and punches everything in sight.  Tornado gets trapped again in the heel corner and Hercules comes in.  Tornado blows a leapfrog spot and quickly tags Tito.  Tornado thinks about getting a gun but decides to finish the match instead.  An Old El Paso from Tito finishes Hercules off.  FACES UP 4-2.  Skinner and Berzerker make quick tags and work over Santana.  Skinner goes for an atomic drop but Santana tags Slaughter in the process.  Sarge comes from behind and rolls up Skinner for the 3 count.  FACES UP 4-1.  Slaughter works over Berzerker and then Duggan hits his three-point stance clothesline to pick up the win for the faces.  Survivors: Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Sgt. Slaughter, El Matador and Texas Tornado

BL: I thought it was embarrassing when the Visionaries had all members survive but this takes the cake.  I knew going in I wasn’t getting much from this match and I got even less than that.  I said before that they needed to end the opener so they could get to the other matches.  I was wrong.  They could have gone all night as long as it would have prevented me from seeing sh*t like this.  ½* because Hacksaw won without using his 2 x 4.

- We get a Coliseum Video exclusive of Duggan’s team after the victory.  It is “extras” like this that make me tape the shows right off the Pay-Per-View.

- Oh give me a break!  Mean Gene is back on the arena floor.  This time it is to interview Jake Roberts.  No surprise here, he shills his PPV match for This Tuesday in Texas.  When is the PPV?  It’s this Tuesday.  And where will it be held?  In Texas.  Yes, but WHEN is this PPV?  This Tuesday.  I see.

- Video recap of The Gravest Challenge, which includes the historic first TV encounter between Hogan and Flair.

WWF Championship Match: Hulk Hogan (champ) vs. The Undertaker

Now this is what you call a push.  One year ago at Survivor Series, Undertaker debuted and now he’s battling for the title.  Shove by Taker to start.  Shouldertackle by Taker and Hogan is already bailing.  Hogan, back in, tries for a lockup but Taker just chokes him.  Taker and Paul Bearer both do their share of choking Hogan.  Taker hits a powerslam but misses an elbow.  Hogan tries to mount a comeback but is halted when he tries to slam the Undertaker.  Hogan keeps after him and ends up clotheslining him to the floor.  More choking ensues on the inside.  Why do I not see the pace picking up anytime soon?  Hogan tries to knock down Taker with a shouldertackle but Taker sets his ass right back down with a flying clothesline.  Taker hits the Tombstone but WE GOT a POP up before Taker can even pin him.  We get the typical Hogan comeback, which finally drops the Taker.  Here comes Flair to perk things up.  Hulk tries the legdrop but Paul Bearer grabs his leg.  Taker is back up and sets Hogan up for another Tombstone.  Flair places a chair in the ring and Taker plants Hogan right on it.  Count that 3 Hebner because we got a NEW champion.  Is that huge cheers for that victory I hear?  Nah, must be my imagination. 

Postmatch: We get the usual bunch of idiots to help Hogan out.

BL: Well this was a huge upset and a pleasant surprise.  Match was extremely poor but the ending so totally made up for it.  The only problem was that all this hype for Hogan v. Flair ended up being for naught.  *

- Mean Gene throws a temper tantrum about Hogan’s loss and then finds Roddy Piper to be his crying buddy.

- Sean Mooney talks to Flair and Mr. Perfect who give the eulogy for Hulkamania

- Mean Gene says Jack Tunney is “caucusing” (which is a big word for getting his dick sucked) with Hulk Hogan.  Gene then has to hear the Natural Disasters and IRS babble on.  Typhoon says, “Yeah, I’ve got some shocking news…”  Why does he make it so easy for me?

- Sean Mooney hears some bland rebuttal from the Big Boss Man and the Legion of Doom.  Mooney almost interrupts Hawk’s “What a rush!” spiel.  That’s sacrilege!

- Mean Gene gets a “bombshell” from Jack Tunney stating that the decision in the title match stands.  Gene mutters some swear words under his breath.  Remember Gene, it’s a family show!  Tunney also says there will be a rematch at This Tuesday in Texas.  What a coincidence!  I was just thinking, “Man, if only there was a title match at This Tuesday in Texas, then I would order the show.”  Tunney concludes by saying he will be at ringside for that match.  That’s reassuring!

