by Adam Gutschmidt
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Rick gave you his slant on this show last week and now I get a turn to share my oh so infinite wisdom about the inaugural King of the Ring Pay-Per-View

No Rasslin Revue Remark this week and it’s no surprise as I’m sure very few people wanted to relive that awful show through my review and those who did certainly wouldn’t want to talk about.  So with that, on with the show…  

OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue for WWF King of the Ring 1993

- Emanating from the Nutter Center in my home away from home, Dayton, OH

- Your commentators are Jim Ross, “Macho Man” Randy Savage and a very dapper looking Bobby Heenan

Quarterfinal Match: Bret “the Hitman” Hart vs. Razor Ramon

Bret was automatically put into the tourney and didn’t have to wrestle a qualifying match since he got the shaft at Wrestlemania.  Razor comes down to ringside and hears chants of “1-2-3” as he was in the middle of that feud at this time too.  These two fought for the WWF title 6 months ago and now we’re getting it as an opener.  Not too bad.  A couple of lockups give no one an advantage.  Bret takes down Razor and begins working on his arm.  Poke to the eye by Razor gives him the advantage.  Razor catches Bret with a knee as he charges.  He follows that up by viciously throwing Bret into the post.  A fallaway slam puts Razor in firm control.  Razor gets a 2 count after a running powerslam.  Bobby Heenan tells a joke that is greeted with silence and confusion by JR and Macho.  Don’t feel bad Bobby, I’ve been there too.  Bret rolls away from an elbow and goes back on the offensive.  Bret goes through the Trademark 5.  A bulldog by Bret is thwarted as Razor shoves him off and into the turnbuckle.  Bret slides out of the Razor’s Edge and rolls Razor into a small package for 2.  Man that was close.  Perching Bret in the corner, Razor goes for a top rope suplex.  Bret falls on top of Razor though as they are coming down and gets a 3 count.

Bottom Line: Great opening match-up that showed both men’s intensity to want to win it.  Solid efforts by both men.  If this keeps up all night, I’ll be a happy man!  ** ¾

- We’re shown a clip of Mr. Hughes, Giant Gonzales and Harvey Whippleman attacking Paul Bearer and the Undertaker and taking his urn.  Man I can’t wait to see what happens next in that feud.  Excuse me while I wipe the sarcasm off my mouth.

Quarterfinal Match:  Mr. Perfect vs. Mr. Hughes

The winner of this match meets Bret Hart in the next round.  Initially Perfect oversells Hughes’ “power” moves.  On the offensive, Perfect hits a quick armdrag and dropkick.  Hughes doesn’t sell it and goes back on offense.  Thanks to Perfect’s selling, Hughes comes off looking like a very dominating wrestler.  As Hughes does nothing of interest, we cut to Bret Hart, in the back, who shares his feelings on who he would like to face in the next round. (He chose Mr. Perfect, by the way)  Perfect and Hughes collide and fall to the mat together in an embarrassingly blown spot.  Hughes misses a legdrop and sells it as if he’s constipated.  Now on offense, Perfect hits the Perfect Neckbreaker.  Realizing that Perfect is on a roll, Hughes grabs the stolen urn and clocks Perfect with it.  Ref sees that and calls for the bell.

BL: Whew, good thing Hughes wasn’t pinned or else he might lose all that heat for his feud with the Undertaker.  Speaking of that feud though, it seemed as if they were pushing Hughes, so I don’t know why he didn’t go over here.  Plus, the face won the first matchup, which makes it doubly puzzling.  Despite my confusion, I say kudos to the WWF for bucking tradition and giving us a better match in the semifinals.  *

- Mister Fuji tells Mean Gene that Hulk Hogan cheated to beat Yokozuna at Wrestlemania.  Well I can’t argue with that, but shame on Fuji for not knowing Hogan’s cheating ways before he made that match.