The Beverly Brotherz and The Nasty Boyz vs. The Rockerz and The Bushwhackerz

Prematch note: As the Beverly Bros. come down the aisle, there is a “Gorilla for WWF Pres.” sign.  More proof that the fans really do run the Federation.  Man, as much as I enjoyed that first match, they really blew their load by having all their decent workers in one match.  No surprise, the Bushwhackers do their usual mugging/stalling to begin.  Butch and Knobbs slug it out.  Luke comes in and both ‘whackers take care of all four heels.  Rockers come in and get their licks in too.  Knobbs charges and misses in the corner.  Luke dances so much though that Knobbs is able to recover and deliver a 2^nd rope clothesline to finish him off.  HEELS UP 4-3.  Rockers begin to work on Sags’ arm.  Janetty gets caught in the heel corner.  A beatdown ensues.  A thrust kick by Janetty gets a 2 count on Beau.  Sloppy sequence between Beau and Janetty.  Beau’s Aqua Net fumes must be having an effect on Marty.  Hot tag to Butch who beats up both Beverlys.  Beverlys comeback though with a sweet Dudley Death Drop/face plant combination, called the Shaker Heights Spike, that puts away Butch.  HEELS UP 4-2.  Monkey flip and hurricanrana by Janetty on Beau.  Michaels is tagged in but gets the worse end of a doubleteam attack.  Out of nowhere Beau gets pinned with a backslide by Shawn.  HEELS UP 3-2.  Heels prevent Shawn from tagging Marty.  Michaels with a nice clothesline from the apron to the floor on Sags.  Finally, Michaels makes the tag to Janetty as the announcers question as to why Shawn didn’t tag sooner.  Hmmm.  Janetty cleans house on all three guys.  A sunset flip on Blake gets 2.  All five men get in the ring now.  As Marty picks up Sags to slam him, Sags’ leg kicks Michaels.  Double hmmm.  Knobbs rolls up Michaels after that and gets the 3 count.  HEELS UP 3-1.  Shawn gives Marty some static for that error.  If I read his lips correctly, he said something along the lines of, “Maybe if you didn’t do that ounce of coke before the match, you wouldn’t have made that mistake.”  Shawn then leaves in disgust.  Marty puts on a valiant effort to continue to fight but the odds catch up to him and Sags gets him in a small package for the victory.  Survivors: The Nasty Boys and Blake Beverly

BL: Well, I don’t understand why they chose those 3 to put over but it didn’t really matter.  The whole point of the match was to plant the seeds of dissention between the Rockers.  Match had some sloppy moments.  **

IRS and the Natural Disasters vs. The Big Boss Man and the Legion of Doom

And this Ladies and Gentlemen is YOUR main event.  Remember these teams were originally supposed to have Jake and Sid Justice as their respective captains but after the snakebite incident they were removed.  IRS and the Boss Man start things off with Boss Man completely destroying Irwin.  Irwin quickly tags out  and Earthquake comes in.  Animal goes for a crossbody on Earthquake but Quake catches him and slams him to the mat.  IRS comes back in only to be beat up by Hawk.  Hawk tosses IRS right into the arms of Typhoon.  Typhoon gets beat up in the face corner.  Don’t see a heel beatdown in a face corner too often.  IRS finally gets some offense by taking his briefcase and whacking Boss Man in the head with it.  That’s enough for a 3 count.  HEELS UP 3-2.  Disasters start to double team Animal.  Well, I was starting to get bored with this match but Typhoon has decided to put Animal in a bearhug and now I’m glued to my set again.  Life has been completely sucked out of the crowd.  Finally Animal makes the tag to Hawk.  IRS tries the briefcase shot again but this time nails Typhoon with it instead.  OH THE IRONY!  That sends Typhoon to the showers.  TIED UP 2-2.  Earthquake is hot at IRS for that blunder.  Am I sensing déjà vu?  Didn’t this scenario just happen last match?  Maybe I’ve just gone delirious from lack of good matches.  Quake is so upset at IRS that he leaves with Typhoon and gets counted out.  FACES UP 2-1.  I can’t say that I’m all that upset that they’re gone.  Hawk is all over IRS, but is slowed by a missed charge to the corner.  Irwin mounts some brief offense.  That’s stopped by an ugly collision between him and Hawk.  Hawk makes the tag and Animal obliterates IRS.  Irwin decides to live to fight another day and heads to the locker room.  The Boss Man comes from the back and sends IRS back to the ring.  A flying clothesline by Hawk finishes IRS off.  Survivors: The Legion of Doom

BL:  Nothing of note here as this was a poor attempt at sending the fans home happy after having the heels go over huge earlier.  IRS and the Disasters were made to look like chumps, which didn’t help them one bit.  ¾ *

- That should be the end of the show but Vince felt that he didn’t push This Tuesday in Texas hard enough so…

- We get Mean Gene catching up with Paul Bearer and the Undertaker in the catacombs of the Joe Louis Arena.  Paul says Hogan’s final services will be This Tuesday in Texas.  What a pleasant thought to leave the viewers with right before Thanksgiving.

Final Thought:  Well after that great opening match it was pretty much all downhill.  If I was a fan, I would have been ticked off that so many heels went over in so many prominent matches.  As a smart fan, I enjoyed that factor but hated how this Pay Per View was used as a big commercial for This Tuesday in Texas.  My suggestion is for Hogan Haters to see the title match.  For everyone else, see the opener and then skip the rest.

E-MAIL ADAM
BROWSE THE OOLD TYME ARCHIVES

Originally from Cleveland, Adam is now a graduate student at the University of Dayton who is looking to make a couple extra bucks writing this column. What do you mean Rick doesn't pay his columnists?

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