Quarterfinal Match: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan

History note:  Duggan won the inaugural Royal Rumble in ’88.  Here’s hoping that the trend doesn’t continue here at the inaugural King of the Ring.  JR notes the great ovation Hacksaw gets.  Heenan quickly adds, “I don’t know why.”  Me neither Bobby, me neither.  Both men start off by trying to prove they’re stronger.  Duggan injures his ribs as he’s whipped into the corner.  He must have rib bones that are made of balsa wood because that bump in the corner wasn’t that hard.  The injury is played up further when Duggan can’t powerslam Bigelow.  Crowd is thrilled as Bam Bam slaps on a bearhug.  Duggan bites Bam Bam to get him to release the bearhug.  JR says that, “that’s uncharacteristic of Hacksaw.”  I guess JR has never seen Duggan’s numerous wins with a foreign object.  Duggan finally fights back and somehow musters the strength to powerslam him.  Going for the 3-point clothesline, Duggan ends up crashing into the corner as Bam Bam moves out of the way.  The Duggan miscue gives Bam Bam a chance to go up top, hit the headbutt and pick up the victory.

BL: The Duggan rib injury was ludicrous.  Either it came out of nowhere or the announcers failed to mention any backstory to it.  The match itself would be perfect for a special on FOX: “When Cellulite Collides”. ½ *

- Oh God!  Coliseum Video strikes again.  This Coliseum Obtrusive features the Rooster…err…Terry Taylor interviewing The Smoking Gunns and The Steiner Brothers.  This has to be someone’s idea of a sick joke.

Quarterfinal Match: The Narcissist Lex Luger vs. Tatanka

Both men are undefeated here so something’s gotta give…or does it?  Referees force Luger to cover up his loaded forearm before the match.  Tatanka comes charging into the ring but gets caught by a waiting Luger.  Luger tosses Tatanka to the floor so he can pose more.  Tatanka comes right back in and dumps the mirror on top of Luger.  In firm control of the match, Tatanka works Luger’s arm.  Pretty quick for a resthold, says I.  We cut to the back again and now get Bam Bam’s pick on a winner.  He wants “the Indian” in the next round.  Not PC but to the point.  A high crossbody by Tatanka gets 2.  Elbowing Tatanka from the hammerlock allows Luger to take over on offense.  Man is Luger delivering some lame moves.  These offensive maneuvers look like they wouldn’t even hurt a frail grandmother.  While arguing with the ref, Luger gets rolled up from behind but for only a 2 count.  Luger locks on a reverse chinlock and I’m officially bored.  Inside cradle by Tatanka gets 2.  Luger is now just causally kicking Tatanka while the fans hope that this match picks up.  Tatanka begins to make his comeback and gets a nearfall from a knife-edge chop.  Missing a chop from the top rope slows Tatanka back down.  A clothesline by Luger gives him a 2 count.  Luger keeps getting nearfalls but can’t keep Tatanka down.  One more pin attempt by Luger is not successful and then the bell rings marking time limit has expired.

Postmatch: Luger asks for 5 more minutes but doesn’t get it.  So instead he takes off the forearm pad and KO’s Tatanka.

BL:  Bad ending to a slow match.  I don’t know why neither man knew how close they were to the time limit, JR was screaming about it for the last five minutes of the match.  Both men looked like they were struggling to find ways to fill up the 15 minutes.  I understand that they wanted to protect their investments by having neither of them job, but there’s a better way to solve that problem.  Don’t book them together in the first place. * ¼

- Mean Gene interviews Bret Hart and Mr. Perfect and uses Bret’s earlier comment to draw the ire of Perfect.  Man, Bret really needs to learn to choose his words wisely.  They could end up screwing him in the end.

Semifinal Match: Bret “the Hitman” Hart vs. Mr. Perfect

Both men vie for an early advantage and Perfect eventually gets it with a headscissors.  Bret gets a crucifix for 2.  Bret has begun to dominate the match by switching between a headlock and power moves.  A knee to the midsection turns the tide for Perfect.  Nice standing dropkick by Perfect.  Crowd seems to be favoring Bret in this match.  Perfect helps his heel status in this match by holding the ropes open for Bret and then kicking him as he enters.  Now that was sweet.  With Perfect in control, the match has shifted from scientific to brawling.  Bret, trying to recuperate on the apron, is shoved off and goes crashing into the guardrail.  Man, leave it to Bret to pull out an awesome bump like that when you least expect it.  Perfect pulls Bret back in but only gets a 2 count.  Top rope dropkick by Perfect.  He covers but Bret gets a foot on the ropes.  Perfect then hooks both legs (good thinking!) but Bret still kick out.  Trying another high-risk move, Perfect gets crotched by an alert Hitman.  Bret hits a superplex but only gets 2.  Crowd is starting to come alive.  The knee becomes the focus of Bret’s attack.  After a few kicks to the knee, Bret slaps on a figure four leglock.  Perfect escapes and whips Bret by his hair.  Insert oil slick joke here.  A sleeper is applied by Perfect.  Perfect puts his foot on the ropes for leverage.  More good thinking!  Bret returns the favor from earlier by whipping Perfect by his hair.  Perfect is whipped so hard that he slides backwards and gets crotched on the post.  Bret starts going through the Trademark 5.  While attempting the Sharpshooter, Bret has his injured hand (from the previous match) grabbed by Perfect.  Bret blocks the Perfectplex and reverses it by suplexing both of them over the top rope and out of the ring.  That was another huge bump!  Both men are back in and Perfect gets Bret in a small package.  As the ref counts, Bret rolls the small package over and gets the three count.

Postmatch: Perfect is POed about the finish but shakes Bret’s hand anyways.

BL: It wasn’t the most technically sound match.  It wasn’t the best brawl.  But it had great psychology and a lot of little things that added up to make it a great match.  I enjoyed the surprise bumps and Perfect’s heel mannerisms.  Only thing that hurt this match was that the face vs. face matchup hurt the crowd heat a bit.  Looking at this match now though, you can appreciate it much better.  ****

- Hulk Hogan gives his usual spiel about how he’ll take down Yokozuna.  Meanwhile, Mean Gene appears to be getting a hard-on looking at Hogan’s bicep.  Does he have to make his infatuations so blatant?

WWF Championship Match: Hulk Hogan (champ) vs. Yokozuna

JR and Macho mention how many fans felt that Bret Hart should have gotten this title shot instead of Yokozuna.  Most of their comments so far have been not so subtlety anti-Hogan.  With their sentiments and this match being this early in the card, I wonder who’s going over here.  Stall-o-rama to begin.  Yoko goes all chop suey on Hogan and dominates the early minutes.  Hogan dodges an avalanche and starts punching away on the sumo.  Hogan tries a slam but can’t budge Yoko.  A second slam attempt ends the same way, allowing Yoko to go back on offense.  Crowd goes to sleep as Yoko cinches in a bearhug.  That is, expect for that loser who looks like Hogan and is always around ringside.  He’s popping vitamins and saying prayers like there is no tomorrow.  Hogan escapes only to be hit with a belly-to-belly suplex.  Yoko covers but WE GOT a POP up.  It takes 3 Hogan Big Boots before Yoko falls to the mat.  Hogan hits the legdrop but Yoko kicks out.  The horror!  The horror!  As Hogan motions to the crowd that he’s going to slam Yoko, a “Japanese photographer” comes up on the apron.  The photographer’s camera explodes as Hogan approaches him rendering Hogan temporarily blind.  Yoko takes advantage of the situation by chopping Hogan down and then hitting him with a legdrop.  All of that is enough to give Yoko the pinfall and the title.

BL: The original Hogan era ended on a sour note here.  Bad stuff all around.  The match was bad, natch.  Hogan’s ego had gotten out of control.  It’s amazing how the announcers barely hid their true glee for seeing Hogan jobbed out of the company.  The WWF and its fans were at a point now where they hoped the main event scene could only get better.  ½ *

- We get another Coliseum Obtrusive with Terry Taylor.  This time he’s trying to get post-match comments from Mr. Perfect.  No surprise, Perfect doesn’t want to talk about it.  I’m sure partly it is because he loss and partly because it’s the Rooster asking the questions.

- Mean Gene is AGHAST over the outcome of that last match but manages to still talk to Shawn Michaels.  Shawn introduces us to Diesel who appeared a few weeks ago and helped Shawn win the Intercontinental Title back from Marty Janetty.  Shawn also takes the opportunity to make a couple cracks at Hogan’s expense too.  It seems to be a common theme tonight.

The Steiner Brothers and The Smoking Gunns vs. Money Inc. and The Headshrinkers

Match starts with Dibiase and Scott Steiner doing some mat wrestling.  Bobby Heenan resonates what many fans were thinking when he mentions, “Just seeing Hogan get beat was great.”  Dibiase becomes frustrated as the Steiners take turns tossing him in and out of the ring.  Bart and Fatu are tagged in.  Bart plants Fatu’s face into the mat but Fatu pops right up and kicks Bart.  Heels now take turns tagging each other as Bart has become your cowboy-in-distress.  Double clothesline spot between Bart and IRS.  Billy gets a tag, as does Dibiase.  Billy goes off on Dibiase like a loaded gun (Heenan’s words not mine) until Dibiase catches him with a hotshot.  The Million Dollar Dream is locked on Billy.  Dibiase lets go of the hold for some reason to brag to his teammates.  When Dibiase goes back to Billy, Billy catches him in a small package and gets the three count.  Huh?

Postmatch: All 8 men come in and brawl, which ends with the faces cleaning house.

BL: Match was complete fluff that did nothing for any of the combatants.  A less than stellar PPV debut for the Gunns.  And I don’t know what was up with the Steiners.  Were they told not to wrestle in this match?  The tag division was sagging worse that Flair’s man-boobs at this point.  ¾*

- Mean Gene interviews a jubilant Mister Fuji who says that he and Yokozuna are going out to celebrate.  Tunney is also on hand to quickly congratulate Yoko and then fade into the background.  Man, at this point he served about as much purpose as a fork does when you’re trying to eat soup.

WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: Shawn Michaels (champ) vs. Crush

Crush’s initial offense has Shawn bouncing around the ring like a superball.  Shawn is hesitant to get back into the ring after Crush hits him with a few standing dropkicks.  A military press slam by Crush who is dominating this match so far.  Crush hits a nice tilt-a-whirl backbreaker.  I make it sound as if Crush is this offensive phenom but all he’s done is stand there and let Shawn do the acrobatics.  Diesel pulls Shawn out of the ring as Crush signals for the head vice.  Man, Diesel looks like Rosco the gay biker with that outfit he’s wearing.  Shawn shoves Crush into the ringpost as he was going after Diesel.  Crush’s pineapple…err…head is smacked into the post 5 more times by Shawn for good measure.  Shawn drags the big Hawaiian back into the ring but only gets a 2 count.  The head continues to be the focus of Shawn’s attack as he figures (correctly) that it’s the weakest part of Crush’s body.  Huge bump by Shawn as Crush heaves Shawn out of the ring while Shawn had a front face lock on him.  Now with the advantage, Crush gets a few nearfalls.  Down the aisleway come 2 Doinks smoking cigars.  Crush is getting that double vision again.  It must have been from those shots to the head.  The distraction is enough for Shawn to gain his bearings and deliver Sweet Chin Music.  The superkick enables Shawn to pick up the win and retain his title.

BL:  Match was ok but mainly because of Shawn’s bumping.  The problems I had with this match were with the booking of the combatants.  Crush lost the match at the hands of Doink, which should signal that a proper blowoff was still forthcoming in that feud.  I never remember one though.  And if it came on an episode of Superstars then it didn’t receive the proper treatment.  As for Shawn, he once again fought another credible midcarder, he once again got beat up for the majority of the match and he once again won.  He needed to either beat these faces more decisively or have a long-standing feud with one of them to warrant these near-wins by the faces.  **½

- Mean Gene wants Bam Bam’s thoughts on this King of the Ring final but Bam Bam aint got time to chat.  He just wants to get to the ring and kick some butt.  Well thank goodness we were sparred having to listen to Bam Bam’s awful grammar.  He speaks about as eloquently as Lou Ferigno.

King of the Ring Final: Bret “the Hitman” Hart vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Bam Bam tries gaining a quick advantage but misses a charge in the corner.  A slugfest ensues and Bam Bam gets the better of Bret.  Bam Bam picks up Bret in a military press and throws him to the floor.  The announcers are already declaring Bam Bam the winner as Bret seemingly can’t take much more.  A couple of nearfalls for Bam Bam but Bret won’t quit.  Bam Bam begins to work on Bret’s back.  Of course, if Bam Bam had watched Bret’s other matches instead of eating a whole case of Twinkies, he would be working on one of Bret’s other injured body parts.  The crowd has been pretty quiet while Bam Bam has been in control.  Now Bam Bam slaps on a bearhug so I’m sure they’ll be waking up real soon.  Bret gets a chance to turn the tide when he whips Bam Bam into the steel guardrail.  The comeback is fleeting though, as Bam Bam catches Bret coming off the apron and rams that injured back into the steel post.  As Bret lies injured on the floor, Luna comes out and nails Bret in the back with a steel chair.  Bam Bam rolls Bret back into the ring, hits the flying headbutt and gets the 3 count.  Bam Bam is YOUR King of the Ring.  Wait, you say you don’t remember Bam Bam winning King of the Ring?  Well you’re right because after Joey Marella counted to 3, Earl Hebner came out and explained Luna’s interference.  Marella decides the match will continue.  A pissed off Bam Bam goes right back to work on Bret’s lower back.  Bret continues to fight back though, dropkicking Bam Bam to the floor.  Then Bret launches himself over the top rope and onto Bam Bam.  Talk about work ethic, Bret Hart has got it!  Bret kicks it into high gear by going through the Trademark 5.  A Sharpshooter attempt is blocked by Bam Bam.  Bam Bam charges in the corner but gets kicked.  Bret climbs up on Bam Bam, hits a victory roll and gets a thrilling 3 count.

BL: The announcers played up this match perfectly making viewers truly believe that Bret had no chance.  Bret did a great job of selling the accumulated pain and fatigue.  The false finish wasn’t great but served the purpose of temporarily fooling fans.  ***

- The King of the Ring coronation followed the match immediately.  Before Bret has a chance to speak, Jerry Lawler comes out and claims that Bret is an imposter and he is the real king.  Bret retorts by calling Lawler a Burger King.  Har har Bret, real original.  Lawler doesn’t take kindly to this and beats up Bret.  Bret is left laid out as we end the show.

Final Thought: Well this was certainly Bret’s night to shine.  He had three outstanding outings that truly displayed his talents.  Other than that, there aint too much here.  The WWF title match was awful but notable as the Hogan era was over and a heel was champ.  The Intercontinental title match was ok but forgettable.  If you’re going to watch any King of the Ring, it might as well be this one though as it’s the most historic and has some of the best wrestling of all the shows.

Next time, it’s off to Detroit where Joe Fowler will tell us about a revolutionary new product called the Lex Express.

Until then, thanks for stopping by the OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue      
  

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Originally from Cleveland, Adam is now a graduate student at the University of Dayton who is looking to make a couple extra bucks writing this column. What do you mean Rick doesn't pay his columnists?

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